Tag Archive | friends

I am so a city girl ;)

Ahhhh….life in the city. Despite all the setbacks with moving here, I am loving it! It immediately felt like home to me, and the little suburb we are in just really fits.

I’m so close to all these things I’ve never had a chance to do or try, stuff that it seems pretty much everyone else living in the real world has done. I was so sheltered for so long, and even though my teen years were wild, I was still pretty young when I met and started dating my ex husband. I was married and had completely STOPPED drinking before I ever turned 21, lol. Some of the men I have spoken with here have been shocked that I’ve never been to a casino, a karaoke bar, a comedy show, or any of a myriad of other basics that I missed out on during all those years I was living in a radically religious environment.

I’m like a kid in a candy store, only I’m held back a bit because I have actual kids. So my time is limited. My responsibilities haven’t changed, though I do have family nearby and more options for babysitting. Even though I love to play, my children are still a priority.

Well, money holds me back too, lol, but I’ve been beginning to discover that there are seemingly men all around in this lovely metropolis that have plenty of it to share. 😉 In fact, I went out with a man yesterday who paid $45 to have my laundry done for me so I wouldn’t “have to sit in the laundromat” (my dryer broke and I am waiting on a new one to arrive). He also took me out to lunch and tonight he wants to take me to a casino, possibly in one of the limo’s he says his business owns. I’m assuming I get to play with his money, and he is getting a room there as well. ::: squeal :::

This guy is kind of an interesting situation. I met him on Craigslist, where he was looking for a submissive, white, female, but he is on the swinger site as well and I had seen his profile before (though there are no pics). It says he is 49, but I am suspecting he may be a little older. He was different, in that he wasn’t looking to play with married women, but only single ones. His swinger profile says something about wanting a poly relationship.

Over lunch he made a comment about another woman he is seeing. He later told me he would like for me to meet her, but that there will be no pressure to play together, its entirely up to us. He’s actually been pretty cool so far about being fine with me doing whatever I want as well.

He’s decent enough looking, if older, and owns his own business, which clearly makes some bank. He was talking about how he likes to do things for people and wants to know what I’m dealing with because he may be able to “help out” in some way or another. According to him, he told one woman he is not a “sugar daddy” but then he is kind of belying that with his behavior. So I guess we will see. I’m not trying to take advantage of anyone but if he wants to pay for stuff I am totally cool with that!! 😉

He even mentioned the possibility of buying me a new phone! Mine is having major issues so that would definitely be nice! I’m not getting half my texts and some aren’t going out. It is driving me crazy! It really messes up communication with people and kind of fucks with my abandonment issues (as well as others). I’m trying to keep my cool and figuring the people who want to stay in my life will, regardless.

His voice sounds an awful lot like The Professor’s. Kinda funny. In a way I sort of like that. I wonder what he will be like in bed??

I’ve not had as much sex as you might expect, so far, living here, but I have been super busy with life in general. I did sleep with the Host once since I have been here and most recently I met another new man. He is an interesting situation as well!

This guy, I also met on Craigslist. I did a little browsing and responded to a few different ads the other day. 😉 Turns out he is a guy who had ALSO hit me up recently on the swinger site. Damn, us sex addicts are always on all the sites, lmao.

Anyhow, this one I had actually responded to, and he had emailed back but we just hadn’t taken it further yet and then we met on Craigslist. Kinda funny. He too, was specifically seeking out white girls. What’s REALLY funny is that it turns out he used to date a girl I went to high school with!

She is blonde, short and curvy and has a very pretty face. I think she may have been a cheerleader. I remember her from back in the day because she was running around with some of the same crowd and dating some of the same guys that I was. We weren’t personally good friends or anything but I don’t have anything against her.

Still competing with the same girls I was in high school, for the same guys though, lol, how fucked up is that?? I’m in a totally different city, HE is in a totally different city than either of us, wtf?? Hahaha What’s even funnier is that very recently I have seen a lot of pics of her on Facebook, because she is working with one of my GIRLS from back in the day, peddling a beauty product.

This girlfriend of mine and I used to get into hella trouble, so I know she is no angel, lolol. In fact I had halfway considered getting her to come to some swinger parties with me when I ran into her again on Facebook. She is a tall, slender but curvy, black girl that is now rocking her natural hair and has always been a fashion queen. She used to CRACK me up at parties with her side comments to me about things people were wearing. Things I would never even notice, like the fact that some guy had come with a rope holding up his pants instead of a belt, lmao. She’d be all under her breath “would you check out THE BELT” and have me on the verge of spitting out my drink. Hahahaha

We grew up on the poor side of town and none of us had money, but her mom was a crackhead and her dad was homeless. Her mom had these giant wine glasses in the house that were the size of your head and we used to steal them to go to keg parties where you had to pay for your beer by the cup. Somehow we managed to get away with it, lol, and ended up with a free beer buffet.

She also used to do all her makeup at the store. Like, we’d walk in and she’d be opening up packages and just put on her face right there plus a little perfume. Haha… Somehow she never got caught and always ended up looking good. We’ve all grown up, but I’m not sure she isn’t still a klepto, especially when it comes to clothes.

I love her to death but I’m not sure hanging out with her at this point in my life would be a good idea, lol. I also know how she is about guys and she likes the pretty ones…really good looking but super conceited and complete assholes. I haven’t seen a whole lot of her “type” at the swinger parties.

Anyhow, this guy said he was with the BOTH of them this past weekend, his ex and my friend. He said they were at a bar and my friend got stood up by some guy and was pissed. Yep…I told you, she likes the assholes, lol. She even dated the guy I refer to as “The Asshole” in some of my other posts, a former fuck buddy of mine, for a bit. Never!! I couldn’t stand him like that! 

Not sure what that means with this guy and his ex/”friend” but I don’t really care. I told him just not to tell them where he met me and he was like “uh, same to you” LMAO. It did make him seem like a safer option than some of the other guys I had talked with off Craigslist and I ended up hanging with him. I even accidentally stood up another guy I had planned to meet later, at a hotel. Ooops!! I got a little occupied and totally forgot!!

He took me out for dinner and drinks at a very nice restaurant in the heart of the city. We talked a lot and I got a little tipsy and we went to a hotel around the corner. He ran in to see how much it cost and said it was a lot but he told the guy at the front counter “fuck it, it’s worth it” and paid. 😉

This guy working there was a trip. He was a young black man, maybe in his 20’s, with dreads. After the guy I was with went in the restroom, he kept asking me about what we were up to that night. He was like “you two are gonna kick it aren’t you?” alluding to the fact that he knew we were about to have sex. Well, yeah, no luggage, Sunday night…last minute…um…

Then I ran into the restroom and when I came out the guy I came with was like “that guy is really interested in you, and he kept asking me if we were going to ‘kick it'”. LMFAO!

In any case, the sex was pretty good. He was maybe not quite as dominant in bed as I would have liked but I did get to cum. He kept stopping right before I would cum several times and was trying to hush me a bit, which I hate, but whatever. For the most part it was good and he was good with his tongue and fingers too, which I haven’t had much of lately so I was enjoying that. 😉 He wants to meet up again later this week.

I’ve been talking to some more guys but I don’t have time to explain that all at the moment. We will wait until something actually happens. 😉

On the homefront

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So since I’m on a sex ban for a week until the antibiotics have had the time to work their magic, I spent Saturday night with my old friend from out of town.  We went out to eat with one of her sisters at a nice restaurant, then did a little pub crawl and got properly sauced.

We had a blast, despite the lameness of the bars in this town.  Not just the bars themselves, but the people in them, lol.  It seems around here there is an age limit to partying and it cuts off somewhere around about age 23, making us feel ancient.  This is so NOT true of the town we grew up in and where she lives now.  There the “grown and sexy” are getting their groove on well into their old age, or at least way past their 30’s!

Also, I never see anyone DANCING at any of the clubs here.  They just like, stand there and talk?  Boring!! I guess that’s why I don’t make any real effort to hit the town when I don’t have a good reason, like an outside visitor to entertain. Still, we know how to make do, haha. 😉 

Pathetic pickup line of the night: “my friend has a ten inch dick”, said by some 20 something kid while pointing at his friend.  Didn’t bother to find out if that was true, for obvious reasons. We did have some guy, who said he was 28, buying us drinks and trying to dry hump my ass and grab on me at the bar. 

Overall though, it was a good place to be when you are carrying an STD and can’t have sex anyway, lol.  I pondered whether or not that might be a good way to get random guys off our back if necessary.  Hey, sorry, I have an STD, lmao.  But no, I didn’t actually say that.  Instead we pulled the standard slipping off to the restroom disappearing act. 

We had a good time and I told her a little bit about my current lifestyle.  I mentioned the swinging and at first she was mildly surprised but then laughed and was like “sounds just like you were in high school”.  Yep… 

She says she is kind of jealous, I guess because it sounds adventurous and fun.  Who knows, maybe I’ll convince her to give it a whirl, lol.  I told her about my pole dancing class too and she was like “I so wish we lived closer and could take it together!!!” 

See, telling the people I grew up around that I am doing this kind of stuff is really no big deal at all.  My family probably would be shocked for a minute or two, then just have questions and be cool with it. I don’t think they’d really care all that much.  It’s the uber judgmental Christian folks I’ve been spending way too much time with, since I moved here and got married to a guy in ministry, that are the problem.  Hell, they act like if you are DIVORCED they can barely associate with you.  Ran into a girl today that was in one of my church groups and is still on my Facebook page and it was just awkward.  If only they knew….

I’m due to go home next weekend for a family member’s graduation and I am so excited!! It is going to be my first two nights in a row away from my kids, I think in the past 13 years.  That part is a little hard but I think they will be fine and I’m really hoping to get to see the married man.  He talked about getting me a hotel room. 

My period was 6 days late though, so I’m on it now and afraid it won’t be over.  Dangit!  Not sure that will stop him though, haha.  This is way gross, but I saw the other day on Facebook that he had “liked” some picture a girl posted that talked about how a real man wasn’t afraid to get a little blood on him or something like that and had a pic with a guy with blood all over his face like he’d been eating her out during that time of the month.  Yeah, I wouldn’t put it past him, lol.  Hopefully I don’t have to find out though. :p  Ewwwwwww…

Also, I was looking forward to seeing the guy I had the affair with and HE is pretty unlikely to want to hook up if I’m still bleeding, but he may still want to hang out.  He is a sweetheart.   The other day he sent me a text for Mother’s day that read “Happy Mothers Day Momma 😉  I miss and love you no matter the distance”.  Awww….   I miss him too.  He always knows the right thing to say. 

Sadly, from the Professor I heard nothing.  It’s been 23 days now.  Still nothing.  I guess I need to let go of the hope that there could ever be some kind of reconciliation.  I thought I was doing okay but broke down in tears again last night.  I’m sure I’ll hear from him again someday, but like most guys he won’t decide he wants to be with me until it’s too late and I’ve already done all the work of healing and don’t want to go back.  Why do men have to be like that?  Sigh…

That guy who gave me the flowers the other day is acting weird as hell.  I went over that one time afterwards and we kissed then I left and nothing.  So a few days ago I look at my Plenty of Fish account and he has emailed me saying how bad he wants me.  WTF?  I was like “did you lose my number?” and he said “I still have your number, you know, it works both ways dear”.  I said I figured if he wanted to talk he would call and he said he felt if I was interested and liked HIM I would hit him up too.  I just said “ok” and no response after that.  SMFH. 

I’m really not one to aggressively pursue men.  I don’t want to be with anyone who isn’t gung ho about being with ME.  Maybe I’m too sensitive about that, I don’t know, but the idea of chasing after men is really unappealing.  Why would I want to be with a man who didn’t want to PURSUE me?  Seems like that should be his job, I’m old fashioned like that, or something. Or I just like being chased, haha.  That’s half the fun, no?

I know some will disagree but ah well.  A wishy- washy man does nothing for me.  Plus it reminds me too much of my ex- husband, though he actually was the one that sought me out in the beginning too.

I wonder sometimes if the Professor might be hoping or expecting that I will reconnect with him but he’s the one that ended things so it doesn’t seem right.  I don’t want to look like a fool.  Nah, he hurt me.  It’s on him to make things better if he really wanted to, too much risk of re-opening the wound if I were to contact him and get rejected again.  I admit though that he is still on my mind a lot.  I don’t really understand how he could turn his back on me that way.  Guess he’s just a dick like the rest of them.  I can’t believe I thought he was so great.  I must be really fucking delusional or something.

In other news, I’ve been emailing with this couple off the swinger site.  They are rather interesting because the woman doesn’t really like to play with other women and doesn’t really want to do a full swap with a couple.  Their profile says MAYBE if the guy fit certain criteria that my fuck buddy would probably make.  So when they sent me an email I responded back and added that he might be someone she would like too. 

They didn’t comment on that but the guy wants to meet ME.  Sometimes he plays alone, but I guess at others she comes along.  So she might come along if we were to play and sit there and WATCH. 

I don’t know about this.  The idea of having sex with this guy (who is admittedly quite hot from the pics) while his wife sits there and observes just seems really AWKWARD.  Now I know how all these guys feel when the husbands watch and do nothing.  It’s just downright weird, lol.  Not sure I can do it.  I think I would feel really inhibited and shy with her watching and not participating and feel less like I could get into it with her husband because I’d be worried about how it would make HER feel.  Any women have any experience with anything like this before?

 

Friends and lovers, do we have to choose?

Two worlds colliding, lovers and friends, in the ultimate blender of relationship happiness. That’s the dream right? Just so many levels and shades of friendship to filter through while trying to figure out where you fit in. Are you fuck buddies, friends with benefits, stuck in the friend zone, “friends” to outsiders but something entirely different when you are alone? Maybe your friendship is your own illusion, created to keep yourself from falling for a co-worker or other off limits person rather than admitting to feelings that are beyond platonic. Or what if it’s your longtime husband or wife who is now your “best friend” but maybe not quite as sexually attractive to you as they once were, even though you are afraid to admit it?

I think sometimes in life we try to push our relationships into molds in which they don’t belong. We can’t be satisfied with what IS and rather try to contort it to fit societal standards. When I think of the best relationships in my life though, a lot of times they were outside of the box, sexual relationships that didn’t fit anyone’s idea of what I “should” be doing at the time, yet hold a special place in my memories today.

As I’m typing this right now, a guy I have fallen for recently and been having awesome sex with for the past couple of months is in bed with another woman. Most likely sleeping by now but nevertheless I’m sure they had sex. I’m strangely okay with it. Last month was another story, as jealousy and fear and competition with this other woman had overtaken my brain and made me say some things that I kind of regret. Not totally though, I’m glad I expressed myself because it caused him to make some changes in how he treats me during these rendezvous with her.

Lest you get the impression that I am sitting idly by letting him fuck other people while I do nothing myself, stop right there! LOL NO WAY could I handle it. In the past month I have slept with 3 other men and he struggled with that too. We’ve been really open about our sexual activity and who we have sex with and it has been difficult in some ways but I’m taking it day by day and appreciating the honesty.

This is going to sound really lame but I was actually a bit comforted recently by an episode of Barney I happened to see with my 2 year old daughter the other day (hey, I have an excuse here 😉 and talk about embarrassing confessions, but bear with me, lol, and yes I am referring to the big purple dinosaur). It was an episode about friends and how just because your friend makes a friend with someone else it doesn’t have to change their relationship with you. You are still unique and special just for being who you are. It got me to thinking how as adults we grow to think that romantic and sexual relationships are in a completely different realm and forget the basic tenets we learned as children concerning how to get along with others. We think having sex entitles us to become jealous and selfish and controlling of another person in the way we tell kids not to be with their friends.

I’m not claiming any special higher consciousness here and maybe I’ll get jealous again later or the next time he sees her but right now I am happy and content. I’ve had a horribly stressful day and it’s relaxing to take a break and NOT worry about what he is up to. I already know and he’s promised to keep in touch via text from time to time letting me know I’m still on his mind for the next couple days until she is gone. For the moment I am happy to just be lovers and friends and to let the chips fall where they may. I don’t know her or what he sees in her but I know he really likes me, and for now, that is enough.