Tag Archive | missing him

Sinking low

drowning

I’ve been having a hard time even bringing myself to update my blog lately.  I think the depression stage of getting over a breakup has been hitting me hard.  Not to mention anything that reeks of “depression” TERRIFIES me. 

Realize that I am the daughter of a woman with depression so severe that she has gone to the point of near death by suicide twice, and you might understand why.  I would do virtually ANYTHING to avoid feeling “depressed” and sometimes behave recklessly rather than allow myself to wallow.  It took me less than 3 weeks to contract a freaking STD after the way things ended with the Professor and I’m trying not to be like that, but it vacillates. 

I keep going back and forth between anger and tears.  For a while things were falling apart at home. I couldn’t get things done and my daily routine completely flew out the window.  I’ve gained weight; my sleep schedule has been crazy. I feel like I can’t function.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I do. 😦

This past weekend I went home to visit for my brother’s graduation.  My period not only started late and interfered with things but wanted to hang on, causing spotting and me feeling like a bloated balloon all through the time I could have met with the married guy or the one I had the affair with. 

I talked with both of them but we ended up not getting together.  Partly due to my period, and partly due to other factors but I just didn’t have the motivation to make it work.  Instead I hung out with my siblings and family.  Of course, I enjoyed that but for me not to be that excited about sex with these guys is HUGE.  It is so not like me at all to be apathetic about sex and most especially when it’s with someone that is the best of my life or that I’ve been emotionally so into in the past.

I’ve been so despondent.  Things with the Professor hurt me a lot more than I would have thought and I think I liked/loved him a lot more than I even wanted to admit to myself.  I am emotionally just CRUSHED that things turned out the way they did and still so confused as to why.  I feel like all the life has been sucked out of my body.

Somehow I’ve been managing to get through the days, mostly not breaking down until I’m lying in my bed at night.  Then I just sob my heart out.  I’ve been staying up really late, I think to avoid having to face the thoughts in my mind when I’m alone in bed.  Then I get woken up early by the kids and I just look a hot mess.

My sister did my hair yesterday and that has been helping me feel a little better.  I had her brighten it up a bit with warmer tones and I love it.  It’s sort of a coppery brown with golden highlights, which is closer to the natural state of my hair as a kid.  We’d been trying to avoid the natural reddish undertones that my hair tends to pull beforehand but I think it looks much better when I let them shine and brightens up my face and goes better with my green eyes. 

So it has been cheering me up a bit and I came home and got quite a bit done yesterday after unpacking.  Oh, and my grandma gave me some natural supplements that are supposed to help with weight loss.  It’s really just the 15 lbs or so that I keep losing then gaining back but I want to get rid of it for good.  I’ve never tried dieting really or pills but maybe these will help and they are natural so we will see.  I work out several days a week and take my Zumba and pole dancing classes and stuff, but right now it doesn’t seem to be helping. 

My diet has admittedly suffered though these past few weeks.  Then of course, I’ve had bloating from my menstrual cycle.  I dropped off like 5 lbs this morning from yesterday so that is going down and helping me feel a little better too. I do tend to hit a depressed state that time of the month and gain some water weight which makes me feel like crap.

I keep wanting to say I’m on my way to getting over this but I’m really not sure.  There are days when I feel like I am doing better but then nighttime falls and I am a wreck.  Ugh.

I’m still not lacking for men that want to talk to me.  There is a swinger guy I may or may not meet with next weekend and my fuck buddy texted to ask where I’ve been and says he misses me.  The married man says his wife will be out of town soon and the guy I had the affair with was really disappointed that we missed each other.  Then there is that guy I kissed awhile back who gave me the flowers.  He’s been emailing me again.  Oh, and I got a text from the guy with the small dick (I should probably think up a nicer way to refer to him, lol) wanting to see me this weekend too.  Plus there’s this other guy who just got married, but has been talking about flying me out to see him for quite a while.  Lots of prospects, just need to get over this pesky broken heart. :p

The guy I had the affair with has been kind of cracking me up.  His texts are interesting.  He’s gone back to being really possessive lately, even though we haven’t seen each other in like 6 months and rarely talk.  Out of the blue he’s telling me I’m his and he doesn’t want to share.  I just sort of laughed it off and he was like “Lovergirl, I’m serious”.  I’m not sure how to take that.  I used to love his possessive attitude towards me but right now it seems so far removed.  I had said if he wanted it to be his he was going to have to come get it (meaning get your butt down here soon, lol) and he said “I am going to come get it!! And I’d better not find out someone else is getting it or there will be problems”.  What??  Men, I swear they are so weird sometimes.  Why would he act territorial NOW, when we’ve not been an item for a long time?

Anyhow, I’m trying not to think too much about what the Professor has been up to.  Obviously he doesn’t want to talk to me or he would.  It has been over four weeks now since we’ve spoken to one another.  He seems perpetually always signed on to the swinger site but I think it’s always been like that.  He was on my “friends” list there so I’m used to seeing his name as “online”.  I think it must just mean his phone is on or something.  I try to stay away from his profile, his house, anything like that, no matter how tempting it is to look.  Everything about thinking about him makes me feel so disappointed and hurt. 

Who knows?  Maybe he’s spending all his free time with that married woman now or playing with whomever off the swinger site.  I guess I know one thing for sure and that’s that he never really cared that much about me or the friendship in the way he pretended to.  He’s never even bothered to check and see how things are going with all the stressful stuff he knew was happening here at my house with my oldest child. 

This really isn’t doing much to help my trust towards men in general.  I feel betrayed because he ACTED like someone who really liked me but then just turned on me and disappeared when it didn’t fit his agenda.  I don’t understand why, if he just wanted to be FWB, he would do all that stuff for me and get involved in my daily life and act like I meant something to him.  They always say you can judge a man’s feelings more by his actions than his words but in this case I guess I should have been listening to his words and ignoring the actions.  I’d much rather he never have done all that stuff and given me hope if he didn’t mean it.  :/

 

 

 

 

The Jamaican

bad sex

Last night, the Jamaican man I had met at a swinger party once, while I was with the Professor, came up here to see me.  He drove 2 ½ hours and got a hotel.  In case you aren’t following the story, we had been flirting a bit at the party, via eye contact, but never hooked up.  According to the Jamaican he was upset about the Professor appearing not to want to share me at the party.

I hadn’t heard from or seen him since, until he found me the other day on Plenty of Fish.  Since then we’ve been texting and he’s called several times and seemed very interested in getting together.  It cracked me up because yesterday, before he drove up this way, he called me his “lover girl”.  Has he been reading my blog?  LMAO

In any case, this guy is a Nurse Practitioner that is not a doctor “yet”.  He is 6’6” and 265 lbs, muscular, dark skinned and nice looking with a sexy Jamaican accent.  He says he moved to the U.S.  a little over a decade ago.  He was married for a long time and has only been divorced about a year. 

The reason he joined the swinger site, according to him, was because he was seeing a woman up here occasionally and they decided they weren’t going to work out as a couple but would be good friends with some benefits.  She found out about the swinger scene here from a friend at work and called him all excited about trying it out. 

Since then he’s been to a few parties and also played with a couple of married women but he says he is losing interest in the whole scene, that it isn’t something he can see himself doing with someone he is in love with.  He does play with the wife of a guy down where he lives but he says it is a bit awkward with the guy there watching.

Anyhow, one of the guys at the party we both attended had really talked up the Jamaican’s cock size, lol.  He was going on about how he was just huge and had I seen it and it was “this thick” and was trying to find pics on the swinger site on his phone to show me.  At the time the Professor hadn’t seemed too thrilled about this conversation.  I think the guy claimed he was like 10 inches too.

Now that I’ve seen it up close and personal I’d say the length was an exaggeration.  He WAS very thick but not totally unmanageable or anything (which is good, lol).  He was also probably closer to the 7.5-8 inch range than ten inches. 

I was able to get my mouth around him well enough to give an okay blow job, I think.  Still, he was uncircumcised, which I am not used to.  I’ve only been with one other guy who was not circumcised and it was a long time ago.  I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the foreskin.  Like, should I pull it back and suck on it that way?  Or would it feel good at all to him to actually suck around it?  So I tried a little bit of both, lol. 

Back to the beginning though, he kissed me when I first walked in and I was disappointed to find I really didn’t much like his style of kissing.  He wanted to stick his tongue in my mouth and just hold it still, or suck on my tongue and bite it and bite on my lips.  Bleah.  I’m not much into kissing unless I’m really into a guy anyway, so it was like doubly weird.  I was hoping this didn’t mean he was bad in bed.

We kissed and then spent quite a bit of time talking.  The air conditioner wasn’t working in the hotel room so he had called down to the front desk and we were waiting for them to come up and fix it.  He was actually really interesting to talk to and nice and easy to get along with.  I just love his accent and hearing about Jamaica too.  He says like 90% of the people there have no jobs and that he grew up in a family with 12 kids and they are all tall like him.  Even his sisters are over 6 feet tall and some of his brothers are taller than he is. 

So, since the people still hadn’t shown up after like an hour, we went ahead and got down to it.  More of the odd kissing and then he started sucking on my boobs and I gave him a blowjob.  After that he went down on me, which felt really good and he was doing a great job but he didn’t do it long enough for me to be able to cum. 

He said he has had a vasectomy and doesn’t play with very many people so I agreed to let him go without a condom.  Maybe some would see that as reckless but in his case I feel fairly safe.  He doesn’t strike me as the wild or dishonest type at all. 

In any case, the actual sex was over in like under 3 minutes, lol.  :p  Now I know why, when he asked about seeing the videos of me and the Professor he was shocked when I said they were over an hour each and we might not have time to watch them.  Basically, he got on top of me and pumped away until he came.  I was just starting to feel good when he stopped and came inside me. 

He apologized for cumming so quickly and asked me if I came. I didn’t want to lie so I said no.  We both cleaned up a bit and then the woman from the front desk knocked at the door.

I jumped up to get dressed and he pulled on his shorts but was telling me I should just lie there in the bed with the covers over me.  I really didn’t want to be doing that when this lady came in the room, lol.  He couldn’t understand why…

So she came in and because he had to tell her to wait a minute while we got dressed anyway I think it was pretty obvious we had just been having sex, haha.  She was trying to contain a smile while she checked the air conditioner.  It still wouldn’t work so we ended up having to move next door.

In there we talked for a long time before he got on top of me again for more sex.  He asked me what would make me cum and I really didn’t know how to respond.  I hate it when guys ask me stuff like that during the act! It’s like, what would make me cum is him already knowing what to do, without having to ask because that totally turns me off. 

So he asked me what position I would like to do and I said maybe doggystyle.  We did that for a while and he asked if I would like to ride him so I did.  I really wasn’t feeling the chemistry with him and was kinda hoping the second time wouldn’t be too long either.  It was longer though and he had me lie on my back again with my legs up and it did feel good for a bit.  I never did cum though.  Thankfully he didn’t ask this time, after he again came inside me. He was one of those guys that if I started to get excited or make noise he’d ask if I was okay.  Sigh…

So after the second time he rolled onto his back and started snoring, LOUDLY.  At first he woke up for a sec and apologized for snoring and pulled me over to lay my head on his chest and went right back to even louder snoring, haha.  I managed to escape his sleep grip after a while and got up and brushed my teeth and stuff before coming back to bed and sleeping on my own side.

I was lying there and couldn’t stop thinking about the Professor.  I miss him terribly.  Sometimes I wonder if I even want to play with anyone else at all.  I had to drive past his apartment complex in the morning on the way to get my kids and I think I may have seen him driving past on the other side of the road on his way to work.  I don’t know if he saw me.

The Jamaican wanted to spoon with me in the morning and I was lying there wanting to cry.  I didn’t really want to be lying there with someone other than the Prof.  I also never showed him the videos he had asked about, partly because it would have hurt to watch them and also because I didn’t really feel like sharing that with anyone.  It’s probably a good thing because if he saw me orgasm a million times during sex with the Prof it might have made him feel pretty bad!

When I left the Jamaican said he was going to miss me.  He had also mentioned the night before that sometime he would love to have my kids and I down to his place.  He has a big house with a swimming pool and said we could have fun there.  The girl he plays with off the swinger site has been trying to get him to have a swinger party at his house but he was saying he wasn’t sure he could handle people having sex in the pool and then watching his kids play in it a couple days later without worrying about germs. 

Anyhow, he says he will call me later.  I don’t want to hurt his feelings because he really is a nice person and I enjoyed talking with him but not really excited about the sex.  I’m not saying I could never do it again but don’t want to lead him on to think I want a relationship or anything either.  Thankfully I have the excuse that I don’t often have Monday nights free and my ex normally doesn’t take the kids overnight so most times I can be “unavailable” for getting together. :p

You’re gonna miss what you had…

It’s ten days in and I haven’t contacted the Professor.  I hope he’s miserable.  I hope he’s realizing what a dumb move it was to dump me and how hard it will be for him to find a replacement.  Sure, he can go around banging these old married ladies but none of them are ever going to compare to me.  I mean, not to be conceited, but…if everything guys tell me is true then I’m not such a bad “catch”. 

PLUS, he will always have to deal with their husbands, with a man involved, whether he is watching or taking pictures or into threesomes or just telling his wife whether or not she can play that day.  There aren’t a lot of single women in the Lifestyle either.  There’s a reason they are called “unicorns”.  He can’t even get into a lot of the swinger parties without a woman as a date.  No one else is going to be as accessible as I was and the majority of single women outside of the Lifestyle are not going to be near as easygoing about coming along for the ride. 

Every single man I meet that is on the swinger site WANTS me to come to a party with him! The fuck buddy has asked me as well as the married man and the officer and a couple guys I’ve gone on dates with or talked to.  They all seem to be looking for a swinging partner. I’ve always said no in the past because I didn’t want to show up with anyone other than the Professor.  People already were treating us as though we were a couple and I felt like it would be disrespectful.  He said himself that he got a lot more offers and attention when I was there with him. I think he deserves to be knocked upside the head, lol.

Even barring all that, he also told me I was some of the best sex he’s ever had in his life.  So it’s not just me that will be missing out on that little perk.  Take that!

Oh, and he’s a man.  For the most part women aren’t coming up to him and seeking him out for sex.  He has to go looking and looking and looking and put up with all kinds of rejection in the process.  Me, not so much.  There is a lot more chance of him ending up lonely and by himself than me.  Yes, he’s fabulous in bed but no one is going to be aware of that until they agree to have sex with him and even then some people just really do have more chemistry than others

I don’t really know why men think I’m good in bed but they keep telling me that.  The officer actually texted me today to tell me “your sex game is amazing”, LMAO.  

Then he wanted to know if I had another woman I wanted to bring in on the fun. :p  Men are so funny.  They all seem to think women like fucking their girlfriends and that we are going to have one on hand to share guys with.  Yeah right!  I can’t think of anything more likely to cause drama in a friendship than that, even if I were so inclined. 

Anyhow, he’s also missing out on the daily companionship and affection from me.  Sure he can get that from the married woman too, but she’s far away and limited in her interactions with him.  She’s not going to bring him by a meal when he’s sick or physically be there to touch and tease him except on rare occasions.  I mean, it was over six months since he last had sex with her, assuming he’s telling the truth.

The majority of our interactions were fun and lighthearted and sexy and affectionate.  I think I’ve written about most of the drama.  If that’s too much for him, well, there is a lot he could have done to prevent it so I feel like it’s partially his choice.  Yes, I have things I need to work on and I’m not forgetting that but I don’t want to take ALL the blame either.

Last month I slept with 4 guys.  The Professor, my fuck buddy, the guy I met off Craigslist that had the smallish cock and the Officer. I also went on a date with another guy and though I didn’t get to write about it, I did end up going back over to his house for a kiss.  He was the guy that gave me the flowers. He had said how much he wanted to kiss me and asked me to stop by so I finally did and we kissed for a few then I left, lol.  Haven’t heard from him since, which is odd, but again we both were having breakups and I didn’t feel any real chemistry. 

My grandmother, the night after our first date, informed me that at some point I had accidentally dialed her number on my phone and that she was sitting there listening to our conversation “for 8-10 minutes”.  Lovely!  LOL  She told me she heard him talking about his girlfriend, so apparently she knows I was out with some guy that had a girlfriend who is pregnant with another man’s (possibly) baby though it could also be his.  Wonder if she heard anything about Craigslist??  At least it was a fairly tame conversation, lmao.  I can only imagine if I’d been there with the Officer or something…..eek!

The Professor did look at my swinger profile once so far.  Wonder what he was thinking?  I do miss him, a lot, but I’m also pretty hurt and as the days go by I feel more angry.  Maybe I am getting over him, that is one of the stages of grief. 

I was looking at the swinger site tonight and guess whose profile I came across?  The DJ stalker guy I wrote about in Stopping the Stalkers! And guess who had validated him and said they were FWB?  One of the women that the Professor has told me he played with before!  Hilarious!  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since there are a limited amount of folks in this area on that site and it would make sense that we might have the same taste.  She had also told the Professor she really liked that guy I went out on a date with but thought smelled?  Ewwwww…. 

The DJ is pretty good looking and has nice pics.  He was just….crazy.  Of course with this woman being married also he probably didn’t act like such a nutcase and wasn’t trying to get her to be his girlfriend! With her husband around he probably wasn’t going to hold her down and refuse to let her get up or go in without a condom when she was insisting he should wear one.  I think there are a lot of benefits to having a more serious man in your life if you are going to play this way. 

Doing it as a single woman is definitely a lot more risky, not just physically, but emotionally.  I definitely would have felt a lot safer if the Professor had wanted to do this from the framework of having a “relationship” but he didn’t want to give me that. That’s really what the gist of our coming to an end had to do with.  I couldn’t handle it without a more secure base to work from.

My other option is to just keep emotional distance from everyone and I can do that when I set my mind to it.  If I’m not attached to anyone it’s not going to hurt so much to be rejected or feel abandoned.  Still, it’s one of the reasons I stay away from FMF threesomes, thus far.  I had that one experience where I felt left out and it killed me to the point that I am very afraid of going there without the reassurance that the guy involved is super into ME. 

Maybe it would be different if I just come in as a third wheel though so far I have shied away from that too.  There is this guy I have texted with back and forth that has a really nice body (per his pics anyway) who texted me a picture of a girl he has played with before and asked me if I’d consider a threesome with them.  I saw her pic and was thinking um, no way.  This girl looks way younger than me and clearly hasn’t had kids and it’s like I so don’t want to be the old hag in the interaction that gets “left out”.  Yeah, no thanks!  The only time it sounded more appealing was when the married man wanted me to join him and his wife, lol.  Because in that case I just wouldn’t feel the jealousy.  However, she might.  Plus, he’s good enough in bed for the both of us and then some!

 Dangit I wish he was free on weekends.  Gonna have to figure something out here soon with him. 😉 Talked to him recently and he says he wants to see me but no solid plans.  The FWB is off to another state again and the guy I had the affair with is stuck at home for an event with his kid.  He invited me to come along actually, but I don’t think I will, lol.  I should be up that way in a few weeks anyway.

Of course my trusty fuck buddy is still around and the Officer should be swinging back this way shortly.  I wonder though, if I will end up alone and depressed for the weekend.   Maybe it’s time to hit up Craigslist?  Or perhaps I will just spend it getting my massage and nails done and taking one of my kids on an outing that we’ve planned.  Guess I will see.  I don’t want to sleep with just anyone and still want to be choosy.  I know all too well how decisions on sleeping with someone made in haste sometimes end up in regret. :p

Does he miss me?

I happened to look at the swinger site tonight and saw that the Professor had viewed my profile. I wonder why? It’s bringing all sorts of feelings up that I’ve been trying to push aside.

I know it could mean nothing. Maybe he was just checking to see if I’d removed the little blurb I had on there about HIM. Before, I’d put down that I had someone I play with sometimes, if anyone wanted to play with us together and gave a brief description. I took it down the other day when it seemed like stuff was truly over with us.

I haven’t talked to him for 5 days. I don’t even have the desire to try and contact him because I felt so hopeless with our last conversation. He seemed bent on ending things and believing that I’m just too much trouble and work for him. He said his relationship with that married woman was more valuable to him right now and that cut like a knife. I was pretty much speechless after that and just said ok, goodbye and hung up the phone. I was choking back tears and I’m sure he could hear it in my voice.

So I don’t know if he’s missing me or maybe just feeling sorry for me. I really don’t want anyone’s pity. If he doesn’t want to be with me for my own merits, screw it. Of course, being a typical female, now I’m going to analyze this whole thing to death though. Does he miss me?? Wah!! 😦

Who knows, maybe he was showing someone ELSE my profile and telling them who he USED to play with. There’s really no telling. I know what I WANT it to be. I want to believe he misses me and regrets what he said. Wonder what the chances are of that? Probably shouldn’t get my hopes up. :/

I’m sure on some level he’s GOT to miss the sex at least. But maybe not. Men have that reputation for wanting more variety and getting bored with the same person more easily.

He’s always claiming I over-exaggerate his ability to find women to sleep with but I’m not so sure. There are lots of options out there in the swinging community and it’s not like he was having trouble before he met me. There’s been several women who’ve at least asked him to meet with them since we’ve been together, though he mostly turned them down and chose to be with me instead.

I never told him he had to do that or anything but he acts as though he was doing me a favor. He also claimed that his reason for not seeing the married woman for so long was partly because of me. According to him, he didn’t want to upset me too much. I think he resented this, but really he was making assumptions, not basing it on any actual statements on my part. Not that I don’t understand, I greatly curtailed the amount of outside sex I was having so as not to hurt him too because I knew he didn’t like it.

I think maybe he thought being done with me would give him more freedom and he can just do whatever the hell he wants without thinking about anyone else’s feelings. That’s true, to an extent it would give him that. Sometimes though, endless No Strings Attached sex can still make a person feel pretty lonely. I think even for men.

Maybe he needs time to figure that out for himself, and by then maybe he will find someone he’d rather be with than me. Or maybe he really is much happier with that married woman for whatever reason. Maybe he didn’t ever like me all that much. I don’t know but I’m still aching inside and I definitely miss the sex. A connection like that doesn’t really come that easily, at least in my experience.

I guess on the plus side I can have less guilt about playing with whomever in the mean time. I mean, this isn’t like a regular relationship and he didn’t want that with me anyway. It was open anyhow, lol. So while I do feel kinda bad when I meet with other guys I know I don’t have a legit reason to stop doing so.

I went out on a date tonight with a new guy. We met at his apartment. I was a little reluctant to do so at first but he called and assured me over the phone that he was “not like other guys” and that I had nothing to fear. He sounded sincere enough.

So I showed up and he was just as nice looking as his pics. He was a tall, attractive, in shape and nice guy. We talked and had nice conversation. He then took me out for ice cream and gave me a bouquet of flowers. See?

flowers

But he didn’t even kiss me goodbye. :p I wonder if he was even attracted to me? He did mention how he loved that I always seemed to be smiling. Still, I just felt a distinct lack of chemistry. Maybe it was due to the fact that he is fresh out of a recent breakup (as am I). He said his ex cheated on him with another man and now she is pregnant and doesn’t know if the baby belongs to him or the new guy but she’s made it clear she WANTS it to belong to the new dude. Ouch. He’d just moved out to a hotel a couple months ago and then to this apartment within the past couple of days. There were still boxes around though the living room was set up nicely.

In any case, I left and haven’t heard from him yet. I’m not sure I really want to. It’s not that there is anything lacking about him specifically, just wasn’t really a sexual vibe. I’m pretty sure he’s not the type that would be okay with the fact that I’m sleeping with other guys and I’m not wanting to hurt anyone either.

I HAVE heard from that other guy a couple times (the one I slept with the other night that wasn’t so well endowed). I’ve been polite but not trying to get his hopes up too much. I told him I’m busy this weekend and I had mentioned the swinger site to him before and he said he checked it out and is enjoying it. Maybe that will be a good distraction to keep him from being too interested in me.

I still have plans to meet with that one older guy for sex later this weekend. I’ll let you all know how that goes! I have to admit that I really do miss the Professor a lot. 😦 Trying not to think too much about what he might be up to. :/

Drying the tears

Ironically, the Professor actually sang this song to me once, after we’d had sex. It came on the stereo and he said he’d sung it as part of a duet when he was in show choir in high school. :/

Everything is reminding me of him. Last night I woke up from a dream that he was crying and sending me a bunch of text messages saying he missed me. Then I dreamt that he sent a video of his day at work, just couldn’t get him out of my subconscious I guess. I took my kids out for frozen custard and of course it was to the same place where he’d taken us before. I emailed with a guy off Craigslist about riding his Sybian (lol) and guess where he lives? It sounds like it’s the same freaking apartment complex as the Professor!!

Now I’m thinking if I try and actually follow through with that the Prof might see my vehicle and think I’m stalking him! LOL Um, no, I was just err, visiting this guy I met off Craigslist that I’m not even attracted to because it sounded like a fun idea to ride his Sybian? LMAO. I do want to try it again and this guy looks relatively harmless, as opposed to some guys I’d emailed with off there in the past. He looks like someone’s dad.

I had contemplated doing something like that once when the Prof and I were still talking and he wasn’t too keen on the idea. He thought it sounded dangerous and like some random guy off Craigslist wouldn’t really just want to watch, like he says. The exhibitionist in me thinks it would be fun to have him just watch, lol, but he doesn’t look like someone I’d want to sleep with. I don’t want to feel obligated. Still, like I said, this guy seems pretty decent and respectable and it sounds like he’s done this before.

Still, it seems like a fun way to get my rocks off and not actually have to have sex with someone and maybe regret it afterwards. Oh, and the motor ran out on my vibrator and I have to get a new one so I’m going crazy in the meantime! BAD TIMING!! Sheesh. No more sex with my favorite person and my freaking sex toy fails me too. Dangit! LOL Thank God for my shower massager. I had to use it twice today.

Anyhow I do have a date planned for this weekend, for sex, with the guy I met right before seeing my fuck buddy while the Professor was out of town. He is a retired military police officer, a couple years older than the professor, but in awesome shape and he’s nice looking too. Now that he’s retired he drives some kind of flatbed truck around and he says that loading it gives him a great workout and that’s why he has six pack abs. I can handle that! LOL Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll have an old pair of handcuffs hanging around somewhere 😉 ;).

I met him on the swinger site and he seems really nice. I actually responded to his email because something about his pics and attitude reminded me a little bit of the Professor. He’s 6’5″ (!!!) and he’s done the swinging thing in another state over the past few years but before that he was married for 20 years. He said he used to paint his wife’s toenails for her and was telling me how in a pinch you can do French tips using whiteout, lol. Maybe I can get a pedicure while I’m there too!

Ha, I’m playing but he is back in town and wanted to meet me at a hotel between here and where he lives before he takes off again on his truck. I’m thinking that sounds fun right now. According to him he really likes to go down on women and sometimes use toys. Plus he’s got an 8 inch cock. 😉 He was gonna take me out for drinks again beforehand.

Oh, and I’ve got another possible date lined up the day before with a guy who also says he just moved here. I met this one on Plenty of Fish. He’s a couple years younger than me and his pics are pretty cute with a really nice smile. He works with special needs kids and is also a personal trainer. He plays on a local basketball league too. We’ve texted back and forth a little bit and so far I like him.

Meanwhile I’ve resurrected my OkCupid profile. I still had it but the email inbox was full and I hadn’t bothered to update it for a long time. The minute I cleared out old emails and put up a couple new pics I was being inundated with zillions of new guys trying to hit me up.

Sometimes the dating sites are a little overwhelming. Like I don’t have time to email everyone back and keep up with the amount of guys that are contacting me all at once. I had to disable instant messaging on that site and POF because it’s just too freaking crazy.

I even got a hate mail already from some dude because he had emailed me and so I clicked on his profile but didn’t have a chance to write him or anything. He lived too far away anyway so it didn’t seem worth my time. Anyhow, his first email said “nice smile” and when I clicked on his profile he sent me this:

Yea most of you American females just aren’t that appreciative. I take back the compliment.

I’m thinking, God what a dick. So I clicked on his profile again to see where the hell he was from that he was making nasty comments about “American” females. I of course didn’t bother to respond to his hating and he so he sent me this:

You need to stop viewing my profile since you can’t appreciate a genuine compliment from a stranger. All you women do on here is ignore men who are trying to talk and have a decent conversation. I have to admit that western women are really no good when it comes to dating/relationships and it’s no surprise a lot of you are single and lonely at an older age. I don’t know why it’s so hard talking to western women. Good luck and please don’t view my profile anymore.

Not wanting to buy into his needless drama, I ignored the comment and didn’t look at his profile again. SO he then sends me THIS:

Most of you women are on here for the attention and to boost your ego. Too bad men have to deal with this crap.

Wha?? Sheesh! Chill the fuck out already, seriously!! And you wonder why women don’t respond back to you?? UGH

Oh and I’ve gotten like ten emails already with comments about my boobs. They are like “nice chest” or “nice peaches”. WTF? Are we in middle school again? Like really? That is so crass. I’m not even wearing a super revealing top or anything. I’m in a sundress in the pics and you can see a little bit of cleavage but it’s not trashy looking at all. Men… I swear, would anyone really be jumping at the chance to email back a guy who is all grunt, grunt “nice tits you got there”? SMFH

Anyway, wish me luck! I so need to get my mind off the Professor. :/ It would be nice not to break into tears several times a day. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m working on it.