Tag Archive | swinger parties

Orgy party, part 1

party

I had quite the fuckfest this weekend. 🙂  Unfortunately my computer is still giving me problems and so I am at the library with only time for a short write up.   I’ll try to make it brief.

My second house party was this weekend.  I was invited by a man I will refer to as Mr. Host.  He’s got an office job that he does from home as well as a job in security where he is some sort of manager.  He is the one I went out on a date with, with a couple where he was here to have sex with the wife, but who had yet to try and fuck me.  He had suggested I help him out with his parties by assisting in greeting people and possibly joining his couples profile (I haven’t agreed to do that but he wanted me to think about it). 

Anyhow, he wired me some gas money to come up there and added in a little extra for food and liquor.  In total, because he ended up helping me with gas on my way home, he gave me $100.  He had also said if I showed up early enough before the party he would take me to buy a Santa outfit to wear from Victoria’s Secret. 

Unfortunately (well, it ended up being rather fortunately) I was unable to make it by the time he suggested.  Instead, I opted to meet Mr. Firm at his hotel beforehand.  Whooo, am I glad I did that!  OMFG that man can fuck!!  We actually had the hotel front desk person call and then knock on the door, due to a noise complaint, lmao.  :::: Blushing :::  but it’s his fault ;).

God, he is soooo good, and I couldn’t say enough things about how wonderful and perfect he is, in every way.  He’s like the most awesomest fwb any woman could ever hope for.  Sooo glad I met him!!  Not only is he my second favorite sex of all time, but he’s just cool as hell as a person.  He gives the best advice, he’s honest and knows how to set boundaries and make me feel comfortable with things.  He’s been in the lifestyle for like 9 years or more, so I’m sure that helps.

There were at least two other women (wives) that had contacted him prior to the party and wanted to meet (fuck) him.  He let me know about this upfront and told me exactly how he would act towards me at the party.  He said he would flirt with me and probably fuck me and dance together and that if things got uncomfortable with staying at the host house, I could come to his hotel with him.  Then he also let me know that he would probably fuck these other women too and maybe have a couple back to his hotel at some point.  He just wanted to be sure I knew that.  I really LIKE it when a guy is honest with me like that because it helps me to be mentally prepared for what may happen and then I can handle it all.

At one point I did kind of question him about how he was going to be able to handle it.  I asked if all these women wanted to fuck him, if he thought he’d really be up to the task.  He was like “I’ll eat my Wheaties” which made me bust out laughing.  I’m telling you, he is really my kind of guy, and smart too! Of course he’s taken and totally unavailable for more than a fwb thing but he doesn’t lead me on about that or anything either. 

I think it was a really good move to have me with him at the hotel first.   He fucked the hell out of me and I would have been happy as a clam if that was all the sex I got.  He later said the same thing, it would have made him happy enough too, but we both ended up having some other fun. 😉

I showered in his hotel room and then headed off to the party.  He told me he’d be fashionably late, an hour or so later, and did exactly as he promised. 

At the door were some security guys who turned out to be cousins of the host.  They weren’t there from the swinger website and Mr. Host said they were more there to keep an eye on things than to play, but they could and might later on.  I thought they were kind of hot and could tell they liked me too.

Mr. Host got me set up with a wine glass (everyone else was drinking out of plastic cups) and my wine I had bought with the money.  He told me to greet people and flirt and have fun.  So, I flitted about like a little social butterfly and did just that.  It was actually kind of fun not having a guy with me because I was free to talk to pretty much anyone without any worries. 

When Mr. Firm arrived we didn’t spend a lot of time together, but I’d walk by him and we’d stop and kiss for a little bit, or he’d grab my ass and wink or something and we’d smile at each other.  I bragged on him a little bit to a couple of other women and one of them agreed.  She’d apparently fucked him before too, but I can’t even remember who it was. 

I know the other lady was the one who had called me a bitch and gone out with the Referee at the last party.  I made up with her too.  I went up to her and was nice and told her not to worry about all that stuff and that I loved her dress, was girlfriend chatty with her and hugged her and stuff. She seemed relieved.  What can I say, when I get to drinking I am usually super friendly and touchy feely with people.

What’s funny is that she later validated Mr. Firm and said she hopes to see him again.  He said he’d only briefly even spoken to her and I said it must have been my reference, ha! Everyone else seemed really nice and Mr. Motorcycle never showed up. 
I danced on the pole in the basement for awhile, though it was thicker than a “real” pole so a little harder to do, lol. I was feeling great.

Unfortunately, by around 10 pm I had drunk over a bottle and a half of 10% alcohol wine and was not feeling so hot.  I went into a back room and the security guys helped me change clothes into a bustier and garter and g-string but I suddenly felt too dizzy to get up.  I ended up on the floor of the bathroom feeling sick (though I never threw up or anything) and they carried me to the master bed, where I passed out for like 4 hours.

Mr. Firm said a lot more people came to the party and there were some threesomes and foursomes but he didn’t do that this time.  He did say he played some but didn’t specify with who.  He says he had fun and that he had gone back and seen me out cold once on the bed.  When I woke up he was gone and when I tried to text he was already asleep. (He said no one had come back to his hotel). 

I was still dizzy but had gotten up and walked through the house to see who was still around.  There were a few couples and single women lingering, as well as the security guys, but it was 2 am.  I lay down on the bed and an older man who had been checking on me from time to time came in.  He saw I was feeling better and said he wanted to make me enjoy myself.  He pulled aside my panties and started licking.  Holy hell, he was good with his tongue! 

He started fingering me and it was feeling really good but I was still dizzy.  He stopped and said that was just a preview of what would come later, winked and walked out of the room.  5 seconds later, in walks two of the security dudes.  They saw me lying there looking better and obviously a little bit horny.  One guy said he thought I was the hottest woman there and he’d been waiting for this all night.  They had been coming in to check on me and giving me drinks of ice water and making sure I was okay from time to time because Mr. Host had asked them too. 

Earlier in the night these guys had joked with me that they come as a “packaged deal”.  Well, yeah.  They are cousins and I fucked the one and gave the other a blow job, at the same time.  I was still dizzy so ended up being on my side for a bit, but the one guy I blew came all over my chest and the other one finished up in the condom he was wearing.  He was like “damn that pussy is good, I’m definitely going to come here and see you again”.  Then they left.

Damn…this is just the beginning but I have to get off the library computer.  They close in 5 min.  To be continued…..

 

 

 

The “trophy” swinger….

3d-winner-gold-trophy-hands-23290721

Last night I went out to dinner with a guy I have met a few times at parties.  He was visiting a couple here in town and invited me out with them.  He promised no sex, which was fine, since I’d just had some earlier in the day with my Fuck Buddy. 😉

Anyhow, I am not sure about this guy.  He seems really nice but maybe not my type.  He’s decent enough looking, though a little chubbier than I usually go for.  He also has a “country” way about him that is typical of this region but no so much of black men, lol.  It’s interesting.

So he invited me out to eat and I was cool with that.  He paid for me and the couple took care of their own bill.  We had a couple of drinks and laughed and talked.  I felt like she may have been uncomfortable with my presence in the beginning but I tried to make her feel at ease.  It was a little weird coming to dinner with them knowing they had been fucking earlier in the day and he’d just decided to bring me along.

The male half of the couple was very quiet and I could barely get him to look my direction.  He wasn’t particularly attractive and maybe he was just shy or felt I was out of his league.  I’m not sure, he could have just been uninterested, but then so was I.  He really only spoke briefly about football to the guy I was with and at one point I saw him show him a couple pictures he had taken earlier with his cell phone of his wife sucking the guy’s dick.

The wife seemed to warm up and was friendly but I’m not sure how much of it was real and how much was that fake thing that females sometimes do.  She said something about how we should get together sometime so I asked for her number and sent a text at dinner but she didn’t respond.  I was unsure how he presented my visit to them, so that part was a little awkward. 

He invited me to come over and hang at their house and watch the football game today but I politely declined.  He said it wouldn’t involve playing unless maybe he and I wanted to and I said that might be a little uncomfortable at their house. He laughed and said yeah.  So I thought it was probably best to avoid going over there. It was actually the first time he has been to visit this couple and I didn’t want to rain on their parade too much.

Anyhow, he is having a house party in a couple of weeks.  He had mentioned it before and maybe sent me an email but it went in one ear and out the other.  Maybe because I’d gotten another email around that time inviting me to a “bareback orgy party” and that was shocking enough that I didn’t think about the rest, haha!  Who does that???  That is probably a little too risky even for me! It involved things like naked twister and spin the bottle and “no condoms allowed”.  Whew….

His party was private and he showed me the guest list on his phone.  I saw that Mr. Firm was signed up and also Mr. Motorcycle and both had confirmed they are coming. I said I knew Mr. Firm and he said he had met him and he is a really cool guy.  When I saw him before I had been with Mr. Motorcycle and he asked if things were okay there and I said not so much.  He later asked more about that situation and promised if I come he will make sure things are secure and he doesn’t cause drama.

When I told the guy I wasn’t sure if I will be able to make it or not due to gas money and stuff he said that would be no problem, he will send me money to cover that.  He wasn’t the least perturbed when I told him last time it cost me $60 in gas to go that way either. He also said I could stay at his place. I’m assuming I wouldn’t have to pay the cover charge either.

I later texted Mr. Firm about it. He definitely plans on going.  I told him Mr. Motorcycle was signed up and he knows the deal with that too.  He didn’t comment on that but said “If you decide to go, I will be sure to dance with you and probably fuck, lol.  But wouldn’t try to be all over you so you couldn’t meet or hook up with someone else.  I would also introduce you to others I know or meet”.  I said I would try and do the same.  See, I told you he is awesome!! 🙂 

So today the party host contacts me again and asks me some more questions about Mr. Motorcycle and why we are no longer talking.  I explained a few things like the couple’s profile he opened without my permission and that I felt he wanted more of a relationship than I wanted to give.  I said I felt kind of like I was being used as bait to get other women.

I tell him all this then guess what he proposes to me??  He says he wants me to be his “trophy” and help him host his parties.  Apparently the woman he had the couples profile with and who I have seen him with before wanted more of a relationship than he did and he just wanted the profile to have parties with.  Suddenly he sees me as someone who would not be this way and thinks I would make a great partner to help him in his endeavor.  I guess eventually he plans to make money off of all this and open an actual club but for now wants to party in his house.

I’m a little confused about what all this would entail but he has mainly told me that I would just smile and be friendly to people and look cute.  He says he loves my smile and thinks I would attract a lot of people to his parties.  Really?  After I’d just told him I felt “used” as bait by someone??  Haha.  I find it more amusing than offensive though.

What men often don’t seem to get, and what I feel, is that women are not always jumping at the bit when guys use me to lure them in.  I think some of them actually feel threatened by me.  I’m a single, unattached woman and I’m not always feeling the love from them until I make a point of letting them know I’m not in it for the competition aspect. 

The thing I’m not sure on is if he is trying to get me to have a couples profile with him.  I told him maybe we should wait until I’ve at least gone to a party or two before I commit to anything like that but he still seems to be wanting something.  He said he and I wouldn’t even necessarily have to play together.  What??  Does that mean he doesn’t want to?  So odd… He is wanting to call me and talk about it in a few minutes here when I leave the library. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Playing with the Pilot

masquerade

I’m still flying high with the pilot. So far he is awesome and a half!! Last night we attended a masquerade swinger party in the city near where he lives and had a blast!  That and I think we had sex with each other at least 7-8 times.

He wanted me to come up for the party so he offered to pay my gas and get a hotel that would be convenient for me and make it less of a drive.  That makes it sooo much easier for my broke ass, lol, so I was very thankful.  Plus he got us a very nice room at the Hampton with a king size bed that we made very good use of. 😉

The party we were attending had a masquerade theme and you were supposed to wear black.  Black shirts for the men, and either a black dress or lingerie for the women, plus a Venetian mask.  I decided to go with lingerie.  I sent a pic of myself in thisbodystocking to the Pilot earlier in the week and he asked if that was what I was going to wear.  I was like I can, should I?  And he said “Absolutely!!”  So we decided to go all out.  I wore that with little star shaped pasties to cover my nipples and a pair of panties that is basically just a red satiny triangle with black ribbon, making it into a g-string, underneath.  Topped it off with sparkly gold nail polish and black high heel, wedged platforms with a peekaboo toe and a bow at the bottom.  Oh and my mask…. mask

I was very pleased with how things were going prior to the party.  The Pilot says he has never taken a woman with him to a swinger party before but he was the one that brought up a discussion about our boundaries beforehand.  We decided that it would be fine to play with whoever either one of us was attracted to AT the party, and that we didn’t necessarily have to both play but that we would leave together no matter what.  If we played with anyone after the party it would have to be on mutual interest and agreement.

Just having that all decided in advance made me feel a lot more secure and ready for whatever might happen.  I really like that about the Pilot.  He is a planner in other ways too and always lets me know what the deal is with things like the hotel or meeting times enough ahead of time that I have plenty of chance to fit everything into my schedule and not stress.  As a generally really busy, single mom, anything that lets me relax a bit is a bonus.

He was really sweet about letting me know that he is in no rush for anything and if I am late or take a long time to get ready or whatever it is okay.  He has four kids of his own so I think he gets it and says rushing is never fun.  He got the hotel where I would only have to drive a little over 2 hours instead of 3 and would be able to shower and get freshened up and everything too after my trip, which I totally appreciated!

By the time I had dropped my children off with my ex, packed, grabbed a bite to eat and driven up to the hotel, it was after 9 pm.  He planned things out so he arrived right about the same time as me (his drive was like 45 min).  He hugged and kissed me and told me I looked great, even though the air conditioning in my van isn’t working and I was feeling a hot mess.

 HE looked especially hot, in a long sleeved black dress shirt and his head shaved.  He really is a good looking guy, like one you can’t help but steal glances at from time to time and be like “damn”, lol.  He’d asked me to pick up a mask for him when I was at the party store, which was no problem since it was like 99 cents for his, lol.  I’d sent pics of a few and he picked a basic black eye mask.  It looked good on him too. 😉

After checking into the hotel and into our room, we made out just a little bit before I was like I really need to start getting ready, lol.  He was like God, I want to fuck you now but go ahead, don’t worry about rushing and I will go fill the car up with gas and be back in a bit.  So I went ahead and took a shower.  The shower had a see through glass door and I was tempted to leave the door open a crack and tempt HIM to come in there but I didn’t because I knew it would make us really late, haha.  When he came back I could hear him out there cracking up laughing at some TV show, it was kinda cute.

So I got all dolled up and he was liking the outfit.  I put on a black tank top and short jean skirt over it to wear as we walked from the parking lot to the club.  He’d told me it’s in kind of a bad neighborhood, though the club itself is nice, and I didn’t want to be walking on the street like that, lol.

I’d seen the guest list on the swinger site prior so had some idea of what to expect.  This party, unlike the ones I’ve been to here, was a nice racial mix. There were probably an equal amount of black and interracial couples plus a handful of white couples and one or two Latino couples.  There were quite a few singles signed up ahead of time and it was full to the allotment of single males (I think 15).  This club also plays better music, hip hop and rnb, which I find easier to dance to.  Most everyone was in their 30’s-40’s with a couple of older couples.

The Pilot and I had discussed some beforehand about what we are each attracted to and basically decided that he likes women like me and I like guys like him (duh, lmao).  The idea was that we weren’t going to try and push each other into anything or take any for the team and would go for whoever we felt like fucking.  He’d also let me know that he wanted to fuck me in front of people while we were there because he gets off on it.  I was all for that one, since I’m a bit of an exhibitionist myself. 😉  I guess he pretty regularly fucks SOMEONE when he goes to this party too, which is held once a month and he says is his favorite.

As we were in the parking lot some women walked by and the Pilot was like uh-oh, I didn’t know that this one woman was going to be here.  She apparently has it bad for him and he says he doesn’t really feel the same though they have fucked twice, once at least at a party.  He says she just got divorced and has been asking him stuff like how he would feel about being a couple in the Lifestyle.  I asked if me being there was going to cause drama and he said no, but that he’d admitted to her that he was kind of looking to slow down with the swinger stuff but that he wasn’t meaning with HER. 

She was with a woman who had emailed me earlier and who later brought up the Professor!  I’d never met this woman before and she was quite heavy, so not the Prof’s type at all but apparently he had been talking to her about ME?  They didn’t even know each other because she didn’t remember his first name but said that he’d told her we weren’t talking now and that we’d gone to parties together in the past.  I was standing at the bar getting a drink later on when this woman approached me and said that they had been emailing and he was telling her that he thought I must be coming to the party with someone and probably wouldn’t be there alone.  Hmmm….

Wonder why he is digging for information from complete strangers??  He must have seen on my profile that I was attending.  I have noticed him looking at it a couple of times lately but you have to hit a button that redirects you to another page to see what events a person has signed up for.  Not sure why he cares what I am up to if he’s not interested in me himself.   WTF?  There was a guy I used to see a long time ago that would cockblock me at clubs, long after we broke up, and it reminds me a bit of that.  He’d wait till I went to the restroom or something and go tell the guy I had a boyfriend and cause trouble for me that way.  Men are nuts sometimes with their territorialism.

Anyhow, back to the Pilot.  On the way up the steps he is like oh, by the way, I don’t generally mess with other black men’s women unless they make it pretty clear that’s what they want.  Something about how the guys there kind of do that out of respect and that the white guys who go to the party are usually ones looking for BBC for their wives.  I didn’t give it a lot of thought at the time but afterwards I did notice that though there were quite a few black men there, they mostly treated me like they would if I’d shown up with the Pilot as my regular boyfriend and we weren’t at a swinger party, i.e., they were polite and friendly but did not hit on me at all other than one man where he and the Pilot were talking with me and his wife all together, and the host couple that the Pilot knows and has said the guy wants him to play with his wife sometime and he wanted to introduce me. Oh, and one guy when I was sitting alone for a minute. The white guys actually hit on me more, which is kind of backwards from how it usually is, but whatever, haha.

Anyhow, he paid for us to get in and unlimited drinks, which was $40 for him and $25 for me.  The bartender was this totally gorgeous black woman that I liked immediately and asked if she would hold my clothes after I stripped down to lingerie.  She was a sweetheart but according to the Pilot he doesn’t think she is a swinger.  I think he was lamenting that one, ha!

Most everyone had on masks and quite a few women were in lingerie, though mine might have been a little more risqué than most, lol.  I got lots of positive comments on it though. 😉  Like I said, I’m a bit of a show-off that way when I can get away with it.

This party had an interesting set up, that included several rooms, most of which had several black leather couches in them.  A couple rooms also had a disco ball and a stripper pole in the middle on a platform.  One had a massage table and there was a glory hole through one door.  Kind of a largish “glory hole” though.  It was almost the size of my head, haha. In the hallway, near the area that was being used as a bar, there were some trays of appetizers.

After showing me around a bit and sitting on a couch drinking and talking to a few people, the Pilot and I went in one of the rooms with a pole. He pulled me up to start dancing with him, even though no one else was yet.  We were having fun, he is a good dancer, and soon there were a few other couples on the floor too. 

A couple of drinks later I decided to get on the pole and try out some of the new tricks I’ve learned in my class. 😉  It was fun and we got to where he was dancing with me, like grinding on me and stuff. People were clapping for us and shortly after that they announced a pole dance contest but I was done and didn’t join, lol.  The girl who won was a (topless) black girl that knew how to hang upside down and do all kinda stuff on there that I’m not quite up to yet anyway, ha! It was cool though and they gave out a bunch of other prizes, I’m not sure all what for.  The Pilot won some His and Hers KY jelly, but I have no idea why and he was like “we won’t be needing this, haha” (I’m pretty much always wet and willing, lol). 

After all that he asked me if I wanted to suck his dick through the glory hole.  I said sure so he went into one room and I was on the other side.  He peeked through first and bent down to give me a kiss, so I knew for sure it was him, lmao.  I didn’t realize it, but while I was giving him his blow job an audience had accumulated.  He came down for another kiss and asked if I’d noticed all the people behind me?  Haha. 

Then he was like “turn around and back your ass up to the hole so I can fuck you”. So I did and he pulled my panties aside and we were fucking through the hole.  There were a handful of people watching and one woman said “I have never seen a glory hole used like THAT before”.  LMAO.  It was pretty hot.  When we were done people were actually CLAPPING, LMFAO.  He said that on the other side that one girl that likes him had come up behind him and was kind of “helping” him fuck me.  He thought she might have wanted to fuck him too and I said that would have been fine but he said he didn’t want to.

He came over to my side and some of the older, white guys that had been watching wanted him to let their wives give him a blow job.  They were concerned that it might not be okay with me but I said it was fine and the Pilot obligingly unzipped his pants.  One of the husbands called the Pilot the Jolly Green Giant, and it was kind of like, WTF, but the Pilot was good natured about it. They invited me to come sit between the two women, who seemed super concerned that I might be bothered, but I wasn’t.  At some point I joined in with the blow job but just for a little bit.  When one of the husbands started hinting that he wanted the Pilot to fuck his wife, he pulled me up and kind of blew the guy off.  He said he doesn’t like it when guys get pushy like that and it’s clearly the guy wanting him to do stuff more so than the woman being interested.

We ended up going back into one of the pole rooms where a few couples were making out.  He had me suck his cock a little more then climb up on his lap, facing him on the couch, and ride him.  He later said he had a good view of the couple behind us fucking while we were doing our thing.  I just noticed a woman watching from the doorway and occasional people stopping by, lol.  We danced a little more and he pulled my panties aside and started licking me while I was backed up against the pole in the middle of the room. 

He never came at the party, but did at least 5 times after we got back to the hotel, maybe 6, when it was just the two of us.  😉  On our way out we stopped to talk to people and the woman that likes him and the bigger woman were there and she was obviously wanting to talk to him. When we got back to the car, where we had left our phones, he showed me that she had texted him “I want to suck your dick” while we were in there.  Oops.  She again texted him around 3 am, while he and I were busy fucking and he didn’t see it until late the next morning.  I kinda felt bad for the girl. 

There seem to be a couple of women like that who are into him and he’s not seeming that interested.  Some others had wanted him to go to some mud tournament deal they had going on today too but he was at the hotel with me.  I probably need to watch out that I never become “that girl”. :p  For now though, he seems pretty into me and even wants to drive all the way here again soon.  Still trying to keep things at FWB level for now and so far so good on my end.  I can see why women like him though!

The only little red flag that has popped up is that he has told me he was divorced 4 years ago and at first was saying he’d been in the Lifestyle about 4 years.  Then he brought up something that made it sound like it had been a lot longer so I asked again how long ago he got into swinging and he says he first did it about 10 years ago but stopped when he was deployed.  Well, he also mentioned before that his ex- wife wasn’t into swinging at all or anything like that, so presumably it was done behind her back.  Hmmm… Not that I’m an example of a shining beacon of faithfulness or anything, I did have an affair myself.

Back at the hotel we fucked and fucked, lol.  It was very good and we’d finish and I’d think he wanted to sleep but then he’d want to fuck again.  We finally fell asleep sometime after 4. He woke me up the same way he did last time, sticking his dick in me from behind, at around 7 am.  After a couple rounds I got a shower and we went down to enjoy the hotel breakfast.

Then back to the room for more sex.  And more.  I was amazed at how much he came after that much fucking, lmao.  I was a little worried once that he may have cum inside me because we weren’t using a condom and he acted similarly to how he does when he’s about to cum then stopped for a little bit and started kissing me while he was still inside. IDK, but I think I’m past the fertile time of the month anyway so not too concerned.  Years of natural family planning has me still paying attention to that.

Toward the end a maid actually came and knocked on the door while we were in the middle of it all and he was like “um, could you come back later?”  We were surprised she couldn’t hear what we were up to as I was not being especially quiet.  He’d been teasing me before that if I kept saying “oh my God” people were gonna think we were in there having church! 😉

So anyhow we got back at it and he pulls me over the side of the bed and was doing me from behind with my hands pinned down under his and I came really hard, then he just kept going because HE was about to cum, so I got kind of extra loud that time.  We stop, he came all over my back, then goes to get a towel to wipe it up and after a pause we hear the vacuum start in the room next door.  LMAO.  It was pretty clear the maids had been listening that time, because they waited until AFTER we are done with all that noise to turn on the vacuum cleaner.  We were cracking up.

He was even like “now you have material for your blog”.  He knows I write one and I’ve mentioned it has some erotic content but not elaborated.  I think he’s thinking I write erotic stories.  Haha… He’s brought it up before and I think enjoys the idea of being blog fodder.  If only he knew…;)

Of Lies and Men

pinocchiodick

If I can get Mr. Pilot to stop texting me long enough to write this post, I’ll update you all a little more, lol.  So far so good.  I’m really liking his personality and he seems very into me thus far. Surely we can get along in bed, right?  It would be a shame if we didn’t.

In any case we seem to have a lot in common and despite the wait before meeting in person, we’ve been having fun.  I wonder if maybe that isn’t a good thing, that we aren’t jumping into bed right away.  Like, maybe it will make him more interested in a relationship than just sex.  I do kinda prefer having that with SOMEONE.

I really do want an OPEN relationship, or at least to give it a try.  The Professor and I clearly weren’t on the same page with that.  Actually, the more I think about things with him,  more sketchy memories come to mind about his behavior and the more I am convinced he was lying to me about more than just having attended a swinger party without me once. 

There were a couple of occasions where he disappeared and gave some lame reason as to what happened.  His behavior was shady, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.  You’d think I’d stop doing that by now, having experienced enough men that lied to me about things in my life.  It’s a wonder I’d ever believe a word out of any of them!

Oh man, could I tell you all stories.   Stories of the lies and how ridiculously unfathomable some of them have been.  Sometimes men just have me shaking my head.  But anyway….

Some of the readers of my blog even tried to warn me that his actions seemed emotionally abusive.  Looking back over some of my entries, yeah, I think if they were intentional then it was. I seem to be especially blind to that kind of thing, believing what I want to believe at the time, which is usually the best about people. What stands out even more are the excuses he made and how unrealistic they seem to me now that I’ve taken off the rose colored glasses.

 Like the incident with him leaving a note from the married woman out on his dresser, it happened right after he pulled a disappearing act on his BIRTHDAY for Christ’s sake.  His claims that his “sister” came down seem especially dubious now, knowing he was lying about even simple things post breakup.  He was claiming he hadn’t seen the married woman for 6 months at that time but um, I am pretty damn sure if that note had been there before I’d have seen it.  I didn’t even mention to you all what happened on New Year’s Eve, when he was supposedly over visiting some platonic couple and then disappeared for hours and claimed he wasn’t getting my texts.

I’ve also tied in something interesting and it seems like he was giving me gifts right around the times he’d pull something odd, on several occasions.  Makes you wonder if it wasn’t totally intentional and meant to distract me.  Yeah, my respect and attraction for him, at this point, have plummeted severely.

All this thinking about stuff isn’t because I am still obsessed.  I don’t feel that I am at all anymore.  It’s more of a precaution and thoughts about what went wrong so I can prevent it from happening again in the future.  I feel that I’ve been played. 

He pretended, on one hand, to be interested in relationship stuff with me.  He got jealous and wanted to know when I was with other men.  He gave money and time to me and my children and acted as though he really cared.  Yet now, he seems shockingly unconcerned about us.  NOW it’s “I didn’t want a relationship”.  Okay…well then maybe you should have been more clear in the beginning, when I could have accepted that just fine, like I do with several of the other men I see, ones who don’t lead me on.

I’ve never really understood that kind of sentiment anyway.  If you are having sex, well, as far as I’m concerned, you have a “relationship”, it’s just a matter of degree.  There are all sorts of levels of relationship status, from married and monogamous all the way down to fuck buddy and to me they are equally valid and people can move up and down the ladder.  If someone has proved good enough to continue to have sex with me I think it’s nasty to tell them how they can or cannot feel.  Emotions like that are really beyond our control and I think it’s important to respect someone’s if you are sleeping with them, whether you feel the same way or not.

I keep wondering if the way things ended, maybe it was planned out.  It seems so unreal and just beforehand, before he went up to see her, he was acting weird about not wanting to kiss me while he drove.  He had bought a box of donuts for us as a surprise but yet seemed distant.  All at a time when he knew I’d be vulnerable.  It’s almost as though he ignored me and acted the way he did on purpose, to get me to react so that he could “break up” with me.  I guess I’ll never know.

Sigh….I’m so confused, but enough dwelling on the past.  I need to make the right decisions NOW and pay more attention to shit. Having an “open” relationship with someone dishonest kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? 

Whew, I finally get a rest from texting with the Pilot.  I told him I’m tired and it’s true I will probably do some cleaning up and get to bed soon.  I love all the attention, but man, I need some breaks, haha.  I guess there isn’t any doubt he is into me at this point!

 The Professor used to like to text a lot too but this guy maybe even more so.  Or maybe it’s just that way in the beginning; men do tend to enjoy the chase.  Wonder how long I’ll be the bright shiny object?

Right now he keeps telling me how he thinks I am really cool and we could have an epic thing going on and that he can’t wait to meet me.  He is envisioning us going to parties together in the future and even got me to sign up for one that he is planning on attending.  Actually, he offered to come get me and drive me there with him if I want.  That would be 3 hours out of his way!  Crazy!! Actually 6, assuming he’d take me back!

I admit I’m kinda excited about this party though.  It is in a bigger city and is at a hip hop/rnb club and it looks like there are a lot of interracial couples signed up.  Since he tends to go for white women and I tend to lean towards black men, that kinda works better than out here in the sticks, ;).  Also, they have a massage room and a glory hole?  Haha…I’m always curious to try these new places and check them out.

He went to a comedy club tonight with some friends and was telling me he gets free tickets there like once a month, almost as though he were hinting.  He offered to teach me Salsa dancing. He keeps telling me he likes ALL of me and not just my sexy body but also that he wants to fuck me bad.  Huh…seems like I’ve heard that somewhere before, lol, but hey….

I don’t know but if he even halfway lives up to the image he’s putting out there it would be good.  I did notice a little slipup he made in text today though.  He mentioned his 9 inch cock.  Yesterday, it was 8 ½…. It’s growing, like Pinocchio.

 

 

 

 

 

Ken and Barbie go to a party….

gijoe

This weekend the Professor and I went to another swinger party. It was held in a strip club that had been privately reserved, had much better music and a full service bar. These particular parties are known by local swingers as the “Ken and Barbie” parties. You have to pass the attractiveness test by sending the hosts a photo and they are more expensive than the others. A lot of people come in from out of town. I was surprised that so many were from so far away. We’ve decided it must be due to the anonymity factor of being out of their hometowns.

Anyhow, we attended the Valentines party and the atmosphere was great. Strip poles everywhere, halfway open booths where people were later getting busy, a sex swing room with mirrors, black light with little colored lights bouncing around, pulsating music, XXX movies playing in the background and lots of great looking people aged 25-50 or so. The huge (pardon my pun) difference was that there were hardly ANY overweight folks at all, a stark contrast to some of the other parties we’ve been to.

Maybe it was the black lights that made them stand out so much but there did seem to be a preponderance of bleach blonde women with long, Barbie like hair, lol. Some of them were wearing lingerie, some in casual date wear and others were dressed to the nines in little black dresses and diamond necklaces. One tall brunette was in a tutu. Others were topless or even naked and dancing around the stripper poles when we came in. Me, I was wearing a red, velvety, sleeveless, backless top with a ruffle that wrapped around the neck and down the front of the shirt on both sides, skintight black leggings, knee- high, black, leather, boots, big fake diamond earrings and a chunky gold bracelet. My hair was down, long and flowing. Underneath was a strapless black bra and red and black lace panties with a little fake diamond heart on the side. The Professor was dressed similarly to most of the men there, in nice dress slacks and a button down (yeah they have it easy, lol). One guy was wearing this sleeveless Chip’ n Dale style tuxedo top, but I’m pretty sure he was the only one, haha.

Compared to the other parties we’ve been to, this was definitely the hip spot to be and it was right here in town. Single men aren’t allowed so the Professor had never been with this particular group either, though he knew a few people there. The first couple we ran into was a woman he’d had sex with previously. She was actually really nice and they emailed later inviting us to meet with them together. I’m unsure, because, while her husband was nice enough, I’m not sure he’s really a person I’d want to sleep with.

Sometimes I think for me to swing I really would have to drop my standards quite a bit just for the experience. Even at the very first party where we had sex with a couple other couples I can’t say I was super into the men, they just were “okay” and not UN-attractive or gross or anything. I’ve told the Professor I’m okay with that sometimes but he’s said I don’t have to do anything I don’t really want to and he won’t push.

In any case we ran into a couple that we had met before at a previous party (one I didn’t write about). At that party, the Professor had been into the woman but I just couldn’t go there with the man. He was not attractive to me at all and when I danced with him he spent the whole time talking about his wife and how beautiful he thought she was and how hard it was for him to share her. All I could think was “poor guy” and wasn’t really attracted. After all, he wasn’t doing anything to indicate a real interest in ME other than telling me how great it was to get to dance with another woman. I wasn’t all that excited about hearing him ramble on about HER, even if it was sweet that he felt that way about his wife.

They were new at swinging at the time and that was about 4 months ago. Well, lo and behold they had found another “perfect” couple to swap with and were clearly deep in the throes of NRE (New Relationship Energy, for those who aren’t aware of the term- basically it is the infatuation people tend to feel at the beginning that eventually fades off). In fact, I almost didn’t recognize the man because he was with a pretty new blonde and by the way they were acting you’d think THEY were the husband and wife, same with his wife and the other man. Cute. He looked different too, like more attractive (though still not my type). I guess you could say they were “glowing”. His wife and her new beau were the same way. Previously I hadn’t been able to get why the Professor found her appealing at all but now it made a little more sense.

According to them they’d spent the night before swapping in their own home while their six children were sleeping. Yikes.. They said they had to get up and switch early in the morning so no kids would find them in the wrong bed. A little too close for comfort for me I guess. I’ve never even brought a man over for sex when my children were in the home other than when my daughter was under two years old and fast asleep.
Anyhow the Professor really seemed to like the new blonde as well. I can’t say I blame him, she was pretty and fun. She also made sure to mention to me when he wasn’t within earshot that they were not looking to play with anyone other than each other that night and were just hanging out to socialize. So I knew, even if the Professor didn’t, that wasn’t a real possibility.

Also, out of his earshot, the guy says to me that he really thinks the Professor and I should have a couples profile on the swinger website since we are there so often together. He was telling me this as though it was my responsibility to do so, which I found a bit annoying. I mean, for me to insist on that would make me look like I am pushing a type of relationship that the Professor may not even want, upon him. Ugh. I mean, I don’t even know what to do about Valentine’s Day tomorrow at this point. We are not a “couple” technically, though he is the main guy I see. I’m totally waiting it out. I feel like any displays of “relationship” behavior need to start with him.

Eventually during the night I did end up making out with her, at the Professors encouragement. He was behind me and touching and fingering the both of us as we kissed and touched each other. It was fun until, out of the blue, she pinched my nipple really hard. Ouch!! WTF? I laughed it off but yeah, I didn’t like that at all. I have really sensitive nipples and am not into anything rough with them. I think she thought it was fun or sexy but totally not my thing!

Probably the most interesting couple we ran into that night though was a woman who is only a couple of years younger than me but has known the Professor since she was in the 8th grade. He didn’t coach her team because she played another sport but she has known him half her life as a coach and also attended the college he works at now. I’m sure running into him at her first swinger party was interesting to say the least! I asked her, when the guys stepped away to go to the bar, if she was in shock and she was like “OMG!!! YES!!! HAHAHA!!!”

She and I hit it off pretty well and she kept saying to him “Oh MY GOD, I just love her!!! She looks so innocent!!” (Yeah, yeah) I was like “don’t worry, I’m NOT, haha”. When he stepped away she told me he’s really a great guy. That’s not the first time a woman that has known him in some capacity outside of sex has said that to me about him either. Awwww….

So anyhow the Professor was obviously pretty excited about this all. You could tell he would REALLY like to hook up with her. He was suggesting to me that I should make out with her and at one point we did. Also, her husband was HOT. He had an accent and looked like he might be Russian or something. Green eyes, light brown hair, chiseled model like features and he obviously worked out! Still he was a little more quiet than she was so didn’t get to know him as much.

The only other guy that stood out to me at the party was the DJ, who was the only other black man there besides the Professor and he was pretty dang cute but I never got a chance to talk to him. Not long after we got there the Professor had pulled me aside to mention he’d seen that guy and that I had his “permission” to flirt but he never let me out of his sight or near the guy so it didn’t happen, lol.

Anyhow, back to this girl the Professor already knew. Yeah, he was really interested in her and to be honest, even though I liked and enjoyed being with her too I was a little bit intimidated. She was super cute and very athletic, but tiny. She was barely 5 feet tall though she had on 6 inch heels so that made her seem taller, had big blue eyes, with tiny little features and dark brown hair. She’d obviously never had children.

This woman is a personal trainer as one of her side jobs and has a stripper pole in her living room. She knew all kinds of tricks and was up there on the pole doing acrobatic, hanging upside down shit that I’d never even attempt to try, at least at this point, lol. Actually, I’d never even seen anyone work a stripper pole before in my life. I’d never been in a strip club and have only seen little tidbits, on like, the Jerry Springer show, ha! I rarely even watch tv, let alone stuff like that.

Anyhow, she was trying to get me to come up and dance on the pole with her and I was all oh Hell no, but what can I say, I finally let myself be convinced. She was whispering to me not to worry about it the guys were all hammered anyway and wouldn’t know the difference. SO, in my somewhat vodka and cranberry- induced state I agreed and she promised to help me out so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself, lol. True to her word she was talking quietly to me through her teeth the entire time giving instructions and I think I did okay. 😉 We managed to stay in sync anyway. There was a crowd of people watching and we were right in front of the DJ- damn, I would have liked to have talked to him too! Ah well…

Afterwards she was like “see, you’re a natural!” and I don’t know about all that, but I did have fun. We were playing around and acting sexual with each other and eventually kissed and made out, which of course the Professor loved. He was there holding me then too. At one point she slapped me really hard on the ass though. What the hell is it with these aggressive women? Haha Damn….

So he starts telling her that I am really submissive in bed, which is true and she says she is more of a domme. Whatever, we all have our own preferences but I admit it left me wondering, because he seemed so interested in her, if that isn’t something he would like better.

Actually, I was starting to compare myself in a LOT of ways, which was really hard not to do and not to feel insecure about things he may like better about her than me. It makes me wonder if I’d be able to handle the swapping after all, if we got down to it, because I’d also worry since they’ve known each other a long time that he would fall in love with her or vice versa. I’m trying to get past that though. I know it’s not good to compare myself it’s just hard sometimes. Help! 😦

He exchanged numbers with her husband and I was worried that maybe he was gonna try to hook up with them on his own sometime but he’s since said stuff that lets me know he would at least want to include me. I guess that doesn’t mean he always would but it’s a start. He commented that the guy was decent looking and it’s true that that is rarely the case!

We didn’t hook up with anyone that night other than each other, but there are a couple possibilities for the future. We also went home to his place and had really hot sex with each other, after watching some other couples at the club. So all in all it wasn’t a bad experience at all and we had a good time and met some fun people. Looking forward to more adventures soon! 😉

kenandbarbie

Flashback: My First Swinger Party

swingers

I was just realizing I haven’t told the story of my FIRST swinger party on my blog and that some of you all might like to read about it. 🙂 I get quite a bit of traffic from people doing google searches about swinger parties so I gather there are a lot of folks out there who are interested in hearing about personal experiences before they ever give it a try themselves. So for them, and all of you, I’m reposting something I wrote on a forum that first night (which was like 6 months ago now). Enjoy a little flashback to my first ever entrance into “the Lifestyle”…. 😉

A little backstory for those who don’t know. I met a guy awhile back on Craigslist and he had told me about a site for swingers and swinger parties that he is on. I signed up but didn’t put up a picture or profile and was just looking and checking it out. After he and I had sex he got really into me and didn’t seem as excited about me going to the party but he knew I was curious and wanted to attend one in our area. I had spent the better part of our first date asking him questions about it and then we had sex on this trailhead sign at a local walkway. Slept with him one other time since then but he is clearly head over heels. He has gone over and above trying to do things for me. He’s a really nice guy and decent in bed just am not super into him. I feel bad because he likes me a lot but I’m just not feeling it. :/

Okay so there was an upcoming party in our area that I really wanted to check out. He was already signed up and had told me before that prior to parties he emails with potential prospects that he might play with. He knew I wanted to go even though he didn’t seem as excited about it and suggested I add more to my profile after signing up so people could contact me. So I updated it a bit (still no picture but they can see I am a single female) and put my name on the list where people could click and look at my profile if they were thinking about going. I got a few emails from that but only responded to one guy.

The guy I responded to is a Professor at a local University. He and I went out on a date, followed by some really good sex the night before the party. He offered to accompany me to the party so that I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable and said he would drive me there (it was a little outside of town). I was a little concerned about the other guy’s reaction but he was already going to be there (at a hotel next door, he lives like an hour and a half away) and I tried to diffuse it a bit by telling him I had met someone who offered to drive me and that I would be drinking so it would probably be best. We ended up going together as a couple because the party was already full with the allotted amount of single males (which I think is 10%). The trailhead guy wasn’t too excited and said he thought it would be fine to drive myself but I really didn’t want to show up there alone anyway.

The party started early, but the professor and I decided to show up a few hours later due to my having to pay for a babysitter and because he said things pick up later on anyway. So when we showed up all eyes were on us. Being an interracial couple when there are only 2 other black people (both single males) at the party where there are about 150 people kind of does that, and me being new and all, we attracted some attention. I was wearing a brown and tan zebra print dress that is kind of a cross between a sundress and a wrap around and a bodysuit, lol. (It also has hidden pockets so I was able to slip my cell phone in and leave my purse in the car) Tight enough to show off curves pretty well and my wooden, zebra print, semi- platform heels, which are about 4 inches tall and made me taller than him, lol. He was in a nice dress shirt and slacks.

So when we walk in the door we had to sign some forms and the professor made a donation for us to get in. One of the ladies sitting at the table looked very familiar. I think she used to attend the church where my ex husband was children’s pastor….gulp…lol She kept kind of looking at me throughout the night. I’m sure she was all wtf, the children’s pastor’s wife is here with some black dude at a swinger party….heart attack, lmao! Not to mention that was in a very small, very white, community of about 1,500 people that is 30 minutes away from here and everyone knows his family and his dad is a well known preacher. Ah well….

The layout of the club was a bunch of long tables, one side was the smoking section and the other side was non smoking. In between there was a stripper pole and at the front there was a dance floor. Behind the tables was a table with food and drink but it was bring your own alcohol and the Professor had brought a cooler with our bottles of wine. Off to the side of the smoking section there were two silhouette rooms made with curtains. One room had a Sybian machine and the other had a sex swing. The lighting was set so that you could see the silhouettes of people playing in those rooms. Soon after we walked in the door we could hear a woman screaming loudly above the music on the Sybian. LOL

The people were of varying ages and sizes. There were a lot of unattractive older people as expected but there were also several younger, more attractive people roaming around as well, mostly couples. Some of the people were half naked. A lot of women were topless, but mostly these were older ladies or overweight ones. The more attractive folks for the most part, had clothes on. The professor seemed to know quite a few people and led me around introducing me to them. Shortly after we arrived I saw the trailhead guy waving me over to talk. He was sitting at a table surrounded by fat ladies who seemed interested in him. The professor insisted I let him pour me a drink first and was like “then you can go over and talk to your friend”. So we got situated and drank a little and met a few people first.

First thing he introduced me to a couple of older men and one of them recognized me off of AFF!! He was like “you have a picture of just your ass as your profile on there don’t you?” Um, yes I do, and NO face pics so I don’t know how the hell he knew it was me. It kind of freaked me out and he said something about me having an uncommon name so he recognized it. I was wondering how on earth an old white guy would have had a chance to find out my name on AFF because its not like I respond to very many emails like that, especially sharing my real name. I think I’ve finally figured out that he has to be that sugar daddy guy that I had corresponded with for awhile, but never went through with. He said he remembered me from a couple of years ago. Eeeek! Then an almost naked older lady in a thong came up and was hugging and rubbing on the professor from the back. Soon after an older man that he introduced me to pulled me out on the dance floor and wanted to dance with me old school style, spinning me around and stuff while I was in my heels to a slow song…lmao. The professor danced with his wife.

I briefly made it over to say hi to the trailhead guy and he made some comment about my “date” that made it obvious he wasn’t too happy about it. I flirted for a few then dashed off again because I didn’t want to make the fat ladies too jealous. The professor was leading me around, introducing me to more people and took me into the sybian room to watch a lady on it and then to the sex swing. As soon as I walked into the sex swing room a woman told me to get up on it and try. I was still feeling pretty shy and tried to decline but she insisted and said I didn’t have to do anything but that she would eat my pussy if I liked. I climbed up on it but declined having my pussy ate, lmao. I just wasn’t ready for that yet. She asked another time but I said that’s ok. I sat in the swing and the other people left and the professor started kissing and fingering me and talking to me while I drank some more wine in there. We didn’t stay too long though and went to meet more people.

I finally made it back over to the trailhead guy. The professor offered to accompany me but I said that I would be okay (he already knew about the other guy and that we had sex before and he likes me). So I went over and he was excited to talk to me and told me that some fat, old woman had cornered him in the bathroom and pushed him up against the wall and took off her panties and said how much she loves big, black men and that it had kind of freaked him out and he told her he likes to take time to get to know people first, lol. Anyway, he wanted me to stay and talk and one of the women he was sitting with seemed a little irked so I tried to engage her in conversation too. He told me if I needed I ride home I didn’t need to go with the professor guy but that this girl would drive me. I said I thought I’d be okay. Then he wanted me to sit on his lap, so I did and he was kissing me.

While we were kissing up comes the fat, old lady that had cornered him in the bathroom. She starts rubbing on his head and kissing him from the back. Then she goes on to tell him how pretty she thinks I am and starts trying to kiss ME. I was a little ooked but wanted to be polite so I went along with it, lmao. I pulled away quick though and he managed to deflect her for a bit and she went to kiss the girl that he had offered to have drive me. Whew! I decided it would be a good time to head back to the professor. I had already seen him looking at me a few times from across the room and I was on my 3rd plastic cup of wine, which meant I’d actually drank the entire bottle and was a little tipsy. Okay, a lot tipsy. I accidentally knocked over a chair on my way back and the professor saw me and rushed over because I was having trouble standing it up again. I was actually starting to feel naseous due to drinking a little too much a little too fast so he took me outside for a bit and had me sit down and drink lots of ice water, kissing me and talking to me until I was feeling better enough to go back in.

When we went back in I signed a paper so I could try out the Sybian machine. We went in the room and it was just me and the professor and the fat, old guy running the Sybian. It cost 10 dollars so the professor paid for it and lifted my dress and started slipping off my panties from the back so I could get on the machine. The old guy was standing right behind me and they were talking about my ass, ha. He started hinting that he would like my panties as a tip so the professor asked if that would be okay and I let him give them to the guy. He said that was the best tip of the night. Anyhow I got on the Sybian but the first attachment was hurting me so I had to get off and they put on a smaller one. Maybe because I’d had a little too much to drink or just because I am sensitive even the smaller one was kind of intense. The guy said he only had it up less than halfway and I came pretty quickly and was ready to get off after that first time. He said I could come back any time for the rest of the night for free but I didn’t go back.

We talked to more people and at one point made out for a few in a bathroom but no sex in there or anything. A couple of different guys tried to feel up my dress or grab my butt when we were talking to them. The professor asked if I wanted to leave and go back to his place and I agreed and we were getting ready to leave and I had to make another bathroom run. While I was in there I heard a guy outside the door talking to the professor and he was saying “wow, she is drunk you could get her to do almost anything you wanted to right now” and the professor laughed. To me it sounded like he was just being polite but the trailhead guy was nearby and heard them talking and got pretty upset. He was having some kind of discussion with the professor when I came out and he pulled me off to the side and said be careful, I don’t like what I heard those guys saying about you and you are drunk and shouldn’t go home with him. I will have this woman give you a ride. I said I will be okay and he insisted that only if I text him and call and let him know I am home safely. I said okay and the professor came and took me by the arm out the door.

As we were heading out to his car we stopped to talk to some couples that said they were going to one of their houses and the professor asked if we could come along. He told them it was my first party and he thought I might like to see what it was all about and they readily agreed. I texted my babysitter to say we would be out longer and we went to their house. There were two other couples and we sat in the living room and talked for a bit. One couple was a pretty 40 year old nurse and her 35 yr old husband. She is a redhead that dies her hair more of a strawberry blonde and I later saw she had a clit piercing and fake boobs. Her husband (or maybe he was just a live in boyfriend, but something like that) was a more reserved guy with glasses but decently attractive. He looked like your typical IT dude. The other couple was an outgoing, muscular guy with tatoos that I think said he was 37-38 and his 25 yr old, petite, blonde wife. She was more shy seeming and he later said she had never had sex with anyone besides him until they started swinging 8 months ago and until recently they were just doing “soft” swaps with other women and no actual sex. She did end up having sex with the other husband there, but not the professor.

Anyway, we talked for a few and then they were like lets get naked so we all went back to the couple’s bedroom/playroom. The other women got undressed first and started making out and the professor starts sliding my clothes off from behind and takes me over to them and so the three of us females were making out and then the guys started joining in. At first I was making out with both women and went down on the blonde girl and the nurse’s husband started going down on me. I can’t tell you what everyone else was doing at that point because I don’t know but when I looked up the professor was doing the blonde nurse lady from the back and the other lady’s husband was rubbing on my boobs while the nurse was giving him a blowjob and I started giving one to the nurse’s husband.

I really can’t remember everything but at some point the professor called me over to him and the nurse and asked me to taste her so I did and she and I were like in a 69 and he started doing me from behind. Later on I was bent over the bed with the tatooed guy and I could see in the mirror across the room that his wife was kissing him. There was lots more of pretty much everyone doing everyone, lol. Tatooed guy tried to slip it in my ass once but I pulled away and didn’t do him after that. I’m just not really into anal, especially with a stranger but there was still touching and stuff. He kept telling the professor what I nice ass I have and he would agree.

At one point the nurse pulled out her strap on and wanted to do me with it so everyone stopped to watch. Then she wanted me to ride her on it so I did and then the other woman wanted a ride. It ended up with all the couples on the bed and the professor fucking me missionary style and he kept making me cum over and over, long after everyone else was finished. The tatoo guy just came and sat by our heads and started jacking off and kept saying “God that’s so hot” over and over again, lmao. The nurse lady was amazed that Mr. Professor was still hard after all that time (he still hadn’t cum). He kept telling me later that he needs to make it up to me with some better one on one sex later. It was pretty good though!! Haha….

Afterwards we all talked for a little bit and the nurse gave people some pickles she’d been canning all day but the professor and I had to get going. The nurse’s husband said he felt a little used with us just being like “nice fuck everyone” and then leaving, lmao, but I think he was joking. We went back home and the prof paid for the couple extra hours of babysitting I needed. He’s been texting me today to see how I liked it and how I am doing. Meanwhile I had sex with my fuck buddy/military dude which was hot. Anyhow, I think that’s pretty much the gist of it all. Enjoy.

Big black men… is it true?

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First of all, beware that this is a racially charged topic. I think it’s important to realize that ALL people, whether we are black, white, or whatever hold some stereotypes in our minds and sometimes there is a grain of truth behind them but that DOESN’T mean we can make blanket assumptions about EVERY person that belongs to that group. You just can’t, because even if a stereotype holds somewhat true there are always exceptions to the rule. I also hope we can discuss this like mature adults without insults towards any group of people. With that said, come on, let’s drop the worries about being politically correct too. If we can’t be open and discuss varying experiences then it actually BREEDS racism because being afraid to TALK about things from different viewpoints is what keeps folks in the dark and leaves them to their wild imaginations, reinforcing negative ideas, fear, and hatred of others.

Also, realize that although I am white myself I grew up in a home where I was the only all white kid and I am used to what might sometimes seem like wildly inappropriate jokes about “white people” and “black people”, lol. So forgive me if sometimes I seem like I’m doing the very thing I am preaching against! Haha… I’m not really a racist at all and in fact it is one of my pet peeves although some of the stuff I say in this blog might come across as otherwise to people who don’t understand where I am coming from.

Okay, done with the lecture, let’s get to the real topic at hand and the question everyone everywhere has been dying to know and hear about from a female who has had the opportunity to make some assessments, lol. 😉

DO BLACK MEN REALLY HAVE BIGGER DICKS???

The other day, at the last swinger party I attended with the Professor, we were standing in a room watching some people have sex when a typical country- boy white guy walked into the room and made a typically clueless statement and assumption about the Professor and the only other black man there. He was like “you guys are lucky because you have the big dicks” and started going on about how unfair it was that black men always have huge cocks. Of course this was said without having ever SEEN either of these men naked. How would he know that either one of them was sporting a huge package? He didn’t! But he thought he did because of all the “rumors” that this is true and due to who knows how much porn he has seen where black men with large penises are fetishized.

Now besides porn, there is the added practice in the swinger community of bringing black men in to have sex with white couples in a fantasy/fetish way that honestly creeps me the fuck out because it comes across as flat out racist. They call the guys “bulls” and “studs” and even have these parties that I have heard referred to as “mandingo” parties where they bring in black men to have sex with guys wives in order to feed into cuckhold fantasies and fetishes. Now, I’m not one to judge people for their fantasies, I just find it disturbing because the focus seems to be on the skin color of the participants and because of the attitudes of some of these white couples that any random black guy with a big cock will do.

It bothers me very much when I think of these men being objectified like that. However, they obviously don’t mind or they wouldn’t be doing it! And of course they get lots of sex out of the deal and what man doesn’t like that? So it is easy to see why the practice continues and not too many people are complaining. I mean, this is an activity where consenting adults are agreeing to do something so that is really their business. I once recently even saw a swinger party advertised as a “BBC Party” in a nearby city, and it was taking place in a predominately black area. Having a big, black, cock is definitely sort of a “novelty” thing for some.

I have had the opportunity to talk to a few guys who have been involved in this sort of exchange and it is interesting to say the least. Sometimes they seem to get off on the idea too, of course, though some guys, like the Professor, seem to find it odd as well and feel a little uncomfortable with it but go right ahead and fuck the women anyway. He has said he’s not really into the gangbang thing however.

I’ve known a few different black men that have told me white couples have actually PAID them to fuck the wife. One guy told me a man paid him to have sex with his fiancé while he watched and another guy mentioned having sex with a woman that he wasn’t very attracted to simply because her husband gave him $500 dollars. He said it wasn’t that bad and she wasn’t bad in bed even though she was kinda fat and ugly. Nice. I can see how this would be appealing to a lot of black men, especially those who aren’t doing well financially. I guess it’s sort of like women who have a sugar daddy, sometimes. These couples are taking them out on their boats and on vacations and giving them all kinds of privileges just to have sex with the wife. Again, they are doing this of their own choosing but it still seems exploitative.

So anyway, back to the question at hand. Do black guys REALLY have bigger cocks to begin with?? Or is this a myth? The Professor asked my opinion, kind of indirectly, after the conversation the other day at the swinger party. He was like “you’ve seen a lot”, which is true, though he doesn’t know my actual numbers. I gave him kind of a pat answer about it “not necessarily” being the case, though maybe on average they are a little bigger, which is true, but I didn’t want to delve into too much detail because I’m pretty sure he didn’t want to hear about other guys dicks that I have had sex with. I also thought it a conversation better not gone into over text because things can be misunderstood and misconstrued and he has shown some uneasiness at my past exploits before. SO, I focused more on being appreciative of his (rather well) endowment and you guys get to hear my thoughts on the matter instead! For now, lol, lucky you!! Maybe I will tell him more later if we are still talking.

I have personally slept with a lot more black men than white, so it’s not really a fair sample but I’ve done both. I’ve also ONCE had sex with an Asian guy, who was averagely endowed, maybe 6 inches, and a couple of Hispanic dudes who were both punching in at around 6.5-7. That’s all I’m gonna say about that because that’s really all I’ve seen, lol. I have also seen quite a few black and white penises that I haven’t ACTUALLY slept with, like guys I have given blow jobs to or a hand job at some point. Oh, and there was a guy that was a mix of Jamaican, Hawaiian, Japanese and white that I have messed with but we never had actual sex. Lucky him, he had it from all sides, lol, and I’d estimate him to be about 7.

Keep in mind though that I kind of suck at estimating things!! I may be hugely over or under estimating EVERYONE, who knows?? Once a girl and I who had slept with several of the SAME GUYS got into a discussion about dick size and one guy I thought was HUGE she thought was small. WTF? I was thinking he had like a 9 inch cock and she was like “are you kidding me?” I also thought he was GREAT in bed and he was my absolute favorite at the time, but she thought he sucked. Just goes to show how much sexual chemistry between two people matters and makes all the difference. If a woman thinks you are great in bed she probably also thinks you have THE BEST COCK EVER at the time! I know that is how I am anyway. Sometimes we even overestimate how big you are, like when we like you our emotions so color our view that it makes your cock grow in our head, lol. I also don’t consider myself a “size queen” because I am more interested in how he uses it than what he is sporting. It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean and all that. Still, my two current favorites in the sack both claim to be about 8 inches, and the Professor has commented that I “really like it deep”, so maybe I do like them kind of big. Hmmmm….

On that note, I will mention that I personally think there is such a thing as TOO BIG. The biggest guy I ever had sex with was 11 ¼ inches. HUGE, and I know his exact size only because OTHER guys were telling me that. They were all so jealous but they really needn’t be. He couldn’t even get it in all the way and it was awkward for him to maneuver and hurting me and the sex wasn’t all that good at all. I’d consider a cock that big something of a handicap, to be honest. He was biracial by the way, so no telling if he got that giant dick from the white side or the black, though I’m sure most in our society would assume the latter. I also slept with a guy once that had probably the shortest cock I have ever seen, maybe 4 inches, but it was so freaking wide I could barely get on it. It was like the width of a coke can, for real, and it made me tear and bleed and was so unpleasant that I never slept with him again. He was black.

Personal experience though, from a woman who has had sex with over 40 black men and at least 10 white guys and seen quite a few more, would say that on average the white guys ranged from maybe 5.5-8 inches and the black men were more like 6.5-9. So yes, slightly bigger. Still not a HUGE difference and really it correlates with the studies you will see on the subject.

When I was younger I had only heard the black men are bigger theory from black guys and I thought they were full of shit and just basically tooting their own horns. I didn’t believe there was any actual basis in fact. Even now, I have seen a couple of pretty big white guys so it does happen. I have also seen plenty of black guys that were in the 6-7 range and I’d even go so far as to say that is “most”. What kills me is that often black men who are a very nice sized will sometimes say they are “average” because there is this expectation that they are supposed to be HUGE. I also once had an encounter with a black guy that I couldn’t tell you whether or not was actual sex. It was dark and I was drunk and he put what felt like a finger inside of me and later claimed we had had sex to others. If we did then he had the smallest dick I’ve ever experienced and if that is the case I can only imagine how that might make him feel with all these high expectations.

Nowadays I hear a lot of white guys making the claim that “all black guys are huge”. I guess this is said out of jealousy to some extent but it’s also an unfair assumption to make. A lot of black men are just “normal” or maybe slightly bigger than average and there are even some out there that are on the small side. Not all white guys are average sized either, there are a few that are pretty darn big! That said I have been with a fair amount of black men that are in the 8-9 inch range. Maybe 15? I seem to be coming across it more lately and that probably has some to do with the fact that I have met guys off the swinger site (which attracts bigger black guys) and places like Craigslist where they are advertising that fact (like the married man I sleep with). Still my current fwb is pretty darn big too and I met him on OKCupid. It might appear that I am choosing guys based on their dick size, lol, or even on their skin color, but that’s honestly not it. I am attracted to certain traits like confidence and dominance and I think men with larger sized cocks seem to come by those more easily sometimes. It’s probably due to their self –perception, because men tie up their own worth into their cocks more so than I think women do. Also, my penchant for black men is really probably more a product of having grown up around more people of color than white folks and just feeling safer and more comfortable talking to them. It’s not a “fetish”.

Anyway, in conclusion, you can’t judge a cock by it’s cover. Don’t assume until you’ve seen him take off those pants that you know what he’s packing. I’ve also heard the myth that short guys have shorter dicks and that I can assure you is NOT the case. Most of the guys I have been with recently that are sporting 8-9 inches below the belt aren’t much taller than me (5’6”). There are all kinds of body shapes and cock sizes and I rarely meet a cock I don’t like ;). If I like the GUY I’m probably gonna fall in love with his cock too.

So don’t be so quick to stereotype. Yes there are probably more black men with bigger sized dicks than there are white guys overall, but that doesn’t speak to ALL. Yes, at the first swinger party where we had a six-some with two white couples the Professor was clearly bigger than both of the other guys but that again was an isolated case. I’m no mathematician but it’s probably SOMEWHAT more likely to be that way but, like everything else in life not a guarantee. The only thing I can guarantee you about black men is that they are all stubborn and bullheaded as hell if you get into an argument and you will never win. I’m kidding… 😉 Kind of…. (try and prove me wrong!! LMAO!!)

When being open isn’t enough

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So remember the Professor? The guy I was in an “open” relationship with? The one I kept saying I liked so much because above all else he was HONEST and TRUSTWORTHY? Yeah, well, it turns out he’s a big, fat, LIAR. I am so disappointed, crushed and totally let down. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not like I’ve ever met or been in a relationship with a guy in my life who DIDN’T turn out to be a big liar, but the fantasy that they are out there was a nice one.

Last night we went to another swinger party. This one was at a hotel. It was not a technical “hotel takeover” but there were something like 75-100 people at this place, in a tourist town that is not too far away from where we live. There were a bunch of rooms reserved at the back of the hotel specifically for the swinger party and a lot of people stayed the whole weekend and hung out socializing in the pool and lobby areas. Groups of people also were going out to bars and such in town, so not everyone was there at once.

The Professor and I didn’t sign up until Saturday, since we hadn’t gotten a response back from the Latino couple we have been emailing with for this weekend and the party was Plan B. That couple had made it pretty clear to me that they were interested in a FMF with me more than anything so I told them straight up that I was not ready for that and would be happy to meet them with the Professor but wasn’t interested in going at it alone at this point. He’s the one who told them about me, thinking we would swap as a COUPLE so I wasn’t going to just run off and sleep with them alone and exclude him, plus I just wasn’t really that interested. She had told me flat out she wasn’t really that bi and just wanted to do the whole thing FOR HIM. I’m not really that interested in giving this fantasy to some guy I have never even met. Anyhow, apparently that was all they needed to know because they stopped responding to messages after that.

So we decided to go to this hotel party and I was actually kind of excited. I was bound and determined for us to have a GOOD experience this time. I was in a good mood and ready to have fun. I spent the day beautifying myself, exercising, painting my nails, and checking out the swinger website, seeing who was signed up for the party and skimming over the profiles (well in between laundry, dishes, cleaning, paying bills and taking care of kids, but you don’t wanna hear about that). I got a zillion views and a few emails from people on there who saw I was signed up for the party but the Professor says he only got like 3 views. According to him that’s because I am listed as a single female and everyone wants that elusive “unicorn”. Probably true that they were hoping for me alone because I did get some asking me to have FMF threesomes.

During my profile skimming I noticed the Professor had been looking at mine and went over to his and was looking at his previous list of validations. He has quite a few. One of them that I looked at was a woman he has told me before that he has had sex with several times. She is part of a couple and older than me and lives near where the party was going to be. After checking out their profile I got an email that was from “her” saying that she understands the Professor wants a FMF and that she would love to have one with him and me. I laughed out loud and texted him to ask what that was all about. He said he is always up for a FMF but that he suspects her husband is the one who sent me that. I wasn’t opposed to the idea or anything because I had just told him recently that if I am going to have one I would feel much safer doing it with HIM than with another guy because I felt I could trust him to look out for my feelings and make sure I didn’t feel left out (my only experience in bed with a guy and one other female was when I was really young and didn’t turn out so great, leaving me feeling pretty bad). So I teased him a little about it and was like “hmmmm…..” and was actually seriously considering the possibility. He said she had texted him earlier and that they keep in contact but that she and her husband were not going to be at the party.

When I arrived at the Professor’s house he was fresh out of the shower and still in a towel. We kissed and I stood there talking to him as he was getting ready to go, playing and teasing him and just generally in a happy mood. He looked so hot rubbing lotion on his naked body.

He got us both something to eat on the way and we headed out of town for the party, arriving around 9pm. One of the hosts had texted me to say things were a bit slow due to different groups of people being at a piano bar and a pub. Still there were quite a few folks milling around the lobby when we arrived. The pool had some kids swimming in it so people were staying out of there until it cleared out. Supposedly it was reserved for the party but families had shown up anyway and no one told them to get out of the pool. We’d already been warned that we had to be careful and be on good public behavior except for inside the rooms.

So in the lobby there were a lot of people talking and drinking. Most of them were in their 40’s or 50’s and I looked to be the youngest person there. I get told frequently that I look younger than I am so it seemed like an even bigger age difference than it probably actually was. In fact the night before a 20 something guy working the register at the grocery store had acted totally shocked when I said I had a 13 year old. He couldn’t believe I was old enough to have a child that age and when I told him my actual age he was like “NO WAY!!!” haha. I seriously should start telling guys I am 29 because I’d totally pass for it.

Anyhow, I was younger and thinner and more attractive than pretty much anyone there. I know that sounds conceited, and I don’t intend for it to be, just an honest assessment. Of course this meant I got a lot of attention! There were several men flirting with me. One in particular seems almost obsessed, lol. This guy looks like Burt Reynolds, haha. He’s really nice, and actually not bad for an older man (he’s like in his 50’s) but his wife clearly doesn’t like me. She’s the same woman who made a catty comment towards me at the last party about how “oh, you are MUCH prettier than he SAID you were” regarding the Professor. So that made me feel a little awkward.

There was another married guy that I had seen at the last party having sex with his wife on a mattress. She is the one who had invited the Professor to join but not me. In any case, he was fairly attractive and flirting with me a lot too. He kept telling me how badly he wants to go down on me. He was standing there talking with me and another single girl who was waiting for her boyfriend to arrive and also the professor.

Meanwhile he starts asking me if I have seen this boyfriend and says he is a HUGE black guy that has a dick “this thick” and makes a big circle with his hand. I have no clue who he is talking about so he was trying to look up the screen name. The Professor didn’t seem to like this at all and I sense he’s not liking the idea of me hooking up with another well- endowed black guy, lol.

So I step aside and am talking to this other single woman while the guys chat. She had brought me a couple of margaritas to drink and seemed pretty nice. The Professor seemed to know her somehow but she tells me that she just signed up on the swinger site a few months ago and has only been to a couple of parties. This doesn’t register right because there was some conversation between them that made it sound like they had been at a party together and as far as I know he has only been to them with ME since July, other than once when he was a few hours away.

I am wondering and ask her when she met the Professor. She says just a couple weeks ago at the Christmas party. My heart sank down to my knees. Christmas party? He and I had talked about the Christmas party but he said he wasn’t going to go. The night of he’d claimed he was hanging out with some guy friends watching a football game. I’d been kind of upset that he didn’t want to see me but didn’t want to tell him what to do. I started to feel sick. I’m looking at this woman and trying to be nice and have a conversation but I could hardly hold it up.

She stepped aside to talk to someone else and I turned to the Professor. “I didn’t know you went to the Christmas party”. “What Christmas party?” he retorted and I looked at him dead in the eye and replied “the one where she said she met you, just a couple of weeks ago”. He started making excuses and saying “oh, I just stopped by there for a little bit” and “I just needed some time alone to socialize”. You don’t go to a SWINGER party just to socialize, dipshit. I am not an idiot. Ugh.

He kept saying stuff like how he didn’t play with anyone and it was just because he needs some time to himself sometimes and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I didn’t even respond to all this bullshit. The point isn’t his reasoning, but that he LIED to me and that he is sneaking around doing stuff like going to swinger’s parties without telling me, when HE is the one who wanted an OPEN relationship where we were supposed to TELL each other everything. All I could think while he was talking is “this fool is trying to manipulate me”. None of it registered as anything worthwhile to talk about.

He had pulled me aside from the party and kept trying to get me to “talk”. I told him I am not interested in talking and he asked me if I wanted him to take me home. I said I don’t care. You can take me home or we can go back and party. At this point all you have really shown me is that you are no different than any other guy out there. He kept pulling me back and not letting me return to the party and it was really starting to grate on me. I felt numb and didn’t want to discuss things any further.

So we headed back into the party. Lots of people were talking to us and a whole bevy of men were trying to flirt with me, none of whom I was really that attracted to but I was being friendly. So was the Professor, but not near as much as usual. Mr. Burt Reynolds look alike came up and was rubbing his hard on against me and sliding his hands around my waist and slid them up to my boobs. The Professor, who was a few feet away talking to another guy, told him to stop and that was carrying things too far. So he drops his hands down and whispers that the Professor thinks he is being too aggressive with me and is that ok? I said I don’t care but he went back to just staring and complimenting.

The Other Black Guy showed up and he was indeed, quite huge, lol. This guy is 6 foot 6 and built like a linebacker. He was very dark skinned and had an accent that was obviously not American. He seemed kinda shy but took an immediate liking to me and kept giving me the eye. He was cute, though not necessarily my “type”. He and the girl he was with pulled me aside later and asked if the Professor and I would like to go up to their room with them. At that time another whole group of people, including the Burt Reynolds guy had also invited us back to their bedroom. Another guy and his wife were trying as well.

There were all these people trying to get us to sleep with them so the Professor pulled me aside and asked what I wanted to do. I said I didn’t care, I’d do whatever. He didn’t like my answer and said that’s not true that I am normally picky and he doesn’t believe that. I said, well, not tonight. Tonight I do not care which people we sleep with. I was feeling numb. I honestly just didn’t give a fuck. He wasn’t accepting my answer and complained that I hadn’t kissed him all night long. I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t really feel like kissing him after finding out he’s been dishonest with me.

He kept insisting I talk with him and was getting resentful of people’s interruptions of our conversation so he took me up near the main desk of the hotel and we sat on the couch. I said, okay let’s just go to the room where there are gonna be a bunch of people and see what happens. He was like “you know you can’t go in there without every guy there trying to fuck you right?” I said that’s okay, I don’t care. He said yes you do and I was like NO I don’t. Isn’t this what you want? For me to go along with whatever? He said he didn’t like it because I normally don’t act like that and I still hadn’t kissed him.

So finally we go back down and by that time (because he had kept me up there so long) half the people were gone. So we go out on the balcony and ask some people where the rooms are. Mr. Burt Reynolds is out there and comes up and holds my hands and starts to drag me away. He pulls me over near his wife who is acting grouchy and smoking a cigarette and tells us we don’t need to be standing there watching her smoke and to go back inside.

He takes me back over to the Professor, who is waiting kind of impatiently and takes me with him back to the hotel rooms. We walk into the room (227) where people are supposed to be. A woman is lying on the bed and her husband is fucking her. No one else is there. He gets up and I can see he’s got some sort of cock ring on. She asks for a drink and then I realize she is tied to the bed.

Now this is the fairly good looking guy who I had seen fucking his wife on a mattress at the last party and she had asked the Professor to join in but he declined. He’s the one who has been asking to go down on me. He starts making comments to that effect and asking me to come sit on the bed. The Professor tells him not to push me. He says he wasn’t meaning it that way and the Professor tells him he doesn’t like to push women into anything. Meanwhile he’s holding onto me with his arms around my waist and his hands interlocked with mine, so I couldn’t go sit on the bed if I wanted to. He’s telling them I am shy but I think it’s really him who wants me to himself. He had told me earlier that this guy was bi and I think it was meant to deter me from wanting to sleep with him. I had said I guess it doesn’t really matter as long as he’s wearing a condom.

At this point the wife has moved to the other bed and pulled a dress over her head but has no panties on, everything showing and a boob hanging out. She’s a little on the heavy side and the Professor had told me before she was a little bigger than what he likes in bed. She’s texting on her phone and playing around. She tells me I should fuck her husband and let him go down on me, that he’s really good at it. He comes and whispers in my ear that he will be really disappointed if he doesn’t get the chance.

In comes another woman and a couple of men. This woman had just been fucking a couple earlier that her husband told us he wasn’t interested in. He said they were mad at him for not joining in but he just wasn’t attracted to them. He also says that Mr. Burt Reynolds and his wife are fighting. I hope it has nothing to do with me.

So his wife gets on the bed and starts sucking the guy with a cock ring’s dick. He also has a couple of piercings on the head of his penis. People are discussing that and she is saying how she likes to say hello by sucking someone’s dick. The texting wife is talking about how sometimes her husband lasts for hours when he fucks people. She asks the other guys who they are and they claim they just walked in off the street and we are all laughing until they admit that was a joke and they are from the swinger site as well.

In walks the huge black man and his girlfriend. They come over and stand near us and he keeps looking over at me. The texting wife and the husband of the woman who is now on the bed fucking her husband get into a mock argument and then she starts sucking his dick. He made a comment about how that finally shut her up and she pulls back and tells him if he keeps talking like that his dick is gonna just be hanging there. They argue for a bit more and she starts sucking him again.

The Professor still has a pretty tight grip on me. The wife who had been texting but is now sucking a guys dick pulls away and yells that anyone whose dick or pussy is not out needs to get the hell out of her room. So the other woman (they work together and she is actually her boss) gets on the bed and is sucking another random guy off. The big black man is taking pictures with his cell phone but he stays clothed. I’m not liking the pushy vibe and don’t want to have sex with most of the men in the room though there are two “maybe’s” (the good looking husband of the first woman and the tall black man). The Professor takes me out of the room and says he thinks that woman is too bitchy.

We decide it’s time to leave the party and on the way out there is a group of people that we stop and talk to. One of them is the woman who doesn’t like me. She is kind of aggressively flirting with the Professor and standing by him and touching but he is holding onto my hands. We chat for a bit and then head out.

On the way home we talked a little about the party before I finally bring up the Christmas party thing again. He says everyone makes mistakes and keeps making excuses for his behavior and how he didn’t want to hurt me. I look out the window trying to blink away tears and don’t talk much at all. When we get closer I ask him to drop me off at my house and he reminds me that my vehicle is at his place. So when we arrive I get my stuff and get in and he is standing in the door asking me if I am just going to leave and I say yes. He looks like he wants to cry but I just head home, where I completely break down in tears before getting up to get ready for bed.

The next morning he texted and asked why I would stay at the party if I didn’t want to spend time with him. I didn’t answer. I set to writing this blog and he showed up at my door and knocked but I ignored him. He texted again saying he thought I was being unfair not letting him even talk to me. I explained that I didn’t want to talk because he hurt me and I can’t have an “open” relationship with someone who is gonna be dishonest. He said I actually seemed like I wanted to touch him again at the end of the party and then he felt like I got mad again and I explained that I was just numb and trying to gloss over my feelings until I could make it home to cry. He asks again for me to talk to him and to come by his house and I say I can’t because I am in my pj’s.

He says if I don’t come by then he will know that I never want to see him again. I text “well, I don’t so I’ll just tell you that flat out. I’ve lost trust in you and it will never work that way. The End.” He said “wow, so youre going to break up over text messaging, really?” and I said “break up what? According to you we were just fwb anyway”.

Finally he comes by my house again. I let him in and he talked to me and said basically all the same stuff. Excuses and justifications. I told him repeatedly there is no way I can have an open relationship without trust and this makes me question everything he tells me now and that just isn’t gonna work out. He still hasn’t given an actual APOLOGY, though he said “everyone makes mistakes” and that this let him know he needs to tell me stuff in the future (as if that hadn’t been established before). I ask if he told the married woman he was going to that party and he was like “why is that important?” which lets me know he did. That makes it even worse.

He tried to hug me a few times and wrapped his arms around me and just looked like he was about to cry and said he cares about me and that’s why he was trying to avoid hurting me. Then he walked away and said well, it’s up to you now. I let him go and didn’t say a word. Now he’s texting me again and it says “I’m gonna miss you :(”.

I don’t know. The truth is I really doubt my ability to trust him now. He let me down. He’s not the honest, truthful guy I thought I’d met and who would be open and real with me. I have feelings for him, am falling in love even, but I know without trust we can’t have anything, especially a swinging, poly type relationship because that takes a huge EXTRA amount of trust in a person. Yes I craved his touch when he was here and wanted to make up but I just don’t know if I can. Every time I start to think of him sexually my mind just stops and I feel pain instead of being turned on. Maybe we will make up eventually, but how can it ever be the same? I have no idea now if he’s been lying to me about other things, like how often he sees this married woman or anything else. It’s all the deception I thought could be avoided by being “open”. I’m crushed. 😦

Swinger party gone wrong

I’m almost embarrassed to write this. Really it was my own insecurities that ruined the night. But maybe you, dear readers, can glean something from my experience, so here goes.

This weekend I went to the third swinger party of my life. My original plans had actually been to meet with the Professor and a couple from out of town, but they cancelled on us at the last minute. The very last minute, like 5 minutes before I was due to leave out the door, they texted to inform us that they had found a single woman to play with and said that was what their first choice really was. Nice. Not really a huge deal, but annoying and didn’t get our night off to the best start.

So it was then that the Professor suggested attending a swinger party. He said that since we were already fixed up to go somewhere we might as well. The only problem, as I could see it, was that the party had a theme I wasn’t prepared to dress up for. It was a Goth/fetish night and I don’t own any clothes that fit that description.

I hemmed and hawed about what to wear and asked the Professor over text what he thought of one particular lingerie outfit he has seen parts of on me before. It’s not “Goth” but its shiny red with black lace and I would have to run by the store to get some new thigh highs. I could wear my black leather boots. He said not to worry about it. Don’t dress up, most people don’t dress up anyway. My feelings were kind of hurt that he didn’t seem excited about taking me in that outfit but I just said okay. When I called to tell the hosts we were coming the man I talked to said not to worry, he was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt because that’s “as Goth as he gets”. I actually love dressing up, and much prefer to be overdressed than underdressed for an occasion, so I was still a little worried because these were men, after all, and of course they weren’t likely to be wearing sexy clothing.

It was freezing cold outside so I finally settled on tight black leggings, my knee high, leather, high heeled, boots and a low cut, leopard print top. I threw on a chunky gold colored bracelet and some dangly earrings. Far from “Goth,” but it looked good on. Underneath I was wearing a red and black plaid bra with black lace and matching red and black lace panties. It was cold so I had to wear a coat.

The Professor picked me up and stopped by a drive thru to pick me up a salad for dinner. I thanked him and offered to pay for it but he declined, saying if I wanted to buy wine I could pay for that instead. He wouldn’t be drinking since he was driving and I was too embarrassed to admit I actually didn’t have enough money to buy a bottle of wine. So I claimed I thought it would be a good idea for me to try being sober for a change of pace. The other two parties we’d gone to I’d had fun but also been drinking. Not that alcohol, for me, is a bad thing. I don’t drink a whole lot and when I do I’m actually a super friendly drunk, not a problematic one.

We drove a little way out of town for the party and had good conversation but I was ever cognizant of the fact that he hadn’t greeted me with a kiss or any physical affection, like he usually does. When we found a parking spot and got out of his car he seemed a little distant. He asked if I needed help across the gravel and I didn’t because my shoes were high heeled, but comfortable. So he didn’t take my arm and seemed to be walking kind of fast ahead of me. Needing some kind of connection before walking into a situation where I knew there would be flirting and possibly sex with other people, I stopped him, and mentioned that he hadn’t kissed me yet. He said “oh, sorry, I forgot” and gave me a quick peck, before opening the door. My heart started to sink with disappointment and my nervousness was amplified as we walked in.

Sitting at the sign in table were three enormous women in, you guessed it, red and black lingerie. Dammit, I should have worn mine! I would have fit right in. Already I feel out of place. They flirted with the Professor as he paid and completely ignored me.

He has told me before that the wife of the host couple for the parties likes him, but she’s very overweight and he’s not attracted to that. I should probably mention that he has been in “the Lifestyle” for a couple of years and knows a lot of people in this area. I know almost no one. He’s very sociable and I know he’s slept with a lot of married women, but I don’t know which ones, except when he tells me. This makes me a little uncomfortable sometimes when he introduces me to people because I don’t know his relationship to them and if they are people he has been fucking or not. I’m not sure what the women are thinking when they see me with him. People are used to him coming alone. However, this particular party is for couples and single females. Single males aren’t even allowed. It has a reputation for being a bit cliquish. He’s told me so and I observed this at the last party we went to.

Anyway, we walk over to the drink table and fill our cups up with ice and Dr. Pepper. The male half of the host couple comes over to flirt and mentions that the Sybian machine hasn’t been set up yet but will be soon. He tells the Professor how beautiful I look and says he has something even better than the Sybian if we are interested. He sticks his finger under his tongue and wags his tongue at me then hollers over to his wife “honey, which is better, the Sybian or this”? She rolls her eyes and points at his tongue. “THAT”. He is being touchy and flirty with me and tells the Professor he must have “forgotten something outside” and acts as though he is going to pull me away. The Professor laughs and the man asks again what my name is. The Professor says a name that he has called me by accident on more than one occasion. It’s very close to my own and he claims there is a woman he has worked with for several years who is named that and it gets confusing to him. This rubs me the wrong way but I don’t say anything until the man walks away. “My name isn’t ____”, I say, half- jokingly, but not really. He laughingly apologizes.

A moment later, a young couple that apparently knows the Professor walks up to us and starts to chat with him. The woman is wearing nothing but a pair of panties and a tight half shirt. Her panties said something on the back and she turned to show the Professor while her husband encouraged him to smack her on the ass. I have no idea if these are people he has had threesomes with before or not. After slapping her ass she turns around and flashes her gigantic boobs at him and another couple that is now standing there. He finally looks over at me and introduces me to them. He laughs and tells the woman “I keep forgetting her name”. I don’t find this the least bit funny. In fact it’s pretty humiliating for him to say that to a woman he’s just been flirting with and touching all over. I’m polite but inside I’m feeling sick.

We make our way across the room to an area where there is a man whipping people with various instruments on some sort of special chair. I’m watching with interest but definitely not turned on by it at all. It’s very weird to me because the people are requesting what they want to be smacked with and the man later told me he continuously asks them questions about whether or not it’s too hard and makes sure they are comfortable. He gets paid 100 dollars an hour to do this in people’s homes, for both men and women. Crazy. I guess in my mind if I were going to participate in something like that it would have to seem more “real” and less staged. Not that I am into a lot of pain anyway, but I do like spankings, just not in the way he was administering them. He was kind of dancing around and slapping them on the back with the whips and doing something with a violet wand that shocks people.

Meanwhile another woman comes up to chat and she is very friendly and sweet. I like her immediately but not in a sexual way. She’s in her early 50’s and is being flirty with the Professor. She asks what our screen name is on the swinger site, assuming we are a couple. The Professor quickly sets her straight with “oh, we aren’t actually a couple” and tells her his. I’m polite again and flirt with him and tease a bit about his screen name to the lady but inside I feel myself tense with embarrassment that he seems so quick to brush me off again and am starting to wish I’d never come there with him.

We make our way back across to the other side of the party, checking out the empty sex swing room and some mattresses that no one is playing on yet. He seems to be walking fast, not taking my arm and really being “with” me like he has in the past. I don’t know if it’s just my imagination but I start to wonder if there is someone there he has slept with before that he doesn’t want to think he likes me too much or what. His attitude the whole night seems more distant towards me and I’m starting to feel pretty bad.

He announces that he is going to run to the restroom and get another drink. He asks where I am going to be and I say I don’t know as he leaves me standing alone in the middle of the empty dance floor and rushes off. I feel abandoned. I don’t know any of these people and this particular party is known for being a bit cliquish. There are no single men, just couples and a few extra women but many of the people don’t leave their little “groups” most of the night. I make my way over to a table on the side of the room near the refreshments and no one says a word to me as I sit down. I wonder, given his behavior tonight so far, if he is just trying to ditch me so he can talk to someone.

I watch out of the corner of my eye as he comes out of the restroom, fills up his drink and then glances in my direction. Sure enough he doesn’t walk over to me but instead heads for the Sybian room. In a flash of anger I get up and start walking in that direction. I can see his silhouette through the curtain and he is talking with a woman, touching and flirting. I get closer and hear him laughing. This is a woman I had seen earlier, dressed in a tight lingerie body suit, her ass completely hanging out in the open air. I’m sure this is why he left me. I lift open the curtain and it’s just him, the guy running the Sybian and her, from what I can see. I pause. “Oh, I’m sorry for interrupting” then turn on my heel and walk out.

“LOVERGIRL” I hear him shout as he comes after me. Now he gets my name right. I ignore him and keep walking. I just want to get away from him, anywhere. I try to get into a restroom but it’s locked so I zip across the room to another locked bathroom on the other side. My heart is racing. Someone finally opens the door and I lock myself inside. I wonder if I can stay in here the whole night. It’s freezing outside and I’m wearing a sleeveless top. I feel like crying but I don’t want to ruin my makeup so I stare at myself in the mirror, trying not to blink, my hands gripping the edge of the sink. I can’t help but notice that I actually look pretty good tonight. Why doesn’t he want to be with me? I feel awful.

Finally I get myself together enough to leave the restroom. I walk quickly back across the room to get my coat and hear the Professor again call out my name. I bang my shin into a chair but keep walking. Throwing on my coat I walk past again and out the door, the Professor on my heels. He follows me out to the hotel across the other side of the parking lot. He’s not wearing a coat and stands there trying to talk to me. I ask for my phone, which he has in his pocket but he won’t give it to me. He swears up and down that he wasn’t flirting with that woman and tells me I can even go ask her husband, who was supposedly sitting in the corner, a hugely overweight man, that I somehow had managed to miss. I tell him I don’t care if he was flirting, that’s the point of being there but I don’t appreciate being ditched for someone. He keeps acting as though I’m upset about flirting and says how he flirts with everyone. No, the point is that you LEFT me to do it.

Everything comes out. Forgetting my name, embarrassing me in front of other women by laughing about “forgetting” it even though we’ve been seeing each other and sleeping together for 3 months, saying we are not a couple and worst of all ditching me in the middle of a place where I don’t know anyone so he could go talk to someone else. He swears up and down he didn’t mean anything by it and that the only reason he went in the Sybian room was to look for me. He claims he couldn’t find me among the crowd. I find that hard to believe. I’m not very hard to spot, sitting alone to the side of the room that was full of couples.

He gets upset “do you really think I would do something like that to you?? What kind of person do you think I am?” He’s shivering in the cold with no coat and he still won’t give me my phone. He apologizes for forgetting my name but says none of the other stuff was wrong and I shouldn’t be upset. I say I just want my phone. I don’t want to go back in there. He can have fun if he wants I don’t want to stay. He drove me there but I’m thinking of calling someone or a taxi or maybe just hanging out at the hotel until it’s over. I am on a downward spiral emotionally and it’s not going to get any better when I feel like this. I say maybe he can take me home and come back. He says he’s not going to do that.

He kisses me and takes my arm, pulling me close. “Come on”. I say I really don’t want to go back in there but reluctantly agree, asking for my phone. This time I put it in my coat pocket. He makes sure to stay by my side from that point on but I’m still in a bad mood that I can’t seem to lift myself out of.

We talk to some other near naked women. A young blonde girl, who is maybe in her very early 20’s, has obviously no kids and a near perfect figure, standing there in only a pair of panties, comes up and starts talking to the Professor and I. Well, mostly him. She’s asking about his work and coaching. Her blonde, somewhat attractive husband comes up to flirt with me. He can’t believe I’ve had children he says turning me around to look at my ass. I’m not really into it though. I’m still feeling off kilter and he finally backs down, saying I seem a bit uncomfortable. Meanwhile another female in her early 20’s is rubbing on this girl from the back. The blonde girl steps aside to talk to me and says she has never full couple swapped, only played with other women. She’s nice but I’m still not feeling very secure and we move on.

Someone is on the sex swing. It’s a man, and his wife is giving him a blow job. We watch for a minute then head over by an orgy that is happening on mattresses on the floor. The Professor knows these people, at least some of them. He says he’s been to house parties with them in the past. A guy who is fucking a woman on one side of the bed calls over to the Professor and asks him if he’d like to be next. “Yes, come on” invites the woman, motioning towards her pussy, then glances at me “will she mind?” The professor looks at me. “Do whatever you want” I say. He doesn’t believe me. He later said my body language belied me. True I was pulling away. I didn’t want to stand there and watch him fuck people while I looked like an idiot on the sidelines. No one was asking me to join but another woman soon was on top of her face. I also needed to use the restroom after drinking all that pop. I told him to go ahead if he wants to, I was going to use the restroom. After managing to get past the DJ, who was trying to flirt with me, I walked away.

On my way back out the Professor stopped me. I asked why he didn’t join in and he said “you really didn’t want me to”. I said you can do whatever you want to but he said he told them not this time. I asked if he would have done it if I weren’t there and he says maybe, but maybe not. He was tired and not especially attracted to the woman. He says he might have “taken one for the team” though. I said I don’t want to be his “ball and chain” and he told me to stop it.

He leaned against a table and pulled me up to kiss him. He asked if there was anyone there I wanted to play with tonight. Not really. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Then a woman that he knows walked by and he stopped her, making some sort of joke. Her husband came up soon after and started talking with us, as well as a man who I had sex with once before in an after party orgy. Once the professor got talking to the guy who had been in our previous orgy the woman looked over at me and said cattily “well, you are a lot prettier than he SAID you were”. My face fell and her husband was watching but the Professor didn’t hear. She flicked her hair and turned the other way, refusing to look at me while her husband attempted to make up for it by repeatedly telling me how beautiful I am and how they like to tease.

The Professor only saw the behavior of the husband, who turned to him and apologized, again saying I was really beautiful. I felt myself growing more and more upset. Would the Professor really say something like that about me or was she just being a bitch? I finally asked him, did you really say that? “Say what?” and I told him of her comment. He said “NO, of course not, I’ve never told them anything about how you look.” Later he told me he’d previously turned down that couple when he and I were together because he told them he was spending the evening with me instead. He says he hasn’t slept with her but they’d asked him a couple of times. I guess she was jealous but it was not a good end to my already sucky evening. I tend to be really sensitive about people not liking me for no reason.

Anyhow, I left and went home with the professor. We ended up having a long talk and finally seeming to make up. I spent the night with him and we had great sex, even though it was really late and he’d originally said we could just cuddle together and go to sleep since we were so emotionally tired. More good sex in the morning but I’m still a little leery of my ability to attend swinger parties with him in the future. Part of me wants to prove that it was just a one- time bout with insecurity but part of me wonders if I am cut out for this at all.

There were some factors that affected me, like the fact that I was a couple days before starting my period and I tend to hit rock bottom emotionally then. It seems to bring out the worst insecurities in me as well. He says he was extra tired from a long day of refereeing tournament games and that is why he may have seemed more distant in the beginning. He also claims that it is perfectly normal in “the Lifestyle” for people to invite one part of a couple to join into an orgy while the other person is left standing there all awkward. I don’t like that much at all. I also feel shy at these parties because he knows a lot of people and I don’t. I’m someone that in some situations can really live it up and be wild at a party but other times I can appear reserved. It really depends on my comfort level and the vibe of the party and those around me. This was not one of my good nights. I also was sober. Maybe I’m better off drunk, lol.

Some of the stuff I just need to deal with on my own, like flipping out over him going into that room with that woman. I don’t think he is someone who would actually abandon me at a party but I’ve had a guy do that to me in the past, actually LEFT me there while he took off with the other woman so my inner panic was due to things in the past that have happened to me. I wasn’t feeling “hot” that night either due to so many women being in lingerie and it didn’t help that the DJ said he didn’t recognize me right away since I was “wearing so many clothes” this time. In an honest assessment, I still probably looked better than 75% of the women there, who were older, unattractive, or obese, but my focus was on the young women with perfect bodies who never had kids and can run around near naked without feeling any fear.

My self- image isn’t at its best after years of being sexually rejected by my ex- husband. I can’t even wear a bikini at the lake without worrying about my body. One on one I know guys like me and I can drum up my confidence, but when it comes to comparing myself with other women I often feel I come up short. UGH. I so need to get over that!! Especially if I am ever going to go to a swinger party again!! I swear half the women looked like the lady in the picture above. Really. So honestly, if you saw me there you’d think I was being ridiculous.

Well, there you have it! My insecurities laid bare. I suck. I’m so mad at myself for acting that way. The downside of the swing hit me hard. I hope I can make it back up to the top and actually have FUN next time, if there is one.