Tag Archive | lovers

Cause I love you all ;)

Some love songs for you lovers out there! 😉 Hope everyone has a wonderful Valentines Day!! 🙂

Isley Brothers-For the Love of You
Atlantic Starr- Always
J Holiday- Forever Ain’t Enough
Joe- No One Else Comes Close
K-Ci and JoJo- All My Life
Anthony Hamilton- Charlene
Kenny Loggins ft. Jim Messina- Danny’s Song
Musiq Soulchild- Dontchange
Ginuwine- Differences
Jon B. ft Babyface Someone to Love
Al Green- Let’s Stay Together
Teddy Pendergrass- Love TKO
Chi Lites- Oh Girl
The Dells- The Love We Had Stays on My Mind
The Jeff Healey Band- Angel Eyes
Bette Midler- The Rose
Ann Reno and Mike Wilson- Almost Paradise
R. Kelly- When a Woman Loves
Bon Jovi- I’ll Be There For You
Aerosmith- Angel
Jackson 5- I’ll Be There
Eric Clapton- Wonderful Tonight
Keith Sweat- I’ll Give All My Love to You
Aaron Neville- Crazy Love
Lionel Richie- My Love
The Deele- Two Occasions
Ready for the World- Love You Down
Luther Vandross- If Only For One Night
Rod Stewart- You’re in My Heart
Percy Sledge- When a Man Loves a Woman
Lupe Fiasco ft Ed Sheeran- Old School Love

It’s a small world after all

So awhile back Mr. Best Sex on the Whole Entire Planet Married Guy added me on Facebook. I was a bit surprised and hoped that didn’t clue his wife in because she caught him texting me at least once before. In any case, apparently it wasn’t that big of a deal and he was back to contacting me 3 weeks later. I highly suspect he is a serial cheater and I’m pretty sure his wife would never leave him. I sure wouldn’t if I were her. The sex is too damn good! LOL Plus he appears to be a great dad and has lots of money. Not worth leaving just because he’s a cheater, at least in my opinion, but if I were her I’d just get mine sometimes too.

He lives in the large metropolitan area of a big city that is 30 minutes away from my hometown. So I did a quick check to make sure we didn’t have any mutual friends. We don’t so I figured that was cool and went on to look at a few pics of his wife, who looks beautiful and happy. I briefly hoped my non emotional relationship with him is not hurting her in any way, but I’m thinking it’s pretty common behavior for him and at least we aren’t emotionally involved. Then of course I noticed their ADORABLE children. I texted to tell him how freaking cute his kids are and hadn’t checked back on his page since. He doesn’t post often and occasionally I’ll see a pic of him with his siblings or family.

So today, he texts me to ask if I know a particular guy, who is on my friends list. Why yes, we went to high school together. I wouldn’t say I know him SUPER well, and I know I haven’t slept with him but we ran with the same crowd and there is always the possibility I may have given him a blow job or something and not written it down. What can I say, my memory about that kind of stuff sucks, lol. I asked why he wanted to know and he didn’t text back. Typical, he’s a very flaky guy and I attribute it to being married.

Okay, so just a little while ago I sat down and decided to look the guy up on my Facebook to see why he wanted to know if I knew him. He’s not friends with him. Okay, so I go to HIS friends list and click on the box that says they are friends of his that I might know. Low and behold, there is a girl who is friends with my baby sister and a few other people I know, and 3 more people that are friends with my stepsister and a few more that are friends with other friends of mine. Ha!

I text to tell Mr. Sex God about it and he texts back that the guy he mentioned earlier is his oldest child’s mother’s boyfriend. (Guess he hasn’t been married all that long, or else he had his child out of wedlock, I’d just assumed this child was with his current wife). Ahhhhh….. What cracks me up is that the guy in question actually has a very similar look to Mr. Sex God. Like, they could totally be brothers. I said I can see why she chose him after you, you all have that look and he didn’t comment, lmao. Hope I didn’t upset him ;).

What’s funny is that I happened to meet Mr. Sex God, HERE, while he was on a business trip. He lives almost 3 hours away. I met him on Craigslist and went straight to his hotel and we were having sex within 5 minutes of me showing up. It’s one of my more daring recent sexual escapades and was kind of “unlike” my usual behavior. Actually it’s the first time I’d fucked anyone off Craigslist (but not the last). He claims it was his first time too, though who knows, he’d also claimed he was single and later admitted to being married.

It cracks me up that he knows who this guy is. At first I was actually a bit afraid they might know each other some other way and he might talk to him about me. I was a wild child back in high school and who knows what kind of information he could have to offer about me or what tales he could tell. The guy knows plenty of guys I’ve had sex with, though nowadays he is a worship leader at a big church, so obviously either hiding a bit of HIS past or possibly the present as well (like Mr. Married Dude does, he is a churchgoer also). Either way, I’m not too worried. I know neither is going to put me on blast due to having their own secrets to keep.

It’s just too funny! I went to see who the girlfriend/baby mama is too and she is gorgeous and a model! Sometimes I’m really surprised that Mr. Married Guy seems to like me so much. I’m decent looking but nothing like that. Still when we first met off Craigslist, both before and after we had sex, he kept saying how gorgeous he thought I was. It didn’t seem like he was just saying that either, he seemed genuinely surprised and said I looked even better than my pics and that the sex was as amazing for him as it is for me.

Not that he is known for being 100% truthful or anything, lmao. The second time we had sex he made a crazy proposal to me that I should come live in an extra house that he has with my children and he would pay me 3000 dollars a month if I would have his baby. While that actually sounds fabulous I was pretty sure he was full of shit. He didn’t mention it again until recently and this time it was only the house part, haha. I kinda figure that was some sort of tale to get me lost in the fantasy style sex.

In any case, he makes me FEEL really good so I don’t really care, I just take whatever he says with a big grain of salt and we seem to get along fine. He told me that first night that he is a bit of a “sex addict” and I had to agree that I am too. He says even with all the women he’s been with that I stand out because most women wouldn’t do what I did and just walk up to his hotel and fuck him, lmao. Actually, here is the ad I originally responded to 😉 I am a naughty girl. 🙂

In town on business Tues. and Wed. and looking for some fun. Me, 6’1″, 205, athletic build. Black, well hung. Very sexual and gets my ultimate pleasure by getting a woman to reach her max multi-time. Has pics to share. (The title said something about fulfilling all my fantasies).

Well, he wasn’t lying and it definitely wasn’t a mistake!! I’ve never had that good of sex in my LIFE, ever. We’ve only managed to actually get together a couple of times so far due to logistics and flakiness on his part and difficulty travelling on mine, but I know someday it will happen again. He likes to randomly text and let me know he is thinking of me and he asks about the swinger parties and the Professor and sends an occasional naughty pic and vice versa.

Just so you all can get an idea of HOW GOOD he is, here is an excerpt of something I wrote after that first night together. This was less than a year ago and actually really the first time I’ve ever been able to have orgasms WITH a guy. I have had a lot of pretty good sex with very experienced guys and a lot of solo orgasms, but until him I’d never experienced this or multiple orgasms or vaginal ones. HE was/is AMAZING in the sack!! (So is the Professor, who is nearly as good, but objectively this dude TAKES THE CAKE- cookie? 😉 ha)

I am still trying to figure out what happened myself! Lol I think it was a combination of all of that, really. I mean he was really sensual and paying attention to all of me but in a very dominant and non-supplicative way. He was obviously really enjoying every minute of it too and that made me feel really good. He was dominant, but not aggressive or mean, which is typical of what I like in other guys too.

Anyway, it definitely helped that he was so amazing with his tongue and started out that way. I had never actually cum from oral before though I love it and many times have gotten close, but he made me cum like 3 or 4 times that way before actually having sex. He had my hips and legs pinned down where I couldn’t move away from him at all and clearly loved doing it. He was relaxed and didn’t appear to be rushing through it just to get to the “fun stuff” for himself, lol and no trying to get me in a 69 which id already told him I don’t really like because it is distracting and I like to focus. He did a lot of different stuff with his tongue and the pressure was just perfect, but didn’t use his fingers at all.

The sex-I don’t think I could even remember all the positions we were in, most were things I’ve done before but he had a way of hitting all kinds of different angles with his cock and would just keep going at one angle until I came then pause and start in on another angle! I didn’t even know that many angles existed lol, and I have been with guys who like to hit different spots but not to that extent. He even had me in some positions I’m not as crazy about normally and managed to make me cum like that. He did seem to like driving in too deep occasionally to where it hurt me but he would stop when I asked him to.

He had a lot of control and was holding me in ways where I couldn’t move most of the time. He wasn’t too rough, though he did bite my neck some and do a little hair pulling and spanking (but it seems everyone does that). Much of the time he was touching other parts of my body, running his hands all over my skin, kissing me, sucking on my toes or breasts, playing with my hair,etc. Very romantic-like. He didn’t cum for a very long time and just kept going and going. I’d cum and he’d ask if he’s got everything yet and id say yes! Lol and he’d just laugh and start something new.

The dominance was definitely a factor, though I’ve been with some pretty dominant guys before. Even when he had me on top of him he was holding me up against him (with my feet on the bed instead of my knees) so he could be the one doing all the moving. I am actually still sore from some of those positions (like my stomach muscles and thighs, not what you are thinking, ha) so got a good workout, lol.

oh, and he did that thing with his cock where he would push up against me and kind of grind around inside in a circular motion where his pubic bone or something was stimulating my clit at the same time. It felt amazing lol and every time he’d start to pull away there would be a bit of suction. No idea how he was doing that but omg!!

The way he carried himself was hot too, and very dominant and the way he would laugh and start going faster and making me cum more when I was begging him to stop lol

As for the tempo it was great, had some old school rnb in the background and just moonlight. He said beforehand he thought I’d be more comfortable with him the first time without all the lights.It was supposed to be a one night stand, but that didn’t happen because we both were liking it too much. The second time we had sex was even better, lasted over 4 hours and he made me cum so much I seriously thought I was gonna have a heart attack. He used my toy on me and went down on me while holding the vibrator part close to my clit. OH MY FUCKING GOD, all I did for about 20 minutes straight was cum, over and over and over again, lol.

At one point I swear I thought I was gonna have a heart attack he was giving me so many orgasms and I had to make him STOP. That NEVER happens, haha. No one EVER wears me out!! The funny thing is that not long before I met him I had been arguing forcefully on a forum I used to post on that it was “IMPOSSIBLE” for a woman to have 30 orgasms in one sitting and that if she was telling you that she was LYING and FAKING it. Well, I’m here to say that I was TOTALLY wrong!!! And sooo glad I was!! 😉 😉

We had also talked about the possibility of having a threesome with another female. With most guys I’m not that into the idea but with him I wouldn’t mind so much because I know I’d go home happy. He says he’s had a lot of threesomes with two women and knows exactly how to make it good for everyone. With how fantastic he is in bed I believe him, lol. We looked on Craigslist once and had some possibilities but not the time. One girl was pregnant and another woman was over 50 and wanted to bring all kinds of toys, including nipple clamps (yikes) a butt plug (um…never tried it) and strap-ons, ha. That was before I’d ever been with another female so it was like woah, slow down a bit, lol. I’m sure he still wants that though. We will see.

All this writing about it is making me want to sleep with him again, sooo bad, ha! We just barely missed each other recently when I was home having an early Thanksgiving meal with relatives. He kept trying to persuade me to sneak out to meet him and I said if he’d hurry up I could and my sister would even cover for me but he was 30 minutes away and as he was getting closer my family was packing up to leave and I had to drive my grandma home. So at 15 minutes away he had to turn around and drive back. Dammit! LOL We will manage one of these days again ;).

The ghosts of guys in the past

He stood at the foot of the bed, looking especially handsome with his shirt off, leaning in towards me, talking in a hushed tone of voice. I lay on the bed, waiting for him to finish undressing. I hadn’t seen him in years but it felt so right to be doing this again. We smiled at each other and kissed, me wrapping my arms around his neck, before there was a knock at the door. He got up, walking past the long wooden chest that sat against the wall. The size and shape reminded me of a casket. I looked out the second story window and down at the people milling about on the lawn below. Friends we’d partied with when we were younger were drinking and talking amongst a sea of unfamiliar faces.

The knocking became more intense and the door opened a crack. Someone was being very persistent, and trying to rattle and push the door open. “WAIT, I’m not ready yet!” shouted my friend, pushing back up against the door, but the guy on the other side wouldn’t let up. It was then that I realized he had a gun. The struggle continued with both men pushing against the door in opposite directions, then…

BANG!!!! I shot up in bed. My body was shaking, tears streaming down my cheeks. I hadn’t thought about him in years. It had been at least a decade since we’d seen each other and my life was so different. Why now? Why would I have a dream about HIM, of all people? Not that we’d ever had any kind of fight or argument, he just hadn’t so much as crossed my mind in ages.

My part- time minister husband was working his regular job that night and not at home. It was hard for me to fall back asleep in the dark. My mind was swimming with memories and questions. Had God awoken me with a dream like that for a reason? Was I supposed to pray for this guy, and the people I had known in the past? Maybe that was it. I buried my face in the pillow, trying to pray, trying to quell my racing heart and the feeling of fear that I couldn’t shake.

Two days later my sister called me. Had I heard about what happened? The guy in my dream had been killed two days before. Shot, at a party, and then beaten with the gun. All the people there had scattered, and left him to die alone. According to my calculations he would have been laying there, on the verge of death at the approximate time of my dream. It happened in a second story apartment. Chills ran through my body as his voice echoed in my ears “WAIT, I’m not ready yet!”

At the time of his death he was 28 years old. My mind flashed back to moments in the past. The time when I’d been sitting on the curb with him after his sister died. He was drunk and trying to call her on the cordless phone. It’s the only time I’d ever seen him break down and cry. He’d told me then that he knew he’d never live to be 30 and I kept telling him to stop saying that but he insisted it was true. He said he wanted to get out of the lifestyle he was living, the parties, the chaos and I asked him why he didn’t just ask everyone to leave now and he said he couldn’t do it.

Years before he’d said the same thing. We were lying in bed after having sex and I was imploring him to tell me what he wanted to do with his future. “Are you going to go to college?” I asked and he’d responded that there would be no point since he knew he’d never live to be 30. Unconvinced, I insisted that it didn’t have to be that way, that he shouldn’t give up and he relented and said he’d probably go to community college.

I wanted to attend his funeral but couldn’t. My ex-husband thought I should forgo all contact with the people of the past and that even thinking or talking about it was “glorifying Satan” and quite possibly tempting myself to return to my former sinful ways. Plus a wake was an evil Catholic concoction that was simply an excuse for drinking alcohol. I grieved in silence. My sister, who had only known him in passing, went with her then boyfriend and reported back to me. She kept me updated on the news the papers failed to report, the underground word on the street, the fact that he’d had large amounts of cocaine coursing through his veins and a recent drug deal under his belt at the time of his death.

I have to wonder what that dream really meant. Was he still alive when I dreamt it? Was he lying on the floor dying, his life flashing before his eyes and somehow I crossed his mind? Did he come to me for a reason, after his death? If so, why me? I’ve had many dreams that were eerily prophetic but that was one of the most vivid and real I have ever experienced.

What’s funny is that he and I were never what I’d really call “close”. We’d had sex on quite a few occasions, maybe a dozen times, but it was far from a “relationship”. More like fuck buddies and we were relatively emotionally distant from one another. Still I’d spent quite a bit of time around him and at his house, sleeping with other people and sometimes he was there with other girls too. Neither one of us cared or was jealous or bothered by it at all.

He was the quintessential “alpha male” of the pack. The guy everyone looked up to and respected as a leader. His house was the center for many of the wilder get-togethers and parties of my youth. He was also the biggest manwhore I have ever met! Upon his death he had at least 6 or 7 known children with different women, one of my sister’s friends was pregnant with his baby and another friend of mine had a teenage daughter that he never even knew belonged to him. I honestly think he had sex with at LEAST 2/3 of the females I knew in high school. LOL

I can trace many of my more debase sexual experiences back to him, though I hold no grudges. He was never mean and as someone described him in a newspaper after his death, was “always debonair with the ladies”. I even remember once walking into a room at his house, when it was full of people, and finding him sitting on the end of the bed, watching his 10 year old sister sleep. He said there was no way he was letting any of these guys near her and was determined to protect her. Unfortunately he was unable to protect her from her own untimely death at the age of 13, which was truly heartbreaking.

It’s funny how the people of the past and the experiences you have with them shape the person you are today. Every person I have had sex with, even the one night stands, hold some kind of meaning in my life. Granted there is at least one on my written list that I can’t remember who the hell he was for the life of me, but overall we become a compilation of those we’ve had sexual relations with. It defines how we ourselves become in bed.

The guy I mentioned above once asked me who was the best in bed out of all the guys I’d slept with (or more specifically out of the ones I’d slept with that he knew personally, aka “his boys”, lol). He begged me to be totally honest and tell the truth, so I did. Even though I knew he wanted me to say it was him I told him what I really thought, and that was someone else, his best friend. He took it well and didn’t get upset. Another friend of mine thought he was the best in bed ever, but I just didn’t. To me the sex was mediocre, yet there are a lot of things I never would have experienced had it not been for him.

I think the people in our pasts, like it or not, will always haunt us, whether it be for good or bad. Sure, we can rid ourselves of a lot of unwanted baggage but the skeletons are still there in the closet, the memories that hide within popping out on us in moments we never expected. One guy will do something that reminds me of someone else. We pick people that have mannerisms or sexual behaviors that are similar to those we enjoyed in the past. From that we develop a “type” and some of us are very true to that. There are things I expect from men that maybe other women don’t and kinks I’ve developed in bed that are carried over from other lovers. It’s interesting how it all works out.

I wonder sometimes if it isn’t easier for those who are virgins until they find “the one” and stay together forever because they haven’t had those ghosts to live up to. Yet at the same time I wouldn’t trade the experiences that I’ve had because then I would never have discovered so many turn-ons that I enjoy now. It takes awhile to really develop a knowledge for what YOU want sexually and that realization would be hard to come to without trial and error. In any case, I’m ever growing as a sexual being, even now and thoroughly enjoying the process, even when it involves Ghostbusting! lol 😉

Comparing lovers

Do you compare lovers? Everyone says they don’t. I have a hard time believing that. I wish I could say I never compare mine, but that would be a lie. Still, by “compare,” I really mean “contrast”. I notice their differences, but no one is coming up short. It’s not a competition. Each person brings something unique to the table and plays a different role in my life. None of the men in my life would be replaceable by one of the others. One of them alone couldn’t possibly fulfill the needs that get met by having several.

Contrary to popular belief (by a lot of men anyway), I don’t grade the guys by dick size. I’m not breaking out my ruler deciding who is best due to the extra inch or two he’s packing below the belt. Yes, I do know who has the biggest cock, lol, and I do enjoy it, but that doesn’t define my relationship to him or the amount of pleasure I receive during sex. It’s actually my fuck buddy, the person I’m the least emotionally attached to. He’s a whopping almost 9 inches and it’s thick. I can barely fit my mouth around it without having to make a conscious effort not to scrape with my teeth. He’s good in bed too, and can make me cum, but there are others who do it even more so, with less to work with. I’m not disappointed with any of them either. I absolutely love the sex and relationship with each and every one, for different reasons.

All of the men I am involved with know I am sleeping with others. The Love of My Life is somewhat of an exception in that we have a bit of an unspoken don’t ask/don’t tell policy, but he knows. We’ve both found evidence of one another’s lovers, we just choose to play inside of our little fantasy bubble where no one else exists. Not a lot of people would understand, but that’s okay because it works for us and we are able to get emotional needs met that we might not otherwise.

Anyhow, because they know there are other men in my life, there is a certain level of sexual competition. I fully admit I rather enjoy this phenomenon, lol. 😉 It can range from entertaining to super- hot, depending on the comments they make and their attitudes. Thankfully I haven’t seen too many signs of hurt or insecurity because THAT would make me feel bad. Mostly its “concern” over whether or not the other guys are fucking me right, lmao. Does he make me cum? Why was it over so quickly? Is he as good at using his tongue?

Sometimes they even start making comments in bed. “I bet no one else does *this* huh?” “Whose pussy is this? Tell me it’s mine. What’s my name?” I love every minute of it, lol. I’m all for any kind of competition that urges men towards being even better in the sack. I’m more than happy to stroke their egos too. And mostly so far it’s been the man who is the best at something that asks me if the other guys are as good at it so I haven’t really had to lie. I’m not gonna be all “well this guy is better than you at xyz” though. Usually they don’t demand to know things that directly (maybe they are afraid of the answers) so I can be vague if need be. They all make me happy in one way or another and are good in bed or I wouldn’t keep them around!

I have noticed that if I embark on a new sexual experience and they hear about it then everyone wants to try it with me so have to watch out for that. Like once I went to the swinger parties with the Professor then all the guys were wanting to go to swinger parties with me. I haven’t gone with anyone else but my fuck buddy even rounded up a couple that we may end up playing with sometime. If I ever have a FMF threesome with any of them I’m really gonna have to keep my mouth shut or they will ALL definitely want to. Ack!

Anyway, I was pondering over what each one brings to my life and they are all valuable to me.

The Love of My Life gives things to me emotionally that I really need at this point in my life. He’s known me since we were young and he understands me better than anyone I know. He knows many of the skeletons in my closet on a first name basis and still loves me. He GETS me in a way I can’t even explain. He gets my jokes and understands automatically the best things to say most of the time. He doesn’t misread me like other people sometimes do.

We have very similar tastes in music, movies, books and things we like to do. So if he recommends something to me or vice versa you can usually guarantee I’m going to like it. We can talk and reminisce about things and people for hours and laugh and laugh like I would with my sisters and brothers or close girlfriends. He’s almost like family. Speaking of family, I’ve slept with several of his family members in the past and he doesn’t hold it against me at all. In fact I’m pretty sure he’d defend me to the end if anyone said something bad about me. Actually one of my relatives had a child with one of his so we are technically sort of kind of related now, though we weren’t growing up. In any case our families know each other.

That brings me to a big one- he’s super protective of me. I LOVE it. I feel totally safe with him and I know he’d be livid if anyone ever tried to hurt me. We can express love and romantic emotions with each other to our hearts content and never have to worry about it meaning the things it means to a lot of people (marriage, long term monogamy, whatever). We have had our roller coaster ups and downs but that’s not what I’m talking about here. We don’t talk like we used to but I know if I need him he will be there and I can be just like we’ve always been.

Best of all, the sex with him is just special to me. He’s good in bed and I’ve never had someone “make love” to me the way he does. He really knows how to literally, make me feel loved, in the bedroom.

The Professor is a newer development in my life. I REALLY like him! Now that the “Love of My Life” and I don’t communicate near as much as we used to he’s really kind of taken over the main spot in my little male harem. He’s really good to me. He’s straight up about telling the truth about things and being open, which I really appreciate. He’s INCREDIBLE in bed and the dynamic between us is just really, really good. He’s very “fatherly” towards me and I’m someone that definitely needs that. He lives close by and he is just really sweet. I’ve never really had a guy who is such a gentleman and buys me little gifts and does things for me and just goes out of his way the way he does. It really makes me feel great. He’s very reliable and doesn’t play games with my heart and I like that.

The Married Guy is just the best sex on the planet. Seriously. He is!! Technically, he is the best sex I have ever had. If you count in the emotional stuff there are other people that are almost as good but no one can fuck me quite like that. I am SOOO glad I met him, even if he’s incredibly flaky. I know he has a hard time finding time to get with me. He just recently called and wanted me to drive 4 hours to stay somewhere with him for a few days while he’s on a business trip. He offered to pay for my gas. I totally wish I had that option, but no idea who would watch my kids for that long. I so would love to though!!!

My FWB is a unique one. He is interesting and fun and will take me out on dates and do stuff with me more often than some of the others. Occasionally the Professor does and sometimes others but he is more into spending time together than most. We will watch movies or actually DO things other than have sex and he bought me a little something for Valentines day last year which was a nice surprise. He’s a little rougher in bed than some of the others but I LIKE that I’m getting that from somewhere. 😉 He’s also a master at giving out compliments, lol. He really knows how to make me feel like he appreciates my body. Like once he pulled me up in front of the full length mirror in my bedroom and proceeded to go on and on about the things he loved about my naked body in detail, all while touching and eventually fucking me in front of it. I was blushing hot but I loved it.

My fuck buddy is the perfect fuck buddy! He really is. He’s super cute too and has a really great body (and huge cock), lol. He doesn’t get emotional but he hugs and cuddles for the proper amount of time afterwards to make me happy and he is all about the sex. He may be the only one with a sex drive as high as mine. We sometimes go a couple times in a row right after each other and he’ll say things like he wishes he could fuck me every single day. I like that. LOL I walk in the door and we just go at it, right away. No beating around the bush here! Haha

So what it comes down to is that they are all special to me in one way or another. Its nice to remember that because they are all seeing other women as well and I have to keep in mind that I’m sure I hold my own special place to each of them, even if I don’t know what it is I bring to their lives. Comparing doesn’t have to be bad, now does it? 😉

Friends and lovers, do we have to choose?

Two worlds colliding, lovers and friends, in the ultimate blender of relationship happiness. That’s the dream right? Just so many levels and shades of friendship to filter through while trying to figure out where you fit in. Are you fuck buddies, friends with benefits, stuck in the friend zone, “friends” to outsiders but something entirely different when you are alone? Maybe your friendship is your own illusion, created to keep yourself from falling for a co-worker or other off limits person rather than admitting to feelings that are beyond platonic. Or what if it’s your longtime husband or wife who is now your “best friend” but maybe not quite as sexually attractive to you as they once were, even though you are afraid to admit it?

I think sometimes in life we try to push our relationships into molds in which they don’t belong. We can’t be satisfied with what IS and rather try to contort it to fit societal standards. When I think of the best relationships in my life though, a lot of times they were outside of the box, sexual relationships that didn’t fit anyone’s idea of what I “should” be doing at the time, yet hold a special place in my memories today.

As I’m typing this right now, a guy I have fallen for recently and been having awesome sex with for the past couple of months is in bed with another woman. Most likely sleeping by now but nevertheless I’m sure they had sex. I’m strangely okay with it. Last month was another story, as jealousy and fear and competition with this other woman had overtaken my brain and made me say some things that I kind of regret. Not totally though, I’m glad I expressed myself because it caused him to make some changes in how he treats me during these rendezvous with her.

Lest you get the impression that I am sitting idly by letting him fuck other people while I do nothing myself, stop right there! LOL NO WAY could I handle it. In the past month I have slept with 3 other men and he struggled with that too. We’ve been really open about our sexual activity and who we have sex with and it has been difficult in some ways but I’m taking it day by day and appreciating the honesty.

This is going to sound really lame but I was actually a bit comforted recently by an episode of Barney I happened to see with my 2 year old daughter the other day (hey, I have an excuse here 😉 and talk about embarrassing confessions, but bear with me, lol, and yes I am referring to the big purple dinosaur). It was an episode about friends and how just because your friend makes a friend with someone else it doesn’t have to change their relationship with you. You are still unique and special just for being who you are. It got me to thinking how as adults we grow to think that romantic and sexual relationships are in a completely different realm and forget the basic tenets we learned as children concerning how to get along with others. We think having sex entitles us to become jealous and selfish and controlling of another person in the way we tell kids not to be with their friends.

I’m not claiming any special higher consciousness here and maybe I’ll get jealous again later or the next time he sees her but right now I am happy and content. I’ve had a horribly stressful day and it’s relaxing to take a break and NOT worry about what he is up to. I already know and he’s promised to keep in touch via text from time to time letting me know I’m still on his mind for the next couple days until she is gone. For the moment I am happy to just be lovers and friends and to let the chips fall where they may. I don’t know her or what he sees in her but I know he really likes me, and for now, that is enough.