Tag Archive | feeling cranky

You shouldn’t have….really…


I feel like an ungrateful bitch.  Mr. Motorcycle brought me a huge gift, telling me “Merry Christmas!!” but I don’t want it.  I feel bad, but I just really…don’t.

He had come over here the night before, when I told him of an issue I was having with my refrigerator.  Turns out a mouse had run behind it and gotten stuck in the fan, causing a loud, horrible, continuous, noise, followed by a really bad smell.  Ewwwwww…     

I suspected it was something like that, since I had been sitting in the kitchen and SEEN the damn mouse run back there and had just set out poison traps earlier that day.  Anyhow, I was very thankful that he offered to come remove it!  When I thanked him he actually said “my pleasure” and acted like it was no big deal.  Seriously, over a dead, nasty mouse?  Haha  I don’t think you could have paid me hundreds of dollars to get me to touch that thing, even with rubber gloves.  Well, that is one thing men are much more willing to do than women, I guess.  Hooray for guys!  It really was very nice of him.

He had brought along his 15 year old son.  He seemed like a good kid and was friendly with my little ones, who were showing off by roller skating and riding a tricycle across the house and trying to engage him in a discussion about various mythical creatures.  Chaos, lol, but what else is new?

Anyhow, his dad had him sweep out behind the oven and refrigerator after moving them and I held the dustpan.  This was bad news for me, since I am terribly allergic to things like dust mites and mouse droppings.  I’ve spent all day today sneezing and in utter misery despite taking two Allegra. 

Still I was very thankful.  I ended up having to ask him to come back today, because the freezer door was situated where it couldn’t open all the way and was bumping into a doorway.  I have a big side by side refrigerator that is too heavy for me to move and it hadn’t gotten put back exactly where it had been before. 

No big deal.  He said they would stop by after work.  He said our children seemed to get along well and his son had asked if he might take the kids to a movie sometime.  Hmmm…okay, that might be alright.

 I was thinking he probably just wanted an excuse for some time alone with me and asked his son to “babysit”.  I haven’t been able to hang out with him for the last week and a half or so, due to having my kids with me all the time.  We have plans to go to another party soon but in the meantime I was trying not to ask my ex to take them too often, since his girlfriend had gotten upset about it the last time we went out of town.

Then he mentions that he has a “surprise” for me.  I wonder what it could be?  He wouldn’t say.

I warned him that I felt like crap, was too sick to put on makeup and would look like death warmed over if he came to the door.  Apparently he was unconcerned.  He said “I’ve seen you without makeup before”.  Yeah, well, not when I am a sneezing, sniveling, red -nosed, watery -eyed, mess, but okay, enter at your own risk!

I was also on my period and though I haven’t explained any of this to him, I am still hurting from my anal adventure over a week ago.  Even though the Referee never managed to get his dick all the way in, it caused me to tear.  I also got a lovely infection, most likely due to him pulling out of my ass and heading straight into my pussy.  Thankfully, some over the counter yeast medication seemed to take care of that.

So I’m over here, not feeling the least bit sexy, and he wants to come over with a “surprise”.  I showered but didn’t even bother to dress in regular clothes.  I’m over here in jogging pants and a camisole.  I did drop the kids off at their dad’s house though, for a little while.

So he shows up at my door with his son.  They have backed the pickup truck right up to my front door, drove right across my front lawn.  He asks me to prop the door open and I see them bringing in something huge.  It’s the base to a large screen TV, with a cabinet on the bottom that looks like its doors are slightly uneven.  It’s covered with dust, and I’m already a wreck so I’m standing back a little ways.

Oh wow, this thing is really BIG.  It’s about ¾ the size of the entertainment center I currently have in my living room, which has a 32 inch TV in it, as well as shelves that I have filled with books and my Wifi box and several other things.  He mentions that it still needs another part, one that costs $40 and he is planning to order.  For now it won’t even work.

They start to set the TV on top of the base and I stop them as I run to grab some Windex.  He has his son wipe it down with a towel.  They put the thing together and start to push it right in front of my front window, while he tells me we can leave it there until he gets it fixed.

I’m like um, no, let’s put it over here on the other side of the room where it isn’t blocking my window.  He rolled his eyes and jokingly made some comment about “women” to his son, and how we are always particular about these things.  Well yeah, we are talking a giant box in the middle of my freaking living room, for who knows how long.  He said the part may take like 3 weeks to get here. 

He mentions that he has three more of these somewhere and is trying to get rid of them.  He wants to send one to his sister but it would cost more to mail it than to just buy a new one.  Poor girl.

I know he means well, but let me tell you a little something about me.  I absolutely HATE, with a passion, broken things and clutter.  I am a total minimalist.  I’m also very practical and much prefer books to television.  I virtually never watch it.  We have a tv, but it is used to watch family movies, Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, Wild Kratts and the Magic School Bus.  That’s pretty much IT, unless its college basketball season’s March Madness.  I went over 15 years without a television at all.

In order to keep this TV in my home I would have to get rid of my entertainment center.  That is where I am storing BOOKS.  Books I use for homeschooling my children and need easy access to.  I don’t have money for a new bookshelf.  I’d rather have a bookshelf than a TV any day.  When I got divorced one of the only things I was truly sad about losing was this huge, beautiful, cherry stained bookshelf my ex- husband and his brother had built for me.  I was in love with that thing and it would sell for a lot of money (though I would have kept it).  I gave it to him though because he made it.  Oh well.  He probably doesn’t even have it anymore!  Wah!! 😦

I just really don’t want this monster sized TV.  I’m afraid it could tip over on one of my kids.  It seems pretty sturdy but I do know someone who lost a toddler when their TV fell on top of him.  What with the roller skating and trike riding going on across my wood floors, you just never know! 

I don’t want the focus of my living room to be a television.  We have educational maps on the walls and lots of books, and again, it reflects my values.  TV isn’t one of them and I want to make sure my kids realize that.  Most of all, I don’t want to give up my bookshelf!  I can’t afford another one.  I also don’t know where I would put my WiFi and Netflix box and TV antenna and all the things that are on the top of that shelf.

Maybe I am just being a bitch.  I am sick and cranky and on the rag.  I’ve had a really rough week in other ways too, but this “gift” is stressing me out more than it is making me happy.  I’m irritable as hell about it.  Add that I feel there could be an unspoken “you owe me” tied into being given something so large and I really just want it to go away.

Sigh….  I finally sent him a text telling him I really appreciate him thinking of me but I don’t feel this TV is practical for me.  I mentioned the fear of it falling and that I wanted to keep my bookshelf. I said I didn’t think I had enough room for it.

 He definitely seemed hurt.  He was like “wow, ok”.  He said it would never fall.  I reiterated myself and was like “don’t be upset”.  After a long time he texted back saying he was confused and a little embarrassed but not upset.  I feel awful. 

I don’t know.  I guess I’m just not that thankful this Thanksgiving season.  I know he meant well.  The night before I had jokingly made a comment about my “old” TV and how no one would ever bother to steal it from us.  Some of the houses in my neighborhood have been robbed but at my place there really isn’t anything worth taking. 

I am okay with that though.  I really don’t want a big screen TV.  I told him not to be embarrassed; it was really sweet of him to think of me.  He hasn’t responded and I don’t know what else to say.  Part of me feels really bad but the other part just wants this thing out of here!!

 I know if he was really excited to give this to me it could really be hurting his feelings.  I so don’t want to do that.  I also know it’s not enough to keep him from wanting to take me to swinger parties in the future.  It also seems to tie in somehow with the whole “control” thing I have talked about with him in previous posts, though I can’t seem to exactly put a finger on HOW.  It just seems really presumptuous to bring something like that into my house without asking, no matter how well intended. 

So you all tell me…am I being nasty and unthankful ? Or was it kind of pushy of him to give me this “gift”?  Or maybe it’s a bit of both?