Tag Archive | mistakes

Missed opportunity? :/

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So Mr. Firm is off in another state with his old buddies from college now.  He had actually invited me to come along tonight, though I had some doubts as to whether or not that would work out.  He mentioned it before we had sex and I said I would think about it and let him know afterwards, once we had met in person. While we were lying in bed talking, after orgasms, he brought it up again. 

At first I wasn’t sure.  I don’t know anything about these men, have never so much as seen a picture, and didn’t know how much pressure I would be under to sleep with them.  However, he said they were both attractive, both policemen and both able to get plenty of pussy on their own so there wouldn’t be any pressure if I didn’t want to play with them.  

I still wondered, because first of all this is their little male bonding trip, lol.  I didn’t want to be tagging along like a ball and chain, though I didn’t say so out loud.  He had all his golf clubs there with him at the hotel and was telling me all about their plans to go out at night.  He mentioned that we could all go out to the club together that night and end up doing whatever afterwards. 

Either way, it’s a little over a 2 hour drive, so lots of gas money….and time.  Still, it was starting to sound tempting.  I totally could see myself as the center of attention with 3 handsome, athletic men in a hotel room, haha.  I know I’ve said before that I was done with this kind of thing, due to experiences when I was younger, but I’d be lying if I said there aren’t SOME things about it that are appealing.

What mostly holds me back isn’t that it doesn’t sound hot, but fear.  The fear isn’t anything about how I would experience the sex myself but about how THEY might view it, or treat me afterwards.  I’ve come across way too many men that see acts like this as degrading to a woman.  If their attitude was positive, then great, it could be a lot of fun but if not, then I could be left feeling pretty awful, or even abandoned.  Abandonment is a big issue for me and these guys both live a couple states away in different directions so unlikely I would see them again.

Mr. Firm is pretty cool and I don’t get the feeling he’d be that way at all.  Still, the other guys, I know nothing about.  Well, I know one is on the swinger site, and the other wants to be but isn’t yet.  They are both in relationships (no idea if swinging is “approved” by their significant others or not) and were in Mr. Firm’s fraternity in college and played sports together.  He says they had a bit of popularity due to having a great team and winning all the time, and got involved in some pretty crazy amounts of sex back then too.  So they aren’t rookies or anything, lol, but they heard about swinging and his success on the site from Mr. Firm and thought it sounded fun.

Still, knowing all that, it was sounding tempting to me, and I probably would have made the trip down there.  In the end though, it was Mr. Firm’s decision that we’d maybe be better off not and risking an awkward situation.  I’d told him that I couldn’t promise or guarantee that I would sleep with them until after meeting and wouldn’t want to ruin anyone’s fun if I got down there and didn’t want to do it.  He totally understood and said the guys were law enforcement officers so wouldn’t want to make me uncomfortable in any way. 

Sigh…. I didn’t want to appear pushy or overeager in any way so I didn’t really let him know how likely I would probably have been to do it.  A mistake?  Maybe.  But then he may have just been using that as an excuse to not have me in the way of their going out and having guy time and I didn’t want to mess with that either.  Or maybe his friends decided I was butt ugly and didn’t want to fuck with me, haha.  Doubtful though, I don’t generally seem to have that issue with men.  Could be they just weren’t into the group idea and wanted to find women for themselves, or already did last night, haha.  I wouldn’t doubt that at all! 😉

 Part of me was thinking these guys are way too “nice” and disappointed that it didn’t work out.  But at the same time, it may be for the best.  Mr. Firm has made it pretty clear that he wants to see me again.  He says he really wished it could have worked out and he didn’t mean with me just being with all them.  I was like “Oh, I’m not saying that couldn’t be fun, lmao, just can’t guarantee anything”…and I can’t, but still…it COULD have been fabulous.  He commented on how much of a blast he had the other night and that he likes me even more because I am so easygoing.  Blah…

He’s been cool as a cucumber so far but now I wonder if I’ll ever have that kind of opportunity with him again.  He’s probably put me into the “doesn’t do that sort of thing” category.  Booo!  His attitude here at the end (and maybe he was getting it from the other guys because he said they were talking about it) was that he wouldn’t want to put me in an uncomfortable situation.  Then he sort of acted like he thought it might be degrading towards me or something.  Or, like he likes me too much now to want to share.  Dammit! 

It’s kind of like this guy who gave me the flowers and wants to get to “second base”.  He looked at my cleavage when we were sitting on the couch together the other night and was like “I’m going to be good”.  I even made a comment about how he didn’t need to be but he never tried anything.  Then afterwards he texted to say how bad he had wanted me!!  He asked if I would have done anything with him and I said yeah, probably, and he freaked out!  My phone rang and it was him demanding to know WHY I would have done something with him that night??  I was like “why not??”  and he said he was kicking himself now.  SMDH….

I hate it that men seem to think they need to treat me as innocent and sexually delicate.  I really like it when a man gets more aggressive about things, though a lot of guys seem to confuse that with PUSHY, which I don’t like.  I mean the two cops?  Come on, did they think I was going to cry rape after agreeing to sleep in a hotel room with 3 men?  Um, not unless I’d blatantly told them NO and they kept pushing or something. 

Speaking of pushy, this young guy that I slept with last year keeps harassing me to see him tonight.  His texting is driving me nuts.  Just another reason I’m not that into the younger guys.  I told him sorry I couldn’t make it tonight and he just keeps pushing and pushing and asking why and saying he can come over and help me with whatever needs to get done.

I don’t like dealing with the immaturity and even though he’s really cute I just don’t have the desire to fuck him.  When I did it felt weird, like he was too wowed by my “older woman” skills or something, haha.  He’s 13 years younger than me and it makes me feel a little bit creepy and awkward.  I really need someone who can dominate me and it’s hard to get in that mental state with someone so young.

 Really, I just am not interested in seeing him right now.  He wasn’t offering to take me anywhere and just wants to come to my house, which means extra cleaning and work that I don’t feel like doing tonight.  I want a break and the Producer will be here at a hotel tomorrow so it’s not like I won’t be getting some more sex.  So here I am writing my blog!! 😉  Hope all of you all are having a more exciting night than me!!

 

 

Was I wrong?

Tonight I am questioning myself and the conclusions I jumped to regarding the Pilot.  Maybe I was wrong.  Maybe he really was telling the truth and I assumed the worst about him.  If so, then I was totally unfair. 

Yes, he did sign up for a party right after cancelling on me but his excuse, that I had blocked him or he wouldn’t have done it, may have been a valid one.  He may have reacted to my actions with anger and signed up to spite me.  Not very nice but then neither was deleting our profile we had just created.  That cost him money too. :/

We haven’t spoken but I’m debating apologizing to him.  Even if I was RIGHT then I probably shouldn’t have called him an asshole.  To be fair he didn’t react in kind. 

I’m not saying I’m okay with being cancelled on at the last minute, but it was a first time offense.  He’s never done anything else to piss me off before and actually seemed to like me quite a bit.  That may have changed now and I’m not expecting anything to go back the way it was but I’m thinking the right thing may be to apologize anyhow.

A couple things got me thinking in that direction and one was my date with the Producer last night.  He took me out to a bar that is run by some swingers here in town and we were chatting when the topic came up about what had happened with the Pilot.  Even though he was jealous of him before he was like you STILL haven’t forgiven him for that?  He said I was “harsh” and he wouldn’t want to be on my bad side, that he was going to try and avoid pissing me off, haha.

Then tonight, the Married Man texted me wanting to hook up.  His wife is out of town and if you all recall, the last time this happened he stood me up and I got pretty pissed at him.  Nevertheless, he’s too amazing in bed to stay mad at for long and I finally agreed to try and work with him on some last minute plans.  Okay, if I can forgive him repeatedly (because he’s pulled this crap several times), how can I be so angry with the Pilot for doing the same thing?

Well, guess what happened with Mr. Married Man?  He cancelled on me AGAIN!  Only this time I actually believe it was for a legit reason.  He got injured playing ball and cut his mouth open and said his tooth almost went through his lip.  He was texting me pics of it and asking what he could do to stop the bleeding.  It was actually kind of cute because he seemed to think I was going to know what to do and kept asking me questions.  What does he think I am, a nurse?  LMAO.  Fortunately I did know how to help because I have some very active boys and have spent far too much time in the ER. 

After things settled down a bit and he told me he was in so much pain he wanted to cry, he says he wouldn’t be able to go down on me if I came up and sent me a sad face.  He said he wanted to be able to satisfy my whole body and not just with his dick if I was going to travel all that way (he lives near the Pilot).  He was like “I am soo sorry”, and this time I feel like it was sincere.  I mean, sometimes people really do just feel “not up to” having sex and want to give you their best.  It’s possible that could really have been the case with the Pilot.

I know some of you all on my blog were questioning too.  I don’t know.  Maybe I should just suck it up and say I am sorry.  Of course from there he could still be really pissed or unforgiving but I guess the outcome isn’t really what matters.  My biggest concern with that is that he really WAS being an ass and then I am making a fool of myself or letting him take advantage of me, but if it ever happened again then I guess I would know.  Seriously considering it.  I feel bad for blowing up at him.

While I was mad at the Pilot, I spent a little time talking to the Professor.  He says he misses me.  He made some comment about me not believing him about things that made me wonder if I’m extra suspicious.  I know I’m not the most trusting person on earth.  I’ve been lied to way too many times. 

Anyhow, he sounds sad, and says he really hasn’t played much since he was with me.  He said only with some people he knew before and once at a party he went to but acted like none of it was that great.  According to him he’s only been with that married woman once this entire year, the time we got in an argument.  I told him a little about the Pilot and what happened because he knew about our couples profile and that I’d been to a party with someone.  He seemed a bit jealous that I have been going out and getting laid more than he says he has.

Then he was sending me pics of what he ate for dinner, lobster and some kind of avocado and tomato salad and telling me he was thinking of me when he made it. I do love my avocadoes and raw tomatoes, lol.  We haven’t talked a whole lot since.  He keeps saying he misses me but he’s not making any moves to get me back in bed. 

I talked with my fuck buddy recently for a bit and we even discussed the possibility of going to a party together.   Not sure if we will do that but looking forward to sex with him again, it’s been awhile. He has started bringing up anal though and I can’t say I’m all that excited about that.  It’s like seriously, the guy with the huge 9 inch, thick cock just HAS to be the one that wants to fuck me in the ass, lol.  I was like your dick is way too big for that kind of activity!   Of course he claims his ex- wife hated it at first but then got used to it and would ride him reverse cowgirl anal and he loved it.  Sigh….

Actually, lately, the person I’ve been seeing the most of is the Producer.  He’s been coming through here about twice a week.  I haven’t really been pushing the gold digging thing but he seems quite happy to offer things on his own.  He says he wants to take me to Vegas with him in the fall and then maybe on a cruise in the Bahamas.  Hey, I can handle that! 😉 

Each time we meet up he makes sure to take me out and do SOMETHING with me so that is fun. He says he doesn’t want it to be “just sex”.  He’s also talking about doing something special for my birthday next month, so we will see.

Once he brought up wanting a threesome with this woman he says he has slept with here before.  She is like 21 and blonde and he sent me pics and I’m wondering why the hell he always wants to see ME instead of her then when he is here, but whatever.  He keeps saying what incredible pussy I have.  I can’t help that. 😉  He’s like, “it’s just sooo SOFT and wet and hot and GOOD”.  He says he can’t believe I’ve had kids. Yeah…  well, what can I say?  LMAO  (Other than one of my kids was 9 ½ lbs with a big head and I had them all natural, guess it hasn’t damaged THAT area too badly anyway).

He’s still bent on becoming the “best sex ever” for me and wants me to rate his performance afterwards and tell him what a big dick he has all the time, but whatever, I guess I can oblige that, haha.  Shaking my head…. The sex isn’t bad.  It’s not off the charts spectacular but it’s still fun!! 

When we were at the bar last night we met a single woman that we struck up a conversation with and she and I exchanged numbers.  This is more likely a hangout thing than a sex thing, though she was having an issue with being in a fight with a current lover while her fuck buddy on the side cancelled for the night.  She seems like she might be fun though, so you never know. We were texting a bit back and forth last night but I was decidedly tipsy.  I also sent a drunk I miss you text to the Professor. He said he misses me too and sent a sad face.  :/  Dangit I’m just all kinds of confused right now.

 

Ooops!

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What not to accidentally text to your ex- husband (Gah, I am such a freaking airhead sometimes, I swear!!). “You make me feel so good”. LMAO I texted right after and was like “oops, wrong person”.

Yeeaaahhh… Of COURSE it was the wrong person. I never, in a million years, would have texted those words to the ex- husband. He never bothered to even TRY to make me feel good in bed. His excuse, when we were divorcing and that fact came out in anger, was that I had supposedly told him, once upon a time, somewhere back when we were dating, that I didn’t “have” to have an orgasm to be happy in bed. So he extrapolated that to mean that I didn’t WANT an orgasm, ever.

For 13 years I supposedly had no desire for an orgasm. Say what?? Nevermind that I had TRIED and asked him questions like why he wasn’t interested in giving me oral sex and he said that was what lesbians do and straight women wouldn’t be interested. Thanks. Thanks for shaming me for wanting basic sexual pleasure. I told him I didn’t understand why women’s bodies would be created the way they are, where it feels good to have sexual stimulation on the outside if we weren’t supposed to have any and he said maybe that was part of “the curse”. You know, the curse on Eve after eating the fruit in the Garden of Eden? Yes, he actually said that.

To be fair he didn’t want me to go down on him either because he felt oral sex was “wrong” in the eyes of God since it’s not used to procreate. Once upon a time though, when we were dating and before he “rededicated” his life to Christ, I gave him a blow job that resulted in him cumming in my mouth and me swallowing it. I remember it clearly because it was the first time I had really willingly swallowed someone’s cum and I gagged a bit because it was thick like Tapioca pudding. (I’ve since read that can happen when a guy doesn’t cum often enough, don’t know if that was the case or what). Anyway, he got all upset about it afterwards, even though I wasn’t at all and said he “felt bad” for doing so. Poor guy really did have a lot of hang ups about sex.

He also felt that masturbation was bad. We got into arguments about this because I felt it was natural and fine to touch your own body. He said he didn’t and was especially opposed to women doing so and it was even worse if you used a toy. Still, he was the one with the “porn problem” where he snuck off to some porn booths to supposedly masturbate. Now that I know those booths sometimes contain glory holes and people have sex in there I’m not so sure. Who knows what he was doing? Sex with men? I honestly wouldn’t be that surprised, because he had virtually no interest whatsoever in ME.

So I survived my marriage without these releases. Okay, not without masturbation. I never bought a toy but I know how to make do. I’m crafty like that 😉 Ha. Thank God for shower massagers and well, I won’t mention my other improvisations, but hey, they worked. I never have gotten the hang of getting myself off without some sort of aid but that’s okay because I’m like MacGuyver if I have to be.

Like it or not my body DOES need orgasms!! People give all this lip service to men having “blue balls” and NEEDING to get off every now and then but I firmly believe women do too! Heck I know I do! I know how it feels to have all sorts of sexual energy that really NEEDS a release. Perhaps I masturbate a little too often (sometimes a couple times a day) especially now that I have both a fun toy AND a shower massager, but hey, it feels GOOD so if I can find a few minutes to do so, why not? Just wish sometimes that it didn’t take me so dang long to get off, lol, or I’d do it more often.

Anyhow, the text was MEANT to be sent to the Professor, who, as usual, was AWESOME in bed tonight!! 🙂 I just love the sex with him so much. Its ultra- intimate and just hot, hot, hot!! One of these days I’m gonna learn to be more quiet though, sheesh, his poor neighbors. Thankfully the windows in the apartment above him looked dark when I was leaving and I don’t think anyone was home.

One of the positions we did tonight is something I don’t recall ever doing before. He had me lying on my back with my knees up against my chest, only he wasn’t laying on me missionary style like a guy usually would be when you are like that. He was sideways, and like almost doing push-ups. Ha, I guess guys have to be pretty athletic for some of the stuff they do in bed sometimes, glad it’s not me that is doing all that work, but I loved it and he seemed to enjoy it too. He was some of the time going side to side, like guys sometimes do when they are in Missionary, but instead, because of his position, it was up and down. I hope that makes sense. Anyhow it felt incredible.

Mmmmm…. I totally want to go crawl into bed and masturbate thinking about it now. It was only a couple hours ago that I left his place but I just love playing with myself afterwards and getting all lost in the thoughts of how good it felt. It’s funny because guys, and the Professor, often seem to think it’s an INSULT for you to admit to masturbating after having great sex with them. “What? You weren’t satisfied?” he will ask. So I don’t mention it anymore, lol, because that’s not the case at ALL. Being totally satisfied sometimes just makes me want to relive it. Sure there are times I masturbated after unsatisfactory sex too (like with the ex) but in those cases it was just to get off at all.

Actually, I masturbated earlier today, twice. Once in the shower and right after that with my toy. I guess I’m just a total horn dog, lol. What can I say? I’m not ovulating either. In fact I had light spotting this morning that indicates my period is gonna start up early. Makes sense since I’ve been an emotional wreck the past couple of days and crying a lot. I feel a lot better now though, after seeing the Professor. Sex is a good cure all. 😉

Speaking of sex and cures, the Professor does NOT have prostate cancer (yay!!!) but he does have an inflamed prostate and they don’t know why. He still has some pain and they’ve got him on a special sort of antibiotic that he’s been taking for over a month now. It causes him to be tired and have some not so great side effects, like joint pain, so hopefully he will be over with it soon and the swelling will have been reduced. I guess they just don’t know what causes that but guys get it sometimes. I was reading up a bit about it though and besides things like warm baths they suggest cumming a lot as a remedy, lol. I routinely tease him about this and tell him that’s the prescription from Dr. Lovergirl. 😉 However, I’m glad that’s not what I accidentally texted to the ex!! OMG. Facepalm!! lol