Tag Archive | parties

Some Cohort Confusion

noteating_Large

Remember how I said things seemed to be heading towards more serious with the Cohort? Apparently he thought so too. In fact, he wanted to bring up a “discussion” about it. Sigh…

It was his idea to talk about this. He admitted that I had never given any real indication that I thought the relationship needed to go anywhere. He now says he regrets even bringing it up, that it was probably too soon and that he did so because HE was starting to feel emotions that made him think about me in that light.

Okay, but what he wanted to SAY was that he DOESN’T want the relationship to go anywhere. He said he’d been thinking about it and he just can’t handle it. He’s not ready to take on my kids or sure he could handle the whole swinger thing with someone he considered his “girl”.

He gave me some speech about how he thinks I am every bit WORTH all of that but he doesn’t think he can handle it. Then he said, who knows, he may change his mind later, he just didn’t want that expectation. THAT kind of pissed me off. I was like don’t do that to me. Don’t give me this talk about how you don’t want that then try to give me hope that things might change.

Anyhow, the whole discussion was REALLY upsetting. Mainly because I had never seriously allowed myself to even THINK like THAT. Not about him, not about anyone at all, since my divorce. I just assume most men are not going to want that kind of serious with me, due to the kids and general circumstances. Its a lot to take on. I don’t expect that at all, from anyone.

He brought all this up and made me think about things I don’t even allow myself to think about because I am too afraid to hope for it. It freaking CRUSHED me, to have him bring it up and dangle the thoughts in front of my face then turn around and be like, we can never have this because of the situation.

It’s not that I don’t understand. I do. I know all too well that it’s highly unlikely that most decent men would consider doing the family thing or anything close to marriage with me. I’m not saying this because I don’t think I am personally worth it, but because I have more than the average number of children and I know its a huge responsibility, both emotionally and financially, for anyone to consider.

Why did he bring this up?? He says it was because he’s been thinking about it a lot. That basically we’ve been behaving like we are already in a relationship, that he was seeing me as someone he could have a future with, because I’m like everything he wants in a woman, otherwise. Then he got to thinking about how we met (Craigslist! And the swinger site) and the whole swinger thing too and that kind of bothered him as well.

OUCH. 😦 The whole discussion just about killed me. I was crying over it for a couple of days. 😦 He said he felt really shitty even bringing it up because I’d never asked for or demanded anything of him relationship wise. He said he just wanted to be sure to remind us BOTH that its “just FWB”.

I felt like I was being rejected/dumped but he swears up and down that was not his intent. He says he would ideally like to keep everything we have the same. He still wants to hang out, have sex, go out to dinner or swingers parties, spend time together and have me help him with his business. All this, but without the expectation of “more”.

What’s funny is it’s not like I really EXPECTED that anyway. I would have been on cloud 9, yes, if he’d said he wanted that with me, but I’d never have dreamt of ASKING for it if he hadn’t said anything himself. Ugh. Just a bad thing to bring up, especially right before I started my period.

It made it even worse that he made a comment about how if he ever DID get into a serious relationship, it would be with someone like me. He said probably someone he just happened to meet, at a bar, on the swinger site, Craigslist or somewhere like that. I’m like nice, so now I have to worry about that happening at any time? Before I felt confident that he was really into me, but that kind of ripped it out from under my feet.

Emotionally I was a wreck. I was seriously considering having nothing to do with him again and decided not to go to this weekend long swinger party at the lake we had planned on. How could I in that state of mind? I’d suddenly feel threatened by other women and insecure, which would make it a bad experience for the both of us.

Actually, if he’d gone down by himself, at that point, I couldn’t have handled it either. I wouldn’t have been able to forgive him for making me feel like crap and then just walking away to go have fun and fuck other people, someplace we’d planned to go together, without making things right first. I would feel abandoned, whether or not it was reasonable.

I told him how I felt and that I wasn’t demanding he stay back or anything, he was free to do what he wants, but this is how it is affecting me. He said he would take that into consideration, and ultimately he decided to stay Friday night. He would probably go down to the lake Saturday, but he wanted to give us a chance to make up first.

We talked and decided we were both on the same page still and okay with doing everything we have been doing and no expectations. Feelings are fine and bound to be there but it doesn’t have to “go anywhere”. We’d still be free to act the same way. Both of us were relieved and done with the “relationship talk” for the time being.

Then he asked me out. We went to a jazz bar and had a good time, followed by dinner at a late night greasy hamburger joint. He spent the night at my house and we had lots of good sex and lots of laughs. He asked if I would still like to go to the swinger party with him and I agreed to come along. 🙂

The next morning we had more sex and showered and got ready to go. We went shopping together for alcohol and food and stuff for the trip, then headed that way. We had good talks on the way down but mostly avoided the whole relationship thing.

At the party we had a good time. There was no one there I particularly wanted to fuck, though there were some guys I definitely did NOT want to fuck. We had known that ahead of time and discussed some things about it, so it was all good.

He slept with three women at the party, once each, but spent a lot more time with me. I think we had sex about 5 or 6 times there, plus the few the night before and a few times after we came back home. He even said after the first woman he slept with that it made him want to be with me even more for some reason.

He was a little perturbed when a couple of men busted in on him having sex with a woman in order to ask if they could have permission to fuck ME. LOL They hadn’t even said anything to me at that point, but wanted to ask HIM first. Its amazing to me sometimes how much more respect guys will show towards another man in that situation, yet they will get all pushy with the woman when she’s alone. These same guys, once he said it was up to me, were hounding me a bit but I chose not to go there, even though they were trying to argue me into it while he was in the other room.

I just wasn’t feeling any of the men there that night, even though several asked. Him having sex with others mostly didn’t bother me at all. The only time I got mildly upset was when he made a comment about not knowing if he would have “anything left” for me at the end of the night. It rubbed me the wrong way for a minute and he didn’t like my reaction but we remedied that fairly quickly and he did have plenty left over, lol. :p

Oh and then Mr. Motorcycle happened to show up. Eeek! That was awkward. He came and tried to lay a guilt trip on me, saying he couldn’t fuck anyone there because he didn’t think they were as beautiful as I was. That really wasn’t even true as all of the women there were at least somewhat attractive and I’d say some were prettier than I am, definitely with better bodies. I’m less than perfect after having had kids. :p

So whatever. He didn’t stay long at all and maybe it did have something to do with me. He claimed he’s been pining over me since I stopped talking to him and I really hope that was bullshit. I hate hurting people’s feelings but he definitely was not a good guy for me, and he lied a lot.

There was one point where the Cohort offered to have a threesome with me and another guy but the guy was getting ready to leave. He was a younger guy, it was his first party, but he was actually pretty good looking. It could have been fun…damn. Oh well. I was glad that the Cohort at least was considering it. That could say good things about future parties, for me.

He said afterwards that he was a little concerned I hadn’t played. Mainly “concerned” because he’s still not sure how or if he is going to be able to handle it. He kind of wants to see how it goes down and how much it will or won’t bother him.

He said he really liked having me there with him, that he enjoyed the companionship more than anything else. If he’d been there by himself he’d have spent a lot more time alone. We spent a lot of time talking and making out, especially late at night. We slept in a room with several beds and other couples and people watched us fucking a couple of the times, so it wasn’t like I didn’t do ANYTHING.

We drank and talked and socialized with people and he commented later that he likes how friendly I am. He was a little concerned that people would automatically assume we are a “couple” because of how publicly affectionate we were but then said he really didn’t mind if people thought that. Some women expressed concern that I might be upset with him sleeping with them alone, but I wasn’t, same as the guys who wanted to double check before even trying with me.

I actually went out of my way to leave him alone for a little bit here and there so he COULD have a chance to be with other people. I wasn’t trying to spoil his fun or be monopolizing him the entire time. He still sought me out and wanted a lot of sex with me, so that made me feel good. I walked by him having sex with some of the other people and it really didn’t bug me in the least. I didn’t have any desire to join in or anything and once a husband beckoned me to come over but I shook my head no because I didn’t want to fuck HIM.

Not that the guys there were bad or anything. Actually a couple of the white guys might have been fuckable. I didn’t go there this time but no saying if I would or wouldn’t sometime in the future. It was nice to see some white guys who were not just sitting there being cuckholds and were actually getting it in at a party like this though. I think my viewpoint is a little tainted with seeing a lot of that lately.

The single black men that were there (this was an “interracial party”, in case that wasn’t clear) were not ones I was personally interested in fucking (I might have gone there with the young guy who left early, but the age thing does get to me) but they were fun to talk to. The Cohort was kind of surprised, and like, but so and so has a big dick. I’m like yeah, but I’m more about the person first and the dick second.

I’m trying not to fuck guys I’m not really feeling. I guess I’m probably even more like that when there is someone I really DO like there. Like, is it worth it when there is a chance it could upset him and I’m not really that into this guy? Nahhh… Now if Mr. Firm had showed up…I would have fucked him. He wasn’t able to come because he was coaching a kids game. Damn shame… 😉 Maybe next time. 🙂

Anyhow, I’m still a bit confused with the Cohort. I really, really do like him. I kind of wish he’d never opened that can of worms because it makes me feel like I am missing something. For now though, I’m just going to try and enjoy what we have going and not think too heavily about it.

Dancing, drama, and a quickie (party #2)

inthemoodforaquickie

On the way to the second party of the night, the Host warned me that the old guy and his wife, who have been at all of his other parties, would be there.  I was a little leery as to why he was telling me this and asked if they were spending the night.  He said no, and that he knew I didn’t like the older man.  In hindsight, I’m going to guess that this was his way of letting me know he wasn’t planning on giving me much attention.

He dropped me off at a table with these people, as soon as we arrived, and the redhead girl from the former parties, and then barely spoke to me until it was time to leave.  I tried to be friendly, but they were decidedly unwelcoming.  The old guy didn’t even look my direction and the redhead didn’t say much.  The other girl, well, later I heard her talking ABOUT me, and about how I was going to move up there, but she wasn’t saying anything directly TO me.

Wow.  Okay.  I felt like we were in junior high or something.  I’m pretty sure there was some jealousy involved because the one girl was making a point of talking loudly about her relationship to the Host and how he said she was special to him and that her husband knew and accepted all of this.  I mostly just ignored them and went off to do my thing, though I did see them looking at me a few times when I was dancing with different guys.  They stayed sitting at the table pretty much the entire time, with the redhead sometimes sitting on the old guy’s lap.

Rather than worry about feeling excluded, I just talked with the Mexican girls at the next table over, who were nice, and got up and walked around.  I was making my way to the restroom, when I slipped and almost fell on something wet on the floor.  The people whose table I was in front of stopped to talk with me a bit and tease me about my mishap.

This guy looked kind of like Don Knotts.  His wife was blonde and cute though.  They were with another couple and they all said they thought I was Mexican, because I was over there hanging with the Mexicans.  It wouldn’t be the first time people have thought that either, lol.

They asked who I had come there with and I pointed out the Host, who was off talking with people.  The Don Knotts looking guy said “oh, I heard he is the ‘exception to the rule'” (wink, wink).  I’m pretty sure he was referring to his endowment, and I was thinking, I can’t believe he just said that, but played dumb, like I had no clue what he meant.  Mr. Host may not be that well endowed, but he’s pretty damn good in bed.  I’m sure as hell not complaining! Honestly, he’s just as good, if not better, than a lot of guys that are more so.

Shortly after that, a man asked me to dance.  He was a tall, slightly older, black man with a streak of gray in his hair.  I would  guess him to be in his late 40’s.  He said this was his first time at one of these parties and claimed not to remember having made a profile on the swinger site.  I’m not sure how he got in otherwise, though. 

We danced to a couple songs, then he wanted to go check out some of the rooms at the club.  They have public and private rooms where people can have sex.  I’d been to this place before with Mr. Motorcycle, but it was a different club and they were charging for private rooms.  This one, they were free.

He pulled me into a private room and closed and locked the door.  We took off our clothes and fucked on the couch.  He wore a magnum condom that I don’t think he needed and it lasted about 30 seconds, before he came.  We got dressed and left the room, pretending like nothing had happened. He later asked me to dance again and was raving about the “great time” we had together.

A few minutes later, I was walking near that same room and a Mexican guy aggressively grabbed and started kissing me.  I was pulling away and the Host walks out of the nearby room that is set aside for smokers.  He walked up to me and took my arm, telling the guy I’d talk to him “later”.  He said to me “see, I am always watching you, always looking out for you, I don’t miss a thing”.  I was thinking yeah, except for the fact that I just fucked someone in that same room like 5 minutes ago, lol.

So I sit down for a minute at our table and am sipping on my drink when a tall, biracial guy walks by and pulls on my hair.  I ignored him so he walks back and pulls it again.  I’m kinda giving him a “leave me alone” look, and look back at my drink,so he goes up to the redhead and does the same thing.  She ignores him and looks away too.  Then he walks up behind the woman that is all into Mr. Host and grabs her ass. 

She flipped and told him to back off.  Her husband comes charging at the guy and a bunch of people have to hold him back.  Mr. Host gets in the middle of it all and starts trying to talk to the mixed man, while the security guys are running in.  Presumably, he was explaining that this was inappropriate.  The guy was yelling but I couldn’t hear what Mr. Host was saying. 

It took seemingly forever and lots of talking, between this guy, Mr. Host and the security guys but finally this man was asked to leave the party.  As he is heading out to the parking lot, his girlfriend flips out, something about him having her credit cards on him, and punches him in the face! 

Everyone is standing there waiting to see if he would hit her back, but he kept his arms down at his side, even though they were screaming at one another.  Finally, she got into her car and took off.  I don’t know what he did after that, but he wasn’t allowed back in the club.

Back at the table, this girl whose ass he grabbed is going on about how her husband had her back but COMPLAINING about Mr. Host not getting upset enough.  WTF?  I’m thinking, if anything, he was overreacting.  He was way involved in the situation and really all the guy did was grab her ass.  I’ve had that happen multiple times at swinger parties and never made a scene about it.  He shouldn’t have, but really, after she said something, he backed off. So it didn’t need to turn into a 5 alarm emergency.  She was clearly enjoying all the drama and attention directed at her.

I drifted away from all the drama and a 27 year old white guy asked me to dance.  He was telling me he had never been to a swinger party before but had decided to come here when he was moping about his ex and thinking that she was probably fucking other people.  He said the idea turned him on and somehow that led him to decide to try a swinger party tonight.  I wasn’t into this guy but was listening to his story and basically humoring him.  He was okay looking, I just wasn’t that attracted.

We sat at a table, drinking for a few minutes and then he said something about wanting to look around so we walked past some of the public sex rooms.  He invited me into one and I was hesitant.  Mr. Host was standing a few feet away, with his back to me, talking to people and I was kind of hoping he would see and help get me out of this situation, but he didn’t. 

I was holding back and the guy was like come on, we can just go sit in there and watch.  There were a few couples in there but they weren’t doing anything more than kissing.  I reluctantly walked in the room with him and sat on the couch.  He didn’t try anything at first and I was watching the porn on the big screen and noticing that there were several single guys standing outside the door, staring (they aren’t allowed to come in unless they are with a woman or couple).  It was a bit creepy.  They were like hungry vultures, looking at some prey, lol.

I was using their staring as my excuse not to engage with this guy when he started trying to kiss on my neck.  I would pull away from him but he just kept going for it.  I noticed he had a quarter sized hole in the crotch of his jeans and I was like WTF?  lol  He pulled me on his lap and was kissing my neck and rubbing my shoulders. I was feeling really uncomfortable and it was obvious because one of the Mexican guys, who was standing in the doorway, later told me I really looked like I didn’t want to be in there.  He questioned “you didn’t like that guy did you?” when we were dancing. 

I finally said something about how I needed to go talk to Mr. Host and got up and walked out of the room, leaving the poor guy behind.  Mr. Host was in another room, talking and goofing off with one of the club owner’s wives, so I didn’t actually talk to him but sat down at our table. 

Her husband came up to me.  He said he remembered me coming to his club with the Pilot.  I was like “oooh, you are good, you even remember who I was with” and he said yeah, the Pilot is one of his friends.  I’m pretty sure, at the time, the Pilot had been talking about arranging something with these people, but the guy actually seems kinda shy.

Anyhow, his wife, and a bunch of the Mexican girls, wanted me to come out and dance, so I did.  A lot of dancing after that, the Mexican folks were a bunch of party animals, lol.  I danced with the girls, danced with different guys, danced on the pole with a bunch of girls, danced on a pole by myself and finally sat down, exhausted, in my chair.  So this Mexican girl comes over and gives me a lap dance, and all these guys are watching. 

She was asking if I wanted to come to their after party later and I said I wasn’t sure, I was just going wherever Mr. Host was.  Some of the other Mexican folks went over and talked to him and came back saying he was “definitely” coming to party with them, so I would be too.  It was like 3 in the morning and I was honestly pretty tired and not feeling in the mood for that but I didn’t say so.

Finally, Mr. Host comes over and asks me do I want to go with the Mexicans or just come back to his house for some “alone time”.  I was going to say “alone time” but then he asked me if I had “gotten mine” yet.  I said “a little bit” and he was like “a little??” I’m pretty sure he thought since I’d been gone a long time (with that white guy) that I must have been fucking someone.  I was, of course, referring to the 30 second fuck I’d had earlier, lol.

So he says hold on a minute and goes over to talk to these biker people.  He came back and said I tell you what, we are going to take them back to the house for “a little fun” and then we can kick them out and it will just be you and me.

 I took one look at these people and said “I am not fucking any of those guys”.  The guys had long, Duck Dynasty beards and fucked up teeth.  They were definitely not my type.  Mr. Host said “oh, no, I would NEVER expect you to do that” and that now I am going to find out about his “bad side”.  He said they were just coming over to smoke a little weed. He again joked about me getting my “30 seconds” later (if only he knew…)

I’m like, okay whatever and one of the couples comes along and gets in his truck with us.  Ugh.  I guess they didn’t have their own vehicle with them and had been drinking.  So I know he’s going to have to take them back home or something later too.  Plus, the guy was just obnoxious.

Anyhow, I’ll tell you all more about it later. 😉  I actually ended up having some fun later in the night, but I promise you it wasn’t with the biker, lmao! 😉

“I’m not like those other guys who just want sex…”

cuddling

I had a pretty chill Valentines Day this year. Mostly spent it with my kids but I was happy to hear from all the current guys from my life. Even Mr. Firm, who was off on a little romantic getaway with his girlfriend, remembered to text me, which put a smile on my face. It definitely helped combat the single-girl blues to know that there are a few guys who cared enough to say something. 🙂

The roads were finally clear enough for me to head to the city this weekend.  I had some business to do up there and the Host said I could stay overnight with him.  He said he had planned to go to to some swinger parties in another city and had three different couples lined up where he was supposed to have sex with the wife, but cancelled because of me. 

He claimed he would rather spend time with me and that we could go to some swinger parties.  He had reserved a hotel at one, then later decided we would go to two and “network” with some of the club owners in the area that he had spoken with.  They are working with him to help promote some of his parties.  He hopes to eventually open a club.

I got to his house around 8 pm and got ready to go out.  He stopped at the liquor store on the way and grabbed a couple bottles of wine.  He also brought along a couple of bottles of water, or so I thought, until I tried to take a drink out of one of them at the party and discovered it was vodka, lol.  I wasn’t the only one who made that mistake. 😉

Beforehand, he warned me that we were only going to spend a couple of hours at the first party, then we’d be going to a second.  He’d cancelled the hotel reservation and said if we brought anyone home it would be the club owners. 

The first party was the hotel one I once went to with Mr. Motorcycle.  It wasn’t near as packed as it had been the first time, but I did recognize a couple of familiar faces.  We put our coats and things down at a table with a couple of people. A woman I’ve met before came up to chat with me, while Mr. Host wandered off and was talking to people across the room.

When the woman left I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself.  I politely talked with the women sitting at the table for a minute but that was pretty boring.  Mr. Host seemed occupied, socializing, and I didn’t want to stand there looking like a dork.  I knew I didn’t want to be stuck at a table the whole time, like I was when I went to that party with Mr. Motorcycle, though.

Mr. Firm and I had actually talked about some of this beforehand and he had given me some advice.  He’d said to make sure and talk to the Host beforehand about boundaries and expectations, but I’d completely forgotten to do that (oops).  He also recommended getting a key to the hotel room myself if we got one (we didn’t) and that if he ignored me, not to just sit there but get up and do my own thing. 

I didn’t really know a lot of people there but I figured if I got up and walked around probably someone would say something to me.  So I went into the kitchen, where they had some hors d’oeurves. I was accosted by single guys who were standing around the food. 

One of the guys was the friend of the Pilot’s, whom he’d tried to get me to stay in a hotel room with, before our big blowout.  This guy had also danced with me at another party when I was with Mr. Motorcycle, but Mr. Motorcycle had wanted me to himself. He said his girlfriend was not with him this time, but that they were still really interested in getting together with me.  I already knew this because they had sent me a few emails, plus the Pilot had asked if I wanted them to have my number.  I’d told him no and not been answering them.

Anyhow, I was kind of trying to extract myself from the guy, when Mr. Host walked in and pulled me out, to introduce me to some people.  He was still following close on our heels and Mr. Host sort of gave him a look and he backed off.  We then went to talk with club owners. 

Mr. Host left me with them for a bit and was off doing his own thing across the room again.  So these good looking, white guys, who were visiting from Germany, approached me and we got into a long conversation.  They said they worked for the government and were American citizens but had been in Germany for 13 years and were only here for a few weeks on business.  They were telling me all about the swinger scene in Germany and I was pretty fascinated. 

They said they would love to have a threesome with me and that they had a big suite reserved at the hotel.  I told them I was here with someone and they asked who, so I pointed him out.  They said they were having a bunch of people over later to their room, including this couple nearby that they pointed out (very pretty woman and reasonably attractive man) and that he and I were both welcome to join them. 

After we’d been talking for a bit I notice that Mr. Host and some other guy are standing not too far away, watching us.  The other guy that had been trying to talk to me was standing not too far on the other side, watching us as well.  The German guys were like, “I see you have a fan club” …lmao.

So then Mr. Host walks right up between the guys and tells them that I am going to come with him for a minute and pulls me out to the dance floor.  I told him that the guys invited us to come back to their room later with a bunch of people and he says they aren’t even on the swinger site and just showed up here at the party.  We danced for a bit and then he was like “okay, now you can go back and talk to them again”.

I did for a bit but they didn’t mention coming back to their room again.  I was talking a bit with Mr. Host and some other people and this one black girl I have seen at some other parties (her husband is white) asks me if I know how to dance.  I was like “mmm..” and did a “so-so” motion with my hand so Mr. Host laughs and asks me to dance with him again.  Then afterwards the black girl pulled me out with her on the dance floor and said “quit lyin, I see you on that beat”.   We were playing around dancing for awhile and she later emailed me and wants to keep in touch.

I danced a little more with the Host but we didn’t spend a ton of time together.  He was teasing me about how I’d get my “30 seconds” (of sex) with him later and I’m saying “yeah right” but hoping he’s really joking, hahaha.  Because lord knows, I’ve had that experience a few too many times. 😉  He was also acting wild and crazy on the dance floor with this one black woman, who was down on her hands with her ass in the air and he is simulating like he is fucking her/at a rodeo and everyone is laughing at them. 

Mr. Host at some point told me that the D.J. at the party had seen and was asking about me.  He said “this guy really likes you”.  Sure enough, Mr. D.J. (a skinny white guy with a bunch of tattoos) was wanting to talk to me and telling me how gorgeous he thought I was and how he isn’t like the other guys and just here for sex.  Um, okay.

The Pilot’s friend found me again and said he saw me talking to the white guys and was going to “rescue” me because he knows my “flavor is not vanilla” but that he had decided to let me “flounder” for a bit.  Whatever, lol.  Then he wanted me to talk with him in a back room, beside the kitchen. 

He pulls me over there and tells me that he and his girlfriend really like me and that his girlfriend had told him that of all the women she’s seen at the parties I am the only one she would consider doing a bi thing with.  She doesn’t normally go for women, he said, but thought that I had “kind eyes”.  Then he goes on to tell me all about how he is “not like the other guys” and “just here for sex” (gosh, we’ve never heard that one before, now have we?  lmao).  He was like telling me all this stuff about how his girlfriend said he could find a girlfriend for himself and that he would like to help me move into my new house when I come to town and take my kids to air shows and it was like ooookay…hahaha

Mr. Host finally texted the guy and said that if I am with him, he is leaving the party.  So I hightailed it out of there, got my stuff and left with him to the next place.  While he was pulling up his truck for me, I was standing in the lobby talking to this woman who said she was there with some guy while his wife was with her “sub” because she is a dominatrix.  You meet the most interesting people in the lifestyle, lol.

I’m going to cut this short here and finish the rest of the story (the more exciting parts) later so it doesn’t get too long. 😉  Don’t worry, there is more to come.  I just think its hilarious that all these people at swinger parties try to act like they aren’t in it for the sex.  Mr. Host told me the EXACT SAME THING when we first met but when I brought it up on the drive to the next party, he pretended to think it was crazy that anyone would say that if they are in the lifestyle.  Oh yeah, and he was also “not like the other guys”….yeaaahh…neither is the guy I saw at the last swinger party, who found me on Plenty of Fish. Or so says his profile 😉

The orgy party continues, part 2

fourpeopleinbed

Okay so where did we leave off?  I was having the threesome with the two security guys and they left the room.  Then in walks their cousin, Mr. Host.  He came to chat for just a minute and to let me know he had made sure to keep me well taken care of with security guys looking after me.  Why…yes…

So he was happy to see I was feeling a little better and started to pull out his cock for a blow job but then thought better of it.  He said he wanted to wait until I was back up to par, kissed me and left the room.  Fine then.  A couple minutes later the older man returned. 

He got me to get up out of bed and follow him into another room where he said there was some fun going on.  Inside were about 4 people having, or close to having, sex.  One was his wife, then another couple whose wife was in the middle of being done doggystyle by Mr. Host. His wife asked him if he wanted this other guy fucking her before allowing him to.  I didn’t see quite what went on between them but I think he got up and left and went back over to help with HIS wife and Mr. Host.

The older man lead me over to his wife who was now unattended and guided me to her pussy.  She is 27 and he is 30 years older, Mr. Firm and I had been discussing that while I was getting dressed in his hotel room.  Anyhow, I went to work and the older man was rubbing on and playing with me at the same time.  Eventually he left, and the people next to us on the bed left and it was only me and her.  She asked if I wanted a turn and I lay on the bed while she licked and fingered me. 

Meanwhile people were walking by and eventually the guy who had been close to fucking her came back.  He got on me and started rubbing, but not entering me, while telling me how fucking gorgeous he thinks I am. She left and her husband came back by. I gave him a 30 second blowjob before he came all over my face.  He walked out of the room and the other guy was like WTF and followed me to the bathroom while I washed off.

Then he followed me back into the master bedroom.  He was on top of me and wanting to fuck, but asking me if it was okay.  I found that kind of annoying and a turnoff.  He was like “are you sure it’s okay?” “can I touch you?” “you are so beautiful”.  He had a nice looking, thick hard cock but he also wanted to go in without a condom.  I didn’t want him to and he said without it he cant stay hard.  He kept grinding on top of me.  This was the only white guy all night, by the way, lol.  I ended up giving him a bit of a blowjob but didn’t finish him off.

Okay, so now its getting really late and everyone is ready to go to bed.  Suprisingly, the older guy and his wife had decided to sleep in the bed with Mr. Host and I.  When he (the older man) came up behind me and started spooning me, I thought he was joking.  I made a comment to that effect, and his wife, who had just walked in, seemed a little peeved.  I didn’t mean to be rude or anything, just wasn’t expecting to share a bed with three people!

Anyhow, she climbed in on the other side of me and Mr. Host was next to her.  Her husband was trying to get me to put my hand on her bare ass but I was honestly exhausted and wanting to sleep.  Not that it was easy with three people lying next to me, plus being in between a husband and wife.  I know that she has been fucking Mr. Host for awhile because he told me she gets jealous and that was kind of weird and awkward too.  She and him were kissing a bit but he seemed annoyed with her laying her head on him.

Finally, Mr. Host told her to let me over by him and sleep next to her own husband.  She complied but her husband was reaching over her trying to touch me and I think it was getting her annoyed.  Gah!  Mr. Host was stroking my hair and whispering to me that I am his angel and he wants to take care of me.  I was thinking wtf, you don’t want to fuck me though??  After awhile the wife said her back was hurting and decided to get up and sleep in a chair.  Eventually, they just left and went home.  It was maybe 5:30 am.

It was still a restless night.  I am not one to cuddle people I don’t know and especially ones I haven’t had sex with.  So while Mr. Host’s touches felt good, it was hard for me to sleep.  Plus he kept having to jump up for things like the alarm going off when another couple walked downstairs or helping with a guy who fell asleep on the toilet.

I woke up around 7:30 to Mr. Host poking his dick in behind me.  I rolled onto my stomach and we had some actually pretty good doggystyle sex.  He wasn’t wearing a condom and asked if he could come inside me.  I was like NOOOOO and he asked if I am fertile.  I told him yes and he said he got a vasectomy 15 years ago and has been checked many times to make sure it stuck.  Okay, you can cum in me. 

OMG that part was hot.  I am a little bit of a cum fiend…I just freaking love it and I get so excited about a guy about to cum inside me since it doesn’t happen very often.  He made me cum a few times too and it was pretty darn hot.

So afterwards I showered and got ready to head out.  Right before I did, I texted Mr. Firm again to see what was up.  He was going to check out of his hotel in 30 minutes but said I could come by and talk.  We wouldn’t have time for sex but I was excited to swap stories and hear how his night had been.

I kissed Mr. Host goodbye and got in my vehicle.  At first it wouldn’t start.  I was relieved to get it going but couldn’t figure out what was wrong.  It was going slow and hard to get up to speed.  I was scared it was going to die on me.  Thankfully I made it the 10 minutes or so to the hotel.

Got there and had a great chat with Mr. Firm and told him about my van.  He said I should follow him back just in case, since my family lives 30 minutes from the city we were in, and he is another 30 minutes past that.  I am SO GLAD he was there.  On the busy freeway my van started having even more problems and I turned on my hazard lights, hoping I wouldn’t get hit by a semi.  Mr. Firm pulled over and I followed him to a gas station.  There he figured out that the transmission fluid was gone and there was smoke coming out of where you are supposed to put it in. 

He helped me put some transmission fluid in and it seemed to be doing better but still not up to par.  We got back on the road though and I was able to make it home to my grandmother’s house.  The whole time he was just awesome and patient and not upset with me for making him late to get home to his family. I’m telling you he is a really incredible guy. 🙂

Got to grandma’s and thankfully there are family and friends there to help out with things.  It was Sunday but the father of one of my sister’s friends came to look over my van and said the transmission is bad.  Still working on either replacing that or getting a new vehicle.  In the meantime I was stuck an extra night but my grandma said I could use her car.

Believe it or not, I had a lot more sex this weekend. Looks like my library time is running out again but don’t worry, there will be a part 3 to this story!! 😉

 

 

 

 

The “trophy” swinger….

3d-winner-gold-trophy-hands-23290721

Last night I went out to dinner with a guy I have met a few times at parties.  He was visiting a couple here in town and invited me out with them.  He promised no sex, which was fine, since I’d just had some earlier in the day with my Fuck Buddy. 😉

Anyhow, I am not sure about this guy.  He seems really nice but maybe not my type.  He’s decent enough looking, though a little chubbier than I usually go for.  He also has a “country” way about him that is typical of this region but no so much of black men, lol.  It’s interesting.

So he invited me out to eat and I was cool with that.  He paid for me and the couple took care of their own bill.  We had a couple of drinks and laughed and talked.  I felt like she may have been uncomfortable with my presence in the beginning but I tried to make her feel at ease.  It was a little weird coming to dinner with them knowing they had been fucking earlier in the day and he’d just decided to bring me along.

The male half of the couple was very quiet and I could barely get him to look my direction.  He wasn’t particularly attractive and maybe he was just shy or felt I was out of his league.  I’m not sure, he could have just been uninterested, but then so was I.  He really only spoke briefly about football to the guy I was with and at one point I saw him show him a couple pictures he had taken earlier with his cell phone of his wife sucking the guy’s dick.

The wife seemed to warm up and was friendly but I’m not sure how much of it was real and how much was that fake thing that females sometimes do.  She said something about how we should get together sometime so I asked for her number and sent a text at dinner but she didn’t respond.  I was unsure how he presented my visit to them, so that part was a little awkward. 

He invited me to come over and hang at their house and watch the football game today but I politely declined.  He said it wouldn’t involve playing unless maybe he and I wanted to and I said that might be a little uncomfortable at their house. He laughed and said yeah.  So I thought it was probably best to avoid going over there. It was actually the first time he has been to visit this couple and I didn’t want to rain on their parade too much.

Anyhow, he is having a house party in a couple of weeks.  He had mentioned it before and maybe sent me an email but it went in one ear and out the other.  Maybe because I’d gotten another email around that time inviting me to a “bareback orgy party” and that was shocking enough that I didn’t think about the rest, haha!  Who does that???  That is probably a little too risky even for me! It involved things like naked twister and spin the bottle and “no condoms allowed”.  Whew….

His party was private and he showed me the guest list on his phone.  I saw that Mr. Firm was signed up and also Mr. Motorcycle and both had confirmed they are coming. I said I knew Mr. Firm and he said he had met him and he is a really cool guy.  When I saw him before I had been with Mr. Motorcycle and he asked if things were okay there and I said not so much.  He later asked more about that situation and promised if I come he will make sure things are secure and he doesn’t cause drama.

When I told the guy I wasn’t sure if I will be able to make it or not due to gas money and stuff he said that would be no problem, he will send me money to cover that.  He wasn’t the least perturbed when I told him last time it cost me $60 in gas to go that way either. He also said I could stay at his place. I’m assuming I wouldn’t have to pay the cover charge either.

I later texted Mr. Firm about it. He definitely plans on going.  I told him Mr. Motorcycle was signed up and he knows the deal with that too.  He didn’t comment on that but said “If you decide to go, I will be sure to dance with you and probably fuck, lol.  But wouldn’t try to be all over you so you couldn’t meet or hook up with someone else.  I would also introduce you to others I know or meet”.  I said I would try and do the same.  See, I told you he is awesome!! 🙂 

So today the party host contacts me again and asks me some more questions about Mr. Motorcycle and why we are no longer talking.  I explained a few things like the couple’s profile he opened without my permission and that I felt he wanted more of a relationship than I wanted to give.  I said I felt kind of like I was being used as bait to get other women.

I tell him all this then guess what he proposes to me??  He says he wants me to be his “trophy” and help him host his parties.  Apparently the woman he had the couples profile with and who I have seen him with before wanted more of a relationship than he did and he just wanted the profile to have parties with.  Suddenly he sees me as someone who would not be this way and thinks I would make a great partner to help him in his endeavor.  I guess eventually he plans to make money off of all this and open an actual club but for now wants to party in his house.

I’m a little confused about what all this would entail but he has mainly told me that I would just smile and be friendly to people and look cute.  He says he loves my smile and thinks I would attract a lot of people to his parties.  Really?  After I’d just told him I felt “used” as bait by someone??  Haha.  I find it more amusing than offensive though.

What men often don’t seem to get, and what I feel, is that women are not always jumping at the bit when guys use me to lure them in.  I think some of them actually feel threatened by me.  I’m a single, unattached woman and I’m not always feeling the love from them until I make a point of letting them know I’m not in it for the competition aspect. 

The thing I’m not sure on is if he is trying to get me to have a couples profile with him.  I told him maybe we should wait until I’ve at least gone to a party or two before I commit to anything like that but he still seems to be wanting something.  He said he and I wouldn’t even necessarily have to play together.  What??  Does that mean he doesn’t want to?  So odd… He is wanting to call me and talk about it in a few minutes here when I leave the library. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I’ll have thirds please ;)

halloween3

I’m home from my 3rd Halloween swinger party of the year!  I went to this one with Mr. Motorcycle, in a big city a few hours away.  The party was packed, with close to 500 people, and of course we were all decked out in costume.

I dressed as Silk Spectre from the Watchmen, for anyone who has any clue who that is.  I don’t, but hey, he bought me the costume and it was hot!  LOL  Only one other guy at the party correctly guessed my character.  Someone else thought I was a Power Ranger, LMAO.  Anyhow, it was still a hit. 😉

Here is what the costume looks like:
silk-spectre-ii-costume

I was gonna post a body pic of ME in the costume but some guy I showed it to made a negative comment and now I am feeling self conscious. Not sure if he was just being an ass or what because most of the responses I got were overwhelmingly positive.

 We stayed at a Ramada Inn and there was party bus shuttle service from the hotel (and like 3 other ones) to the club.  Unfortunately I had been running a bit late…  Okay, more than a bit, I was 3 hours later than what we’d originally planned and we got into town just past the 9:00 last run for the shuttle, but Mr. Motorcycle thought we could change that.  He was like “just call the driver and ask him to come again at 10:00.  He’s a guy, if you sound sexy enough, he will do it for you”. 

To my surprise that actually worked, lol.  At first the guy said he would be there until 9:30 and couldn’t come back unless there were more people on the bus.  Then he later called me back and offered to come, just for us, at 10. Woohoo! 

The reason I was running so late in the first place was because of my ex- husband’s girlfriend causing trouble at the last minute, plus the oil light going on in my vehicle and having to wait for an unexpected two hours that morning to get it checked and changed.  Ugh.  My life is way too busy to be adding in extra problems like that but it is what it is. 

The ex’s girlfriend suddenly decides, about 30 minutes before I was due to bring the kids to their dads for an overnight, that she has other plans for the weekend.  I had asked him on Monday, and checked to make sure on Tuesday, that bringing them so I could go out of town would be alright.  He said that was fine but apparently never mentioned it to her, and now she was taking it out on ME. 

Drama, drama, drama.  I told her they need to communicate better and that it wasn’t my responsibility and she started going off.  She said I needed to bring food for them and I said I would but that our divorce decree states that he is supposed to provide food when they are visiting.  She said she didn’t care what it said, it is her house and she isn’t feeding them her food.  So whatever, I spent my time waiting on an oil change at Walmart buying food for them for the weekend.

Then she starts bitching at me about how she isn’t going to change her plans for me and that she is the one in control of the house and what she says goes and they can’t come there.  I said okay then, he can come to my house and watch the kids there and it won’t interrupt your plans.  She flipped out and said “OH HELL NO!!”  I was like, I am not going to be there, I will be out of town, so I don’t see the big deal, but okay.  The woman is insanely jealous of me for some reason, despite the fact that I wouldn’t touch my ex with a ten foot pole, and have tried to explain that to her.

I tried to text my ex and just communicate with him from then on but he wasn’t very helpful and acted like he had no idea what was going on.  Then she accuses me of forwarding her texts to him (which I didn’t do, though I did tell him the gist of what she was saying).  Ugggghhh…  she did finally calm down and he said it was okay to bring them but it made me even later and later trying to get it all sorted out. 

After promising not to bring the kids next weekend (she apparently didn’t like that this is the 3rd time this month they have stayed the night there, though technically they are supposed to stay 4 nights out of the month),I said I don’t want my children feeling unwelcome at your house.  She didn’t comment. I made my ex promise that wouldn’t happen and told the kids to call me if there was any trouble and I would turn around and come home.  Not a good way to start off my trip, but she did later apologize.

Mr. Motorcycle was surprisingly forgiving.  I felt bad because he actually sat and waited for me in a parking lot for 2 hours but he was just glad to be heading out.  We had a good drive and on the way discussed how we would act at the party.  He said he wanted us to be a “couple” and only play if we play together and both agree.  I was fine with that.

There was some possibility that The Referee would be at this party.  He had originally invited me first, before changing his mind and deciding he couldn’t make it up this weekend.  When he found out I was going with someone else he said that he was a little jealous and might make the trip up anyhow.  He didn’t though.

It was okay, because I had seen him earlier in the week, for a hot little lunchtime rendezvous.  He says he wants to try and do that at least once a week, despite it being an almost 2 hour drive for him.  Hey, that works for me!!  He had gotten a cheap motel because the Marriot was booked. 

It was actually kind of funny because while we were fucking the non- English speaking guy that worked the front desk had come by and OPENED our door, because we left the key in it by accident and he wanted to give it to us.  That was his excuse anyhow.  He knocked for about two seconds and then tried to OPEN the freaking door before the Referee slammed it back in his face.  I know he could hear us in there!  We could hear the people next door to us fucking loudly too….LMAO. 

The Referee I am liking quite a bit.  I can tell he’s not too thrilled about me going to parties with someone else but he hasn’t told me not to.  He did ask if I gave the guy anal and of course I didn’t.  I haven’t given it to him either but he is wanting me to.  He’s like “you can save that for Daddy”.  I don’t know about all that…

So back to the party.  It was packed to the hilt for Halloween and a lot of fun.  We flirted and talked to a bunch of people and danced the night away.  On the bus over there Mr. Motorcycle had said something about wanting to see me someday in a gangbang.  So romantic…

The music was ten times better at this party than the others I have been to. There were more good looking people than at most of the ones down here. I recognized a handful of people and was half expecting to see the Pilot there.  We were close to where he lives, and I know he has been there before, but he wasn’t signed up and no sign of him. 

However, I did run into a couple of people that have seen him with me in the past.  I also met the couple he had wanted me to stay in a hotel room with originally when we had our big blowout.  The girl was much more attractive in person than she had seemed in her online pics.  She wasn’t smoking hot but Mr. Motorcycle seemed kind of interested and he liked her costume (football cheerleader).

It was her birthday and at some point we walked into a room where she was getting gangbanged by a few black men on a couch.  I didn’t stick around to watch that very long but later on, near the end of the night, Mr. Motorcycle stops and tells me to ask her boyfriend to dance.  I did and he was all excited about it and wanting us to come back to their hotel and hook up.  Since he asked me to get this guy on the dance floor I thought that was what Mr. Motorcycle was wanting too, but when the guy invited us to come over he kind of shot him down.

Hmmmm….  He later said he doesn’t know why but he is still kind of having a hard time wanting to share me.  We didn’t end up playing with anyone other than each other.  It was fun though!  He also said he was going to email that couple and try and let them know he wasn’t trying to be rude.

He made some excuses about how he didn’t want to fuck her after she’d been with all those guys that night and I was like, but you have been in gangbangs before, claim to like them and just mentioned wanting to get me in one on the way over here!  That kind of made him think (duh!).  He also said he’d prefer to hook up with women that are on my level of attractiveness.  Yet, beforehand he had been telling me how he can usually find SOMETHING attractive about a woman even if she is not conventionally beautiful.  Men, so confusing. :p

Ah well, we did have a good time and he says he thinks he will be more likely to be able to share in the future.  He just has to get used to it because he’s so gung ho about me at the moment.  I guess we will see.

He does keep telling me how much he likes me and how hot he thinks I am.  He wants to take a million pics.  When we were dancing a song came on that I like and I was singing along and he was like “OH MY GOD…you can SING!!!”  Apparently he was impressed. I don’t claim to be a fabulous singer or anything but I do love to sing, sang in choir growing up and have gotten compliments in the past. Now the Referee, he can blow!!  LOL  He sings a cappella on his voice mail and it is amazing.

I got a chance to dance on the pole and that was fun too.  I was actually dancing on a pole that was off to the side of the room and the DJ saw me and came over and drew attention to it and had me dance on the main pole in front of everyone.  I was just tipsy enough to be in my “happy place” but not overly drunk so had fun with it. 😉 

I almost forgot to mention that I kissed and made out with two women. One at the party, who was half naked, and one on the party bus home. Sheesh, it must be becoming old hat or something. Oh, and then there was the girl that BIT Mr. Motorcycle on the cheek when we got off the bus to the hotel. WTF?? Some people have the strangest ways of flirting. He did NOT appreciate that!!

There were a couple of times when Mr. Motorcycle did or said things that seemed kind of controlling.  Like he asked me to sit at a table and took off (I later found out to smoke, he was hiding the fact that he smokes from me) then seemed kind of perturbed that I had gotten up and went to the restroom. He asked me not to go to this club again unless it is with him and wanted me to agree to that since we have been there together.  He also wants to have a couples profile and has asked me NOT to let him know if I am going to see other men.  It would be reasonable maybe if we were in a relationship but I haven’t really agreed to that.  I’m still trying to take it slow and watch things with him and he seems to be pushing a little too fast.  He’s already seriously trying to plan New Year’s Eve with me.

He bought me another outfit too, a leather bustier and a very short black skirt.  He says he likes to dress women up and take them out on his arm, that he thinks it is sexy.  I know single men in the Lifestyle get much more attention when they have a woman with them so not sure if that’s all it’s about or what.  I did notice he has a couple recent validations on the swinger site that were not from either of the parties he and I went to.  For all his claims not to have been fucking anyone else, I have my doubts.  I tried to put him on the spot and ask his age again to see what he’d say (since I found out he is 44 and before he tried to tell me 40) and he dodged the question.  All in all, I think I need to keep in the back of my mind at least that he is not super trustworthy.

 

The Referee and things the Prof never told me…

referee

It didn’t take me long to replace the Producer.  Actually, there was another man waiting in the wings.  He had signed up for the party I was originally supposed to attend with the Producer and his girlfriend, and contacted me on the swinger site.  I had agreed to meet him over lunch a couple of days before the party, originally thinking he might be someone who could join in and swap with us all.

There is kind of an interesting back story with this particular man, though I was oblivious to most of it.  When he emailed me from his swinger profile, I didn’t realize right away that he was the same man I had spoken with several months ago, while I was still seeing the Professor.  He had changed his location and profile pics due to some of the higher ups in his profession seeing he was on there.  None of the pictures were showing his face.

However, when I went to text him at the number he gave me, his name popped up in my phone.  Okay, now I remembered him.  I asked about the changes and he explained.  He at first avoided the question of whether or not he had been friends with the Professor.

The reason I had turned this man down the first time we were talking back and forth was because it was clear to me that the Professor was feeling jealous and didn’t want me speaking with him.  He had gotten upset with me for silly things like the fact that I had talked with this man over the phone, rather than simply texted.  I was like, well, he called me!  LOL  I usually prefer to text, due to having children in the house but I do answer my phone if I can, just try to avoid it as much as possible. 

Anyhow, I hadn’t been particularly into him, though he did have a lot of positive references and seemed like a good guy.  I had been turned off a little because he seemed overeager and then the Professor had told me he had a gold tooth.  Yeah, I wasn’t feeling the gold tooth and I was super into the Prof at the time anyhow and didn’t want to hurt him by getting involved with someone he knew.

Little did I know, there was all kinds of competition brewing beneath the surface between the two of them.  I knew they had shared a married woman at a party before and that they both did some part time work as referees.  Over my lunch date I learned much more.

According to the Referee, as I will call him (though he has another full time job, it’s not very exciting, he’s a supervisor at some sort of factory), not only was HE trying to talk to me at the time, but the Prof had gotten upset and in return tried really hard to get with HIS “single” girlfriend.  He said that didn’t work out though because she had decided she was more into women and run off on him for another girl, not showing any interest in the Prof either.

Okay, but it doesn’t stop there.  The Referee was seeing another woman who the Professor was also fucking.  Hold up, wait, he was fucking her while he was seeing me?  Yep, and never told me and even told this girl not to say anything!!  I’ve met her, after all.  In fact, she was the woman who came up and told me she’d met him at the Christmas party, back in my blog story, When being open isn’t enough.

Ahhhh…… wow, the truth starts to come out.  The Referee says that at that particular party he had ASKED her to come up and introduce herself to me, and to report back to him.  He wanted to know if I was as hot as I looked in my pictures.  She said I was, but that the Professor wasn’t allowing me to play with anyone.  Too funny, because she and the Jamaican had asked us to come up to their room and the Prof definitely wasn’t having it. 

Oh, but this isn’t all.  Not only were they both fucking this same woman, but the Referee also used to see another woman that the Prof was sleeping with right before he met me, a married woman that he had told me a little bit about but I thought nothing of it since he made it seem like they had just been casual fwb.  Not so much.  The Referee said he’d spent time with her actually CRYING and really upset because the Prof had “left her” for a “younger, hotter, woman” and now would no longer see her anymore.  Yeah, that would be me.

I had no idea.  I feel awful that someone felt that way about the relationship between the Prof and I,  but no one had told ME what was going on.  I had been contacted by her profile right before that party at the hotel asking if we wanted to have a threesome with the Prof and he had said it was probably just her husband goofing off.  He never gave any indication that she was into him as more than just sex.

Gah, this whole thing is doing nothing for my trust level for men in general.  You can’t even have an OPEN relationship, it seems, without somebody lying or running off with the next girl and abandoning the person that was there before.  I met this woman at a party this weekend and I could totally see the hurt in her eyes and it made me feel awful. She’s very pretty for her age (which is like 60) and in great shape (plus has had plastic surgery) and doesn’t need to feel that way about herself. 

Add that I was there with the Referee, and he also didn’t want to get with her because of me, and it made me want to crawl through a hole. She even went and changed her costume into one more similar to mine, after she saw what I was wearing. We had taken some pics together with the Referee and then she came back to take more. He said he knew she was wanting to get with him again but he wasn’t really interested.

Sigh…. Well let’s get back to the fun part, shall we?  The Referee and I had a great little meeting over lunch.  He drove up in his very nice white Cadillac with some seriously cool rims and a little TV on the dashboard.  We met at the Marriot hotel before he took me to lunch at Applebees.  He was nice looking, despite the gold tooth and really in a lot of ways reminds me of the Producer.  Before we went in to eat we sat in his car, watching videos on the dashboard and drinking some Cayman Jack margaritas in a bottle.  I’m loving those things, he even gave me one to take home, lol.

Of course we had all kinds of interesting things to talk about.  He said he’s been feeling me for a really long time and really wanted to meet me after all that ordeal with the Prof.  He’d kind of backed out of swinging for a while with the discovery of his profile and gotten into a monogamous relationship for about 6 months. 

I had to explain to him the situation with the Producer and his girlfriend and why they were no longer coming to the party and he said that was crazy.  He said I was way too beautiful to accept second best from anyone and not to ever let someone do me like that.  He thought the woman demanding to come along each time we had sex was way out of line and said it sounds like the Producer is just getting off on the ego trip of being her first “black guy”.  He totally agreed with the points I had laid out about the red flags I saw as potential issues, but of course the Producer will have to figure that all out for himself, after he comes down off the high of NRE.  Ah well.

We ate and headed back to the hotel, where he popped in a porn video for me to watch while he was checking in.  I was like isn’t that kind of distracting, porn on your dashboard while you are driving and he said it’s not too bad but it does get him horny on long drives.  LOL  He claimed he got the video from the guy who put the tv in for free and it contained a lot of double penetration/anal.

Then we went up to the hotel room, which was an extra nice one with a balcony and had a blast.  He was good in bed, went down on me and has a similar sexual style to the Producer.  He also claims he can’t cum with a condom on and it does nothing for him to wear one so we went without.  He called himself “Daddy” in the bedroom so I know he’s another one that likes that. 😉  During sex he was telling me I could have anything I wanted from him.

He really seems to like me and asked me what I was looking for relationship wise.  According to him he is more of a monogamy type of guy really and tends to get into monogamous relationships with the wife of a couple.  He was with the same woman, the mother of his children who are now in college, for 23 years before getting into the Lifestyle.  I didn’t really know what to say and just said I am playing it by ear, not wanting to rush into anything.  He thought that was smart and not crazy, like getting into something two weeks in, like the Producer.

In fact, he liked me so much that he wanted to come down again two days later (it’s like an hour and a half or so drive).  He said he’d come even if he could just get a kiss.  We decided though, instead, to go to the party together.

We had fun.  I wore my French maid costume.  It looks like this from the front.

french maid

 

And here is a picture of me and the Referee from the back 😉

referee

We had gone to the hotel next door to the party, even though we weren’t staying there, for me to change into my costume, and couldn’t find a restroom in the lobby so I ducked into a laundry room.  There was a peephole in the door and I was teasing him that he could watch.  He came in at the end to help me try and fasten some straps and there was a knock on the door.  It was some random guys at the hotel trying to do their laundry and they thought we were fucking.  We laughed it off and he asked the guy to take a picture. 😉

Other than meeting the woman who had cried over me and the Professor there wasn’t a lot exciting about the party itself.  There was a 70 something woman in a wheelchair who grabbed the Referee’s dick and told him “I’m going to get some of that!!” and a big fat lady who stripped naked and was telling him he just didn’t want her because she was old.

When we first walked in, two women grabbed me and tried to pull me off.  I could tell the Referee was freaking out because he had told me that every time he takes a single woman to a party she leaves him for another woman and he gets left out in the cold.  I’d reassured him I wasn’t like that, lol, so I was laughing but holding back from actually running off with them.  He said one party she just took off into the bathroom with a married woman and then she was gone and he never saw her again. 

We hung out with a couple of other couples and danced and took some jello shots and drank a little but eventually went back to the Marriot by ourselves.  He gets some sort of special deal there, which is cool.  According to him, he really didn’t feel like sharing me and especially so soon after just meeting and enjoys his one on one.  We had fantastic sex, it was even better than the first time and he passed out before I left to go home.

I feel bad because he lost a $200 gold chain in the hotel the first time we had sex and they overcharged him instead of giving him the rate he wanted the second time but he still seems interested.  I guess we will see how this goes.   

The next day I drove out to see my fuck buddy again.  He helped fill up my gas tank to get home and he gave me one of his porn dvd’s.  It’s called “Chocolate Cherry Ho’s”….lmao.  We had been watching one together after our first round of sex and he had a big collection so said I could take one home. I guess I will have to watch that. 😉 He was showing me some guy called “Wesley Pipes”, lol. I’m not a big porn connoisseur, so not too familiar with most of it. I was telling him he was big enough to be up there on the porn screen too and he was like “really?” So modest. 😉 

We had fantastic sex and I am so glad he’s still here in my life.  He’s really a sweetheart and great looking with a perfect body.  I can’t really say why we don’t fit together.  We are pretty different though.  He’s from the deep south and cracks me up because he will say things like he doesn’t believe swimming is natural for human beings and we shouldn’t be out there in the ocean if we can’t breathe underwater.  He’s also more naturally quiet and to himself.  He tells me a lot of crazy stories about the things people were doing sexually when he was in the military though. 

Anyhow, the Producer may have tossed me off to the side but I’m keeping him blocked and going on my merry way.  Obviously it didn’t stop me from getting mine this past week, lol, despite being upset. 

The Pilot vs the Professor

JDNewPilot VS professor

So the Prof texted me again last night.  He said he hoped my kids enjoyed the gifts and that he still misses talking to me, then a sad face, and goodnight.  I didn’t know how to respond or what to say.  Of course I miss him too.  I hurt for the past couple months over all this.

Part of me just wants to forgive and forget and be with him again.  Yet that seems like it would be foolish because he’s already hurt me.  Why wouldn’t he do it again?  Has anything changed?

I’m sure he’s still talking to that married woman, the one he said he values more than me.  He’s obviously been with a few different women off the swinger site.  He has been looking at my profile again today so I looked back and he’s gotten a handful of validations from women in the past couple months that sound like he probably slept with them. 

So why now?  Several weeks ago, when we texted back and forth, he really didn’t appear interested.  Is he going through a dry spell and reminiscing or what? 

Men do this every time though.  EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. TIME.  If they “break up” with you in some form or another they always come back.  Like one man said “like swallows to Capistrano, men always return”.  I love that saying because it’s sooo true. Without fail. So predictable.

I still have some feelings for him, yeah, but I don’t know if I want him to see that.  I don’t know that I want to make myself vulnerable to him ever again.  I finally texted back about an hour later with a face like this “ :/ “.  That was the last of our conversation, then him looking at my profile. 

Maybe he’s coming to some realizations.  Maybe he’s remembering that I pretty much always treated him well or that the sex was better than what he’s getting now.  Maybe he’s seeing that I was worth more, and have more value, than he gave me credit for.  Maybe now though, it’s too late.

See, because now, I have got new people in MY life.  The Pilot has just been really cool and a lot of fun.  Plus he puts ME first as far as I can tell, and not some lame old married lady.  Yes, he goes and and fucks around and does whatever, but I haven’t felt threatened by it.  He knows that exact same married woman too because she has validated him on the site, (since the Prof and I were together, so fairly recently and AFTER she met the Prof), but no indication of him being attached to her in any way.

I have to ask myself why I felt bad with the Prof and not so much with the Pilot. Like tonight he is off at some campout orgy, lol, and I’m stuck at home, yet I don’t feel the least bit worried or insecure.  Besides him being fairly new in my life, and not yet having a major emotional attachment, I think there are some other factors. 

One, he is clearly interested in me and pays sufficient attention to me when we are together.  Like at the party he was all about me first and the other people he messed with were definitely secondary.  He never made me feel like he was using me to get at “new pussy” or like it mattered all that much to him whether or not he ended up with anyone but me at the end of the night. He seemed plenty happy to return to the hotel room just the two of us, and that made me feel good.

  There were times with the Prof where I felt like he thought it was a letdown if we didn’t end up fucking some other couple or that he was disappointed in me for not wanting to sleep with some ugly guy so that he could get at the wife.  Not that he ever actually pushed me to do so, or would, but I just got that vibe, especially at the second party we went to, which I didn’t write about.

 I can’t help but think that he fed into my insecurities somehow or they wouldn’t have been there.  It’s all about that intuition. I didn’t feel secure enough in his desire for ME to not fear being abandoned.  He was unwilling to offer what seems to me to be BASIC reassurance if we are going to play this way, something the Pilot was willing to give on the first try, without being asked and without assuming it meant some sort of “relationship”.  HE was the one saying hey, let’s discuss how we are going to handle this, ahead of time, and wanting to set boundaries that made me feel safe.

With the Pilot I don’t feel like he is covering anything up, lying, or acting suspicious.  He seems plenty happy to tell me what’s up or what he is about to do with no shame or attitude that assumes it is going to bother me.  I think that was a big thing with the Professor.  He would approach sleeping with someone else as though he expected me to be upset and that would trigger feelings that maybe I should be.  It’s a simple shift in attitude but I do feel like it makes a big difference.

I’m not saying the Pilot is perfect or anything because really I don’t know enough about him yet to see how he will react to certain things.  Yet so far he seems to be handling playing together well, even though he’s admitted at some point he knows he might feel jealousy, if he were in a serious relationship or developed feelings.  He hasn’t seen me play with a guy yet and doesn’t ask about or know about the men in my life so there is no telling how he will react to that. 

As far as picking out couples he thinks we would like to play with though, he has done pretty well.  He finds a couple where both the male and female are attractive and asks me what I think.   So far he has good taste.  To be fair, I think the Prof tried, but there are limited attractive couples in this area, lol.  Still his focus was much more on the woman and the Pilot is being more reasonable about what he thinks I would be attracted to in a man.  Guys like him, of course! 😉

Personality wise, the Pilot and I also seem to get along really well. We have a lot to talk about and his sense of adventure draws out my fun side. I like going out with him a lot and don’t feel inhibited the way I did when I was with the Prof. I can be withdrawn when I don’t feel comfortable but when I do I’m quite happy to be the life of the party.

So for a playing partner, the Pilot actually seems a better match for me.  I don’t feel like I could go back to what I had with the Prof.  It no longer seems good enough in that regard.  Sex with him though, I can’t deny, was wonderful. 

There is just something about the emotional hold the Prof had on me in the bedroom that I can’t even explain.  It was hypnotic.  I’ve never experienced anything like it, not even with the married man who technically was the best sex of my life. 

In spite of that, there were ways in which the sex with the Prof was even better.  It was more than just skill and more than just a sex trance.  It required me to be very vulnerable though and at this point I don’t think I could go there.  I’m too afraid.  Too afraid to give him back that control, after the way things ended. 

I don’t know. Maybe at some point I will be ready to sleep with him again.  Perhaps at this point I wouldn’t want anything more and could handle being fuck buddies.  Not sure that I want to give him that though. I feel like I need more of an apology from him or some kind of recognition that he hurt me and was wrong to do so. Sure he’s given me some gifts and said he misses me, but that doesn’t mean he is going to make any kind of change in the way he treats me. For now I’m not ready, but only time will tell. 

P.S. I just had a policeman at my house because my 13 year old son was missing for half the day. His phone wasn’t working and it was 1 am and I was getting freaked out. He showed up right after the officer got here but I swear this guy was trying to hit on me, lol. He asked if I needed his number to call him later or for him to drive by my house at night and I’m like no my child is here we should be fine. He was also asking if there were any men here? So then he called me again just a little bit ago (at 2 am) and claimed he thought he left a pad of paper at my house. Yeah, no. He didn’t leave anything, haha. Seriously, a pad of paper? LMAO

Ken and Barbie go to a party….

gijoe

This weekend the Professor and I went to another swinger party. It was held in a strip club that had been privately reserved, had much better music and a full service bar. These particular parties are known by local swingers as the “Ken and Barbie” parties. You have to pass the attractiveness test by sending the hosts a photo and they are more expensive than the others. A lot of people come in from out of town. I was surprised that so many were from so far away. We’ve decided it must be due to the anonymity factor of being out of their hometowns.

Anyhow, we attended the Valentines party and the atmosphere was great. Strip poles everywhere, halfway open booths where people were later getting busy, a sex swing room with mirrors, black light with little colored lights bouncing around, pulsating music, XXX movies playing in the background and lots of great looking people aged 25-50 or so. The huge (pardon my pun) difference was that there were hardly ANY overweight folks at all, a stark contrast to some of the other parties we’ve been to.

Maybe it was the black lights that made them stand out so much but there did seem to be a preponderance of bleach blonde women with long, Barbie like hair, lol. Some of them were wearing lingerie, some in casual date wear and others were dressed to the nines in little black dresses and diamond necklaces. One tall brunette was in a tutu. Others were topless or even naked and dancing around the stripper poles when we came in. Me, I was wearing a red, velvety, sleeveless, backless top with a ruffle that wrapped around the neck and down the front of the shirt on both sides, skintight black leggings, knee- high, black, leather, boots, big fake diamond earrings and a chunky gold bracelet. My hair was down, long and flowing. Underneath was a strapless black bra and red and black lace panties with a little fake diamond heart on the side. The Professor was dressed similarly to most of the men there, in nice dress slacks and a button down (yeah they have it easy, lol). One guy was wearing this sleeveless Chip’ n Dale style tuxedo top, but I’m pretty sure he was the only one, haha.

Compared to the other parties we’ve been to, this was definitely the hip spot to be and it was right here in town. Single men aren’t allowed so the Professor had never been with this particular group either, though he knew a few people there. The first couple we ran into was a woman he’d had sex with previously. She was actually really nice and they emailed later inviting us to meet with them together. I’m unsure, because, while her husband was nice enough, I’m not sure he’s really a person I’d want to sleep with.

Sometimes I think for me to swing I really would have to drop my standards quite a bit just for the experience. Even at the very first party where we had sex with a couple other couples I can’t say I was super into the men, they just were “okay” and not UN-attractive or gross or anything. I’ve told the Professor I’m okay with that sometimes but he’s said I don’t have to do anything I don’t really want to and he won’t push.

In any case we ran into a couple that we had met before at a previous party (one I didn’t write about). At that party, the Professor had been into the woman but I just couldn’t go there with the man. He was not attractive to me at all and when I danced with him he spent the whole time talking about his wife and how beautiful he thought she was and how hard it was for him to share her. All I could think was “poor guy” and wasn’t really attracted. After all, he wasn’t doing anything to indicate a real interest in ME other than telling me how great it was to get to dance with another woman. I wasn’t all that excited about hearing him ramble on about HER, even if it was sweet that he felt that way about his wife.

They were new at swinging at the time and that was about 4 months ago. Well, lo and behold they had found another “perfect” couple to swap with and were clearly deep in the throes of NRE (New Relationship Energy, for those who aren’t aware of the term- basically it is the infatuation people tend to feel at the beginning that eventually fades off). In fact, I almost didn’t recognize the man because he was with a pretty new blonde and by the way they were acting you’d think THEY were the husband and wife, same with his wife and the other man. Cute. He looked different too, like more attractive (though still not my type). I guess you could say they were “glowing”. His wife and her new beau were the same way. Previously I hadn’t been able to get why the Professor found her appealing at all but now it made a little more sense.

According to them they’d spent the night before swapping in their own home while their six children were sleeping. Yikes.. They said they had to get up and switch early in the morning so no kids would find them in the wrong bed. A little too close for comfort for me I guess. I’ve never even brought a man over for sex when my children were in the home other than when my daughter was under two years old and fast asleep.
Anyhow the Professor really seemed to like the new blonde as well. I can’t say I blame him, she was pretty and fun. She also made sure to mention to me when he wasn’t within earshot that they were not looking to play with anyone other than each other that night and were just hanging out to socialize. So I knew, even if the Professor didn’t, that wasn’t a real possibility.

Also, out of his earshot, the guy says to me that he really thinks the Professor and I should have a couples profile on the swinger website since we are there so often together. He was telling me this as though it was my responsibility to do so, which I found a bit annoying. I mean, for me to insist on that would make me look like I am pushing a type of relationship that the Professor may not even want, upon him. Ugh. I mean, I don’t even know what to do about Valentine’s Day tomorrow at this point. We are not a “couple” technically, though he is the main guy I see. I’m totally waiting it out. I feel like any displays of “relationship” behavior need to start with him.

Eventually during the night I did end up making out with her, at the Professors encouragement. He was behind me and touching and fingering the both of us as we kissed and touched each other. It was fun until, out of the blue, she pinched my nipple really hard. Ouch!! WTF? I laughed it off but yeah, I didn’t like that at all. I have really sensitive nipples and am not into anything rough with them. I think she thought it was fun or sexy but totally not my thing!

Probably the most interesting couple we ran into that night though was a woman who is only a couple of years younger than me but has known the Professor since she was in the 8th grade. He didn’t coach her team because she played another sport but she has known him half her life as a coach and also attended the college he works at now. I’m sure running into him at her first swinger party was interesting to say the least! I asked her, when the guys stepped away to go to the bar, if she was in shock and she was like “OMG!!! YES!!! HAHAHA!!!”

She and I hit it off pretty well and she kept saying to him “Oh MY GOD, I just love her!!! She looks so innocent!!” (Yeah, yeah) I was like “don’t worry, I’m NOT, haha”. When he stepped away she told me he’s really a great guy. That’s not the first time a woman that has known him in some capacity outside of sex has said that to me about him either. Awwww….

So anyhow the Professor was obviously pretty excited about this all. You could tell he would REALLY like to hook up with her. He was suggesting to me that I should make out with her and at one point we did. Also, her husband was HOT. He had an accent and looked like he might be Russian or something. Green eyes, light brown hair, chiseled model like features and he obviously worked out! Still he was a little more quiet than she was so didn’t get to know him as much.

The only other guy that stood out to me at the party was the DJ, who was the only other black man there besides the Professor and he was pretty dang cute but I never got a chance to talk to him. Not long after we got there the Professor had pulled me aside to mention he’d seen that guy and that I had his “permission” to flirt but he never let me out of his sight or near the guy so it didn’t happen, lol.

Anyhow, back to this girl the Professor already knew. Yeah, he was really interested in her and to be honest, even though I liked and enjoyed being with her too I was a little bit intimidated. She was super cute and very athletic, but tiny. She was barely 5 feet tall though she had on 6 inch heels so that made her seem taller, had big blue eyes, with tiny little features and dark brown hair. She’d obviously never had children.

This woman is a personal trainer as one of her side jobs and has a stripper pole in her living room. She knew all kinds of tricks and was up there on the pole doing acrobatic, hanging upside down shit that I’d never even attempt to try, at least at this point, lol. Actually, I’d never even seen anyone work a stripper pole before in my life. I’d never been in a strip club and have only seen little tidbits, on like, the Jerry Springer show, ha! I rarely even watch tv, let alone stuff like that.

Anyhow, she was trying to get me to come up and dance on the pole with her and I was all oh Hell no, but what can I say, I finally let myself be convinced. She was whispering to me not to worry about it the guys were all hammered anyway and wouldn’t know the difference. SO, in my somewhat vodka and cranberry- induced state I agreed and she promised to help me out so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself, lol. True to her word she was talking quietly to me through her teeth the entire time giving instructions and I think I did okay. 😉 We managed to stay in sync anyway. There was a crowd of people watching and we were right in front of the DJ- damn, I would have liked to have talked to him too! Ah well…

Afterwards she was like “see, you’re a natural!” and I don’t know about all that, but I did have fun. We were playing around and acting sexual with each other and eventually kissed and made out, which of course the Professor loved. He was there holding me then too. At one point she slapped me really hard on the ass though. What the hell is it with these aggressive women? Haha Damn….

So he starts telling her that I am really submissive in bed, which is true and she says she is more of a domme. Whatever, we all have our own preferences but I admit it left me wondering, because he seemed so interested in her, if that isn’t something he would like better.

Actually, I was starting to compare myself in a LOT of ways, which was really hard not to do and not to feel insecure about things he may like better about her than me. It makes me wonder if I’d be able to handle the swapping after all, if we got down to it, because I’d also worry since they’ve known each other a long time that he would fall in love with her or vice versa. I’m trying to get past that though. I know it’s not good to compare myself it’s just hard sometimes. Help! 😦

He exchanged numbers with her husband and I was worried that maybe he was gonna try to hook up with them on his own sometime but he’s since said stuff that lets me know he would at least want to include me. I guess that doesn’t mean he always would but it’s a start. He commented that the guy was decent looking and it’s true that that is rarely the case!

We didn’t hook up with anyone that night other than each other, but there are a couple possibilities for the future. We also went home to his place and had really hot sex with each other, after watching some other couples at the club. So all in all it wasn’t a bad experience at all and we had a good time and met some fun people. Looking forward to more adventures soon! 😉

kenandbarbie

Swinger party gone wrong

I’m almost embarrassed to write this. Really it was my own insecurities that ruined the night. But maybe you, dear readers, can glean something from my experience, so here goes.

This weekend I went to the third swinger party of my life. My original plans had actually been to meet with the Professor and a couple from out of town, but they cancelled on us at the last minute. The very last minute, like 5 minutes before I was due to leave out the door, they texted to inform us that they had found a single woman to play with and said that was what their first choice really was. Nice. Not really a huge deal, but annoying and didn’t get our night off to the best start.

So it was then that the Professor suggested attending a swinger party. He said that since we were already fixed up to go somewhere we might as well. The only problem, as I could see it, was that the party had a theme I wasn’t prepared to dress up for. It was a Goth/fetish night and I don’t own any clothes that fit that description.

I hemmed and hawed about what to wear and asked the Professor over text what he thought of one particular lingerie outfit he has seen parts of on me before. It’s not “Goth” but its shiny red with black lace and I would have to run by the store to get some new thigh highs. I could wear my black leather boots. He said not to worry about it. Don’t dress up, most people don’t dress up anyway. My feelings were kind of hurt that he didn’t seem excited about taking me in that outfit but I just said okay. When I called to tell the hosts we were coming the man I talked to said not to worry, he was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt because that’s “as Goth as he gets”. I actually love dressing up, and much prefer to be overdressed than underdressed for an occasion, so I was still a little worried because these were men, after all, and of course they weren’t likely to be wearing sexy clothing.

It was freezing cold outside so I finally settled on tight black leggings, my knee high, leather, high heeled, boots and a low cut, leopard print top. I threw on a chunky gold colored bracelet and some dangly earrings. Far from “Goth,” but it looked good on. Underneath I was wearing a red and black plaid bra with black lace and matching red and black lace panties. It was cold so I had to wear a coat.

The Professor picked me up and stopped by a drive thru to pick me up a salad for dinner. I thanked him and offered to pay for it but he declined, saying if I wanted to buy wine I could pay for that instead. He wouldn’t be drinking since he was driving and I was too embarrassed to admit I actually didn’t have enough money to buy a bottle of wine. So I claimed I thought it would be a good idea for me to try being sober for a change of pace. The other two parties we’d gone to I’d had fun but also been drinking. Not that alcohol, for me, is a bad thing. I don’t drink a whole lot and when I do I’m actually a super friendly drunk, not a problematic one.

We drove a little way out of town for the party and had good conversation but I was ever cognizant of the fact that he hadn’t greeted me with a kiss or any physical affection, like he usually does. When we found a parking spot and got out of his car he seemed a little distant. He asked if I needed help across the gravel and I didn’t because my shoes were high heeled, but comfortable. So he didn’t take my arm and seemed to be walking kind of fast ahead of me. Needing some kind of connection before walking into a situation where I knew there would be flirting and possibly sex with other people, I stopped him, and mentioned that he hadn’t kissed me yet. He said “oh, sorry, I forgot” and gave me a quick peck, before opening the door. My heart started to sink with disappointment and my nervousness was amplified as we walked in.

Sitting at the sign in table were three enormous women in, you guessed it, red and black lingerie. Dammit, I should have worn mine! I would have fit right in. Already I feel out of place. They flirted with the Professor as he paid and completely ignored me.

He has told me before that the wife of the host couple for the parties likes him, but she’s very overweight and he’s not attracted to that. I should probably mention that he has been in “the Lifestyle” for a couple of years and knows a lot of people in this area. I know almost no one. He’s very sociable and I know he’s slept with a lot of married women, but I don’t know which ones, except when he tells me. This makes me a little uncomfortable sometimes when he introduces me to people because I don’t know his relationship to them and if they are people he has been fucking or not. I’m not sure what the women are thinking when they see me with him. People are used to him coming alone. However, this particular party is for couples and single females. Single males aren’t even allowed. It has a reputation for being a bit cliquish. He’s told me so and I observed this at the last party we went to.

Anyway, we walk over to the drink table and fill our cups up with ice and Dr. Pepper. The male half of the host couple comes over to flirt and mentions that the Sybian machine hasn’t been set up yet but will be soon. He tells the Professor how beautiful I look and says he has something even better than the Sybian if we are interested. He sticks his finger under his tongue and wags his tongue at me then hollers over to his wife “honey, which is better, the Sybian or this”? She rolls her eyes and points at his tongue. “THAT”. He is being touchy and flirty with me and tells the Professor he must have “forgotten something outside” and acts as though he is going to pull me away. The Professor laughs and the man asks again what my name is. The Professor says a name that he has called me by accident on more than one occasion. It’s very close to my own and he claims there is a woman he has worked with for several years who is named that and it gets confusing to him. This rubs me the wrong way but I don’t say anything until the man walks away. “My name isn’t ____”, I say, half- jokingly, but not really. He laughingly apologizes.

A moment later, a young couple that apparently knows the Professor walks up to us and starts to chat with him. The woman is wearing nothing but a pair of panties and a tight half shirt. Her panties said something on the back and she turned to show the Professor while her husband encouraged him to smack her on the ass. I have no idea if these are people he has had threesomes with before or not. After slapping her ass she turns around and flashes her gigantic boobs at him and another couple that is now standing there. He finally looks over at me and introduces me to them. He laughs and tells the woman “I keep forgetting her name”. I don’t find this the least bit funny. In fact it’s pretty humiliating for him to say that to a woman he’s just been flirting with and touching all over. I’m polite but inside I’m feeling sick.

We make our way across the room to an area where there is a man whipping people with various instruments on some sort of special chair. I’m watching with interest but definitely not turned on by it at all. It’s very weird to me because the people are requesting what they want to be smacked with and the man later told me he continuously asks them questions about whether or not it’s too hard and makes sure they are comfortable. He gets paid 100 dollars an hour to do this in people’s homes, for both men and women. Crazy. I guess in my mind if I were going to participate in something like that it would have to seem more “real” and less staged. Not that I am into a lot of pain anyway, but I do like spankings, just not in the way he was administering them. He was kind of dancing around and slapping them on the back with the whips and doing something with a violet wand that shocks people.

Meanwhile another woman comes up to chat and she is very friendly and sweet. I like her immediately but not in a sexual way. She’s in her early 50’s and is being flirty with the Professor. She asks what our screen name is on the swinger site, assuming we are a couple. The Professor quickly sets her straight with “oh, we aren’t actually a couple” and tells her his. I’m polite again and flirt with him and tease a bit about his screen name to the lady but inside I feel myself tense with embarrassment that he seems so quick to brush me off again and am starting to wish I’d never come there with him.

We make our way back across to the other side of the party, checking out the empty sex swing room and some mattresses that no one is playing on yet. He seems to be walking fast, not taking my arm and really being “with” me like he has in the past. I don’t know if it’s just my imagination but I start to wonder if there is someone there he has slept with before that he doesn’t want to think he likes me too much or what. His attitude the whole night seems more distant towards me and I’m starting to feel pretty bad.

He announces that he is going to run to the restroom and get another drink. He asks where I am going to be and I say I don’t know as he leaves me standing alone in the middle of the empty dance floor and rushes off. I feel abandoned. I don’t know any of these people and this particular party is known for being a bit cliquish. There are no single men, just couples and a few extra women but many of the people don’t leave their little “groups” most of the night. I make my way over to a table on the side of the room near the refreshments and no one says a word to me as I sit down. I wonder, given his behavior tonight so far, if he is just trying to ditch me so he can talk to someone.

I watch out of the corner of my eye as he comes out of the restroom, fills up his drink and then glances in my direction. Sure enough he doesn’t walk over to me but instead heads for the Sybian room. In a flash of anger I get up and start walking in that direction. I can see his silhouette through the curtain and he is talking with a woman, touching and flirting. I get closer and hear him laughing. This is a woman I had seen earlier, dressed in a tight lingerie body suit, her ass completely hanging out in the open air. I’m sure this is why he left me. I lift open the curtain and it’s just him, the guy running the Sybian and her, from what I can see. I pause. “Oh, I’m sorry for interrupting” then turn on my heel and walk out.

“LOVERGIRL” I hear him shout as he comes after me. Now he gets my name right. I ignore him and keep walking. I just want to get away from him, anywhere. I try to get into a restroom but it’s locked so I zip across the room to another locked bathroom on the other side. My heart is racing. Someone finally opens the door and I lock myself inside. I wonder if I can stay in here the whole night. It’s freezing outside and I’m wearing a sleeveless top. I feel like crying but I don’t want to ruin my makeup so I stare at myself in the mirror, trying not to blink, my hands gripping the edge of the sink. I can’t help but notice that I actually look pretty good tonight. Why doesn’t he want to be with me? I feel awful.

Finally I get myself together enough to leave the restroom. I walk quickly back across the room to get my coat and hear the Professor again call out my name. I bang my shin into a chair but keep walking. Throwing on my coat I walk past again and out the door, the Professor on my heels. He follows me out to the hotel across the other side of the parking lot. He’s not wearing a coat and stands there trying to talk to me. I ask for my phone, which he has in his pocket but he won’t give it to me. He swears up and down that he wasn’t flirting with that woman and tells me I can even go ask her husband, who was supposedly sitting in the corner, a hugely overweight man, that I somehow had managed to miss. I tell him I don’t care if he was flirting, that’s the point of being there but I don’t appreciate being ditched for someone. He keeps acting as though I’m upset about flirting and says how he flirts with everyone. No, the point is that you LEFT me to do it.

Everything comes out. Forgetting my name, embarrassing me in front of other women by laughing about “forgetting” it even though we’ve been seeing each other and sleeping together for 3 months, saying we are not a couple and worst of all ditching me in the middle of a place where I don’t know anyone so he could go talk to someone else. He swears up and down he didn’t mean anything by it and that the only reason he went in the Sybian room was to look for me. He claims he couldn’t find me among the crowd. I find that hard to believe. I’m not very hard to spot, sitting alone to the side of the room that was full of couples.

He gets upset “do you really think I would do something like that to you?? What kind of person do you think I am?” He’s shivering in the cold with no coat and he still won’t give me my phone. He apologizes for forgetting my name but says none of the other stuff was wrong and I shouldn’t be upset. I say I just want my phone. I don’t want to go back in there. He can have fun if he wants I don’t want to stay. He drove me there but I’m thinking of calling someone or a taxi or maybe just hanging out at the hotel until it’s over. I am on a downward spiral emotionally and it’s not going to get any better when I feel like this. I say maybe he can take me home and come back. He says he’s not going to do that.

He kisses me and takes my arm, pulling me close. “Come on”. I say I really don’t want to go back in there but reluctantly agree, asking for my phone. This time I put it in my coat pocket. He makes sure to stay by my side from that point on but I’m still in a bad mood that I can’t seem to lift myself out of.

We talk to some other near naked women. A young blonde girl, who is maybe in her very early 20’s, has obviously no kids and a near perfect figure, standing there in only a pair of panties, comes up and starts talking to the Professor and I. Well, mostly him. She’s asking about his work and coaching. Her blonde, somewhat attractive husband comes up to flirt with me. He can’t believe I’ve had children he says turning me around to look at my ass. I’m not really into it though. I’m still feeling off kilter and he finally backs down, saying I seem a bit uncomfortable. Meanwhile another female in her early 20’s is rubbing on this girl from the back. The blonde girl steps aside to talk to me and says she has never full couple swapped, only played with other women. She’s nice but I’m still not feeling very secure and we move on.

Someone is on the sex swing. It’s a man, and his wife is giving him a blow job. We watch for a minute then head over by an orgy that is happening on mattresses on the floor. The Professor knows these people, at least some of them. He says he’s been to house parties with them in the past. A guy who is fucking a woman on one side of the bed calls over to the Professor and asks him if he’d like to be next. “Yes, come on” invites the woman, motioning towards her pussy, then glances at me “will she mind?” The professor looks at me. “Do whatever you want” I say. He doesn’t believe me. He later said my body language belied me. True I was pulling away. I didn’t want to stand there and watch him fuck people while I looked like an idiot on the sidelines. No one was asking me to join but another woman soon was on top of her face. I also needed to use the restroom after drinking all that pop. I told him to go ahead if he wants to, I was going to use the restroom. After managing to get past the DJ, who was trying to flirt with me, I walked away.

On my way back out the Professor stopped me. I asked why he didn’t join in and he said “you really didn’t want me to”. I said you can do whatever you want to but he said he told them not this time. I asked if he would have done it if I weren’t there and he says maybe, but maybe not. He was tired and not especially attracted to the woman. He says he might have “taken one for the team” though. I said I don’t want to be his “ball and chain” and he told me to stop it.

He leaned against a table and pulled me up to kiss him. He asked if there was anyone there I wanted to play with tonight. Not really. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Then a woman that he knows walked by and he stopped her, making some sort of joke. Her husband came up soon after and started talking with us, as well as a man who I had sex with once before in an after party orgy. Once the professor got talking to the guy who had been in our previous orgy the woman looked over at me and said cattily “well, you are a lot prettier than he SAID you were”. My face fell and her husband was watching but the Professor didn’t hear. She flicked her hair and turned the other way, refusing to look at me while her husband attempted to make up for it by repeatedly telling me how beautiful I am and how they like to tease.

The Professor only saw the behavior of the husband, who turned to him and apologized, again saying I was really beautiful. I felt myself growing more and more upset. Would the Professor really say something like that about me or was she just being a bitch? I finally asked him, did you really say that? “Say what?” and I told him of her comment. He said “NO, of course not, I’ve never told them anything about how you look.” Later he told me he’d previously turned down that couple when he and I were together because he told them he was spending the evening with me instead. He says he hasn’t slept with her but they’d asked him a couple of times. I guess she was jealous but it was not a good end to my already sucky evening. I tend to be really sensitive about people not liking me for no reason.

Anyhow, I left and went home with the professor. We ended up having a long talk and finally seeming to make up. I spent the night with him and we had great sex, even though it was really late and he’d originally said we could just cuddle together and go to sleep since we were so emotionally tired. More good sex in the morning but I’m still a little leery of my ability to attend swinger parties with him in the future. Part of me wants to prove that it was just a one- time bout with insecurity but part of me wonders if I am cut out for this at all.

There were some factors that affected me, like the fact that I was a couple days before starting my period and I tend to hit rock bottom emotionally then. It seems to bring out the worst insecurities in me as well. He says he was extra tired from a long day of refereeing tournament games and that is why he may have seemed more distant in the beginning. He also claims that it is perfectly normal in “the Lifestyle” for people to invite one part of a couple to join into an orgy while the other person is left standing there all awkward. I don’t like that much at all. I also feel shy at these parties because he knows a lot of people and I don’t. I’m someone that in some situations can really live it up and be wild at a party but other times I can appear reserved. It really depends on my comfort level and the vibe of the party and those around me. This was not one of my good nights. I also was sober. Maybe I’m better off drunk, lol.

Some of the stuff I just need to deal with on my own, like flipping out over him going into that room with that woman. I don’t think he is someone who would actually abandon me at a party but I’ve had a guy do that to me in the past, actually LEFT me there while he took off with the other woman so my inner panic was due to things in the past that have happened to me. I wasn’t feeling “hot” that night either due to so many women being in lingerie and it didn’t help that the DJ said he didn’t recognize me right away since I was “wearing so many clothes” this time. In an honest assessment, I still probably looked better than 75% of the women there, who were older, unattractive, or obese, but my focus was on the young women with perfect bodies who never had kids and can run around near naked without feeling any fear.

My self- image isn’t at its best after years of being sexually rejected by my ex- husband. I can’t even wear a bikini at the lake without worrying about my body. One on one I know guys like me and I can drum up my confidence, but when it comes to comparing myself with other women I often feel I come up short. UGH. I so need to get over that!! Especially if I am ever going to go to a swinger party again!! I swear half the women looked like the lady in the picture above. Really. So honestly, if you saw me there you’d think I was being ridiculous.

Well, there you have it! My insecurities laid bare. I suck. I’m so mad at myself for acting that way. The downside of the swing hit me hard. I hope I can make it back up to the top and actually have FUN next time, if there is one.