Tag Archive | women

Pole dancing and picking up girlfriends

poledance

Meeting guys is easy. Dating sites, sex sites, Craigslist, bars, walking through the grocery store, you name it, there are all sorts of places to meet men. I tend to get hit on pretty frequently when I am out without my children, and sometimes when I have them with me. Not necessarily by anyone I WANT to be hit on by, lol, but whatever, it still boosts my ego.

Not that I am out very often sans kids. It’s quite rare, actually. They are mostly attached to my hip when I’m in public. So that hampers things a bit too. In the event that a guy talks to me with my kids standing there, I am much more reserved and unlikely to show interest. That hasn’t stopped a random guy from KISSING me in the grocery store parking lot awhile back (while my kids were in the van after he followed us out)and occasional men hounding for my number or simply talking and appearing interested. My 13 year old son sometimes points out his observations to me. “That guy likes you”. Yeah, HE can even tell, lol.

I’m not horrible looking or anything but I also don’t look like a supermodel. I think the reason I get hit on a lot probably has more to do with the fact that I smile a lot and maybe look “approachable”. I’m generally polite and friendly to strangers. Sometimes guys take this to mean more than it actually does.

One of my sisters, who is quite attractive, claims men rarely talk to her. I think in her case it has more to do with the fact that she appears “closed” and brushes people off. She’s not as open and warm. If I didn’t know her I wouldn’t talk to her either. I’d be afraid she’d tell me off, lol.

In any case, I find meeting men to basically be a piece of cake. If I want to go on a date, I just go glance through the zillions of emails I have on Plenty of Fish or OkCupid and pick a few to respond to on a night I have free. Usually at least one will ask me out right then. OR I throw out a Craigslist ad and generally get several responses before they flag and take it down. Then there’s the swinger site and an occasional option there that seems interesting. That doesn’t always wield great results, but hey it’s easy to at least find a guy who wants to meet.

They’re everywhere, even if the ones I genuinely LIKE and have good chemistry with are fewer and farther between. I’ve heard the statistic somewhere that there are 500 men for every woman on online dating sites! I don’t know if that’s actually the case but there are definitely a lot of fish in the sea, whether they are good catches or not. Of course, I also have a few men in my life that I like and have available for sex already, even though they don’t all live close by. So generally, guys are easy.

Now WOMEN on the other hand, are really difficult. I’m not even talking about for sex. Men complain about that I know, but I’m just talking friendship. It’s really hard for me to meet female friends. Ladies, you know how we are. Often cliquish and reluctant to let a new woman into the fold.

Don’t get me wrong, I have women friends that I’ve known since childhood and I have sisters. They all live far away, though it’s great to talk on the phone and have an occasional visit. The women I know around here are mostly people I knew during the years I was married to a man in ministry. So that means they are hardcore Conservative Christians. Most of them are married. I’m the odd woman out.

Anyway, despite the male attention, I really MISS having some girlfriends to hang out with! When the Professor goes on his guys nights out (he plays poker with some guy friends once in a while and not too long ago took a road trip to watch a football game, stuff like that), I’m happy for him but it also makes me wish even more that I had some female company as well. The problem is where to find some!

I’m not really in a position to go out often without my children. I used to be in MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and met a lot of women there but it also has that Christian focus. Lovely ladies and we had fun but they aren’t women I can let down with and enjoy a glass of wine or more adult activities. I also felt that pressure to put on a certain “face” and be that perfect wife and mother around them. When I got divorced I felt a little bit ostracized. The same was very much true for my experience with women in the church. Suddenly my “friends” weren’t so “friendly” anymore, now that I am divorced. That was a part of why we dipped out of church and all its accompanying fakeness.

Shortly after my divorce I wanted to meet some other single females to hang out with that were more my speed so I tried a local Meetup group. I met with a couple of ladies for drinks and it was fairly nice but they were all married and a bit boring. Still I would have gone out with them again if my ex- husband’s schedule hadn’t changed to where he wasn’t taking the children in the evenings. Due to that I was unable to attend meetings for quite a while and they dropped me from the list. 😦 Finding and affording childcare for me to have time to go out is generally difficult.

Anyway, the last time the Professor had a men’s poker night and was sending me pics of the guys playing and stuff I told him I really wished I had a way to meet some other women and he had a great (and obvious- duh!) idea! He said what about at the gym? I was like I never talk to women at the gym, we are mostly just on our own machines working out with headphones on. He said what about taking a class?

The wheels started turning, how could I not have thought about that?? I work out daily anyway and have a membership at the YMCA. There is free childcare there and plenty of classes offered. I’d seen some aerobic dance classes going on a while back and even seen friends of mine post stuff on Facebook about Zumba, which totally sounded like my cup of tea! I love doing dance style workouts at home.

I immediately went down and got a schedule and they offer Crossfit and Zumba and Pilates and a few other different classes. The Zumba classes are offered in the evenings at a time that would be great for me and you don’t have to sign up but just show up whenever you want to come. PERFECT! 🙂 I went to three classes last week and really enjoyed it. Decent music and the moves are fun and easy to follow. The women seemed nice though the instructor one of the days and another woman were going on about a great worship service at church, so yeah, more church ladies but maybe not everyone.

Anyhow, the Professor made another comment about me liking my pole dancing experience at the last swinger party and he wondered if they offered classes about that. Of course the Y here doesn’t. They have classes that only play Contemporary Christian music though. Gagging here, that is like the worst music ever. I can’t STAND Contemporary Christian music, even all those years in church. I’d much rather listen to gospel or hymns or praise and worship music than Contemporary Christian, it just SUCKS, lol. It all sounds the same and is just horrible. One of the reasons I was turned off by one guy I had sex with a couple of times was because he insisted on blasting this horrible sounding music by Creed in the car when he was driving and telling me how great it was. YUCK!! How can anyone listen to that shit? But I digress…

So anyway, I decided to look online for pole dancing classes in this area. At first I couldn’t find anything and thought it was a hopeless search. THEN I finally came across a place a few miles out of town that offers some pole dancing classes that are a combination of that with belly dancing, yoga, pilates and some other stuff. The whole place sounded really hippy and New Age, but kind of intriguing. They were very mysterious as to what they actually do there, only women are allowed and it’s way out in the middle of nowhere on some kind of renovated farm down a dirt road. The descriptions were very mystical.

The intro class was only $25. I had to try it, to see what this place was all about. Since my ex hadn’t taken the kids the previous weekend I had a reason to ask him to take them during the week too so I made an appointment.

Last night I dropped off the children and drove for about thirty minutes in the sleet down dark country roads looking for this place. I finally found it. There were some sort of creepy decorations on the gate and I drove down a long gravel drive to park outside the building where it would be held. Honestly I was feeling slightly afraid. Like, are these actually serial killers? Why is it way out in the middle of nowhere, why are they so secretive about what they do and why is it only women? It was dark and raining ice and that didn’t help. However, when I pulled up there was another woman arriving at the same time who had never been there before. We weren’t sure if we were even in the right spot because there were several buildings but decided to walk up the stone path to what looked like a remodeled cabin or garage of some sort.

Walking through the door we were greeted by a receptionist in a very relaxing, spa-like atmosphere and asked to fill out some forms. We joined two other girls who were doing the same, on some nice comfortable couches. On the wall were nude paintings of men and women dancing and sitting on park benches. I picked up what looked like a mint out of a bowl on the front desk, unwrapped it and popped it in my mouth. It tasted like some sort of organic horehound candy and was spicy too. Blech…

The papers I filled out were at first basic and then I had to sign some interesting forms promising not to share the secrets of what I did and learned there. So I have to be a bit vague, even with you all, sorry! I could hear the strains of “Dirty Diana” playing in the adjoining room before seeing the women in the previous class leave. Like us, there were only about 4 of them, one older woman maybe in her early 40’s and a few twenty- somethings.

The women in my class were in their early and late twenties or so, other than me, but I didn’t feel out of place. The instructor was older than me and the website made sure to assure us that all body types and ages were more than welcome. A few of us needed to use the restroom, so we had to leave the building and walk through the cold, wet weather into an adjoining building, past screaming cats in a garage and into what appeared to be someone’s house and laundry room. The mirror in the restroom was completely covered with little notes saying things like “you are a Goddess” and “your body is beautiful”.

We returned to the main building. Once we got signed in we were asked to leave our coats and purses and shoes in cubby holes and were taken into a darkened room with a few stripper poles and sat down on mats on the floor. The instructor was joined by the woman who was behind the desk.

The room and the atmosphere, I can only describe as very unique, yet inviting and warm and relaxing. There was a fake gas fireplace and dim red and yellow lanterns adorned the ceiling. No mirrors, any windows were completely covered with very dark curtains. It was sort of like being in a cave and had this Wiccan or Pagan “feel” to it. It reminded me a bit of when I was a kid and my grandmother used to take me to a hippy Sufi “church”, where we would light candles and chant.

We went around the room giving brief introductions and backgrounds. One woman had been in the military and wanted to get more in touch with her feminine side. The other two had previous experience in dance (not the erotic kind) and wanted to regain their skill in some way and learn something new. Me, I simply cited curiousity.

Anyhow, what transpired after that, I can’t really describe. We did a lot of relaxing exercises set to music that put you in a somewhat trancelike state, but it was both sexy and a bit like meditation. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. It was nice to let go of all the stress of the week and get lost in this new experience.

Then we got to work learning some sexy stances and exercises and trying a new trick on the poles. They had a couple of regular poles and a spinning one as well. It was amazingly easy to me (though they said they don’t start out with the “easy” moves necessarily) but also fun. I got compliments from the instructors on my gracefulness and ease and the way my long hair looked spinning around on the pole. No one said anything negative to anyone. One woman (the military girl) struggled with a bit of awkwardness but was only given encouragement and helpful tips. There was a lot of cheering on and positive reinforcement.

Afterwards we sat on a soft couch together and watched as the instructors did a demo of what we would learn if we take the regular course. It was mesmerizing, entrancing and something I would definitely like to try! I’m waiting for a little bit of tax money to come in and then pretty sure I will enroll in a short course. It’s really not too expensive and I think it will be a lot of fun. They offer courses at several different times. I think it’ll be awesome, relaxing, a bit empowering and maybe I’ll get to meet new friends too, not to mention learn a few skills that I may get a chance to show off at some point, like at one of the swinger parties. They almost always have a stripper pole standing around somewhere.

Between that and Zumba I at least have a running start in meeting new girlfriends. Women can be hard to get to know sometimes and I realize that in general around here I don’t fit in. I actually feel kinda bad because back when I first got divorced I remember a woman emailing me on OkCupid saying she was really just looking for friendship and didn’t know where to start. I didn’t email her back because at that time she seemed needy and I had a lot on my plate plus it seemed a little odd, but maybe she was just someone like me, who didn’t know where to find other women to relate to! Hopefully things worked out for her and soon will for me as well. 🙂

Men, they just don’t get it…and territorial, competitive, women

I don’t want to be a man hater. I really don’t. I want so much to be able to love and trust men, without fear. It seems like I am always hopeful, always looking for the best in every guy that I have a relationship with. Yet every time, every freaking time, they disappoint.

Once, the guy I had an affair with got an earful from me that had something to do with how frustrating I found both men and computers. I said anything else I can understand, be patient with and handle. Like I can handle a bunch of small children, but give me a man or a computer and I am fucked (heh, no pun intended, but…). His response was “that’s because you expect men and computers to be perfect, and they’re not”.

Okay, I had to mull over that one for a bit, because I think it’s true. My expectations regarding the male species are pretty darn high. I don’t think it’s just me either. Women, in general, seem to want the impossible out of men, at least in comparison to what they are actually like in reality. It’s like sheesh, can’t you just read my mind and do things exactly the way I want you to? That would make it sooo much easier, seriously, thanks in advance.

For real though, why does it have to be so hard? Why do men and women have such a difficult time communicating and meeting one another’s needs? It’s like all the relationship books and theories in the world just don’t cut it in real life. We STILL can’t get along! Not even when all the “experts” spell it out for us in detail.

When I first got married someone gave me the book “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus”. I wanted to read it but my ex- husband railed about how bad secular psychology was and how the only psychology book we needed was the Bible, so I put it in a box in the attic. Years later, when we were going through our divorce (and after having read quite a few marriage and relationship books from a Christian perspective in addition to the Bible), I found it and read it. Lots of interesting advice that seemed like it would help with some men, but almost totally useless when it came to the ex because he didn’t seem like the typical male at all in his attitude or patterns of behavior.

I was having my affair at the time though and actually did find some of the information helpful during our arguments because he and I seemed to pretty well fit the typical male/female types. I wouldn’t agree with all of the advice and some of it was corny, but the idea of men being like rubber bands and needing to go into their caves was eye opening for me and helped me to understand and give more space. So there was some good advice as far as understanding men and their general weirdness.

Men are always complaining about how complex and confusing women are. No dudes, it’s not us, it’s YOU, lol. Sometimes the things you do and say just make NO sense whatsoever!

Anyway, what I’m getting to is that the Professor and I are having some issues. 😦 I am broken and I don’t know what to do. I hate that having feelings for someone seems to make things so much more complicated.

Actually, I’d been thinking for a while about writing some POSITIVE things about him. He’s been really wonderful to me in ways no other guy really ever has in my life and I am most definitely falling harder than I would like for this man. Harder than I would like because having FEELINGS starts to stress me out. Everything stops being so simple when you get vulnerable with a person.

I feel like overall things with us have been GREAT, really. I adore the heck out of him and have opened up and trust him more and more all the time. He talks to me too. We are supposed to be open about our sexual activity and I THINK he is telling me when he is with other women. I know on my end I have been completely honest as far as what I am doing and with whom. It was his idea to tell each other things and I’ve been happy because I just felt like he was being real with me and it took away a lot of the worry I have had in other relationships.

I’m not saying the poly thing is easy, for either of us really. He gets upset when I sleep with other men. Not angry with me, but he admits that it affects him emotionally. He won’t sleep with me on the same day that I have been with someone else (unless we are swinging together) and it takes him a bit to “get over” it afterwards, which leaves me feeling kind of guilty. I hate to hurt him in any way because I really like him. For that reason and because of his cancer scare, I had cut back quite a bit on meeting with other guys. I wanted to take away as much of his stress and worry as possible. I decided no NEW men until the coast was clear. Thankfully he didn’t have cancer but he is still on meds for an inflamed prostate and slowed down his outside activities so I have still been holding back a bit.

So the past couple months he hasn’t been with anyone else but me. At least that’s what he’s saying and we are supposed to tell each other. Me, on the other hand, I have been with my fuck buddy a couple of times and once with Mr. Former Affair guy. The rest of the time it’s just been the Professor. However, there is always this married woman that is in love with him long distance lurking in the background. I have to keep reminding myself of that because it’s so easy to forget and want to start getting comfortable with the idea that he is MINE.

I’m not too fond of this married woman. It seems, from my end, that she makes attempts at sabotaging the relationship I have with the Professor whenever she gets a chance. She was around six months before me and according to the Professor was having a hard time with me being in his life. He claimed, at least in the beginning, that she was more in love with him than vice versa. She’s a decade older than the Professor (so almost 20 years older than me), rich, and has been married for a long time. I guess she isn’t in love with her husband and he still “allows” her to come visit once a month or so and stay for a few days at a time. She has a key to his apartment (which I strongly resent) and is attractive despite her age (I’ve seen pics on the swinger site).

The first weekend, after he and I were seeing each other, that she came down, he completely disappeared and I was pretty hurt. He didn’t text or anything and I took it to mean he was through and didn’t want to see me again. He later said he couldn’t contact me because she was so upset about some guy standing her up that she spent the entire weekend in tears, needing his comfort. What a pathetic sounding manipulative strategy for hogging his attention. EYEROLL.

On subsequent visits we have had different issues. For example, she randomly decided to make a trip down here on my birthday weekend, when he and I were supposed to be spending time together. I was crushed. Once she came down for a set amount of days and then decided to stay an extra day, on a day he was supposed to be coming over to MY house for dinner, causing him to stand me up. I was not happy. Of course I was angry with HIM all those times because I felt he could put some limits on her obnoxious, disrespectful behavior, and he hasn’t. He doesn’t seem to see the manipulative side of it all. When I try to point it out he seems to blame ME for saying anything, which is upsetting and leads me to wonder if he is more in love with her than he is willing to admit. He CLAIMS to see neither of us as “above” the other but I sometimes have my doubts.

Anyhow HE recently had a birthday. He wanted to spend a day on the weekend before with me and I had made him a naughty video of myself which I gave to him then. We weren’t able to go out though because I got out of the house so late after problems getting my kids to their dads. We ended up hanging out at his house and having hot sex which was fun, but I felt bad that I couldn’t do more for him. He knows I am broke though and he claimed to be busy with work and coaching the rest of the week.

So on the day of his actual birthday, I left some homemade cookies on the doorstep while he was supposed to be at a meeting at work. He took an unusually long time to mention that he had seen my present and then finally texts claiming his “sister” had driven down to see him, from a city a few hours away, as a surprise. That sounded pretty suspect. I mean, his sister just randomly shows up, in the middle of a work week, from that far away, without letting him know? Without maybe checking to see if he was gonna spend it with someone else? Um…. It did however, sound like something his favorite married woman would do. She likes to randomly show up at inconvenient times and would of course want to do something for his birthday. Supposedly he hadn’t seen her for a couple of months before that.

I called him to ask if he minded me stopping by to say hi, since I was near his house anyway. He said he was at a restaurant with his “sister”. I said “you mean your sister or your married friend?” He said it was his sister and launched into some sort of excuse and I asked again, twice. He sounded like he was gonna cry so I let him go and texted to have a great birthday dinner and sorry if I was wrong. I still didn’t really believe him but I went to work out at the gym and then sat in my car afterwards mulling it over and chatting with a male friend online about what he thought. I managed to refrain from driving to his apartment to see if I could spot them or acting like a crazy stalker bitch.

Meanwhile, he calls me and he is at MY house. He wondered where I was (the gym had been closed for a bit already) and I had to rush back. He sat there and told me his sister and her boyfriend had come down but that they drove back home and we kissed and made up and all was okay, though he did ask me later where I actually was and didn’t seem to believe my story. I said I had been upset and sitting in my car outside the gym and he said that was way overthinking. Eventually he let it drop.

Okay, so LAST night we were supposed to go to this orgy party that I had discovered on Craigslist. It was an hour and a half out of town and we had to send pics to be approved because supposedly it was only good looking, in shape couples and we passed the test and were given the hotel address. So we drive all the way there and NO ONE is at the hotel room. Damn! Jerks. They didn’t even have the decency to tell us not to show up and we had rsvp’d and everything. Nice. Anyhow, I tried my best to make light of the situation and cheer him up and tease him about what we were gonna do when we got back to his place, even though it was late. We tried emailing some other couples on the drive but no luck. We ended up back at his house and had some hot one on one and I spent the night all cuddled up with him in his bed. Wonderful ending.

Only I woke up in the morning after a horrible dream about that married woman. I dreamt I got into a fight with her at his place. He had to leave to coach his team and said not to rush I could just stay in bed and lock the door when I leave.

So when I get up and go over to the dresser, where he had said to put my jewelry the night before, I can’t help but notice that my jewelry is lying on top of a brightly colored, striped notecard with a note from the married woman. It says something like “thanks Baby for a great time, sweet dreams, I miss you sooo much xoxoxoxo”, then with a message for his dog at the bottom (eyeroll). I felt sick to my stomach, but went over by his nightstand to finish putting my clothes on. In a flash I pull open the drawer where he keeps his sex toys/condoms, etc. and sure enough there is another one of those striped notecards with a little love note. In his fucking SEX drawer, so that any time he opens it he would see and think of HER. What a bitch. This HAS to be deliberate.

I should have just ripped up the stupid cards and not said anything. But no, I’m too freaking honest for my own good. I’m feeling upset about it so I feel like I NEED to verbalize that to him and tell him what I saw. I texted him that I was leaving and that I would have left a note but there was already one there. On the way out I see another similar card sticking out of a bunch of papers (you can’t miss them, they are bright as hell and I’m sure that is her intention) and yep it’s another little love note. I don’t want to see anymore but my curiosity gets the best of me. Yeah, there’s a whole fucking STACK of little love cards and Hallmark cards from her sitting next to the TV. She’s taken over the whole damn house. You’d think they were married to each other or something.

I left the house feeling flustered and awful and sick to my stomach and like I was gonna cry. She had to have been there recently because I had never noticed the card on the dresser before. How could I miss that? It was in plain sight and I know I’ve put my phone and stuff on there. I figure it wasn’t really his “sister” after all, which means he is not really someone I can trust to keep his word. I am really upset now but don’t text and have to run off to an appt with my children.

He finally responded like 2 hours later and said that it was a card that has been there forever. I made a snappy comment about it being nice of his “sister”. He said ok, we will talk later. Later, I have calmed down a bit but done some crying and decide to just be honest (dammit there I go again) and tell him that seeing it hurt me. He says it’s my own fault for being hurt. WTF? Then he accuses me of not locking his door. What? I totally made sure to do so.

This is where it all goes to pot. All I needed was for him to say something like “hey I’m really sorry you had to see that. It’s been there forever and I didn’t mean for it to hurt you” and all would be good. But no, he is a male. He can’t do that. He blames ME for having hurt feelings and gets me all upset and I tell him that if he can’t understand my feelings then I will make sure not to express them to him any further. He says he’s going to a movie and completely ignores that I am feeling bad, expresses no compassion or care whatsoever. I don’t respond. Later he texts thanks for making his bed and that he hopes my kids and I have a nice Christmas. (He had given presents for them yesterday). So I guess that implies he doesn’t want to see me again. Wonderful.

I texted back thanks for making displaying this woman’s love notes more important than my feelings. I left one last text late tonight saying thanks for the gifts my kids will love them and that I had sent him a gift he will get eventually but he may not know it was from me since I had called him Baby and signed it with xoxoxoxo. (Implying that he may think its from her…it was a gift certificate for an hour long massage at a local massage school. I had been pretty excited to get that for him because I know he has been having some joint pain and would love one and normally I couldn’t afford an hour long massage but lucked out at the school with prices). Guess it doesn’t matter anyway. Plus I’m sure he will get something much nicer from the very wealthy old lady he is sleeping with and apparently prioritizes over me. Maybe I do hate men after all.

Loud sex, hot or not?

So the Professor and I have made a few homemade videos and they are HOT. I love watching us in action together, especially since the sex is so good and intimate with him anyway. The most recent one we made is probably my favorite, we managed to get at least an hour and a half recorded and we both seemed to forget we were on camera and really got into it. 😉 Mmmmmmm….

That said though, it can be hard to watch myself sometimes. Or, more accurately, LISTEN to myself orgasm over and over again, lol. Like seriously, do I have to be THAT loud? Haha… but in the moment I really don’t think I have that much control over it. When we were watching one of the videos the other day I was sitting there covering my face and he was laughing at me and asking how that was going to keep me from hearing myself. He claims to think the way I cum is super sexy, lol, but I also am afraid of the neighbors (he lives in an apartment) being disturbed. Amazingly, no one has complained yet. Knock on wood.

I read an article recently about a woman that was so loud during sex she got repeated citations, jail time and eventually faced a prison sentence. No, really, here is the link:

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20009199-504083.html

Thankfully, I doubt I am at a decibel level that is going to be that serious and I don’t think I sound like I’m being murdered. I think its pretty obvious what is going on 😉 but still…. I’m left wondering if its sexy or scary, haha. When we were at the after swinger party orgy we participated in, I remember the other people commenting at the end when the Professor and I were still the only ones going at it that they thought it was hot but I don’t think I was QUITE as loud then as I sometimes get when we are alone (if you can call it that when there are people in an apartment above you!).

My ex husband used to try and shush me if I even made a peep. Not that he was doing much to make me moan with pleasure anyway, but he was ultra paranoid and it turned me off big time. So anyway, how about a poll? What’s your opinion on sex sounds? By the way I think it is super sexy when a guy moans and makes a little noise in bed. If he were screaming like a girl that would probably freak me out but nothing like knowing he is getting off too. 🙂