So Mr. Firm is off in another state with his old buddies from college now. He had actually invited me to come along tonight, though I had some doubts as to whether or not that would work out. He mentioned it before we had sex and I said I would think about it and let him know afterwards, once we had met in person. While we were lying in bed talking, after orgasms, he brought it up again.
At first I wasn’t sure. I don’t know anything about these men, have never so much as seen a picture, and didn’t know how much pressure I would be under to sleep with them. However, he said they were both attractive, both policemen and both able to get plenty of pussy on their own so there wouldn’t be any pressure if I didn’t want to play with them.
I still wondered, because first of all this is their little male bonding trip, lol. I didn’t want to be tagging along like a ball and chain, though I didn’t say so out loud. He had all his golf clubs there with him at the hotel and was telling me all about their plans to go out at night. He mentioned that we could all go out to the club together that night and end up doing whatever afterwards.
Either way, it’s a little over a 2 hour drive, so lots of gas money….and time. Still, it was starting to sound tempting. I totally could see myself as the center of attention with 3 handsome, athletic men in a hotel room, haha. I know I’ve said before that I was done with this kind of thing, due to experiences when I was younger, but I’d be lying if I said there aren’t SOME things about it that are appealing.
What mostly holds me back isn’t that it doesn’t sound hot, but fear. The fear isn’t anything about how I would experience the sex myself but about how THEY might view it, or treat me afterwards. I’ve come across way too many men that see acts like this as degrading to a woman. If their attitude was positive, then great, it could be a lot of fun but if not, then I could be left feeling pretty awful, or even abandoned. Abandonment is a big issue for me and these guys both live a couple states away in different directions so unlikely I would see them again.
Mr. Firm is pretty cool and I don’t get the feeling he’d be that way at all. Still, the other guys, I know nothing about. Well, I know one is on the swinger site, and the other wants to be but isn’t yet. They are both in relationships (no idea if swinging is “approved” by their significant others or not) and were in Mr. Firm’s fraternity in college and played sports together. He says they had a bit of popularity due to having a great team and winning all the time, and got involved in some pretty crazy amounts of sex back then too. So they aren’t rookies or anything, lol, but they heard about swinging and his success on the site from Mr. Firm and thought it sounded fun.
Still, knowing all that, it was sounding tempting to me, and I probably would have made the trip down there. In the end though, it was Mr. Firm’s decision that we’d maybe be better off not and risking an awkward situation. I’d told him that I couldn’t promise or guarantee that I would sleep with them until after meeting and wouldn’t want to ruin anyone’s fun if I got down there and didn’t want to do it. He totally understood and said the guys were law enforcement officers so wouldn’t want to make me uncomfortable in any way.
Sigh…. I didn’t want to appear pushy or overeager in any way so I didn’t really let him know how likely I would probably have been to do it. A mistake? Maybe. But then he may have just been using that as an excuse to not have me in the way of their going out and having guy time and I didn’t want to mess with that either. Or maybe his friends decided I was butt ugly and didn’t want to fuck with me, haha. Doubtful though, I don’t generally seem to have that issue with men. Could be they just weren’t into the group idea and wanted to find women for themselves, or already did last night, haha. I wouldn’t doubt that at all! 😉
Part of me was thinking these guys are way too “nice” and disappointed that it didn’t work out. But at the same time, it may be for the best. Mr. Firm has made it pretty clear that he wants to see me again. He says he really wished it could have worked out and he didn’t mean with me just being with all them. I was like “Oh, I’m not saying that couldn’t be fun, lmao, just can’t guarantee anything”…and I can’t, but still…it COULD have been fabulous. He commented on how much of a blast he had the other night and that he likes me even more because I am so easygoing. Blah…
He’s been cool as a cucumber so far but now I wonder if I’ll ever have that kind of opportunity with him again. He’s probably put me into the “doesn’t do that sort of thing” category. Booo! His attitude here at the end (and maybe he was getting it from the other guys because he said they were talking about it) was that he wouldn’t want to put me in an uncomfortable situation. Then he sort of acted like he thought it might be degrading towards me or something. Or, like he likes me too much now to want to share. Dammit!
It’s kind of like this guy who gave me the flowers and wants to get to “second base”. He looked at my cleavage when we were sitting on the couch together the other night and was like “I’m going to be good”. I even made a comment about how he didn’t need to be but he never tried anything. Then afterwards he texted to say how bad he had wanted me!! He asked if I would have done anything with him and I said yeah, probably, and he freaked out! My phone rang and it was him demanding to know WHY I would have done something with him that night?? I was like “why not??” and he said he was kicking himself now. SMDH….
I hate it that men seem to think they need to treat me as innocent and sexually delicate. I really like it when a man gets more aggressive about things, though a lot of guys seem to confuse that with PUSHY, which I don’t like. I mean the two cops? Come on, did they think I was going to cry rape after agreeing to sleep in a hotel room with 3 men? Um, not unless I’d blatantly told them NO and they kept pushing or something.
Speaking of pushy, this young guy that I slept with last year keeps harassing me to see him tonight. His texting is driving me nuts. Just another reason I’m not that into the younger guys. I told him sorry I couldn’t make it tonight and he just keeps pushing and pushing and asking why and saying he can come over and help me with whatever needs to get done.
I don’t like dealing with the immaturity and even though he’s really cute I just don’t have the desire to fuck him. When I did it felt weird, like he was too wowed by my “older woman” skills or something, haha. He’s 13 years younger than me and it makes me feel a little bit creepy and awkward. I really need someone who can dominate me and it’s hard to get in that mental state with someone so young.
Really, I just am not interested in seeing him right now. He wasn’t offering to take me anywhere and just wants to come to my house, which means extra cleaning and work that I don’t feel like doing tonight. I want a break and the Producer will be here at a hotel tomorrow so it’s not like I won’t be getting some more sex. So here I am writing my blog!! 😉 Hope all of you all are having a more exciting night than me!!