Tag Archive | dating

Some Cohort Confusion

noteating_Large

Remember how I said things seemed to be heading towards more serious with the Cohort? Apparently he thought so too. In fact, he wanted to bring up a “discussion” about it. Sigh…

It was his idea to talk about this. He admitted that I had never given any real indication that I thought the relationship needed to go anywhere. He now says he regrets even bringing it up, that it was probably too soon and that he did so because HE was starting to feel emotions that made him think about me in that light.

Okay, but what he wanted to SAY was that he DOESN’T want the relationship to go anywhere. He said he’d been thinking about it and he just can’t handle it. He’s not ready to take on my kids or sure he could handle the whole swinger thing with someone he considered his “girl”.

He gave me some speech about how he thinks I am every bit WORTH all of that but he doesn’t think he can handle it. Then he said, who knows, he may change his mind later, he just didn’t want that expectation. THAT kind of pissed me off. I was like don’t do that to me. Don’t give me this talk about how you don’t want that then try to give me hope that things might change.

Anyhow, the whole discussion was REALLY upsetting. Mainly because I had never seriously allowed myself to even THINK like THAT. Not about him, not about anyone at all, since my divorce. I just assume most men are not going to want that kind of serious with me, due to the kids and general circumstances. Its a lot to take on. I don’t expect that at all, from anyone.

He brought all this up and made me think about things I don’t even allow myself to think about because I am too afraid to hope for it. It freaking CRUSHED me, to have him bring it up and dangle the thoughts in front of my face then turn around and be like, we can never have this because of the situation.

It’s not that I don’t understand. I do. I know all too well that it’s highly unlikely that most decent men would consider doing the family thing or anything close to marriage with me. I’m not saying this because I don’t think I am personally worth it, but because I have more than the average number of children and I know its a huge responsibility, both emotionally and financially, for anyone to consider.

Why did he bring this up?? He says it was because he’s been thinking about it a lot. That basically we’ve been behaving like we are already in a relationship, that he was seeing me as someone he could have a future with, because I’m like everything he wants in a woman, otherwise. Then he got to thinking about how we met (Craigslist! And the swinger site) and the whole swinger thing too and that kind of bothered him as well.

OUCH. 😦 The whole discussion just about killed me. I was crying over it for a couple of days. 😦 He said he felt really shitty even bringing it up because I’d never asked for or demanded anything of him relationship wise. He said he just wanted to be sure to remind us BOTH that its “just FWB”.

I felt like I was being rejected/dumped but he swears up and down that was not his intent. He says he would ideally like to keep everything we have the same. He still wants to hang out, have sex, go out to dinner or swingers parties, spend time together and have me help him with his business. All this, but without the expectation of “more”.

What’s funny is it’s not like I really EXPECTED that anyway. I would have been on cloud 9, yes, if he’d said he wanted that with me, but I’d never have dreamt of ASKING for it if he hadn’t said anything himself. Ugh. Just a bad thing to bring up, especially right before I started my period.

It made it even worse that he made a comment about how if he ever DID get into a serious relationship, it would be with someone like me. He said probably someone he just happened to meet, at a bar, on the swinger site, Craigslist or somewhere like that. I’m like nice, so now I have to worry about that happening at any time? Before I felt confident that he was really into me, but that kind of ripped it out from under my feet.

Emotionally I was a wreck. I was seriously considering having nothing to do with him again and decided not to go to this weekend long swinger party at the lake we had planned on. How could I in that state of mind? I’d suddenly feel threatened by other women and insecure, which would make it a bad experience for the both of us.

Actually, if he’d gone down by himself, at that point, I couldn’t have handled it either. I wouldn’t have been able to forgive him for making me feel like crap and then just walking away to go have fun and fuck other people, someplace we’d planned to go together, without making things right first. I would feel abandoned, whether or not it was reasonable.

I told him how I felt and that I wasn’t demanding he stay back or anything, he was free to do what he wants, but this is how it is affecting me. He said he would take that into consideration, and ultimately he decided to stay Friday night. He would probably go down to the lake Saturday, but he wanted to give us a chance to make up first.

We talked and decided we were both on the same page still and okay with doing everything we have been doing and no expectations. Feelings are fine and bound to be there but it doesn’t have to “go anywhere”. We’d still be free to act the same way. Both of us were relieved and done with the “relationship talk” for the time being.

Then he asked me out. We went to a jazz bar and had a good time, followed by dinner at a late night greasy hamburger joint. He spent the night at my house and we had lots of good sex and lots of laughs. He asked if I would still like to go to the swinger party with him and I agreed to come along. 🙂

The next morning we had more sex and showered and got ready to go. We went shopping together for alcohol and food and stuff for the trip, then headed that way. We had good talks on the way down but mostly avoided the whole relationship thing.

At the party we had a good time. There was no one there I particularly wanted to fuck, though there were some guys I definitely did NOT want to fuck. We had known that ahead of time and discussed some things about it, so it was all good.

He slept with three women at the party, once each, but spent a lot more time with me. I think we had sex about 5 or 6 times there, plus the few the night before and a few times after we came back home. He even said after the first woman he slept with that it made him want to be with me even more for some reason.

He was a little perturbed when a couple of men busted in on him having sex with a woman in order to ask if they could have permission to fuck ME. LOL They hadn’t even said anything to me at that point, but wanted to ask HIM first. Its amazing to me sometimes how much more respect guys will show towards another man in that situation, yet they will get all pushy with the woman when she’s alone. These same guys, once he said it was up to me, were hounding me a bit but I chose not to go there, even though they were trying to argue me into it while he was in the other room.

I just wasn’t feeling any of the men there that night, even though several asked. Him having sex with others mostly didn’t bother me at all. The only time I got mildly upset was when he made a comment about not knowing if he would have “anything left” for me at the end of the night. It rubbed me the wrong way for a minute and he didn’t like my reaction but we remedied that fairly quickly and he did have plenty left over, lol. :p

Oh and then Mr. Motorcycle happened to show up. Eeek! That was awkward. He came and tried to lay a guilt trip on me, saying he couldn’t fuck anyone there because he didn’t think they were as beautiful as I was. That really wasn’t even true as all of the women there were at least somewhat attractive and I’d say some were prettier than I am, definitely with better bodies. I’m less than perfect after having had kids. :p

So whatever. He didn’t stay long at all and maybe it did have something to do with me. He claimed he’s been pining over me since I stopped talking to him and I really hope that was bullshit. I hate hurting people’s feelings but he definitely was not a good guy for me, and he lied a lot.

There was one point where the Cohort offered to have a threesome with me and another guy but the guy was getting ready to leave. He was a younger guy, it was his first party, but he was actually pretty good looking. It could have been fun…damn. Oh well. I was glad that the Cohort at least was considering it. That could say good things about future parties, for me.

He said afterwards that he was a little concerned I hadn’t played. Mainly “concerned” because he’s still not sure how or if he is going to be able to handle it. He kind of wants to see how it goes down and how much it will or won’t bother him.

He said he really liked having me there with him, that he enjoyed the companionship more than anything else. If he’d been there by himself he’d have spent a lot more time alone. We spent a lot of time talking and making out, especially late at night. We slept in a room with several beds and other couples and people watched us fucking a couple of the times, so it wasn’t like I didn’t do ANYTHING.

We drank and talked and socialized with people and he commented later that he likes how friendly I am. He was a little concerned that people would automatically assume we are a “couple” because of how publicly affectionate we were but then said he really didn’t mind if people thought that. Some women expressed concern that I might be upset with him sleeping with them alone, but I wasn’t, same as the guys who wanted to double check before even trying with me.

I actually went out of my way to leave him alone for a little bit here and there so he COULD have a chance to be with other people. I wasn’t trying to spoil his fun or be monopolizing him the entire time. He still sought me out and wanted a lot of sex with me, so that made me feel good. I walked by him having sex with some of the other people and it really didn’t bug me in the least. I didn’t have any desire to join in or anything and once a husband beckoned me to come over but I shook my head no because I didn’t want to fuck HIM.

Not that the guys there were bad or anything. Actually a couple of the white guys might have been fuckable. I didn’t go there this time but no saying if I would or wouldn’t sometime in the future. It was nice to see some white guys who were not just sitting there being cuckholds and were actually getting it in at a party like this though. I think my viewpoint is a little tainted with seeing a lot of that lately.

The single black men that were there (this was an “interracial party”, in case that wasn’t clear) were not ones I was personally interested in fucking (I might have gone there with the young guy who left early, but the age thing does get to me) but they were fun to talk to. The Cohort was kind of surprised, and like, but so and so has a big dick. I’m like yeah, but I’m more about the person first and the dick second.

I’m trying not to fuck guys I’m not really feeling. I guess I’m probably even more like that when there is someone I really DO like there. Like, is it worth it when there is a chance it could upset him and I’m not really that into this guy? Nahhh… Now if Mr. Firm had showed up…I would have fucked him. He wasn’t able to come because he was coaching a kids game. Damn shame… 😉 Maybe next time. 🙂

Anyhow, I’m still a bit confused with the Cohort. I really, really do like him. I kind of wish he’d never opened that can of worms because it makes me feel like I am missing something. For now though, I’m just going to try and enjoy what we have going and not think too heavily about it.

Why do I “prefer” black men?

interracial couple in bed

This is one of those posts that has the potential to upset and offend just about everyone in some way or another, so I’ve been procrastinating, lol, but there have been a couple of times I said I would write it up.  So, here you go, in question and answer format. 

Most of these are real questions that people have asked at some time or another.  Don’t expect them to be politically correct and I can’t be responsible for other people’s thought processes.  Some, I find offensive too, but I’m going to attempt to answer them anyhow. I’m a big fan of DISCUSSING things rather than shushing people up and telling them they are wrong to ask. 

I’m writing it out in this manner because I think the assumptions people make can be really crazy and so far off from the truth.  Sometimes I understand why they might think a certain way and others I am just shaking my head.  Still, its not like everyone doesn’t wonder.  Maybe YOU were too afraid to ask ;). 

Ever since high school, I’ve been getting this:
Lovergirl, why don’t you ever date white guys?

Who says I don’t?  Why would they assume this?  Mostly it’s…white guys..who ask.  I guess its true, that even back then, the majority of the guys I dated were black.  Still, I’m a never say never kind of girl, especially when it comes to things like sex.  😉

Just for fun, I sat down and figured out the actual percentages for you.  Yeah, I was feeling like a nerd. 😉  This is the breakdown of guys I “count” as having had sex with (invoking the Bill Clinton clause-it doesn’t include oral).  Here are my pussy’s demographics:

Black- 75%
White- 13.23%
Asian- 1.47%
Latino- 2.94%
Mixed race- 7.35%

In every case the “mixed” group was a mix of black and white. 

Actually, the first guy I ever had sex with was white, followed by the second guy, who was Asian and then the third, who was black.  Bam! Bam! Bam!  Got that out of the way as soon as I could, hahaha. 😉  I’m playing. I honestly didn’t even think about it at the time, though now it is kind of cool to be able to say I’ve tasted the rainbow. 🙂

Anyhow, we’ve established that its not “never”.  I’ve always been kinda bugged by people who say they would “never” date someone of a different race, but it’s even more weird when you apply that to your own!  How can you block out an entire race of people from your sexual realm of possibility, and how lame is it to discount your OWN freaking race??  WTF??

Honestly, it bothers me when I hear black men say they won’t date black women and I fully understand why some black women get pissed.  The other day at the swinger party where I was talking with two women, a white guy (the one I had just given a blow job to, actually) walked out the door and they both commented that he was cute but they couldn’t fuck him.  The one girl said “I just can’t do white guys anymore” and the other agreed.  They were both white.  I kept my mouth shut but inwardly I was rolling my eyes.

HOWEVER, that said, I clearly do have a preference.  My general preference is black men.  That is USUALLY what I am attracted to.  It’s actually a very strong preference, as you can see from my numbers above.  I sometimes don’t want to admit it, like when the Professor was looking at my swinger site emails and noticed “you don’t even open the white guys’ mail!” That wasn’t entirely true though, I just hadn’t opened MOST of their mail, lol.

Is it because you hate your dad and are trying to get back at him?

This one is kind of entertaining.  Because, well, I didn’t really know my dad until I was a teenager and in the meantime, I had three stepdads.  The first one was white, the second was from South America and the third was black. 

I hated my third stepdad, and still do, but the last way I would try to “get back” at him would be to date black men.  So, hopefully that answers the question as to whether I would date that way because I was “close” to my stepfather too.  NOPE. 

If my black stepfather had been my only exposure to black men and I was one to assume they were all like him, I’d be a racist bitch.  It didn’t happen that way though, thankfully.  Maybe because I was around enough OTHER family members, who were also black, to not make those kinds of assumptions.

I always felt like I was treated like part of the family, for the most part.  While some of his family weren’t too keen on the fact that he was married to a white woman, they didn’t take it out on ME, because I was a kid.  I was just thrown into the mix with the zillions of cousins running around and really no one seemed to think much of it.

Is it because black guys have bigger dicks?

I’ve gone over this one in my post Big Black Men, Is it True?  So if you haven’t read that, head over there.  The answer is no.  That really has nothing to do with it at all.  When white guys tell me they are “black below the belt” it doesn’t turn me on.  I’m just shaking my head.

Is it because you fucked black guys at a young age and “once you go black you never go back?”

Again, I am a never say never kind of girl, remember?  Even after sleeping with a lot of black guys, I went away to an almost totally white college and guess who I fucked there?  White guys!  In fact, that is where I met my ex husband, who was white.

I get this question more from black men than white ones, actually.  What was really entertaining was after I first met my ex husband and went back home for the summer. 

When I first came back, some girlfriends and I went over to this guy’s house.  There were probably like 15 people over there hanging out.  Maybe 5 girls and 10 guys, all of whom were black (except me).  One of the guys asked who I was dating and I told them about my ex.

He thought that was crazy and announced “Lovergirl is dating a white dude!!!” Soon, the attention was all on me, while he and a few of the other guys grilled me right and left and totally made fun of that fact. 

He was like “you aren’t really dating a white guy, you can’t date a white guy! Once you go black you NEVER go back”.  The girls had to jump in “how can you tell her she can’t date a white guy??  She’s white!  You act like she’s black or something!!”  He asked “what’s his name?” and I told him his name and he starts busting out laughing and all the guys are “that is such a white name, hahahaha”.  I said “he’s white!” lmao “what do you expect??  You want his parents to give him a black name?” hahaha

The teasing went on for awhile, with the guys telling me he was probably cheating on me and me saying “no he isn’t”.  The girls were like “he’s not cheating on her!  He’s white!!”  and the guys were saying he was probably doing so right at that very moment.  :p  Then they threatened to call my ex boyfriend, the crazy drug dealer one, and tell him the news.  They were pretending to pick up the phone and I was all “go ahead!!  Why would he care, I’m not talking to him anymore anyway”.   

The whole thing ended with the guy whose house we were at telling me I “even look more white” and pretending to sneer at me, lmao.  Then he was like “you’ll be back…wait”.  Hahaha  I guess I can’t argue about that. 😉

Hold on, wait.  You have sex with all these black guys and then the guy you chose to MARRY was white?  Is this some sort of latent racism?  Did you think he was better marriage material and a better person to make babies with because of his whiteness?

No.  It wasn’t because he was white that I married him.  I actually always wanted to have a biracial baby, because of my little brother and sister.  When they were born I was a young teenager and took care of them all the time.  I thought they were the cutest things on earth and adored my younger siblings.  I totally wanted a mixed race baby, lol. 

However, I DID think my ex husband was completely different from all the other guys I had been with and more “marriage material”.  So this question gave me a pause for just a minute.  Why did I think that?  Was it more than just the fact that he had been the one to ASK me to get married or that his parents kind of pressured us in that direction?  I never dated any black guys whose parents were pressuring them to marry a white girl, btw, lol. 

If there was ONE stereotype I think I had in my head at the time regarding black men, it was that “black men always cheat”.  I know that this is probably unfair, and of course not always true, but it is what it is.  I’d grown up with that imbedded into my brain, mainly from black women!  Not to mention I’d had quite a few experiences of being cheated ON by black guys, including 3 who impregnated someone else whilst we were dating.

I didn’t want to marry someone who would cheat on me.  So I think in some way that probably DID factor into my decision at the time.  Now that I’m older and wiser I’d say everyone cheats, or they will, if they have the option.  If they have the option and don’t think they would get caught, years after being married…I suspect MOST men AND women, would cheat, black or white.

Shortly before I actually ended up cheating on my ex husband, I was emailing back and forth with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time on MySpace.  She is biracial and has 5 kids with like 5 different dads.  She was relaying a story of one of the dads, who had asked her to marry him and got her to come to another state and even gave her a ring, before she discovered that he was ALREADY married and had given her his current wife’s ring!  Nuts. 

She said “you’re lucky, you married a white guy, you don’t have to worry about him cheating on you”.  She went on to lament that she could never date a white guy herself.  I guess I’ll never know if my ex actually cheated on me but he did eventually fall in love with someone else, so there goes that theory down the drain!

Anyhow, sometimes I kind of wish I had married a black man.  For all the negative press black men get, I’m virtually always impressed by what great fathers the guys I see are.  I mean,  they go over and above, and I am so sad for my own children that they don’t have that.

I think a lot of black men, these days, make it a HUGE priority to be a good dad.  It’s like all their lives they have seen the negative effects in the black community and all the stereotypes and go completely the opposite direction.  I wish someone had drilled this into my ex husband’s head while they were knocking him over it with the Bible.  Sigh…

You must have a sexual “fetish” for black men.

I don’t think that is the case.  It’s true that I am more physically attracted, usually, to black men.  Why that is, I can’t say for sure.  I can say that there are plenty of black men I am NOT attracted to and that the ones I am, tend to fall into a very specific “type”.  So like any other “type” that a person has, mine is black men that fall into whatever attraction template I have.  Actually, I think I have a couple.  Most of the guys I see, look or act, in some way, like a man that I have liked previously.  I guess that is part of my natural selection bias.

I also prefer black men to date, not just for sex.  I tend to feel a lot more comfortable with black men and have more in common.  Maybe that is due to not having been around as many white guys growing up.  Even when I had the South American stepfather, most of the families we associated with were not white.  I sometimes have a harder time relating to white guys, despite being white myself.

Even with my ex husband, I never really felt “close” to him, whereas a lot of times I can talk better with black men and feel more understood.  Maybe it is because I don’t really have the same cultural background as most white men.  When I went away to an all white, country, college, it was actually kind of a culture shock for me.  The music, movies, and general attitude that I grew up with veered more towards black than white.  Not that I didn’t have white friends or go to predominately white schools, because I did, but at home it was different.

So what is it that you like about black men and why do you think you choose them?

This is the hard part, because I can’t write it without admitting to having some stereotypes.  I like to think I don’t, but I guess we all do to some extent, like it or not.  Here is the deal though, I have certain traits that I like and have come to look for in men.  In my experience, it is much EASIER to find what I am looking for in a black man. 

What I think it boils down to, is that I percieve black men as being more “Alpha” in general.  Before the white guys get too upset and disagree, let me explain.  It’s not that white guys don’t sometimes have “Alpha” characteristics or that ALL black men fit the description. It just seems, in our culture and at least, here in the U.S., that with white guys it’s something like 20% of the population versus 80% of black men.

Let’s say, for example, that I am looking for a man who is dominant in bed.  I go on a sex site and find 10 black guys and 10 white guys.  Probably 8 of the black men are going to fit that description, but only 2 of the white guys.  Since the majority of the population is white (and especially where I live now), if I just focus on the black men, I can get what I want a LOT faster and not have to filter through zillions of passive white dudes.  Plus, because there are few black men in this area, I have an even smaller group to narrow it down to.

Ever feel like you are totally overwhelmed at Walmart because there are sooo many choices to pick from, for something as basic as shampoo?  It’s like I don’t even know where to start and I don’t want to try each one to figure out if it (he) is what I am looking for.  Would be much faster to run around the corner to the place that only sells a few salon brands. 

Anyow, that might be a bad analogy because I usually do just grab a Walmart shampoo, lmao, and I like to try different ones. 😉  But hopefully, I’m making SOME sense. 

What are the traits that you associate more often with black men, that you like?

Well, we have established the more dominant part.  I think that tends to be true, both in and out of the bedroom.  Now get ready for the massive generalizations, but I find them to be mostly true in my experience.

In general, black men that I meet, are more likely to have some of the following characteristics:

Dress nicely (white European guys do this but in the U.S., white guys tend to think this is “gay”)
Take good care of their physique or are “athletic”
Meticulous hygeine
Clean freaks (I love this and you rarely come across black men that are slobs)
LIKE to talk about relationships, and sex (for some reason white guys don’t seem as interested in this a lot of times)
Less judgemental
More complimentary
Less emotionally reserved and more willing to talk about feelings
More protective
More of a gentleman in how they treat women
Less critical
More supportive, emotionally
Put more emphasis on family and ties to friends

AND…what I know you really want to know…IN the bedroom

More emotionally expressive and PASSIONATE
More appreciative of my body
More dominant and commanding
More sensual and “romantic”
Care more about my pleasure in a non-supplicating way
Less selfish
More experienced

OF COURSE-

There are plenty of lame black men out there too, but I do seem to be able to find what I am looking for more often and I do love the color contrast of dark skin on lighter skin in bed.  I’ve been with a couple of white guys that were good in bed but they didn’t open up as much.  I’ve also had a disproportionate amount of one night stands with white guys.  It’s like they are quicker to hit it and quit it or think of you as “slutty” afterwards. 

My other deal with the white guys I have come across on dating sites is that they seem to go to extremes.  It’s like they are either super passive or they go crazy with it and take “dominant” to mean rough, aggressive and MEAN, which I hate.  I once put out a Craigslist ad looking for a “freak” in the bedroom.  It was like all the black guys knew exactly what I meant but the white guys were talking about totally off the wall shit, involving all kinds of props and stuff that I would never want to do.  I don’t know, maybe that’s just part of the communication barrier I was talking about earlier.

I know some of you all are probably chomping at the bit by now, but these are just my observations, experiences and feelings.  Thoughts?

Loving the “benefits” that come with this one

pocketing money

Let me tell you, there are some real perks to seeing a guy with money.  I’ve been spending more time with the Producer lately and I’m rather enjoying all the little “extras”.  It’s SO nice to be able to go out and do basically whatever we want, without having to worry about how much it costs! 

He’s been coming here twice, sometimes three times, a week and getting a hotel.  He has a house in his home city but travels south of here for work and stops through on his way.  However, his roommate situation down there is about to change and he’s decided to get an apartment here, closer to me, for when he is in town.

I admit I was a little concerned when he first mentioned wanting to move closer to me, rather than down where he is staying now. I guess it made me feel a little claustrophobic and worried that he wants more than a FWB thing.  He reminded me that he spends quite a bit on hotels here each week anyhow so it really would be more cost efficient for him.  That’s probably true, even if he gets one of these luxury apartments very close by.  For now, he’s on a waiting list for those and going to stay at another nice apartment across town. 

He had thought about getting a roommate here and a bigger place but every time he arranged to meet someone and they discovered he was black they bailed out.  He was getting pretty discouraged and finally decided it would be better to get his own place. If only they knew.  People are so stupid.

 He’s probably way better at paying his share of the bill and a better roommate than half the redneck white guys in this area.  This is admittedly a rather backwoods and racist area to live in though.  One of the women he works with, who lives on the expensive side of town, said that every time she’s had a black neighbor they’ve left within six months due to the way people act.  Despicable, but I am not all that surprised.

Anyhow, he’s moving closer and likely I’ll be seeing him even more.  That’s not such a bad thing and he’s still gone a lot to his other home and on constant trips across the nation and overseas.  So it’s not like he should be breathing down my back or anything, lol.  I do like spending time with him, just want my freedom to play with others as well, without any drama. 

So far that is actually going pretty well.  I haven’t had much chance to play with anyone else lately but I have been in contact with my Fuck Buddy and I’m pretty sure we will be meeting up again soon.  The Producer may not LIKE me fucking around with other guys but verbally he’s saying it’s okay because he is messing around with people too.

 He actually wants me to meet up for dinner with him and a woman he is considering sleeping with soon.  It’s her and her husband, who just wants to watch, and he says he wants me along because he thinks it’s a little bit of an odd situation.  However, after talking a bit with him over dinner last night, I think I’ve discovered the REAL reason, lol. 

According to him she is really into women too and he wants her to meet me. Surprise, surprise.  Men… sheesh. :p Anyhow, as long as I don’t have to sleep with her husband, maybe, I guess we will see.

I’ve been getting treated to a lot of dinners lately, and drinks, and he even took me to a concert the other night.  It was one of my favorite rap groups from back in the mid 90’s, lol.  Wouldn’t you know it, in this town, there was such a small showing of people it was ridiculous!!  There were like under 100 people in the venue.  It was crazy.  We are talking a group that was pretty damn popular back in the day and draws in huge crowds in large cities…at least ones where people have actually heard some rap music before, besides like, Snoop Dog (or is it Snoop Lion?  Is he even “rap” anymore?  More like pop, but whatever…)

We still had fun. 🙂 Because they apparently weren’t even expecting a big crowd, it was held in a place that wouldn’t fit a lot of people anyway, and we were right up close to the stage.  Oh, and while we were waiting through the mostly lame opening acts, we went and fucked in his car in the parking lot, haha…and afterwards in it again, in my driveway, when he dropped me home.  Bad, bad, bad…hopefully my neighbors were fast asleep… 😉

So here I got to see one of my dream groups from back in high school, all because I mentioned it offhand to the Producer that they were going to be in town.  He was like “then I’ll buy us tickets”.  It’s so easy for him!  I love that!! 😀 How am I ever going to go back to seeing guys who don’t take me anywhere fun and pay for it??  LOL

Oh and he bought go-cart passes for my kids and I because I had mentioned the other day we were there and I could only afford to let each of them ride one ride.  We’d been staying in a friend’s condo for a little vacation and it was fun but we were financially limited as to what we could do.  So he bought TWO passes for my family, which amounts to $240.   

He’s also taking us to get a couple’s massage on my birthday and I am excited about that!! Plus we went and saw “We’re the Millers” at the movie theater the other day too. (I thought it was funny, even if some of it was cheesy and over the top, haha)  I’m getting spoiled. 😉  He keeps talking about taking me to Vegas with him.  Ahhhh…the life ;).

Last night we went out to a bar with a woman we had met there previously.  She is another single mom and had shown up by herself. After we all got to talking, she took my number.  She called wanting to hang out and since he was going to be in town, we all went together. 

He bought us lots of shots and we had gone up to the jukebox to pick some music.  It cracked me up because she unknowingly picked a song that he produced, by the popular artist he has won Grammy’s for.  I went back and whispered that she had been the one who picked the song, not me, and he laughed.  He had told her he was a janitor.  I could tell she didn’t believe that one but it was amusing in any case. Later on he started name dropping when some guy who had his own band was talking to him and her eyes nearly popped out of her head.  I’m sure he probably gets a lot of women with stuff like that, lol.  Smh…

Right now what we have going on is pretty low drama.  I’m trying to keep it that way.  Obviously I’m a bit motivated by all the side “benefits” too, don’t wanna lose those, haha. 😉 I’m a little worried about the apartment thing, and hoping it doesn’t keep us from going out and doing stuff though.  He has dropped a couple of comments about how then I could cook him dinner.  Bleah.  Not that I don’t love to cook, I do, but I do it every day for myself and my kids so it would take the fun out of getting to go out, which is more relaxing.  It’s nice for me to be able to get out and get a break. 

Also, I’m a little concerned about what I am going to be able to do for HIM when his birthday rolls around.  There is no way I could manage to do anything comparable, price wise.  I may have to cook him dinner then, or something, but that still doesn’t seem like much.  It’s right before Christmas too, when I’m at my financial worst, trying to provide gifts for my children, one of whom also has a birthday at that time.  Guess I will have to worry about that when the time comes!!  In the meantime I’m making the most of what I can right now because who knows how long this will last?  Hopefully a while, but you just never know!! 

 

 

 

You’re gonna miss what you had…

It’s ten days in and I haven’t contacted the Professor.  I hope he’s miserable.  I hope he’s realizing what a dumb move it was to dump me and how hard it will be for him to find a replacement.  Sure, he can go around banging these old married ladies but none of them are ever going to compare to me.  I mean, not to be conceited, but…if everything guys tell me is true then I’m not such a bad “catch”. 

PLUS, he will always have to deal with their husbands, with a man involved, whether he is watching or taking pictures or into threesomes or just telling his wife whether or not she can play that day.  There aren’t a lot of single women in the Lifestyle either.  There’s a reason they are called “unicorns”.  He can’t even get into a lot of the swinger parties without a woman as a date.  No one else is going to be as accessible as I was and the majority of single women outside of the Lifestyle are not going to be near as easygoing about coming along for the ride. 

Every single man I meet that is on the swinger site WANTS me to come to a party with him! The fuck buddy has asked me as well as the married man and the officer and a couple guys I’ve gone on dates with or talked to.  They all seem to be looking for a swinging partner. I’ve always said no in the past because I didn’t want to show up with anyone other than the Professor.  People already were treating us as though we were a couple and I felt like it would be disrespectful.  He said himself that he got a lot more offers and attention when I was there with him. I think he deserves to be knocked upside the head, lol.

Even barring all that, he also told me I was some of the best sex he’s ever had in his life.  So it’s not just me that will be missing out on that little perk.  Take that!

Oh, and he’s a man.  For the most part women aren’t coming up to him and seeking him out for sex.  He has to go looking and looking and looking and put up with all kinds of rejection in the process.  Me, not so much.  There is a lot more chance of him ending up lonely and by himself than me.  Yes, he’s fabulous in bed but no one is going to be aware of that until they agree to have sex with him and even then some people just really do have more chemistry than others

I don’t really know why men think I’m good in bed but they keep telling me that.  The officer actually texted me today to tell me “your sex game is amazing”, LMAO.  

Then he wanted to know if I had another woman I wanted to bring in on the fun. :p  Men are so funny.  They all seem to think women like fucking their girlfriends and that we are going to have one on hand to share guys with.  Yeah right!  I can’t think of anything more likely to cause drama in a friendship than that, even if I were so inclined. 

Anyhow, he’s also missing out on the daily companionship and affection from me.  Sure he can get that from the married woman too, but she’s far away and limited in her interactions with him.  She’s not going to bring him by a meal when he’s sick or physically be there to touch and tease him except on rare occasions.  I mean, it was over six months since he last had sex with her, assuming he’s telling the truth.

The majority of our interactions were fun and lighthearted and sexy and affectionate.  I think I’ve written about most of the drama.  If that’s too much for him, well, there is a lot he could have done to prevent it so I feel like it’s partially his choice.  Yes, I have things I need to work on and I’m not forgetting that but I don’t want to take ALL the blame either.

Last month I slept with 4 guys.  The Professor, my fuck buddy, the guy I met off Craigslist that had the smallish cock and the Officer. I also went on a date with another guy and though I didn’t get to write about it, I did end up going back over to his house for a kiss.  He was the guy that gave me the flowers. He had said how much he wanted to kiss me and asked me to stop by so I finally did and we kissed for a few then I left, lol.  Haven’t heard from him since, which is odd, but again we both were having breakups and I didn’t feel any real chemistry. 

My grandmother, the night after our first date, informed me that at some point I had accidentally dialed her number on my phone and that she was sitting there listening to our conversation “for 8-10 minutes”.  Lovely!  LOL  She told me she heard him talking about his girlfriend, so apparently she knows I was out with some guy that had a girlfriend who is pregnant with another man’s (possibly) baby though it could also be his.  Wonder if she heard anything about Craigslist??  At least it was a fairly tame conversation, lmao.  I can only imagine if I’d been there with the Officer or something…..eek!

The Professor did look at my swinger profile once so far.  Wonder what he was thinking?  I do miss him, a lot, but I’m also pretty hurt and as the days go by I feel more angry.  Maybe I am getting over him, that is one of the stages of grief. 

I was looking at the swinger site tonight and guess whose profile I came across?  The DJ stalker guy I wrote about in Stopping the Stalkers! And guess who had validated him and said they were FWB?  One of the women that the Professor has told me he played with before!  Hilarious!  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since there are a limited amount of folks in this area on that site and it would make sense that we might have the same taste.  She had also told the Professor she really liked that guy I went out on a date with but thought smelled?  Ewwwww…. 

The DJ is pretty good looking and has nice pics.  He was just….crazy.  Of course with this woman being married also he probably didn’t act like such a nutcase and wasn’t trying to get her to be his girlfriend! With her husband around he probably wasn’t going to hold her down and refuse to let her get up or go in without a condom when she was insisting he should wear one.  I think there are a lot of benefits to having a more serious man in your life if you are going to play this way. 

Doing it as a single woman is definitely a lot more risky, not just physically, but emotionally.  I definitely would have felt a lot safer if the Professor had wanted to do this from the framework of having a “relationship” but he didn’t want to give me that. That’s really what the gist of our coming to an end had to do with.  I couldn’t handle it without a more secure base to work from.

My other option is to just keep emotional distance from everyone and I can do that when I set my mind to it.  If I’m not attached to anyone it’s not going to hurt so much to be rejected or feel abandoned.  Still, it’s one of the reasons I stay away from FMF threesomes, thus far.  I had that one experience where I felt left out and it killed me to the point that I am very afraid of going there without the reassurance that the guy involved is super into ME. 

Maybe it would be different if I just come in as a third wheel though so far I have shied away from that too.  There is this guy I have texted with back and forth that has a really nice body (per his pics anyway) who texted me a picture of a girl he has played with before and asked me if I’d consider a threesome with them.  I saw her pic and was thinking um, no way.  This girl looks way younger than me and clearly hasn’t had kids and it’s like I so don’t want to be the old hag in the interaction that gets “left out”.  Yeah, no thanks!  The only time it sounded more appealing was when the married man wanted me to join him and his wife, lol.  Because in that case I just wouldn’t feel the jealousy.  However, she might.  Plus, he’s good enough in bed for the both of us and then some!

 Dangit I wish he was free on weekends.  Gonna have to figure something out here soon with him. 😉 Talked to him recently and he says he wants to see me but no solid plans.  The FWB is off to another state again and the guy I had the affair with is stuck at home for an event with his kid.  He invited me to come along actually, but I don’t think I will, lol.  I should be up that way in a few weeks anyway.

Of course my trusty fuck buddy is still around and the Officer should be swinging back this way shortly.  I wonder though, if I will end up alone and depressed for the weekend.   Maybe it’s time to hit up Craigslist?  Or perhaps I will just spend it getting my massage and nails done and taking one of my kids on an outing that we’ve planned.  Guess I will see.  I don’t want to sleep with just anyone and still want to be choosy.  I know all too well how decisions on sleeping with someone made in haste sometimes end up in regret. :p

Stopping the stalkers…

stalker

I got a text last night from a number I don’t recognize and isn’t in my phone contacts. It was some sort of Youtube video with a random guy rapping. At first I didn’t open it because I thought it might be spam.

Instead I texted back whoever it was:

“Who is this?”

Creepy person: “Ur lover”

Me: “What?”

CP: “Yep, I still admire you a lot”

Me: “Who is this?”

CP: “Just figure it out”

CP: “Muah”

Me: “Who is this?”

No response after that. WTF?

The sad thing is that it could be any of a myriad of stalker guys I have collected in the past couple of years. I actually went into my T-mobile account this morning and figured out how to block numbers. Thank God for the Family Allowances plan, that I have also used to control my teenager’s phone and ground him from texting or calling anyone but me when he gets in trouble. Only problem is that it limits me to blocking only 10 numbers from my phone at a time. Apparently there are more guys harassing me than T-mobile can keep up with, or at least more numbers. Do these guys seriously think calling me from a DIFFERENT NUMBER is going to make me MORE INTERESTED in speaking to them? SMFH

Here’s the breakdown of the suspects I have blocked from my phone for now:

The DJ: This is a guy I met and had a one night stand with over a year ago. We went out on a date followed by returning to his house to show me his deejaying equipment. He even gave me a personalized CD which I later listened to and decided totally sucked and threw it in the trash, but that’s beside the point.

After messing around with his equipment for a bit I told him I’d really better get going. So he sat on the couch and pulled me over to him, yanked down my pants (which came off rather easily) and started licking. Then he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. As he started to pull off his pants I said wait, aren’t you going to wear a condom? He said yes and then proceeded to go right in WITHOUT one. After sex I said I really needed to go now and he wouldn’t let me get up. He pinned me down and went in for round two. I finally got out of there, but not before agreeing to let him take a couple of pictures (without my face).

In any case, his pushiness turned me off enough that I decided I never wanted to see him again. He, on the other hand had other plans. He told me he thought I was the perfect woman for him and he wanted to make me his girlfriend (despite me telling him quite clearly beforehand that I was only in this for NSA sex and wasn’t interested in more and him adamantly agreeing). I told him I was not interested in meeting him again but the emails and calls and texts continued. I decided ignoring him was my best bet. Then he would call from different numbers. Ignore, ignore, ignore and he will eventually go away right?

As luck would have it I was out on a date with a new guy at a Mexican restaurant in town when in walks the DJ with another woman. She looked, old, overweight and frumpy but they were clearly “together”. He saw me and later texted “YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!”

Okay, that should be the end of him now right? NOPE. He started sending me emails on the site where we met (Plenty of Fish) BEGGING me to see him again. One recently even said “I will do ANYTHING to be with you”.

I started getting random texts from numbers I don’t have in my phone with comments like “U really make me feel bad”. Could it be him? Quite possibly. He is at the top of my list for guilt inducing texts so I’m thinking there’s a good chance it’s him who texted me last night, plus the fact there was a video of some unknown rapper. Like who but a DJ would send me that? Never fear though, there are other possibilities.


The Coach
: Somewhere around the time I met the DJ guy last year I also met a man who coaches high school football. We went on a date to a bar. I was horny (ovulating) and in the mood for sex. This guy was huge and I had to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him. He claimed to be cool with casual sex or a one night stand so I figured why not? He was sort of a rough and aggressive type and we had sex at his place which wasn’t bad except for him wanting me to bite his nipple. Like he wanted me to bite the hell out of it, nothing was hard enough. I think he wanted me to draw blood and I am totally not into that.

He too, refused to wear a condom. I had brought one along and he insisted he had a vasectomy and didn’t need it. So I offered to put it on for him. He claimed I did it wrong and ripped it off before going inside me. I didn’t have another one and of course neither did he.

When I was getting ready to leave he backed me up against the door and asked if there were any other guys in there, putting his hand between my legs. When I admitted yes he said he was going to make sure he was the only one from now on. Um, whatever, just let me leave.

So afterwards I told him I was only interested in a one night stand and nothing further. He didn’t believe me and tried to convince me otherwise. I started ignoring his texts and calls as well but I still get emails that I never respond to, begging. He was from Plenty of Fish as well
.
The Murderer: I met this guy on Plenty of Fish (notice a pattern here? Haha). We actually emailed like once or so and I had totally forgotten about him until I ran into him at Walmart. He recognized me from the website and despite my hair being in a ponytail, having kids with me and being a hot mess from just having worked out, he claimed I was way hotter in person. He followed me out to the parking lot to ask for my number. He seemed nice and decent and was kinda cute so I gave it to him and actually allowed him to pick me up at my house for our first date. I reasoned that he didn’t seem creepy in person and it was probably okay.

So, he took me out for dinner and halfway through informs me that he had spent 10 years in prison for a murder he says he didn’t commit. (That’s what they all say. Find me a guy in prison who admits to actually committing the crime. Yeah….) Nevertheless I ever so wisely allowed him to drive me back to his house, which was actually an extended stay hotel (yikes). There he gave me a foot rub. I was sitting on his bed. It was the fastest foot rub in the history of man. He lotioned up my feet and went to work and then jumped up and was like “okay, let’s go”. Whew…. He drove me back to my house, where he slipped $40 into my hand, claiming it was “for gas” and took off. WTF? I felt like a foot fetish whore.

A week or so later he sent me a picture of his dick. When I didn’t respond he sent a video. Now he occasionally texts asking to meet and I completely ignore him.

The Guy I Ditched: This was another fish out of POF. I must be fishing in the wrong pond, but he was also on Adult Friend Finder. He had contacted me on there too but I didn’t have a face pic so he didn’t know that. He seemed cool over text and email though he was a man of few words. His pics were pretty nice and I thought great he’d make a good fuck buddy since he didn’t talk much. Well, so much for that.

We met at a down- home, breakfast restaurant and fairly soon after meeting him I could tell he wasn’t quite right in the head. He was a truck driver. Something about him was “off” but I can’t put a finger on it. Head injury of some sort? I don’t know but turns out he was staying in a hotel RIGHT NEXT to the restaurant. CRAP. I didn’t really know the best way out of the situation and followed him back to his room. Thank God he had forgotten his key and had to run to the front desk to get it. Meanwhile I ran to my vehicle, jumped in and drove away.

He texted me feverishly afterwards, thinking it was just a case of nerves. Nope. I told him I decided I didn’t want to do it but that didn’t deter him from texting me again and again. In fact, I just got a text from him two days ago, asking me on another date. It’s been like a year since that first day too. Seriously? I never answer. Could he be my “secret admirer”?

The Cracked Egg: I met this guy at the grocery store. He came up to me asking me to inspect his eggs for him to see if any were cracked. Turns out he was pretty cracked himself. So anyway, he was very determined to talk to me. He followed me into the checkout line, telling me I looked like an “angel” and the checker thought we were together. I said no we were not and he was telling people all around us what a good couple we would make. I think I seemed a little unsure about that because the checker asked if I needed someone to help me out to the car and all I was buying were milk and eggs.

Nevertheless, he was actually kind of cute, despite being older (I think in his 50’s, but he was in great shape) and I kind of admired his persistence. After he followed me out to the car I talked to him a bit and finally agreed to exchange numbers. He gave me his business card (he worked as a personal trainer of some sort for men in a big prison) and later called to talk. At first he seemed fairly normal but then he got a little weird. He would call and want to have phone sex. I mostly didn’t say anything because I have kids around all time and he’d get all into it himself. He was asking me to call him “Master” on the phone and it was like dude, I don’t even know you. I’d try to get off the phone ASAP but he would try to get me to hold on until he got off.

He started claiming he wanted to be a dad to my kids (that he’d never met) and come and move in with us. Uh, yeah, no. Waaaay too fast for me and way too creepy. When I told him I wasn’t interested in that he’d insist that I needed it. I started ignoring him but he’d call me repeatedly, several times a day, from different phone numbers. I think he finally gave up. Think…..

The Weird Indian Guy: Okay, this guy I met on Craigslist and never met in person. First thing, he told me he was “black” but actually turned out to be an Indian dude. When he sent me his picture I was like what? Why would someone lie about their ethnicity/race? Huh? Like, I wasn’t going to figure that out? He later admitted to being Indian (like from India, not Native American). Okayyyy….

In any case he was also way older than he let on and oh, he happened to be married and live like an hour away. He was kind of weird and pushy sounding over the phone and in talking to him I decided he wasn’t my type and it just wasn’t going to work out and let him know. He tried to convince me otherwise but I was adamant about not wanting to see him. When he wasn’t accepting no for an answer I told him I had decided to see someone else. So he finally backed down and said that I should keep his number on hand in case that didn’t work out. Okay. End of that? Of course not! He started calling me repeatedly, even after I asked him to leave me alone. So I changed his name to “creepy dude” in my phone and never answered again. Still didn’t stop him from trying months down the road.

Oh, and we can’t forget my first ever online date and My First Ever Craigslist Encounter meet (we didn’t have sex). I was still married that time and having a little tiff with the guy I’d had an affair with. I knew he was sleeping around so I decided maybe it was time for me to explore my options too.

So I went out on a date with this guy I met off Craigslist. He was older, 44, he said. and I think I was 33 at the time. His picture was from kind of far away but he looked fairly handsome from that angle. For some reason the age difference sounded kinda hot and I liked him over email and text. We communicated for awhile before ever meeting in person and I finally got a chance to sneak out with him at lunchtime.

He took me to a sandwich shop. I was sooo afraid of getting caught that I was a little jumpy and it didn’t help that the first time I saw him he walked up BEHIND me in the parking lot. Scared the tar out of me and almost made me jump out of my skin, lol. Much to my surprise he looked more like he was 65 than 44. Old enough to be my grandpa.

I ordered a lemonade but declined a sandwich, knowing this wasn’t going to work. We sat there and talked while a table of younger military dudes were smiling and winking at me behind him. I was totally embarrassed because this guy was just ancient and not very cute. He must have sent me a picture from like 25 years ago! The only thing recognizeable were his eyebrows, which were sort of thick and bushy.

I was in a hurry to get out of there but he wanted to sit in my vehicle and talk. I told him no I couldn’t and thankfully got rid of him quickly. I was worried he would follow me so took off as fast as I could. He emailed me for ages afterwards, telling me how beautiful I am and how much he liked me. Yeah, that made me feel pretty bad. I politely told him that I had decided it wasn’t a good idea for me to go through with things with him but he kept contacting me for a long time.

He blamed it on my nerves, like other guys have as well. Damn nerves, they keep a virginal girl like me from having sex all the time… I think I finally got rid of him, but you never know. I doubt he’d have sent me the rap video though, probably not someone his age.

Then of course there is the guy from the post I wrote the other day Pressure on Dates….Uggghhh. He’s fairly recent so still a possibility. I’m sure I haven’t even gotten them all. I will admit that at times I have sucked at being FLAT OUT CLEAR that I am not interested fast enough. It is something I really need to work on. Thankfully, the majority of these guys are still lurking around from pretty far in the past (like over a year) and I feel I am getting more firm with people. I’m definitely getting practice anyway!

Also, the sex with guys I don’t plan on continuing on with is going down because I am coming to believe that men may actually be worse than women stereotypically are when it comes to being ditched after a one night stand. So much for the myth that men are always the ones to pump and dump! Sometimes women are guilty of doing the same thing, we just expect men to be able to handle it better. We think THEY are the ones after a one night stand. Ha!

Only thing is that you don’t always know. Sometimes I don’t want to continue on with a guy after sex because we are a sexual mismatch and that can be hard for men to cope with. Fortunately most guys give up after a few attempts at meeting afterwards but some will keep it up for years. I don’t like to make expectations either way beforehand because it really all depends on the chemistry and the guy and how it all pans out.

Yeah, I could go to never having sex on the first date but I am so dang impatient and pressed for time! My main goals right now are to screen guys better on first dates and work on making my decisions more surely and quickly and to be more firm when saying NO. That doesn’t always stop him from continuing to harass me forever though. Of course there’s always common sense, like not going back to someone’s hotel room if I am not feeling him or if he just happens to be a murderer. :p But I digress… I’m gonna have to make some serious usage of this blocking feature. Maybe after realizing they are blocked for a month or so they will quit and I can filter out the old numbers and add in new ones if need be, lol.

Pressure on dates…. ugghhh

bad-date

Last night I went out with a new guy. He was someone I met off the swinger site. He had like 60 validations and from his pictures he was hot, hot, hot!! The only face pictures I saw were not straight on. Like he was looking down or had the camera slightly in front of him but from what I could see he was good looking. He was really muscular and had a set of six pack abs. His cock was….gigantic. Maybe on the level of “too big” that I mentioned in the previous post about Big Black Men. I wasn’t too concerned about that though and I never asked him his actual measurements.

In any case he lives 3 hours away so I was a bit surprised that he had emailed me. I responded once and then had forgotten about him until the Professor had gone to a swinger party in another town and I had ended up here alone after not finding any sufficient men off Craigslist. It was then that I emailed him back and we got to texting. He seemed pretty cool, other than an annoying habit of calling me “babe” and sounding a bit full of himself.

Still I figured if we were to meet he would probably be someone I’d sleep with. When I asked him about the distance between us he claimed it was no big deal and he travels frequently. He didn’t mind driving up here to meet me and said he was looking for a “swinging partner” to join him at parties. I kinda let him know that I had that already but he wasn’t deterred.

Anyway, I again forgot about him for a bit, until he texted early in the week to let me know he would be coming through my town on his way to a big city a few hours away. So we agreed to meet up. We flirted a little over text and he asked for more pics of me but I didn’t send him any.

I told the Professor I was going out on a date, which was kind of hard but he didn’t say a whole lot. I asked if he was cool with it and he said “It doesn’t matter. I am sick anyway and you are free to do what you want”. Not really encouraging and I felt bad that it was when he was sick but I went out anyway. I still don’t feel like we have completely worked things out from the other day. Nevertheless I still care for him and think I want to keep seeing him. I asked if he had slept with anyone without telling me and got a very adamant NO!!!!

So, onto my date. At first he had tried to squiggle out of taking me out beforehand and wanted to come straight to my place. I wasn’t having it. There is no way of telling if he would be a creepy stalker type or if I even want to have sex with someone without meeting them in public first. Being at my house is just too much pressure on me if I decide I DON’T want to and guys can really lay that pressure on thick. Plus he’d know where I live. One of the guys I slept with once last year STILL freaking harasses me and I am SO GLAD he doesn’t know where my house is. He tries to make me feel guilty for not wanting to see him again when actually the first night I did because I was under a lot of pressure and he basically ripped my clothes off and just started licking me. Then he was holding me down and not letting me get up to leave when I wanted to. I have had other experiences before where I ended up sleeping with someone I really wasn’t that excited about because I felt obligated and just in case I wanted a chance to assess things in a public setting.

I was an hour and a half later than I expected for meeting him. I felt bad but had to run my kids to their dads and come back which took about an hour and then was trying to clean up around the house before having anyone over. That’s another reason I don’t really like to have guys over at MY place. I have kids and there is always some cleaning up to do after they leave and it interferes with me trying to get ready to go out. Like, who wants to be cleaning the toilet and sweeping right before a date and right after showering? UGGH. It’s not putting me in a sexy mood, lol, and I start feeling resentful like can’t this guy just get a hotel or something and here he is wanting me to hurry and get there. Don’t worry, I kept him updated as to when I was coming and I had TOLD him beforehand that it was just an estimate as far as the time, but he did have to wait awhile.

What kills me is that later he claimed he was getting a hotel here in town because he wasn’t planning on driving straight through due to it being late. WTF? Then why the hell didn’t he get a hotel BEFORE the date and spare me all the extra cleaning (I had told him that is what I had to do). Why did he need to come to my house? SMFH Driving my kids to their Dad’s house is annoying to me too. It’s way out of my way and costs a lot of gas money. His vehicle isn’t working and I feel like in some ways he is deliberately sabotaging things for me. He’s passive aggressive like that. He keeps making our lives more and more difficult and I think it’s a continuation of the emotional abuse that went on in our marriage.

So I’m not in the best mood but I got myself together and all fixed up and headed to the sports bar where we were meeting. It was packed and he was sitting just inside the door. He doesn’t look nearly as attractive face to face as he did in the pictures. He’s still a decent looking guy but there is just something I don’t like and can’t put a finger on it. I smell something that smells vaguely like, well…. shit, lol, but I don’t know where it is coming from because there are a lot of people there around him. I notice his teeth are a bit messed up in the front. Apparently he was careful to hide that in the pictures.

He hugs me and says that maybe we should just leave or go someplace else since it is so crowded. I sense that he is trying to get out of buying me a drink, which is a turn off too. I suggest maybe we should just sit at the bar and he agrees. We order our drinks and the guy cards us, so I whip out my ID (it cracks me up to get carded when I’m only 4 years away from 40 but whatever, lol, it happens every time I go out). However, he doesn’t have his ID and has to go back out to the car. He takes a long time and I start to wonder if I’ve been ditched but chat a bit with the bartender (who is a cute, kinda hot blonde guy). He apologizes for carding us but says he has to. I start to wonder about the guy I am with and how old he actually is. He does look kinda younger than I expected and I can’t remember what he told me before.

So finally the guy comes back and has his ID. I ask him how old he is and he states 26. Yeah, that is a little on the young side for me. I’ve never really been a cougar and my one experience with a 22 year old made me feel awkward even though he was handsome and nice and okay in bed. It just felt weird and I couldn’t do it again even though he wanted me to. Generally, I Iike men my age or older, though a few years younger is okay. My fuck buddy just turned 29.

I think I smell that smell again and I am almost sure it is coming from him. Gross. I’m starting to think I definitely don’t want to do this. However, we talk for a bit and he is nice. He is in college and majoring in Psychology, which is what I got my degree in. He works in a group home which I have also done in the past. He’s nice but I’m still not feeling the connection. Something about the look in his eyes, I just don’t feel it…and the smell. He’s not bad looking or anything, but not what I expected and while he looks muscular it’s not nearly so much as he seemed in the pictures. He’s very tall though and says 6 foot 3.

When the bartender asks if I want another drink I say no, thinking I don’t want him to have to pay too much since I am not really feeling him. He says come on have another one and tells the bartender to get me another Mojito anyway.

After our drinks he pays and we head outside. He asks if I want to head back to my place and I say I’m really not sure that I do. He says oh, you are nervous huh and says he will walk me to my car and we can talk a bit. So we are standing by my van and he keeps saying I must be nervous. He tries to kiss me and I kind of pull away. He keeps talking about how nervous I am and I tell him I’m just not feeling much chemistry and not sure I want to do this.

He keeps telling me it is because I am nervous and says I will change my mind once we get back to my house. I say I don’t know that I want to go back to my house and he says I am just nervous and we should sit and talk in my van for a bit. I reluctantly agree and he gets inside. He tries to kiss me again and yeah there is a faint smell of crap. Yuck! Did he step in dog poo or is he unwashed or what? Ewwwww…. I pull away and say I am not ready for this. So he starts trying to put his hand between my legs. I push him away and say I really just don’t know if I want to do this.

He starts asking me if I have ever brought a guy back to my house the first time we met from the site and I say no, which is true but I have done so from other sites. Still I don’t want to encourage him. So he goes on about how I am just nervous and will change my mind once we are in a different setting. I say I really don’t think I will so he launches into an argument about how this is the “perfect time” and we have “a great opportunity” to do this. I tell him repeatedly that I don’t feel the chemistry with him and also he is younger than I expected (I later looked at his profile again and it says he is 110). He keeps saying he thinks I am hiding something that I will end up telling him later. So when that doesn’t work I use the Professor as an excuse and say I am in a bit of an open relationship but I don’t want to hurt him too much by sleeping with just anyone unless I am really feeling the chemistry.

Over and over he keeps trying to convince me (by arguing, totally unsexy) that this is our opportunity and that if I don’t do it now I will regret it later and be texting him and wanting to meet again to feel the chemistry. He says he is not good at conveying chemistry till we get to the bedroom. I tell him again that I don’t feel it now and don’t think that will change and don’t want to go back to my house. He asks what it is about him that I don’t like and was like “you liked my pictures, didn’t you??” I said it’s not anything about his looks and that we had a nice conversation earlier but I’m just not feeling him. He kept demanding I be more specific as to why I didn’t like him. I wasn’t gonna say “you smell like dogshit” but also I didn’t feel it with him at all so kept focusing on that. He didn’t like my vague reasoning, but what was I supposed to say?

He starts to get a little angry and I tell him I feel too pressured. So he asks if it’s because I am afraid he is going to have a one night stand with me and never talk to me again. I say no. (Oh, Hell no, more like I am afraid he would become clingy, needy, annoying as hell and turn into a stalker like a couple of guys I have slept with once in the past). This went round and round and round with him trying to argue and me trying to get rid of him for OVER AN HOUR AND A HALF. A couple times he tried to kiss me again and tried to rub my clit over my pants. I pulled away and told him I just didn’t want to do this and that he was pressuring me and he said he wasn’t going to force me to do this but that it was a “perfect opportunity”. Sigh…guilt trip after guilt trip.

One of my children called me on the phone (thank God) and I said I need to go pick them up. He acted angry that I wasted all this time being “unsure” when we could have been doing other things and said he would like to meet me again on Sunday when he comes back through and maybe then I would feel the chemistry. He asked where we were going to go from here and whether I would want to talk to him again. I said “I wouldn’t waste your time” and he said “oh but it’s not a waste of my time at ALL, you are gorgeous”. Repeat about 5 times. No, I am not feeling it, DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME. I am sorry this isn’t going to work.

He acted like I was breaking up with him or something and looked like he was about ready to cry. I felt bad but I just didn’t want to have sex with him. He blamed me that he was too tired to drive through to the other city but he had known beforehand it was going to be late when he left. I said he still had plenty of time and he said no he had been planning to get a hotel and stay here because it was too long of a drive. He knew darn well I wasn’t gonna have him stay at my place because I was due to get my kids. At least he should have known that. No way a strange man is sleeping at my place with my kids there.

FINALLY, he gets out of the van, slams the door like he is angry and looks like he wants to cry. I feel bad but I just had NO DESIRE to sleep with the man. This is why I HATE going on dates with new people. You just don’t know for sure if you are going to like them and guys cannot take it when you say no. UGH, UGH, UGH!!! I wanted him to leave so badly but he just wasn’t accepting it. I don’t know how I could have been any more clear other than to say “GET THE FUCK OUT” which is not something I am comfortable saying. I am way too polite for that and hate to hurt people.

I thought the Professor would be glad I didn’t sleep with the guy but when I told him the short version of the story (that this guy had spent an hour and a half trying to argue me into sleeping with him) he was like “well, what do you expect, you met him on a sex site!!” I asked if he felt that meant I was obligated to have sex with him and he said no but that is what guys are going to think. Surely they have to understand that it may not work out in person just because you liked them online though!! How hard is that to comprehend? I did not make him drive to my city, he was supposedly coming through anyhow. I don’t like this kind of pressure at ALL and truth be known I am pretty darn picky. It makes me DREAD meeting new people in the future and possibly having to go through all this again.

Just because someone’s pictures look good does not mean in person they will be what you thought. I have come across that more than once and was bound and determined NOT to have sex with anyone I didn’t feel completely comfortable with and turned on by, from a sex site or anywhere else! How the hell would I be turned on enough to have sex after an hour of him trying to ARGUE with me and debate and convince anyway? He was NOT doing anything to make me excited to sleep with him. I definitely need a little bit of that from a guy to be attracted. I do feel bad that his time was wasted but I don’t owe him sex. I’m actually proud of myself for standing by my guns and saying NO despite all the pressure. I can’t believe the Professor didn’t get that. MEN. Sheesh….

Watching and remembering

So I got this message on POF the other day that kind of creeped me out.

I saw you in Wendys on xyz street. A couple of weeks ago. Your better looking in person and you have a nice ass.

While it’s lovely that he thinks I’m good looking and have a nice ass, I find it rather disturbing that he recognizes me THREE weeks later, on a dating site, after randomly seeing me at Wendy’s with my daughter. I know when it was because I took her there as a treat after being so good at the dentist when she got her cavity filled. THREE effing weeks before he emailed me! I can’t say I even recognize him after seeing his picture and profile. Of course I was probably preoccupied with talking to my daughter, but that almost makes it more creepy. I’m pretty sure we never made eye contact.

This isn’t the first time a guy has messaged me on there with something like that either. I can think of AT LEAST 5 or 6 other occasions where a man recognized me somewhere in public and sent an email to me on Plenty of Fish later. Once I even ran into a man at Walmart who said he recognized me from my pictures on that site, then proceeded to ask me out on a date. Thinking he was kind of cute and seemed nice and normal enough, I agreed.

So he took me out to this restaurant and we enjoyed some Mexican food while he told me all about how he had been in prison for 10 years for murder but that it really wasn’t him who committed the crime, but his brother, who was now dead. Um…sure, of course, no one who is in prison ever actually committed the crime, right? That’s what I’ve been told by a few inmates anyway (like back in the day when I was participating in prison ministries with the ex). They NEVER actually did it. It’s always someone else’s fault.

In an unusual display of trust for a first date (I guess since I had met him first) I had actually let him come to my house to pick me up. Since he had driven me I was kind of stuck when he decided to take us back to his house, which was actually an extended stay HOTEL. No fear, it gets worse. I sat on the bed while he removed my sandals and lotioned up my feet for a foot rub, wondering how the hell am I going to get out of this situation without having sex? No worries. He gave me the fastest foot rubdown in the history of man then took me back out to the car (I swear, I have decent, even “pretty”, clean feet, with even toes and nicely painted toenails so I can’t imagine there was anything wrong with them that scared him off). He drove me back to my house, slipped $40 into my hand and said it was “for gas” then took off. I felt like some kind of foot fetish whore. A week later he sent me a picture of his dick. When I didn’t respond he sent a video. WTF??

Anyway, Walmart seems to be the most frequent place men have these citings of me. Hey, I have kids and don’t get to go out much, what can I say? I try to avoid wearing my pajamas ;). One told me I “looked like an angel” whilst shopping with my children. Of course. I always look angelic whilst doing my shopping, ha! Actually, I’m about as serious, focused and on a mission as it gets when I go there with kids in tow. I barely even glance to the side, try to get in and out as fast as possible and my kids get the death stare if they dare to step out of line. Hawt!

Then there was the guy on the site called TAGGED. I was married at the time and not even trying to use it to hook up. I didn’t know what it was about but it seemed like Myspace or something so when someone invited me I joined. Three days later I got an email from a thug looking Mexican dude who said he’d seen me AT A STOPLIGHT the day before. He went on to name the exact make and model of my vehicle. Even crazier is that the only time I’d left the house the day before was to drive around the corner to the bank and the library. I hadn’t even gotten out of the van! YIKES! I freaked out and took down my profile.

I must live in a small town, right? Not really. There are at least 150,000 people in this city and a few hundred thousand more in its surrounding suburbs. Am I really that recognizable? Or is it that every male within miles is lurking on POF? It’s one of the reasons I am so leery about stating my interest in casual sex on a site that has pictures of my face. I don’t need piles of stalkers at my door and creepy old guys leering at me every time I’m in Walmart thinking “I know what you REALLY want”. Shudder….

I am honestly amazed at these guys ability to remember me, out of all the women in this area. How do they even do that? I admit I totally suck at remembering faces. Heck I’m bad at names too. I’ve even forgotten people I’ve had sex with! Ooops. :/

In fact, I used to keep a written record of the guys I slept with and there is one guy on there that it just drives me CRAZY because I can’t figure out, for the life of me, who it could be! His name is Jeff (yes that’s his real name. Hell if I can’t figure out who he is I doubt you all can either, lol). I keep wondering if it’s the blonde Jeff that I had a crush on and remember kissing, or the black Jeff that used to hang out with us and was hot and dated one of my friends, or was it the long haired loser Jeff that was practically stalking me? Please don’t let it be long hair Jeff. I really hope I didn’t fuck him in a drunken stupor or anything dumb like that. ARGH. Then there was that older guy that I remember driving home from out of town with once. Were we at a hotel together before that? I liked his taste in music, but I can’t remember his freaking name! Did I fuck him? Help! If you think you might be Jeff you should shoot me a line and tell me the story…or something, because I am so lost. Maybe I need to write into Delilah and have her play a song for the long lost guy I fucked. Or maybe not. It WAS a one night stand after all, and if he were good in bed I’d probably remember, right?

Gosh, sometimes I flat out suck at remembering guys. When I first met my ex- husband I kept confusing him with two other guys who had a similar haircut and build (and one of them had been calling me). Then there was that poor guy who asked me to eat lunch with him in the college cafeteria and I said yes (over the phone) because I had confused him with a guy I’d just been out on a date with. When I realized I got it wrong I didn’t know what to do and ended up ditching him. I’ve always felt bad about that because I’m pretty sure he had a huge crush on me and he was obviously super shy and nerdy and whenever I saw him after that he would look away. 😦

Oh and we can’t forget the time I kissed the wrong person. I had been meeting this guy at the beach every day that was half Japanese and half Hawaiian. We would make out pretty heavily at the canoe club and once even had sex. So one day, around the time he would usually show up, I see this guy standing at a slightly closer entrance to the beach and the sun is shining in my eyes so I assume it’s him. I was laying out in my little yellow polka dot bikini and got up to go say hi. I walked right up to him and started kissing him on the lips. He got super excited and it was then that I realized he was slightly shorter than the other dude. Plus he could barely speak English. SO he had his finger in my panties and we were making out HARD and he was trying to pull me into the bushes before I managed to extract myself. He couldn’t understand then why I didn’t want to fuck him (can you blame him? LOL) so I had to practically RUN away and hide with my sister to escape. Scary. Ha.

Yeah, I really need to pay more attention. I don’t suppose guys like it when I forget their names or faces or like, almost fuck someone else thinking its them, though I guess that could make a good cover up story if I was gonna cheat. LMAO. Still, remembering me THREE weeks later from a seeing me at a fast food place eating with my child, isn’t that a bit much? Am I being paranoid? Should I start covering my face in online photos? Hmmmmm…..