Tonight the Pilot and I opened a new couples profile together on the swinger site. We added some pics of ourselves fucking as well as photos taken from each of our individual profiles. He wrote it up really well and we look and sound awesome, if I do say so myself. 😉
As soon as he put it out publicly we were inundated with views and winks and emails as well as people sending us their private photo galleries. It’s only been up a couple of hours and there have been something like 400 or more visitors already. One of our first visitors was apparently, the Professor.
I felt awful. He texted me almost as soon as the photos were posted. He must have seen the ones of me and tried to click on it on the main page where they feature new photos. Only, he couldn’t access our actual profile because the Pilot blocked single males from looking at us.
His text said “I see you block single males from your profile now so I guess you found someone who will treat you well and appreciate you. Good luck”. I’d been hoping with him being blocked he wouldn’t have even been able to see the photos. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. 😦 No idea if he had to see the ones of us fucking or even recognized that it was us but for his sake I hope not.
It was especially bad because he’d been texting me yesterday, obviously trying to reconnect. I do still care about him too, a lot, and don’t want to hurt him. He clearly took us blocking single males as a personal affront but it wasn’t that at all.
The Pilot wanted to do so because he didn’t want to deal with emails from single men. No reason that he should need to. If I come up there to visit him and we are playing with someone we meet with our couples profile it wouldn’t be fair for it to be a guy. Then the Pilot wouldn’t get to fuck anyone and I would. A single female at least we could both play but he isn’t into guys.
We kept our single profiles and it was decided to avoid drama we will only hook up with people TOGETHER with our couples profile and if we want to do something separately we need to do it with our own profiles. Makes perfect sense to me.
However the Prof was clearly hurt and it put a damper on my excitement. We texted back and forth and I was here trying to comfort him in between happy texts from the Pilot telling me thanks for being such a cool girl. We are also planning to go to another party and were getting all the details taken care of for that. Then he was off to hang out with some swinger friends (and possibly have sex).
I still feel totally relaxed about the Pilot and what he does without me. It doesn’t bother me a bit at this point. He’s just got a really good attitude about it all. It was his idea to not have any outside hookups without each other from our couple’s profile. I love the way he sets boundaries like that. It makes me feel so much better about everything and like I don’t have to worry.
So, back to the Prof. He was clearly jealous and upset. I told him I wasn’t blocking single males from my regular profile just for this one and it’s only for occasional play with a friend. He was like “oh, well ok. Glad you found a friend that appreciates you”. I must have told him at some point before that he didn’t appreciate me. Sigh.
I told him to stop it. That he’d pretty much broken my heart and that I wasn’t trying to hurt him and that the single male blocking wasn’t personal. I said I didn’t think he’d even see it, which was true. We put it in a zip code closer to the Pilot and I just wasn’t expecting the Prof to notice it right away like that. Our profile photo doesn’t show our faces.
He said our breakup was hard for him too and that he cares for me and it isn’t easy but I have the right to do whatever I like. I spent some time explaining that it was just for fun and I’m not tied down to this guy or anything. He commented “well, he must not want you guys to play with single guys when you’re a couple because he did block them”. He was really stuck on the blocking thing. Maybe because it makes him feel shut out and he can’t even look but I really don’t think he wants to see a bunch of pics of me fucking the Pilot anyhow. I didn’t tell him that though.
I tried to explain our reasoning and he said I didn’t have to but there was still a hurt and jealous tone to his texts. He kept saying “well, I hope you’re having fun”. He made a comment that I acted like he was supposed to know this guy or something the way I talked and I said no, not that I know of. I didn’t tell him this but I’ve barely even mentioned to the Pilot that I had a relationship before him. I commented that I had been seeing someone about 9 months and going to parties with him occasionally but that’s all he knows. He hasn’t pressed any further so I kept quiet about it.
It’s possible that they’ve met. The Pilot apparently also knows (and probably slept with) the married woman that the Prof sees but I wasn’t going to get into a discussion about that. I didn’t want to get into too much detail with either of them about that kind of stuff.
I finally told the Prof, hey, you didn’t want me anyway, you said you didn’t want any kind of relationship with me. You said the other woman in your life was more valuable to you and that I wasn’t worth the trouble. Then when I tried to see how you were doing you acted uninterested in talking to me. You seemed happy with all the people you were sleeping with and like I hadn’t really meant anything.
His excuse was that he was really busy with the end of the school year and then getting started in his new job. He said he can’t believe I don’t think he cares and that he misses talking to me. I told him I cried for months and you didn’t seem to care then and he said it was because he knew it would be harder.
I finally said “well, it’s not like anyone was making you not talk to me or be around me. That was what you wanted”. He said it was because there was stuff in his life that he needed to get figured out. I have no clue what he is referring to there.
We left it at that before he went to bed and I’m up here typing. Part of me is thinking hey, why not just have my cake and eat it too? Can I somehow incorporate the Prof back into my life without ruining things with the Pilot? I really do have feelings for him. Things right now with the Pilot are so awesome though, that I am also afraid to risk it.
It SHOULDN’T be a risk but I am not so sure that it wouldn’t be. The Prof knows a lot of people and likes to talk and could very easily get word out about things between he and I in a way that might piss off the Pilot. I can see him trying to sabotage things with us. Maybe he wouldn’t and maybe I am being unfair and should give him the benefit of the doubt, but then again, maybe not.
I also do wonder about whether the Pilot is going to exhibit any jealousy in the future. It’s too early to tell and if he doesn’t he’d be a rare male indeed. He’s admitted that he is afraid it is something he could struggle with if he likes someone too much. Right now he doesn’t ask me about guys but he has said we are free to do what we want with our individual profiles so I know he has to know that is a possibility. I have no intention of rubbing it in his face or giving him details though unless he asks.
I wonder if it’s possible though, for me to have it all? Like can I just have all my fun with the Pilot and relegate the Prof to the fuck buddy status he claimed to want or is that just a recipe for hurt and disaster at this point?
Oh, and the Producer has been more silent lately. Maybe I upset him when I told him I might be going out of town this weekend. He knew it was to see another guy and he wanted to come here. Also, he’s just been through an ordeal because he accidentally tried to board an airplane while carrying a loaded gun in his bag. EEEk! As you can imagine the TSA did not take kindly to this, especially coming from a big black man. I guess it really was an accident and he has a conceal and carry license and a clean record so they let him off but he faces the possibility of like a 25,000 fine and has to be investigated by the Feds. He said it was really embarrassing.
Anyway, decisions, decisions……