Tag Archive | men

Hello from the other side…

Wow, it’s been over a year since I’ve written in this blog! I’ve become that blogger I never wanted to be, the one that just drifts off and disappears and doesn’t continue their writing. Sorry folks, I still love you. My life has just taken me in a different direction for the time being.

It took me forever to get over the Cohort, but I think I’m finally there. I got there by throwing myself wholeheartedly into my work and pushing him out of my mind for a good long time. Boy, did I work too! I worked my way right up the ladder through a couple of promotions and I’m in a pretty good place now. Just call me the Boss. 😉

I love the freedom and flexibility and ability I have, to be creative within my work. It’s perfect for me. MY boss lets me have a pretty much unlimited budget to do whatever I want, so long as I’m making the company money. I do whatever I want with my schedule, which is right up my alley because I don’t keep “normal” working hours. Plus, I love sales and talking to people, it’s something I’ve always been good at.

Not to say it’s all peaches and roses, but I can honestly say I enjoy it. I even like the business trips, despite the fact, that I haven’t gotten laid on one yet. Someday. That’s definitely on my bucket list.

What hasn’t changed, surprisingly, is the men that I am sleeping with. It’s pretty much the exact same people as before. Not that there haven’t been some exciting times, or that I haven’t met any new people but I just haven’t gone on to sleep with many of them. Let me give you the rundown of what’s happened with the old crew.

Radioman- remember him? Remember how he pretty much ditched me for another woman? Ugh. Well, I wouldn’t talk to him for 8 months and I blocked him from my phone, but he didn’t give up trying. When I got a new phone, there he was, texting me again and I finally responded. He was super apologetic and claimed he’d come to the realization that he actually had feelings for me. Yeah, it was a load of B.S. but we did start sleeping together again. I just didn’t get attached this time. The sex was fun and we were back to seeing each other regularly, but I didn’t see him TOO often and he was acting all clingy and like he wanted something long term. He showed his true colors though, recently.

I got into a car accident, which was pretty serious, though thank God I am still alive. Let’s just say his level of support has been seriously disappointing. He is definitely not the man for me and at this point I’m leery of even sleeping with him again. Not that he’s not attempting to get back in my good graces. Again. Same story, different year.

The CEO is still around. We still see each other infrequently due to all his travelling, but the sex is still hot. He still goes for anal almost every time and it still hurts me but we keep trying lol. He did finally take me to his condo once and I’m not sure what to think. Was I wrong about him having a wife? Did she leave him? Was she just gone somewhere? I’m really not sure. Every other time has been in nice hotels.

The Married Man is still the longest standing guy in my life. Funny how he was originally supposed to be a one night stand. He told me some interesting things about his sex life recently and how he’s been sleeping with the same group of women for a long time, some of them for up to as long as 10 years, which is longer than he has been married. Hmmm… sounds kind of familiar though. I wonder how many people in this world actually operate that way?

I guess one of these women is basically his sex slave and super submissive to him. The things he has told me are things I could never do, at least not with him. He said if he tells her to leave work and come out and talk to him and bring him her panties she will and she does all these other things he demands. Outside of the bedroom, his pushiness and demanding behavior at times drives me nuts as it is. Plus, you couldn’t pay me enough to jeopardize my work.

Okay, there was one time, well twice, that I slept with a guy that I had work connections with. He was a manager elsewhere, married and it was pretty iffy. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. He is no longer with that company though. A little risky for sure, and definitely not worth it because he came in about 30 seconds, both times. I’ve avoided him since.

Anyway, back to the Married Man. We did have a really hot little rendezvous in his office one night, right after his father passed away. What is it about men and funerals and death? It actually seems to amp up their sex drive.

He called me saying he NEEDED to be with me that night and it was a bit scary but fun. He works in this big office building and shared an office with his father. I’m not sure whose office we actually had sex in but it was night time and we were first in a big meeting room with a table and later in a smaller office. I was a tad paranoid because my own office is full of video cameras that the boss can pull up on his phone, but I guess his is not. It was hot and my first office sex experience.

Then there’s the Pilot. We’ve had sex again, not too long ago. He was up here for something and got a hotel. With him the encounters are still random.

I ran into the Host recently. He lives even closer to me than before, now that I’ve bought a house. He’s married now but has the freedom to play if he wants, according to him. Just no more swinger parties at the house because his wife doesn’t want that. We haven’t had sex lately but it’s still a possibility. He tried to get me to come over a few times recently but I was busy.

Mr. Firm and I still communicate via text from time to time. He’s not been actively swinging as much either due to things going on in his life and we haven’t had sex in a long time. I think someday we will again.

Remember the car salesman/high school friend that I had sex with after that funeral? He and I have been in contact again, though we haven’t had sex…yet. The sexual tension is definitely strong between us. I’m just not sure if it’s going to go anywhere because he is dating a girl that we also went to school with and who I am friends with.

They started dating a month or so after he had tried to get ME to date him. She’s the one that was at the funeral that I said I was surprised was friendly because I didn’t think she liked me prior to that. We’ve been friendly since though we have never been close. They seemed happy though and I was happy for them when they started posting a million relationshippy things all over Facebook.

Anyway, a few months ago I went to him because I needed a new car and he had promised to get me a good deal. To doubly ensure that, I brought along a guy I work with, who also used to sell used cars. Oh boy. The Salesman was NOT happy about that and you could see it all over his face. He really gave my work friend the cold shoulder.

He was sweet to me but cold as hell to work-guy. The guy even commented that he didn’t seem to like him and asked me if it was because he was trying to date me. I said I didn’t think so because he has a girlfriend. Then we went to pick up a female co-worker on our test drive and SHE also later commented that he seemed to like me. He was nice to her, but he didn’t hit on her at all which is unusual because most men do!

Anyhow, the next day he came to a ball game that I was at with the female co-worker. I had told him he could have free tickets because we have a ton of them and he brought his girlfriend. She commented that maybe he brought her to make me jealous, lol. She doesn’t even know I have slept with him. It’s just the way he acts. The first thing he did was come over and give me a huge hug, right in front of his girlfriend.

He came again to another game about a week later, also with his girlfriend. This time she and I were talking and he was just STARING at me the whole time. Like, really staring hard. I looked up one time and it completely broke my concentration on the conversation with his girl because he was staring in my eyes and I had to look away. The girlfriend was friendly but it’s hard to say what was really on her mind. She even told me how cute I looked, but I know women can be fake.

He’s been liking and hearting a lot of my stuff on Facebook and I wondered how she felt about that and noticed they are no longer friends on there. That seems odd. I know they used to be because they would post pics together.
Anyhow, I had to go to the dealership once with a nail in my tire and he had it fixed. He was in the middle of a sale but came over to me and said next time to let him know before I come in because he really wanted to be able to give me more attention.

Then another time I came in to get my title and he took me to get my complimentary free tank of gas. He must have told me 5 times how good I looked and he kept complimenting me. I think he hugged me at least 3 times. He said he still owed me a detail and I questioned how long I would have to sit while they did that. He said 45 minutes “unless you want me to take you out”. I just looked at him and didn’t comment.

So, here’s the thing. I actually majorly have the hots for him this time around. I don’t know why, I can’t even really remember what the sex was like the first time and I blew him off after. I think I’m doing a pretty good job of playing it cool but for whatever reason I’m really turned on by the idea of sleeping with him again.

I kind of think it has to do with the sort of jealous/possessive way he acted when that guy was around. It’s like it flipped a switch in me that I just can’t turn off. Something about male possessiveness towards me, no matter how much I complain about it, really gets me going. I want to fuck him really bad but I can’t make it obvious.

Also, he actually is a really good guy and part of me wishes I’d thought more about being with him when he asked but I was still hung up on the Cohort and worried about the red flags. Now I’m kind of crushing hard… he’s just got all this drive at his job too and I love guys like that because they are like me.

The thing is, it would be super scandalous because I know his girlfriend. The three of us have a zillion mutual friends. That is definitely something I wouldn’t want word getting out about and he can’t seem to stop himself from bragging to everyone in sight every time he talks to me. He even put me on the phone with one of the guys I used to have threesomes with just to tell him I was there at the dealership last time.

I’m going to have to go back to him again soon because the car I bought was totaled and I need a new one. I guess what happens next is left to be seen….. 😉

They’re baaacck!! ;)

he's back

Well, I am moved to the big city!! So far, so good, and I am happy here. It’s like night and day from where I was living before. A few things suck, like the maintenance issues I have been dealing with regarding my new place, and the fact that it’s like two more weeks before they will hook up my internet. However, all that should only be temporary. If you are reading this, its because I managed to use my phone as a hot spot long enough to post, lol. 😉

In the men department, of course, many things have changed. I kind of left a few guys in the dust when I bailed town. Some of them weren’t too happy about it. Others, I’m not as sure. I’ve been having some issues with my phone not recieving texts, which may have made my departure seem even colder than it was meant to be.

I debated and debated with myself about contacting the married man when I moved up here. I didn’t want to be the one to cause him to stumble, but it was sooo tempting to want to text and be like “hey neighbor” to let him know I was in town and close by. Turns out I didn’t have to. 😉 HE contacted ME, out of the blue, the Friday before I was set to move!!

His text read “come to *the City* this weekend and let me make it up to you”. When I told him I was MOVING up that weekend he was in shock, lol, and totally excited! He said “you just made my day”. 😉 He was profusely apologetic for what happened the last time, when we didn’t have sex due to his guilt, and said that things aren’t what “he thought” at home. Whatever that means…. I didn’t ask.

After he found out about my move, he started in with some demands. He said now that I am coming his way I need to know that he doesn’t like to share with other men. According to him, he planned to have me so “touched out” I wouldn’t need anyone else anyway. Then he started getting onto me about the swinger parties (which he never did when I wasn’t close by) and claiming he was worried about std’s.

I’m pretty sure that is not the case. I mean this is a guy who fucked me bareback, within minutes of meeting me the first time, off Craigslist, lol. Whatever. He was sooo “concerned” that he put on a condom this time though, for about 30 seconds, before ripping it off and throwing it on the floor.

It was weird though, the sex this time wasn’t all that great. I mean, it was still good, but nothing like I remember. It was pretty much like fucking any other guy. I’m not really sure what it was, if it was me, or him, or just a change in the chemistry. I admit to being a little bit irritated with him beforehand too, about his attitude, and because he showed up WAY later than expected and kept saying he’d be there in a little bit. Maybe emotionally I was just put off. Not sure what was going on there.

He’d been pushing hard to see me that night and I was putting him off because I’d already invited Mr. Firm to come help me christen my new house. 😉 We didn’t have plans set in stone or anything, it was just a maybe, but the Married Man had contacted me after, so he was kind of the backup plan. When he started exhibiting all the typical madonna/whore stuff, and I’d been all happy chatting with Mr. Firm, who doesn’t do that, right before….he just seemed less exciting, or something.

I will say though, that I am still impressed with Mr. Married Man’s ability to unsnap a bra strap with more ease than I’ve ever seen anyone do it in my life, lmao. I’m like how does he DO that?? He can get it off even more easily than me, with one hand, in like half a second.

He seemed super tall to me for some reason too. Maybe because I wasn’t wearing heels for a change. I was in socks when he came to the door and he seemed like a giant when he had to bend down to kiss me lol. He’s 6’1″, just seemed bigger than he used to be. It HAS been over a year since we last slept together and the last time I saw him he was seated in his car.

The other returning man has been the Pilot!! We’ve still kept in touch all this time, but it has mostly been sporadic. He had told me at some point that he was falling for a woman at work and thinking about something serious with her, which totally turned me off. I told him I didn’t want to be fucking him in that situation and he thought that I was being dramatic. It just bothered me, and I didn’t want to be put again into a situation like I was with the Professor, or the Producer, or any of these guys where I ended up getting hurt because they wanted to treat me as second best.

Anyhow, when he heard I was moving his direction, he made it clear he’d like to spend some more time with me again. I didn’t even ask about the other woman. It had been months ago when he mentioned that. He invited me to be his partner for this group where they were supposed to be having “orgies during the day” at lunchtime, once or twice a month. I was unsure but agreed to come to the meet and greet and check it out.

He came to pick me up and my 22 year old sister was here to babysit. We were both dressed up and pretending to be going to some sort of a luncheon. My sister later said to me “OMG, he’s cute AND he has a nice car, I need to hang out with you more often!!” LOL

Anyhow, he’d asked me to wear a dress, with the plan being that we would meet these people then find a place to fuck each other after. So I was in a short, shiny, silver, tank dress and heels. He kept telling me I looked especially hot. He also was “warning” me about things now that I am living closer to the big city swinger scene. He said to be careful.

I couldn’t really get him to be specific, so not sure what he meant, but he was concerned about me being a single woman and how the guys would act now that I’m living up here. I told him I’d gone to some of the Host’s parties (he knows him) and he didn’t really like that. He said he doesn’t like to compete, and mostly stays away from that sort of thing (which I don’t really get because here we are on our way to an orgy group…).

We showed up at the meeting spot, which was a park gazebo, yet nobody arrived. I have no idea where he “met” these folks online, but it wasn’t the swinger site. I’m suspecting Craigslist, because he was vague when I asked and I’ve had another “orgy party” that failed through there too once, with the Prof. He had also informed me that we were using fake names for this party beforehand.

I don’t think either one of us was too terribly disappointed that it didn’t work out. He’d given me some fair warning beforehand that it might not. After about 20 minutes we got back in the car to find a place to have fun on our own.

He kept driving in circles, checking out parking lot after parking lot. I suspect it was mostly because he wanted to talk. He started telling me about this woman again. He still has feelings for her but they have only had sex once. He’s her boss at work and he’s had some issues there with gossip lately. It sounds like a mess and he’s obviously got it bad.

He said he was surprised I didn’t ask about her and I didn’t comment. Her name, he told me, is almost the same as mine. :p She told him her “tarot card reader” said she shouldn’t mess with him anymore and has some issue with an extremely abusive ex boyfriend. She had just texted him that day though, to ask him to come see her new house (she is moving too) and he wanted to know if I thought that meant she wanted to start seeing him again. SMH…

Anyway, it was kind of starting to kill the mood and I’m wondering if we are even going to have sex. He did sort of apologize and comment on that right before. He was like “this probably isn’t a good time to be discussing this”. Ya think?? 😛

After driving me through a million parking lots and pointing out a club he said he was wanting to show me that is “Lifestyle friendly but not a Lifestyle club” we finally settled on what looked like the parking lot of a nursing home. Right smack dab in the middle of it. There was no one around, though I suppose anyone could have looked out their window, lmao.

He came around and stood next to the passenger side of the car, unbuckling his pants. I sucked his dick. Then he had me get out and bend over the seat while he fucked me a little bit from behind. It felt really good but after a few minutes he started to get uneasy and wanted to move to another place.

We drove to the back side of the parking lot of a large health club and went at it again. This time he was in a better position to see who was coming and going. I have to admit it was pretty hot. He kept saying “God you are sooo wet”. He asked me where I wanted him to cum and I said anywhere but inside me. So he told me to turn around and take it in my mouth. He came a lot and I managed to swallow most of it, though I got a bit in my hair and on my arm.

Then he drove me home and we talked some more. I just don’t know. The whole thing still bothers me. I guess maybe it shouldn’t, but it makes me feel used. I didn’t tell him any of that though.

Maybe I’ve just been emotional lately (recently finished my period) but I got to thinking about it a lot and why it bugs me so much. On one hand I do enjoy casual sex and I am fine with it with some people, but I still really crave a close emotional relationship with SOMEONE.

All the current men in my life…they already have someone who they are “in love” with, but it isn’t me. I even met and had sex with a new guy the other day, and he seems like he has someone already too. He was trying to tell me we are going to have threesomes, and I noticed when he was showing me pictures on his phone that this one girl’s face just kept popping up.

Theres really not a lot to tell about that guy, lol. I met him on Plenty of Fish. He’s some kind of a golf star and has trophies all over the place and pictures of himself in “Golf Digest”. He lasted about 30 seconds in bed and then maybe a couple minutes for the second round. We had dinner at his house and he cooked me some ribs, macaroni and bbq beans, lol. It was good and then he wanted a massage. He seemed a little selfish overall, and crazy, because he was telling me I need a mixed baby and that maybe in a couple of years he and I could have one (!!). However, he has been nice in offering to have someone who works for him (he owns an auto shop) come look at the A/C in my vehicle. I don’t know, not super into him but may give it another try. I’m not too keen on the threesome idea though.

Anyway, I guess I’m just feeling a little unloved. Its not like I have time to devote to a real relationship and I realize that, but I do ache for some attention and affection, in more ways than just sex. I think I’m lovable, but I’m not sure anyone else sees it.

Society says men only fall in love with you if you don’t sleep with them and I’m not sure there isn’t some truth behind that. Trying to play that game though, seems so fake. I guess I just want someone to be able to see me for who I am and fall in love with that, instead of an image I put forth to “trick” them into something. I’m not holding my breath. :p

Why do I “prefer” black men?

interracial couple in bed

This is one of those posts that has the potential to upset and offend just about everyone in some way or another, so I’ve been procrastinating, lol, but there have been a couple of times I said I would write it up.  So, here you go, in question and answer format. 

Most of these are real questions that people have asked at some time or another.  Don’t expect them to be politically correct and I can’t be responsible for other people’s thought processes.  Some, I find offensive too, but I’m going to attempt to answer them anyhow. I’m a big fan of DISCUSSING things rather than shushing people up and telling them they are wrong to ask. 

I’m writing it out in this manner because I think the assumptions people make can be really crazy and so far off from the truth.  Sometimes I understand why they might think a certain way and others I am just shaking my head.  Still, its not like everyone doesn’t wonder.  Maybe YOU were too afraid to ask ;). 

Ever since high school, I’ve been getting this:
Lovergirl, why don’t you ever date white guys?

Who says I don’t?  Why would they assume this?  Mostly it’s…white guys..who ask.  I guess its true, that even back then, the majority of the guys I dated were black.  Still, I’m a never say never kind of girl, especially when it comes to things like sex.  😉

Just for fun, I sat down and figured out the actual percentages for you.  Yeah, I was feeling like a nerd. 😉  This is the breakdown of guys I “count” as having had sex with (invoking the Bill Clinton clause-it doesn’t include oral).  Here are my pussy’s demographics:

Black- 75%
White- 13.23%
Asian- 1.47%
Latino- 2.94%
Mixed race- 7.35%

In every case the “mixed” group was a mix of black and white. 

Actually, the first guy I ever had sex with was white, followed by the second guy, who was Asian and then the third, who was black.  Bam! Bam! Bam!  Got that out of the way as soon as I could, hahaha. 😉  I’m playing. I honestly didn’t even think about it at the time, though now it is kind of cool to be able to say I’ve tasted the rainbow. 🙂

Anyhow, we’ve established that its not “never”.  I’ve always been kinda bugged by people who say they would “never” date someone of a different race, but it’s even more weird when you apply that to your own!  How can you block out an entire race of people from your sexual realm of possibility, and how lame is it to discount your OWN freaking race??  WTF??

Honestly, it bothers me when I hear black men say they won’t date black women and I fully understand why some black women get pissed.  The other day at the swinger party where I was talking with two women, a white guy (the one I had just given a blow job to, actually) walked out the door and they both commented that he was cute but they couldn’t fuck him.  The one girl said “I just can’t do white guys anymore” and the other agreed.  They were both white.  I kept my mouth shut but inwardly I was rolling my eyes.

HOWEVER, that said, I clearly do have a preference.  My general preference is black men.  That is USUALLY what I am attracted to.  It’s actually a very strong preference, as you can see from my numbers above.  I sometimes don’t want to admit it, like when the Professor was looking at my swinger site emails and noticed “you don’t even open the white guys’ mail!” That wasn’t entirely true though, I just hadn’t opened MOST of their mail, lol.

Is it because you hate your dad and are trying to get back at him?

This one is kind of entertaining.  Because, well, I didn’t really know my dad until I was a teenager and in the meantime, I had three stepdads.  The first one was white, the second was from South America and the third was black. 

I hated my third stepdad, and still do, but the last way I would try to “get back” at him would be to date black men.  So, hopefully that answers the question as to whether I would date that way because I was “close” to my stepfather too.  NOPE. 

If my black stepfather had been my only exposure to black men and I was one to assume they were all like him, I’d be a racist bitch.  It didn’t happen that way though, thankfully.  Maybe because I was around enough OTHER family members, who were also black, to not make those kinds of assumptions.

I always felt like I was treated like part of the family, for the most part.  While some of his family weren’t too keen on the fact that he was married to a white woman, they didn’t take it out on ME, because I was a kid.  I was just thrown into the mix with the zillions of cousins running around and really no one seemed to think much of it.

Is it because black guys have bigger dicks?

I’ve gone over this one in my post Big Black Men, Is it True?  So if you haven’t read that, head over there.  The answer is no.  That really has nothing to do with it at all.  When white guys tell me they are “black below the belt” it doesn’t turn me on.  I’m just shaking my head.

Is it because you fucked black guys at a young age and “once you go black you never go back?”

Again, I am a never say never kind of girl, remember?  Even after sleeping with a lot of black guys, I went away to an almost totally white college and guess who I fucked there?  White guys!  In fact, that is where I met my ex husband, who was white.

I get this question more from black men than white ones, actually.  What was really entertaining was after I first met my ex husband and went back home for the summer. 

When I first came back, some girlfriends and I went over to this guy’s house.  There were probably like 15 people over there hanging out.  Maybe 5 girls and 10 guys, all of whom were black (except me).  One of the guys asked who I was dating and I told them about my ex.

He thought that was crazy and announced “Lovergirl is dating a white dude!!!” Soon, the attention was all on me, while he and a few of the other guys grilled me right and left and totally made fun of that fact. 

He was like “you aren’t really dating a white guy, you can’t date a white guy! Once you go black you NEVER go back”.  The girls had to jump in “how can you tell her she can’t date a white guy??  She’s white!  You act like she’s black or something!!”  He asked “what’s his name?” and I told him his name and he starts busting out laughing and all the guys are “that is such a white name, hahahaha”.  I said “he’s white!” lmao “what do you expect??  You want his parents to give him a black name?” hahaha

The teasing went on for awhile, with the guys telling me he was probably cheating on me and me saying “no he isn’t”.  The girls were like “he’s not cheating on her!  He’s white!!”  and the guys were saying he was probably doing so right at that very moment.  :p  Then they threatened to call my ex boyfriend, the crazy drug dealer one, and tell him the news.  They were pretending to pick up the phone and I was all “go ahead!!  Why would he care, I’m not talking to him anymore anyway”.   

The whole thing ended with the guy whose house we were at telling me I “even look more white” and pretending to sneer at me, lmao.  Then he was like “you’ll be back…wait”.  Hahaha  I guess I can’t argue about that. 😉

Hold on, wait.  You have sex with all these black guys and then the guy you chose to MARRY was white?  Is this some sort of latent racism?  Did you think he was better marriage material and a better person to make babies with because of his whiteness?

No.  It wasn’t because he was white that I married him.  I actually always wanted to have a biracial baby, because of my little brother and sister.  When they were born I was a young teenager and took care of them all the time.  I thought they were the cutest things on earth and adored my younger siblings.  I totally wanted a mixed race baby, lol. 

However, I DID think my ex husband was completely different from all the other guys I had been with and more “marriage material”.  So this question gave me a pause for just a minute.  Why did I think that?  Was it more than just the fact that he had been the one to ASK me to get married or that his parents kind of pressured us in that direction?  I never dated any black guys whose parents were pressuring them to marry a white girl, btw, lol. 

If there was ONE stereotype I think I had in my head at the time regarding black men, it was that “black men always cheat”.  I know that this is probably unfair, and of course not always true, but it is what it is.  I’d grown up with that imbedded into my brain, mainly from black women!  Not to mention I’d had quite a few experiences of being cheated ON by black guys, including 3 who impregnated someone else whilst we were dating.

I didn’t want to marry someone who would cheat on me.  So I think in some way that probably DID factor into my decision at the time.  Now that I’m older and wiser I’d say everyone cheats, or they will, if they have the option.  If they have the option and don’t think they would get caught, years after being married…I suspect MOST men AND women, would cheat, black or white.

Shortly before I actually ended up cheating on my ex husband, I was emailing back and forth with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time on MySpace.  She is biracial and has 5 kids with like 5 different dads.  She was relaying a story of one of the dads, who had asked her to marry him and got her to come to another state and even gave her a ring, before she discovered that he was ALREADY married and had given her his current wife’s ring!  Nuts. 

She said “you’re lucky, you married a white guy, you don’t have to worry about him cheating on you”.  She went on to lament that she could never date a white guy herself.  I guess I’ll never know if my ex actually cheated on me but he did eventually fall in love with someone else, so there goes that theory down the drain!

Anyhow, sometimes I kind of wish I had married a black man.  For all the negative press black men get, I’m virtually always impressed by what great fathers the guys I see are.  I mean,  they go over and above, and I am so sad for my own children that they don’t have that.

I think a lot of black men, these days, make it a HUGE priority to be a good dad.  It’s like all their lives they have seen the negative effects in the black community and all the stereotypes and go completely the opposite direction.  I wish someone had drilled this into my ex husband’s head while they were knocking him over it with the Bible.  Sigh…

You must have a sexual “fetish” for black men.

I don’t think that is the case.  It’s true that I am more physically attracted, usually, to black men.  Why that is, I can’t say for sure.  I can say that there are plenty of black men I am NOT attracted to and that the ones I am, tend to fall into a very specific “type”.  So like any other “type” that a person has, mine is black men that fall into whatever attraction template I have.  Actually, I think I have a couple.  Most of the guys I see, look or act, in some way, like a man that I have liked previously.  I guess that is part of my natural selection bias.

I also prefer black men to date, not just for sex.  I tend to feel a lot more comfortable with black men and have more in common.  Maybe that is due to not having been around as many white guys growing up.  Even when I had the South American stepfather, most of the families we associated with were not white.  I sometimes have a harder time relating to white guys, despite being white myself.

Even with my ex husband, I never really felt “close” to him, whereas a lot of times I can talk better with black men and feel more understood.  Maybe it is because I don’t really have the same cultural background as most white men.  When I went away to an all white, country, college, it was actually kind of a culture shock for me.  The music, movies, and general attitude that I grew up with veered more towards black than white.  Not that I didn’t have white friends or go to predominately white schools, because I did, but at home it was different.

So what is it that you like about black men and why do you think you choose them?

This is the hard part, because I can’t write it without admitting to having some stereotypes.  I like to think I don’t, but I guess we all do to some extent, like it or not.  Here is the deal though, I have certain traits that I like and have come to look for in men.  In my experience, it is much EASIER to find what I am looking for in a black man. 

What I think it boils down to, is that I percieve black men as being more “Alpha” in general.  Before the white guys get too upset and disagree, let me explain.  It’s not that white guys don’t sometimes have “Alpha” characteristics or that ALL black men fit the description. It just seems, in our culture and at least, here in the U.S., that with white guys it’s something like 20% of the population versus 80% of black men.

Let’s say, for example, that I am looking for a man who is dominant in bed.  I go on a sex site and find 10 black guys and 10 white guys.  Probably 8 of the black men are going to fit that description, but only 2 of the white guys.  Since the majority of the population is white (and especially where I live now), if I just focus on the black men, I can get what I want a LOT faster and not have to filter through zillions of passive white dudes.  Plus, because there are few black men in this area, I have an even smaller group to narrow it down to.

Ever feel like you are totally overwhelmed at Walmart because there are sooo many choices to pick from, for something as basic as shampoo?  It’s like I don’t even know where to start and I don’t want to try each one to figure out if it (he) is what I am looking for.  Would be much faster to run around the corner to the place that only sells a few salon brands. 

Anyow, that might be a bad analogy because I usually do just grab a Walmart shampoo, lmao, and I like to try different ones. 😉  But hopefully, I’m making SOME sense. 

What are the traits that you associate more often with black men, that you like?

Well, we have established the more dominant part.  I think that tends to be true, both in and out of the bedroom.  Now get ready for the massive generalizations, but I find them to be mostly true in my experience.

In general, black men that I meet, are more likely to have some of the following characteristics:

Dress nicely (white European guys do this but in the U.S., white guys tend to think this is “gay”)
Take good care of their physique or are “athletic”
Meticulous hygeine
Clean freaks (I love this and you rarely come across black men that are slobs)
LIKE to talk about relationships, and sex (for some reason white guys don’t seem as interested in this a lot of times)
Less judgemental
More complimentary
Less emotionally reserved and more willing to talk about feelings
More protective
More of a gentleman in how they treat women
Less critical
More supportive, emotionally
Put more emphasis on family and ties to friends

AND…what I know you really want to know…IN the bedroom

More emotionally expressive and PASSIONATE
More appreciative of my body
More dominant and commanding
More sensual and “romantic”
Care more about my pleasure in a non-supplicating way
Less selfish
More experienced

OF COURSE-

There are plenty of lame black men out there too, but I do seem to be able to find what I am looking for more often and I do love the color contrast of dark skin on lighter skin in bed.  I’ve been with a couple of white guys that were good in bed but they didn’t open up as much.  I’ve also had a disproportionate amount of one night stands with white guys.  It’s like they are quicker to hit it and quit it or think of you as “slutty” afterwards. 

My other deal with the white guys I have come across on dating sites is that they seem to go to extremes.  It’s like they are either super passive or they go crazy with it and take “dominant” to mean rough, aggressive and MEAN, which I hate.  I once put out a Craigslist ad looking for a “freak” in the bedroom.  It was like all the black guys knew exactly what I meant but the white guys were talking about totally off the wall shit, involving all kinds of props and stuff that I would never want to do.  I don’t know, maybe that’s just part of the communication barrier I was talking about earlier.

I know some of you all are probably chomping at the bit by now, but these are just my observations, experiences and feelings.  Thoughts?

Things that make me go hmmmm….

hmmmm-let-me-think-about-that-thumb

So remember how Mr. Motorcycle had asked me to have a couples profile with him and I had decided it wasn’t the best idea?  I don’t recall whether or not I gave him a definitive answer but apparently he took matters into his own hands and opened one without my knowledge!  I found out because the Professor texted me, apologizing for looking at my couples profile and saying he wasn’t trying to stalk me or anything, he hadn’t realized it was mine.

Um, what?  What couples profile?  I was bewildered.  He said there were face pictures of me on the main page of the site! 

At first I wasn’t even sure who it was because both the Referee and Mr. Motorcycle have got pics of me on their single profiles now.  I thought I had asked them to keep any face pics out of their main gallery, where it can be seen by all.  When I finally figured it out though, and had a look, I was only able to see pics that didn’t include my face.  I’m not a paid member so the Prof could see more than me.

Still, he opened a profile without my permission!  I was upset and texted him to ask about it.  His response was a lot of sweet talk.  He said he had to have a couples profile to get into one of the parties we were trying to attend this weekend.  When I read the rules for that party it was true, they asked all singles coming together to have a couple profile, but I was still irked he hadn’t informed me.  I also told him I didn’t want my face pics out in public and he swore up and down that he would never do that and wasn’t that stupid.

I still find it interesting that the minute a picture of me appears on that site, the Prof is on it!  It’s like he’s either on there CONSTANTLY or he’s got some kind of super radar for my pics.  It makes me sad because I do still have feelings for him but I don’t see it going anywhere at this point.  I made a comment about having heard about him sleeping with that woman and telling her not to tell me and that I was surprised to learn someone else had been all in love with him when we were together but he didn’t respond to that.  I said it didn’t really matter at this point anyhow, but I still wanted to see what he would say. 

Mr. Motorcycle deleted all the pics on the profile, other than ones he has in a gallery where he has to give permission for a person to see it.  The profile is still up though and he claims we need it to get into certain parties, which is true.  I couldn’t get him to give me the password though, he acted like he didn’t remember it when I asked him this morning.  It’s pretty obvious he is full of shit and it makes me wonder what all he actually plans on using it for.

I let it slide and still went to a party with him last night, like we had planned.  For the most part the party was fairly boring, as far as swinger parties go.  We danced and drank and it was in a hotel lobby.  We didn’t really meet anyone we were interested in swapping with, so at the end of the night it was just he and I.

During the party, he kept disappearing on me to go outside or back to the room.  I don’t think he was gone long enough to be having sex with anyone else but I am a little suspicious as to what he was up to.  Not that it really matters that much to me at a swingers party, I just think it is odd that he seems to be hiding something.  You could smoke inside this party and there was an ashtray at our table, yet he kept taking off.

After he got me naked back in the room there were a couple times he went outside to see what was going on.  He did it both before and after we had sex.  I know there was one woman there he has slept with before and he did give me a little update on what was going on with them.  Apparently she had a few guys lined up outside the room to fuck her and he says her husband slept with a couple of women too.  I still get the feeling he really doesn’t want to share ME all that much and is trying to keep me away from the fun.

Also, this morning he had what looked like a hickey on his shoulder.  I’m pretty darn sure it wasn’t from me?  I don’t think I have ever given anyone a hickey in my life, lol and I don’t remember sucking on him at all during sex but he claims he didn’t touch anyone else and it had to have been from me.  Hmmm….

Anyhow, while he was gone at various times, I would get antsy just sitting alone at the back table he wanted me to wait at, and got up to walk around and “use the restroom”.  At least that was my excuse, and I did end up giving one guy my phone number on the sly.  I was a little worried that Mr. Motorcycle would come back and get upset with me, though I don’t suppose he would have any real reason or right to.  He later claimed that one of his reasons for continuing to leave was to see who would try and talk with me, but I am not so sure about that. 

I also spent some of my time texting back and forth with both my Fuck Buddy and the Referee.  There weren’t a whole lot of attractive people to socialize with at the party and they were both curious what I was up to.  The Referee wants to see me today, later.  He kept telling me he missed me and to think about HIM and take pics.

My Fuck Buddy, and this is hilarious, had placed a Craigslist ad and I had responded to it!  I haven’t responded to a Craigslist ad in ages but had been playing around a bit on there earlier in the day and seen an ad looking for a girl with green eyes.  Hey, I fit the bill, lol 😉  Funny that it was from him because virtually every time I have placed an ad, he has answered it too!!  I know he likes my green eyes but it is amusing to me that he would specifically seek that out.  I guess we were bound to find each other on there eventually one way or another.

As the night went on we did talk to more people and dance quite a bit, so that was fun.  The sex was pretty great too, so no complaints there.  Well, other than that he didn’t cum after the second round.  He did the first time but it annoyed me that he seemed to not want to the second time.  That reduces the enjoyment for me and makes the sex not seem as good, plus I had to wonder what he was holding out for?  Hoping to sleep with someone else?  He was in bed with me all night, though that one woman he had slept with before, her husband did text at 4:30 in the morning.

Oh, and we had sex in the pitch dark, which was good because I tore during the anal episode with the Referee and it still hasn’t healed.  I had been afraid of him noticing that.  It still hurts!!  The Referee says he won’t try anal again with me.  I’m not mad or anything just don’t want to do it again.  He’s pretty thick and I just don’t think my body can handle it.

Speaking of the Referee, I also noticed HE put a picture of me on his profile that was taken in my Halloween costume with Mr. Motorcycle!  It’s just of me, doesn’t show my face and only shows my ass.  Still, he knows damn well it was taken with another man!  Why would he put that on HIS profile?  SMDH….men, I swear.  I don’t even know if I sent him that pic or if he just pilfered it off Mr. Motorcycle’s profile?  WTF?  Haha….

Anyhow, I don’t have a lot of time to type.  My computer is on the blitz again and I am at the library, but wanted to give an update and share my latest odd happenings.  Hope you all had a great weekend!  Hopefully I’ll be off to see the Referee soon. 

 

 

 

The Referee and things the Prof never told me…

referee

It didn’t take me long to replace the Producer.  Actually, there was another man waiting in the wings.  He had signed up for the party I was originally supposed to attend with the Producer and his girlfriend, and contacted me on the swinger site.  I had agreed to meet him over lunch a couple of days before the party, originally thinking he might be someone who could join in and swap with us all.

There is kind of an interesting back story with this particular man, though I was oblivious to most of it.  When he emailed me from his swinger profile, I didn’t realize right away that he was the same man I had spoken with several months ago, while I was still seeing the Professor.  He had changed his location and profile pics due to some of the higher ups in his profession seeing he was on there.  None of the pictures were showing his face.

However, when I went to text him at the number he gave me, his name popped up in my phone.  Okay, now I remembered him.  I asked about the changes and he explained.  He at first avoided the question of whether or not he had been friends with the Professor.

The reason I had turned this man down the first time we were talking back and forth was because it was clear to me that the Professor was feeling jealous and didn’t want me speaking with him.  He had gotten upset with me for silly things like the fact that I had talked with this man over the phone, rather than simply texted.  I was like, well, he called me!  LOL  I usually prefer to text, due to having children in the house but I do answer my phone if I can, just try to avoid it as much as possible. 

Anyhow, I hadn’t been particularly into him, though he did have a lot of positive references and seemed like a good guy.  I had been turned off a little because he seemed overeager and then the Professor had told me he had a gold tooth.  Yeah, I wasn’t feeling the gold tooth and I was super into the Prof at the time anyhow and didn’t want to hurt him by getting involved with someone he knew.

Little did I know, there was all kinds of competition brewing beneath the surface between the two of them.  I knew they had shared a married woman at a party before and that they both did some part time work as referees.  Over my lunch date I learned much more.

According to the Referee, as I will call him (though he has another full time job, it’s not very exciting, he’s a supervisor at some sort of factory), not only was HE trying to talk to me at the time, but the Prof had gotten upset and in return tried really hard to get with HIS “single” girlfriend.  He said that didn’t work out though because she had decided she was more into women and run off on him for another girl, not showing any interest in the Prof either.

Okay, but it doesn’t stop there.  The Referee was seeing another woman who the Professor was also fucking.  Hold up, wait, he was fucking her while he was seeing me?  Yep, and never told me and even told this girl not to say anything!!  I’ve met her, after all.  In fact, she was the woman who came up and told me she’d met him at the Christmas party, back in my blog story, When being open isn’t enough.

Ahhhh…… wow, the truth starts to come out.  The Referee says that at that particular party he had ASKED her to come up and introduce herself to me, and to report back to him.  He wanted to know if I was as hot as I looked in my pictures.  She said I was, but that the Professor wasn’t allowing me to play with anyone.  Too funny, because she and the Jamaican had asked us to come up to their room and the Prof definitely wasn’t having it. 

Oh, but this isn’t all.  Not only were they both fucking this same woman, but the Referee also used to see another woman that the Prof was sleeping with right before he met me, a married woman that he had told me a little bit about but I thought nothing of it since he made it seem like they had just been casual fwb.  Not so much.  The Referee said he’d spent time with her actually CRYING and really upset because the Prof had “left her” for a “younger, hotter, woman” and now would no longer see her anymore.  Yeah, that would be me.

I had no idea.  I feel awful that someone felt that way about the relationship between the Prof and I,  but no one had told ME what was going on.  I had been contacted by her profile right before that party at the hotel asking if we wanted to have a threesome with the Prof and he had said it was probably just her husband goofing off.  He never gave any indication that she was into him as more than just sex.

Gah, this whole thing is doing nothing for my trust level for men in general.  You can’t even have an OPEN relationship, it seems, without somebody lying or running off with the next girl and abandoning the person that was there before.  I met this woman at a party this weekend and I could totally see the hurt in her eyes and it made me feel awful. She’s very pretty for her age (which is like 60) and in great shape (plus has had plastic surgery) and doesn’t need to feel that way about herself. 

Add that I was there with the Referee, and he also didn’t want to get with her because of me, and it made me want to crawl through a hole. She even went and changed her costume into one more similar to mine, after she saw what I was wearing. We had taken some pics together with the Referee and then she came back to take more. He said he knew she was wanting to get with him again but he wasn’t really interested.

Sigh…. Well let’s get back to the fun part, shall we?  The Referee and I had a great little meeting over lunch.  He drove up in his very nice white Cadillac with some seriously cool rims and a little TV on the dashboard.  We met at the Marriot hotel before he took me to lunch at Applebees.  He was nice looking, despite the gold tooth and really in a lot of ways reminds me of the Producer.  Before we went in to eat we sat in his car, watching videos on the dashboard and drinking some Cayman Jack margaritas in a bottle.  I’m loving those things, he even gave me one to take home, lol.

Of course we had all kinds of interesting things to talk about.  He said he’s been feeling me for a really long time and really wanted to meet me after all that ordeal with the Prof.  He’d kind of backed out of swinging for a while with the discovery of his profile and gotten into a monogamous relationship for about 6 months. 

I had to explain to him the situation with the Producer and his girlfriend and why they were no longer coming to the party and he said that was crazy.  He said I was way too beautiful to accept second best from anyone and not to ever let someone do me like that.  He thought the woman demanding to come along each time we had sex was way out of line and said it sounds like the Producer is just getting off on the ego trip of being her first “black guy”.  He totally agreed with the points I had laid out about the red flags I saw as potential issues, but of course the Producer will have to figure that all out for himself, after he comes down off the high of NRE.  Ah well.

We ate and headed back to the hotel, where he popped in a porn video for me to watch while he was checking in.  I was like isn’t that kind of distracting, porn on your dashboard while you are driving and he said it’s not too bad but it does get him horny on long drives.  LOL  He claimed he got the video from the guy who put the tv in for free and it contained a lot of double penetration/anal.

Then we went up to the hotel room, which was an extra nice one with a balcony and had a blast.  He was good in bed, went down on me and has a similar sexual style to the Producer.  He also claims he can’t cum with a condom on and it does nothing for him to wear one so we went without.  He called himself “Daddy” in the bedroom so I know he’s another one that likes that. 😉  During sex he was telling me I could have anything I wanted from him.

He really seems to like me and asked me what I was looking for relationship wise.  According to him he is more of a monogamy type of guy really and tends to get into monogamous relationships with the wife of a couple.  He was with the same woman, the mother of his children who are now in college, for 23 years before getting into the Lifestyle.  I didn’t really know what to say and just said I am playing it by ear, not wanting to rush into anything.  He thought that was smart and not crazy, like getting into something two weeks in, like the Producer.

In fact, he liked me so much that he wanted to come down again two days later (it’s like an hour and a half or so drive).  He said he’d come even if he could just get a kiss.  We decided though, instead, to go to the party together.

We had fun.  I wore my French maid costume.  It looks like this from the front.

french maid

 

And here is a picture of me and the Referee from the back 😉

referee

We had gone to the hotel next door to the party, even though we weren’t staying there, for me to change into my costume, and couldn’t find a restroom in the lobby so I ducked into a laundry room.  There was a peephole in the door and I was teasing him that he could watch.  He came in at the end to help me try and fasten some straps and there was a knock on the door.  It was some random guys at the hotel trying to do their laundry and they thought we were fucking.  We laughed it off and he asked the guy to take a picture. 😉

Other than meeting the woman who had cried over me and the Professor there wasn’t a lot exciting about the party itself.  There was a 70 something woman in a wheelchair who grabbed the Referee’s dick and told him “I’m going to get some of that!!” and a big fat lady who stripped naked and was telling him he just didn’t want her because she was old.

When we first walked in, two women grabbed me and tried to pull me off.  I could tell the Referee was freaking out because he had told me that every time he takes a single woman to a party she leaves him for another woman and he gets left out in the cold.  I’d reassured him I wasn’t like that, lol, so I was laughing but holding back from actually running off with them.  He said one party she just took off into the bathroom with a married woman and then she was gone and he never saw her again. 

We hung out with a couple of other couples and danced and took some jello shots and drank a little but eventually went back to the Marriot by ourselves.  He gets some sort of special deal there, which is cool.  According to him, he really didn’t feel like sharing me and especially so soon after just meeting and enjoys his one on one.  We had fantastic sex, it was even better than the first time and he passed out before I left to go home.

I feel bad because he lost a $200 gold chain in the hotel the first time we had sex and they overcharged him instead of giving him the rate he wanted the second time but he still seems interested.  I guess we will see how this goes.   

The next day I drove out to see my fuck buddy again.  He helped fill up my gas tank to get home and he gave me one of his porn dvd’s.  It’s called “Chocolate Cherry Ho’s”….lmao.  We had been watching one together after our first round of sex and he had a big collection so said I could take one home. I guess I will have to watch that. 😉 He was showing me some guy called “Wesley Pipes”, lol. I’m not a big porn connoisseur, so not too familiar with most of it. I was telling him he was big enough to be up there on the porn screen too and he was like “really?” So modest. 😉 

We had fantastic sex and I am so glad he’s still here in my life.  He’s really a sweetheart and great looking with a perfect body.  I can’t really say why we don’t fit together.  We are pretty different though.  He’s from the deep south and cracks me up because he will say things like he doesn’t believe swimming is natural for human beings and we shouldn’t be out there in the ocean if we can’t breathe underwater.  He’s also more naturally quiet and to himself.  He tells me a lot of crazy stories about the things people were doing sexually when he was in the military though. 

Anyhow, the Producer may have tossed me off to the side but I’m keeping him blocked and going on my merry way.  Obviously it didn’t stop me from getting mine this past week, lol, despite being upset. 

Crash landing for the Pilot :(

crash

Well, so much for the Pilot, I guess we are over and done with.  I thought he was this really great guy but my opinion of him has taken a total nosedive.  He really pissed me off and left me upset last night.

First of all, we had plans to go to a party.  His idea, we’d made them Wed. night.  I was excited to come up and see him again and do our thing.  Our couples profile was doing great, with lots of views and winks and people commenting that we were hot and asking to meet up.

Then, Thursday night he texts me and says he has a friend of his that would be interested in hanging out with us and his girl.  He tells me to check out this couple’s profile and that they have sent us their private gallery with face pics.  He says he knows the guy, and he is cool, but never met the woman.

I look at the pics and the guy isn’t bad, probably fuckable, though I’d have to see him in person to know for sure.  The woman, well, not so much.  She was a little below average on looks.  Her profile stated she was 33, but she looked worn and much older, like someone who’s done too many drugs.  Naked, I wasn’t that impressed.  There was something about her that made me wonder about cleanliness.  Like she looked halfway shaven, like she hadn’t taken the time to clean up before a picture and that bugged me a bit. 

I mean, if we are playing with a couple, I am most likely going to have to play with the woman too and don’t want to be grossed out.  I didn’t want to be rude since the guy is his friend, but I wasn’t liking the idea.  So I said “they could be alright, what do you think about her?”  He said “mas o menos, not that excited about her but she is not that bad”.  I told him I was thinking similarly but if he wants to we can.

Then he added that his friend wanted to split the cost of a room and all share together.  His friend was leaving on an airplane early the next morning and had actually asked the Pilot and another guy to fuck her while he was gone.  Okay, that sounded a little weird but it is the Lifestyle, right?

I asked if they were wanting to stay in or go out to the party.  He said he wasn’t sure, that they were signed up for a different party then added that he wasn’t big on the idea of sharing a hotel room.  I admitted I wasn’t really either because that left us stuck with them all night.  He was like “no pressure, we don’t have to hook up with them”.

Then he sent me a text saying that the party we were planning on going to had a lot of people, but they didn’t look that appealing and that his friend keeps calling him.  I said “the people there don’t look that appealing?  And your friend does?  LOL”  What I meant, was he keeps calling?  But a couple minutes later I realized that probably came off as though I meant his friend didn’t look appealing.  It wasn’t his friend that wasn’t appealing to me, but the woman, but I wouldn’t have been that rude anyhow.

I quickly tried to explain what I had meant and he just said “it’s ok”.  He said “not saying he or she is either.  He contacted me today and asked me to fuck her…told him I had plans for Friday but would ask you”.  He said his friend was a little strange for wanting him to fuck his girl while he was gone and he thought it was crazy she agreed to it.  I was like “why wouldn’t she, she gets to fuck two guys, at least one of whom is hawt ;)”.  He said he’d never thought of it that way and I laughed and said I was shaking my head. 

Then I told him that I honestly wasn’t that excited about the idea and thought it would be fun to go out.  He said he felt the same.  I said he could always fuck her after I leave if his friend needs him too and he laughed….then ignored the rest of my texts that evening.  I sent 4, including one asking if he was okay with not hanging out with his friend. I  said we could if he wants.  No response.

It was late so I though he possibly fell asleep and decided not to worry about it.  The next morning I sent a text “so what is the plan for tonight?”  He said he was torn and I asked between what and he said the two parties, the one we had signed up for and the other one, that his friend had signed up for.  I noticed he had used our couples profile to add us to that list too.

He said the first party he’d been told by a good friend, who was a “hot married woman that is all about fucking, single or coupled males so I trust her opinion” that it was a waste of time.  That no one really does anything at that party.  He said the second one was either or, it could be fun or “underwhelming” and not a lot of people had signed up.  I said maybe that one would be more fun then and if it wasn’t we could make it that way, or we could even do something non swingerish- it didn’t matter to me.  There was also another couple that we had spoken with before that lives up there and was interested in getting together with us, people he had chosen.

He mentioned that he liked the party we had been to the last time but it is next weekend and he is going out of town.  I asked what he had told his friend and he said “nothing, I blow him off all the time”.  I said okay then he ignored a handful of texts from me so I was like “I hope I’m not texting you too much at work”.  He said no, you know I enjoy your texts, I was out at lunch for a while”. 

I asked if we were still on for tonight and said I needed to make sure I wouldn’t have to reschedule childcare.  I just had this nagging feeling that he was going to back out on me.  He didn’t answer the question and just asked if I wanted to go to the second party.  I said sure and he asked what time I was planning on coming up.  I told him and didn’t hear back for an hour. 

By this time it was getting close to when I would need to take my kids to their dad’s and leave and he hadn’t said anything about making hotel reservations or anything.  Then he comes out with “Do you mind if I cancel?  I am not feeling it for tonight.”

Wow.  I said I wished he would have told me earlier.  Then I was like “I don’t really see the point of having a couples profile if you aren’t interested in seeing me either???”  No response so I got pissed and said I was going to delete it and called him an asshole.

He sent a text saying “definitely want to see you…just been tired it’s a busy week” right at about the same time I sent that so probably before he read it.  He was like “wow, ok, don’t you think you are overreacting a little?”  I told him no, I don’t think so, he completely disrespected me and my time and I have told him I need to know ahead of time due to childcare arrangements.  I said he kept putting me off and that was rude and hoped he had a lovely time with whoever he’d decided to see instead.

He claimed he wasn’t seeing anyone that he’d been working 10+ hours a day that week and that he wasn’t complaining but he has to pay for the hotel and the party and help with gas money and he was tired.  I said I didn’t know how stupid I look to him but that it was a waste of my time to drive up there to see someone who would cancel on me because he is “tired”, that we both know that is utter bullshit and sorry if it’s too much expense.  Clearly he didn’t find me worth it so no use wasting his time, I never claimed to have a lot of money and am a single mom that has to take care of my kids, that I had told him I might be able to cover my own gas this time (I had).  He was like “Lovergirl, I said I don’t mind….”

I asked why then did he bring it up and said there was really no point in me talking to him and having a couples profile if he’s going to cancel on me the only time all month when we would have a chance to see one another.  I said “I am not an idiot.  I know men don’t cancel on a chance to have fun and sex with a woman because they are “tired”.  You found more exciting plans for the night, enjoy”.

He responded “I can’t change what you think but you are so wrong”.  I called bullshit and told him to have a nice life.  Then I went and deleted the couples profile and blocked him from mine.  Not 5 minutes later I went to look at the list of the 2nd party, the one where his friend had been going and sure enough, he was signed up for it, with his OWN profile..

By now I was livid so I texted him and told him I saw that and called him a liar.  He tried to say he did that after I blocked him, which I think he did but why would you do that if you were “too tired” to go to a party?  I pointed that out and he called me “childish” and said “this isn’t Romper room”.  I said there is nothing childish about pointing out that I was being lied to and treated like shit and that I hoped he had fun at the party.  He again tried to come in with “I signed up after you blocked me” as if that changed anything.

I thanked him for ruining my plans for the weekend since my ex was now saying he couldn’t take them overnight the next night.  He said “ok, so I guess you would rather me just hang out with you tired and all, but at least that way you could have fun, right?”.  I can’t believe he was still trying to claim to be “tired” after I’d seen he signed up for a party!!  What a fucktard.  Men really think women will believe some stupid shit.

I said you have no problems going tired without me!! But whatever I’m not going to play games, you really hurt my feelings.  Hope it’s more fun without me.  He said “you can think whatever, I am going to bed”.  This was at 5:30 pm.

I got pretty pissed at him and told him off.   By now I was crying and upset but told him sorry he didn’t enjoy my company enough to want to hang out and have a great night it was fun for a little while.  He said “so what, would you rather cum up here and let me fuck you in front of everyone?”  I told him no way in hell would I stoop that low, that he has me fucked up if he thinks I am one of these pathetic women who would come running after a guy who didn’t want to see me in the first place.  That I would have been happy to do that before, but not now.  Fool me once, okay but the second time I would be my own fault.

I added that I had someone asking me out to dinner Sat (the Producer) and would rather try and work out childcare for that than waste my time with someone who’d just treated me like dirt.  I asked him to delete the pictures of us he has on his profile and our video and he claimed he would but as far as I can see he has not gotten rid of the pics off his profile.  I should have left it there but I was pissed off and told him off a few more times.  He claimed he was sitting at home, just reading my “rants” at like 10:30 and I said that was funny since he was so tired he was going to bed at 5:45.  Ugh.  What a fucking LOSER. 

Who knows what he decided to do instead?  Hang out with his friend and the not so attractive woman?  Or someone else at that party.  I can’t believe he pulled this shit on me when I thought he was so great.  I am so done with his sorry ass and sorry I fell for it.  I cried a lot last night.  You’d think it wouldn’t affect me so much since I’m really not “in love” with him at this point but I guess I had a lot of hope with the way things were going.  Better now than farther down the road I guess.

Tonight the Producer is taking me out to a dinner theatre.  I’m not that excited about it and my eyes are totally red and swollen but I am going to go anyway.  Anything to keep my mind off this.  I haven’t talked to the Professor since the other day and he is probably still all hurt thinking I’m with this other guy.  If only he knew. 😦

Signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs

Once upon a time I was really into astrology.  Not just sun signs, but, diagramming the whole chart astrology.  Granted that was a long time ago, but I was fascinated by the subject. 

Part of this interest probably had to do with the fact that my whole chart had been done by a professional when I was a baby and I had tapes of her predictions for my future.  It was really a fascinating two hours to sit and listen to someone talking about what kind of a person I was supposed to grow up to be like and seeing how much of it was true thus far (as a teen). 

In any case I used to have Linda Goodman’s book Love Signs on my shelf as well as latitude and longitude books and other chart mapping tools.  I was fascinated with people’s birthdates and times and how it influenced their personalities.  To me it made sense that the moon and stars could have an effect on our emotions.  After all, our bodies contain a lot of fluids and the moon controls the tides.  It’s not as far- fetched as it may seem. That was my reasoning at the time anyway, lol.

When I got married, along with my Ouija board and my tarot cards and other occultish items, the ex- husband said these have to go.  He felt they were anti -Christian and had no place in our home.  At the time, I reluctantly agreed.  I was more willing to let go of this stuff than my music but all of it was tossed.  Even the astrology tapes I’d had done when I was too young to remember.  I don’t think anyone has an extra copy of them either.

I still remember a lot of what was said during the reading because I’d listened to those tapes over and over again.  You could hear the sound of the ocean in the background as she talked about my Virgo sun sign, Aquarius rising.  I have Mars in Libra, Jupiter in Gemini, and overall a bunch of air signs dominating my birth chart.  Due to all this I felt I wasn’t really meant to be a Virgo.  I mean, how could that even describe me?  They sound so anal and prude, annoying in all the descriptions.

How could I reconcile my ENFP traits, with those of a Virgo and the way they are typically portrayed? Virginal? Uptight?  Moi? You must be joking!!

During a discussion maybe a year or so ago, when I was home visiting family, one of my sisters brought up the zodiac and I rolled my eyes saying that I didn’t feel like Virgo described me very well.  My mother was quick to jump in that oh yes, it is me to a T.  What? 

She said yes because I am “very efficient” and they bombarded me with words describing my typically Virgo nature.  Okay, okay.  I guess there might be a little truth to it.  Maybe.

A lady at the bank today called my checkbook balancing “meticulous”.  There had been a mistake on my records and I came in to verify mine versus theirs so I wouldn’t be given an extra charge. Apparently in this day and age most people don’t take the time to balance their records the way I do. In my pole dancing class the other day one of the instructors pointed out my tendency to be way overcritical of myself when she asks how I felt or think I did.  I notice the tiniest mistakes. Yes, I am a perfectionist. 

All that is very Virgo.  But does it carry over into the bedroom?  Hmmmm….

I’m far from prude but I guess I do have my little things.  If someone called me names in the sack, like “bitch” or “whore” I’d probably up and walk out.  I’m very much a pleaser and want to do everything the way the guy likes it.  It took me a very long time to get to the point where I realized that to have orgasms I needed to stop trying to give so much and just lie back and receive.

By the way, I also have Venus, which is the sign of love and relationships, in Virgo.  Dammit.  It’s a double whammy.

Did I mention I have this thing for guys that are really anal about something or other?  Haha.  Like, I think it’s hot when he tells me he irons his socks, for example, or the way the Pilot schedules and plans things way ahead of time.  The guy I had the affair with can be rather OCD about cleanliness and I just loved it.  Yeah, it’s a little weird but it must be the Virgo in me.

Back in the day, I knew this girl who said her goal in life was to fuck a guy from every sign of the Zodiac.  I wonder if I have done that yet?

Let’s see…. The guy I had the affair with was an Aquarius.  Yeah, that fits him.  Really well.  He’s very creative, genius even, and not afraid to be different from all the rest.  He’s kind of unpredictable and we are supposed to be a terrible match, Aquarius and Virgo, but maybe the rising sign helps, lol.  We did have a lot of ups and downs, and do have an offbeat, unusual sort of relationship.  Sometimes I think we are over and done with but then, randomly, this morning, he sent me a picture of his dick, lol.  Maybe not ;).

My FWB is a Scorpio.  Hawt.  So was the first guy I ever had sex with.  Both are/were very intense in the sack.

The Professor, my Fuck Buddy and the Producer, as well as the guy I was platonic friends with for years before starting to have threesomes with? Oh, and the guy I basically couldn’t stand but had great sex with all the time anyway? Sagittarius.  All of them, lol.  WTH?  I must be some sort of Sagittarius magnet.  I’d categorize them all as people who have difficulty expressing their feelings and sort of free roamers. 

The guy I was in love with for the longest and who broke my heart?  Libra.  So were several other guys I have slept with and had relationships with in the past.  That’s another sign I seem to draw in.  On one hand they can be a lot of fun and easy to get along with.  Yet they can be surprisingly heartless when you are least expecting it.

My ex- husband was a Virgo.  So was the guy who tried to choke me when I told him I had cheated on him.  Yeah, I’m not feeling so keen on Virgo men.  The ex was extremely critical, of me and unrealistic in his expectations.  I guess that is something I need to watch out not to become myself.

The Married Man is a Pisces.  He is flaky as fuck too.  Yet in the bedroom?  WOW.  Just wow.  There are no words for how amazing he is in that regard.  Yeah, I’d sleep with him again in a heartbeat, even if he flakes out on plans a million times.

The totally crazy guy I dated who ended up in prison and who I had the most volatile relationship with in my life was an Aries.  Yeah, impulsive, bullheaded, fiery temper, that would be him.  He was very aggressive in the bedroom.

The Pilot is a Leo!  I love it!  I can totally see how that fits him.  He loves attention and draws a lot of it but is also very generous and kind.  He’s enthusiastic and can go and go and go in the bedroom.  He’s making me pretty happy at the moment too!  I dated this Italian guy that was a Leo way back in middle school and he was pretty jealous and hotheaded but I haven’t seen that out of the Pilot yet. Haha.

He wants us to make a couples profile together on the swinger site. 🙂  I love how he’s all gung ho to do this stuff that I could never get from the Prof, without me even asking.  We had a blast last night trying to come up with our profile name and were cracking each other up for a couple hours.  I think we’ve chosen a pretty good one too. 😉

Anyhow, what does that leave?  I don’t recall ever fucking a Taurus.  They are supposed to be one of my best matches too.  I can’t remember any Cancers either.  I’m pretty sure I have slept with some Gemini’s but I don’t think any of them were significant in my life.  Capricorns?  Not that I know of.  My Capricorn teenage son drives me nuts though.  I’m not sure how any woman is ever going to put up with him, lol.  Maybe he’ll calm down in a couple of years but headstrong, demanding, extremely impulsive, and full of tall tales doesn’t seem like what I’d be looking for in a guy. :p

Yeah, I take all of this with a big old grain of salt but it’s fun to think about it anyway.  Betty Homebanger inspired me awhile back with this post: Sexuality and Astrology.  How about you all?  What are your experiences with sleeping with the 12 signs?  Anyone done the whole wheel?