Tag Archive | pole dancing

Pole dancing and picking up girlfriends

poledance

Meeting guys is easy. Dating sites, sex sites, Craigslist, bars, walking through the grocery store, you name it, there are all sorts of places to meet men. I tend to get hit on pretty frequently when I am out without my children, and sometimes when I have them with me. Not necessarily by anyone I WANT to be hit on by, lol, but whatever, it still boosts my ego.

Not that I am out very often sans kids. It’s quite rare, actually. They are mostly attached to my hip when I’m in public. So that hampers things a bit too. In the event that a guy talks to me with my kids standing there, I am much more reserved and unlikely to show interest. That hasn’t stopped a random guy from KISSING me in the grocery store parking lot awhile back (while my kids were in the van after he followed us out)and occasional men hounding for my number or simply talking and appearing interested. My 13 year old son sometimes points out his observations to me. “That guy likes you”. Yeah, HE can even tell, lol.

I’m not horrible looking or anything but I also don’t look like a supermodel. I think the reason I get hit on a lot probably has more to do with the fact that I smile a lot and maybe look “approachable”. I’m generally polite and friendly to strangers. Sometimes guys take this to mean more than it actually does.

One of my sisters, who is quite attractive, claims men rarely talk to her. I think in her case it has more to do with the fact that she appears “closed” and brushes people off. She’s not as open and warm. If I didn’t know her I wouldn’t talk to her either. I’d be afraid she’d tell me off, lol.

In any case, I find meeting men to basically be a piece of cake. If I want to go on a date, I just go glance through the zillions of emails I have on Plenty of Fish or OkCupid and pick a few to respond to on a night I have free. Usually at least one will ask me out right then. OR I throw out a Craigslist ad and generally get several responses before they flag and take it down. Then there’s the swinger site and an occasional option there that seems interesting. That doesn’t always wield great results, but hey it’s easy to at least find a guy who wants to meet.

They’re everywhere, even if the ones I genuinely LIKE and have good chemistry with are fewer and farther between. I’ve heard the statistic somewhere that there are 500 men for every woman on online dating sites! I don’t know if that’s actually the case but there are definitely a lot of fish in the sea, whether they are good catches or not. Of course, I also have a few men in my life that I like and have available for sex already, even though they don’t all live close by. So generally, guys are easy.

Now WOMEN on the other hand, are really difficult. I’m not even talking about for sex. Men complain about that I know, but I’m just talking friendship. It’s really hard for me to meet female friends. Ladies, you know how we are. Often cliquish and reluctant to let a new woman into the fold.

Don’t get me wrong, I have women friends that I’ve known since childhood and I have sisters. They all live far away, though it’s great to talk on the phone and have an occasional visit. The women I know around here are mostly people I knew during the years I was married to a man in ministry. So that means they are hardcore Conservative Christians. Most of them are married. I’m the odd woman out.

Anyway, despite the male attention, I really MISS having some girlfriends to hang out with! When the Professor goes on his guys nights out (he plays poker with some guy friends once in a while and not too long ago took a road trip to watch a football game, stuff like that), I’m happy for him but it also makes me wish even more that I had some female company as well. The problem is where to find some!

I’m not really in a position to go out often without my children. I used to be in MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and met a lot of women there but it also has that Christian focus. Lovely ladies and we had fun but they aren’t women I can let down with and enjoy a glass of wine or more adult activities. I also felt that pressure to put on a certain “face” and be that perfect wife and mother around them. When I got divorced I felt a little bit ostracized. The same was very much true for my experience with women in the church. Suddenly my “friends” weren’t so “friendly” anymore, now that I am divorced. That was a part of why we dipped out of church and all its accompanying fakeness.

Shortly after my divorce I wanted to meet some other single females to hang out with that were more my speed so I tried a local Meetup group. I met with a couple of ladies for drinks and it was fairly nice but they were all married and a bit boring. Still I would have gone out with them again if my ex- husband’s schedule hadn’t changed to where he wasn’t taking the children in the evenings. Due to that I was unable to attend meetings for quite a while and they dropped me from the list. 😦 Finding and affording childcare for me to have time to go out is generally difficult.

Anyway, the last time the Professor had a men’s poker night and was sending me pics of the guys playing and stuff I told him I really wished I had a way to meet some other women and he had a great (and obvious- duh!) idea! He said what about at the gym? I was like I never talk to women at the gym, we are mostly just on our own machines working out with headphones on. He said what about taking a class?

The wheels started turning, how could I not have thought about that?? I work out daily anyway and have a membership at the YMCA. There is free childcare there and plenty of classes offered. I’d seen some aerobic dance classes going on a while back and even seen friends of mine post stuff on Facebook about Zumba, which totally sounded like my cup of tea! I love doing dance style workouts at home.

I immediately went down and got a schedule and they offer Crossfit and Zumba and Pilates and a few other different classes. The Zumba classes are offered in the evenings at a time that would be great for me and you don’t have to sign up but just show up whenever you want to come. PERFECT! 🙂 I went to three classes last week and really enjoyed it. Decent music and the moves are fun and easy to follow. The women seemed nice though the instructor one of the days and another woman were going on about a great worship service at church, so yeah, more church ladies but maybe not everyone.

Anyhow, the Professor made another comment about me liking my pole dancing experience at the last swinger party and he wondered if they offered classes about that. Of course the Y here doesn’t. They have classes that only play Contemporary Christian music though. Gagging here, that is like the worst music ever. I can’t STAND Contemporary Christian music, even all those years in church. I’d much rather listen to gospel or hymns or praise and worship music than Contemporary Christian, it just SUCKS, lol. It all sounds the same and is just horrible. One of the reasons I was turned off by one guy I had sex with a couple of times was because he insisted on blasting this horrible sounding music by Creed in the car when he was driving and telling me how great it was. YUCK!! How can anyone listen to that shit? But I digress…

So anyway, I decided to look online for pole dancing classes in this area. At first I couldn’t find anything and thought it was a hopeless search. THEN I finally came across a place a few miles out of town that offers some pole dancing classes that are a combination of that with belly dancing, yoga, pilates and some other stuff. The whole place sounded really hippy and New Age, but kind of intriguing. They were very mysterious as to what they actually do there, only women are allowed and it’s way out in the middle of nowhere on some kind of renovated farm down a dirt road. The descriptions were very mystical.

The intro class was only $25. I had to try it, to see what this place was all about. Since my ex hadn’t taken the kids the previous weekend I had a reason to ask him to take them during the week too so I made an appointment.

Last night I dropped off the children and drove for about thirty minutes in the sleet down dark country roads looking for this place. I finally found it. There were some sort of creepy decorations on the gate and I drove down a long gravel drive to park outside the building where it would be held. Honestly I was feeling slightly afraid. Like, are these actually serial killers? Why is it way out in the middle of nowhere, why are they so secretive about what they do and why is it only women? It was dark and raining ice and that didn’t help. However, when I pulled up there was another woman arriving at the same time who had never been there before. We weren’t sure if we were even in the right spot because there were several buildings but decided to walk up the stone path to what looked like a remodeled cabin or garage of some sort.

Walking through the door we were greeted by a receptionist in a very relaxing, spa-like atmosphere and asked to fill out some forms. We joined two other girls who were doing the same, on some nice comfortable couches. On the wall were nude paintings of men and women dancing and sitting on park benches. I picked up what looked like a mint out of a bowl on the front desk, unwrapped it and popped it in my mouth. It tasted like some sort of organic horehound candy and was spicy too. Blech…

The papers I filled out were at first basic and then I had to sign some interesting forms promising not to share the secrets of what I did and learned there. So I have to be a bit vague, even with you all, sorry! I could hear the strains of “Dirty Diana” playing in the adjoining room before seeing the women in the previous class leave. Like us, there were only about 4 of them, one older woman maybe in her early 40’s and a few twenty- somethings.

The women in my class were in their early and late twenties or so, other than me, but I didn’t feel out of place. The instructor was older than me and the website made sure to assure us that all body types and ages were more than welcome. A few of us needed to use the restroom, so we had to leave the building and walk through the cold, wet weather into an adjoining building, past screaming cats in a garage and into what appeared to be someone’s house and laundry room. The mirror in the restroom was completely covered with little notes saying things like “you are a Goddess” and “your body is beautiful”.

We returned to the main building. Once we got signed in we were asked to leave our coats and purses and shoes in cubby holes and were taken into a darkened room with a few stripper poles and sat down on mats on the floor. The instructor was joined by the woman who was behind the desk.

The room and the atmosphere, I can only describe as very unique, yet inviting and warm and relaxing. There was a fake gas fireplace and dim red and yellow lanterns adorned the ceiling. No mirrors, any windows were completely covered with very dark curtains. It was sort of like being in a cave and had this Wiccan or Pagan “feel” to it. It reminded me a bit of when I was a kid and my grandmother used to take me to a hippy Sufi “church”, where we would light candles and chant.

We went around the room giving brief introductions and backgrounds. One woman had been in the military and wanted to get more in touch with her feminine side. The other two had previous experience in dance (not the erotic kind) and wanted to regain their skill in some way and learn something new. Me, I simply cited curiousity.

Anyhow, what transpired after that, I can’t really describe. We did a lot of relaxing exercises set to music that put you in a somewhat trancelike state, but it was both sexy and a bit like meditation. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. It was nice to let go of all the stress of the week and get lost in this new experience.

Then we got to work learning some sexy stances and exercises and trying a new trick on the poles. They had a couple of regular poles and a spinning one as well. It was amazingly easy to me (though they said they don’t start out with the “easy” moves necessarily) but also fun. I got compliments from the instructors on my gracefulness and ease and the way my long hair looked spinning around on the pole. No one said anything negative to anyone. One woman (the military girl) struggled with a bit of awkwardness but was only given encouragement and helpful tips. There was a lot of cheering on and positive reinforcement.

Afterwards we sat on a soft couch together and watched as the instructors did a demo of what we would learn if we take the regular course. It was mesmerizing, entrancing and something I would definitely like to try! I’m waiting for a little bit of tax money to come in and then pretty sure I will enroll in a short course. It’s really not too expensive and I think it will be a lot of fun. They offer courses at several different times. I think it’ll be awesome, relaxing, a bit empowering and maybe I’ll get to meet new friends too, not to mention learn a few skills that I may get a chance to show off at some point, like at one of the swinger parties. They almost always have a stripper pole standing around somewhere.

Between that and Zumba I at least have a running start in meeting new girlfriends. Women can be hard to get to know sometimes and I realize that in general around here I don’t fit in. I actually feel kinda bad because back when I first got divorced I remember a woman emailing me on OkCupid saying she was really just looking for friendship and didn’t know where to start. I didn’t email her back because at that time she seemed needy and I had a lot on my plate plus it seemed a little odd, but maybe she was just someone like me, who didn’t know where to find other women to relate to! Hopefully things worked out for her and soon will for me as well. 🙂

Ken and Barbie go to a party….

gijoe

This weekend the Professor and I went to another swinger party. It was held in a strip club that had been privately reserved, had much better music and a full service bar. These particular parties are known by local swingers as the “Ken and Barbie” parties. You have to pass the attractiveness test by sending the hosts a photo and they are more expensive than the others. A lot of people come in from out of town. I was surprised that so many were from so far away. We’ve decided it must be due to the anonymity factor of being out of their hometowns.

Anyhow, we attended the Valentines party and the atmosphere was great. Strip poles everywhere, halfway open booths where people were later getting busy, a sex swing room with mirrors, black light with little colored lights bouncing around, pulsating music, XXX movies playing in the background and lots of great looking people aged 25-50 or so. The huge (pardon my pun) difference was that there were hardly ANY overweight folks at all, a stark contrast to some of the other parties we’ve been to.

Maybe it was the black lights that made them stand out so much but there did seem to be a preponderance of bleach blonde women with long, Barbie like hair, lol. Some of them were wearing lingerie, some in casual date wear and others were dressed to the nines in little black dresses and diamond necklaces. One tall brunette was in a tutu. Others were topless or even naked and dancing around the stripper poles when we came in. Me, I was wearing a red, velvety, sleeveless, backless top with a ruffle that wrapped around the neck and down the front of the shirt on both sides, skintight black leggings, knee- high, black, leather, boots, big fake diamond earrings and a chunky gold bracelet. My hair was down, long and flowing. Underneath was a strapless black bra and red and black lace panties with a little fake diamond heart on the side. The Professor was dressed similarly to most of the men there, in nice dress slacks and a button down (yeah they have it easy, lol). One guy was wearing this sleeveless Chip’ n Dale style tuxedo top, but I’m pretty sure he was the only one, haha.

Compared to the other parties we’ve been to, this was definitely the hip spot to be and it was right here in town. Single men aren’t allowed so the Professor had never been with this particular group either, though he knew a few people there. The first couple we ran into was a woman he’d had sex with previously. She was actually really nice and they emailed later inviting us to meet with them together. I’m unsure, because, while her husband was nice enough, I’m not sure he’s really a person I’d want to sleep with.

Sometimes I think for me to swing I really would have to drop my standards quite a bit just for the experience. Even at the very first party where we had sex with a couple other couples I can’t say I was super into the men, they just were “okay” and not UN-attractive or gross or anything. I’ve told the Professor I’m okay with that sometimes but he’s said I don’t have to do anything I don’t really want to and he won’t push.

In any case we ran into a couple that we had met before at a previous party (one I didn’t write about). At that party, the Professor had been into the woman but I just couldn’t go there with the man. He was not attractive to me at all and when I danced with him he spent the whole time talking about his wife and how beautiful he thought she was and how hard it was for him to share her. All I could think was “poor guy” and wasn’t really attracted. After all, he wasn’t doing anything to indicate a real interest in ME other than telling me how great it was to get to dance with another woman. I wasn’t all that excited about hearing him ramble on about HER, even if it was sweet that he felt that way about his wife.

They were new at swinging at the time and that was about 4 months ago. Well, lo and behold they had found another “perfect” couple to swap with and were clearly deep in the throes of NRE (New Relationship Energy, for those who aren’t aware of the term- basically it is the infatuation people tend to feel at the beginning that eventually fades off). In fact, I almost didn’t recognize the man because he was with a pretty new blonde and by the way they were acting you’d think THEY were the husband and wife, same with his wife and the other man. Cute. He looked different too, like more attractive (though still not my type). I guess you could say they were “glowing”. His wife and her new beau were the same way. Previously I hadn’t been able to get why the Professor found her appealing at all but now it made a little more sense.

According to them they’d spent the night before swapping in their own home while their six children were sleeping. Yikes.. They said they had to get up and switch early in the morning so no kids would find them in the wrong bed. A little too close for comfort for me I guess. I’ve never even brought a man over for sex when my children were in the home other than when my daughter was under two years old and fast asleep.
Anyhow the Professor really seemed to like the new blonde as well. I can’t say I blame him, she was pretty and fun. She also made sure to mention to me when he wasn’t within earshot that they were not looking to play with anyone other than each other that night and were just hanging out to socialize. So I knew, even if the Professor didn’t, that wasn’t a real possibility.

Also, out of his earshot, the guy says to me that he really thinks the Professor and I should have a couples profile on the swinger website since we are there so often together. He was telling me this as though it was my responsibility to do so, which I found a bit annoying. I mean, for me to insist on that would make me look like I am pushing a type of relationship that the Professor may not even want, upon him. Ugh. I mean, I don’t even know what to do about Valentine’s Day tomorrow at this point. We are not a “couple” technically, though he is the main guy I see. I’m totally waiting it out. I feel like any displays of “relationship” behavior need to start with him.

Eventually during the night I did end up making out with her, at the Professors encouragement. He was behind me and touching and fingering the both of us as we kissed and touched each other. It was fun until, out of the blue, she pinched my nipple really hard. Ouch!! WTF? I laughed it off but yeah, I didn’t like that at all. I have really sensitive nipples and am not into anything rough with them. I think she thought it was fun or sexy but totally not my thing!

Probably the most interesting couple we ran into that night though was a woman who is only a couple of years younger than me but has known the Professor since she was in the 8th grade. He didn’t coach her team because she played another sport but she has known him half her life as a coach and also attended the college he works at now. I’m sure running into him at her first swinger party was interesting to say the least! I asked her, when the guys stepped away to go to the bar, if she was in shock and she was like “OMG!!! YES!!! HAHAHA!!!”

She and I hit it off pretty well and she kept saying to him “Oh MY GOD, I just love her!!! She looks so innocent!!” (Yeah, yeah) I was like “don’t worry, I’m NOT, haha”. When he stepped away she told me he’s really a great guy. That’s not the first time a woman that has known him in some capacity outside of sex has said that to me about him either. Awwww….

So anyhow the Professor was obviously pretty excited about this all. You could tell he would REALLY like to hook up with her. He was suggesting to me that I should make out with her and at one point we did. Also, her husband was HOT. He had an accent and looked like he might be Russian or something. Green eyes, light brown hair, chiseled model like features and he obviously worked out! Still he was a little more quiet than she was so didn’t get to know him as much.

The only other guy that stood out to me at the party was the DJ, who was the only other black man there besides the Professor and he was pretty dang cute but I never got a chance to talk to him. Not long after we got there the Professor had pulled me aside to mention he’d seen that guy and that I had his “permission” to flirt but he never let me out of his sight or near the guy so it didn’t happen, lol.

Anyhow, back to this girl the Professor already knew. Yeah, he was really interested in her and to be honest, even though I liked and enjoyed being with her too I was a little bit intimidated. She was super cute and very athletic, but tiny. She was barely 5 feet tall though she had on 6 inch heels so that made her seem taller, had big blue eyes, with tiny little features and dark brown hair. She’d obviously never had children.

This woman is a personal trainer as one of her side jobs and has a stripper pole in her living room. She knew all kinds of tricks and was up there on the pole doing acrobatic, hanging upside down shit that I’d never even attempt to try, at least at this point, lol. Actually, I’d never even seen anyone work a stripper pole before in my life. I’d never been in a strip club and have only seen little tidbits, on like, the Jerry Springer show, ha! I rarely even watch tv, let alone stuff like that.

Anyhow, she was trying to get me to come up and dance on the pole with her and I was all oh Hell no, but what can I say, I finally let myself be convinced. She was whispering to me not to worry about it the guys were all hammered anyway and wouldn’t know the difference. SO, in my somewhat vodka and cranberry- induced state I agreed and she promised to help me out so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself, lol. True to her word she was talking quietly to me through her teeth the entire time giving instructions and I think I did okay. 😉 We managed to stay in sync anyway. There was a crowd of people watching and we were right in front of the DJ- damn, I would have liked to have talked to him too! Ah well…

Afterwards she was like “see, you’re a natural!” and I don’t know about all that, but I did have fun. We were playing around and acting sexual with each other and eventually kissed and made out, which of course the Professor loved. He was there holding me then too. At one point she slapped me really hard on the ass though. What the hell is it with these aggressive women? Haha Damn….

So he starts telling her that I am really submissive in bed, which is true and she says she is more of a domme. Whatever, we all have our own preferences but I admit it left me wondering, because he seemed so interested in her, if that isn’t something he would like better.

Actually, I was starting to compare myself in a LOT of ways, which was really hard not to do and not to feel insecure about things he may like better about her than me. It makes me wonder if I’d be able to handle the swapping after all, if we got down to it, because I’d also worry since they’ve known each other a long time that he would fall in love with her or vice versa. I’m trying to get past that though. I know it’s not good to compare myself it’s just hard sometimes. Help! 😦

He exchanged numbers with her husband and I was worried that maybe he was gonna try to hook up with them on his own sometime but he’s since said stuff that lets me know he would at least want to include me. I guess that doesn’t mean he always would but it’s a start. He commented that the guy was decent looking and it’s true that that is rarely the case!

We didn’t hook up with anyone that night other than each other, but there are a couple possibilities for the future. We also went home to his place and had really hot sex with each other, after watching some other couples at the club. So all in all it wasn’t a bad experience at all and we had a good time and met some fun people. Looking forward to more adventures soon! 😉

kenandbarbie