Tag Archive | fwb

Some Cohort Confusion

noteating_Large

Remember how I said things seemed to be heading towards more serious with the Cohort? Apparently he thought so too. In fact, he wanted to bring up a “discussion” about it. Sigh…

It was his idea to talk about this. He admitted that I had never given any real indication that I thought the relationship needed to go anywhere. He now says he regrets even bringing it up, that it was probably too soon and that he did so because HE was starting to feel emotions that made him think about me in that light.

Okay, but what he wanted to SAY was that he DOESN’T want the relationship to go anywhere. He said he’d been thinking about it and he just can’t handle it. He’s not ready to take on my kids or sure he could handle the whole swinger thing with someone he considered his “girl”.

He gave me some speech about how he thinks I am every bit WORTH all of that but he doesn’t think he can handle it. Then he said, who knows, he may change his mind later, he just didn’t want that expectation. THAT kind of pissed me off. I was like don’t do that to me. Don’t give me this talk about how you don’t want that then try to give me hope that things might change.

Anyhow, the whole discussion was REALLY upsetting. Mainly because I had never seriously allowed myself to even THINK like THAT. Not about him, not about anyone at all, since my divorce. I just assume most men are not going to want that kind of serious with me, due to the kids and general circumstances. Its a lot to take on. I don’t expect that at all, from anyone.

He brought all this up and made me think about things I don’t even allow myself to think about because I am too afraid to hope for it. It freaking CRUSHED me, to have him bring it up and dangle the thoughts in front of my face then turn around and be like, we can never have this because of the situation.

It’s not that I don’t understand. I do. I know all too well that it’s highly unlikely that most decent men would consider doing the family thing or anything close to marriage with me. I’m not saying this because I don’t think I am personally worth it, but because I have more than the average number of children and I know its a huge responsibility, both emotionally and financially, for anyone to consider.

Why did he bring this up?? He says it was because he’s been thinking about it a lot. That basically we’ve been behaving like we are already in a relationship, that he was seeing me as someone he could have a future with, because I’m like everything he wants in a woman, otherwise. Then he got to thinking about how we met (Craigslist! And the swinger site) and the whole swinger thing too and that kind of bothered him as well.

OUCH. 😦 The whole discussion just about killed me. I was crying over it for a couple of days. 😦 He said he felt really shitty even bringing it up because I’d never asked for or demanded anything of him relationship wise. He said he just wanted to be sure to remind us BOTH that its “just FWB”.

I felt like I was being rejected/dumped but he swears up and down that was not his intent. He says he would ideally like to keep everything we have the same. He still wants to hang out, have sex, go out to dinner or swingers parties, spend time together and have me help him with his business. All this, but without the expectation of “more”.

What’s funny is it’s not like I really EXPECTED that anyway. I would have been on cloud 9, yes, if he’d said he wanted that with me, but I’d never have dreamt of ASKING for it if he hadn’t said anything himself. Ugh. Just a bad thing to bring up, especially right before I started my period.

It made it even worse that he made a comment about how if he ever DID get into a serious relationship, it would be with someone like me. He said probably someone he just happened to meet, at a bar, on the swinger site, Craigslist or somewhere like that. I’m like nice, so now I have to worry about that happening at any time? Before I felt confident that he was really into me, but that kind of ripped it out from under my feet.

Emotionally I was a wreck. I was seriously considering having nothing to do with him again and decided not to go to this weekend long swinger party at the lake we had planned on. How could I in that state of mind? I’d suddenly feel threatened by other women and insecure, which would make it a bad experience for the both of us.

Actually, if he’d gone down by himself, at that point, I couldn’t have handled it either. I wouldn’t have been able to forgive him for making me feel like crap and then just walking away to go have fun and fuck other people, someplace we’d planned to go together, without making things right first. I would feel abandoned, whether or not it was reasonable.

I told him how I felt and that I wasn’t demanding he stay back or anything, he was free to do what he wants, but this is how it is affecting me. He said he would take that into consideration, and ultimately he decided to stay Friday night. He would probably go down to the lake Saturday, but he wanted to give us a chance to make up first.

We talked and decided we were both on the same page still and okay with doing everything we have been doing and no expectations. Feelings are fine and bound to be there but it doesn’t have to “go anywhere”. We’d still be free to act the same way. Both of us were relieved and done with the “relationship talk” for the time being.

Then he asked me out. We went to a jazz bar and had a good time, followed by dinner at a late night greasy hamburger joint. He spent the night at my house and we had lots of good sex and lots of laughs. He asked if I would still like to go to the swinger party with him and I agreed to come along. 🙂

The next morning we had more sex and showered and got ready to go. We went shopping together for alcohol and food and stuff for the trip, then headed that way. We had good talks on the way down but mostly avoided the whole relationship thing.

At the party we had a good time. There was no one there I particularly wanted to fuck, though there were some guys I definitely did NOT want to fuck. We had known that ahead of time and discussed some things about it, so it was all good.

He slept with three women at the party, once each, but spent a lot more time with me. I think we had sex about 5 or 6 times there, plus the few the night before and a few times after we came back home. He even said after the first woman he slept with that it made him want to be with me even more for some reason.

He was a little perturbed when a couple of men busted in on him having sex with a woman in order to ask if they could have permission to fuck ME. LOL They hadn’t even said anything to me at that point, but wanted to ask HIM first. Its amazing to me sometimes how much more respect guys will show towards another man in that situation, yet they will get all pushy with the woman when she’s alone. These same guys, once he said it was up to me, were hounding me a bit but I chose not to go there, even though they were trying to argue me into it while he was in the other room.

I just wasn’t feeling any of the men there that night, even though several asked. Him having sex with others mostly didn’t bother me at all. The only time I got mildly upset was when he made a comment about not knowing if he would have “anything left” for me at the end of the night. It rubbed me the wrong way for a minute and he didn’t like my reaction but we remedied that fairly quickly and he did have plenty left over, lol. :p

Oh and then Mr. Motorcycle happened to show up. Eeek! That was awkward. He came and tried to lay a guilt trip on me, saying he couldn’t fuck anyone there because he didn’t think they were as beautiful as I was. That really wasn’t even true as all of the women there were at least somewhat attractive and I’d say some were prettier than I am, definitely with better bodies. I’m less than perfect after having had kids. :p

So whatever. He didn’t stay long at all and maybe it did have something to do with me. He claimed he’s been pining over me since I stopped talking to him and I really hope that was bullshit. I hate hurting people’s feelings but he definitely was not a good guy for me, and he lied a lot.

There was one point where the Cohort offered to have a threesome with me and another guy but the guy was getting ready to leave. He was a younger guy, it was his first party, but he was actually pretty good looking. It could have been fun…damn. Oh well. I was glad that the Cohort at least was considering it. That could say good things about future parties, for me.

He said afterwards that he was a little concerned I hadn’t played. Mainly “concerned” because he’s still not sure how or if he is going to be able to handle it. He kind of wants to see how it goes down and how much it will or won’t bother him.

He said he really liked having me there with him, that he enjoyed the companionship more than anything else. If he’d been there by himself he’d have spent a lot more time alone. We spent a lot of time talking and making out, especially late at night. We slept in a room with several beds and other couples and people watched us fucking a couple of the times, so it wasn’t like I didn’t do ANYTHING.

We drank and talked and socialized with people and he commented later that he likes how friendly I am. He was a little concerned that people would automatically assume we are a “couple” because of how publicly affectionate we were but then said he really didn’t mind if people thought that. Some women expressed concern that I might be upset with him sleeping with them alone, but I wasn’t, same as the guys who wanted to double check before even trying with me.

I actually went out of my way to leave him alone for a little bit here and there so he COULD have a chance to be with other people. I wasn’t trying to spoil his fun or be monopolizing him the entire time. He still sought me out and wanted a lot of sex with me, so that made me feel good. I walked by him having sex with some of the other people and it really didn’t bug me in the least. I didn’t have any desire to join in or anything and once a husband beckoned me to come over but I shook my head no because I didn’t want to fuck HIM.

Not that the guys there were bad or anything. Actually a couple of the white guys might have been fuckable. I didn’t go there this time but no saying if I would or wouldn’t sometime in the future. It was nice to see some white guys who were not just sitting there being cuckholds and were actually getting it in at a party like this though. I think my viewpoint is a little tainted with seeing a lot of that lately.

The single black men that were there (this was an “interracial party”, in case that wasn’t clear) were not ones I was personally interested in fucking (I might have gone there with the young guy who left early, but the age thing does get to me) but they were fun to talk to. The Cohort was kind of surprised, and like, but so and so has a big dick. I’m like yeah, but I’m more about the person first and the dick second.

I’m trying not to fuck guys I’m not really feeling. I guess I’m probably even more like that when there is someone I really DO like there. Like, is it worth it when there is a chance it could upset him and I’m not really that into this guy? Nahhh… Now if Mr. Firm had showed up…I would have fucked him. He wasn’t able to come because he was coaching a kids game. Damn shame… 😉 Maybe next time. 🙂

Anyhow, I’m still a bit confused with the Cohort. I really, really do like him. I kind of wish he’d never opened that can of worms because it makes me feel like I am missing something. For now though, I’m just going to try and enjoy what we have going and not think too heavily about it.

Loving the “benefits” that come with this one

pocketing money

Let me tell you, there are some real perks to seeing a guy with money.  I’ve been spending more time with the Producer lately and I’m rather enjoying all the little “extras”.  It’s SO nice to be able to go out and do basically whatever we want, without having to worry about how much it costs! 

He’s been coming here twice, sometimes three times, a week and getting a hotel.  He has a house in his home city but travels south of here for work and stops through on his way.  However, his roommate situation down there is about to change and he’s decided to get an apartment here, closer to me, for when he is in town.

I admit I was a little concerned when he first mentioned wanting to move closer to me, rather than down where he is staying now. I guess it made me feel a little claustrophobic and worried that he wants more than a FWB thing.  He reminded me that he spends quite a bit on hotels here each week anyhow so it really would be more cost efficient for him.  That’s probably true, even if he gets one of these luxury apartments very close by.  For now, he’s on a waiting list for those and going to stay at another nice apartment across town. 

He had thought about getting a roommate here and a bigger place but every time he arranged to meet someone and they discovered he was black they bailed out.  He was getting pretty discouraged and finally decided it would be better to get his own place. If only they knew.  People are so stupid.

 He’s probably way better at paying his share of the bill and a better roommate than half the redneck white guys in this area.  This is admittedly a rather backwoods and racist area to live in though.  One of the women he works with, who lives on the expensive side of town, said that every time she’s had a black neighbor they’ve left within six months due to the way people act.  Despicable, but I am not all that surprised.

Anyhow, he’s moving closer and likely I’ll be seeing him even more.  That’s not such a bad thing and he’s still gone a lot to his other home and on constant trips across the nation and overseas.  So it’s not like he should be breathing down my back or anything, lol.  I do like spending time with him, just want my freedom to play with others as well, without any drama. 

So far that is actually going pretty well.  I haven’t had much chance to play with anyone else lately but I have been in contact with my Fuck Buddy and I’m pretty sure we will be meeting up again soon.  The Producer may not LIKE me fucking around with other guys but verbally he’s saying it’s okay because he is messing around with people too.

 He actually wants me to meet up for dinner with him and a woman he is considering sleeping with soon.  It’s her and her husband, who just wants to watch, and he says he wants me along because he thinks it’s a little bit of an odd situation.  However, after talking a bit with him over dinner last night, I think I’ve discovered the REAL reason, lol. 

According to him she is really into women too and he wants her to meet me. Surprise, surprise.  Men… sheesh. :p Anyhow, as long as I don’t have to sleep with her husband, maybe, I guess we will see.

I’ve been getting treated to a lot of dinners lately, and drinks, and he even took me to a concert the other night.  It was one of my favorite rap groups from back in the mid 90’s, lol.  Wouldn’t you know it, in this town, there was such a small showing of people it was ridiculous!!  There were like under 100 people in the venue.  It was crazy.  We are talking a group that was pretty damn popular back in the day and draws in huge crowds in large cities…at least ones where people have actually heard some rap music before, besides like, Snoop Dog (or is it Snoop Lion?  Is he even “rap” anymore?  More like pop, but whatever…)

We still had fun. 🙂 Because they apparently weren’t even expecting a big crowd, it was held in a place that wouldn’t fit a lot of people anyway, and we were right up close to the stage.  Oh, and while we were waiting through the mostly lame opening acts, we went and fucked in his car in the parking lot, haha…and afterwards in it again, in my driveway, when he dropped me home.  Bad, bad, bad…hopefully my neighbors were fast asleep… 😉

So here I got to see one of my dream groups from back in high school, all because I mentioned it offhand to the Producer that they were going to be in town.  He was like “then I’ll buy us tickets”.  It’s so easy for him!  I love that!! 😀 How am I ever going to go back to seeing guys who don’t take me anywhere fun and pay for it??  LOL

Oh and he bought go-cart passes for my kids and I because I had mentioned the other day we were there and I could only afford to let each of them ride one ride.  We’d been staying in a friend’s condo for a little vacation and it was fun but we were financially limited as to what we could do.  So he bought TWO passes for my family, which amounts to $240.   

He’s also taking us to get a couple’s massage on my birthday and I am excited about that!! Plus we went and saw “We’re the Millers” at the movie theater the other day too. (I thought it was funny, even if some of it was cheesy and over the top, haha)  I’m getting spoiled. 😉  He keeps talking about taking me to Vegas with him.  Ahhhh…the life ;).

Last night we went out to a bar with a woman we had met there previously.  She is another single mom and had shown up by herself. After we all got to talking, she took my number.  She called wanting to hang out and since he was going to be in town, we all went together. 

He bought us lots of shots and we had gone up to the jukebox to pick some music.  It cracked me up because she unknowingly picked a song that he produced, by the popular artist he has won Grammy’s for.  I went back and whispered that she had been the one who picked the song, not me, and he laughed.  He had told her he was a janitor.  I could tell she didn’t believe that one but it was amusing in any case. Later on he started name dropping when some guy who had his own band was talking to him and her eyes nearly popped out of her head.  I’m sure he probably gets a lot of women with stuff like that, lol.  Smh…

Right now what we have going on is pretty low drama.  I’m trying to keep it that way.  Obviously I’m a bit motivated by all the side “benefits” too, don’t wanna lose those, haha. 😉 I’m a little worried about the apartment thing, and hoping it doesn’t keep us from going out and doing stuff though.  He has dropped a couple of comments about how then I could cook him dinner.  Bleah.  Not that I don’t love to cook, I do, but I do it every day for myself and my kids so it would take the fun out of getting to go out, which is more relaxing.  It’s nice for me to be able to get out and get a break. 

Also, I’m a little concerned about what I am going to be able to do for HIM when his birthday rolls around.  There is no way I could manage to do anything comparable, price wise.  I may have to cook him dinner then, or something, but that still doesn’t seem like much.  It’s right before Christmas too, when I’m at my financial worst, trying to provide gifts for my children, one of whom also has a birthday at that time.  Guess I will have to worry about that when the time comes!!  In the meantime I’m making the most of what I can right now because who knows how long this will last?  Hopefully a while, but you just never know!! 

 

 

 

Sigh….

radar

So the Producer is texting me now, worried about whether or not I am fucking anyone else.  He’s not really been asking me that until now.  What does he have some sonar radar?  LOL  I’ve not acted suspicious in any way.  Plus, we are supposed to be just FWB, his idea.  He once claimed to have slept with some woman at a swinger bar since I met him. 

 

Anyhow, here’s how the texts went (totally out of the blue):

 

Him: So have you been holding out for me… Or has someone else hit it?  LOL

Me: Do you really wanna know?  Lol  Someone has hit it once since I met you.  How about you?

Him:  Since we last saw each other

Me:  Is that what you are asking or telling me?  Why do you want to know?

Him:  Asking…just curious

Me: Yeah

Him:  What makes you want to keep fucking me?  What separates the two situations?

Me:  Why wouldn’t I?  I just met this guy.  He is a swinger, lives in ****** and is in a long term open relationship with the mother of his child.  He just happened to be coming through.

Me:  I like you, the time spent together, the sex.   Has nothing to do with anyone else.

Him:  I gotcha…. was it good…lol?

Me:  Lol…It was fun enough.

Him:  I need to Men in Black ya… so you forget about his dick and the experience…Lol

Me:  Hahaha…what is “Men in Black” me? LMAO Never seen the movie….

Him:  Make you look into the baton and zap your memory.

Me:  Lol, I wouldn’t mind seeing your baton 😉 😉 😉

Him:  You sure..I’m not doing a good enough job keeping that pussy occupied

 

Sigh….  ugh…  Are men really even capable of doing the fwb/do what you want/open/swinger thing without jealousy and possessiveness creeping in?  Sometimes I have my doubts.  What’s funny is he never answered whether or not HE has been doing anything!!  He IS in another state and has been in a few over the past week or so and went to at least one pool party and said today he’d had “fun”.  Somehow I have the feeling there is a double standard in effect here. 

 

UPDATE: Suspicion confirmed….

I pressed him about whether or not HE had been with anyone and after a long time he finally answered.

“Yes ma’am. In *****. An executive from the ***** industry. It was a one time situation… Something both of us wanted to get out our system. And never crossed that line before but were at the pool party together and just hooked up afterwards… Lust”

I was like “see, and it wasn’t anything I did wrong. You just wanted to ;)”

He said that he never said he did….um, okay, hahaha

The Producer

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Last night I had sex with a man who was a Grammy Award winning producer.  He even showed me a Wikipedia article with his name in it. I double checked on Facebook and sure enough the name and picture matched.  I later talked with a male friend who lives in his city and he knows who this guy is. Kinda cool, I guess.  If you live in the U.S., I can guarantee you’ve heard the names of some of the artists he’s worked with, mostly rappers, but even some country music.

He’s not currently as involved in the music industry as he used to be.  According to him, his Brazilian ex- wife was extremely insecure and he moved away from all that to appease her.  Now he does some kind of marketing, which causes him to travel to a city about an hour and a half south of where I live for a few days each week.  On the weekends he is back up to a big city a few hours in the other direction, where he is from. 

In any case, I was actually kind of putting this guy off at first.  We met on Craigslist, of all places, lol and I was busy with plans with the Pilot and not all that excited about him.  I had responded to his ad and he seemed cool enough but some of his comments made me unsure. 

The main reason I responded was because of his description of sex which sounded hot and like he’d be really dominant in bed.  I made a mistake in thinking his ad had been placed in the casual encounters section when it was actually just the men for women.  During our first few conversations he brings up that he is looking for something more serious and I was like WTF?  Haha 

Thinking it was all about casual sex, I was surprised that he was asking me all kinds of questions about myself, like he was sizing me up for the long haul.  He made some comments that sounded a tad judgmental, like about not wanting to share his woman with anyone else and not risking his “dick falling off”.  Then he goes on to tell me how he did also have a casual ad placed, one where he was hooking up occasionally with couples, having sex with the wife.  Can we say “Madonna/whore”?

Add that he kept talking about how none of the women around here seemed to be able to suck his dick well enough, that they scraped with their teeth and didn’t have “good pussy” and I was put off enough not to consider him for a while.  Like, he’s criticizing THEM, what is he going to say about me??  I asked what “good pussy” entailed to him and he said having control of their muscles and knowing what to do with a dick.  Not very helpful. 

He went on to reminisce about how his ex-wife used to wake him up every morning with a blow job and how he missed that.  No one had been able to suck him to completion in a long time.  I’m thinking do I really even want to attempt this?  He sounds awfully critical.  Also, maybe not quite over the ex.

So after having made tentative plans with him, I cancelled and decided to wait for sex till I saw the Pilot over the weekend.  He knew I was going to see another man and asked some questions, acting a tad jealous.  I mentioned that we were swinging and let him know I was really looking for more casual sex right now.  Suddenly he was on board for that. :p

Anyhow, he was persistent.  He wished me a good time when I took off to see the Pilot and left me alone for a bit then reinitiated contact.  Finally, last night he invited me for dinner.  He said even if we didn’t hit it off in person, he’d be happy to buy me a nice meal and leave it at that. 

By now I was kind of horny again (it had been a few days since my rendezvous with the Pilot) and thinking that it was probably a good idea not to get too hung up on him.  I mean, I’m liking Mr. Pilot an awful lot and don’t want to get too attached.  For now, I’m NOT but I can see getting to that point if I don’t make an effort to fuck around.  Anyhow, I finally agreed.

The Pilot and I still text from time to time but it’s not constant and doesn’t have that “in a relationship” feel.  We have kind of checked in with each other each day but I’m still thinking more FWB.  At this point I am actually happy that we both have the freedom to do what we want without telling each other about it.  Having to report all my activities to the Professor caused some pressure and undue drama. 

The Pilot texted me when he got off work and we were talking about getting together again and having someone else take pictures. I sent him a few shots of the video screen that I took (like the one I posted yesterday 😉 ) and he wanted to post them to his swinger profile.  We flirted and chatted a bit and it dropped off shortly before my date, which worked out perfectly.  I would have felt guilty if he was still texting me, though there is really no need for it.

  I looked at his profile later (the pics are in a section where you can only see them if you are a paid member and he gives permission so I couldn’t see them anyway, lol) and saw that he was signed up to go to some swinger karaoke night last night too.  He may have but it doesn’t really matter to me, good for him because I was getting mine, lol.  I know he signs up for stuff he doesn’t go to sometimes too but in all honesty it doesn’t bother me a bit.

Speaking of the pics, I considered adding some to MY profile as well but decided that for the time being it would be best not to.  I know the Professor still looks at it sometimes and I’m not trying to rub it in.  Not that he hasn’t hurt me pretty badly, but I wouldn’t want him to do that to ME….so, not for now.

So anyhow, the Producer asked me to pick an “interesting” restaurant that was near me and had high quality food, so I picked a nice and fairly expensive, non-chain place that I have only been to once or twice before.  We ordered fruity Martinis and he got an expensive steak while I ordered a mid-priced pasta with bacon wrapped scallops and some sort of mushroom sauce.  It was very good. 

The conversation was alright.  Mediocre and a tad superficial but interesting enough.  He likes to name drop and I guess that goes with an industry such as the one he is involved in.  I really don’t follow a lot of popular culture so it’s just like yeah, whatever, lol. 

Afterwards he asked if I was wanting to continue on to a hotel and I said yes.  Hell, why not?  He said I know the area better so I picked the closest decent hotel which was a La Quinta.  It was actually nicer than some of the others I have been inside.  He got a suite with a hot tub and king bed.

When we arrived we talked for a few minutes and he said maybe we could relax in the hot tub.  He turned it on and got it going, expecting me to get undressed, so I stripped down to my bra and panties.  He was like “you are gonna have to get all the way undressed eventually” and had me lay on the bed while he pulled off my panties and went down on me.  It felt pretty good and he was fingering me a bit too.

Then he wanted a blow job.  I gave him one that lasted all of a couple of minutes before he exploded all over the place and on my mouth.  I don’t mind swallowing cum when I really like a guy but am not so much into it when I’m not and this guy hadn’t even kissed me.  He never did but I really didn’t want him to anyway, lol.  Kissing and swallowing cum are more intimate to me I guess. I swallowed the Prof’s cum a lot but I had feelings for him.

So much for it being a challenge to get him to cum with a bj.  He kept apologizing and saying he wasn’t expecting that, that it had been a long time since anyone had been able to make them cum with their mouth and he was surprised.  So we cleaned up a bit and decided to get in the hot tub.

We sat in there and chatted for a while.  He kept saying he’d really like to continue to see each other as friends and have a FWB situation.  I was still wondering if he was ever going to fuck me.  He asked what I thought of his cock.  Of course I was complimentary, lol.  It’s pretty thick but average length, maybe 6 inches.  He wouldn’t say how long it is, not that it really matters, haha.

He talked about how he wanted to take me places, like maybe concerts or amusement parks and just have fun together sometimes.  He said maybe I could visit his city.  I was still waiting to see if he’d recuperate enough for sex. 

 He said we could try and keep emotions out of it, that he’d had an issue a few months back where he was more emotionally involved than the woman and ended up getting hurt, even though it was originally his idea. We discussed that he’s never had kids and I told him I’m not on birth control.  He said he’d use a condom. 

Anyhow, we finally got out of the tub and he went down on me some more.  This time it was for much longer and much better.  I came and he said he loves eating pussy.  He put on the condom, complaining that it wasn’t a Magnum and he hoped it would work.  He wanted me to climb on and ride him but he went soft.  He blamed the condom and pulled it off, asking me to make him hard again.  So I blew him a few seconds longer, he got hard and turned around and went in without a condom!  I wasn’t expecting that but didn’t try to stop it at that point.

It felt pretty good and we soon got moved around into doggystyle where he pounded it really hard from the back.  At one point he slowed down and I was absolutely sopping wet and worried that he may have cum.  I don’t think so though because shortly after we stopped but he wanted sucked some more.  He again came on my mouth, trying to get me to swallow it but I kind of diverted it all. 

Anyhow, he kept saying he really wants to continue this so I don’t know.  It wasn’t FABULOUS but I did cum a couple of times and it could be alright for times when I’m not seeing someone else.  Guess Mr. Producer could be an occasional sidepiece, lol. I’d want to really push the condom issue though. He asked how often I slept with guys without a condom and I admitted to doing so without this weekend. He claims normally he wears one.  He texted me later that he had had a good time but haven’t heard from him since then, which is fine.  Don’t care to talk with him too much, so that works.

I had some mild guilt about the Pilot but it’s silly because he and I don’t have any kind of commitment thing going on.  I guess when I really like someone my natural inclination is to want to start shutting other men out. That would be stupid though because at this point it’s just a FWB thing and me doing that would cause me to get more emotional/jealous.  I really NEED to keep fucking other guys to keep my head on straight.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it… 😉