Tag Archive | sex

Hello from the other side…

Wow, it’s been over a year since I’ve written in this blog! I’ve become that blogger I never wanted to be, the one that just drifts off and disappears and doesn’t continue their writing. Sorry folks, I still love you. My life has just taken me in a different direction for the time being.

It took me forever to get over the Cohort, but I think I’m finally there. I got there by throwing myself wholeheartedly into my work and pushing him out of my mind for a good long time. Boy, did I work too! I worked my way right up the ladder through a couple of promotions and I’m in a pretty good place now. Just call me the Boss. 😉

I love the freedom and flexibility and ability I have, to be creative within my work. It’s perfect for me. MY boss lets me have a pretty much unlimited budget to do whatever I want, so long as I’m making the company money. I do whatever I want with my schedule, which is right up my alley because I don’t keep “normal” working hours. Plus, I love sales and talking to people, it’s something I’ve always been good at.

Not to say it’s all peaches and roses, but I can honestly say I enjoy it. I even like the business trips, despite the fact, that I haven’t gotten laid on one yet. Someday. That’s definitely on my bucket list.

What hasn’t changed, surprisingly, is the men that I am sleeping with. It’s pretty much the exact same people as before. Not that there haven’t been some exciting times, or that I haven’t met any new people but I just haven’t gone on to sleep with many of them. Let me give you the rundown of what’s happened with the old crew.

Radioman- remember him? Remember how he pretty much ditched me for another woman? Ugh. Well, I wouldn’t talk to him for 8 months and I blocked him from my phone, but he didn’t give up trying. When I got a new phone, there he was, texting me again and I finally responded. He was super apologetic and claimed he’d come to the realization that he actually had feelings for me. Yeah, it was a load of B.S. but we did start sleeping together again. I just didn’t get attached this time. The sex was fun and we were back to seeing each other regularly, but I didn’t see him TOO often and he was acting all clingy and like he wanted something long term. He showed his true colors though, recently.

I got into a car accident, which was pretty serious, though thank God I am still alive. Let’s just say his level of support has been seriously disappointing. He is definitely not the man for me and at this point I’m leery of even sleeping with him again. Not that he’s not attempting to get back in my good graces. Again. Same story, different year.

The CEO is still around. We still see each other infrequently due to all his travelling, but the sex is still hot. He still goes for anal almost every time and it still hurts me but we keep trying lol. He did finally take me to his condo once and I’m not sure what to think. Was I wrong about him having a wife? Did she leave him? Was she just gone somewhere? I’m really not sure. Every other time has been in nice hotels.

The Married Man is still the longest standing guy in my life. Funny how he was originally supposed to be a one night stand. He told me some interesting things about his sex life recently and how he’s been sleeping with the same group of women for a long time, some of them for up to as long as 10 years, which is longer than he has been married. Hmmm… sounds kind of familiar though. I wonder how many people in this world actually operate that way?

I guess one of these women is basically his sex slave and super submissive to him. The things he has told me are things I could never do, at least not with him. He said if he tells her to leave work and come out and talk to him and bring him her panties she will and she does all these other things he demands. Outside of the bedroom, his pushiness and demanding behavior at times drives me nuts as it is. Plus, you couldn’t pay me enough to jeopardize my work.

Okay, there was one time, well twice, that I slept with a guy that I had work connections with. He was a manager elsewhere, married and it was pretty iffy. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. He is no longer with that company though. A little risky for sure, and definitely not worth it because he came in about 30 seconds, both times. I’ve avoided him since.

Anyway, back to the Married Man. We did have a really hot little rendezvous in his office one night, right after his father passed away. What is it about men and funerals and death? It actually seems to amp up their sex drive.

He called me saying he NEEDED to be with me that night and it was a bit scary but fun. He works in this big office building and shared an office with his father. I’m not sure whose office we actually had sex in but it was night time and we were first in a big meeting room with a table and later in a smaller office. I was a tad paranoid because my own office is full of video cameras that the boss can pull up on his phone, but I guess his is not. It was hot and my first office sex experience.

Then there’s the Pilot. We’ve had sex again, not too long ago. He was up here for something and got a hotel. With him the encounters are still random.

I ran into the Host recently. He lives even closer to me than before, now that I’ve bought a house. He’s married now but has the freedom to play if he wants, according to him. Just no more swinger parties at the house because his wife doesn’t want that. We haven’t had sex lately but it’s still a possibility. He tried to get me to come over a few times recently but I was busy.

Mr. Firm and I still communicate via text from time to time. He’s not been actively swinging as much either due to things going on in his life and we haven’t had sex in a long time. I think someday we will again.

Remember the car salesman/high school friend that I had sex with after that funeral? He and I have been in contact again, though we haven’t had sex…yet. The sexual tension is definitely strong between us. I’m just not sure if it’s going to go anywhere because he is dating a girl that we also went to school with and who I am friends with.

They started dating a month or so after he had tried to get ME to date him. She’s the one that was at the funeral that I said I was surprised was friendly because I didn’t think she liked me prior to that. We’ve been friendly since though we have never been close. They seemed happy though and I was happy for them when they started posting a million relationshippy things all over Facebook.

Anyway, a few months ago I went to him because I needed a new car and he had promised to get me a good deal. To doubly ensure that, I brought along a guy I work with, who also used to sell used cars. Oh boy. The Salesman was NOT happy about that and you could see it all over his face. He really gave my work friend the cold shoulder.

He was sweet to me but cold as hell to work-guy. The guy even commented that he didn’t seem to like him and asked me if it was because he was trying to date me. I said I didn’t think so because he has a girlfriend. Then we went to pick up a female co-worker on our test drive and SHE also later commented that he seemed to like me. He was nice to her, but he didn’t hit on her at all which is unusual because most men do!

Anyhow, the next day he came to a ball game that I was at with the female co-worker. I had told him he could have free tickets because we have a ton of them and he brought his girlfriend. She commented that maybe he brought her to make me jealous, lol. She doesn’t even know I have slept with him. It’s just the way he acts. The first thing he did was come over and give me a huge hug, right in front of his girlfriend.

He came again to another game about a week later, also with his girlfriend. This time she and I were talking and he was just STARING at me the whole time. Like, really staring hard. I looked up one time and it completely broke my concentration on the conversation with his girl because he was staring in my eyes and I had to look away. The girlfriend was friendly but it’s hard to say what was really on her mind. She even told me how cute I looked, but I know women can be fake.

He’s been liking and hearting a lot of my stuff on Facebook and I wondered how she felt about that and noticed they are no longer friends on there. That seems odd. I know they used to be because they would post pics together.
Anyhow, I had to go to the dealership once with a nail in my tire and he had it fixed. He was in the middle of a sale but came over to me and said next time to let him know before I come in because he really wanted to be able to give me more attention.

Then another time I came in to get my title and he took me to get my complimentary free tank of gas. He must have told me 5 times how good I looked and he kept complimenting me. I think he hugged me at least 3 times. He said he still owed me a detail and I questioned how long I would have to sit while they did that. He said 45 minutes “unless you want me to take you out”. I just looked at him and didn’t comment.

So, here’s the thing. I actually majorly have the hots for him this time around. I don’t know why, I can’t even really remember what the sex was like the first time and I blew him off after. I think I’m doing a pretty good job of playing it cool but for whatever reason I’m really turned on by the idea of sleeping with him again.

I kind of think it has to do with the sort of jealous/possessive way he acted when that guy was around. It’s like it flipped a switch in me that I just can’t turn off. Something about male possessiveness towards me, no matter how much I complain about it, really gets me going. I want to fuck him really bad but I can’t make it obvious.

Also, he actually is a really good guy and part of me wishes I’d thought more about being with him when he asked but I was still hung up on the Cohort and worried about the red flags. Now I’m kind of crushing hard… he’s just got all this drive at his job too and I love guys like that because they are like me.

The thing is, it would be super scandalous because I know his girlfriend. The three of us have a zillion mutual friends. That is definitely something I wouldn’t want word getting out about and he can’t seem to stop himself from bragging to everyone in sight every time he talks to me. He even put me on the phone with one of the guys I used to have threesomes with just to tell him I was there at the dealership last time.

I’m going to have to go back to him again soon because the car I bought was totaled and I need a new one. I guess what happens next is left to be seen….. 😉

Fucking and funerals don’t mix…or do they?

nakedcoffin

Is it shameful to fuck someone after a funeral of a dear friend? What if the guy you slept with was someone she was having sex with before she died? Totally inappropriate? Who would do something like that anyway? I guess, me.

Now I am not 100% sure they were sleeping together, but I’m going to say it’s a good possibility. I know they were spending a lot of time together the past several months and according to him they went out to a concert for his birthday. He was also pretty torn up about the whole thing, and told me he had cried over her and taken off work for a week. Apparently though, he was a-okay with taking home an old friend for some hanky-panky afterwards. It remains to be seen whether or not this was a one night stand. Maybe we can chalk it up as comforting each other…right? Got any other excuses for me? :p

Let me explain how it all went down. Some of you may remember reading about this particular friend of mine because I wrote about her when I first met the Cohort. I hadn’t seen her in years, but he had met her right before he met me, through his ex girlfriend that I went to school with.

Back in the day, as teenagers, we were thick as thieves. We got into ALL sorts of trouble together. She was hilarious, always making side comments to me about the various people we came across at parties and how they were dressed or were acting. This girl could steal anything, and while that may not be a great talent to have, I’ve got to admit it was pretty impressive!

When we were young and wild and free, we would caravan from party to party with carloads of people and she always knew how to live it up! Whether we were sneaking into the neighborhood pool late at night for a skinny dip or crawling through the window of her first car because the door wouldn’t open, we were always having a good time. In some ways, her family was like mine. Her mom was a drug addict and her dad was homeless, we ran into him one day when we were volunteering at a soup kitchen and she hadn’t seen him in months. He didn’t even show up at the funeral, pretty sad.

Anyway, she was a beautiful, tall, slender, dark skinned black girl. She used to dye her hair with blue kool-aid to give it a so-black-it’s-blue sheen and was always a fashion queen. Well, unless we were at Walmart in the middle of the day- then she had no problem going in her pjs and slippers- way before it was cool, lol. Going out at night though, she was always dressed to the 9’s.

She died unexpectedly and I had no idea she was even sick. She was on my Facebook page and we had talked a few times throughout the years about getting together, but never followed through. I learned about it when the Cohort’s ex girlfriend (that worked with her) put up a go-fund-me page for her children. Devastatingly sad, especially since I know in recent years she had really put forth effort to get her life together.

The Cohort’s ex- well, that’s another story. I don’t know her personally, just knew who she was since she went to my school, but apparently he told her about me. I had no idea and didn’t want to rock the boat, so hadn’t said a thing to her at the funeral. I didn’t know until after that they had talked and he had shown her my Facebook page and she said she didn’t remember me. Awkward!

I had actually gone to the funeral alone and was a little worried that I wouldn’t know people or they wouldn’t recognize me. It had been so long since I have seen so many of the people I ran around with back in the day. Not to mention I was one of the only white people there, minus the Cohort’s ex and what looked to be her dad, plus maybe one or two others. I would definitely stand out.

Thankfully, the minute I walked in the door I was bombarded with hugs, first by the guy I am about to tell you all about and then by a group of girls that I used to run with. They said they had just been talking about me! It was funny, because there WERE some people I knew that barely recognized me, but there were others that remembered me and I couldn’t tell you for the life of me who they were, even after they identified themselves. Even one girl I thought didn’t like me, was super friendly. Whew!

One of the girls that had been super tight with my friend and I invited me back to her table and we got a chance to talk and reminisce a little bit. The whole function was supposed to be more of a joyful celebration of life than sadness, as her body had already been cremated and everyone wanted to remember the good stuff. No funeral clothing allowed and there was a DJ (also an old friend- he says I look like I am still 18, lol) and dancing and a bar.

So anyway, the guy. He was an old friend of mine, but we had never had sex. I’m really not sure why, as I am pretty sure I was banging most of his friends and he’s always been nice looking. He was on the football team and I vaguely remember him being pretty well known for that- he played on some international team in Australia and got paid for it when we were older. He’s got a stocky muscular build and I thought was shorter than me back when, but he’s not anymore.

He’s been on my Facebook and I had recently seen that he was at the same concert I went to with the Boring guy. He had to have been sitting almost just behind me because we both posted videos and you could see some of the same people in them. I had commented on one of his posts that I was there too!

Also, one of the guys I talked to off Tinder (but never met up with) is someone that worked with him. The guy had seen that we were mutual friends and asked him about me. So first thing when I walked in the door, he gave me a big hug and said his friend had told him we talked and that he had told the guy I was a “good girl”.

Yeah…I’m not so sure about that, haha, as I’m sure he has to remember some of my escapades- I’m pretty sure he was there WATCHING me fuck a couple of other guys on a picnic table once at the park and another time that we had snuck into a swimming pool locker room late at night. He was pretty good friends with the two guys I wrote about having threesomes with all the time- they both played on the football team with him. I swear I didn’t do the whole football team, lol, I mean, I didn’t do him, right? 😉

Seriously though, I still can’t figure out why I didn’t fuck him. He claims he had a huge crush on me but kept quiet about it and that he has wanted me for 20 years. I’m guessing that’s a smooth line he’s using on all the women these days, but who knows? He was definitely running around with the crew, though he says he was in a group home at the time (which I never knew) so maybe that helped keep him out of some of the stuff we were getting into. I know he was no angel either though.

We didn’t hang out a lot after that initial talk at the funeral, but when I walked out to my vehicle 3 hours later, he was also getting ready to leave. He came up to talk and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. We exchanged numbers and I agreed to meet him up closer to the city, since we both live up here now.

He was making me laugh as we drove off from the funeral because he was pulling up next to me in his BMW, pretending to hit on me with the windows down. He was like “hey baby, what’s your name?” every time we hit a stoplight or he passed by.

I met him back at his house first, because he wanted to drive together (nice play, haha). I was a little surprised that it wasn’t as nice as I thought, considering the area where he lives and that I know he has a good job at a car dealership. He said he owns the home, but it is a duplex and he lives with his autistic cousin. According to him he has a few other houses as well, that he “used” to use for nefarious purposes, but that he is not doing that now.

He answered the door in his boxers and apologized for it (yeah right, lol). He was surprised that I don’t smoke pot anymore (clearly he still does) but got dressed and took me out to a nice place for Thai food. He warned me that the staff might be super happy to see him and sure enough the hostess was all excited but looked embarrassed for my sake, and apologized to me, thinking I was his girlfriend.

I really didn’t care, but she seemed to feel it was awkward. Actually, he had ASKED me in the car if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I was kind of taken aback because it seemed so soon but he says he feels like we have known each other forever so its really not that weird. I said “maybe” but that I didn’t want to commit to anything yet and he said that’s fine, we could be friends too but he hopes I will change my mind.

Over dinner and drinks he told me about how he has tons of money now and spends a lot of time traveling. He claimed he wants to take me, and maybe my kids, on vacations with him. He said “Daddy’s ballin now baby, I can get you whatever you want”. He even offered to get me a new car, since he goes to auctions all the time and said that I wouldn’t have to pay him back. Yeah, he was promising the moon and stars, lol. 😉

We stopped by a liquor store on the way back and grabbed some wine. He drove super fast and parked in the handicapped space. He said he never gets tickets because the police all know who he is. The full moon was out and he made a comment about it being a blue moon. I made a comment about our outing being “once in a blue moon” and he begged me for it not to be that. He asked me to please say I will keep seeing him!

When we got back to the house and had drinks, it wasn’t long before he was trying to get on top of me. Only, I was really trying NOT to fuck him that night. I was on the tail end of my period and hadn’t shaved for like 2 days. It wasn’t that bad, but I hadn’t been planning to have sex.

So it ended up being kind of like high school all over again. He’s on me on the couch and saying things like “I won’t put it in, I promise, I’ll just rub NEXT to it”. Yeah, we all know how that ends, sort of like “I’ll just put in the tip baby, that’s it”. I put up a bit of a protest, but we eventually got to it. At one point, before we actually had sex, I could see his roommate was peeking through the door, so we got up and went to his bedroom.

Afterwards, I had to get home but he kept saying he wanted me to stay and trying to get me to promise to come back. We will see if he really means all that though, I’ve only heard from him a couple of times since, and it has been short. I wonder if it really was a blue moon, post funeral, pump and dump. Only time will tell.

He had mentioned that he was going to this housewarming party for another friend of ours later in the week. This guy happens to be one of the ones I used to have threesomes with and he lives just down the road from him, but is apparently married now. He was joking about bringing me along as his date and seeing everyone’s reaction. He didn’t mention it again though and I saw pics of it all on Facebook- there were a lot of people I knew there. I’m sure some of them will hear about our rendezvous…just like in high school, lol. 😉 :p

Sex in front of a stranger

ir couple
(No, that’s not us, it’s a random pic I found online 😉 )

So I finally had sex with someone other than the Cohort again. Actually, it’s been two people. I went on a date with someone new too, but that was sort of a disaster.

In any case, one of those people was the Host. I was super horny and had just seen the Cohort the day before. I was practically climbing the walls that day and we’d had sex like 8 times in a row. It was wonderful. But I didn’t want to ask him AGAIN.

I wasn’t trying to bother him or pressure him to sleep with me if he wasn’t the one inviting me over, especially not two days in a row. Sometimes I think my sexual needs would be too demanding for any guy to keep up with.

Like 6 other guys hit me up that day. I knew I was probably ovulating and it was funny to me that all these men were hitting me up out of the blue. You know how an animal in heat can send off signals for miles away for the males to pick up on? That’s what I felt like, lol.

Since I’m not on birth control I thought the Host, with his vasectomy, plus living close by, would be a wiser choice. He could give me what I was really craving, someone to cum inside of me, without actually having to worry about pregnancy.

His kids are in town for the summer, so he invited me to come over after they fell asleep. We fucked on his bed and it was relatively unemotional and quick, but hey I got what I wanted. He even made a comment to that effect, which was funny because I’d never said anything. I guess it was obvious.

He apologized for cumming so quickly and claimed he hadn’t had sex with anyone else since me, which was a couple of months ago. I said you have got to be kidding me, not even at the swinger parties? He said no. He’d worried me a little bit because he was biting on my neck and I really didn’t want him to leave any hickies. Thankfully that was okay. He asked some about the Cohort but not too extensively. Then I left. LOL

My other sexual experience was a little more interesting. The Married Man and I fucked in front of a random guy we met off Craigslist.

He’d been hitting me up every day for a long time and I kept turning him down. Not that I don’t love sex with the Married Man, but he was wanting to meet in a parking garage and that just didn’t sound appealing. I kept thinking, why the hell can’t he just get a freaking hotel?

In any case, he finally asked if I wanted him to stop contacting me and I said NO, and admitted the parking garage thing wasn’t floating my boat. So he put up a Craigslist ad asking if anyone wanted to watch in exchange for a place for us to fuck.

I’m not kidding, it was like 10 minutes later that he contacted me with an address of where we should go. I have no idea what he put in the ad, because he took it down almost immediately, after saying he got like 20 responses.

One of them apparently offered him $200 to watch us too but he wasn’t responding back quickly enough to emails and we were pressed for time. It was like 2pm on a weekday. I guess there are tons of guys looking for some live porn at that time, ha!

He promised that the person he chose seemed normal and not weird looking and sent me a picture. The address was less than 20 min from my house. The picture was a stark naked blonde guy with a hard dick. I’m like okay….I guess I will meet you.

I got there before the Married Man, which made me a little nervous. The house was nice enough looking, with a decent car in the driveway, but it was just around the corner from some of the worst neighborhoods in the city, literally. I was driving through those to get there, wondering what I was getting myself into. I parked a couple of houses down, on the other side of the street, to wait.

The Married Man pulled up a few minutes later and we got out of our cars. He looked bigger and taller than I’d remembered (for some reason he always does) and he said I looked like I’d been working out (true!). As we approached the front door, he asked if I was nervous.

I admitted I was a little, though it was decidedly less so now that he was there with me. Then the man opened the door. He seemed nice and reasonably normal. Actually, he was kind of cute. Not weird looking at all. Just an average, maybe 30 year old, blonde, blue eyed man.

There were cats in the house and some dirty dishes on the table but other than that it was decently clean. You could hear dogs barking in a bedroom and he said they were his rescue pit bull puppies, not to worry, he’d keep them in there. Almost immediately, he led us up the stairs.

There was his bed, unmade, but it didn’t look dirty and some laundry laying on the floor. I looked around but no sign of cameras and the Married Man asked. The guy assured us there would be no pictures, he just wanted to watch. He stood at the end of the bed, near the entrance to a bathroom.

The Married Man quickly pulled me to the side of the bed, kissing me hard and starting to remove my sundress. He was ready to rip the thing off but I had to stop him so I could untie the back, lol. He was biting my neck, and pushed me down on the bed, yanking off my panties. I was naked before I really had any time to think about it.

He motioned to me to come over and suck his dick. He wasn’t hard yet and I briefly worried that he wasn’t going to be able to get it up in this scenario, but thankfully that wasn’t a problem. 😉 The man continued to watch as he pulled me over to the side of the bed to lick my pussy.

From there, he made me turn so that the man could get a better view of between my legs as he climbed on top of me for a 69. Soon after, he flipped me to the side and entered me missionary style. He kissed me and whispered in my ear “are you okay?” I said yes.

Then he went to town, fucking me all kinds of ways. I could tell he was enjoying showing off. He was pulling my hair in doggy style and had me in another position where my hips were way up in the air, and my head was barely touching the bed, so my body was completely splayed out for the other guy to see. I can’t even remember all of what we did but, as usual, it was good.

I almost forgot about the other man for a minute, but I could hear him fapping away and glanced over once or twice to see him stroking his cock. At one point the Married Man whispered to me “do you want him to join?” and I said no. It was a split second decision but maybe I should have said yes, lol.

He went back to ramming me hard, making me scream and cum again and again. Every once in awhile he’d slow down and kiss me. Then suddenly he pulled out and stuck his dick in my mouth, forcing my head onto it while he came. I was practically gagging on cum and he said to the guy “I didn’t want to get it on your bed”. LOL

He asked “did you enjoy the show?” and the man said “yes, very much”. He invited us to come back should we ever need a place to fuck again. I saw him duck into the bathroom to wash the cum off his hands. We dressed quickly and he ushered us down the steps.

The Married Man hugged me goodbye and asked how I was doing, saying he knew the guy would be normal once he saw the house and car. I said I was good but he wasn’t sure because he called a little bit later wanting to check in. I was at the gas station by then and he texted too. I assured him that I had fun and was totally fine and he said he did too. I wonder why he was so worried? lol

Quick version of my date gone bad: I met this man off the swinger site, a white guy. He mislead me by showing me a picture that was probably 30 years old (or maybe his son?) and told me he used to play pro football. In the picture “he” and two other guys were in the local professional football team jerseys.

Yeah, he was full of it. In person he looked at least 65 and said he’d retired last year (so 66?) from teaching and coaching a high school team. He said he briefly played semi pro basketball in another state, years ago. Yeah…

Anyway, the guy tried to coerce me into doing sexual things by making bets with me over a game of pool. He said if I got the ball in 3 times in a row he’d give me $100 but if he got it in I “owed” him a blow job. Of course he did and I was dreading following through.

I got in this vehicle very briefly and he whipped out his dick but I couldn’t do it. It looked slimy and gross. Plus, he had tried to get me to get in the back of his SUV, which had some sort of a leopard skin rug laying across the back with pillows. It creeped me out. :p So much for that. He tried to text afterwards, apologizing for making mistakes, claiming he hadn’t been on a date in 3 years. I finally told him I’m just not interested.

I haven’t told the Cohort yet that I have slept with anyone else. I may or may not. So far I’ve been able to answer any questions he has asked, honestly, without revealing it. I know logically that he doesn’t have the “right” to be upset or anything but I am still a little worried how he would react. I feel mildly guilty even though I really shouldn’t.

He may not care at all and it may just be me being silly. I really do like him and I don’t want to rock the boat. I won’t lie though if it comes up. I’ve noticed he’s not talking about his exploits as often lately either. I kind of prefer when he tells me, so I don’t know. I guess we will see what happens.

Some Cohort Confusion

noteating_Large

Remember how I said things seemed to be heading towards more serious with the Cohort? Apparently he thought so too. In fact, he wanted to bring up a “discussion” about it. Sigh…

It was his idea to talk about this. He admitted that I had never given any real indication that I thought the relationship needed to go anywhere. He now says he regrets even bringing it up, that it was probably too soon and that he did so because HE was starting to feel emotions that made him think about me in that light.

Okay, but what he wanted to SAY was that he DOESN’T want the relationship to go anywhere. He said he’d been thinking about it and he just can’t handle it. He’s not ready to take on my kids or sure he could handle the whole swinger thing with someone he considered his “girl”.

He gave me some speech about how he thinks I am every bit WORTH all of that but he doesn’t think he can handle it. Then he said, who knows, he may change his mind later, he just didn’t want that expectation. THAT kind of pissed me off. I was like don’t do that to me. Don’t give me this talk about how you don’t want that then try to give me hope that things might change.

Anyhow, the whole discussion was REALLY upsetting. Mainly because I had never seriously allowed myself to even THINK like THAT. Not about him, not about anyone at all, since my divorce. I just assume most men are not going to want that kind of serious with me, due to the kids and general circumstances. Its a lot to take on. I don’t expect that at all, from anyone.

He brought all this up and made me think about things I don’t even allow myself to think about because I am too afraid to hope for it. It freaking CRUSHED me, to have him bring it up and dangle the thoughts in front of my face then turn around and be like, we can never have this because of the situation.

It’s not that I don’t understand. I do. I know all too well that it’s highly unlikely that most decent men would consider doing the family thing or anything close to marriage with me. I’m not saying this because I don’t think I am personally worth it, but because I have more than the average number of children and I know its a huge responsibility, both emotionally and financially, for anyone to consider.

Why did he bring this up?? He says it was because he’s been thinking about it a lot. That basically we’ve been behaving like we are already in a relationship, that he was seeing me as someone he could have a future with, because I’m like everything he wants in a woman, otherwise. Then he got to thinking about how we met (Craigslist! And the swinger site) and the whole swinger thing too and that kind of bothered him as well.

OUCH. 😦 The whole discussion just about killed me. I was crying over it for a couple of days. 😦 He said he felt really shitty even bringing it up because I’d never asked for or demanded anything of him relationship wise. He said he just wanted to be sure to remind us BOTH that its “just FWB”.

I felt like I was being rejected/dumped but he swears up and down that was not his intent. He says he would ideally like to keep everything we have the same. He still wants to hang out, have sex, go out to dinner or swingers parties, spend time together and have me help him with his business. All this, but without the expectation of “more”.

What’s funny is it’s not like I really EXPECTED that anyway. I would have been on cloud 9, yes, if he’d said he wanted that with me, but I’d never have dreamt of ASKING for it if he hadn’t said anything himself. Ugh. Just a bad thing to bring up, especially right before I started my period.

It made it even worse that he made a comment about how if he ever DID get into a serious relationship, it would be with someone like me. He said probably someone he just happened to meet, at a bar, on the swinger site, Craigslist or somewhere like that. I’m like nice, so now I have to worry about that happening at any time? Before I felt confident that he was really into me, but that kind of ripped it out from under my feet.

Emotionally I was a wreck. I was seriously considering having nothing to do with him again and decided not to go to this weekend long swinger party at the lake we had planned on. How could I in that state of mind? I’d suddenly feel threatened by other women and insecure, which would make it a bad experience for the both of us.

Actually, if he’d gone down by himself, at that point, I couldn’t have handled it either. I wouldn’t have been able to forgive him for making me feel like crap and then just walking away to go have fun and fuck other people, someplace we’d planned to go together, without making things right first. I would feel abandoned, whether or not it was reasonable.

I told him how I felt and that I wasn’t demanding he stay back or anything, he was free to do what he wants, but this is how it is affecting me. He said he would take that into consideration, and ultimately he decided to stay Friday night. He would probably go down to the lake Saturday, but he wanted to give us a chance to make up first.

We talked and decided we were both on the same page still and okay with doing everything we have been doing and no expectations. Feelings are fine and bound to be there but it doesn’t have to “go anywhere”. We’d still be free to act the same way. Both of us were relieved and done with the “relationship talk” for the time being.

Then he asked me out. We went to a jazz bar and had a good time, followed by dinner at a late night greasy hamburger joint. He spent the night at my house and we had lots of good sex and lots of laughs. He asked if I would still like to go to the swinger party with him and I agreed to come along. 🙂

The next morning we had more sex and showered and got ready to go. We went shopping together for alcohol and food and stuff for the trip, then headed that way. We had good talks on the way down but mostly avoided the whole relationship thing.

At the party we had a good time. There was no one there I particularly wanted to fuck, though there were some guys I definitely did NOT want to fuck. We had known that ahead of time and discussed some things about it, so it was all good.

He slept with three women at the party, once each, but spent a lot more time with me. I think we had sex about 5 or 6 times there, plus the few the night before and a few times after we came back home. He even said after the first woman he slept with that it made him want to be with me even more for some reason.

He was a little perturbed when a couple of men busted in on him having sex with a woman in order to ask if they could have permission to fuck ME. LOL They hadn’t even said anything to me at that point, but wanted to ask HIM first. Its amazing to me sometimes how much more respect guys will show towards another man in that situation, yet they will get all pushy with the woman when she’s alone. These same guys, once he said it was up to me, were hounding me a bit but I chose not to go there, even though they were trying to argue me into it while he was in the other room.

I just wasn’t feeling any of the men there that night, even though several asked. Him having sex with others mostly didn’t bother me at all. The only time I got mildly upset was when he made a comment about not knowing if he would have “anything left” for me at the end of the night. It rubbed me the wrong way for a minute and he didn’t like my reaction but we remedied that fairly quickly and he did have plenty left over, lol. :p

Oh and then Mr. Motorcycle happened to show up. Eeek! That was awkward. He came and tried to lay a guilt trip on me, saying he couldn’t fuck anyone there because he didn’t think they were as beautiful as I was. That really wasn’t even true as all of the women there were at least somewhat attractive and I’d say some were prettier than I am, definitely with better bodies. I’m less than perfect after having had kids. :p

So whatever. He didn’t stay long at all and maybe it did have something to do with me. He claimed he’s been pining over me since I stopped talking to him and I really hope that was bullshit. I hate hurting people’s feelings but he definitely was not a good guy for me, and he lied a lot.

There was one point where the Cohort offered to have a threesome with me and another guy but the guy was getting ready to leave. He was a younger guy, it was his first party, but he was actually pretty good looking. It could have been fun…damn. Oh well. I was glad that the Cohort at least was considering it. That could say good things about future parties, for me.

He said afterwards that he was a little concerned I hadn’t played. Mainly “concerned” because he’s still not sure how or if he is going to be able to handle it. He kind of wants to see how it goes down and how much it will or won’t bother him.

He said he really liked having me there with him, that he enjoyed the companionship more than anything else. If he’d been there by himself he’d have spent a lot more time alone. We spent a lot of time talking and making out, especially late at night. We slept in a room with several beds and other couples and people watched us fucking a couple of the times, so it wasn’t like I didn’t do ANYTHING.

We drank and talked and socialized with people and he commented later that he likes how friendly I am. He was a little concerned that people would automatically assume we are a “couple” because of how publicly affectionate we were but then said he really didn’t mind if people thought that. Some women expressed concern that I might be upset with him sleeping with them alone, but I wasn’t, same as the guys who wanted to double check before even trying with me.

I actually went out of my way to leave him alone for a little bit here and there so he COULD have a chance to be with other people. I wasn’t trying to spoil his fun or be monopolizing him the entire time. He still sought me out and wanted a lot of sex with me, so that made me feel good. I walked by him having sex with some of the other people and it really didn’t bug me in the least. I didn’t have any desire to join in or anything and once a husband beckoned me to come over but I shook my head no because I didn’t want to fuck HIM.

Not that the guys there were bad or anything. Actually a couple of the white guys might have been fuckable. I didn’t go there this time but no saying if I would or wouldn’t sometime in the future. It was nice to see some white guys who were not just sitting there being cuckholds and were actually getting it in at a party like this though. I think my viewpoint is a little tainted with seeing a lot of that lately.

The single black men that were there (this was an “interracial party”, in case that wasn’t clear) were not ones I was personally interested in fucking (I might have gone there with the young guy who left early, but the age thing does get to me) but they were fun to talk to. The Cohort was kind of surprised, and like, but so and so has a big dick. I’m like yeah, but I’m more about the person first and the dick second.

I’m trying not to fuck guys I’m not really feeling. I guess I’m probably even more like that when there is someone I really DO like there. Like, is it worth it when there is a chance it could upset him and I’m not really that into this guy? Nahhh… Now if Mr. Firm had showed up…I would have fucked him. He wasn’t able to come because he was coaching a kids game. Damn shame… 😉 Maybe next time. 🙂

Anyhow, I’m still a bit confused with the Cohort. I really, really do like him. I kind of wish he’d never opened that can of worms because it makes me feel like I am missing something. For now though, I’m just going to try and enjoy what we have going and not think too heavily about it.

FMF Fail….

jealous woman

Meeting with this new guy, who calls himself “poly,” has been interesting. I finally met his “open” girlfriend, of 3 years. He asked me beforehand not to mention our little rendezvous at the casino, saying that she had been “depressed” at the time, so he didn’t think it was a good idea to tell her. Red flag? Probably, but I went along with it.

I’m thinking if there is any reason she might be bothered by this at all, then maybe it isn’t quite the scenario he made it out to be. According to him, she is perfectly fine with him fucking other women, though she chooses only to sleep with him. He said sometimes she even just likes to watch, and that she was eager to meet me.

We met at a Bob Evans for brunch. Mr. Poly and his girlfriend were already in the lobby, which was quite packed, and it looked like they may have been arguing. I was in a cute, but not especially revealing, sundress. I didn’t want to look too competitive. She was in jeans and a t-shirt, cute enough, but fairly plain looking, white, and obviously older than I am. She barely acknowledged me when I said hi, though he was friendly.

Because of the crowd, it was decided we would go elsewhere and it took driving to a couple of different places before we finally settled on an IHOP near my house. We all rode together in his SUV, with me sitting behind the two of them. They bickered a bit, like an old married couple, and I only interjected a few times, trying to be positive.

During the drive, I overheard a conversation between them that seemed to be about another woman he was seeing, someone he had mentioned to me before. Apparently, he had let her rent a house from someone he knows and she was supposed to be paying rent, but isn’t. The girlfriend was complaining about this woman calling her and that she didn’t want to be brought into whatever the issues were between the two of them. My red flag alarm sounded again.

We had a really sweet waitress but the woman seemed less than friendly towards her. She wasn’t awful or anything, just not super polite. Maybe it’s me, but I generally try to be nice to people that are serving me somewhere (and if I’m the one paying I make sure to leave a nice tip). She also cut her mouth somehow while eating her omelette and it was bleeding a bit, so that probably made her even more cranky. All in all, it wasn’t going that well.

We made small talk but it was a little awkward. The girlfriend, and Mr. Poly, are both from a richer area of the city, where they tend to be a bit snobbish. He didn’t seem bothered but she made a comment about not having ever been in this area, and seemed kinda uncomfortable with it. I really like it here. It’s pretty racially diverse and some people assume that means “ghetto,” even though it’s really not.

Anyhow, it was okay but I wasn’t thinking I would want to have sex with this woman. Nevertheless, he texted me later and told me that she liked me and thought I was sweet. Really? I couldn’t tell, but okay. Maybe she just seemed standoffish because she was nervous or something.

He really wanted us all to go out together and go dancing. He said he would be willing to pay for babysitting (and offered to pay about double the amount I said I would need) so I agreed to go out to a club. They were really talking this place up and it was funny because it is the same place the Pilot had driven me past previously and told me about.

According to the Pilot, this is sort of a “Lifestyle” club. When I mentioned it to the Cohort, he laughed and said it was an old people’s hangout. He says it’s where guys like them go to pick up easy, old, broads when they are hard up. Aha, well, at least he’s honest about it.

I met them there one evening later in the week. I couldn’t get out as early as planned, so they were drinking when I arrived. The girlfriend was a bit sloshed already. There was another guy with them, someone Mr. Poly had mentioned and his girlfriend had complained about over brunch. He’s a hard-up, recently divorced, and still depressed, friend of his. I was hoping it wasn’t a set up.

There was also a table of Mr. Poly’s work connections that he said he wasn’t expecting to see that night. I made sure to be on fairly good behavior and made a point of talking to the friend, even though there was no way in hell I would fuck him. Toward the end of the night I was actually letting Mr. Poly buy drinks for me and passing them to this guy, lol, because he said he was broke and no one ever buys drinks for him. I wasn’t trying to get trashed because I had to drive back later.

The girlfriend was a little more friendly, maybe? Not really though, she mostly was asking Mr. Poly to dance with her. He didn’t as often with me, but he did some, and told me when it was just the two of us that he had been researching me on the internet and found a wedding picture of me with my ex husband! I was kind of shocked that was even out there but found it myself later.

He commented on how good looking my ex husband was, as though he were surprised. I guess when I talk about him he doesn’t exactly sound hot, but I wasn’t attracted to him for no reason! LOL He is a nice looking guy, still, but I am not attracted to him at all whatsoever anymore. Six pack abs mean nothing when you act the way he does. At least I got some really cute kids out of the deal.

We drank and danced to some older music and I got asked to dance by some older men. Later in the night a guy showed up who was closer to my age, and visiting from out of town. He was an orthopedic surgeon and pretty cute, but short and a little too skinny for me. He looked about 21, but said he was 35.

We were standing at the bar and he was buying drinks when Mr. Poly appeared and pulled him aside. When he left, the guy told me “I just got the prom talk”. I was like WTF? He said he told him he’d better treat me well or he would be after him, or something to that effect. Um…okay. A couple minutes later the girlfriend showed up and invited us back over to the table with them.

The surgeon was like “looks like Mommy and Daddy don’t want you back here with me” and laughed, but we went over and they acted friendly. The girlfriend, probably at the suggestion of Mr. Poly, asked the surgeon to dance, but he later came back to me again. Meanwhile Mr. Poly said something about how I am “in the circle now” and that they would “take care of me” and make sure I am safe. Circle?

Okay, whatever. When I was dancing with the surgeon again, he was fingering me under my dress. We moved to the bar for more of the same and he unbuttoned his pants to slip my hand inside. He was like “I feel like we are in Mommy and Daddy’s basement all over again”.

Mr. Poly and the girlfriend decided it was time to leave and asked me if I was coming with them or the other guy. I didn’t want to be rude, and since he was paying my babysitting, of course I went back with them. He encouraged the surgeon to give me his number though and the guy texted to try to get me to come back to his hotel room. I never made it and he was heading back out of town the next morning. He did call later and say he will contact me if he comes back this way, maybe in a couple of months.

Mr. Poly said he was kind of surprised, but very pleased, that I had chosen to go back with the two of them. He thought I might leave for a younger guy, and was impressed that the man was a surgeon. He said “you did good”.

I rode with them back to a big, expensive looking, house, which turned out to be hers. When I asked him if it was his house he said “kinda” which left me wondering, but she told me inside that it belongs to her. Hmmmm…. On Mother’s Day, he said something about his kids coming home for the holiday, which left me wondering if he is actually lying about being divorced.

Anyhow, we went up to her bedroom. She seemed tired, drunk and grouchy and turned off the lights, then climbed under the blankets, covering her head. He kissed and made out with me a bit in the big master bathroom, in front of the mirror, while sliding off my dress and bra. Once I was standing there in just my thong panties, he beckoned me back to the bed.

He told me to get under the covers and was trying to get her to come out. She was behaving like a wife with a headache. So he slipped on a condom and started fucking me. It was okay, but awkward and uncomfortable, not knowing how she was going to react. I tried to pretend she wasn’t there.

After a bit, he pulled out and tried to coax her into fucking him again. She said something that sounded like she was accusing him of not wearing a condom with me and he argued that yes he did. She finally acquiesced, riding him, while he pulled me up close, playing with my nipple while his arm was around my shoulders. It felt weird.

At some point he slipped on another condom and wanted me to take a turn riding him. Then he pulled her onto his face, so the two of us were bumping boobs. It still felt awkward and she and I were kinda laughing. She got off after a bit and complained of being “tired” so he left her alone and wanted me to suck his dick.

He straddled my face for a little before he turned me around and did me doggystyle. We stopped after a little while and I’m pretty sure none of us got to cum. She still seemed annoyed and irritated and didn’t want to come along when he took me home, though she did hug me goodbye. She was just acting pissed at HIM and refused his overtures.

Ugh. I was hoping he and I could at least finish in the car. He made some jokes about doing that on the way back to my vehicle, but didn’t actually follow through. Ah well…. so much for that!

She texted the next morning and apologized, saying she was drunk and that he had told her she was being mean. She said she hopes we can be friends. I’m not so sure she really meant it.

Meanwhile, he obviously still likes me a lot. He has been contacting me frequently and wanting to talk, offering to do things for me, and saying he wants to see me again. There goes my second experience with FMF…. not much better than the first, lol. I’m thinking you need to have two women who are into it and into each other, as well as don’t feel threatened or jealous, and that just hasn’t happened with me yet.

I am so a city girl ;)

Ahhhh….life in the city. Despite all the setbacks with moving here, I am loving it! It immediately felt like home to me, and the little suburb we are in just really fits.

I’m so close to all these things I’ve never had a chance to do or try, stuff that it seems pretty much everyone else living in the real world has done. I was so sheltered for so long, and even though my teen years were wild, I was still pretty young when I met and started dating my ex husband. I was married and had completely STOPPED drinking before I ever turned 21, lol. Some of the men I have spoken with here have been shocked that I’ve never been to a casino, a karaoke bar, a comedy show, or any of a myriad of other basics that I missed out on during all those years I was living in a radically religious environment.

I’m like a kid in a candy store, only I’m held back a bit because I have actual kids. So my time is limited. My responsibilities haven’t changed, though I do have family nearby and more options for babysitting. Even though I love to play, my children are still a priority.

Well, money holds me back too, lol, but I’ve been beginning to discover that there are seemingly men all around in this lovely metropolis that have plenty of it to share. 😉 In fact, I went out with a man yesterday who paid $45 to have my laundry done for me so I wouldn’t “have to sit in the laundromat” (my dryer broke and I am waiting on a new one to arrive). He also took me out to lunch and tonight he wants to take me to a casino, possibly in one of the limo’s he says his business owns. I’m assuming I get to play with his money, and he is getting a room there as well. ::: squeal :::

This guy is kind of an interesting situation. I met him on Craigslist, where he was looking for a submissive, white, female, but he is on the swinger site as well and I had seen his profile before (though there are no pics). It says he is 49, but I am suspecting he may be a little older. He was different, in that he wasn’t looking to play with married women, but only single ones. His swinger profile says something about wanting a poly relationship.

Over lunch he made a comment about another woman he is seeing. He later told me he would like for me to meet her, but that there will be no pressure to play together, its entirely up to us. He’s actually been pretty cool so far about being fine with me doing whatever I want as well.

He’s decent enough looking, if older, and owns his own business, which clearly makes some bank. He was talking about how he likes to do things for people and wants to know what I’m dealing with because he may be able to “help out” in some way or another. According to him, he told one woman he is not a “sugar daddy” but then he is kind of belying that with his behavior. So I guess we will see. I’m not trying to take advantage of anyone but if he wants to pay for stuff I am totally cool with that!! 😉

He even mentioned the possibility of buying me a new phone! Mine is having major issues so that would definitely be nice! I’m not getting half my texts and some aren’t going out. It is driving me crazy! It really messes up communication with people and kind of fucks with my abandonment issues (as well as others). I’m trying to keep my cool and figuring the people who want to stay in my life will, regardless.

His voice sounds an awful lot like The Professor’s. Kinda funny. In a way I sort of like that. I wonder what he will be like in bed??

I’ve not had as much sex as you might expect, so far, living here, but I have been super busy with life in general. I did sleep with the Host once since I have been here and most recently I met another new man. He is an interesting situation as well!

This guy, I also met on Craigslist. I did a little browsing and responded to a few different ads the other day. 😉 Turns out he is a guy who had ALSO hit me up recently on the swinger site. Damn, us sex addicts are always on all the sites, lmao.

Anyhow, this one I had actually responded to, and he had emailed back but we just hadn’t taken it further yet and then we met on Craigslist. Kinda funny. He too, was specifically seeking out white girls. What’s REALLY funny is that it turns out he used to date a girl I went to high school with!

She is blonde, short and curvy and has a very pretty face. I think she may have been a cheerleader. I remember her from back in the day because she was running around with some of the same crowd and dating some of the same guys that I was. We weren’t personally good friends or anything but I don’t have anything against her.

Still competing with the same girls I was in high school, for the same guys though, lol, how fucked up is that?? I’m in a totally different city, HE is in a totally different city than either of us, wtf?? Hahaha What’s even funnier is that very recently I have seen a lot of pics of her on Facebook, because she is working with one of my GIRLS from back in the day, peddling a beauty product.

This girlfriend of mine and I used to get into hella trouble, so I know she is no angel, lolol. In fact I had halfway considered getting her to come to some swinger parties with me when I ran into her again on Facebook. She is a tall, slender but curvy, black girl that is now rocking her natural hair and has always been a fashion queen. She used to CRACK me up at parties with her side comments to me about things people were wearing. Things I would never even notice, like the fact that some guy had come with a rope holding up his pants instead of a belt, lmao. She’d be all under her breath “would you check out THE BELT” and have me on the verge of spitting out my drink. Hahahaha

We grew up on the poor side of town and none of us had money, but her mom was a crackhead and her dad was homeless. Her mom had these giant wine glasses in the house that were the size of your head and we used to steal them to go to keg parties where you had to pay for your beer by the cup. Somehow we managed to get away with it, lol, and ended up with a free beer buffet.

She also used to do all her makeup at the store. Like, we’d walk in and she’d be opening up packages and just put on her face right there plus a little perfume. Haha… Somehow she never got caught and always ended up looking good. We’ve all grown up, but I’m not sure she isn’t still a klepto, especially when it comes to clothes.

I love her to death but I’m not sure hanging out with her at this point in my life would be a good idea, lol. I also know how she is about guys and she likes the pretty ones…really good looking but super conceited and complete assholes. I haven’t seen a whole lot of her “type” at the swinger parties.

Anyhow, this guy said he was with the BOTH of them this past weekend, his ex and my friend. He said they were at a bar and my friend got stood up by some guy and was pissed. Yep…I told you, she likes the assholes, lol. She even dated the guy I refer to as “The Asshole” in some of my other posts, a former fuck buddy of mine, for a bit. Never!! I couldn’t stand him like that! 

Not sure what that means with this guy and his ex/”friend” but I don’t really care. I told him just not to tell them where he met me and he was like “uh, same to you” LMAO. It did make him seem like a safer option than some of the other guys I had talked with off Craigslist and I ended up hanging with him. I even accidentally stood up another guy I had planned to meet later, at a hotel. Ooops!! I got a little occupied and totally forgot!!

He took me out for dinner and drinks at a very nice restaurant in the heart of the city. We talked a lot and I got a little tipsy and we went to a hotel around the corner. He ran in to see how much it cost and said it was a lot but he told the guy at the front counter “fuck it, it’s worth it” and paid. 😉

This guy working there was a trip. He was a young black man, maybe in his 20’s, with dreads. After the guy I was with went in the restroom, he kept asking me about what we were up to that night. He was like “you two are gonna kick it aren’t you?” alluding to the fact that he knew we were about to have sex. Well, yeah, no luggage, Sunday night…last minute…um…

Then I ran into the restroom and when I came out the guy I came with was like “that guy is really interested in you, and he kept asking me if we were going to ‘kick it'”. LMFAO!

In any case, the sex was pretty good. He was maybe not quite as dominant in bed as I would have liked but I did get to cum. He kept stopping right before I would cum several times and was trying to hush me a bit, which I hate, but whatever. For the most part it was good and he was good with his tongue and fingers too, which I haven’t had much of lately so I was enjoying that. 😉 He wants to meet up again later this week.

I’ve been talking to some more guys but I don’t have time to explain that all at the moment. We will wait until something actually happens. 😉

They’re baaacck!! ;)

he's back

Well, I am moved to the big city!! So far, so good, and I am happy here. It’s like night and day from where I was living before. A few things suck, like the maintenance issues I have been dealing with regarding my new place, and the fact that it’s like two more weeks before they will hook up my internet. However, all that should only be temporary. If you are reading this, its because I managed to use my phone as a hot spot long enough to post, lol. 😉

In the men department, of course, many things have changed. I kind of left a few guys in the dust when I bailed town. Some of them weren’t too happy about it. Others, I’m not as sure. I’ve been having some issues with my phone not recieving texts, which may have made my departure seem even colder than it was meant to be.

I debated and debated with myself about contacting the married man when I moved up here. I didn’t want to be the one to cause him to stumble, but it was sooo tempting to want to text and be like “hey neighbor” to let him know I was in town and close by. Turns out I didn’t have to. 😉 HE contacted ME, out of the blue, the Friday before I was set to move!!

His text read “come to *the City* this weekend and let me make it up to you”. When I told him I was MOVING up that weekend he was in shock, lol, and totally excited! He said “you just made my day”. 😉 He was profusely apologetic for what happened the last time, when we didn’t have sex due to his guilt, and said that things aren’t what “he thought” at home. Whatever that means…. I didn’t ask.

After he found out about my move, he started in with some demands. He said now that I am coming his way I need to know that he doesn’t like to share with other men. According to him, he planned to have me so “touched out” I wouldn’t need anyone else anyway. Then he started getting onto me about the swinger parties (which he never did when I wasn’t close by) and claiming he was worried about std’s.

I’m pretty sure that is not the case. I mean this is a guy who fucked me bareback, within minutes of meeting me the first time, off Craigslist, lol. Whatever. He was sooo “concerned” that he put on a condom this time though, for about 30 seconds, before ripping it off and throwing it on the floor.

It was weird though, the sex this time wasn’t all that great. I mean, it was still good, but nothing like I remember. It was pretty much like fucking any other guy. I’m not really sure what it was, if it was me, or him, or just a change in the chemistry. I admit to being a little bit irritated with him beforehand too, about his attitude, and because he showed up WAY later than expected and kept saying he’d be there in a little bit. Maybe emotionally I was just put off. Not sure what was going on there.

He’d been pushing hard to see me that night and I was putting him off because I’d already invited Mr. Firm to come help me christen my new house. 😉 We didn’t have plans set in stone or anything, it was just a maybe, but the Married Man had contacted me after, so he was kind of the backup plan. When he started exhibiting all the typical madonna/whore stuff, and I’d been all happy chatting with Mr. Firm, who doesn’t do that, right before….he just seemed less exciting, or something.

I will say though, that I am still impressed with Mr. Married Man’s ability to unsnap a bra strap with more ease than I’ve ever seen anyone do it in my life, lmao. I’m like how does he DO that?? He can get it off even more easily than me, with one hand, in like half a second.

He seemed super tall to me for some reason too. Maybe because I wasn’t wearing heels for a change. I was in socks when he came to the door and he seemed like a giant when he had to bend down to kiss me lol. He’s 6’1″, just seemed bigger than he used to be. It HAS been over a year since we last slept together and the last time I saw him he was seated in his car.

The other returning man has been the Pilot!! We’ve still kept in touch all this time, but it has mostly been sporadic. He had told me at some point that he was falling for a woman at work and thinking about something serious with her, which totally turned me off. I told him I didn’t want to be fucking him in that situation and he thought that I was being dramatic. It just bothered me, and I didn’t want to be put again into a situation like I was with the Professor, or the Producer, or any of these guys where I ended up getting hurt because they wanted to treat me as second best.

Anyhow, when he heard I was moving his direction, he made it clear he’d like to spend some more time with me again. I didn’t even ask about the other woman. It had been months ago when he mentioned that. He invited me to be his partner for this group where they were supposed to be having “orgies during the day” at lunchtime, once or twice a month. I was unsure but agreed to come to the meet and greet and check it out.

He came to pick me up and my 22 year old sister was here to babysit. We were both dressed up and pretending to be going to some sort of a luncheon. My sister later said to me “OMG, he’s cute AND he has a nice car, I need to hang out with you more often!!” LOL

Anyhow, he’d asked me to wear a dress, with the plan being that we would meet these people then find a place to fuck each other after. So I was in a short, shiny, silver, tank dress and heels. He kept telling me I looked especially hot. He also was “warning” me about things now that I am living closer to the big city swinger scene. He said to be careful.

I couldn’t really get him to be specific, so not sure what he meant, but he was concerned about me being a single woman and how the guys would act now that I’m living up here. I told him I’d gone to some of the Host’s parties (he knows him) and he didn’t really like that. He said he doesn’t like to compete, and mostly stays away from that sort of thing (which I don’t really get because here we are on our way to an orgy group…).

We showed up at the meeting spot, which was a park gazebo, yet nobody arrived. I have no idea where he “met” these folks online, but it wasn’t the swinger site. I’m suspecting Craigslist, because he was vague when I asked and I’ve had another “orgy party” that failed through there too once, with the Prof. He had also informed me that we were using fake names for this party beforehand.

I don’t think either one of us was too terribly disappointed that it didn’t work out. He’d given me some fair warning beforehand that it might not. After about 20 minutes we got back in the car to find a place to have fun on our own.

He kept driving in circles, checking out parking lot after parking lot. I suspect it was mostly because he wanted to talk. He started telling me about this woman again. He still has feelings for her but they have only had sex once. He’s her boss at work and he’s had some issues there with gossip lately. It sounds like a mess and he’s obviously got it bad.

He said he was surprised I didn’t ask about her and I didn’t comment. Her name, he told me, is almost the same as mine. :p She told him her “tarot card reader” said she shouldn’t mess with him anymore and has some issue with an extremely abusive ex boyfriend. She had just texted him that day though, to ask him to come see her new house (she is moving too) and he wanted to know if I thought that meant she wanted to start seeing him again. SMH…

Anyway, it was kind of starting to kill the mood and I’m wondering if we are even going to have sex. He did sort of apologize and comment on that right before. He was like “this probably isn’t a good time to be discussing this”. Ya think?? 😛

After driving me through a million parking lots and pointing out a club he said he was wanting to show me that is “Lifestyle friendly but not a Lifestyle club” we finally settled on what looked like the parking lot of a nursing home. Right smack dab in the middle of it. There was no one around, though I suppose anyone could have looked out their window, lmao.

He came around and stood next to the passenger side of the car, unbuckling his pants. I sucked his dick. Then he had me get out and bend over the seat while he fucked me a little bit from behind. It felt really good but after a few minutes he started to get uneasy and wanted to move to another place.

We drove to the back side of the parking lot of a large health club and went at it again. This time he was in a better position to see who was coming and going. I have to admit it was pretty hot. He kept saying “God you are sooo wet”. He asked me where I wanted him to cum and I said anywhere but inside me. So he told me to turn around and take it in my mouth. He came a lot and I managed to swallow most of it, though I got a bit in my hair and on my arm.

Then he drove me home and we talked some more. I just don’t know. The whole thing still bothers me. I guess maybe it shouldn’t, but it makes me feel used. I didn’t tell him any of that though.

Maybe I’ve just been emotional lately (recently finished my period) but I got to thinking about it a lot and why it bugs me so much. On one hand I do enjoy casual sex and I am fine with it with some people, but I still really crave a close emotional relationship with SOMEONE.

All the current men in my life…they already have someone who they are “in love” with, but it isn’t me. I even met and had sex with a new guy the other day, and he seems like he has someone already too. He was trying to tell me we are going to have threesomes, and I noticed when he was showing me pictures on his phone that this one girl’s face just kept popping up.

Theres really not a lot to tell about that guy, lol. I met him on Plenty of Fish. He’s some kind of a golf star and has trophies all over the place and pictures of himself in “Golf Digest”. He lasted about 30 seconds in bed and then maybe a couple minutes for the second round. We had dinner at his house and he cooked me some ribs, macaroni and bbq beans, lol. It was good and then he wanted a massage. He seemed a little selfish overall, and crazy, because he was telling me I need a mixed baby and that maybe in a couple of years he and I could have one (!!). However, he has been nice in offering to have someone who works for him (he owns an auto shop) come look at the A/C in my vehicle. I don’t know, not super into him but may give it another try. I’m not too keen on the threesome idea though.

Anyway, I guess I’m just feeling a little unloved. Its not like I have time to devote to a real relationship and I realize that, but I do ache for some attention and affection, in more ways than just sex. I think I’m lovable, but I’m not sure anyone else sees it.

Society says men only fall in love with you if you don’t sleep with them and I’m not sure there isn’t some truth behind that. Trying to play that game though, seems so fake. I guess I just want someone to be able to see me for who I am and fall in love with that, instead of an image I put forth to “trick” them into something. I’m not holding my breath. :p

Keeping it in the family

wayans brothers

 

So here I am in bed, kissing this complete stranger that Mr. Host had sent in to “take care of” me, another one of his cousins.  I was a bit peeved at Mr. Host, not only for ignoring me, but now he was giving me to someone else to fuck?  It was confusing, yet, I was excited too. 

The new guy was hot, better looking than either of his other cousins, and I liked his demeanor.  I was turned on by the concept, that I was about to fuck this guy I had never even met.  I wasn’t about to say no.

He was kissing me, one hand in my hair and the other between my legs, rubbing against the satin fabric.  He said “you’ve got a phat pussy under there, I can feel it.  I can’t wait to be inside you”.  He pulled off his boxers and tugged at my pajama pants, letting me take them, and my top, the rest of the way off, as he slid on a condom.  “I am looking forward to seeing this big, black, dick against that white skin” he said, as he watched me undress.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve fucked a white girl” he claimed as he was sliding his way in.  “MMMmmm, I can’t keep my hands out your hair…and you have such beautiful eyes.”  “God, you are so fucking tight”.  He kept telling me he couldn’t believe his good luck, happening to have stopped by at his cousin’s house.

The sex was good.  He was well endowed, though not exceptionally so.  You could tell he knew what he was doing.  Halfway through he was saying “this pussy is so good, I am definitely getting your number” and talking about how he wanted to come down to see me on his motorcycle.  He was thrilled when I told him I’ll be moving up that way soon.

At some point, not long after we started, I heard someone in the hallway, using the restroom.  You could hear a door open and close and the fan being turned on.  It made me wonder who was out there?  Had the Host and those other people even left?

After having me bend over on my hands and knees for a bit, he flipped me onto my back and said “I’m gonna fuck that ass now”.  I said “No, no, no, I don’t want that” and he was like “are you sure?  I seen it winking at me”.  I laughed “NO, it was definitely not winking at you”. He teased “oh yes it was, I saw when you were bent over the bed, it was giving me the eye”.  I said I’d done it before I just don’t like it.  His response was “you just haven’t been with a man who knows how to do it right”.  “But I bet all the guys say that to you, don’t they?” He laughed.  I said yep, that is exactly what they say!  Lmao.

He said my pussy was good enough that he wasn’t gonna really care one way or the other, and went back to fucking me again.  Towards the end he asked if it was okay to cum on my face and I said just don’t get it in my eyes.  So he pulled out and was pretending to spell out his initials on my face with his dick as he came, lmao.  He was like “I’ve gotta leave my mark on that”.

He cuddled with me for a bit and asked if I’d fucked the Host yet tonight.  I said no, and he couldn’t believe he’d let him come in there first.  He took down my number and texted my phone.  Then he left the room to go get a drink out of his car. 

He came back with a lemon iced tea for me that he said he’d just bought at the gas station before he came over.  He said he’d gone downstairs and seen the Host was fucking someone.  I asked who and he said he thought it was that same woman from earlier.  She was riding him and the Host had beckoned him over with his hand.  The cousin said he wasn’t sure if he meant for him to come join in or go get me but that he’d rather just be up here with me alone.

I was surprised the Host was fucking her.  I’m not sure why, I guess I should have assumed that he would be.  She wasn’t unattractive or anything, though she was in her 40’s and maybe a little worn looking.  She was tall and blonde and skinny. 

I guess that’s why he sent the cousin into me.  I’d certainly rather fuck him than the hillbilly guy, any day.  Plus, he DID ask if I had gotten my fun in and probably assumed I’d been fucking more than I had at the party.  Who knows what Mr. Hillbilly was doing?  Watching?  Passed out?  Haha

Anyhow, I fucked Mr. Cousin again (I might have to change his name later if I see him again, I don’t want any newbies to my blog to get confused or too many people finding it searching for incest stories, lmao).  This time he pulled the condom off towards the end and went right back in.  Totally defeats the purpose there, but not the first time a guy has pulled that!

After we were finished (and he again came on my face) he wanted to talk a lot.  He asked if I wanted to come with him to some jazz bar that was open till 6 am and eat catfish.  Normally, that might sound good, but I was tired and ready to sleep.

He was telling me all about how he and the Host and their other cousins have been sharing females since they were in high school.  He said his first sexual experience was actually a MFM threesome.  According to him though, it had been awhile since he’d shared someone with Mr. Host, specifically, and he has never been to a swinger party.

He said he makes a point of not judging women because then they open up to him a lot more.  I agreed that was true and admitted that I had grown up with a family that operated similarly, with the brothers/cousins all fucking the same women.

 The guy I had the affair with was from that same family, though I had promised him during that time I wouldn’t fuck his brothers.  We weren’t at the point where he wanted to share any longer and I would stay away from most of them these days, for various reasons.  I admit to laughing a couple of years ago when one of them posted on Facebook that all he wants is to find just ONE woman that hasn’t fucked any of his brothers or cousins, and all the responses were like “have you thought about moving to Alaska?” lol. 

 He finally left around 5:30 and I heard the Host and his company getting ready to leave a few minutes later.  I knew they’d have a 20 minute or so drive each way, so I drifted back to sleep.

I was awoken by Mr. Host climbing on my back and kissing my neck.  I peeked at the clock, 6:30, but pretended to be asleep.  I was still irritated with him.  I lay completely still and didn’t move.

He slid off my pj pants and started gently biting his way up my thighs and on the underside of my ass.  I didn’t budge.  So he spread my legs open and quickly entered me from behind.  I gasped and he whispered in my ear “are you ready for your 30 seconds?” I said “what. ever.” and we had great sex for like the next hour, twice, before falling asleep.  He was saying stuff like “who’s number 1? Tell me I’m number 1″…and promising that he is going to make the sex different each time so I’ll be sure to keep coming back for more.

He woke me up with more doggystyle sex, which was pretty good, cumming inside me, because again, he’s got a vasectomy.  I started my period the next day, thank God, so we know that other guy who came in me didn’t get me pregnant.

 Anyhow, it’s hard to stay mad and he later claimed that the reason he left me alone at the second party was to let me be and let me enjoy myself.  I don’t know about all THAT, but whatever.  I still had fun and it’s not worth the drama at this point.  Just have to be careful to keep myself emotionally distant.

Slightly scary swinger party

hillbilly-family

This weekend I went on what was basically a blind date, to a swinger party.  The guy who invited me was someone who found me last week on the swinger site. We had texted back and forth a little bit, but the only face picture I had seen of him, he was wearing sunglasses and standing at a distance. 

Really, the only reason I considered going with him was because my other plans for the weekend hadn’t worked out.  I had been kind of annoyed with his texting the week before.  He had asked me to drive and meet him over an hour away and I wasn’t going to all that trouble for a man I’d never met, especially when it was raining sleet and the roads were questionable to drive on.

So I turned him down on that offer and since he wasn’t willing to come my way either, we didn’t meet.  Still, he sent a few racy pictures.  One was of his LIMP cock.  I was like WTF?  He said “you need to make it hard” and I was thinking “you need to make it wet” and briefly considered sending him back a pic of a dry vagina, a desert, or maybe some sandpaper.

Kind of a rocky start.  Then he texted me on Friday night asking if I would attend a swinger party with him here in town.  Well, I didn’t have any other plans yet and two of the swinger parties I MIGHT have gone to weren’t going to happen, so I said yes.  I wanted to be doing SOMETHING fun.

Let me tell you a little bit about the other swinger parties and what happened there first.  Remember Mr. Host?  HE was having a swinger party too, but he didn’t invite me!!! He MENTIONED the party though, I suspect by mistake, the week before. 

He had wanted me to come see him because I was supposed to be heading that way that weekend and I decided against it due to weather.  After having recently gotten in an accident on the ice I am pretty leery of driving long distances when the roads might not be doing well, plus I have to cross several bridges on the way and those are kind of scary.

When I was 4 years old, we were driving across the country to Connecticut and hit a patch of ice on a bridge.  The car spun around several times and almost went over the edge of the bridge.  When it stopped, we were facing oncoming traffic.  That experience is still lingering in my mind.

Anyhow, I wasn’t driving.  Mr. Firm is up that general direction as well and his family was not feeling well, plus he didn’t think I should risk it.  Mr. Host, on the other hand, was irritated with me.  He later said “you could have made the drive”.  Yeah, and risk my life for you?  No thanks.  He’s just not THAT important to me, you know?  Plus, he could have made the drive down to see ME but didn’t even suggest that.

So he was like “I guess we can see each other at the party next week, but I really wanted some alone time with you”.  Party?  What party?  I said I hadn’t gotten invited to the party and he said oh, that the one guy who sent out the invites must have “overlooked” me.  PLEASE.  He is the host of the party and HAD to have double checked.  Plus, supposedly he wanted us to have a COUPLE profile and me to help him with them.  I sincerely doubt I would just be “overlooked”.  Whatever. 

I didn’t give him any drama about it.  It’s not worth my time and I don’t really care that much, but it is kind of insulting.  He doesn’t invite Mr. Firm, and now me.  The two coolest people at any of his parties by a long shot. 😉  His loss, lol.

The funny thing is he still wants to see me and have sex.  I can venture a few guesses as to why he didn’t invite me.  It may have something to do with the not so great interaction I had with his cousins the last time.  Possibly it could be due to the one woman who always wants to sleep in his bed and her feelings.  I wasn’t interested in sleeping with her husband (the old guy) and that could be a problem too.  Mr. Firm said the Host may even have a different woman he wanted to invite and spend the night with him, and that is a possibility too.

If that were the case, there really isn’t anything wrong with it.  It’s not like he and I are boyfriend and girlfriend or anything serious.  We don’t even text much outside of going to the parties, though he has talked repeatedly about wanting to spend a weekend with me or doing something alone.  He also has to pay my gas and that can get expensive.  The last time it was $50 and the time before he gave me $100.

Even after claiming I was overlooked, he didn’t bother to send me an invitation. So I am pretty sure he didn’t want me to come.  Only time will tell if he does in the future.  Meanwhile, I was invited to ANOTHER house party up that way. 

The other house party was being thrown by the brother of the first house party I ever went to.  He was a guy I had played just a little bit with there, in a sort of orgy situation.  We didn’t have sex but I think he fingered me, and I went down on his girlfriend.  According to him, his girlfriend was super jealous and wouldn’t let him fuck me.

He’s not a bad looking guy, but man, he turned out to be NEEDY as fuck, lol.  He was annoying the heck out of me over text and I finally had to tell him to quit.  Like, he was sending me zillions of texts.  He was demanding to know things like if this was going to be more than sex and callling me his “lover”.  I was barely responding.  Randomly, he would tell me things like “I am afraid of heights” and “I can’t swim” and I’m thinking duuude, it is way too early to be sharing this stuff.  Plus he even said he was “anxious”.  NOT a turn on.  I was totally afraid he would turn into a stalker.

All of this is moot anyhow, because the weather was looking iffy for the weekend so I again decided to stay in town.  This left me with fewer options and I said yes to the limp dick guy. Hey, at least I was going to a party.  Admittedly the guest list wasn’t looking too hot though.  There were a few “maybe” single guys but I wasn’t sure.

As requested, I showed up early, to his hotel room.  Thankfully, he was nice looking in person.  He is in the Army.  Gotta love the “service” of the area millitary base.  It’s always got a fair amount of good looking, in shape, fuckable men, which is more than you can say for this area in general. Ahhh…God Bless America. 😉

He wasn’t super talkative and I’m still thinking this guy is kind of an ass from our previous communications.  Still, he wasn’t bad.  We talked a little bit about the party and how it was going to go down.

 He let me know right up front he wasn’t cool with me getting with any single guys there.  He said it had to be an “even trade” and that if they didn’t have anything for HIM he wasn’t sharing.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I’m used to being the bartering chip.  I warned him that there might not be a lot of people where I was interested in the male half of the couple. He said we should have a “code phrase” to use for trying to gauge that, so we made one up.

Pretty quickly after that we got down to business.  We kissed a little bit and he told me to take off my clothes.  With virtually no foreplay (and without a condom!) he just rammed it in.  I didn’t even have time to ask.  Part of my bane with some guys is that I am virtually always wet.  So they take this to mean I don’t need any preparation.  Not that I need a lot, but still.

He kind of took me by surprise and he was sort of rough.  He was ramming hard and fast.  Right at the end he asked me something that sounded like “are you going to cum?” I couldn’t quite understand him and asked “what?” and he repeated himself but it was still mumbled.  I was on the verge of having an orgasm, or so I thought, so I said “yes”.  Bam!  It was over.

 
He pulled out and wiped what looked like a drop of cum off the end of his dick.  OMG, did he just cum inside me???  I was freaking out.  I had been super wet already but it felt like he may have cum.  It had all been so fast, I wasn’t sure.

I got up to take a shower.  We didn’t talk much and I quickly glanced at the monthly cycle calendar on my phone.  I should have ovulated a few days ago, plus I was feeling super horny then, but it was cutting it close.  While I was washing my hair and body my thoughts were racing.  I needed to ask him to be sure.

I stepped out of the bathroom.  “Did you cum inside me?”  He said “yeah, you said I could”.  I said “I thought you were asking me something else”.  I said “I’m not on birth control” and he was like “are we okay then?”  I said I thought so but wasn’t sure.  Yikes.

THANK GOD though, when I got home, I was able to check my fertility monitor and it said I am not currently fertile.  I love that little thing.  It’s like a tiny microscope where you can check your saliva or cervical mucous and see where your body is at.  If you are fertile, you will see crystallization going on and if not, it just looks like tiny bubbles.  So I’m pretty sure I ovulated the other day and am in the clear.

A midwife gave me this device years ago, before I even got pregnant with my first child.  I was wanting to stop using birth control and go to natural family planning and this was the easiest, most awesome method ever.  Of course to use it for proper prevention of pregnancy you have to chart your cycles for a few months to make sure how many days in you are ovulating.  I have a general idea but my cycle has been kinda wacky lately.

For those that are curious, it is hard to find in the U.S. but the fertility monitor was made in Spain and is considered a 97% effective method of birth control, if used properly.  I was able to predict accurately when I got pregnant with each of my children using this device.  I still remember looking at it right after sex with my ex husband the time I got pregnant with my first child and seeing it completely covered with little microscopic “ferns”. 

Here is an article about it Holistic Birth Control and here is a picture Fertility Tester. It was the only one I could find, though you might be able to with more digging, find someone selling one elsewhere. Note that they won’t sell to the United States…hmmm..conspiracy?

There used to be some other similar devices on the market as well, but they looked different.  I suppose any microscope would do.  It’s a shame Americans don’t get more information about stuff like this.  Guess it wouldn’t make the pharmaceutical companies enough money.

Anyhow, I am pretty confident that I am in the safe zone.  Years of using NFP has taught me to be more in tune with my body and notice the signs.  I get really, really horny during ovulation, lol and that was earlier in the week. The confirmation of my fertility monitor makes me feel pretty good that I was right.  Still, I was kind of in shock and it threw me for a loop for a minute there.

Onto the party.  Hmmm…well, there weren’t a whole lot of attractive people there.  There were an unusual amount of elderly folks at this one.  We are talking full heads of gray hair.  My guess is that some of these people were in their 70’s.  Someone said the swinger party here that is usually for older people has closed down, so maybe that is why.

There were also lots of cowboy hats, country music and obese people.  Not too unusual in this area, but not really my style.  One of the highlights of the night was a naked jello wrestling match.  The women were maybe 350 lbs a piece.  The guy I was with said it reminded him of sumo wrestlers, lol.  One of the women had blinking lights attached to her nipples.  They were rubbing jello all over each other’s bodies and licking it off. He was not impressed and said that image would be hard to erase from his mind, lol.

With the party being kind of lame and people mostly sitting at tables, I was trying hard to cheer up my “date”.  He knew one other woman there, that he had slept with before and known for 5 or 6 years.  She danced with him once but left early.  Another woman was trying to hit on him, but as he pointed out, she had no teeth!  LOL

So I was flirty with him and he said I was the most attractive woman there, that no one else interested him at all.  We danced and kissed and made out a lot and he seemed to open up a little more.  There was only one other man there that I thought was a “maybe” though I didn’t say anything because he was single and never approached us.

What is funny is THAT guy hit me up on Sunday, over Plenty of Fish.  He had apparently emailed me once before because I could see the conversation but I had never responded.  I suck at answering people’s emails on dating sites and only do it once in a while, like if I have nothing better to do that night or the guy seems extra my type (like Mr. Firm).

 He said he saw me at the party but didn’t want to offend the guy I was with by talking to me.  Kind of funny, at a swinger party, but he was probably right.  At one point the guy I came with left for the restroom and he claims when he came back 6 men were talking to me and giving him dirty looks.  They were all old, overweight or unattractive so it wasn’t really a big deal, but he was being a tad possessive.

There was also this one guy at the party that people are always talking about.  The Professor had mentioned him before and I have spoken to the man and seen him in action at other parties, but he just doesn’t do it for me.  He’s some kind of doctor and constantly fucking one woman after another.  A lot of people seem really impressed, but he’s not my style.

We got pulled into the sex swing room because he was fucking the toothless woman and everyone was like “you have to see this”.  I don’t think my military friend was too impressed.  He was like this guy is on Viagra or something.  I’m amused by it but not really turned on.  The guy is like a jackhammer energizer bunny, going, going and going, really fast and hard and he does a lot of grunting.  Its fun to watch for a minute, just out of curiosity but I’m not a huge voyeur.  More of an exhibitionist ;).  I want to be in on some action (but not with him, lol).

At one point, the military guy pulled me into the hallway and said he wanted to fuck me there.   Then he changed his mind and we went into the women’s bathroom.  He had me bent over and was fucking me from behind.  He was still pretty rough, though he lasted longer and didn’t cum.  He said he didn’t want to cum there at the party and was saving it for later. 

We finally went back to our room around closing. We talked a bit with a woman in the hallway who was fairly attractive and he invited her back to our room but she and her husband were waiting on another couple. Husband came out and wasn’t hot, lol.  He didn’t even have to ask me about that one. 

The rest of the night was mostly us having sex.  It was a lot better this time and lasted way longer.  He bit me a lot though, hard, and left some bruises.  They aren’t hickeys but actual bruises and my shoulders hurt.  I think from him gripping them really tight.  There is a little, light, hickey on my neck but not really noticeable.

He kept saying no one had made him this hard in a long time and that he didn’t want to stop. 😉  It went on a looong time and was pretty hot, though he kept stopping when I was just about to cum, I think to prevent himself from doing so.  Finally, at the end I came pretty hard, and so did he, on my stomach this time, though he had the nerve to ask if he could cum inside me again! 

In the morning, after my shower, while I was at the mirror putting my makeup on, he came up behind me again wanting to fuck.  He was having trouble with his erection and said he thought it was due to being spent from the night before so I’m not even sure why he was trying, but okay.  I sucked his dick to get it ready and we had like a 30 second fuck before he again came on my stomach.  He never did go down on me.  Ah, well.

 I texted him after I got home to say I checked and my fertility thing says I’m not fertile so we should be okay.  He responded that was cool and said he had had a good time.  I’m not sure, at this point, whether or not I will ever see him again, but I guess time will tell.

 

 

Thoughts on submission

submission

Lately I’ve been pondering some things about dominance and submission.  Now, before you get too excited, realize I’ve never considered myself as a part of the BDSM community.  I really don’t know a whole lot about it, just read little bits here and there. 

I find it somewhat fascinating but at the same time scary sounding.  I’m not fond of being in pain or hurting anyone so that part doesn’t sound appealing to me.  I see things like floggers, electric shockers, and nipple clamps and I’m thinking OMG, no, not for me!

I had a chance to talk with a male friend once who had gone to his very first BDSM convention.  He talked about some of the workshops and about people who wore latex masks over their heads and all kinds of things I had never heard of (at the time) that were happening.  It was very interesting, but for me pretty much stopped there. 

That’s not to say I’m not curious.  I’m curious about things like what it would be like to be tied up or blindfolded.  I wonder just how much spanking I could handle (I do like that!).  All in all, my thoughts about it are pretty tame, compared to what I know is out there, and I’ve probably only scratched the surface as far as reading and learning about BDSM.

I find the idea of power play a little more intriguing than the pain aspect.  I’ve experienced some of that with my lovers and it has turned me on.  Some things that come more naturally, and don’t require props or safewords, have been part of my sex life on many of occasions. 

I’ve always been really turned on by men that are very dominant in bed.  Not mean though, it doesn’t excite me when someone calls me names or gets overly rough.  No, I like them passionate in an almost romantic way in the bedroom.  Passionate and in control, but still very affectionate and focusing on getting ME off, rather than their own selfish desires, that will get satisfied in the end anyhow.

I guess that’s a pretty tall order.  Maybe I am spoiled because I have found men who have been able to give me that very thing.  As few and far between as they may be, I’m becoming more adroit at identifying those that can satisfy the cravings of my mind and body. 

Recently, when I was having dinner with a man I have met at some swinger parties and a couple he was here visiting; the topic of choking came up.  None of them found it to be a sexual turn on.  I said that I had thought I never would either, but when it actually happened during sex, it turned me on much more than expected.  They looked at me like I’d grown another head!  LOL

Yet, it’s true.  I had always thought I would hate being choked during sex.  I was terrified of the idea.  Yet the first time a man did it to me in the bedroom, I came.  It was actually right before I met the married man who made me cum so many times in a row and it was mild in comparison, but it happened.  It was with my FWB who does have a tendency to like a little roughness between the sheets. When I told Mr. Firm of our dinner conversation he laughed and said a lot of women say one thing but in bed like another. He was like “I could tell you liked that”.

It calls to mind memories of the guy who was my very favorite sex partner as a teenager.  We hated each other’s guts!  Pretty much anyway, lol.  Yet, the sex was addicting.  We’d come back to fucking again and again, despite the way we treated one another outside the bedroom. 

I’ve mentioned him a few times on my blog.  The first time we had sex it was actually forced and as part of a bunch of guys pulling a train on me, one that I didn’t want to participate in.  I had willingly slept with the first guy but HE was the 2nd, the one who got on top of me and wouldn’t get off or allow me to get dressed.  He wouldn’t take no for an answer and slowly inched his way in, despite my protests, all while confusing me even more with the things he was whispering in my ear.

 Despite the fact that I was adamant about not wanting to have sex with him, he was deliberately turning me on.  He knew what he was doing and I can guarantee that wasn’t the only time he’s done it.  It happened again, a second time, where they pulled a train on me and he was again the person that pushed it.  The first time we were in a park and the police showed up before the guys scattered and the second we were in a house and I was alone in a room on the couch with the other guy before he came in. 

Those were actually fairly traumatic experiences for me emotionally but like I have said before I continued to have sex with him.  Outwardly, I couldn’t stand this guy.  I couldn’t stand his asshole attitude (I even call him The Asshole in one of my blog posts, My Deep, Dark Past).  He was a real jerk and we would be at each other’s THROATS in arguments. 

I can remember one time, being at a party in this guy’s backyard and we got into it.  We were yelling and cussing at one another over something and he suddenly picked me up off the ground and started walking.  I was actually a little scared of what he was about to do.  He picked me up and carried me down those basement steps, stopping to pretend he was going drop me every once in a while, causing me to scream and hang onto his neck. 

When we got to the bed, he threw me on it and started pulling off my clothes.  I didn’t say no that time but he took exactly what he wanted and it got a little rough.  He was shoving my face down on the pillow and at some point a couple guys came down and were watching.  It was hot!! 😉  LOL

There was another time we had been dropped off at this Mexican drug dealer’s house and were stuck there all night.  All the bedrooms were occupied and he and I were in the living room, fighting like cats and dogs.  One of the Mexican guys finally came out of his room and threw a pair of boxing gloves at us, telling us to shut up already and just duke it out.  Haha.

Later, some really creepy, crackhead looking motherfuckers with missing teeth came to the house and we were stuck with them too, in the living room.  They were adults and we were still really kids and these guys were leering and hitting on me.  I was scared, but The Asshole actually stood up for me, backed me up against the wall behind him and was cussing them out and threatening them. 

We ended up having sex after that, on the floor in another room and all the tension was relieved.  He let me sleep up next to him, with his arm out across me to ward off the bad guys, lol. 😉 He’s really not all that bad, though he did spend some years in prison after being tried as an adult for holding up someplace with a gun, soon after.

The day before that happened was the last time I ever touched him.  He came up behind me, while I was standing in a front yard at this guy’s house and put me in a choke hold with a loaded gun up against my head.  He said “don’t move or I’ll shoot”.  I said “you wouldn’t shoot me”.  He cocked the gun and pulled his arm tighter around my throat “say I won’t!!”  I said “you’d miss me too much” and he was like “say I won’t do it” and looked me in the eye. I said “do it then” and turned my cheek toward him. He stood there. “Come on then, do it! I dared him. He kind of smirked and put down the gun.  I could tell by the look in his eyes he could never go through with that ;). 

He’s on my Facebook now and he’s married and life has changed, but I told that story to illustrate how early on in life I was already getting off a little bit on a power exchange dynamic.  It was hot!!  He was great in bed for how young we were and despite being rather forceful would turn into an almost totally different person with the passion and affection and things he would say to me (he loved to talk during sex).

Nowadays I have come to realize just how much I ENJOY a man taking control in the bedroom and that feeling of helplessness.  All of my favorite men have at some point called me “really submissive”.  I hope, and think, that means they like it!  LOL  My ex- husband sure didn’t, because he was the same way. 

I’ve struggled a bit, with the whole being submissive thing, because I know I am and that naturally that is just me.  However, so many people seem to equate it with weakness.  If I’m honest I would say that actually in a way I do too.  My ex husband’s submissiveness was a total turn off to me.  I didn’t want a man to act weak in the bedroom. 

So I wonder, if men really even like that?  I sometimes feel like I am not DOING anything and wonder why men still say I am good in bed.  Do some people actually enjoy and LIKE it when someone is letting them call all the shots?  I know there are guys that do, it’s just so hard for me to picture being on the other end of that.

Mr. Firm always says I fuck him just the way he “needs”.  I love that he tells me that but am a little puzzled by what he actually means.  I find HIM very fulfilling because he is that perfect combination of dominant and sweet and he can make me cum again and again.  I’m quite happy to be on the receiving end of all that, lol. 😉

He said recently that I am so submissive he can’t picture me being dominant, even with another woman.  I had to think about that for a minute because I am pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be, but at the same time the idea of submitting to another female kind of gives me a pause.  I don’t think I would want to!  Not really.  I have an inkling that if a woman started trying to tell me what to do in bed it would piss me off!   I’m happier and more comfortable with something equal.

I think the reason it is different with men has something to do with just loving to see all that masculine POWER.  I don’t desire that from a woman.  I love when a guy can just take me and do whatever he wants, but where I trust him enough to know he also wouldn’t really hurt me.

From me, I guess I’d also say submission to someone is a gift.  I don’t act like that with just anyone.  I mean, I don’t boss any guy around in the bedroom, but for me to actively and willingly “submit” there has to be trust involved.  Still, that is where I am at my happiest.  If I can’t get to that point with a man then the sex doesn’t become truly spectacular.

I’m curious to hear from men or women who LOVE being dominant in bed.  What is it that turns you on about a person submitting to you?  When I try to dig up info from that side of the spectrum, there is very little, even on the world wide web!  Lots of people can describe what they love about someone dominating them but what about in reverse?  Why do you like it?  Is there anything a “submissive” person can do to make you like it even more?