This weekend I went on what was basically a blind date, to a swinger party. The guy who invited me was someone who found me last week on the swinger site. We had texted back and forth a little bit, but the only face picture I had seen of him, he was wearing sunglasses and standing at a distance.
Really, the only reason I considered going with him was because my other plans for the weekend hadn’t worked out. I had been kind of annoyed with his texting the week before. He had asked me to drive and meet him over an hour away and I wasn’t going to all that trouble for a man I’d never met, especially when it was raining sleet and the roads were questionable to drive on.
So I turned him down on that offer and since he wasn’t willing to come my way either, we didn’t meet. Still, he sent a few racy pictures. One was of his LIMP cock. I was like WTF? He said “you need to make it hard” and I was thinking “you need to make it wet” and briefly considered sending him back a pic of a dry vagina, a desert, or maybe some sandpaper.
Kind of a rocky start. Then he texted me on Friday night asking if I would attend a swinger party with him here in town. Well, I didn’t have any other plans yet and two of the swinger parties I MIGHT have gone to weren’t going to happen, so I said yes. I wanted to be doing SOMETHING fun.
Let me tell you a little bit about the other swinger parties and what happened there first. Remember Mr. Host? HE was having a swinger party too, but he didn’t invite me!!! He MENTIONED the party though, I suspect by mistake, the week before.
He had wanted me to come see him because I was supposed to be heading that way that weekend and I decided against it due to weather. After having recently gotten in an accident on the ice I am pretty leery of driving long distances when the roads might not be doing well, plus I have to cross several bridges on the way and those are kind of scary.
When I was 4 years old, we were driving across the country to Connecticut and hit a patch of ice on a bridge. The car spun around several times and almost went over the edge of the bridge. When it stopped, we were facing oncoming traffic. That experience is still lingering in my mind.
Anyhow, I wasn’t driving. Mr. Firm is up that general direction as well and his family was not feeling well, plus he didn’t think I should risk it. Mr. Host, on the other hand, was irritated with me. He later said “you could have made the drive”. Yeah, and risk my life for you? No thanks. He’s just not THAT important to me, you know? Plus, he could have made the drive down to see ME but didn’t even suggest that.
So he was like “I guess we can see each other at the party next week, but I really wanted some alone time with you”. Party? What party? I said I hadn’t gotten invited to the party and he said oh, that the one guy who sent out the invites must have “overlooked” me. PLEASE. He is the host of the party and HAD to have double checked. Plus, supposedly he wanted us to have a COUPLE profile and me to help him with them. I sincerely doubt I would just be “overlooked”. Whatever.
I didn’t give him any drama about it. It’s not worth my time and I don’t really care that much, but it is kind of insulting. He doesn’t invite Mr. Firm, and now me. The two coolest people at any of his parties by a long shot. 😉 His loss, lol.
The funny thing is he still wants to see me and have sex. I can venture a few guesses as to why he didn’t invite me. It may have something to do with the not so great interaction I had with his cousins the last time. Possibly it could be due to the one woman who always wants to sleep in his bed and her feelings. I wasn’t interested in sleeping with her husband (the old guy) and that could be a problem too. Mr. Firm said the Host may even have a different woman he wanted to invite and spend the night with him, and that is a possibility too.
If that were the case, there really isn’t anything wrong with it. It’s not like he and I are boyfriend and girlfriend or anything serious. We don’t even text much outside of going to the parties, though he has talked repeatedly about wanting to spend a weekend with me or doing something alone. He also has to pay my gas and that can get expensive. The last time it was $50 and the time before he gave me $100.
Even after claiming I was overlooked, he didn’t bother to send me an invitation. So I am pretty sure he didn’t want me to come. Only time will tell if he does in the future. Meanwhile, I was invited to ANOTHER house party up that way.
The other house party was being thrown by the brother of the first house party I ever went to. He was a guy I had played just a little bit with there, in a sort of orgy situation. We didn’t have sex but I think he fingered me, and I went down on his girlfriend. According to him, his girlfriend was super jealous and wouldn’t let him fuck me.
He’s not a bad looking guy, but man, he turned out to be NEEDY as fuck, lol. He was annoying the heck out of me over text and I finally had to tell him to quit. Like, he was sending me zillions of texts. He was demanding to know things like if this was going to be more than sex and callling me his “lover”. I was barely responding. Randomly, he would tell me things like “I am afraid of heights” and “I can’t swim” and I’m thinking duuude, it is way too early to be sharing this stuff. Plus he even said he was “anxious”. NOT a turn on. I was totally afraid he would turn into a stalker.
All of this is moot anyhow, because the weather was looking iffy for the weekend so I again decided to stay in town. This left me with fewer options and I said yes to the limp dick guy. Hey, at least I was going to a party. Admittedly the guest list wasn’t looking too hot though. There were a few “maybe” single guys but I wasn’t sure.
As requested, I showed up early, to his hotel room. Thankfully, he was nice looking in person. He is in the Army. Gotta love the “service” of the area millitary base. It’s always got a fair amount of good looking, in shape, fuckable men, which is more than you can say for this area in general. Ahhh…God Bless America. 😉
He wasn’t super talkative and I’m still thinking this guy is kind of an ass from our previous communications. Still, he wasn’t bad. We talked a little bit about the party and how it was going to go down.
He let me know right up front he wasn’t cool with me getting with any single guys there. He said it had to be an “even trade” and that if they didn’t have anything for HIM he wasn’t sharing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I’m used to being the bartering chip. I warned him that there might not be a lot of people where I was interested in the male half of the couple. He said we should have a “code phrase” to use for trying to gauge that, so we made one up.
Pretty quickly after that we got down to business. We kissed a little bit and he told me to take off my clothes. With virtually no foreplay (and without a condom!) he just rammed it in. I didn’t even have time to ask. Part of my bane with some guys is that I am virtually always wet. So they take this to mean I don’t need any preparation. Not that I need a lot, but still.
He kind of took me by surprise and he was sort of rough. He was ramming hard and fast. Right at the end he asked me something that sounded like “are you going to cum?” I couldn’t quite understand him and asked “what?” and he repeated himself but it was still mumbled. I was on the verge of having an orgasm, or so I thought, so I said “yes”. Bam! It was over.
He pulled out and wiped what looked like a drop of cum off the end of his dick. OMG, did he just cum inside me??? I was freaking out. I had been super wet already but it felt like he may have cum. It had all been so fast, I wasn’t sure.
I got up to take a shower. We didn’t talk much and I quickly glanced at the monthly cycle calendar on my phone. I should have ovulated a few days ago, plus I was feeling super horny then, but it was cutting it close. While I was washing my hair and body my thoughts were racing. I needed to ask him to be sure.
I stepped out of the bathroom. “Did you cum inside me?” He said “yeah, you said I could”. I said “I thought you were asking me something else”. I said “I’m not on birth control” and he was like “are we okay then?” I said I thought so but wasn’t sure. Yikes.
THANK GOD though, when I got home, I was able to check my fertility monitor and it said I am not currently fertile. I love that little thing. It’s like a tiny microscope where you can check your saliva or cervical mucous and see where your body is at. If you are fertile, you will see crystallization going on and if not, it just looks like tiny bubbles. So I’m pretty sure I ovulated the other day and am in the clear.
A midwife gave me this device years ago, before I even got pregnant with my first child. I was wanting to stop using birth control and go to natural family planning and this was the easiest, most awesome method ever. Of course to use it for proper prevention of pregnancy you have to chart your cycles for a few months to make sure how many days in you are ovulating. I have a general idea but my cycle has been kinda wacky lately.
For those that are curious, it is hard to find in the U.S. but the fertility monitor was made in Spain and is considered a 97% effective method of birth control, if used properly. I was able to predict accurately when I got pregnant with each of my children using this device. I still remember looking at it right after sex with my ex husband the time I got pregnant with my first child and seeing it completely covered with little microscopic “ferns”.
Here is an article about it Holistic Birth Control and here is a picture Fertility Tester. It was the only one I could find, though you might be able to with more digging, find someone selling one elsewhere. Note that they won’t sell to the United States…hmmm..conspiracy?
There used to be some other similar devices on the market as well, but they looked different. I suppose any microscope would do. It’s a shame Americans don’t get more information about stuff like this. Guess it wouldn’t make the pharmaceutical companies enough money.
Anyhow, I am pretty confident that I am in the safe zone. Years of using NFP has taught me to be more in tune with my body and notice the signs. I get really, really horny during ovulation, lol and that was earlier in the week. The confirmation of my fertility monitor makes me feel pretty good that I was right. Still, I was kind of in shock and it threw me for a loop for a minute there.
Onto the party. Hmmm…well, there weren’t a whole lot of attractive people there. There were an unusual amount of elderly folks at this one. We are talking full heads of gray hair. My guess is that some of these people were in their 70’s. Someone said the swinger party here that is usually for older people has closed down, so maybe that is why.
There were also lots of cowboy hats, country music and obese people. Not too unusual in this area, but not really my style. One of the highlights of the night was a naked jello wrestling match. The women were maybe 350 lbs a piece. The guy I was with said it reminded him of sumo wrestlers, lol. One of the women had blinking lights attached to her nipples. They were rubbing jello all over each other’s bodies and licking it off. He was not impressed and said that image would be hard to erase from his mind, lol.
With the party being kind of lame and people mostly sitting at tables, I was trying hard to cheer up my “date”. He knew one other woman there, that he had slept with before and known for 5 or 6 years. She danced with him once but left early. Another woman was trying to hit on him, but as he pointed out, she had no teeth! LOL
So I was flirty with him and he said I was the most attractive woman there, that no one else interested him at all. We danced and kissed and made out a lot and he seemed to open up a little more. There was only one other man there that I thought was a “maybe” though I didn’t say anything because he was single and never approached us.
What is funny is THAT guy hit me up on Sunday, over Plenty of Fish. He had apparently emailed me once before because I could see the conversation but I had never responded. I suck at answering people’s emails on dating sites and only do it once in a while, like if I have nothing better to do that night or the guy seems extra my type (like Mr. Firm).
He said he saw me at the party but didn’t want to offend the guy I was with by talking to me. Kind of funny, at a swinger party, but he was probably right. At one point the guy I came with left for the restroom and he claims when he came back 6 men were talking to me and giving him dirty looks. They were all old, overweight or unattractive so it wasn’t really a big deal, but he was being a tad possessive.
There was also this one guy at the party that people are always talking about. The Professor had mentioned him before and I have spoken to the man and seen him in action at other parties, but he just doesn’t do it for me. He’s some kind of doctor and constantly fucking one woman after another. A lot of people seem really impressed, but he’s not my style.
We got pulled into the sex swing room because he was fucking the toothless woman and everyone was like “you have to see this”. I don’t think my military friend was too impressed. He was like this guy is on Viagra or something. I’m amused by it but not really turned on. The guy is like a jackhammer energizer bunny, going, going and going, really fast and hard and he does a lot of grunting. Its fun to watch for a minute, just out of curiosity but I’m not a huge voyeur. More of an exhibitionist ;). I want to be in on some action (but not with him, lol).
At one point, the military guy pulled me into the hallway and said he wanted to fuck me there. Then he changed his mind and we went into the women’s bathroom. He had me bent over and was fucking me from behind. He was still pretty rough, though he lasted longer and didn’t cum. He said he didn’t want to cum there at the party and was saving it for later.
We finally went back to our room around closing. We talked a bit with a woman in the hallway who was fairly attractive and he invited her back to our room but she and her husband were waiting on another couple. Husband came out and wasn’t hot, lol. He didn’t even have to ask me about that one.
The rest of the night was mostly us having sex. It was a lot better this time and lasted way longer. He bit me a lot though, hard, and left some bruises. They aren’t hickeys but actual bruises and my shoulders hurt. I think from him gripping them really tight. There is a little, light, hickey on my neck but not really noticeable.
He kept saying no one had made him this hard in a long time and that he didn’t want to stop. 😉 It went on a looong time and was pretty hot, though he kept stopping when I was just about to cum, I think to prevent himself from doing so. Finally, at the end I came pretty hard, and so did he, on my stomach this time, though he had the nerve to ask if he could cum inside me again!
In the morning, after my shower, while I was at the mirror putting my makeup on, he came up behind me again wanting to fuck. He was having trouble with his erection and said he thought it was due to being spent from the night before so I’m not even sure why he was trying, but okay. I sucked his dick to get it ready and we had like a 30 second fuck before he again came on my stomach. He never did go down on me. Ah, well.
I texted him after I got home to say I checked and my fertility thing says I’m not fertile so we should be okay. He responded that was cool and said he had had a good time. I’m not sure, at this point, whether or not I will ever see him again, but I guess time will tell.