Tag Archive | rejection

A friend in need…isn’t shit?

ankle-injury

Some of you may be wondering what ever happened to the Cohort. Well, he DID come back after his disappearance. He called to talk, about a week and a half later. I was happy to hear from him. He said he was surprised he didn’t hear from ME. We spoke briefly, then a few days later he texted me. Things seemed like they were getting back to normal.

Bright and early the next morning, I got a phone call. I was still half asleep. It was the Cohort and he had injured his foot at a boxing gym the night before. He said he’d been attempting to get back in shape and was in a lot of pain. He’d been up half the night hurting and was going to call his doctor as soon as the office opened. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to drive and asked if I might be able to take him.

OF COURSE! The man I love was hurting and I would do anything within my capability to help him. I jumped in the shower and drove over to his place.

We spent the day together. I drove him to the doctor and later to get an ultrasound on his foot. We went to pick up medicine at the pharmacy. In the waiting rooms, we kept each other entertained. There was a lot of banter and silliness between us, even though he was obviously in a lot of pain, that even medication was not helping with.

He texted me from the exam room while I was in the lobby. “The nurse just asked me to get naked”. I asked if she had rubbed her boobs on him yet. He responded that she said she wanted to check out his package before she looked at his foot. I said I bet she does. He was like “she said she doesn’t have anymore whipped cream for me to lick off her nipples” and I told him to “tell her you will whip up a batch of mayonnaise” (he’s always making jokes about how his cum is actually mayonnaise after we have sex). He was like “Lovergirl, you are REALLY filthy” and I told him that I was just over here keeping busy flashing guys in the lobby (he had thought my sundress was showing a lot of cleavage and asked me if I was trying to show off, beforehand).

Everything seemed good natured and fun. He took me out to lunch at Panera and I had to wait on him and help do things because it was hard for him to walk. He gave me a little money for “gas” (though I was driving his car) and was very thankful. When we got to his place I helped him wrap his foot in ice packs. He sort of hinted at having sex with me before I left but I told him that it hadn’t felt good when he disappeared the last time, that it had made me feel abandoned. He said “Lovergirl, I am not a bad guy. I wasn’t trying to make you feel like that. We should spend more time together. We make a good team”. He hugged me tightly and said it was good to see me.

I got a text from him after I went home that said my help really meant a lot. I told him not to hesitate to call if he needed anything else. All seemed well.

So the next morning, he called again. He asked if I could bring him lunch and I said sure. He also wanted me to help do some things for his business, that would have been hard for him, though his foot was getting better. He had pulled, but not torn, a tendon. He would pay me for the work I did.

I spent another day with him. I picked him up some fast food for lunch. I went to the doctor’s office to pick up a note he would need for work. I waited on him. I made him something to eat, basically just did whatever he needed. We talked and watched movies on the couch.

When I was getting ready to leave, he made a comment about how we couldn’t play anymore because that would make me feel “degraded”. It sounded like he was mocking the hurt I had expressed the night before. He didn’t hug me this time, or offer to pay for the lunch I picked up and I left feeling unsettled and kind of used.

On the drive home, I told him how I felt and somehow it blew up into a huge argument. Granted, I was about to start my period, and I do get very emotional with PMS. Anyway, I just felt hurt. Hurt that he wanted me to do all this stuff for him and to be there, but not enough to give me the reassurance that he would call after sex. Like, he’d rather not have sex at all, than give me that.

He said he hadn’t called before because “you said you didn’t want to be friends”. This is only part of the truth. What I had SAID, was that I didn’t want to be PLATONIC friends. I had told him if we weren’t having sex, then I didn’t want to be around him AT ALL. I asked, if you thought we weren’t friends, then why did you call ME when you needed someone? It degenerated from there.

He accused me of only helping him to “get” something in return, which is absolute bullshit. I helped him because I love him and couldn’t stand to see him in pain. I wanted to do everything I could to relieve him and make it better. It felt even worse to hear him say that because I felt like I was demonstrating just how much I care about him in being there and doing all that I did. There wasn’t some selfish motivation behind it.

Anyhow, my emotions were in overdrive and everything came spilling out. I told him I loved him. I told him that sitting there in the doctor’s offices with him I could see being with him the rest of my life and that this all is making me feel confused and strung along. I expressed how hurt I feel that he has not acknowledged a relationship between us, after a year of spending a couple of days a week together, talking almost every day and two pregnancies.

He said “I’m sorry- I can’t give you the feeling you want”. I was like, what feeling? What are you talking about? He wouldn’t answer and I was like just say it! I can take it and maybe it is best I hear it now. It took until the next morning to get him to actually say what he meant and here it is ” what I mean was that I can’t give you the feeling of love and affection and being the #1 woman in my life because I don’t see a long term relationship as a possibility between us”.

Ouch. 😦 Okay. I said “then get the fuck out of my life”. He said he was sorry but that he didn’t want to start his day off with negativity. I ignored it and had no intentions of talking to him further.

That should have been the end. Only it wasn’t, because something worse happened.

That night, I signed onto the swinger site and was looking at a party. He had signed up, which was no big deal, except for that he put a notation on there that he was coming AS A COUPLE with a particular other woman, who he named.

I just about freaking LOST IT. I called him and was like “how could you do this to me??” He said you are hysterical I will call you tomorrow, but I was so upset I wouldn’t leave him alone. I couldn’t believe that, that very night, he was going to take another woman out to a party, like she was his girlfriend, after I’d just spent two days doing everything possible for him. I was like why didn’t you call HER?!! Why would you call ME when you needed someone, then the minute you are feeling better you turn around and take someone ELSE out? Where was she when you hurt your foot?

He said that was the only way he could get into the party. It was full on single males and so she had said he could get in with her. Nevertheless, he didn’t HAVE to sign up on the site at all if that were the case and he had to know there was a good chance I would see it. It felt humiliating and extremely hurtful. I know that I would not have gone to a party with another man so soon, just out of basic respect. I would have protected him from having to SEE that I was, for sure!

I was an absolute mess, crying and devastated. That he could still go out and have fun, knowing that, made it even more painful. It was like he didn’t even give a second thought to my feeling hurt. Yet, when he had (recently) dumped some woman he went on 3 dates with (and they never even had sex), he told me he felt really bad “for about 12 hours”. It was just so shocking and horrible and hurtful that he could blatantly disregard my feelings in that way.

That was a week ago and I am still reeling from the pain. I would have done anything in the world to keep him from hurting, but when it was me, he didn’t even seem to care at all. No compassion whatsoever. I’d even say his responses were cold and borderline mean.

He did try to call later in the week and I didn’t answer. When I returned the call about 20 minutes later he didnt pick up the phone. He later texted that he just wanted to see how I was feeling. I texted back “I don’t feel good about what happened with you. It felt, and still feels, really horrible to think of you taking someone else to a party. I feel taken for granted. I feel like I put my heart out there and it just got trampled. It feels awful to be told I will never be #1 to you or have your love and affection”.

I never heard back. Nothing. Not a word. That was 4 days ago. There may be nothing left to be said about the Cohort. If that is the case, then what a harsh and painful ending it was. I don’t know how I can feel so much love and affection for someone who doesn’t feel anything in return. What is wrong with me?

Pissed at the Producer

Well folks, it looks like things have come to a halt with the Producer.  I was flaming mad for a few days and have finally calmed down a little bit.  Spending the night with my fuck buddy last night seemed to help a lot.  Gosh, I’d almost forgotten what a huge dick he has, lol.  It’s super thick, on top of being 9 inches long.  The Producer is always bragging about how thick HIS cock is (and it is) but after being with my fuck buddy again, well, it seems like it’s twice as wide. 

Anyhow, we had a great night, with a few rounds of sex and cuddling up to watch a movie, naked on his couch. As predicted, he went raw with me for the first time.  I don’t doubt that seeing that pic of me and the Producer, that he had gotten mad about because he wasn’t wearing a condom, had something to do with it.  He still wore a condom for the first couple rounds but one broke and we ran out of Magnums and tried to use another one on him that I had but it was tight.  He’s normally a real stickler about condoms, but we decided it would be okay for him to just pull out.  We slept all snuggled up and had more great sex in the morning before I left.  That’s also the first time, in almost a year and a half of seeing each other, that we have spent a full night together.

So back to the Producer.  Remember how great things were going with us?  At least that’s what I thought.  He had kept saying how sprung he was with me, was texting me frequently, calling “just to hear my voice”, seeing me twice a week when he came through, kept talking about how he wanted to take me to Vegas and go to parties that are a few months down the road, bought me roses and took me out on my Birthday, was saying how I give the best head he’s ever had in his life and what wonderful sex we have, and had recently met a couple of my kids.  He even bought us go-cart tickets that were like $250 worth of rides.  I was really feeling confident that he was “into” me.

I had gotten sick for a couple of weeks but he was still calling and texting and all seemed well when he took off overseas.  He had been in touch ever since, on Whatsapp, sexting and telling me about his trip. 

So imagine my surprise when he suddenly, out of the blue, messages me on there to drop the bomb.  He’s found a new woman, that he met on Match.com two weeks ago and they are developing “feelings” for each other.  He doesn’t want to drop me however, but to “include” me with the two of them, because “isn’t this crazy” she is bi and believes in an open relationship.

Um, excuse me?  WHAT THE FUCK?!  I was totally blindsided!! I’ve been seeing him for months and I’M the one that needs to be “included” like a little side piece?  Because he is developing feelings that apparently he never had for me?  WOW!!

I was FLOORED!!  OUCH! 😦 😦 😦  He approached it like it was some important thing he had to tell me and was like “I understand if you never want to talk to me again”. I said “so I got sick and you found someone else and now you want me to settle with second place….yeah, fuck off”.  He said okay and a few hours later sent me some bullshit poem about a “Ride or Die Chick”. I told him “go fuck yourself” and he laughed then said okay he would consider himself deleted. 

He said I was being hostile and that he had always treated me with respect and never treated me second class and that he had told this woman all about me.  He said he really talked me up and that he told her how much respect he had for me and my kids and that he had to include me in his life.  He added that we had always “gone beyond the friends situation” and that he wanted to continue to do so.

I told him there was nothing respectful about asking me to take a backseat because he fell in love with someone and to please never contact me again.  He started getting mad and said I was acting like a bitch.  He commented that I have all these men “on the side” so what am I talking about?  I was like “whatever, I never asked you to take a backseat to anyone, I don’t treat people that way.  I’ve also never called you out of your name.  I’m done, goodbye and good riddance”. 

He responded by telling me it was my fucking loss, that I am wack and left a voice message again saying I was acting like a bitch and telling me to fuck off.  Then he blocked (and later unblocked) me on Whatsapp.  I decided to block him after that and haven’t talked with him since.

My blood was boiling for a few days there.  I mean, he has some fucking NERVE trying to get me to hang around for scraps after he has decided he prefers someone else.  Add that I had told him a little bit about what happened with the married woman and the Professor and it was just adding insult to injury.  Unbelievable.

There is no way in HELL I want to put myself in a position where I am having to compete with another woman like that again.  I didn’t sign up to be the jumpoff.  They can both go jump off a fucking cliff!! 

After calming down a little bit, I can see that if he’d approached me differently I might not have been so upset, but it’s still not a position I want to be in.  Clearly he was envisioning bi threesomes and all kinds of fun, but um, I’ve TOLD him my big fear about threesomes with another woman is being left out.  How the heck would I feel being the unloved one in the group.  NO THANKS! 😦

What’s crazy is the day before he was going on about how I give the best head he’s ever had in his life and asking me to rate his sexual performance.  He said he wanted to be my number 1 and how close was he? “Be honest”. I finally said “you’re in the top ten” and he wasn’t satisfied with that.  So I was like well, probably the top 5.  (Reasoning that the Married man, then Mr Firm, then the Professor, followed by a tie between the Pilot and the Fuck Buddy might get him there).  He still wasn’t liking it and I said that wasn’t fair because I don’t ask him to rate me.  So he claimed I am his #1 head giver and #3 otherwise.  I was like “only #3?” and he said that was because there was a 3 way tie and if he ranked alphabetically.  Yeah, whatever…. but I think it’s kind of fucked up that if he likes the sex that much he would try and fuck it up by announcing that he was in love with some bitch he has known for all of TWO WEEKS???  How do you fall “in love” that fast anyway? 

I don’t know but I am kind of in an emotional mess over it.  It seems like the minute I dropped my guard and started to let him in, he turned on me!  That seems to happen far too frequently with men. 😦  Makes me think none of them are trustworthy at all.  It’s like the minute you start to let them know you actually like them they decide it’s time to stick a knife in your back.  Fuck him!  Or rather not, I don’t know that I could ever go there again, I feel so disrespected. He wants to make ME the secondary?  Really?  To some woman he just met??  Isn’t that backwards????  Shouldn’t he be putting ME first? What’s messed up is I thought I was doing everything right, never causing drama, giving great blowjobs, trying to keep it all positive and my reward is getting knocked to the side….nice. 

I am so fucking offended it is hard to get over it.  Thank God for my Fuck Buddy or I think I’d hate all men right now.  He is my lifesaver. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two women, every man’s dream

Are there any men on earth that DON’T want threesomes with two women?  Not many, that’s for sure.  If a guy senses you are in the least bit open about sex it almost always seems to come up eventually.  I can’t really blame them because I can see how, for a man, it would seem like a dream come true…two women and him being the only male there, sucking up all the attention and affection.  I think that’s how the scene must play out in their heads anyway. 

I think in reality things aren’t always quite like the fantasy.  I’ve heard of cases where the women were so into each other that the man ended up feeling left out.  In others one of the women gets shafted or jealousy ensues.  This is what I’m afraid of.

It doesn’t help that my only “almost threesome” experience with another female didn’t turn out well at all.  We were young and the guy involved really wasn’t concerned with our feelings or making it a great experience for us.  That and it wasn’t planned and she and I weren’t about to touch one another, lol.  I think both of us as adults are capable of sleeping with another female but we are also both more into men and weren’t the least bit interested in each other like that. 

Basically this is how it went down.  My female friend and I were headed over to hang out with this guy, who we had both slept with before. He was a really good looking guy with a huge cock and a gigantic ego to match. He came to our town occasionally because his dad lived there, in a really big house over in the “rich” neighborhood.  So late one night we snuck out to see him and another guy was supposed to be there as well but never showed up.  I guess he couldn’t sneak out of his house. 

In any case my friend liked this guy more than I did.  My only sexual experience with him previously hadn’t been that great.  He was TOO well endowed and it had hurt and we’d had kind of awkward sex.  He was hot but I can’t say I ever liked his personality all that much.  He was definitely a bit of a jerk.

So anyway, we show up and he ushers us into the huge downstairs rec room.  The lights were off and we had to be quiet so as not to wake his father and stepmother who were fast asleep above us.  Anyhow somehow he got us to lay on the carpet next to each other and kept telling us to be really quiet.  I can’t even remember who he slept with first but it was pitch black and he basically went back and forth between us while squeezing us together so our shoulders were all pushed up against each other.  We both just kind of let him do it and there wasn’t a lot of excitement in it for anyone (well, maybe him, I don’t know, lol).  There was no oral sex, neither of us females had any orgasms, no foreplay, nothing dammit, lol.  I’m not even sure why we let him get away with it other than that we both just weren’t aggressive enough to say anything and we were trying to keep quiet and not wake anyone. 

He spent more time having sex with her than me, I guess because they already liked each other, and she was demanding a little more of his attention and they were kissing (I don’t think I he and I kissed at all). It left me with a horrible feeling of being left out.  Afterwards she claimed she didn’t like it either and that she was upset when he was with me too.  I didn’t care enough about the guy for it to ruin my friendship with her but the feeling of being less preferred was pretty awful.  The whole walk home I felt sick.  She and I agreed to play it off like it had been our idea to people (because we knew everyone would hear about it, we were still in high school) so that’s what we did.  Of course every guy wanted to try it with us after that but we never went there again.

So after that sucky FMF get together I haven’t been very eager to try it again! My associations with having sex with another female there are very negative and there is a lot of fear of jealousy and rejection. Men still try relentlessly though to convince me otherwise and they all insist that I just had a bad experience, which I’m sure is true.  I know that isn’t how a threesome with another female is supposed to look!  Still there is a big “what if” in my mind regarding what if he totally goes for the other girl and not me or I start feeling awful like I did that first time because he is seeming to pay more attention to her.  I can see myself very quickly getting to the point where I just want to get up and leave and it may even be totally irrational.  He may be totally trying to give us equal attention but I STILL feel like that.  So knowing that is a possibility has put me off.

HOWEVER, I’m trying to get over that hurdle.  I participated in a six-some after a swinger party recently and that wasn’t a problem at all!  There were two other women involved but also three men and me so we each had someone to play with at all times if we wished to.  I never felt jealous or upset during that experience.  Plus I played with the women too.  So technically there were times when the guys were just watching the women play, but they didn’t seem to mind! 😉

Anyway, I still think its something I need to go into cautiously, with the right people, in order to feel okay with it all.  Recently my married friend has wanted to look for a third woman to play with us.  I told him I felt skeptical and why and he swore up and down that he has tons of experience with threesomes with women and that he knows exactly how to make everyone happy and that he will ensure that I never feel left out.  If it were any other guy telling me that I might think he was full of shit but Mr. Married Guy is good enough in bed to satisfy, like 10 women, lol.  I’m not even kidding!!! 

So I agreed to look with him and we put out an ad and got a few responses.  Some were even pretty promising but nothing ever materialized, partly due to his difficulty in getting away and coming down here to visit in the first place.  We still may sometime though.  We also came across interesting people like a man pretending to be a woman and sending us pics of himself in pink panties…that was pretty shocking, lmao.  Then there was this 53 year old woman who was all “ok, I’ll be there and I’m bringing the strap on and the nipple clamps and like 10 other toys” lol.  WOW…maybe a little advanced for me there, haha. I told Mr. Married Guy and he said DAMN and I was like who are the nipple clamps for because I sure as hell am not wearing them, haha.  She was also asking about how big his cock was to make sure it wasn’t too big for anal.  Not quite my idea of a gentle reintroduction to threesomes but whatever, lol.  I still have her email so you never know. Then there was a pregnant girl.  We were totally okay with that and it probably would have worked out if it hadn’t been for his schedule but I can’t say I am all that disappointed that it didn’t.

So he’s kind of let it drop, but the Professor makes references to threesomes from time to time.  I’m pretty sure he’d be more than happy to have one with me and he actually had me text a woman on his phone after a party we’d been to to ask if she was interested but her husband wanted to play too and they don’t play alone.  Husband was totally unsexy and I just couldn’t go there.  The Professor makes jokes about it and has mentioned that he had an experience where it was him and like 3 women once.  He also tries to encourage me to participate in threesomes with couples from the swinger website but I’m just not sure I want to.  He claims I’d always be the center of attention with a couple like that, but then I’d worry about the wife feeling bad. 

Anyhow, the other day my fuck buddy brought it up.  With him I think it would be okay because we are not emotionally involved at all and I don’t think I’d be jealous.  So I asked if he had anyone in mind.  He didn’t but went and found a couple that was interested in meeting us.  We may try and do that soon.  I texted back and forth with the guy from that couple quite a bit the other day and he acted like they are really interested.  Then he mentioned that HE has always had a fantasy of two women and that his wife got to fulfill hers with two men but he hasn’t gotten his yet….yeah, now I am being asked to have a threesome by yet ANOTHER guy, lol.  EYEROLL…..haha  The saga continues…..I’m sure I’ll end up doing it eventually!