Tag Archive | dick size

Trying to keep it moving :/

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Well, it looks like the Professor and I are done seeing one another.  I’m still reeling from the pain and don’t really even want to write about it much.  Suffice it to say that we are “broken up”.  My heart feels like it’s been run over by a steamroller.

 He fed me all kinds of typical one liners about WHY.  He even said “it’s not you, it’s me”,” maybe we will get back together in the future when I’m ready for a different kind of relationship” and “this hurts me too”.  He claims that he still has feelings for me. Then I asked him if he valued the relationship he has with the married woman more than the one he has with me.  He said he didn’t until now, when I supposedly caused all the trouble by giving him drama about it.

 According to him the reason he got into the Lifestyle was to get away from drama and this situation with me has caused too much of it and is too much like a typical monogamous relationship. I love how he tries to pin all the drama on me as though he wasn’t doing anything to cause it, or giving  me any himself.  Ugh!  Well, he did admit that he has been getting jealous too and said maybe it all was more his issues (hence the “it’s not you it’s me” bullshit).  

I don’t know but fuck him.  I guess it’s time to move on.  I’m upset with myself for letting down my guard.   I really do have feelings for him and I’ve done a lot of crying and very little eating for the past couple of weeks. :/ 

I wasn’t trying to give him drama.  I really thought I was trying NOT to do that.  I felt like I was doing much better than I’ve done in some monogamous relationships but I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just not cut out for this open stuff.  It seems like if it had been handled differently it may have been easier but really it’s just a scary thing sharing someone you have feelings for, when you don’t have the reassurance that you won’t be abandoned for another person.  It seems like in this case all my fears were reinforced, because in the end I do feel like I’ve been abandoned for someone else.

I feel sick.   On the plus side there are still other men in my life.  In a shameless appeal for some attention from a few of them I decided to take a few new naughty pics and send them out.  Well, the idea actually hit me because the married man had contacted me late last night asking if I’d meet him halfway right then (yeah right).  So he and I exchanged a few pics and I was like fuck it, I’m sending these out to everyone!  Ha. 

I’d say it worked because the guy I had the affair with was trying to get me to set up a time for him to come down again, the fwb was talking about coming to visit when he gets back from Atlanta (where he is now) and got a couple other guys telling me they missed me.  Men are so easy. 😉

Anyhow, all the crying had left me with some pretty red, puffy, swollen eyes but I treated them with cucumber slices and ice and potatoes and decided to respond to a Craigslist ad tonight.  I exchanged face pics with a cute guy and agreed to meet up for drinks. 

After enjoying a margarita and talking for a bit we decided to head back to his place.  It’s actually very close to mine, like I could probably WALK there if I wanted to.  It might take like 30 minutes if I did but is a very short drive.  I didn’t tell him just how close by I happen to live but he knows the general vicinity. 

So anyhow we hung out and talked for a bit at his house.  He told me some crazy stories about how he moved down here from Chicago with some friend who got busted for selling large amounts of cocaine and now is serving life in prison.  I admit that had me a little concerned, but he swears up and down he had no part in this operation. 

In any case he was nice looking and clean and had a clean, nice townhome where he lives by himself.  He’s my age and said he’s single as the sunlight.  I think I made it pretty clear I was just looking for sex.  I admit my mind was thinking “one night stand” pretty much from the start. He doesn’t seem like someone I’d really want a relationship with.  He smokes and drinks quite a bit and smokes pot but didn’t lay claims to doing anything else.  Still, the stories were enough to keep me from wanting to go there with him! 

So I thought this will just be an NSA thing and maybe it will help me in my quest to get over the Professor.  I had just spoken with the Prof before I went to see this guy and we weren’t “completely” broken off until after, so he knew about it.  Honestly he kept popping up in my mind during the sex, so it was hard in that sense but I know I need to get over him.

So we finally made our way up to his bedroom and he went down on me and fingered me and it was pretty good.  THEN he took off his pants.  :/  Let’s just say it might make me recant my position on not wanting a guy with a large cock because I was pretty disappointed to see that he was fairly small.  Like, maybe possibly the smallest cock I have ever seen on a man (well, I’ve seen some pictures of small ones on the swinger site but not seen them in person).  It was not only shortish, but pretty thin as well.  He was black too, by the way.  Poor guy. 

Despite having a small cock, he really did make an effort to make the sex good.  For his size he didn’t do a bad job I guess, but my heart wasn’t in it.  I was still thinking of the Professor and hurting over him and I just couldn’t be fully present.  He made some comment about how I just kept cumming and cumming and cumming and I was thinking um, no actually I haven’t cum yet but I didn’t tell him that of course. I did get kinda close a couple times but I just didn’t get there.

He wore a condom, which is good but also lessens the feeling.  A couple of times he lost his erection too and was like “I shouldn’t have jacked off earlier today, I did it for like an hour looking at your pic”.  Um, okay.  He was on top a lot of the time but also wanted me to spend a lot of time riding him (my least favorite position).  To his credit he was able to last a long time, but it was probably too long.  I kind of wanted it to be over with. 

I also spent an inordinate amount of time sucking his dick, which he loved.  He was like “you are really skilled at that”.  Sigh…  Well, I mean it was pretty easy to get most all of it in my mouth so it wasn’t a big chore or anything but it took him a long time to cum.  He tried to go back in me without a condom once and I wouldn’t let him. 

Afterwards I jumped up to clean off and get dressed and didn’t give him a chance to try and cuddle or kiss me.  I did hug him goodbye and he kept saying he would love to see me again and he hoped I wanted to see him again.  I feel kind of bad because I’m not sure I would.  He was like “you aren’t answering that and it makes me feel kind of bad”.  Ugh.  I didn’t want to hurt anyone and now I feel like I kind of used him. He hasn’t contacted me since though so maybe he won’t. I mean, he was nice and everything but I’m not into him.

I also met a new guy last week.  It was when the Professor was out of town and I was going to see my fuck buddy to keep myself occupied.  This guy lived in the same town as he does, so we decided to meet for a drink before I went to go sleep with the fuck buddy.  He was actually a pretty cool guy, a couple years older than the Professor and I think could be good in bed from the way he talks.  He’s out of town until next week but we will see. 

At the time the fuck buddy was incredulous that some guy was willing to meet with me knowing I was going to leave and come fuck HIM right after, lol, but I did meet him on the swinger site.  As he was kissing me goodbye he was like “boy, he’s a really lucky man tonight I wish it was me” or something to that effect.

I’m trying to keep myself occupied and sleeping with other people until my head and heart are in the right place again.  I don’t want to hurt anyone but just trying to get my mind off the Professor.  This stuff with him the past couple weeks has just left me feeling really broken.  I guess I should have known it would end eventually but I feel blindsided by it all.  I was finally admitting to myself that I was falling in love and then this….:(

 

 

 

 

Big black men… is it true?

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First of all, beware that this is a racially charged topic. I think it’s important to realize that ALL people, whether we are black, white, or whatever hold some stereotypes in our minds and sometimes there is a grain of truth behind them but that DOESN’T mean we can make blanket assumptions about EVERY person that belongs to that group. You just can’t, because even if a stereotype holds somewhat true there are always exceptions to the rule. I also hope we can discuss this like mature adults without insults towards any group of people. With that said, come on, let’s drop the worries about being politically correct too. If we can’t be open and discuss varying experiences then it actually BREEDS racism because being afraid to TALK about things from different viewpoints is what keeps folks in the dark and leaves them to their wild imaginations, reinforcing negative ideas, fear, and hatred of others.

Also, realize that although I am white myself I grew up in a home where I was the only all white kid and I am used to what might sometimes seem like wildly inappropriate jokes about “white people” and “black people”, lol. So forgive me if sometimes I seem like I’m doing the very thing I am preaching against! Haha… I’m not really a racist at all and in fact it is one of my pet peeves although some of the stuff I say in this blog might come across as otherwise to people who don’t understand where I am coming from.

Okay, done with the lecture, let’s get to the real topic at hand and the question everyone everywhere has been dying to know and hear about from a female who has had the opportunity to make some assessments, lol. 😉

DO BLACK MEN REALLY HAVE BIGGER DICKS???

The other day, at the last swinger party I attended with the Professor, we were standing in a room watching some people have sex when a typical country- boy white guy walked into the room and made a typically clueless statement and assumption about the Professor and the only other black man there. He was like “you guys are lucky because you have the big dicks” and started going on about how unfair it was that black men always have huge cocks. Of course this was said without having ever SEEN either of these men naked. How would he know that either one of them was sporting a huge package? He didn’t! But he thought he did because of all the “rumors” that this is true and due to who knows how much porn he has seen where black men with large penises are fetishized.

Now besides porn, there is the added practice in the swinger community of bringing black men in to have sex with white couples in a fantasy/fetish way that honestly creeps me the fuck out because it comes across as flat out racist. They call the guys “bulls” and “studs” and even have these parties that I have heard referred to as “mandingo” parties where they bring in black men to have sex with guys wives in order to feed into cuckhold fantasies and fetishes. Now, I’m not one to judge people for their fantasies, I just find it disturbing because the focus seems to be on the skin color of the participants and because of the attitudes of some of these white couples that any random black guy with a big cock will do.

It bothers me very much when I think of these men being objectified like that. However, they obviously don’t mind or they wouldn’t be doing it! And of course they get lots of sex out of the deal and what man doesn’t like that? So it is easy to see why the practice continues and not too many people are complaining. I mean, this is an activity where consenting adults are agreeing to do something so that is really their business. I once recently even saw a swinger party advertised as a “BBC Party” in a nearby city, and it was taking place in a predominately black area. Having a big, black, cock is definitely sort of a “novelty” thing for some.

I have had the opportunity to talk to a few guys who have been involved in this sort of exchange and it is interesting to say the least. Sometimes they seem to get off on the idea too, of course, though some guys, like the Professor, seem to find it odd as well and feel a little uncomfortable with it but go right ahead and fuck the women anyway. He has said he’s not really into the gangbang thing however.

I’ve known a few different black men that have told me white couples have actually PAID them to fuck the wife. One guy told me a man paid him to have sex with his fiancé while he watched and another guy mentioned having sex with a woman that he wasn’t very attracted to simply because her husband gave him $500 dollars. He said it wasn’t that bad and she wasn’t bad in bed even though she was kinda fat and ugly. Nice. I can see how this would be appealing to a lot of black men, especially those who aren’t doing well financially. I guess it’s sort of like women who have a sugar daddy, sometimes. These couples are taking them out on their boats and on vacations and giving them all kinds of privileges just to have sex with the wife. Again, they are doing this of their own choosing but it still seems exploitative.

So anyway, back to the question at hand. Do black guys REALLY have bigger cocks to begin with?? Or is this a myth? The Professor asked my opinion, kind of indirectly, after the conversation the other day at the swinger party. He was like “you’ve seen a lot”, which is true, though he doesn’t know my actual numbers. I gave him kind of a pat answer about it “not necessarily” being the case, though maybe on average they are a little bigger, which is true, but I didn’t want to delve into too much detail because I’m pretty sure he didn’t want to hear about other guys dicks that I have had sex with. I also thought it a conversation better not gone into over text because things can be misunderstood and misconstrued and he has shown some uneasiness at my past exploits before. SO, I focused more on being appreciative of his (rather well) endowment and you guys get to hear my thoughts on the matter instead! For now, lol, lucky you!! Maybe I will tell him more later if we are still talking.

I have personally slept with a lot more black men than white, so it’s not really a fair sample but I’ve done both. I’ve also ONCE had sex with an Asian guy, who was averagely endowed, maybe 6 inches, and a couple of Hispanic dudes who were both punching in at around 6.5-7. That’s all I’m gonna say about that because that’s really all I’ve seen, lol. I have also seen quite a few black and white penises that I haven’t ACTUALLY slept with, like guys I have given blow jobs to or a hand job at some point. Oh, and there was a guy that was a mix of Jamaican, Hawaiian, Japanese and white that I have messed with but we never had actual sex. Lucky him, he had it from all sides, lol, and I’d estimate him to be about 7.

Keep in mind though that I kind of suck at estimating things!! I may be hugely over or under estimating EVERYONE, who knows?? Once a girl and I who had slept with several of the SAME GUYS got into a discussion about dick size and one guy I thought was HUGE she thought was small. WTF? I was thinking he had like a 9 inch cock and she was like “are you kidding me?” I also thought he was GREAT in bed and he was my absolute favorite at the time, but she thought he sucked. Just goes to show how much sexual chemistry between two people matters and makes all the difference. If a woman thinks you are great in bed she probably also thinks you have THE BEST COCK EVER at the time! I know that is how I am anyway. Sometimes we even overestimate how big you are, like when we like you our emotions so color our view that it makes your cock grow in our head, lol. I also don’t consider myself a “size queen” because I am more interested in how he uses it than what he is sporting. It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean and all that. Still, my two current favorites in the sack both claim to be about 8 inches, and the Professor has commented that I “really like it deep”, so maybe I do like them kind of big. Hmmmm….

On that note, I will mention that I personally think there is such a thing as TOO BIG. The biggest guy I ever had sex with was 11 ¼ inches. HUGE, and I know his exact size only because OTHER guys were telling me that. They were all so jealous but they really needn’t be. He couldn’t even get it in all the way and it was awkward for him to maneuver and hurting me and the sex wasn’t all that good at all. I’d consider a cock that big something of a handicap, to be honest. He was biracial by the way, so no telling if he got that giant dick from the white side or the black, though I’m sure most in our society would assume the latter. I also slept with a guy once that had probably the shortest cock I have ever seen, maybe 4 inches, but it was so freaking wide I could barely get on it. It was like the width of a coke can, for real, and it made me tear and bleed and was so unpleasant that I never slept with him again. He was black.

Personal experience though, from a woman who has had sex with over 40 black men and at least 10 white guys and seen quite a few more, would say that on average the white guys ranged from maybe 5.5-8 inches and the black men were more like 6.5-9. So yes, slightly bigger. Still not a HUGE difference and really it correlates with the studies you will see on the subject.

When I was younger I had only heard the black men are bigger theory from black guys and I thought they were full of shit and just basically tooting their own horns. I didn’t believe there was any actual basis in fact. Even now, I have seen a couple of pretty big white guys so it does happen. I have also seen plenty of black guys that were in the 6-7 range and I’d even go so far as to say that is “most”. What kills me is that often black men who are a very nice sized will sometimes say they are “average” because there is this expectation that they are supposed to be HUGE. I also once had an encounter with a black guy that I couldn’t tell you whether or not was actual sex. It was dark and I was drunk and he put what felt like a finger inside of me and later claimed we had had sex to others. If we did then he had the smallest dick I’ve ever experienced and if that is the case I can only imagine how that might make him feel with all these high expectations.

Nowadays I hear a lot of white guys making the claim that “all black guys are huge”. I guess this is said out of jealousy to some extent but it’s also an unfair assumption to make. A lot of black men are just “normal” or maybe slightly bigger than average and there are even some out there that are on the small side. Not all white guys are average sized either, there are a few that are pretty darn big! That said I have been with a fair amount of black men that are in the 8-9 inch range. Maybe 15? I seem to be coming across it more lately and that probably has some to do with the fact that I have met guys off the swinger site (which attracts bigger black guys) and places like Craigslist where they are advertising that fact (like the married man I sleep with). Still my current fwb is pretty darn big too and I met him on OKCupid. It might appear that I am choosing guys based on their dick size, lol, or even on their skin color, but that’s honestly not it. I am attracted to certain traits like confidence and dominance and I think men with larger sized cocks seem to come by those more easily sometimes. It’s probably due to their self –perception, because men tie up their own worth into their cocks more so than I think women do. Also, my penchant for black men is really probably more a product of having grown up around more people of color than white folks and just feeling safer and more comfortable talking to them. It’s not a “fetish”.

Anyway, in conclusion, you can’t judge a cock by it’s cover. Don’t assume until you’ve seen him take off those pants that you know what he’s packing. I’ve also heard the myth that short guys have shorter dicks and that I can assure you is NOT the case. Most of the guys I have been with recently that are sporting 8-9 inches below the belt aren’t much taller than me (5’6”). There are all kinds of body shapes and cock sizes and I rarely meet a cock I don’t like ;). If I like the GUY I’m probably gonna fall in love with his cock too.

So don’t be so quick to stereotype. Yes there are probably more black men with bigger sized dicks than there are white guys overall, but that doesn’t speak to ALL. Yes, at the first swinger party where we had a six-some with two white couples the Professor was clearly bigger than both of the other guys but that again was an isolated case. I’m no mathematician but it’s probably SOMEWHAT more likely to be that way but, like everything else in life not a guarantee. The only thing I can guarantee you about black men is that they are all stubborn and bullheaded as hell if you get into an argument and you will never win. I’m kidding… 😉 Kind of…. (try and prove me wrong!! LMAO!!)

Comparing lovers

Do you compare lovers? Everyone says they don’t. I have a hard time believing that. I wish I could say I never compare mine, but that would be a lie. Still, by “compare,” I really mean “contrast”. I notice their differences, but no one is coming up short. It’s not a competition. Each person brings something unique to the table and plays a different role in my life. None of the men in my life would be replaceable by one of the others. One of them alone couldn’t possibly fulfill the needs that get met by having several.

Contrary to popular belief (by a lot of men anyway), I don’t grade the guys by dick size. I’m not breaking out my ruler deciding who is best due to the extra inch or two he’s packing below the belt. Yes, I do know who has the biggest cock, lol, and I do enjoy it, but that doesn’t define my relationship to him or the amount of pleasure I receive during sex. It’s actually my fuck buddy, the person I’m the least emotionally attached to. He’s a whopping almost 9 inches and it’s thick. I can barely fit my mouth around it without having to make a conscious effort not to scrape with my teeth. He’s good in bed too, and can make me cum, but there are others who do it even more so, with less to work with. I’m not disappointed with any of them either. I absolutely love the sex and relationship with each and every one, for different reasons.

All of the men I am involved with know I am sleeping with others. The Love of My Life is somewhat of an exception in that we have a bit of an unspoken don’t ask/don’t tell policy, but he knows. We’ve both found evidence of one another’s lovers, we just choose to play inside of our little fantasy bubble where no one else exists. Not a lot of people would understand, but that’s okay because it works for us and we are able to get emotional needs met that we might not otherwise.

Anyhow, because they know there are other men in my life, there is a certain level of sexual competition. I fully admit I rather enjoy this phenomenon, lol. 😉 It can range from entertaining to super- hot, depending on the comments they make and their attitudes. Thankfully I haven’t seen too many signs of hurt or insecurity because THAT would make me feel bad. Mostly its “concern” over whether or not the other guys are fucking me right, lmao. Does he make me cum? Why was it over so quickly? Is he as good at using his tongue?

Sometimes they even start making comments in bed. “I bet no one else does *this* huh?” “Whose pussy is this? Tell me it’s mine. What’s my name?” I love every minute of it, lol. I’m all for any kind of competition that urges men towards being even better in the sack. I’m more than happy to stroke their egos too. And mostly so far it’s been the man who is the best at something that asks me if the other guys are as good at it so I haven’t really had to lie. I’m not gonna be all “well this guy is better than you at xyz” though. Usually they don’t demand to know things that directly (maybe they are afraid of the answers) so I can be vague if need be. They all make me happy in one way or another and are good in bed or I wouldn’t keep them around!

I have noticed that if I embark on a new sexual experience and they hear about it then everyone wants to try it with me so have to watch out for that. Like once I went to the swinger parties with the Professor then all the guys were wanting to go to swinger parties with me. I haven’t gone with anyone else but my fuck buddy even rounded up a couple that we may end up playing with sometime. If I ever have a FMF threesome with any of them I’m really gonna have to keep my mouth shut or they will ALL definitely want to. Ack!

Anyway, I was pondering over what each one brings to my life and they are all valuable to me.

The Love of My Life gives things to me emotionally that I really need at this point in my life. He’s known me since we were young and he understands me better than anyone I know. He knows many of the skeletons in my closet on a first name basis and still loves me. He GETS me in a way I can’t even explain. He gets my jokes and understands automatically the best things to say most of the time. He doesn’t misread me like other people sometimes do.

We have very similar tastes in music, movies, books and things we like to do. So if he recommends something to me or vice versa you can usually guarantee I’m going to like it. We can talk and reminisce about things and people for hours and laugh and laugh like I would with my sisters and brothers or close girlfriends. He’s almost like family. Speaking of family, I’ve slept with several of his family members in the past and he doesn’t hold it against me at all. In fact I’m pretty sure he’d defend me to the end if anyone said something bad about me. Actually one of my relatives had a child with one of his so we are technically sort of kind of related now, though we weren’t growing up. In any case our families know each other.

That brings me to a big one- he’s super protective of me. I LOVE it. I feel totally safe with him and I know he’d be livid if anyone ever tried to hurt me. We can express love and romantic emotions with each other to our hearts content and never have to worry about it meaning the things it means to a lot of people (marriage, long term monogamy, whatever). We have had our roller coaster ups and downs but that’s not what I’m talking about here. We don’t talk like we used to but I know if I need him he will be there and I can be just like we’ve always been.

Best of all, the sex with him is just special to me. He’s good in bed and I’ve never had someone “make love” to me the way he does. He really knows how to literally, make me feel loved, in the bedroom.

The Professor is a newer development in my life. I REALLY like him! Now that the “Love of My Life” and I don’t communicate near as much as we used to he’s really kind of taken over the main spot in my little male harem. He’s really good to me. He’s straight up about telling the truth about things and being open, which I really appreciate. He’s INCREDIBLE in bed and the dynamic between us is just really, really good. He’s very “fatherly” towards me and I’m someone that definitely needs that. He lives close by and he is just really sweet. I’ve never really had a guy who is such a gentleman and buys me little gifts and does things for me and just goes out of his way the way he does. It really makes me feel great. He’s very reliable and doesn’t play games with my heart and I like that.

The Married Guy is just the best sex on the planet. Seriously. He is!! Technically, he is the best sex I have ever had. If you count in the emotional stuff there are other people that are almost as good but no one can fuck me quite like that. I am SOOO glad I met him, even if he’s incredibly flaky. I know he has a hard time finding time to get with me. He just recently called and wanted me to drive 4 hours to stay somewhere with him for a few days while he’s on a business trip. He offered to pay for my gas. I totally wish I had that option, but no idea who would watch my kids for that long. I so would love to though!!!

My FWB is a unique one. He is interesting and fun and will take me out on dates and do stuff with me more often than some of the others. Occasionally the Professor does and sometimes others but he is more into spending time together than most. We will watch movies or actually DO things other than have sex and he bought me a little something for Valentines day last year which was a nice surprise. He’s a little rougher in bed than some of the others but I LIKE that I’m getting that from somewhere. 😉 He’s also a master at giving out compliments, lol. He really knows how to make me feel like he appreciates my body. Like once he pulled me up in front of the full length mirror in my bedroom and proceeded to go on and on about the things he loved about my naked body in detail, all while touching and eventually fucking me in front of it. I was blushing hot but I loved it.

My fuck buddy is the perfect fuck buddy! He really is. He’s super cute too and has a really great body (and huge cock), lol. He doesn’t get emotional but he hugs and cuddles for the proper amount of time afterwards to make me happy and he is all about the sex. He may be the only one with a sex drive as high as mine. We sometimes go a couple times in a row right after each other and he’ll say things like he wishes he could fuck me every single day. I like that. LOL I walk in the door and we just go at it, right away. No beating around the bush here! Haha

So what it comes down to is that they are all special to me in one way or another. Its nice to remember that because they are all seeing other women as well and I have to keep in mind that I’m sure I hold my own special place to each of them, even if I don’t know what it is I bring to their lives. Comparing doesn’t have to be bad, now does it? 😉