Tag Archive | shame

Fucking and funerals don’t mix…or do they?

nakedcoffin

Is it shameful to fuck someone after a funeral of a dear friend? What if the guy you slept with was someone she was having sex with before she died? Totally inappropriate? Who would do something like that anyway? I guess, me.

Now I am not 100% sure they were sleeping together, but I’m going to say it’s a good possibility. I know they were spending a lot of time together the past several months and according to him they went out to a concert for his birthday. He was also pretty torn up about the whole thing, and told me he had cried over her and taken off work for a week. Apparently though, he was a-okay with taking home an old friend for some hanky-panky afterwards. It remains to be seen whether or not this was a one night stand. Maybe we can chalk it up as comforting each other…right? Got any other excuses for me? :p

Let me explain how it all went down. Some of you may remember reading about this particular friend of mine because I wrote about her when I first met the Cohort. I hadn’t seen her in years, but he had met her right before he met me, through his ex girlfriend that I went to school with.

Back in the day, as teenagers, we were thick as thieves. We got into ALL sorts of trouble together. She was hilarious, always making side comments to me about the various people we came across at parties and how they were dressed or were acting. This girl could steal anything, and while that may not be a great talent to have, I’ve got to admit it was pretty impressive!

When we were young and wild and free, we would caravan from party to party with carloads of people and she always knew how to live it up! Whether we were sneaking into the neighborhood pool late at night for a skinny dip or crawling through the window of her first car because the door wouldn’t open, we were always having a good time. In some ways, her family was like mine. Her mom was a drug addict and her dad was homeless, we ran into him one day when we were volunteering at a soup kitchen and she hadn’t seen him in months. He didn’t even show up at the funeral, pretty sad.

Anyway, she was a beautiful, tall, slender, dark skinned black girl. She used to dye her hair with blue kool-aid to give it a so-black-it’s-blue sheen and was always a fashion queen. Well, unless we were at Walmart in the middle of the day- then she had no problem going in her pjs and slippers- way before it was cool, lol. Going out at night though, she was always dressed to the 9’s.

She died unexpectedly and I had no idea she was even sick. She was on my Facebook page and we had talked a few times throughout the years about getting together, but never followed through. I learned about it when the Cohort’s ex girlfriend (that worked with her) put up a go-fund-me page for her children. Devastatingly sad, especially since I know in recent years she had really put forth effort to get her life together.

The Cohort’s ex- well, that’s another story. I don’t know her personally, just knew who she was since she went to my school, but apparently he told her about me. I had no idea and didn’t want to rock the boat, so hadn’t said a thing to her at the funeral. I didn’t know until after that they had talked and he had shown her my Facebook page and she said she didn’t remember me. Awkward!

I had actually gone to the funeral alone and was a little worried that I wouldn’t know people or they wouldn’t recognize me. It had been so long since I have seen so many of the people I ran around with back in the day. Not to mention I was one of the only white people there, minus the Cohort’s ex and what looked to be her dad, plus maybe one or two others. I would definitely stand out.

Thankfully, the minute I walked in the door I was bombarded with hugs, first by the guy I am about to tell you all about and then by a group of girls that I used to run with. They said they had just been talking about me! It was funny, because there WERE some people I knew that barely recognized me, but there were others that remembered me and I couldn’t tell you for the life of me who they were, even after they identified themselves. Even one girl I thought didn’t like me, was super friendly. Whew!

One of the girls that had been super tight with my friend and I invited me back to her table and we got a chance to talk and reminisce a little bit. The whole function was supposed to be more of a joyful celebration of life than sadness, as her body had already been cremated and everyone wanted to remember the good stuff. No funeral clothing allowed and there was a DJ (also an old friend- he says I look like I am still 18, lol) and dancing and a bar.

So anyway, the guy. He was an old friend of mine, but we had never had sex. I’m really not sure why, as I am pretty sure I was banging most of his friends and he’s always been nice looking. He was on the football team and I vaguely remember him being pretty well known for that- he played on some international team in Australia and got paid for it when we were older. He’s got a stocky muscular build and I thought was shorter than me back when, but he’s not anymore.

He’s been on my Facebook and I had recently seen that he was at the same concert I went to with the Boring guy. He had to have been sitting almost just behind me because we both posted videos and you could see some of the same people in them. I had commented on one of his posts that I was there too!

Also, one of the guys I talked to off Tinder (but never met up with) is someone that worked with him. The guy had seen that we were mutual friends and asked him about me. So first thing when I walked in the door, he gave me a big hug and said his friend had told him we talked and that he had told the guy I was a “good girl”.

Yeah…I’m not so sure about that, haha, as I’m sure he has to remember some of my escapades- I’m pretty sure he was there WATCHING me fuck a couple of other guys on a picnic table once at the park and another time that we had snuck into a swimming pool locker room late at night. He was pretty good friends with the two guys I wrote about having threesomes with all the time- they both played on the football team with him. I swear I didn’t do the whole football team, lol, I mean, I didn’t do him, right? 😉

Seriously though, I still can’t figure out why I didn’t fuck him. He claims he had a huge crush on me but kept quiet about it and that he has wanted me for 20 years. I’m guessing that’s a smooth line he’s using on all the women these days, but who knows? He was definitely running around with the crew, though he says he was in a group home at the time (which I never knew) so maybe that helped keep him out of some of the stuff we were getting into. I know he was no angel either though.

We didn’t hang out a lot after that initial talk at the funeral, but when I walked out to my vehicle 3 hours later, he was also getting ready to leave. He came up to talk and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. We exchanged numbers and I agreed to meet him up closer to the city, since we both live up here now.

He was making me laugh as we drove off from the funeral because he was pulling up next to me in his BMW, pretending to hit on me with the windows down. He was like “hey baby, what’s your name?” every time we hit a stoplight or he passed by.

I met him back at his house first, because he wanted to drive together (nice play, haha). I was a little surprised that it wasn’t as nice as I thought, considering the area where he lives and that I know he has a good job at a car dealership. He said he owns the home, but it is a duplex and he lives with his autistic cousin. According to him he has a few other houses as well, that he “used” to use for nefarious purposes, but that he is not doing that now.

He answered the door in his boxers and apologized for it (yeah right, lol). He was surprised that I don’t smoke pot anymore (clearly he still does) but got dressed and took me out to a nice place for Thai food. He warned me that the staff might be super happy to see him and sure enough the hostess was all excited but looked embarrassed for my sake, and apologized to me, thinking I was his girlfriend.

I really didn’t care, but she seemed to feel it was awkward. Actually, he had ASKED me in the car if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I was kind of taken aback because it seemed so soon but he says he feels like we have known each other forever so its really not that weird. I said “maybe” but that I didn’t want to commit to anything yet and he said that’s fine, we could be friends too but he hopes I will change my mind.

Over dinner and drinks he told me about how he has tons of money now and spends a lot of time traveling. He claimed he wants to take me, and maybe my kids, on vacations with him. He said “Daddy’s ballin now baby, I can get you whatever you want”. He even offered to get me a new car, since he goes to auctions all the time and said that I wouldn’t have to pay him back. Yeah, he was promising the moon and stars, lol. 😉

We stopped by a liquor store on the way back and grabbed some wine. He drove super fast and parked in the handicapped space. He said he never gets tickets because the police all know who he is. The full moon was out and he made a comment about it being a blue moon. I made a comment about our outing being “once in a blue moon” and he begged me for it not to be that. He asked me to please say I will keep seeing him!

When we got back to the house and had drinks, it wasn’t long before he was trying to get on top of me. Only, I was really trying NOT to fuck him that night. I was on the tail end of my period and hadn’t shaved for like 2 days. It wasn’t that bad, but I hadn’t been planning to have sex.

So it ended up being kind of like high school all over again. He’s on me on the couch and saying things like “I won’t put it in, I promise, I’ll just rub NEXT to it”. Yeah, we all know how that ends, sort of like “I’ll just put in the tip baby, that’s it”. I put up a bit of a protest, but we eventually got to it. At one point, before we actually had sex, I could see his roommate was peeking through the door, so we got up and went to his bedroom.

Afterwards, I had to get home but he kept saying he wanted me to stay and trying to get me to promise to come back. We will see if he really means all that though, I’ve only heard from him a couple of times since, and it has been short. I wonder if it really was a blue moon, post funeral, pump and dump. Only time will tell.

He had mentioned that he was going to this housewarming party for another friend of ours later in the week. This guy happens to be one of the ones I used to have threesomes with and he lives just down the road from him, but is apparently married now. He was joking about bringing me along as his date and seeing everyone’s reaction. He didn’t mention it again though and I saw pics of it all on Facebook- there were a lot of people I knew there. I’m sure some of them will hear about our rendezvous…just like in high school, lol. 😉 :p

Lucky me, an STD

stdtesting

Fucking policeman, I know it had to be him.  When I texted to share the news he claimed he hadn’t had sex in a year before me.  Guess he must have forgotten telling me about the woman he slept with while her husband watched and the fiancé of his cousin that they supposedly bang together frequently.  Hmmm…

Yeah, he’s the one that was going on about how he couldn’t get STD’s because he is allergic to various antibiotics and how careful he is. Then he mentioned how he never sleeps with these “lizards” at truck stops. I should have known him SAYING this stuff and bringing it up probably indicated the opposite. Men are such liars. “He who doth protest too much….”

Too bad too, because I really wanted to keep sleeping with him.  It was fun, I just don’t want to risk this again!  He was asking me about anal recently too, and knowing this?  No way!

Anyway, I have Chlamydia.  I guess it’s not all that surprising considering my sexual activities for the past month.  3 new guys and only one wore a condom.  I should know better, I really should.   Fuck buddy, fortunately, ALWAYS wears a condom and it’s been over 5 weeks since I’ve seen the Professor so I think he’s probably fine.  The incubation period for this is like a week and a half and the nurse said sometimes takes up to 3 weeks to show up.

The Jamaican guy was surprisingly nice over text.  His response was “What??? Thanks for letting me know.  That’s very brave and sweet of you.  Thanks!” I’ve never been called “sweet” before for informing someone I may have given them an std (because I have my doubts that it came from him), but okay.

 I haven’t responded to that, not sure what to say, lol.  I think I’m more “blunt and to the point” about stuff like this than “sweet”.  I didn’t beat around the bush, just told them both straight out, over text, so I’m sure it was a bit of a shock.

I wish I could say I have never had an STD before, but sadly that wouldn’t be true.  If you read my post My Deep Dark Past, it should come as no surprise that I’ve had quite a few.  My sexual activities as a teenager were not only reckless as far as condoms go but also involved a lot of guys who had been in and out of prison at some point or another.

  I’m always surprised though at these people who claim they have had (mostly unprotected)sex with hundreds of people and never contracted anything.  How??  It seems like the minute I have unprotected sex with a new guy I virtually always end up with something unpleasant, heck I’ve even had what appeared to be an allergic reaction to the freaking CONDOM (or spermicide on it) with one man.  I think I’m just really sensitive and susceptible to this sort of thing.  Thankfully I am pretty in tune with my body and notice and get stuff treated right away. 

The nurse at the health department was pretty nice.  She didn’t act too horrified when she saw my vast, extensive, std history.  It always makes me want to crawl through the floor.   What was the worst was that a couple of years ago, I contracted Trich and when the antibiotic didn’t clear it up the first time around they said I would have to go through my family doctor.  The doctor wouldn’t refer me someplace until I got seen in the office so I had to have my records faxed over there and ever since I can feel the judgment from the staff.  This is the same place I take my kids to be seen. :/

It looks awful on paper, but reality is I am not having near as much reckless sex as I was back then and have only caught the Trich and this in the past couple of years since my divorce.  I’ve always been quick to discover and treat whatever it is and followed the instructions on not having sex until things cleared up and informed my partners.

Still there is a whole host of stereotypes that come with someone having had STD’s that is very negative.  One of them is that the person isn’t clean and I know that’s not true because I am scrupulous with hygiene.  Maybe if there wasn’t so much shame surrounding the issue people would be more honest too.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I have come down with something and anyone/everyone I was sleeping with adamantly denied having anything.  Um, sorry but that is IMPOSSIBLE.  I will admit though that I think there is some problem with the testing.  Even the nurse at the health dept told me sometimes one half of a couple will test positive with Chlamydia and the other shows up as either having nothing or having Gonorrhea, so they treat both anyway.

When I came down with Trich, the guy I had the affair with swore up and down he tested as having nothing.  I told him that lots of times men do test negative and still can pass it on and should be treated.  Apparently his doctor told him the same damn thing and offered him medicine but he said he wasn’t going to take it because he “didn’t have anything” and wasn’t taking any freaking medicine that he didn’t need to!  I wanted to bang my head on the wall, lol.  We used condoms for a while after that but  eventually did again, without, and I never got anything.

I still remember the first time I had Chlamydia.  It was in my THROAT and I was 15 years old so it took them awhile to figure out what was wrong.  I had to see a pediatrician and the woman was so horribly nasty to me when she found out.  She asked how many sexual partners I’d had in the past 6 months and I was afraid to tell her the truth so I said “10”.  It was really more like 20.  Some of those had been gang rapes.

 She spent her time trying to shame me and make me feel bad, rather than asking any deeper questions.  She said she wanted the names and numbers of all the people I’d slept with and that she was going to call and talk to them.  Of course I claimed not to remember them (though I knew) because I didn’t want to be humiliated like that.  Then she acted even nastier, as though treating me like dirt was going to stop me from having sex.

Anyhow, I DO know better than to have sex with strangers without a condom.  I’ve admittedly been kind of reckless lately in my attempts to forget about the Professor.  It could have been worse though.  What kills me is that the officer HAD the damn condoms sitting there, because I had ASKED him to bring and wear one but he didn’t put it on. 

I’m just as guilty because I was super horny and he’d just gone down on me and all I wanted was him inside me and didn’t care.  I really hope he was telling the truth about not cumming inside me too because I am late for my period.   :/  I’m afraid to get a test and hoping it’s just the Chlamydia and the fact that I’ve had an irregular cycle lately.  When I had Trich last time my period was 12 days late and it totally freaked me out, but no pregnancy. 

I take the meds tonight and then no sex for a week.  Thank God I caught it now because I’m due to see the married man next weekend.  She said I’ll also most likely get a yeast infection from the antibiotics (something else I’m super susceptible to) and so will start some meds for that soon as well.  I’m disappointed too because I was looking forward to seeing Mr. Officer again.  Damn!!