Tag Archive | sexless marriage

Ooops!

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What not to accidentally text to your ex- husband (Gah, I am such a freaking airhead sometimes, I swear!!). “You make me feel so good”. LMAO I texted right after and was like “oops, wrong person”.

Yeeaaahhh… Of COURSE it was the wrong person. I never, in a million years, would have texted those words to the ex- husband. He never bothered to even TRY to make me feel good in bed. His excuse, when we were divorcing and that fact came out in anger, was that I had supposedly told him, once upon a time, somewhere back when we were dating, that I didn’t “have” to have an orgasm to be happy in bed. So he extrapolated that to mean that I didn’t WANT an orgasm, ever.

For 13 years I supposedly had no desire for an orgasm. Say what?? Nevermind that I had TRIED and asked him questions like why he wasn’t interested in giving me oral sex and he said that was what lesbians do and straight women wouldn’t be interested. Thanks. Thanks for shaming me for wanting basic sexual pleasure. I told him I didn’t understand why women’s bodies would be created the way they are, where it feels good to have sexual stimulation on the outside if we weren’t supposed to have any and he said maybe that was part of “the curse”. You know, the curse on Eve after eating the fruit in the Garden of Eden? Yes, he actually said that.

To be fair he didn’t want me to go down on him either because he felt oral sex was “wrong” in the eyes of God since it’s not used to procreate. Once upon a time though, when we were dating and before he “rededicated” his life to Christ, I gave him a blow job that resulted in him cumming in my mouth and me swallowing it. I remember it clearly because it was the first time I had really willingly swallowed someone’s cum and I gagged a bit because it was thick like Tapioca pudding. (I’ve since read that can happen when a guy doesn’t cum often enough, don’t know if that was the case or what). Anyway, he got all upset about it afterwards, even though I wasn’t at all and said he “felt bad” for doing so. Poor guy really did have a lot of hang ups about sex.

He also felt that masturbation was bad. We got into arguments about this because I felt it was natural and fine to touch your own body. He said he didn’t and was especially opposed to women doing so and it was even worse if you used a toy. Still, he was the one with the “porn problem” where he snuck off to some porn booths to supposedly masturbate. Now that I know those booths sometimes contain glory holes and people have sex in there I’m not so sure. Who knows what he was doing? Sex with men? I honestly wouldn’t be that surprised, because he had virtually no interest whatsoever in ME.

So I survived my marriage without these releases. Okay, not without masturbation. I never bought a toy but I know how to make do. I’m crafty like that 😉 Ha. Thank God for shower massagers and well, I won’t mention my other improvisations, but hey, they worked. I never have gotten the hang of getting myself off without some sort of aid but that’s okay because I’m like MacGuyver if I have to be.

Like it or not my body DOES need orgasms!! People give all this lip service to men having “blue balls” and NEEDING to get off every now and then but I firmly believe women do too! Heck I know I do! I know how it feels to have all sorts of sexual energy that really NEEDS a release. Perhaps I masturbate a little too often (sometimes a couple times a day) especially now that I have both a fun toy AND a shower massager, but hey, it feels GOOD so if I can find a few minutes to do so, why not? Just wish sometimes that it didn’t take me so dang long to get off, lol, or I’d do it more often.

Anyhow, the text was MEANT to be sent to the Professor, who, as usual, was AWESOME in bed tonight!! 🙂 I just love the sex with him so much. Its ultra- intimate and just hot, hot, hot!! One of these days I’m gonna learn to be more quiet though, sheesh, his poor neighbors. Thankfully the windows in the apartment above him looked dark when I was leaving and I don’t think anyone was home.

One of the positions we did tonight is something I don’t recall ever doing before. He had me lying on my back with my knees up against my chest, only he wasn’t laying on me missionary style like a guy usually would be when you are like that. He was sideways, and like almost doing push-ups. Ha, I guess guys have to be pretty athletic for some of the stuff they do in bed sometimes, glad it’s not me that is doing all that work, but I loved it and he seemed to enjoy it too. He was some of the time going side to side, like guys sometimes do when they are in Missionary, but instead, because of his position, it was up and down. I hope that makes sense. Anyhow it felt incredible.

Mmmmm…. I totally want to go crawl into bed and masturbate thinking about it now. It was only a couple hours ago that I left his place but I just love playing with myself afterwards and getting all lost in the thoughts of how good it felt. It’s funny because guys, and the Professor, often seem to think it’s an INSULT for you to admit to masturbating after having great sex with them. “What? You weren’t satisfied?” he will ask. So I don’t mention it anymore, lol, because that’s not the case at ALL. Being totally satisfied sometimes just makes me want to relive it. Sure there are times I masturbated after unsatisfactory sex too (like with the ex) but in those cases it was just to get off at all.

Actually, I masturbated earlier today, twice. Once in the shower and right after that with my toy. I guess I’m just a total horn dog, lol. What can I say? I’m not ovulating either. In fact I had light spotting this morning that indicates my period is gonna start up early. Makes sense since I’ve been an emotional wreck the past couple of days and crying a lot. I feel a lot better now though, after seeing the Professor. Sex is a good cure all. 😉

Speaking of sex and cures, the Professor does NOT have prostate cancer (yay!!!) but he does have an inflamed prostate and they don’t know why. He still has some pain and they’ve got him on a special sort of antibiotic that he’s been taking for over a month now. It causes him to be tired and have some not so great side effects, like joint pain, so hopefully he will be over with it soon and the swelling will have been reduced. I guess they just don’t know what causes that but guys get it sometimes. I was reading up a bit about it though and besides things like warm baths they suggest cumming a lot as a remedy, lol. I routinely tease him about this and tell him that’s the prescription from Dr. Lovergirl. 😉 However, I’m glad that’s not what I accidentally texted to the ex!! OMG. Facepalm!! lol

When men don’t want sex

I know I have a high sex drive. Supposedly men love it when a woman likes to have sex all the time. Supposedly. That’s what they say, that’s what society tells us. Men are eternally horny and never want to do anything but fuck, right? That’s all they think about, right? I kind of wish that were true.

More than once in my life I have been in a position where I felt like I was the one wanting more sex than the male I was sleeping with. Most notable was the discrepancy in my marriage. I was married for 13 years to a man that showed virtually no sexual interest in me. It cut me to the core and made me question myself a lot and wonder what I was doing wrong.

I’ll never forget the day, while we were still newlyweds, when I got all dressed up in my sexiest lingerie, thigh highs, and heels, fixed my hair and makeup and waited to surprise him at the door upon his arrival home from work. I was barely 21 years old, with a near perfect figure from working out daily and never having had children. 5’6”, 110 lbs, but I still had curves, plus a perfectly flat stomach, the envy of every girl I knew. Yet my husband took one look at me, pushed past and announced that he had a headache and was going to bed. I was crushed. 😦 I sat in the living room alone in the dark, tears streaming down my face, wondering what it was about me that he didn’t want.

Our wedding night hadn’t gone any better. I was eager with the anticipation of sleeping together, finally, after having taken a year and a half break from sex due to his “rededication to Christ”. Yet when I tried to initiate a makeout he turned me down. I didn’t understand why and it brought me to tears. That time he had tried to offer comfort, then said he just “couldn’t do that to me” when I was so upset. What? I WANTED to have sex! Do what?? Nevertheless we didn’t sleep together that night, or most of the nights on our honeymoon, though we did finally consummate the marriage.

The scenes repeated each other over and over in various ways throughout the years. I would try every way I could think of to get him to sleep with me, to no avail. Even on our anniversaries at hotels he would roll over and fall asleep, leaving me sad and lonely, wondering if other couples had that problem or it was just me. We had sex occasionally, and even had children, but it was so infrequent. I’d ask him how it could possibly be enough for him and he said he was plenty satisfied with our sexual relationship, I should be more focused on spiritual things and not make such a big deal about sex.

I tried waiting until he initiated, but it never happened. That time we went almost an entire year without sex at all. He didn’t appear to be having an affair. He was busy with work and school but even during times he was laid off from work nothing happened. I’d try and try to talk to him about it. Was there something he wanted me to do differently? I couldn’t get any real answers from him, he claimed to be satisfied and that he really didn’t need that much sex. I was so disappointed, not only in him but in myself for not being able to arouse his passion. He swore up and down he was not gay and became angry with me for asking. He shamed me for wanting so much sex, like it wasn’t normal for a woman to be that way.

After my divorce I was finally free to enjoy sex again! With whomever I pleased and from reading my blog you can see I do just that. 😉 However I have come across more than one situation where it seems my sex drive is still higher than the men around me. I’m talking about men I have already developed a sexual relationship with, and slept with on more than one occasion. I’ve also come across some interesting guys while dating and meeting people online that have lead me to believe my interest in sex is greater than theirs. It leads me to wonder if men aren’t the ones with the lower sex drives after all. Maybe it’s my age (mid- thirties) or the age of the men? Or maybe men are really just putting on a show. Sure, they are easier to turn on and don’t need the warm up time that a woman does, but when push comes to shove, I’m not so sure they aren’t the ones wanting to “just cuddle” more often!

I came across a blog recently where a woman was complaining that she had been invited for dinner to a man’s house that she had previously enjoyed great sex with. Upon drinking a glass or two of wine that he provided he announced he didn’t want to have sex because he was in a relationship now with a new woman. WTF? Why would you invite someone over just to turn them down? Yes, I’ve heard of women doing this nonsense, but men? If we believed the media we’d believe they can have sex with just about any female and and are uncontrollable in their desire to do so. Standard evolutionary theories claim men need to “spread their seed” and can’t help the desire to fuck, while women aren’t so inclined. Please.

Counseling books and marriage manuals tell women over and over how they need to satisfy their husband sexually and look good for him and that will keep him happy. The Christian ones are the worst, but don’t get me started. I tried so hard to do that for my ex- husband to no avail. You can lead a guy to the pussy, but you can’t make him fuck it, lol.

I’ve discovered, over online dating, that there are some men who enjoy getting off to a woman’s voice or pictures or flirty, sexual, texts but have no desire to actually sleep with you. That’s just too much work, apparently. Or else they are married and living that little fantasy in their mind is their escape and they don’t want to get caught so they continue on without ACTUALLY doing anything. It’s not just women that play these kinds of games! I had one guy call me on the phone and basically use me for phone sex! He started asking me questions and I had kids nearby so I couldn’t really answer. He told me just to say yes or no because he was so turned on by my sexy voice and started asking what position I liked and other sexual things and was getting really excited by my answers. He’d be like “that is so fucking hot” and all I’d say was yes or no and okay. Then it suddenly became apparent he was through jacking off and he hung up the phone. So much for our date that night! It didn’t happen. Seriously, he got his over the phone. Dork.

Even the married guys I have been involved with sexually do similar things. Sometimes they will actually get together for sex but others it seems they are more interested in fantasy encounters. I don’t have time for that, I want the real thing. Screw phone sex!! LOL I haven’t had webcam sex yet, but I hear that’s pretty popular these days. Ugh. I can masturbate by myself. I want ACTUAL SEX, dammit!!

Then there is the Professor. He lives within 15 minutes of my house and the sex is FANTASTIC. I know he likes me. He even buys me little things from time to time and is really sweet. I know he likes the sex, but sometimes he complains of being tired. He’s only in his early forties but you’d think by the way he talks that he was 80. He’s not sleeping with other women that frequently either so it makes me wonder that he doesn’t seem to want it more often. Don’t get me wrong, I see him maybe once or twice a week for sex and that is great, but I’m puzzled sometimes by his behavior. Like the other day he said he wanted me to come over but he didn’t want to sleep together. WTF?

I was kind of angry and annoyed, to be honest. I didn’t want to be too demanding, because he said he was tired and not feeling that great but I asked if he really thought we should see each other then and he said yes. I reluctantly agreed to come over. I dressed cute even though he said “don’t dress up” and had every intention of seducing him to have sex with me though (which I did). I think his actual original plan was just to cuddle on the couch. I really didn’t want to do that and he was like “you are so bad” when I started teasing him. Total role reversal, but come on!! When we finally went back into his bedroom I was like “c’mon just the tip” in a joking way and he laughed and was like “yeah right”. SMFH

He’s not the only one either. My FWB guy comes over here and stays the whole weekend and sometimes he only wants to have sex like once or twice the entire time! He’d rather hang out and be with me and have sex a little bit. Now, I’m not knocking guys when they can’t get hard immediately after round one but I admit I like it when they can go again and again. Still sometimes they act like “all you ever want is sex” to me. :p Is that bad?

I have to wonder if men really want what they say. They are all about “I want a lady on the street and a freak in the sheets” but when they actually get it sometimes they try to dial you back and make you feel bad for your desire for more. I’ve had guys say things like “you don’t have to be so sexual all the time, we should go out more and just do things together”. Or “talk to me more about other stuff, not just sex” and actually “are you using me for sex?” (No, really, a guy has actually asked me that, then tried to play it off like he was joking later). I don’t mind spending non sexual time with guys I like, at all, it just strikes me as funny when they say stuff like that, lol.

So who REALLY has the higher sex drive and needs? Men or women? Does this change when you are in a poly relationship versus a monogamous one? Could it be because sex is often more physical work and more demanding for men to participate in? Is masturbation just easier and less pressure? Would love to read your thoughts!