Tag Archive | going with your gut

I should have known….and somewhere deep inside, I did!

intuition

He’s married! The CEO is married! Why am I not really surprised? He hasn’t admitted it to me yet but I found proof. I discovered a picture of him online, with his wife and her family, wedding ring clearly visible on his finger. It was taken just before I met him and posted on a relative’s Facebook page.

We are not friends on Facebook and his page is private, as is his wife’s, but I’m a good detective and I did a little digging. I’m not able to see who is on his friends list, but I could see that he and I have at least one friend of a friend in common, which was amusing. She had commented on a public photo of his. He’s friends with an old fuck buddy of mine’s WIFE.

Sometimes it pays to snoop! Just saying! I just KNEW he was too good to be true and my gut feeling proved me right, once again. Sigh…

I felt a little upset at first, but I’m over it. At least now I know and can protect myself from getting too hopeful that this is going to go anywhere. At best it will be a passionate affair.

We’ve slept together 4 times now and this last time I knew but didn’t say a word. It will be interesting to see if he ever slips up or tells me about it. I plan to sit back and give him some time.

All along, I’ve felt mildly suspicious but Tinder tipped me off because I could see when he was lying to me about where he was. Sometimes, when he says he is traveling, he is telling the truth, but others it shows him as being 11 miles away, at his HOUSE.

So there’s that, and the fact that he usually plans time with me around when he’s either just arrived home on the plane, or is just getting ready to leave. He always gets a very nice hotel, which is wonderful, but of course points to the fact that he avoids having me in his home! His excuse that his sister was watching his child there may have held up at first, but why would she be there when he’s just getting ready to fly off to another city? Shouldn’t she be with her mom by then? Yeah….

The sex is still through the roof amazing and I’m definitely not ready to give THAT up! I’m really finding myself liking him on a personal level too, which gives me mixed feelings about it all. If nothing else though, I know not to really trust him. You heard me say it! Now don’t let me forget….

I don’t know his reasons, I don’t know if his wife already knows. I mean, come on, she HAS to suspect that her high sex drive, super good in bed, hot, millionaire, traveling businessman husband is not faithful to her! I’ve seen pictures of her now too and she looks kind of mousy and quiet, like someone that would put up with whatever. I have to admit though, that if this guy were paying my bills, I probably would too…

He’s got no shame in putting his face out on public dating sites and he seems to avoid being seen in public with her much. Even one of the captions on a photo I saw of them together he just put “making appearances” and they weren’t touching. The one where I saw his ring they were, but she was kind of in the background of it all. It’s interesting to note body language.

On OKCupid, one of the questions he answered said he’d never been in love. I wonder if that’s true? How can you be almost 40 years old and never fallen in love before? Not even with your wife? It doesn’t make sense to me but I’m curious to learn more. I guess time will tell.

I understand the multitude of reasons why a man would lie about being married or even lie about being in an open relationship, if that’s what it were. Still, its dishonest and it makes me miss the Cohort even more. He’s really the only guy I’ve researched and found nothing but complete honesty to me. Even when it hurt, he told me the truth. I think that’s a big reason why I loved and still love him.

The Cohort contacted me a couple of weeks ago, via email and asked me to call him. He acted like it was important and I guess he went the email route because he had deleted my number to avoid temptation to get in touch. I called though, and he wanted to talk about bubble wrap. He wanted to ask me where he could get bubble wrap…seriously! I know for a fact he already orders it online for his business but he said he wanted to know where I got some that I gave him last year (it was from packaging on my kids toys that came in the mail).  It was obviously an excuse to talk to me.

He told me a little bit about what is going on in his life with car problems but things going well at work. He asked how I was doing and sounded a bit wistful. It ended there and we hung up. I didn’t hear from him on Christmas. My heart still hurts but I know I can survive without him and I feel like I made the right choice to walk away. I know right now, if he were to ask me to be with him for real, I would, but he hasn’t done that. I can’t hang around someone I care that much about and allow it to continue to cause me pain.

In other news, I went out with a new guy that I will not allow myself to see again. We had a fun date that ended up with him almost raping me in the back of his car. I was genuinely scared and that doesn’t happen often.

He is an executive chef at one of the big casinos here in the city. He said he used to work in New York and Washington and he only moved here 6 months ago. We met on OkCupid and over text he seemed a bit pushy at first. On the phone though, he was funny and I agreed to meet him at a very nice seafood restaurant for drinks and appetizers.

He showed up 20 minutes late and I was beginning to wonder if I should leave. I was sitting at the bar and didn’t order anything. He finally arrived, without any excuse. Now, I kind of suspect he did this on purpose, because after one drink they were about to close. We didn’t have time to order anything to eat.

He asked where the closest bar we could hang out at late was and they told him a place around the corner. When we got there he made a weird statement about how he goes there all the time. That threw me off a bit (didn’t he just have to ASK the bartenders where to go?). He also claimed to go to the seafood restaurant “all the time”. Anyway, we had more drinks and an appetizer at this jazz bar.

He was funny and fun to talk to, but super nosy. He was asking questions about who I was fucking and what was the guy’s name. He pressed and pressed until I finally gave him the first name of someone I am sleeping with (Radioman, who was the only safe option to say anything about and I see him regularly).

He immediately showed some signs of jealousy and was telling me about how he is going to make me forget about Radioman. Oh, and he also friend requested me on Facebook while we were out. He had figured out my last name somehow. I was a bit creeped out by this, but then you all know I do my own “research” so I was trying to be fair and not assume he is a stalker.  I accepted his request and laughed about his discovery.

I was slightly tipsy, but not drunk, when we decided to go home. I declined an offer to go back to his place but agreed to get in his car with him and “talk” for a minute because it was very cold outside. We got in the backseat and he proceeded to practically start ripping off my clothes.  I was a bit taken aback by how quickly he went there.

I told him to stop, told him no, told him I don’t want to do this and he just kept going. I was actually afraid and that doesn’t happen often. I had to be very verbally forceful to get him to finally stop. For a bit I there I didn’t think he was going to. He was putting his hands in my panties and saying he knew I wanted it, because of how wet I felt. But I didn’t want it. I didn’t feel good about him, despite the fun banter in the bar.

I finally was able to divert him from trying to fuck me by giving him a hand job. He came quickly and I was able to leave. Whew!

He called on the way home and apologized over voice mail. He said he was sorry and that he just was so turned on that he got carried away. He said he didn’t mean to be so aggressive and that he just lost control. Would I please give him another chance?

All that is well and good and I said okay but I really don’t want to see him again. He asked if I would and I said “maybe after the holidays”. After briefly contemplating giving him a second chance, I have decided there is no way! He is still on my Facebook, but I will probably delete him eventually. For now I plan to just blow him off.

I LIKE guys that are dominant, I LIKE guys that go after what they want and don’t ask. I DON’T like it when someone ignores my boundaries and plows on. If I am repeatedly telling someone STOP and they won’t, that is too much. Yes, I still gave him a handjob. I didn’t know what else to do to get him to back off because my words were not working. Obviously, he was stronger than me.

Even after all the experiences I have had, I still found myself in this situation. Sometimes I ignore my gut feelings about guys and I’m still learning to trust my intuition. Gut says he’s married, he probably is! It says to be careful, then WATCH OUT!

Now if only I could get my intuition to make sense when it comes to the Cohort. It’s still in confusion. I still feel like he loves me, even though his actions aren’t really proving that at all. It’s been 6 months and it really only feels like days since I’ve seen him. Maybe I will never see him again, but I just haven’t completely come to terms with that.