Tag Archive | turn-ons

Why do I “prefer” black men?

interracial couple in bed

This is one of those posts that has the potential to upset and offend just about everyone in some way or another, so I’ve been procrastinating, lol, but there have been a couple of times I said I would write it up.  So, here you go, in question and answer format. 

Most of these are real questions that people have asked at some time or another.  Don’t expect them to be politically correct and I can’t be responsible for other people’s thought processes.  Some, I find offensive too, but I’m going to attempt to answer them anyhow. I’m a big fan of DISCUSSING things rather than shushing people up and telling them they are wrong to ask. 

I’m writing it out in this manner because I think the assumptions people make can be really crazy and so far off from the truth.  Sometimes I understand why they might think a certain way and others I am just shaking my head.  Still, its not like everyone doesn’t wonder.  Maybe YOU were too afraid to ask ;). 

Ever since high school, I’ve been getting this:
Lovergirl, why don’t you ever date white guys?

Who says I don’t?  Why would they assume this?  Mostly it’s…white guys..who ask.  I guess its true, that even back then, the majority of the guys I dated were black.  Still, I’m a never say never kind of girl, especially when it comes to things like sex.  😉

Just for fun, I sat down and figured out the actual percentages for you.  Yeah, I was feeling like a nerd. 😉  This is the breakdown of guys I “count” as having had sex with (invoking the Bill Clinton clause-it doesn’t include oral).  Here are my pussy’s demographics:

Black- 75%
White- 13.23%
Asian- 1.47%
Latino- 2.94%
Mixed race- 7.35%

In every case the “mixed” group was a mix of black and white. 

Actually, the first guy I ever had sex with was white, followed by the second guy, who was Asian and then the third, who was black.  Bam! Bam! Bam!  Got that out of the way as soon as I could, hahaha. 😉  I’m playing. I honestly didn’t even think about it at the time, though now it is kind of cool to be able to say I’ve tasted the rainbow. 🙂

Anyhow, we’ve established that its not “never”.  I’ve always been kinda bugged by people who say they would “never” date someone of a different race, but it’s even more weird when you apply that to your own!  How can you block out an entire race of people from your sexual realm of possibility, and how lame is it to discount your OWN freaking race??  WTF??

Honestly, it bothers me when I hear black men say they won’t date black women and I fully understand why some black women get pissed.  The other day at the swinger party where I was talking with two women, a white guy (the one I had just given a blow job to, actually) walked out the door and they both commented that he was cute but they couldn’t fuck him.  The one girl said “I just can’t do white guys anymore” and the other agreed.  They were both white.  I kept my mouth shut but inwardly I was rolling my eyes.

HOWEVER, that said, I clearly do have a preference.  My general preference is black men.  That is USUALLY what I am attracted to.  It’s actually a very strong preference, as you can see from my numbers above.  I sometimes don’t want to admit it, like when the Professor was looking at my swinger site emails and noticed “you don’t even open the white guys’ mail!” That wasn’t entirely true though, I just hadn’t opened MOST of their mail, lol.

Is it because you hate your dad and are trying to get back at him?

This one is kind of entertaining.  Because, well, I didn’t really know my dad until I was a teenager and in the meantime, I had three stepdads.  The first one was white, the second was from South America and the third was black. 

I hated my third stepdad, and still do, but the last way I would try to “get back” at him would be to date black men.  So, hopefully that answers the question as to whether I would date that way because I was “close” to my stepfather too.  NOPE. 

If my black stepfather had been my only exposure to black men and I was one to assume they were all like him, I’d be a racist bitch.  It didn’t happen that way though, thankfully.  Maybe because I was around enough OTHER family members, who were also black, to not make those kinds of assumptions.

I always felt like I was treated like part of the family, for the most part.  While some of his family weren’t too keen on the fact that he was married to a white woman, they didn’t take it out on ME, because I was a kid.  I was just thrown into the mix with the zillions of cousins running around and really no one seemed to think much of it.

Is it because black guys have bigger dicks?

I’ve gone over this one in my post Big Black Men, Is it True?  So if you haven’t read that, head over there.  The answer is no.  That really has nothing to do with it at all.  When white guys tell me they are “black below the belt” it doesn’t turn me on.  I’m just shaking my head.

Is it because you fucked black guys at a young age and “once you go black you never go back?”

Again, I am a never say never kind of girl, remember?  Even after sleeping with a lot of black guys, I went away to an almost totally white college and guess who I fucked there?  White guys!  In fact, that is where I met my ex husband, who was white.

I get this question more from black men than white ones, actually.  What was really entertaining was after I first met my ex husband and went back home for the summer. 

When I first came back, some girlfriends and I went over to this guy’s house.  There were probably like 15 people over there hanging out.  Maybe 5 girls and 10 guys, all of whom were black (except me).  One of the guys asked who I was dating and I told them about my ex.

He thought that was crazy and announced “Lovergirl is dating a white dude!!!” Soon, the attention was all on me, while he and a few of the other guys grilled me right and left and totally made fun of that fact. 

He was like “you aren’t really dating a white guy, you can’t date a white guy! Once you go black you NEVER go back”.  The girls had to jump in “how can you tell her she can’t date a white guy??  She’s white!  You act like she’s black or something!!”  He asked “what’s his name?” and I told him his name and he starts busting out laughing and all the guys are “that is such a white name, hahahaha”.  I said “he’s white!” lmao “what do you expect??  You want his parents to give him a black name?” hahaha

The teasing went on for awhile, with the guys telling me he was probably cheating on me and me saying “no he isn’t”.  The girls were like “he’s not cheating on her!  He’s white!!”  and the guys were saying he was probably doing so right at that very moment.  :p  Then they threatened to call my ex boyfriend, the crazy drug dealer one, and tell him the news.  They were pretending to pick up the phone and I was all “go ahead!!  Why would he care, I’m not talking to him anymore anyway”.   

The whole thing ended with the guy whose house we were at telling me I “even look more white” and pretending to sneer at me, lmao.  Then he was like “you’ll be back…wait”.  Hahaha  I guess I can’t argue about that. 😉

Hold on, wait.  You have sex with all these black guys and then the guy you chose to MARRY was white?  Is this some sort of latent racism?  Did you think he was better marriage material and a better person to make babies with because of his whiteness?

No.  It wasn’t because he was white that I married him.  I actually always wanted to have a biracial baby, because of my little brother and sister.  When they were born I was a young teenager and took care of them all the time.  I thought they were the cutest things on earth and adored my younger siblings.  I totally wanted a mixed race baby, lol. 

However, I DID think my ex husband was completely different from all the other guys I had been with and more “marriage material”.  So this question gave me a pause for just a minute.  Why did I think that?  Was it more than just the fact that he had been the one to ASK me to get married or that his parents kind of pressured us in that direction?  I never dated any black guys whose parents were pressuring them to marry a white girl, btw, lol. 

If there was ONE stereotype I think I had in my head at the time regarding black men, it was that “black men always cheat”.  I know that this is probably unfair, and of course not always true, but it is what it is.  I’d grown up with that imbedded into my brain, mainly from black women!  Not to mention I’d had quite a few experiences of being cheated ON by black guys, including 3 who impregnated someone else whilst we were dating.

I didn’t want to marry someone who would cheat on me.  So I think in some way that probably DID factor into my decision at the time.  Now that I’m older and wiser I’d say everyone cheats, or they will, if they have the option.  If they have the option and don’t think they would get caught, years after being married…I suspect MOST men AND women, would cheat, black or white.

Shortly before I actually ended up cheating on my ex husband, I was emailing back and forth with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time on MySpace.  She is biracial and has 5 kids with like 5 different dads.  She was relaying a story of one of the dads, who had asked her to marry him and got her to come to another state and even gave her a ring, before she discovered that he was ALREADY married and had given her his current wife’s ring!  Nuts. 

She said “you’re lucky, you married a white guy, you don’t have to worry about him cheating on you”.  She went on to lament that she could never date a white guy herself.  I guess I’ll never know if my ex actually cheated on me but he did eventually fall in love with someone else, so there goes that theory down the drain!

Anyhow, sometimes I kind of wish I had married a black man.  For all the negative press black men get, I’m virtually always impressed by what great fathers the guys I see are.  I mean,  they go over and above, and I am so sad for my own children that they don’t have that.

I think a lot of black men, these days, make it a HUGE priority to be a good dad.  It’s like all their lives they have seen the negative effects in the black community and all the stereotypes and go completely the opposite direction.  I wish someone had drilled this into my ex husband’s head while they were knocking him over it with the Bible.  Sigh…

You must have a sexual “fetish” for black men.

I don’t think that is the case.  It’s true that I am more physically attracted, usually, to black men.  Why that is, I can’t say for sure.  I can say that there are plenty of black men I am NOT attracted to and that the ones I am, tend to fall into a very specific “type”.  So like any other “type” that a person has, mine is black men that fall into whatever attraction template I have.  Actually, I think I have a couple.  Most of the guys I see, look or act, in some way, like a man that I have liked previously.  I guess that is part of my natural selection bias.

I also prefer black men to date, not just for sex.  I tend to feel a lot more comfortable with black men and have more in common.  Maybe that is due to not having been around as many white guys growing up.  Even when I had the South American stepfather, most of the families we associated with were not white.  I sometimes have a harder time relating to white guys, despite being white myself.

Even with my ex husband, I never really felt “close” to him, whereas a lot of times I can talk better with black men and feel more understood.  Maybe it is because I don’t really have the same cultural background as most white men.  When I went away to an all white, country, college, it was actually kind of a culture shock for me.  The music, movies, and general attitude that I grew up with veered more towards black than white.  Not that I didn’t have white friends or go to predominately white schools, because I did, but at home it was different.

So what is it that you like about black men and why do you think you choose them?

This is the hard part, because I can’t write it without admitting to having some stereotypes.  I like to think I don’t, but I guess we all do to some extent, like it or not.  Here is the deal though, I have certain traits that I like and have come to look for in men.  In my experience, it is much EASIER to find what I am looking for in a black man. 

What I think it boils down to, is that I percieve black men as being more “Alpha” in general.  Before the white guys get too upset and disagree, let me explain.  It’s not that white guys don’t sometimes have “Alpha” characteristics or that ALL black men fit the description. It just seems, in our culture and at least, here in the U.S., that with white guys it’s something like 20% of the population versus 80% of black men.

Let’s say, for example, that I am looking for a man who is dominant in bed.  I go on a sex site and find 10 black guys and 10 white guys.  Probably 8 of the black men are going to fit that description, but only 2 of the white guys.  Since the majority of the population is white (and especially where I live now), if I just focus on the black men, I can get what I want a LOT faster and not have to filter through zillions of passive white dudes.  Plus, because there are few black men in this area, I have an even smaller group to narrow it down to.

Ever feel like you are totally overwhelmed at Walmart because there are sooo many choices to pick from, for something as basic as shampoo?  It’s like I don’t even know where to start and I don’t want to try each one to figure out if it (he) is what I am looking for.  Would be much faster to run around the corner to the place that only sells a few salon brands. 

Anyow, that might be a bad analogy because I usually do just grab a Walmart shampoo, lmao, and I like to try different ones. 😉  But hopefully, I’m making SOME sense. 

What are the traits that you associate more often with black men, that you like?

Well, we have established the more dominant part.  I think that tends to be true, both in and out of the bedroom.  Now get ready for the massive generalizations, but I find them to be mostly true in my experience.

In general, black men that I meet, are more likely to have some of the following characteristics:

Dress nicely (white European guys do this but in the U.S., white guys tend to think this is “gay”)
Take good care of their physique or are “athletic”
Meticulous hygeine
Clean freaks (I love this and you rarely come across black men that are slobs)
LIKE to talk about relationships, and sex (for some reason white guys don’t seem as interested in this a lot of times)
Less judgemental
More complimentary
Less emotionally reserved and more willing to talk about feelings
More protective
More of a gentleman in how they treat women
Less critical
More supportive, emotionally
Put more emphasis on family and ties to friends

AND…what I know you really want to know…IN the bedroom

More emotionally expressive and PASSIONATE
More appreciative of my body
More dominant and commanding
More sensual and “romantic”
Care more about my pleasure in a non-supplicating way
Less selfish
More experienced

OF COURSE-

There are plenty of lame black men out there too, but I do seem to be able to find what I am looking for more often and I do love the color contrast of dark skin on lighter skin in bed.  I’ve been with a couple of white guys that were good in bed but they didn’t open up as much.  I’ve also had a disproportionate amount of one night stands with white guys.  It’s like they are quicker to hit it and quit it or think of you as “slutty” afterwards. 

My other deal with the white guys I have come across on dating sites is that they seem to go to extremes.  It’s like they are either super passive or they go crazy with it and take “dominant” to mean rough, aggressive and MEAN, which I hate.  I once put out a Craigslist ad looking for a “freak” in the bedroom.  It was like all the black guys knew exactly what I meant but the white guys were talking about totally off the wall shit, involving all kinds of props and stuff that I would never want to do.  I don’t know, maybe that’s just part of the communication barrier I was talking about earlier.

I know some of you all are probably chomping at the bit by now, but these are just my observations, experiences and feelings.  Thoughts?

Drifting into dreamland…..

 

Ever since the party the other night I feel like I’ve been falling harder for the Producer.  I didn’t think this was going to happen.  I’ve really got to concentrate on keeping my head on straight. 

The question I have to ask myself is why now?  We’ve been seeing one another for a couple of months and having lots of sex.  I really wasn’t that into him previously.  I mean I liked him, but I wonder what triggered these seemingly sudden new feelings?

Could it be that his accepting attitude towards me fucking another man, and one who was better endowed and hot at that, actually got me going?  I’m kind of bewildered.  I’ve always thought that would make the guy look kind of weak, but it didn’t in this case at all.

Then there is the fact that he told me some stuff about his past that isn’t repeatable on this blog.  It’s dangerous, badass, and maybe should be a red flag.  Yet, somehow I think my mind converts this to HOT.  I didn’t really feel that way when he told me about his former involvement in the porn industry (not as an actor but producing movies- he said it was actually to the point that he got tired of looking at pussies all day, lol).  Perhaps it’s something to do with the mystery of it all, it’s past but is there any way he could be covering things up now?  I’m on alert.

I mean I already know he’s a bit of a baller.  He cracks me up because he looks and acts the part.  He’s exactly what you’d expect a bigwig producer type to be like, in a lot of ways.  The other day he had me laughing because we were at the hotel and I said I needed to use the computer in the lobby to print off a couple of forms (I don’t have a printer at home).  It cost like 10 cents a page and he was like “you tell them Big Daddy said to put it on the tab”.  He didn’t want me to pay for it. LMFAO.  10 cents  :::smh:::: but yeah, that is his general attitude.

I’m pretty certain he’s into me.  He says I’m a “man’s dream” and keeps talking about how he loved being able to wake up next to me in the morning.  He keeps commenting that he’s really feeling me and I have him sprung.  Yesterday he referred to me as his baby.

The issue though, is that I don’t want to fuck up a good thing.  It seems like whenever “feelings” start to come into play it messes up whatever you have going.  People start acting like fools.  Jealousy, drama, I don’t want to mess with any of that.  I’m trying hard to reign in my rampant fantasies that have been going wild the past couple of days.

I’m still not “in love” but I’ve been doused with a bit of NRE (new relationship energy, or infatuation).  It’s all those little what ifs.  What if I could actually get what I want?  A long term relationship with someone who could help me- financially and with my difficult teenage son who really needs a male role model and someone intimidating enough to keep him in line.  That and would LET me have sex with other men??  OMG, it would be a dream come true. 

He’s commented that if I let him take my son for a weekend he would set him straight.  I don’t know what the hell he’d be planning to do though, lol.  The Producer was a problem child too and got kicked out of his entire school district.  I know he can identify and from his comments I can tell he’d be a bit harsh but he’s also generally pretty nice and easygoing.  He doesn’t seem like a control freak.

Did I mention he’s never had kids and actually seems to want one of his own?  I’d love to have another baby someday…. Before I get too old, lol, and I’ve always wanted a mixed baby, ever since taking care of my biracial siblings as a teen. He’s talked about how important it would be to him to be there for his children and to stay with the mother if he ever had kids.

He’s got a big house, with lots of bedrooms, a movie theater, a video arcade and a fully stocked bar.  I told him he should put a pole down there (for me) and throw swinger parties and he liked the idea.  Yeah my imagination has gone into overdrive.

Still, it’s all so premature.  I don’t want to get my hopes up or daydream too much about things that could be totally unrealistic.  Yeah, someone knock some sense into me!!  LOL  Help!! 

“Good in bed” and what it means to me…

in deep

I talk a lot about sex on my blog.  Sometimes I mention how fantastic a certain guy is in bed.  I’ve even mentioned “Penis Power” and the effect certain guys can have on a woman, and what they can do to her with their dick. However, today I’d like to go into more detail, and describe what “good in bed” means to me.

What got me thinking was a recent question by Cecilia in response to one of my blog entries.  She asked what it was that made “good pussy” according to men, since I have mentioned guys telling me I have some.  I’ve often wondered the same thing.  Kdaddy responded with his idea of “good pussy” which was interesting and helpful. He even mentioned that he may write a blog about it himself.  I’d definitely be interested in reading that one!! 

I’ve actually posed that question to men before and they have given various answers but the concept is still pretty vague.  Basically, I get that they want a woman to be enthusiastic.  Some say they like them tight and others say wet.  Being “good in bed” as a woman is hard to define.  Heck, I wrote an entire blog about THAT too. (Redefining Love) I talked about the lame tips we get from sources like Cosmo and how we are supposed to figure out what to do from there but don’t really have any real guidelines, as women.

Today though, I want to talk about men, and my personal preferences.  I can’t really speak for other women though I can GUESS that they might be similar to me in some ways.  Still, we are often different, or so say the men, and confusing.  Nero mentioned recently in one of HIS blogs that his wife didn’t like him pulling her hair during sex, though he thought she’d respond well to something a little more rough, since he’s been spying on her kindle searches and she seems to like sex stories that involve dominant men.

I don’t know about her, and can’t really fathom the negative response she gave, other than attributing it to being her husband and not wanting to submit too much too him.  However, on MY end, I love that shit.  I love it when a guy gets a little rough with me, hair pulling, spanking, getting aggressive, even to the point where I feel fear.  Actually that turns me on, being a little afraid of him and the power that he has over me in bed.

I used to think I’d hate someone choking me but there have been a few occasions where a guy put his hand to my throat in a mock “choke” and I actually came.  Despite my massive fear, and claustrophobic reaction to being “choked”, or perhaps because of it, I got really turned on.  I wouldn’t have thought so.  After having a guy really try to choke me once, and pick me up by my throat in a non- sexual manner, it is something that freaks me out…and apparently gets me horny too.

That said, I wouldn’t want serious choking, in or out of the bedroom.  It’s a fine line, kind of like a rape fantasy.  Oh, and rape fantasies?  I have those too.  I guess I’m actually fairly typical as far as women go in that regard.  It’s supposedly one of the top things we fantasize about and I’m right there with you all.

Actually, and I know this is terribly un-pc and perhaps a bit dangerous to admit (thank God this is fairly anonymous) but there was at least one time I was raped for real and actually enjoyed it.  It’s not something I’d ever want to encourage anyone to do, of course, and I’ve also been raped in a more traumatic way, at gunpoint, but this time, well, it was fucking HOT!! 

I’m a tad bit drunk while writing today (downed a bottle of wine) so bear with me, but this is brutal honesty.  Please don’t take it as me saying its okay to rape, or be raped because it’s not.  I was not turned on at ALL by the incident with the guy with the gun, however, this particular other time, well, it was the stuff my fantasies are made of.  If you are sensitive to this topic you may want to stop reading now.

I’ve mentioned this before on my blog.  I was 15 years old and lying in bed after having had sex with my boyfriend.  He went upstairs when some people showed up at the house and I was in a dark basement bedroom all by myself.  My clothes were on the floor next to the bed and I didn’t feel like getting up just yet. 

Someone came down the stairs, I think I probably thought it was my boyfriend and didn’t make a move to get up.  They opened the door and I could see a silhouette in the doorway, the light shining behind the guy who was standing there.  I was naked so I quickly pulled a sheet over myself, but not before he saw my body. All I could see of him was that he was wearing a wife beater and some kind of pimp hat.  He appeared to be biracial.  I couldn’t see his face though, because it was too dark and the light was behind him.

He came right up to the bed and got on top of me, with only the sheet between us.  I don’t remember what he said but know he was talking in a low voice and trying to get me turned on, as he pulled the sheet down.  I actually fought back, pushing him off, telling him no, and even biting his shoulder, yelling at him to stop.  I guess no one heard me.  He ignored my protests and just kept going. 

I couldn’t stop him.  He pried my legs apart and slid inside me easily, due to my being soaking wet already, from just having finished a round of sex with someone else.  He had a decent sized cock and no matter how much I had tried to stop him I couldn’t stop how good he was starting to make me feel.  IT FELT REALLY FREAKING GOOD.  He was whispering in my ear and despite my reluctance I couldn’t stop myself from moaning in pleasure. 

When he was done he got up and left.  I was upset enough that I cried and I asked around to try and figure out who he was.  The guys who were there gave some guesses so I THINK I know and it’s someone I saw fairly frequently at school but never actually talked to.  Still, I will never be 100% sure.

Did I feel violated?  Yes, but I was also extremely turned on and it’s something that still gets me excited to think about today.  Actually it was similar to my experience with another guy, one I’ve mentioned before as someone who I eventually got into a fuck buddy style relationship with, even though we basically hated each other. 

The second guy was the one who first got me involved in some gangbangs.  I blame him because I willingly slept with the first person, but not with this one.  He came up behind, unexpected and got on top of me before I had a chance to get up.  I fought with and attempted to push him off multiple times, but he wouldn’t let me or allow me to get to my clothes.  He’d just start talking to me, whispering in my ear as he inched a little closer, with the tip inside me, a little bit at a time, until he was all the way in and fucking me, where I couldn’t make him stop. 

I don’t doubt in the least that they had planned it that way, because he was good.  Not just good at working his way in but good at sex in general and soon had me feeling better than I wanted to and super turned on, even though I didn’t want to be, or want to be in that situation.  By the time the next guys came along in line I didn’t even try to fight with them.  I knew it was fruitless and wasn’t going to work, he’d made me feel helpless.  So I lay there and let them have their way with me.

There were many times after that he and I continued to have sex and he was always very aggressive in the sense that he just “took” what he wanted.  We could barely stand one another during the day but at night he was fucking the daylights out of me.  We’d get in arguments that ended up in the bedroom, with him taking out his aggression and it was just hot, hot, hot!!

Admittedly, nowadays, I get turned on by that shit.  A guy who can make me feel completely at his mercy can REALLY get me going.  I can’t really say whether that is due to previous experiences or just the way I am but I love it!!

The Married Man, who is my favorite sex of all time, does just that.  Makes me feel like he is in complete control and there is nothing I can do.  He was the first guy that brought me to multiple orgasms and it was because I didn’t have any choice.  He had me in all these positions and was doing all this stuff to me that felt sooo good and I couldn’t make him stop.  I lost all control because he took it.  He even pinned me down when he was licking me and wouldn’t let me up, and what do you know I just kept cumming and cumming and cumming.

  At one point he had me pinned up against the headboard of the bed, fucking me in a pretzel style that had me screaming because I couldn’t handle it anymore.  He finally realized I was serious and gave me a little break, lol.  I thought I was going to have a heart attack I was orgasming so much.  I mean it.

He also knew exactly what to do with his dick.  As does the Professor.  Stuff and positions that drive me crazy.  He, the Prof and the guy I mentioned above are my top three of all time. 

Another thing they all had in common was that they wanted to be called “Daddy” in bed.  Something about that just puts me through the roof and part of it is probably that I would never just say that to anyone.  It’s another form of taking control.  Something about the vulnerability of “going there” with a guy is like the ultimate turn on to me.

Mr. Firm, well, judging from the explosive first time sex we had, he may get there someday as well.  The way he stared into my eyes, the things he said to me, the forceful way he grabbed my body and did what he wanted, all those are indicators to me of a man that can rock my world.  I have a big thing for experiencing all that masculine power between the sheets.

Even the Producer, the last time we had sex was hotter than usual and I think it was because I was still half dressed.  I was wearing heels and he had me bent over the bed and I kept sliding in them across the carpet so couldn’t fully stand up.  He just ignored it and pounded away.  Then he had me lying on my back with my legs up and the fact that I was still wearing them added to that helpless feeling.  I dunno why I love that so much but I do.

So for me the top turn ons are a really dominant guy who also can sweet talk me.  If he’s saying sexy things to me (but not mean, like calling me a whore or something) and at the same time fucking me forcefully I just lose it.  Completely.  Something about that sweet, sexy, voice and also knowing what to do with his cock puts me over the edge.  If he can go down on me and do it in a dominant way then he is like top of the list too (Mr. Firm was good at that…as is the Married Man…mmmmm….).

Some people get upset by rape-ish fantasies and it seems all the more difficult these days to find men that can indulge them without misunderstanding. (By that I mean understanding that I don’t like any real pain and still want to feel a connection.) Still, when they can….whew!  Not to say the Prof did that, because he didn’t, but he was still dominant and still really took control. 

Man, I’m getting all excited and I’m stuck here because my vehicle is in the shop.  The Producer is halfway across the US today at a party and no one else is nearby or available.  Dangit… 

There’s that guy that gave me the flowers and he keeps trying to hit me up but I know he would suck in bed, lol.  He was trying to convince me with lines like “I’ll make it really fast, just come by here for a couple minutes”.  Gee, that’s hot…NOT!!

I did a funny little experiment the other day, after this guy on my Facebook posted that if you want to know if a guy is really into you, ask him your eye color.  So I thought I’d play a little game and see if any of them got it right.  Wanna know who did?  My Fuck Buddy!!  Hahaha  

I told him what the guy had posted and he was like “that guy is an idiot”.  Lmao…yeah, I didn’t figure he was all that “into me” anyhow.  My eyes are olive green…see the pic?

eye<

  Yet most of them said “hazel”. 

The Married Man guessed light brown or light green.  Mr. Firm said “hazel or multicolored” and I told him he gets a pass, since we just met, lol. The Pilot ignored me (though we’ve talked a tiny bit, I wished him a Happy Birthday via text and he chatted just a little but I think he’s still mad) and the Producer tried to argue with me that olive green and hazel are “the same”.  He was googling pics and trying to convince me that he is actually “into me” lmao!!  My FWB, who I haven’t seen in ages, said hazel but then was like “I could identify your eyes among 100 pairs”.  Yeah, yeah….  I didn’t ask the guy I had the affair with because he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt.  He always talks about my “green eyes”. 

I avoided asking the young guy or the one who gave me flowers or any of the ones I think are into me but where I don’t return the sentiment.  I’m still not talking to the Prof.  He looked at my swinger pics once again but I’m too upset with the Facebook shenanigans to have anything to do with him at this point.  Ugh. 

Anyhow, will see the Producer in a couple of days so not like I’m going sexless any time soon.  😉  He is having to find a new place for when he is in town and may get one closer to me.  Not sure what that is all about but it’s interesting anyway.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

 

P.S.  I do exactly what is in the picture sometimes, ha!!  Trying to keep from guys going in too deep!! 

Don’t look back…

bridgeonfire

Well, things have come to a final close with the Professor.  My hope is gone and I know it’s over.  He tried to act polite and maybe even lead me on a little with our most recent discussion, but I asked a male friend to look over our texting transcript and give me his honest opinion.

 Basically, he told me I was giving too much weight to the little scraps of hope and that the Prof was being a tad dishonest.  Like one time I asked him straight out if a comment he made meant he still liked me and he said “sure”.  I asked “sure? lol “ and he claimed his phone had changed his “yes” answer to “sure”.  Considering the possibility of that is about zero, yeah, he had to be full of shit.

Anyhow, the whole interaction left me feeling pretty awful, even though he purported to be having a hard time too.  His actions belied his words.  Without a man to interpret that for me I probably would have continued grasping at straws.  It was hard to accept reality, but it also took a huge weight off my shoulders. 

I’m finally done.  I don’t think there is any going back now, even if he changed his mind.  The respect I had for him has kinda gone out the window and I feel betrayed and hurt and don’t want to mess with it again.  I asked him to delete the videos he has of me and he said he would.  Then I told him to forget he ever met me.  He gave some lame reply about how he wouldn’t forget, which I didn’t respond to.  As far as I’m concerned he can fuck off.

I broke down and cried after the conversation, and again last night when my head hit the pillow, but it’s different.  I don’t want him back. I have no desire to check up on him, I just want to stay far, far away.  Only once do I remember having a breakup this painful and it hurt me for YEARS.  I can’t allow that to happen. 

My self -esteem has taken quite a blow but Lovergirl always hits the ground running.  I’ve got an interesting new prospect in the wings.  Actually, he is someone off the swinger site that has an uncanny resemblance to the Professor.  I almost ignored him because of that and the issues I’ve been having with him but decided not to let that affect my decision.

In an interesting twist of fate, he has also been validated on the site by the married woman that sees the Professor.  I’m not sure what that means exactly, as he has a LOT of very positive sounding references from the ladies.  I have no idea how well they might know each other but he does live up in her general direction. 

At first this kind of put me off, because I’d like to avoid dabbling in the Professor and this woman’s social circle for the time being, but at the same time, if I want to hook up with anyone off that site or at parties it is probably something I will have to face eventually.  SO, I’m like, fuck it, I’ll just do my thing and not worry about that.

I had sex once before, with a man who had been validated by the married lady.  She had great things to say about him online but he and I didn’t hit it off very well at all.  He drove 4 hours and got a hotel to come fuck me but it wasn’t the greatest experience.  I didn’t find him to be my “type” and he didn’t follow through on the promises he made for the bedroom.  Like he said he would give me a full body massage and go down on me.  Never happened.  The most exciting moment of the night was when the condom snapped off and got lost inside me for a minute.  I also can’t assume that just because we have the same taste in the Prof we’d be similar with other guys.  Still I’m sure there are going to be SOME overlaps in that area. 

Anyhow, let me tell you all about the new guy.  I’m kind of excited, but well, you’ve seen how that plays out for me sometimes. Don’t want to jump the gun here too much! Trying to keep in mind that it may be another let down, but it’s fun to imagine anyway.

The recent prospect lives a few hours away.  We haven’t met yet and due to circumstances it will be a couple of weeks before we do.  His car is in the shop because of a minor accident and I’m expecting my period to arrive next week (unless it’s 6 days late again!) In any case it seems like forever right now but we have been doing a lot of texting and I like his personality.

His rave reviews on the site are definitely a big factor in my interest, lmao.  A few women mentioned his expertise in using all of his tools properly and how he rocked their world.  Yeah, I can handle that ;).  His looks, well, at first I thought he looked a little too much like the Professor, but on closer observance I’d say he’s objectively better looking.  I don’t think most people would be all “damn he’s hot” when looking at a picture of the Prof but my emotions colored my response to him. 

So “hot” wasn’t my first thought but he is definitely do-able.  He has some kind of job that involves strategic planning at an Army headquarters and I guess he’s the boss.  He also flew a helicopter in Iraq and Afghanistan, which is pretty damn cool, so from now on I’ll probably refer to him as “the Pilot”.

He’s been in “the Lifestyle” for 4 years, and is 40 years old.  According to him, he would love to find a woman that would attend parties with him occasionally.  I’m not opposed to that, just need to watch out that I don’t end up in a similar situation as I did with the Professor, if we do hit it off.  I’ve asked him a few questions to try and see where his head is at and so far so good.  He tries not to get emotionally attached but loves the feeling of connection with the women he plays with. 

Sexually, we seem, so far, to be a really good match.  He likes to dominate, and our likes and dislikes appear to be similar.  He’s not particularly into anal, can take it or leave it (yay!) and loves to eat pussy (my kind of man!).  He asked me what my “limits” are and that question always throws me for a loop because you are never sure what kinds of activities they are imagining.  Apparently my answers were entertaining.  Like I said that I didn’t like anyone biting my nipples, no fisting, don’t slap me in the face or call me names and he laughed and said he wasn’t planning anything like that! 

He did admit to having fucked quite a few wives and having it videotaped and he said he doesn’t mind incidental contact with males but doesn’t want any intentional touching.  This led me to ask if he has tried DVP (double vaginal penetration).  I have no interest in it myself but am kind of morbidly curious since the Prof and another man have told me they have done so.  Sure enough, he says he has, twice, with one couple.  He said the woman really enjoyed it but it wasn’t particularly his thing or anything.  Gosh, this is more common than I would have thought, or else he and the Prof and the other dude are all talking about the same couple!  Ha!

He told me an interesting story about a swinger party he attended in a small town about an hour and a half away that has a population of like 2,000.  I guess they had a party there a couple of years ago that was specifically for white women who were into black men.  It was on a farm out in the middle of nowhere, and he says he fucked 7 women in a row and ended up breaking the couple’s bed.  Hmmm…  haha.  Well, at least we know he’s got some stamina.

In any case, he’s planning on driving here, getting a hotel for the night and taking me out to dinner and for drinks.  I’m looking forward to it.  In the meantime, he texts quite a lot and keeps telling me how interested in me he is, so I guess that’s good news.  Hopefully nothing gets ruined during our two week wait.

His pictures were nice but the first pic he sent of his cock I was thinking it didn’t look all that big.  Yet, he made a comment about how my pics made “all 8 ½ inches stand up” so maybe it’s an illusion.  Also I was thinking he needed a trim around the pubic area but maybe it was just the lighting and background because the next pic didn’t look bad.  Idk, I kinda like a bit of manscaping because it’s easier for me to do what I wanna do to him, but I’m not asking him to shave it all off or anything.  Actually, not saying a word, haha, but thinking.  Maybe it was the lighting effect of the supposed pubic fro that made his junk look shorter than he says. 

Wish me luck though, it seems so far that this one has some promise to develop into something fun and maybe more than just a one night stand.  In the meantime I have to figure out what I am going to do with myself this weekend!  I have been chatting back and forth a bit with a guy that says he takes Boudoir photos, but he is going to be gone too.  I know that sounds sketchy and I even met him through Craigslist, but he actually seems pretty professional and you sign forms and whatnot and get a cd of touched up images.  He’s trying to build a portfolio.   I would so love to have some pics like that of myself.

I don’t know, despite my insane amount of horniness lately (I haven’t had sex in 3 weeks!!) I may decide to take a little healing break and spend some time alone or shopping for cute clothes and lingerie or even a new vibrator, rather than go on a date this weekend.  Don’t count on it though, will see what happens next. 😉

The problem with porn

My ex- husband claimed he was addicted to porn. So addicted, that he lacked the desire to actually have sex with a flesh and blood female. That was his story. It’s hard to say how much of that was truth, but I do know that he, like virtually every other male on the face of the planet, had some sort of relationship with women in pictures and on a screen.

I have to admit I resented the voyeuristic tendencies of men very strongly during those years. I came to view pornography as my competition, as the evil force that was out to destroy my home and family. I was angry that I was being rejected due to my husband’s obsession with women who were really only portraying a fantasy, something I could never live up to. I felt like I was being cheated on. Like seriously, you’d rather do that than fuck me?

Now I’ve come to realize that he may have been simply using that as an excuse, to cover up possible homosexual tendencies. Perhaps it was porn that involved his dominatrix fantasies, which I discovered during the divorce. I really can’t say, because he never would own up to it or let me see what he was actually watching.

I know that he had gone to porn booths, which I knew nothing about beforehand and am still a little hazy on. Apparently that involves putting change into a video player in a booth and watching movies while you jack off. Relatively harmless sounding, to me, but I’ve since heard that people actually have anonymous sexual encounters there, sometimes involving other men. Oh, so that’s why it was such a big deal. Hmmm…. He’d even supposedly talked over his “problem” with our pastor and went to a special men’s group at the church where they discussed this very issue, because so many men in the church were “struggling” with porn problems.

It’s funny because when we were dating, and I was 18, before we’d gotten to the point where he “rededicated his life to Christ” and decided he couldn’t sleep with me anymore before marriage, I’d actually tried to get him to watch a porn movie WITH me. After all, at that time in my life I knew plenty of young men who watched porn and it had never occurred to me that it might be a “problem” that needed fixing.

I’d seen a few porn movies myself, with guys mostly, and with friends and never really thought too much about it. Actually, I mostly found them more entertaining than a turn on, but they were interesting. So I dragged the ex to the xxx video store (back before the internet was so mainstream). I was curious to find something we could watch as a couple and was sadly disappointed that the whole place was filled with movies that only seemed interesting to men. I mean there were a few video covers with attractive guys on the front, but those were the gay ones. I asked the guy behind the counter for help and he pointed us in the general direction of some videos made for couples. My ex- husband looked like he wanted to crawl through the floor. He later said watching porn just wasn’t something you did with another person. Huh?

Anyway, with an odd seeming sense of trepidation, he picked out the movie. We went back home to watch it. WOW. It was horrible. SO bad that I was practically rolling on the floor laughing the entire time. This really unattractive, old, balding, fat man who couldn’t get an erection was standing there talking and his beautiful, dolled up and in sexy lingerie “wife” was doing things to try and get him turned on. Then it turned to her whipping him and him crawling on the floor and kissing her feet and begging. OMG, it was pathetic and a huge turn OFF, at least for me. I now know that those type of things excited my ex- husband, but he was afraid to tell me about it, I guess.

We were a horrible sexual match, two people who would both prefer to be submissive in bed. Not cool. I guess I’d given him a different impression in the beginning because I was so forward with sexual things and used to a certain level of expectation. Like on our first date I automatically gave him a blow job, because that’s what every other guy seemed to want. It never crossed my mind that would be seen as aggressive, but him, being sexually much more inexperienced, probably saw it as so. It was only after the date (and we’d had sex too, me climbing on his lap in the car because, well, I was horny and that’s just what you did, right?) that I realized he saw my actions as slutty and I started to backtrack and freak out, trying to portray a more ladylike image. I can kind of see why he mistook me as more dominant than I really am.

So back to porn. He claimed he rarely watched it but that it was still an addiction. I don’t get it, but that’s okay. As for me, I’ve not watched a lot of porn either. Mainly I think it’s because I’m not really a voyeur. I just don’t get that turned on by watching a dick going in and out and in and out repeatedly from the viewpoints and angles you see in porn. Whoop de do. :p Plus it’s just funny to me, the plotlines are so ridiculous and back then the skinny, hairy guys just weren’t sexy to me at all. And what is with all the attractive women and totally UNattractive men? Come on now.

I remember the first “real” porn movie I ever watched. It was called Tabu III and I watched it at a guy’s house with a bunch of other teenagers. My girlfriend and I were cracking up at the stupidity of the comments “but, you’re my mother” (OMG!!!). We laughed so hard through the whole thing, I can’t imagine it actually getting me wet. There was a lesbian scene somewhere that kinda excited me but that was about it. Wash, dry, rinse and repeat with just about every porn movie I saw back then. The soft porn was just too boring and the harder stuff was mostly funny. I did see a threesome scene with two guys and a woman standing on a roadside somewhere that I kinda liked though. 😉

Now I had seen stuff when I was younger, but it was mostly involving naked women. A friend’s dad had a playboy centerfold photo up in his garage and piles of magazines so I’d seen those, but not particularly of interest to me other than just basic curiosity. I’d also seen some sort of Showtime movie involving two women in a steam room making out naked, that was kind of hot, but most porn just really didn’t impress me. I once purchased a Playgirl, just to see what it was like but again, it only made me laugh. Some naked guy I don’t know posing is kind of funny and their idea of attractive doesn’t really jive with mine.

I guess I’m a typical female in that I’d rather READ a steamy, sexy story than watch it on the screen. That way I can fill in the pictures with my imagination. I wonder if that is because so much porn caters to men and I just haven’t seen much that would turn me on. I’m not into ugly guys fucking attractive women and never going down on them. That seems to be like 85% of the porn out there. The emotional coldness, the obvious faked orgasms (a lot of women in porn don’t even bother to fake it), the bored or “God, would you just hurry up already so I can get paid” looks on the females’ faces, it just doesn’t do anything for me.

I don’t know though, I once watched some online webcam videos of real couples having sex, with a guy friend of mine. That was incredibly boring to me too. Like one couple the woman was sitting on top of the man and spent what seemed like ages just running her nails up and down his chest. I could barely sit through it and wanted to fast forward to the “good part” just like I would have to with a regular porn movie most of the time. The same positions for a long time too, just not worth watching. I don’t get all that excited seeing people have sex in real life either, like at the swinger parties. Maybe I just need to participate. And I do kind of like being watched! 😉

Don’t get me wrong. I love to read and have written a few erotic stories of my own and I love to watch myself and guys I am into on video. I’m over the “porn is evil” mindset because it’s obvious to me that it only becomes an “issue” when you make it one. I also like to find out what kind of porn the guys I like are into because it gives me an idea about them and what they are secretly fantasizing about, and I can capitalize on that! 😉 I just hope they aren’t secretly into something I can’t provide. If they’re hoping for anal with Asian women, midgets and whip wielding dominatrixes, I’m not gonna be able to cut it, lol. It’s good to know that though, so you at least realize it’s not you, it’s him. Of course I fantasize about some things I’d never actually do, so we can’t assume every porn dream is a desired reality either.

The Love of My Life once sent me an entire file full of porn and didn’t explain why. I asked but he didn’t respond. Okay, he must want me to watch some of this? So I did and was pleasantly surprised that it was mostly amateur stuff and the women all looked very different from one another. I have to say though that one particular video may have scarred me for life. It was of a gigantic woman with a big, hairy bush. Her ass was completely covered with pimples and she was just butt booty ugly (sorry, its true!). So the guy kept oiling her ass over and over and having her wiggle and jiggle it for the camera. Boy, that was exciting. Or not. Hahaha Then he fucked her but it was just….yucky. Another one had a girl with big boobs jumping up and down on a bed for a long time naked. Okay. It seemed like some of the fucking scenes took forever to get to and I had to fastforward through all the boring “foreplay”. Most of it involved a woman sucking the guy’s dick and then sex, but she didn’t get any licking. Boooooo!! Selfish, selfish, men, who of course had to end by cumming on her face or some other act that was meant to appear degrading. Or the women would act terrified due to a guy with a gigantic dick. Snort…

He later told me he had done computer work for the porn company and that he’d only watched the first 20 seconds or so of each video because of it and was laughing at the way the people had gotten some of the women to participate. Mmmmmkay…. Well, I guess they got paid anyway, let’s hope.

I was once at the Professor’s house and he was showing me pictures he’d taken at a relative’s wedding ceremony when a site he’d been on accidentally popped up. Mature lesbian porn. So that’s what he apparently watches. Hmmmmm…. interesting. He does tend to go for the older women.

So the other day I saw a porn video someone posted on a forum that I actually kind of liked. It was this one (please don’t click link if you are under 18).

http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=762251480

I’m loving how they look at each other and that she obviously enjoys it. You don’t see much of that in porn. She actually had some real orgasms too. Wow. She’s touching him and saying things that I sometimes say in the heat of the moment too so it seems more genuine. Nice. I showed it to the Professor and said this kind of reminds me of us. He agreed but said “yeah, but you cum way more than that,” which is true, especially with him, lol. That’s a relatively new development for me though. Until earlier this year, with the married man, I’d hardly cum during sex with a guy. Actually, it’s debatable if I’d ever at all, with anyone other than myself, and I’d had a fair amount of sex with a fair amount of people, some of whom were pretty darn good in bed. So it’s not all the guys fault, but that’s another topic, lol.

So what are your thoughts on porn? Do you like it? If so do you have a favorite type? Are you male or female?