Tag Archive | online dating

Masquerading as a man

Jessie-Matthews1

So I decided to try being a man for awhile.  Don’t get too excited, I only mean online.  I decided to make a man’s profile on Plenty of Fish.

WTF Lovergirl?  Why the hell would you do that?  Don’t worry, I haven’t decided I don’t want to be a woman anymore,  lol.  The PINK, people, look at the pink blog you are reading!! No worries about a sex change here anywhere in the near future. 😉

In fact, I have decided that being a man, totally sucks!!  I am more glad than ever that I was born a female, haha. 🙂  I’m especially thankful not to be a man, trying to meet women via online dating.

It all began when I was chatting the other night with a few men from an online forum.  One of the guys was saying he had given up on trying to date women online, that he thought he was too “ugly” and wasn’t getting enough responses.  I’ve seen his profile and photos and thought he was being ridiculous.  I was like, it’s not your looks, it has to be your attitude, and chided him a bit for giving up so “easily”.

The other guys were agreeing with him that if you are an average looking guy, not many women will respond to your advances.  I wasn’t convinced.  I thought he just needed to exude more CONFIDENCE.

SO, in order to prove a point, I decided to make a man’s profile, and see how I would do.  The guys helped me pick out a photo.  I was going to be a very average looking white guy, with an average build, wearing an average t-shirt, and we decided his job would be “computer programmer”.  He only had “some college” as his education, no kids and never been married.  We picked an average city for him to be from, and fairly average hobbies.

I thought we could say he was military, because of his haircut, but the guys said no. According to them, he’d get laid on that alone. What?? Okay, okay, guilty. LMFAO 

The object here, was to help this poor guy get some sex, or at least a chance at a date.  Of course, I had no intention of actually following up on any emails with women under this guise, or standing up any of them for dates.  That would be too mean.  We were just going to see if he could get RESPONSES. 

I full well believed the guys when they say women don’t usually randomly hit them up on sites like that.  I mean, I generally wouldn’t do that either.  Even if I found a guy attractive, the chances of me SAYING anything to him are slim.  Heck, I don’t usually even browse sites like that much at all.  I just open my email every few days or so and scroll down the long list of guys who have messaged me to see if any catch my interest.

My attitude has always been a little bit of annoyance when men complain about this, actually.  I mean, why would they expect us to make the first move??  Men generally don’t even LIKE women being forward with them.  At least that’s what women are told, and it seems to ring true.  You get too upfront with guys and they run away scared, lol.

The Professor used to complain about women not hitting him up on the swinger site and I’m like WTH, of course they don’t!  That’s the man’s job right?  To pursue women is all on them.  I didn’t have a whole lot of sympathy.  It’s kind of against nature to expect women to go around approaching men for sex.  The reactions we get for even admitting we WANT that can be pretty strong from most of the population.

Anyhow, the experiment ensued.  Mr. Plain and Boring was infused with a really awesome personality and loads of confidence.  Because behind the mask was…well, ME, lmao, and we all know how awesome of a person I am. 😉  I wrote up what I thought was a pretty entertaining and intriguing profile.  The men agreed.

Right away I got an email from a woman.  Score!  She had a pretty face.  I showed her to the guys in chat and they were like, “no, no…she’s overweight.  You can tell by the angle of her pics. ”  They said one really big girl didn’t count and I needed to be able to get attractive, average to thin bodied females, to respond. 

Okay, whatever.  I went to work finding women to email.  That was actually harder than I expected.  I thought there would be more attractive ladies out there, but maybe I am just picky.  The girls I finally ended up choosing for this guy, were all very cute. It just took a lot of work scrolling through the not so hot ones.

Let me just stop and say here.. that women are fucking crazy!!  This is the first time I’ve really bothered to read a bunch of female profiles, and ladies, seriously, I am embarrassed for my gender.  Women will have all these pics posted of themselves, say, wearing a g-string bikini, bending over and doing all sorts of sexy poses, then their profile reads “I’m not looking for men who want sex and don’t be trying to put your hand on my leg on a date!!”  (true story).  I actually laughed out loud at the dissonance in some of these profiles. 

Anhow, my alter ego emailed about 20 women, with what I thought were pretty good and unique opening lines.  The guys in chat thought so too.  No response.  Not a single one.  About 8 or so of them eventually viewed the profile (a feature I’d barely even noticed existed before, you can see who has been looking at you). 

He followed up with one or two of the women who viewed him, but I was losing steam.  This was depressing…and a lot of WORK.  Sheesh.  All I do normally, is email someone back, who sent me an email earlier, and I usually get a response right away.

It’s totally disappointing to log into a dating site and not have an email from a SINGLE person.  What a let down.  I totally feel a little more for the guys now.

I got excited for a minute when I saw someone had said “yes” they want to meet him on the “meet me” feature.  I clicked to see who it was and it my enthusiasm deflated.  Yet another grotesquely obese lady, and this one didn’t even have a very pretty face.

I haven’t taken down the profile yet, and maybe I’ll give it another whirl here soon, but boy, this is TIRING, from an average man’s perspective.  I never stopped to think just how much EFFORT some guys have to put into getting someone to have sex with them.  I know I should have, because I’ve been on a forum for guys who are trying to get help with getting laid for awhile, but this was still pretty eye opening for me. 

Now I know why men are always showing “online” on the swinger site, lol.  Here I thought it was just because they are perving all the naked pictures.  Now I realize at least some of that time they are probably busting their butts sending out emails, haha.  I am one of those women who often sucks at responding too.  A lot of times I don’t even read them and when I do it’s rare for me to email back, unless I see something I really like.

I’m spoiled, but I like it.  I totally love being a female.  Wouldn’t change it for the world.  Especially now that I have ventured over there and gotten a little taste of what it means to be a man.  No thanks!!!  No penis envy here, whatsoever!!  LOL 😉 

I feel bad for you men. What do you want as your consolation prize? A cookie? You can’t have this one!! Don’t go trying to get it on the first date either!! I’m playing….lol, don’t try to kill me 😉 hahaha

My latest Craigslist date

uncomfortable date

Last night I went on a date with a Puerto Rican man I met through the casual encounters section of Craigslist.  I had posted an ad saying I was looking for a man who really knew his way around the bedroom and a woman’s body and he was one of the first responders that seemed attractive so I agreed. 

The first picture he sent me had sunglasses on.  He looked cute enough but I wasn’t sure so I requested one where I could see his eyes.  I hate it when guys use pics that don’t show their eyes.  He obliged and from the pic he looked pretty hot! 

I said I preferred to meet first in public to make sure we were both who we said we were, so he offered to take me out to dinner.  Good deal and he seemed really nice.  There was no mention of sex, but I was kind of assuming that was in the cards if things worked out, considering the nature of my ad and that it was in the NSA section of Craigslist, lol.

From the discussion we had beforehand he sounded like a pretty good guy.  He is 38, military and just moved here from Alaska for a job where he supervises men on the shooting range.  He has a degree in Graphic Arts with a concentration on social sciences and small business administration.  Previously, he was stationed in Afghanistan and Iraq and says this is kind of a “break” for him.  All this made him sound reasonably decent and normal so I was looking forward to meeting.

A lot of other men responded to my ad and I wasn’t interested in most of them, but there were a couple more I kind of liked.  One in particular, who was trying to get me to drop my date and come see him instead, but I didn’t want to be disrespectful so I told him maybe at a later time.  Eventually my ad was flagged and taken down, as usual.  There were also a couple of men from the swinger site who were going to be in town and one even emailed me during and after the date wanting me to meet him at his hotel room but I wasn’t so sure about that one anyway and didn’t respond.  By the time I got his messages I was already on my way to pick up the kids.

Anyhow, Mr. Puerto Rican seemed dependable and sure enough he showed up when he said he would, riding into town on his motorcycle.  He lives where there is a military base, about an hour and a half away.  Actually, my fuck buddy is there too and maybe the bulk of the more attractive men in this area.  Us ladies can always count on military bases for an influx of fresh meat. 😉 The ex-cop came from that direction as well.

Like a lot of guys, he wanted ME to pick the restaurant.  Understandable, since he hasn’t been to this town in over a decade, but I hate it when men want me to choose.  It’s like, he’s paying and I don’t want to pick anything out of his price range, so I don’t know what to say.  I know restaurants that I would love to dine in but it would make me feel bad if he spent tons of money and I ended up not wanting to have sex. 

I wasn’t sure so he suggested we meet downtown.  A lot of the restaurants there are pretty pricy and I kept thinking of this really nice Italian place where the Prof dropped about $75 on me for our first date, but I wasn’t about to suggest that, and honestly thinking of him just hurts right now.  Even anything close to there would remind me of him. 

My indecisiveness caused him to say he’d be waiting for me at a gas station and he gave me the address so I drove there in my super cool minivan (ha) and pulled up next to his bike (which actually is pretty nice).  I smiled and waved and got out and talked to him for a few.  He was wearing sunglasses and I had to ask him to take them off again so I could see him better.

He looked like his picture.  His face was attractive but not as attractive as I’d imagined in my head.  He was clearly built and muscular, though he was wearing a leather jacket and it was like 80 degrees.  The thing that got to me was his VOICE.  It wasn’t the Puerto Rican accent, though he did have one, but the nasally sound of it.  Almost like one of those cartoonish depictions of a Mexican, lol. Visions of Cheech and Chong in Up in Smoke danced in my head.  I could almost hear him say “hey man, am I driving okay? Man, I think we’re parked!”  He didn’t say “man” though, haha.

He stood at about 5’8”, which is the same height as a lot of the guys I’ve slept with/dated, including the guy I had the affair with, my fwb, my fuck buddy, the Professor.  However, I was in a sundress and heels (I think they are about 4 inches) and felt unnecessarily tall.  I think I was just getting that “vibe” from him that he didn’t like it.  My fuck buddy is like that too, when I wore heels on a date the minute we got to the hotel room he was like “take those damn things off” because he didn’t like me being too tall.  I’m only 5’6” but lately a lot of people have been making me feel too tall.  WTF?  Sure enough, he later commented on my height, saying he was expecting me to be shorter.  Sigh….

Anyhow, I suggested maybe we get Mexican food, but he wasn’t down with that.  He said Puerto Ricans hate Mexican food and spicy stuff.  Okay then, Applebees?  LOL  He agreed and said he would follow me there. 

Unfortunately, though the drive would normally have been about 5 minutes, it ended up being much longer because we got stuck in the middle of some kind of parade/car show.  Meanwhile I’m kind of watching him follow behind me on the motorcycle and trying to decide if there was any chemistry between us.  I wasn’t really feeling it.

FINALLY we arrived and since it’s in the middle of this little show going on it was PACKED but we managed to get a seat fairly quickly.  The waitress arrived and he was complaining to her about them not having drinks large enough for him.  He didn’t order any alcohol but I got a mango margarita and some margarita lime chicken and he got himself one of these triple appetizer plates PLUS a full meal that he proceeded to scarf down.  By now he’s taken off the jacket and his shirt is covered with spots of sweat.  I can vaguely smell it from across the table.

He spent almost the entire time talking about himself.  I didn’t get much of a word in edgewise so he later decided I was “shy”.  Dammit.  Clearly I’m coming across this way to guys lately, but it’s really not the case.  I guess I’m situationally shy sometimes but mostly I was just listening to him and asking occasional questions.

During the course of the conversation it came out that he is MARRIED.  He is married to a 22 year old Russian woman who is trying to get her green card and he says after another year, when she gets it, they will divorce.  Meanwhile he says she spends all his money on purses and shoes and doesn’t do anything and that he feels he is a good guy for not making her work like a slave, as other men would do.  :::Blink, blink:::::  He goes on to tell me how he could be beating her and stuff but he doesn’t.  Gee, how thoughtful and kind of him.  Then he goes into detail about the amount of extra money he gets from the military for having a wife. 

Also, he mentions how aggressive he was/is growing up and how women always told him he is “crazy”.  Gee, that’s encouraging me to want to sleep with him…not!  He adds that he got his first wife put in jail.  Later he says it’s because she attacked him out of jealousy and went after him with a gun.  He said she was holding it up against him and he was holding her back and unloading the gun with his other hand while bullets were dropping all over the floor, then she chased him to his car and he ran out there half naked and she was beating on him and another guy came out there with a gun pointing it at him thinking it was his fault and the police showed up.  Nice story for a first date.

Oh yeah, and he told me his “secret” for when women attack him.  He says he just grabs their purse and throws it out a window or door because women care so much about their makeup and stuff that they will run after the purse rather than attack him and then he has the upper hand and can lock them out or whatever.  According to him this “always” works, as apparently he has needed this technique frequently.

He talks about how he grew up Catholic and was supposed to be a priest but that didn’t happen due to everyone saying he was too aggressive and violent.  He tells me women love violent and aggressive men that beat them and he thinks the secret is that they are good behind closed doors ::: wink, wink:::  Some comments are thrown in about how all “Hispanics” run their own “business” and he does that too.  It sounded like he was alluding to drug deals, though he didn’t outright say it.

He went on to describe his secrets for picking up women in areas like this.  Pretending to need help with things like square dancing lessons and country line dancing because they LOVE it when you try to dance like them, but he really doesn’t care for country music.  Bahahaha….  Offhandedly, he mentions that all men are secretly “evil”.  He says there really are no good men in the world, that if you put them behind closed doors they would all do bad things and sleep with underage girls.  I hadn’t brought up the topic, he did it all on his own, lol, so I asked if women were the same way, secretly “evil” and he said no. Damn.  He did say though that usually we are bipolar.  That is why women attack guys all the time.

Given his philosophies on life he was strangely non-sexual.  I was quite relieved that he didn’t try anything on me, though also surprised.  Maybe he just wanted my feminine company, a listening ear?  Or maybe he wasn’t attracted to me?  WTF?  Am I that bad?  Sheesh.

Afterwards, he suggested we watch the parade for a bit and talk. At some point an 11-12 year old girl came up and wanted him to take a picture of her with his motorcycle and he obliged and was friendly.  He asked me what I thought about him and at first I kind of shrugged and said IDK, and he was like really?   Anyway, I thanked him for dinner and said I needed to get my kids and he gave me a peck on the cheek before leaving.  He asked when I am available and said maybe we could meet another time. He later texted that he’d had a good time and thank you!

It kind of reminded me of the guy who gave me the flowers and showed virtually no sexual intent but now and then hits me up again saying he likes me.  HE actually texted me during the date asking if I was free and I didn’t respond until afterwards but he didn’t try and meet then.  I don’t get it.

It’s killing me that I’m having such dry luck and the Prof is off having the time of his life when he’s the one that hurt me in the first place.  Yes I did sleep with a couple of guys since then, but nothing worth continuing.  Ugh.  I think I wanted him to know he hurt me because I deliberately went and looked at his profile this morning and made it where he can see that I did.  I have no intention of talking to him further, just wanted to make it clear that I saw. 

It was probably dumb and maybe now he’s gloating over that fact, but if he cared at all I’d hope he’d also have some guilt.  I would have felt kinda bad if the Jamaican guy had verified me on the site and he saw that, even though I view the breakup as more his fault.  Part of me might have been feeling vindicated but I also would never want to hurt someone that I loved and cared about.  He’s a guy though so probably just wanting to drive the knife in deeper, or reveling in the fact that he outdid me.  I don’t know. 

I know I should leave it and him alone, and that doing otherwise probably makes me look desperate and pathetic.  So I’m not planning on looking any more.  I may even avoid the site altogether after today.  Just had to do that one little thing.  Maybe reach out enough that if there is anything left or any chance I will hear from him again, he will let me know.  I doubt it, but will see.  :/  I just checked though after writing this and he did look back at mine.

It’s not that there aren’t other men in the world and I don’t know that eventually I could find a great one, it’s that I really still have feelings for him.  I thought we had a really good thing and I wanted it to work out so badly.  Why does it have to be so hard? :/

Drying the tears

Ironically, the Professor actually sang this song to me once, after we’d had sex. It came on the stereo and he said he’d sung it as part of a duet when he was in show choir in high school. :/

Everything is reminding me of him. Last night I woke up from a dream that he was crying and sending me a bunch of text messages saying he missed me. Then I dreamt that he sent a video of his day at work, just couldn’t get him out of my subconscious I guess. I took my kids out for frozen custard and of course it was to the same place where he’d taken us before. I emailed with a guy off Craigslist about riding his Sybian (lol) and guess where he lives? It sounds like it’s the same freaking apartment complex as the Professor!!

Now I’m thinking if I try and actually follow through with that the Prof might see my vehicle and think I’m stalking him! LOL Um, no, I was just err, visiting this guy I met off Craigslist that I’m not even attracted to because it sounded like a fun idea to ride his Sybian? LMAO. I do want to try it again and this guy looks relatively harmless, as opposed to some guys I’d emailed with off there in the past. He looks like someone’s dad.

I had contemplated doing something like that once when the Prof and I were still talking and he wasn’t too keen on the idea. He thought it sounded dangerous and like some random guy off Craigslist wouldn’t really just want to watch, like he says. The exhibitionist in me thinks it would be fun to have him just watch, lol, but he doesn’t look like someone I’d want to sleep with. I don’t want to feel obligated. Still, like I said, this guy seems pretty decent and respectable and it sounds like he’s done this before.

Still, it seems like a fun way to get my rocks off and not actually have to have sex with someone and maybe regret it afterwards. Oh, and the motor ran out on my vibrator and I have to get a new one so I’m going crazy in the meantime! BAD TIMING!! Sheesh. No more sex with my favorite person and my freaking sex toy fails me too. Dangit! LOL Thank God for my shower massager. I had to use it twice today.

Anyhow I do have a date planned for this weekend, for sex, with the guy I met right before seeing my fuck buddy while the Professor was out of town. He is a retired military police officer, a couple years older than the professor, but in awesome shape and he’s nice looking too. Now that he’s retired he drives some kind of flatbed truck around and he says that loading it gives him a great workout and that’s why he has six pack abs. I can handle that! LOL Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll have an old pair of handcuffs hanging around somewhere 😉 ;).

I met him on the swinger site and he seems really nice. I actually responded to his email because something about his pics and attitude reminded me a little bit of the Professor. He’s 6’5″ (!!!) and he’s done the swinging thing in another state over the past few years but before that he was married for 20 years. He said he used to paint his wife’s toenails for her and was telling me how in a pinch you can do French tips using whiteout, lol. Maybe I can get a pedicure while I’m there too!

Ha, I’m playing but he is back in town and wanted to meet me at a hotel between here and where he lives before he takes off again on his truck. I’m thinking that sounds fun right now. According to him he really likes to go down on women and sometimes use toys. Plus he’s got an 8 inch cock. 😉 He was gonna take me out for drinks again beforehand.

Oh, and I’ve got another possible date lined up the day before with a guy who also says he just moved here. I met this one on Plenty of Fish. He’s a couple years younger than me and his pics are pretty cute with a really nice smile. He works with special needs kids and is also a personal trainer. He plays on a local basketball league too. We’ve texted back and forth a little bit and so far I like him.

Meanwhile I’ve resurrected my OkCupid profile. I still had it but the email inbox was full and I hadn’t bothered to update it for a long time. The minute I cleared out old emails and put up a couple new pics I was being inundated with zillions of new guys trying to hit me up.

Sometimes the dating sites are a little overwhelming. Like I don’t have time to email everyone back and keep up with the amount of guys that are contacting me all at once. I had to disable instant messaging on that site and POF because it’s just too freaking crazy.

I even got a hate mail already from some dude because he had emailed me and so I clicked on his profile but didn’t have a chance to write him or anything. He lived too far away anyway so it didn’t seem worth my time. Anyhow, his first email said “nice smile” and when I clicked on his profile he sent me this:

Yea most of you American females just aren’t that appreciative. I take back the compliment.

I’m thinking, God what a dick. So I clicked on his profile again to see where the hell he was from that he was making nasty comments about “American” females. I of course didn’t bother to respond to his hating and he so he sent me this:

You need to stop viewing my profile since you can’t appreciate a genuine compliment from a stranger. All you women do on here is ignore men who are trying to talk and have a decent conversation. I have to admit that western women are really no good when it comes to dating/relationships and it’s no surprise a lot of you are single and lonely at an older age. I don’t know why it’s so hard talking to western women. Good luck and please don’t view my profile anymore.

Not wanting to buy into his needless drama, I ignored the comment and didn’t look at his profile again. SO he then sends me THIS:

Most of you women are on here for the attention and to boost your ego. Too bad men have to deal with this crap.

Wha?? Sheesh! Chill the fuck out already, seriously!! And you wonder why women don’t respond back to you?? UGH

Oh and I’ve gotten like ten emails already with comments about my boobs. They are like “nice chest” or “nice peaches”. WTF? Are we in middle school again? Like really? That is so crass. I’m not even wearing a super revealing top or anything. I’m in a sundress in the pics and you can see a little bit of cleavage but it’s not trashy looking at all. Men… I swear, would anyone really be jumping at the chance to email back a guy who is all grunt, grunt “nice tits you got there”? SMFH

Anyway, wish me luck! I so need to get my mind off the Professor. :/ It would be nice not to break into tears several times a day. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m working on it.

Stopping the stalkers…

stalker

I got a text last night from a number I don’t recognize and isn’t in my phone contacts. It was some sort of Youtube video with a random guy rapping. At first I didn’t open it because I thought it might be spam.

Instead I texted back whoever it was:

“Who is this?”

Creepy person: “Ur lover”

Me: “What?”

CP: “Yep, I still admire you a lot”

Me: “Who is this?”

CP: “Just figure it out”

CP: “Muah”

Me: “Who is this?”

No response after that. WTF?

The sad thing is that it could be any of a myriad of stalker guys I have collected in the past couple of years. I actually went into my T-mobile account this morning and figured out how to block numbers. Thank God for the Family Allowances plan, that I have also used to control my teenager’s phone and ground him from texting or calling anyone but me when he gets in trouble. Only problem is that it limits me to blocking only 10 numbers from my phone at a time. Apparently there are more guys harassing me than T-mobile can keep up with, or at least more numbers. Do these guys seriously think calling me from a DIFFERENT NUMBER is going to make me MORE INTERESTED in speaking to them? SMFH

Here’s the breakdown of the suspects I have blocked from my phone for now:

The DJ: This is a guy I met and had a one night stand with over a year ago. We went out on a date followed by returning to his house to show me his deejaying equipment. He even gave me a personalized CD which I later listened to and decided totally sucked and threw it in the trash, but that’s beside the point.

After messing around with his equipment for a bit I told him I’d really better get going. So he sat on the couch and pulled me over to him, yanked down my pants (which came off rather easily) and started licking. Then he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. As he started to pull off his pants I said wait, aren’t you going to wear a condom? He said yes and then proceeded to go right in WITHOUT one. After sex I said I really needed to go now and he wouldn’t let me get up. He pinned me down and went in for round two. I finally got out of there, but not before agreeing to let him take a couple of pictures (without my face).

In any case, his pushiness turned me off enough that I decided I never wanted to see him again. He, on the other hand had other plans. He told me he thought I was the perfect woman for him and he wanted to make me his girlfriend (despite me telling him quite clearly beforehand that I was only in this for NSA sex and wasn’t interested in more and him adamantly agreeing). I told him I was not interested in meeting him again but the emails and calls and texts continued. I decided ignoring him was my best bet. Then he would call from different numbers. Ignore, ignore, ignore and he will eventually go away right?

As luck would have it I was out on a date with a new guy at a Mexican restaurant in town when in walks the DJ with another woman. She looked, old, overweight and frumpy but they were clearly “together”. He saw me and later texted “YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!”

Okay, that should be the end of him now right? NOPE. He started sending me emails on the site where we met (Plenty of Fish) BEGGING me to see him again. One recently even said “I will do ANYTHING to be with you”.

I started getting random texts from numbers I don’t have in my phone with comments like “U really make me feel bad”. Could it be him? Quite possibly. He is at the top of my list for guilt inducing texts so I’m thinking there’s a good chance it’s him who texted me last night, plus the fact there was a video of some unknown rapper. Like who but a DJ would send me that? Never fear though, there are other possibilities.


The Coach
: Somewhere around the time I met the DJ guy last year I also met a man who coaches high school football. We went on a date to a bar. I was horny (ovulating) and in the mood for sex. This guy was huge and I had to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him. He claimed to be cool with casual sex or a one night stand so I figured why not? He was sort of a rough and aggressive type and we had sex at his place which wasn’t bad except for him wanting me to bite his nipple. Like he wanted me to bite the hell out of it, nothing was hard enough. I think he wanted me to draw blood and I am totally not into that.

He too, refused to wear a condom. I had brought one along and he insisted he had a vasectomy and didn’t need it. So I offered to put it on for him. He claimed I did it wrong and ripped it off before going inside me. I didn’t have another one and of course neither did he.

When I was getting ready to leave he backed me up against the door and asked if there were any other guys in there, putting his hand between my legs. When I admitted yes he said he was going to make sure he was the only one from now on. Um, whatever, just let me leave.

So afterwards I told him I was only interested in a one night stand and nothing further. He didn’t believe me and tried to convince me otherwise. I started ignoring his texts and calls as well but I still get emails that I never respond to, begging. He was from Plenty of Fish as well
.
The Murderer: I met this guy on Plenty of Fish (notice a pattern here? Haha). We actually emailed like once or so and I had totally forgotten about him until I ran into him at Walmart. He recognized me from the website and despite my hair being in a ponytail, having kids with me and being a hot mess from just having worked out, he claimed I was way hotter in person. He followed me out to the parking lot to ask for my number. He seemed nice and decent and was kinda cute so I gave it to him and actually allowed him to pick me up at my house for our first date. I reasoned that he didn’t seem creepy in person and it was probably okay.

So, he took me out for dinner and halfway through informs me that he had spent 10 years in prison for a murder he says he didn’t commit. (That’s what they all say. Find me a guy in prison who admits to actually committing the crime. Yeah….) Nevertheless I ever so wisely allowed him to drive me back to his house, which was actually an extended stay hotel (yikes). There he gave me a foot rub. I was sitting on his bed. It was the fastest foot rub in the history of man. He lotioned up my feet and went to work and then jumped up and was like “okay, let’s go”. Whew…. He drove me back to my house, where he slipped $40 into my hand, claiming it was “for gas” and took off. WTF? I felt like a foot fetish whore.

A week or so later he sent me a picture of his dick. When I didn’t respond he sent a video. Now he occasionally texts asking to meet and I completely ignore him.

The Guy I Ditched: This was another fish out of POF. I must be fishing in the wrong pond, but he was also on Adult Friend Finder. He had contacted me on there too but I didn’t have a face pic so he didn’t know that. He seemed cool over text and email though he was a man of few words. His pics were pretty nice and I thought great he’d make a good fuck buddy since he didn’t talk much. Well, so much for that.

We met at a down- home, breakfast restaurant and fairly soon after meeting him I could tell he wasn’t quite right in the head. He was a truck driver. Something about him was “off” but I can’t put a finger on it. Head injury of some sort? I don’t know but turns out he was staying in a hotel RIGHT NEXT to the restaurant. CRAP. I didn’t really know the best way out of the situation and followed him back to his room. Thank God he had forgotten his key and had to run to the front desk to get it. Meanwhile I ran to my vehicle, jumped in and drove away.

He texted me feverishly afterwards, thinking it was just a case of nerves. Nope. I told him I decided I didn’t want to do it but that didn’t deter him from texting me again and again. In fact, I just got a text from him two days ago, asking me on another date. It’s been like a year since that first day too. Seriously? I never answer. Could he be my “secret admirer”?

The Cracked Egg: I met this guy at the grocery store. He came up to me asking me to inspect his eggs for him to see if any were cracked. Turns out he was pretty cracked himself. So anyway, he was very determined to talk to me. He followed me into the checkout line, telling me I looked like an “angel” and the checker thought we were together. I said no we were not and he was telling people all around us what a good couple we would make. I think I seemed a little unsure about that because the checker asked if I needed someone to help me out to the car and all I was buying were milk and eggs.

Nevertheless, he was actually kind of cute, despite being older (I think in his 50’s, but he was in great shape) and I kind of admired his persistence. After he followed me out to the car I talked to him a bit and finally agreed to exchange numbers. He gave me his business card (he worked as a personal trainer of some sort for men in a big prison) and later called to talk. At first he seemed fairly normal but then he got a little weird. He would call and want to have phone sex. I mostly didn’t say anything because I have kids around all time and he’d get all into it himself. He was asking me to call him “Master” on the phone and it was like dude, I don’t even know you. I’d try to get off the phone ASAP but he would try to get me to hold on until he got off.

He started claiming he wanted to be a dad to my kids (that he’d never met) and come and move in with us. Uh, yeah, no. Waaaay too fast for me and way too creepy. When I told him I wasn’t interested in that he’d insist that I needed it. I started ignoring him but he’d call me repeatedly, several times a day, from different phone numbers. I think he finally gave up. Think…..

The Weird Indian Guy: Okay, this guy I met on Craigslist and never met in person. First thing, he told me he was “black” but actually turned out to be an Indian dude. When he sent me his picture I was like what? Why would someone lie about their ethnicity/race? Huh? Like, I wasn’t going to figure that out? He later admitted to being Indian (like from India, not Native American). Okayyyy….

In any case he was also way older than he let on and oh, he happened to be married and live like an hour away. He was kind of weird and pushy sounding over the phone and in talking to him I decided he wasn’t my type and it just wasn’t going to work out and let him know. He tried to convince me otherwise but I was adamant about not wanting to see him. When he wasn’t accepting no for an answer I told him I had decided to see someone else. So he finally backed down and said that I should keep his number on hand in case that didn’t work out. Okay. End of that? Of course not! He started calling me repeatedly, even after I asked him to leave me alone. So I changed his name to “creepy dude” in my phone and never answered again. Still didn’t stop him from trying months down the road.

Oh, and we can’t forget my first ever online date and My First Ever Craigslist Encounter meet (we didn’t have sex). I was still married that time and having a little tiff with the guy I’d had an affair with. I knew he was sleeping around so I decided maybe it was time for me to explore my options too.

So I went out on a date with this guy I met off Craigslist. He was older, 44, he said. and I think I was 33 at the time. His picture was from kind of far away but he looked fairly handsome from that angle. For some reason the age difference sounded kinda hot and I liked him over email and text. We communicated for awhile before ever meeting in person and I finally got a chance to sneak out with him at lunchtime.

He took me to a sandwich shop. I was sooo afraid of getting caught that I was a little jumpy and it didn’t help that the first time I saw him he walked up BEHIND me in the parking lot. Scared the tar out of me and almost made me jump out of my skin, lol. Much to my surprise he looked more like he was 65 than 44. Old enough to be my grandpa.

I ordered a lemonade but declined a sandwich, knowing this wasn’t going to work. We sat there and talked while a table of younger military dudes were smiling and winking at me behind him. I was totally embarrassed because this guy was just ancient and not very cute. He must have sent me a picture from like 25 years ago! The only thing recognizeable were his eyebrows, which were sort of thick and bushy.

I was in a hurry to get out of there but he wanted to sit in my vehicle and talk. I told him no I couldn’t and thankfully got rid of him quickly. I was worried he would follow me so took off as fast as I could. He emailed me for ages afterwards, telling me how beautiful I am and how much he liked me. Yeah, that made me feel pretty bad. I politely told him that I had decided it wasn’t a good idea for me to go through with things with him but he kept contacting me for a long time.

He blamed it on my nerves, like other guys have as well. Damn nerves, they keep a virginal girl like me from having sex all the time… I think I finally got rid of him, but you never know. I doubt he’d have sent me the rap video though, probably not someone his age.

Then of course there is the guy from the post I wrote the other day Pressure on Dates….Uggghhh. He’s fairly recent so still a possibility. I’m sure I haven’t even gotten them all. I will admit that at times I have sucked at being FLAT OUT CLEAR that I am not interested fast enough. It is something I really need to work on. Thankfully, the majority of these guys are still lurking around from pretty far in the past (like over a year) and I feel I am getting more firm with people. I’m definitely getting practice anyway!

Also, the sex with guys I don’t plan on continuing on with is going down because I am coming to believe that men may actually be worse than women stereotypically are when it comes to being ditched after a one night stand. So much for the myth that men are always the ones to pump and dump! Sometimes women are guilty of doing the same thing, we just expect men to be able to handle it better. We think THEY are the ones after a one night stand. Ha!

Only thing is that you don’t always know. Sometimes I don’t want to continue on with a guy after sex because we are a sexual mismatch and that can be hard for men to cope with. Fortunately most guys give up after a few attempts at meeting afterwards but some will keep it up for years. I don’t like to make expectations either way beforehand because it really all depends on the chemistry and the guy and how it all pans out.

Yeah, I could go to never having sex on the first date but I am so dang impatient and pressed for time! My main goals right now are to screen guys better on first dates and work on making my decisions more surely and quickly and to be more firm when saying NO. That doesn’t always stop him from continuing to harass me forever though. Of course there’s always common sense, like not going back to someone’s hotel room if I am not feeling him or if he just happens to be a murderer. :p But I digress… I’m gonna have to make some serious usage of this blocking feature. Maybe after realizing they are blocked for a month or so they will quit and I can filter out the old numbers and add in new ones if need be, lol.

Pressure on dates…. ugghhh

bad-date

Last night I went out with a new guy. He was someone I met off the swinger site. He had like 60 validations and from his pictures he was hot, hot, hot!! The only face pictures I saw were not straight on. Like he was looking down or had the camera slightly in front of him but from what I could see he was good looking. He was really muscular and had a set of six pack abs. His cock was….gigantic. Maybe on the level of “too big” that I mentioned in the previous post about Big Black Men. I wasn’t too concerned about that though and I never asked him his actual measurements.

In any case he lives 3 hours away so I was a bit surprised that he had emailed me. I responded once and then had forgotten about him until the Professor had gone to a swinger party in another town and I had ended up here alone after not finding any sufficient men off Craigslist. It was then that I emailed him back and we got to texting. He seemed pretty cool, other than an annoying habit of calling me “babe” and sounding a bit full of himself.

Still I figured if we were to meet he would probably be someone I’d sleep with. When I asked him about the distance between us he claimed it was no big deal and he travels frequently. He didn’t mind driving up here to meet me and said he was looking for a “swinging partner” to join him at parties. I kinda let him know that I had that already but he wasn’t deterred.

Anyway, I again forgot about him for a bit, until he texted early in the week to let me know he would be coming through my town on his way to a big city a few hours away. So we agreed to meet up. We flirted a little over text and he asked for more pics of me but I didn’t send him any.

I told the Professor I was going out on a date, which was kind of hard but he didn’t say a whole lot. I asked if he was cool with it and he said “It doesn’t matter. I am sick anyway and you are free to do what you want”. Not really encouraging and I felt bad that it was when he was sick but I went out anyway. I still don’t feel like we have completely worked things out from the other day. Nevertheless I still care for him and think I want to keep seeing him. I asked if he had slept with anyone without telling me and got a very adamant NO!!!!

So, onto my date. At first he had tried to squiggle out of taking me out beforehand and wanted to come straight to my place. I wasn’t having it. There is no way of telling if he would be a creepy stalker type or if I even want to have sex with someone without meeting them in public first. Being at my house is just too much pressure on me if I decide I DON’T want to and guys can really lay that pressure on thick. Plus he’d know where I live. One of the guys I slept with once last year STILL freaking harasses me and I am SO GLAD he doesn’t know where my house is. He tries to make me feel guilty for not wanting to see him again when actually the first night I did because I was under a lot of pressure and he basically ripped my clothes off and just started licking me. Then he was holding me down and not letting me get up to leave when I wanted to. I have had other experiences before where I ended up sleeping with someone I really wasn’t that excited about because I felt obligated and just in case I wanted a chance to assess things in a public setting.

I was an hour and a half later than I expected for meeting him. I felt bad but had to run my kids to their dads and come back which took about an hour and then was trying to clean up around the house before having anyone over. That’s another reason I don’t really like to have guys over at MY place. I have kids and there is always some cleaning up to do after they leave and it interferes with me trying to get ready to go out. Like, who wants to be cleaning the toilet and sweeping right before a date and right after showering? UGGH. It’s not putting me in a sexy mood, lol, and I start feeling resentful like can’t this guy just get a hotel or something and here he is wanting me to hurry and get there. Don’t worry, I kept him updated as to when I was coming and I had TOLD him beforehand that it was just an estimate as far as the time, but he did have to wait awhile.

What kills me is that later he claimed he was getting a hotel here in town because he wasn’t planning on driving straight through due to it being late. WTF? Then why the hell didn’t he get a hotel BEFORE the date and spare me all the extra cleaning (I had told him that is what I had to do). Why did he need to come to my house? SMFH Driving my kids to their Dad’s house is annoying to me too. It’s way out of my way and costs a lot of gas money. His vehicle isn’t working and I feel like in some ways he is deliberately sabotaging things for me. He’s passive aggressive like that. He keeps making our lives more and more difficult and I think it’s a continuation of the emotional abuse that went on in our marriage.

So I’m not in the best mood but I got myself together and all fixed up and headed to the sports bar where we were meeting. It was packed and he was sitting just inside the door. He doesn’t look nearly as attractive face to face as he did in the pictures. He’s still a decent looking guy but there is just something I don’t like and can’t put a finger on it. I smell something that smells vaguely like, well…. shit, lol, but I don’t know where it is coming from because there are a lot of people there around him. I notice his teeth are a bit messed up in the front. Apparently he was careful to hide that in the pictures.

He hugs me and says that maybe we should just leave or go someplace else since it is so crowded. I sense that he is trying to get out of buying me a drink, which is a turn off too. I suggest maybe we should just sit at the bar and he agrees. We order our drinks and the guy cards us, so I whip out my ID (it cracks me up to get carded when I’m only 4 years away from 40 but whatever, lol, it happens every time I go out). However, he doesn’t have his ID and has to go back out to the car. He takes a long time and I start to wonder if I’ve been ditched but chat a bit with the bartender (who is a cute, kinda hot blonde guy). He apologizes for carding us but says he has to. I start to wonder about the guy I am with and how old he actually is. He does look kinda younger than I expected and I can’t remember what he told me before.

So finally the guy comes back and has his ID. I ask him how old he is and he states 26. Yeah, that is a little on the young side for me. I’ve never really been a cougar and my one experience with a 22 year old made me feel awkward even though he was handsome and nice and okay in bed. It just felt weird and I couldn’t do it again even though he wanted me to. Generally, I Iike men my age or older, though a few years younger is okay. My fuck buddy just turned 29.

I think I smell that smell again and I am almost sure it is coming from him. Gross. I’m starting to think I definitely don’t want to do this. However, we talk for a bit and he is nice. He is in college and majoring in Psychology, which is what I got my degree in. He works in a group home which I have also done in the past. He’s nice but I’m still not feeling the connection. Something about the look in his eyes, I just don’t feel it…and the smell. He’s not bad looking or anything, but not what I expected and while he looks muscular it’s not nearly so much as he seemed in the pictures. He’s very tall though and says 6 foot 3.

When the bartender asks if I want another drink I say no, thinking I don’t want him to have to pay too much since I am not really feeling him. He says come on have another one and tells the bartender to get me another Mojito anyway.

After our drinks he pays and we head outside. He asks if I want to head back to my place and I say I’m really not sure that I do. He says oh, you are nervous huh and says he will walk me to my car and we can talk a bit. So we are standing by my van and he keeps saying I must be nervous. He tries to kiss me and I kind of pull away. He keeps talking about how nervous I am and I tell him I’m just not feeling much chemistry and not sure I want to do this.

He keeps telling me it is because I am nervous and says I will change my mind once we get back to my house. I say I don’t know that I want to go back to my house and he says I am just nervous and we should sit and talk in my van for a bit. I reluctantly agree and he gets inside. He tries to kiss me again and yeah there is a faint smell of crap. Yuck! Did he step in dog poo or is he unwashed or what? Ewwwww…. I pull away and say I am not ready for this. So he starts trying to put his hand between my legs. I push him away and say I really just don’t know if I want to do this.

He starts asking me if I have ever brought a guy back to my house the first time we met from the site and I say no, which is true but I have done so from other sites. Still I don’t want to encourage him. So he goes on about how I am just nervous and will change my mind once we are in a different setting. I say I really don’t think I will so he launches into an argument about how this is the “perfect time” and we have “a great opportunity” to do this. I tell him repeatedly that I don’t feel the chemistry with him and also he is younger than I expected (I later looked at his profile again and it says he is 110). He keeps saying he thinks I am hiding something that I will end up telling him later. So when that doesn’t work I use the Professor as an excuse and say I am in a bit of an open relationship but I don’t want to hurt him too much by sleeping with just anyone unless I am really feeling the chemistry.

Over and over he keeps trying to convince me (by arguing, totally unsexy) that this is our opportunity and that if I don’t do it now I will regret it later and be texting him and wanting to meet again to feel the chemistry. He says he is not good at conveying chemistry till we get to the bedroom. I tell him again that I don’t feel it now and don’t think that will change and don’t want to go back to my house. He asks what it is about him that I don’t like and was like “you liked my pictures, didn’t you??” I said it’s not anything about his looks and that we had a nice conversation earlier but I’m just not feeling him. He kept demanding I be more specific as to why I didn’t like him. I wasn’t gonna say “you smell like dogshit” but also I didn’t feel it with him at all so kept focusing on that. He didn’t like my vague reasoning, but what was I supposed to say?

He starts to get a little angry and I tell him I feel too pressured. So he asks if it’s because I am afraid he is going to have a one night stand with me and never talk to me again. I say no. (Oh, Hell no, more like I am afraid he would become clingy, needy, annoying as hell and turn into a stalker like a couple of guys I have slept with once in the past). This went round and round and round with him trying to argue and me trying to get rid of him for OVER AN HOUR AND A HALF. A couple times he tried to kiss me again and tried to rub my clit over my pants. I pulled away and told him I just didn’t want to do this and that he was pressuring me and he said he wasn’t going to force me to do this but that it was a “perfect opportunity”. Sigh…guilt trip after guilt trip.

One of my children called me on the phone (thank God) and I said I need to go pick them up. He acted angry that I wasted all this time being “unsure” when we could have been doing other things and said he would like to meet me again on Sunday when he comes back through and maybe then I would feel the chemistry. He asked where we were going to go from here and whether I would want to talk to him again. I said “I wouldn’t waste your time” and he said “oh but it’s not a waste of my time at ALL, you are gorgeous”. Repeat about 5 times. No, I am not feeling it, DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME. I am sorry this isn’t going to work.

He acted like I was breaking up with him or something and looked like he was about ready to cry. I felt bad but I just didn’t want to have sex with him. He blamed me that he was too tired to drive through to the other city but he had known beforehand it was going to be late when he left. I said he still had plenty of time and he said no he had been planning to get a hotel and stay here because it was too long of a drive. He knew darn well I wasn’t gonna have him stay at my place because I was due to get my kids. At least he should have known that. No way a strange man is sleeping at my place with my kids there.

FINALLY, he gets out of the van, slams the door like he is angry and looks like he wants to cry. I feel bad but I just had NO DESIRE to sleep with the man. This is why I HATE going on dates with new people. You just don’t know for sure if you are going to like them and guys cannot take it when you say no. UGH, UGH, UGH!!! I wanted him to leave so badly but he just wasn’t accepting it. I don’t know how I could have been any more clear other than to say “GET THE FUCK OUT” which is not something I am comfortable saying. I am way too polite for that and hate to hurt people.

I thought the Professor would be glad I didn’t sleep with the guy but when I told him the short version of the story (that this guy had spent an hour and a half trying to argue me into sleeping with him) he was like “well, what do you expect, you met him on a sex site!!” I asked if he felt that meant I was obligated to have sex with him and he said no but that is what guys are going to think. Surely they have to understand that it may not work out in person just because you liked them online though!! How hard is that to comprehend? I did not make him drive to my city, he was supposedly coming through anyhow. I don’t like this kind of pressure at ALL and truth be known I am pretty darn picky. It makes me DREAD meeting new people in the future and possibly having to go through all this again.

Just because someone’s pictures look good does not mean in person they will be what you thought. I have come across that more than once and was bound and determined NOT to have sex with anyone I didn’t feel completely comfortable with and turned on by, from a sex site or anywhere else! How the hell would I be turned on enough to have sex after an hour of him trying to ARGUE with me and debate and convince anyway? He was NOT doing anything to make me excited to sleep with him. I definitely need a little bit of that from a guy to be attracted. I do feel bad that his time was wasted but I don’t owe him sex. I’m actually proud of myself for standing by my guns and saying NO despite all the pressure. I can’t believe the Professor didn’t get that. MEN. Sheesh….