Tag Archive | hypocrisy

Backfired!

craigslist-ad

So the Professor is out of town tonight (coaching) and I’ve been playing around a bit on Craigslist seeing what I can drum up. This time it’s not a secret and he knows what I’ve been up to. He’s not thrilled, obviously, but he is accepting it. I mean, I haven’t seen HIM for a couple of weeks, at least not for sex, and well, I’m horny, lol.

He has come by here a couple of times. Once to surprise my kids and I with hot donuts for breakfast (he left them on the porch, not that I really should be eating them but it was a sweet gesture and they were good) and another time he bought new shoes for two of my kids who he knew needed some. So I know the man cares about me. He wouldn’t be doing random stuff like that otherwise and I love it! Still, the most I’ve gotten physically from him in a bit is a hug.

He’s been saying he didn’t feel well due to meds that he is still on for a prostate infection (thankfully it’s not cancer but not completely healed). So I guess he hasn’t wanted to have sex as much, but it is hard for me not to take stuff like that personally. I’m pretty sensitive after being married to someone for so long that didn’t want to sleep with me. He also had some kind of a cold or something going on and said he didn’t want to get me sick.

So I have slept with my fuck buddy once right before Christmas but that’s really been it and I’m climbing the walls over here, haha. On top of that, the Professor is in the city where that married woman he sees happens to live. He says they weren’t going to see each other though, because she was going to be out of town herself that weekend so it didn’t work out.

Anyhow, not knowing for sure what he was gonna be up to I felt more motivated to put out an ad. Hey, it’s quick and easy, anonymous and always gets a good response. I’ve only actually slept with I think 4 guys off of Craigslist but that’s where I found the married man and my fuck buddy, so 50/50 it has turned out to be a good deal and the other two guys weren’t bad at all they just didn’t last for different reasons.

One guy was significantly younger than me (22) and I just felt awkward about the age difference and couldn’t get past it and the other was this Latino guy that was really cool as a person and not bad in bed but I couldn’t get past the fact that he was OBSESSED with the fact he could still get milk out of my breasts. I mean it wasn’t just a passing fancy for him, it was driving him WILD and ooking me out more than a little bit. Otherwise he was a great guy but I let that drop at a one night stand too even though he contacted me several times after. The young guy is a waiter at a restaurant here in town and I have seen him since and he and I were texting and he looked all handsome and everything when I saw him but I just couldn’t go there. I’m clearly not cougar material.

I’ve figured out that any time a woman posts an ad in the casual encounters section looking for men in my city it gets flagged and taken down almost immediately. No matter WHAT it says. I find that really odd because men post really flagrant stuff on there and no one messes with their ads, but whatever. Any time I put up an ad it is taken down in about 30 minutes to an hour or so. Still, in that time frame I get about 30 responses, usually. At any given time you can look at the W4M section in the casual encounters here and it is either completely empty or close to it and that is why. I’ve seen other women’s ads suffer the same fate.

So I put up my ad and was honest to the Professor about it. I got the typical number of responses, most of whom didn’t fit the description I asked for but a few did. Then my ad was flagged as usual.

Meanwhile I texted and talked to two guys on the phone and have a couple that I have shared some emails with. I’m actually kind of picky about who I respond to because I don’t want to get guys hopes up, but both these guys were nice looking and seemed like they could be my type. One of the guys was at a hotel here in town and we had talked on the phone several times (after exchanging pics) and were supposedly going to meet then he disappeared and didn’t call back when he said he was going to. EYEROLL. That’s okay though. I was feeling a little iffy about him anyway. His pictures were cute but I KNOW I saw one of them before and I was thinking it was a guy who flaked out like that and even said so to him and asked if that was really his pic and he said yes. He claimed that I had told him I couldn’t meet before because I was going to a BBQ. I have no recollection of that but I guess it’s possible. Makes ya wonder though!

The other guy says he wants to meet but can’t tonight. Blah. That doesn’t help me a bit, lol.

The funny thing is that the couple of times I have put out ads I have gotten some of the same guys answering. Like, they make a hobby out of this. My fuck buddy has even answered me a couple of times by accident and I tease him about it, lol. He didn’t answer my ad tonight but I talked to him and he asked “where’s your boy?” referring to the Professor. When I told him he’s out of town he was like damn, you should have come here to be with me tonight then. I didn’t even know that was an option. The good thing about Mr. Fuck Buddy is he is ALWAYS in the mood for sex, lol. He’s as horny as me in that regard and I need to keep that in mind. Problem is he lives an hour and a half away, but he’s got a new job here in town that he will be starting soon, yay! I haven’t asked why he needs a job here when he’s already in the military and has work with that, but who knows.

So while I’m doing all this the Professor was seeming a bit jealous that I was looking. So instead of chilling at his hotel like he originally planned, he decided to go to a swinger party. I told him to have fun and he was like “you don’t really mean that”. I said it’s actually easier seeming when he is far away and not emotionally attached to any of the people. Still, now that I am here NOT doing anything and he possibly IS, it is a lot harder. :/ My plans for an exciting night totally backfired and now HE’S probably the one getting laid by someone else while I’m not. Ugh. He says he won’t stay out too late because he has to get up early in the morning but I guess we will see. He’s supposed to tell me if he does anything tonight.

Earlier, I had asked the Professor if he would feel better about things if I slept with the couple that propositioned me. He said maybe, it depended on how hot they were. I was like ok, is it better if they are hot or not?? And he said if they weren’t too hot it would be better. So I said they were average and he said then go ahead. WTF? In that case he said have fun, just not too much fun. LOL Actually the guy WAS kinda cute but she was more average. Anyway, they got back to me but it was later tonight so maybe someday, but not today.

What got me is he made a comment about how he’s “been good for a long time”. Good? What is that supposed to mean? Is not having sex “good”?? LOL Is he saying that I am holding him back from having sex with other people? That he feels he is doing it to “be good” to me? I’m not sure I want that because that’s the sort of thing that makes a person build up resentment towards the other person. Like, I am restricting his freedom, instead of him choosing to do it on his own. I don’t know. I was actually trying to encourage him to go ahead and go out tonight because I know it’s LESS difficult for me than some other circumstances could be. I’m hoping he will feel like he has gotten his and not be as upset when I sleep with my fuck buddy too.

Yeah, I still don’t really like it, but I’ll live, right? :p

I cannot tell a lie…

caught

Caught! Red handed, lol. The same day as I wrote my last post about feeling guilty hiding my activities with Mr. Fuck Buddy from the Professor, he found out! He questioned me and I couldn’t lie. Dammit!!

I suck at being a liar, I really do. I don’t know how the Hell I managed to carry on an affair while I was married to my ex- husband. When confronted with something I usually feel an overarching NEED to be honest with people. It gets me in trouble sometimes. I guess the reason the ex never found out was because he never asked, lol. I probably would have told him. :p

Anyhow, for some unknown reason the Professor just HAD to comment via text that he was surprised my Fuck Buddy hadn’t hit me up that day. So of course I went all George Washington and the Cherry Tree on his ass and had to come forth with yeah, he contacted me and I saw him earlier but didn’t want to bug you with that information while you were on your drive. He drives past the fuck buddy’s city every time he goes back home to visit and always has to comment, so maybe that’s what made him think about it, I don’t know. It’s funny because I could care less, I’ve never even been there but he’s always got something to say about it like “maybe I should stop by and see your friend” :p.

He said he understood my reasoning, after a bit, but he was still upset by the fact that I had fucked the other guy. He wasn’t upset at me for doing it, because it is technically allowed and he wasn’t upset at me for waiting to tell him, but he was bothered by it just the same.

I’m not sure what, exactly, it is that upsets him honestly. I mean, he wants to be open. He wants us to swing. He wants me to accept his relationship with this married woman that he sees and who is in love with him. Yet, me fucking a guy that I have no emotional ties with whatsoever seems to really get to him.

This is one of those things I find really confusing about men. If there is no concern about the emotional relationship and you are generally okay with outside sexual activity for yourself, then why is it so hard when she fucks another man? What is it guys are thinking and what are they worried about? I mean, there’s not much chance this guy is going to snatch me away from the Professor, so why does he stress? What kinds of things are going through his head? What is he imagining? I’m genuinely curious! Would love to hear a man’s thoughts on the matter.

I do understand that it is easy to be hypocritical. It’s easy to want another person all to yourself while you want to sleep with others because you feel you can trust yourself but another person, maybe not so much. I tried to bring this up because the Professor was talking about how I got upset with him recently regarding the note from the married woman. Apparently he thinks that makes ME a hypocrite, since I turned around and slept with someone different afterwards. I can see that, but then he was saying during that time that all he really wants is a FWB relationship. So if that’s all you want, then I’m gonna have to fuck other people in order to keep my emotions in check. I’ve explained that but I’m still not sure he really understands where I’m coming from. Or at least he pretends not to. He kept saying he really didn’t get what I meant when I tried to point out that his actions were just as hypocritical seeming as mine.

So I just dropped the topic. Whatever. He HAS to get that, right? He has to get that me fucking someone isn’t any different than him doing so. That it is even less of a threat because I am not emotionally attached seems obvious to me. Or is it? How do men see this? I am so confused about what goes on in their heads regarding women and sex sometimes.

We are in an open relationship and I do understand that it still causes a person some emotional distress to know someone you like and are fucking is with another person. It does for me too. Still I sometimes get frustrated afterwards, feeling like I have to go out of my way to make him feel better because it bothers him so much when I do so. I do it, because I care about him and because I want my feelings understood as well when the shoe is on the other foot, but sometimes it’s tiring. He SAYS I don’t have to do that, but his actions seem to indicate otherwise.

Thankfully all was better by Christmas Eve and we were happy and talking like normal but it took him a bit to work through stuff. When I first told him he was upset enough to leave from his family for a bit and go out to walk his dog and text me to talk about it. I told him I missed him and he was like “this is not a great time to tell me you miss me”. Sigh… 😦 It makes me feel all guilty and bad like I’m doing something wrong or hurting him, but technically I’m NOT. He did say he wasn’t as upset as usual though.

Anyway, all is calm and bright now and I had a great Christmas! 🙂 I heard from all the guys I talk to except for the married one. I didn’t want to even tell him Merry Christmas because the one time we got caught texting each other was on Easter. :/ I figure I’ll leave his holidays alone and we’ll probably talk sometime again soon. 😉 The Professor gave me some cute workout clothes (I work out nearly every day) and a gift card to buy myself more stuff, yay! 🙂 He seemed excited about his massage school gift certificate too. He made a comment beforehand about the present I was giving him being the only one he’d probably get ON Christmas day. Hmmmm….makes me wonder about the married woman but trying not to think about that too much. Maybe she gave him something early but I’m gonna assume the best and that he’s not seeing her without telling me because with all his concern about me that would be pretty messed up! :p