Tag Archive | suspicions

Things that make me go hmmmm….

hmmmm-let-me-think-about-that-thumb

So remember how Mr. Motorcycle had asked me to have a couples profile with him and I had decided it wasn’t the best idea?  I don’t recall whether or not I gave him a definitive answer but apparently he took matters into his own hands and opened one without my knowledge!  I found out because the Professor texted me, apologizing for looking at my couples profile and saying he wasn’t trying to stalk me or anything, he hadn’t realized it was mine.

Um, what?  What couples profile?  I was bewildered.  He said there were face pictures of me on the main page of the site! 

At first I wasn’t even sure who it was because both the Referee and Mr. Motorcycle have got pics of me on their single profiles now.  I thought I had asked them to keep any face pics out of their main gallery, where it can be seen by all.  When I finally figured it out though, and had a look, I was only able to see pics that didn’t include my face.  I’m not a paid member so the Prof could see more than me.

Still, he opened a profile without my permission!  I was upset and texted him to ask about it.  His response was a lot of sweet talk.  He said he had to have a couples profile to get into one of the parties we were trying to attend this weekend.  When I read the rules for that party it was true, they asked all singles coming together to have a couple profile, but I was still irked he hadn’t informed me.  I also told him I didn’t want my face pics out in public and he swore up and down that he would never do that and wasn’t that stupid.

I still find it interesting that the minute a picture of me appears on that site, the Prof is on it!  It’s like he’s either on there CONSTANTLY or he’s got some kind of super radar for my pics.  It makes me sad because I do still have feelings for him but I don’t see it going anywhere at this point.  I made a comment about having heard about him sleeping with that woman and telling her not to tell me and that I was surprised to learn someone else had been all in love with him when we were together but he didn’t respond to that.  I said it didn’t really matter at this point anyhow, but I still wanted to see what he would say. 

Mr. Motorcycle deleted all the pics on the profile, other than ones he has in a gallery where he has to give permission for a person to see it.  The profile is still up though and he claims we need it to get into certain parties, which is true.  I couldn’t get him to give me the password though, he acted like he didn’t remember it when I asked him this morning.  It’s pretty obvious he is full of shit and it makes me wonder what all he actually plans on using it for.

I let it slide and still went to a party with him last night, like we had planned.  For the most part the party was fairly boring, as far as swinger parties go.  We danced and drank and it was in a hotel lobby.  We didn’t really meet anyone we were interested in swapping with, so at the end of the night it was just he and I.

During the party, he kept disappearing on me to go outside or back to the room.  I don’t think he was gone long enough to be having sex with anyone else but I am a little suspicious as to what he was up to.  Not that it really matters that much to me at a swingers party, I just think it is odd that he seems to be hiding something.  You could smoke inside this party and there was an ashtray at our table, yet he kept taking off.

After he got me naked back in the room there were a couple times he went outside to see what was going on.  He did it both before and after we had sex.  I know there was one woman there he has slept with before and he did give me a little update on what was going on with them.  Apparently she had a few guys lined up outside the room to fuck her and he says her husband slept with a couple of women too.  I still get the feeling he really doesn’t want to share ME all that much and is trying to keep me away from the fun.

Also, this morning he had what looked like a hickey on his shoulder.  I’m pretty darn sure it wasn’t from me?  I don’t think I have ever given anyone a hickey in my life, lol and I don’t remember sucking on him at all during sex but he claims he didn’t touch anyone else and it had to have been from me.  Hmmm….

Anyhow, while he was gone at various times, I would get antsy just sitting alone at the back table he wanted me to wait at, and got up to walk around and “use the restroom”.  At least that was my excuse, and I did end up giving one guy my phone number on the sly.  I was a little worried that Mr. Motorcycle would come back and get upset with me, though I don’t suppose he would have any real reason or right to.  He later claimed that one of his reasons for continuing to leave was to see who would try and talk with me, but I am not so sure about that. 

I also spent some of my time texting back and forth with both my Fuck Buddy and the Referee.  There weren’t a whole lot of attractive people to socialize with at the party and they were both curious what I was up to.  The Referee wants to see me today, later.  He kept telling me he missed me and to think about HIM and take pics.

My Fuck Buddy, and this is hilarious, had placed a Craigslist ad and I had responded to it!  I haven’t responded to a Craigslist ad in ages but had been playing around a bit on there earlier in the day and seen an ad looking for a girl with green eyes.  Hey, I fit the bill, lol 😉  Funny that it was from him because virtually every time I have placed an ad, he has answered it too!!  I know he likes my green eyes but it is amusing to me that he would specifically seek that out.  I guess we were bound to find each other on there eventually one way or another.

As the night went on we did talk to more people and dance quite a bit, so that was fun.  The sex was pretty great too, so no complaints there.  Well, other than that he didn’t cum after the second round.  He did the first time but it annoyed me that he seemed to not want to the second time.  That reduces the enjoyment for me and makes the sex not seem as good, plus I had to wonder what he was holding out for?  Hoping to sleep with someone else?  He was in bed with me all night, though that one woman he had slept with before, her husband did text at 4:30 in the morning.

Oh, and we had sex in the pitch dark, which was good because I tore during the anal episode with the Referee and it still hasn’t healed.  I had been afraid of him noticing that.  It still hurts!!  The Referee says he won’t try anal again with me.  I’m not mad or anything just don’t want to do it again.  He’s pretty thick and I just don’t think my body can handle it.

Speaking of the Referee, I also noticed HE put a picture of me on his profile that was taken in my Halloween costume with Mr. Motorcycle!  It’s just of me, doesn’t show my face and only shows my ass.  Still, he knows damn well it was taken with another man!  Why would he put that on HIS profile?  SMDH….men, I swear.  I don’t even know if I sent him that pic or if he just pilfered it off Mr. Motorcycle’s profile?  WTF?  Haha….

Anyhow, I don’t have a lot of time to type.  My computer is on the blitz again and I am at the library, but wanted to give an update and share my latest odd happenings.  Hope you all had a great weekend!  Hopefully I’ll be off to see the Referee soon. 

 

 

 

Was I wrong?

Tonight I am questioning myself and the conclusions I jumped to regarding the Pilot.  Maybe I was wrong.  Maybe he really was telling the truth and I assumed the worst about him.  If so, then I was totally unfair. 

Yes, he did sign up for a party right after cancelling on me but his excuse, that I had blocked him or he wouldn’t have done it, may have been a valid one.  He may have reacted to my actions with anger and signed up to spite me.  Not very nice but then neither was deleting our profile we had just created.  That cost him money too. :/

We haven’t spoken but I’m debating apologizing to him.  Even if I was RIGHT then I probably shouldn’t have called him an asshole.  To be fair he didn’t react in kind. 

I’m not saying I’m okay with being cancelled on at the last minute, but it was a first time offense.  He’s never done anything else to piss me off before and actually seemed to like me quite a bit.  That may have changed now and I’m not expecting anything to go back the way it was but I’m thinking the right thing may be to apologize anyhow.

A couple things got me thinking in that direction and one was my date with the Producer last night.  He took me out to a bar that is run by some swingers here in town and we were chatting when the topic came up about what had happened with the Pilot.  Even though he was jealous of him before he was like you STILL haven’t forgiven him for that?  He said I was “harsh” and he wouldn’t want to be on my bad side, that he was going to try and avoid pissing me off, haha.

Then tonight, the Married Man texted me wanting to hook up.  His wife is out of town and if you all recall, the last time this happened he stood me up and I got pretty pissed at him.  Nevertheless, he’s too amazing in bed to stay mad at for long and I finally agreed to try and work with him on some last minute plans.  Okay, if I can forgive him repeatedly (because he’s pulled this crap several times), how can I be so angry with the Pilot for doing the same thing?

Well, guess what happened with Mr. Married Man?  He cancelled on me AGAIN!  Only this time I actually believe it was for a legit reason.  He got injured playing ball and cut his mouth open and said his tooth almost went through his lip.  He was texting me pics of it and asking what he could do to stop the bleeding.  It was actually kind of cute because he seemed to think I was going to know what to do and kept asking me questions.  What does he think I am, a nurse?  LMAO.  Fortunately I did know how to help because I have some very active boys and have spent far too much time in the ER. 

After things settled down a bit and he told me he was in so much pain he wanted to cry, he says he wouldn’t be able to go down on me if I came up and sent me a sad face.  He said he wanted to be able to satisfy my whole body and not just with his dick if I was going to travel all that way (he lives near the Pilot).  He was like “I am soo sorry”, and this time I feel like it was sincere.  I mean, sometimes people really do just feel “not up to” having sex and want to give you their best.  It’s possible that could really have been the case with the Pilot.

I know some of you all on my blog were questioning too.  I don’t know.  Maybe I should just suck it up and say I am sorry.  Of course from there he could still be really pissed or unforgiving but I guess the outcome isn’t really what matters.  My biggest concern with that is that he really WAS being an ass and then I am making a fool of myself or letting him take advantage of me, but if it ever happened again then I guess I would know.  Seriously considering it.  I feel bad for blowing up at him.

While I was mad at the Pilot, I spent a little time talking to the Professor.  He says he misses me.  He made some comment about me not believing him about things that made me wonder if I’m extra suspicious.  I know I’m not the most trusting person on earth.  I’ve been lied to way too many times. 

Anyhow, he sounds sad, and says he really hasn’t played much since he was with me.  He said only with some people he knew before and once at a party he went to but acted like none of it was that great.  According to him he’s only been with that married woman once this entire year, the time we got in an argument.  I told him a little about the Pilot and what happened because he knew about our couples profile and that I’d been to a party with someone.  He seemed a bit jealous that I have been going out and getting laid more than he says he has.

Then he was sending me pics of what he ate for dinner, lobster and some kind of avocado and tomato salad and telling me he was thinking of me when he made it. I do love my avocadoes and raw tomatoes, lol.  We haven’t talked a whole lot since.  He keeps saying he misses me but he’s not making any moves to get me back in bed. 

I talked with my fuck buddy recently for a bit and we even discussed the possibility of going to a party together.   Not sure if we will do that but looking forward to sex with him again, it’s been awhile. He has started bringing up anal though and I can’t say I’m all that excited about that.  It’s like seriously, the guy with the huge 9 inch, thick cock just HAS to be the one that wants to fuck me in the ass, lol.  I was like your dick is way too big for that kind of activity!   Of course he claims his ex- wife hated it at first but then got used to it and would ride him reverse cowgirl anal and he loved it.  Sigh….

Actually, lately, the person I’ve been seeing the most of is the Producer.  He’s been coming through here about twice a week.  I haven’t really been pushing the gold digging thing but he seems quite happy to offer things on his own.  He says he wants to take me to Vegas with him in the fall and then maybe on a cruise in the Bahamas.  Hey, I can handle that! 😉 

Each time we meet up he makes sure to take me out and do SOMETHING with me so that is fun. He says he doesn’t want it to be “just sex”.  He’s also talking about doing something special for my birthday next month, so we will see.

Once he brought up wanting a threesome with this woman he says he has slept with here before.  She is like 21 and blonde and he sent me pics and I’m wondering why the hell he always wants to see ME instead of her then when he is here, but whatever.  He keeps saying what incredible pussy I have.  I can’t help that. 😉  He’s like, “it’s just sooo SOFT and wet and hot and GOOD”.  He says he can’t believe I’ve had kids. Yeah…  well, what can I say?  LMAO  (Other than one of my kids was 9 ½ lbs with a big head and I had them all natural, guess it hasn’t damaged THAT area too badly anyway).

He’s still bent on becoming the “best sex ever” for me and wants me to rate his performance afterwards and tell him what a big dick he has all the time, but whatever, I guess I can oblige that, haha.  Shaking my head…. The sex isn’t bad.  It’s not off the charts spectacular but it’s still fun!! 

When we were at the bar last night we met a single woman that we struck up a conversation with and she and I exchanged numbers.  This is more likely a hangout thing than a sex thing, though she was having an issue with being in a fight with a current lover while her fuck buddy on the side cancelled for the night.  She seems like she might be fun though, so you never know. We were texting a bit back and forth last night but I was decidedly tipsy.  I also sent a drunk I miss you text to the Professor. He said he misses me too and sent a sad face.  :/  Dangit I’m just all kinds of confused right now.

 

Feeling the fuck buddy thing

perfectbuddy

The closest thing I’ve had to sex in a month was yesterday and I just sucked my fuck buddy off.  Normally I would want more than that but circumstances kept me from actually having sex with him.  It was fun though and I was willing to do it because he’s really the only guy I feel like I can count on at the moment. 

I am on my period and was supposed to get a Brazilian wax but it had to be postponed due to it starting early.  Meanwhile, I can’t shave, so I feel all gross and disgusting, lol.  I guess years of removing all the hair has just made it seem weird to have any.  I can’t wait to get it all removed, even though I know it’s probably gonna be painful.  I got to experience some of that while having my underarms waxed the other day.  Ouch!!  Love the results though, definitely something I could keep doing!  They are all smooth and perfect, despite still being a tad sore.

Fuck Buddy was wanting to look at and touch my boobs while I sucked his cock, so I let him pull them out but when he asked to lift up my skirt and look at my ass I was like um, no, haha. He knew what time of the month it was but didn’t want to explain the shaving thing until afterwards and thankfully it was a skirt with shorts sewn underneath, lol.  Then he started talking about the possibility of fucking me in the ass (with his thick, 9 inch cock).  My mouth was full but I’m sure the expression in my eyes was “oh hell no!”  I just shook my head and was like “mmmhhmmh.”  Poor guy. 

Despite my reluctance to engage in anything other than sucking his dick, he came fairly hard and easily and into my mouth.  It’s been awhile since I sucked a guy to completion, due to the fact that I usually want to fuck, so it was fun and low pressure.  He happened to be in town visiting a friend, so we were at his house in a bedroom, with him lying on the bed.  I met some guy that was sitting on the couch beforehand but he didn’t say much, lmao.

We talked for a little bit before and after but not a lot because I had errands to run.  I told him the Professor and I are no longer seeing each other and he was surprised and asked why but I sort of blew off the question, saying it just didn’t work out.  He said his last sexual encounter was on Memorial Day, some couple off the swinger site and the woman was older but had a good body. 

When I started to leave he pulled me back for a hug, reminding me how thankful I am for him at the moment.  He’s always sweet and never disrespectful, despite us not having an emotional thing.  He always looks and smells great, has a really nice body, is always up for sex, is great in bed, doesn’t pry if I don’t want to talk about something and returns texts promptly.  No drama, no fuss and I never have to worry about being lied to.  Best of all, he doesn’t lead me on and is pretty straightforward about what he wants.

I guess you never know but I don’t get the feeling he is going to run off and abandon me any time soon.  Even if something doesn’t work out or I am too busy to get together, he’s cool with it and up for meeting again the next time.  I like him a lot and enjoy talking with him but we’ve been seeing each other once or twice a month for a year and still no sign of emotional attachment on either end.  It’s nice to have someone to fall back on like that. I guess that’s why I don’t mind sucking his dick with nothing in return, lol.

When I think of the Professor I am still so emotionally hurt.  I’m not sure I could ever sleep with him again.  Those feelings of abandonment and pain just override any and all memories of the sex to the point where it’s not even appealing anymore.  I still don’t really understand his sudden switch in attitude when all I wanted from him was reassurance that everything would be okay.  I don’t understand how he could go from seemingly caring so much about me to pulling a disappearing act during the time I needed him most.  It just makes me feel so betrayed and confused.

I keep trying to remind myself that I’ve been through worse in the past but it doesn’t really help.  I guess I thought more highly of him than I should have, put him up on a pedestal thinking he was this great guy.  Him bringing by donuts didn’t make it any better and just leaves me still wondering wtf he is thinking?

 A couple days after that he was looking at my profile on the swinger site again.  At first I resisted the temptation to look back, but after several hours I finally took a peek.  Big mistake.  He’d been validated by yet another woman he’d obviously slept with.  It’s almost as though he did that just because he WANTED me to look and see, like he’s bragging.  I wouldn’t put that past him at all but I don’t understand the need to rub it in when I’m already obviously feeling bad.  😦

It’s been a week since the donut drop though and that little profile glance is the last I’ve heard from him.  Maybe now I can manage to put him out of my mind again.  I did notice though, that each time he has been validated by someone new, it has been someone that I have noticed looking at my profile shortly beforehand.  He must be mentioning me or talking to them about me.  I wonder what he’s saying?  Is he bragging that he slept with me or saying something bad?  He’s shown me the profiles of people of some of the women he slept with on different occasions so maybe that’s all it is, I hope.

The Pilot and I are still in regular phone contact.  He wanted to hear my voice and has called a couple of times.  I liked his voice on the phone and that is always a good thing.  I have a thing for a man’s voice, whether it’s talking to me during sex, or singing or just turning me on over the phone.  It’s a wonder I’m not more into phone sex, lol.  He says people sometimes tell him he sounds white over the phone and maybe a little but I could tell he’s not. He sounds sexy.

We’ve been texting fairly often and he still seems pretty interested.  He went to a Lifestyle party last night but said it was kinda boring.  I don’t ask him too much about if he’s been having sex and I didn’t mention the fuck buddy.  Maybe it’s better not to get too detailed about stuff like that, if we know each other has sex with other people isn’t that enough?  Seems like less of a recipe for drama.

He claims not to be a big drinker but seems like every night he is having a drink.  Has me a bit curious about how much that actually is though I suppose if it doesn’t affect him it’s not a huge deal.  That and  he’s pulled a disappearing act a couple of nights though he always texts me eventually.  I’m sure he’s probably having sex or something but he doesn’t outright say so. 

One of the nights, afterwards, he told me that he went to some woman’s house to talk to her 17 year olds about flying and joining the military.  Then he adds that her husband is in Afghanistan and she had a double mastectomy (some time back) and they are friends and he wants to be there to support her since her husband is not. Hmmmm…   I guess I’m on the lookout to make sure I’m not getting involved with anyone who is already deeply emotionally involved with someone else and that one made me wonder.

 Maybe better to continue to keep my distance.  I still want to have sex with him though!  Just don’t want to fall for any tricks or manipulations.  He’s making it seem like he’s soooo into me now but stuff with the Prof has left me kind of raw and leery.  I don’t know, I’m sorta feeling like the whole relationship thing is overrated and I don’t want to let anyone in or too close.  I hope it at least works out though where we get to go to this party together soon.  Looking forward to that!

WTF??

donuts

I interrupt my regularly scheduled blogging to bring you this little bulletin.  I woke up to a text this morning from the Professor.  It said “check your front door”.  So I went out there and looked and he had left a box of donuts.

I’m not sure how to take this.  I thanked him and asked why he did it and he said he thought my kids might like it.  It’s a nice gesture, but….is it really?

Whyyy would he do this NOW?  It’s almost like he saw that I am slipping away and wanted to try and get me back on the string again.  Or maybe he is trying to fuck with my losing weight so I can look hotter for new guys, ha. I wonder if he peeked on the swinger site and saw that I had signed up for a new party.  It’s possible to discover that info from my profile if he clicks on a button that shows your events attended/attending.

Maybe he is just trying to be nice and I’m assigning all kinds of suspicious motives.  I don’t know, but now I’m really confused.  I guess he could just feel sorry for me or honestly be thinking about the kids, but it’s been 6 weeks. 

Hmmmmmm……