Tag Archive | conflicted

The conflicted married man

obsessed

Many times on this blog I have mentioned the man that was the best sex of my life.  If you recall, he is married, but I didn’t realize that at the beginning.  We met for what was supposed to be a one night stand, which turned into a little more. 

It’s been over a year since I saw him last but we still keep in contact.  He often asks me to meet up at times that are inconvenient or impossible.  Other times we set up plans and he flakes out.  If it were anyone else I probably would have been done a long time ago, but he is A-MAZING and I let things slide.

I figure he’s married and I know that it is hard to plan, especially with him living a few hours away.  Nevertheless, it gets annoying at times, being cancelled on.  Still, we are talking about a man, who within minutes of meeting me, off Craigslist, at a hotel, managed to make me cum REPEATEDLY, like 50 times in an hour and a half time period.  This, after me having NEVER been able to cum with another man before in my life!!  He’s like some kind of superhuman sex God, I’m not even kidding!!  After that it just got better!!

We’ve actually only met up a couple of times.  The rest of it has been this flaky, weird behavior with him that I keep talking about.  Married man shit.  Yet, we text, he asks me about the guys I meet and the swinger parties, and of course wants an occasional picture.  Once his wife caught him texting me and that was a problem.  Still, 3 weeks later he was contacting me again and even added me on Facebook. 

He’s cool, I like him, but it is not an emotional thing, other than right after having sex because he does tend to affect me.  He was talking crazy, with this stuff about me moving into one of the houses he owns, having his baby and paying me 3,000 a month to do so.  I thought at first he was just saying that because we were so into the sex and it was part of a fantasy, but he has brought up me moving there at other times and again said things about wanting to get me pregnant.

On Facebook, and from the things he has told me about his life and kids, he appears to be the ideal, upstanding, church-going, family man.  His wife posts cutesy pictures of the two of them together and tags him in it.  She is pretty and seems sweet from all I can see.  The kids are adorable and one is actually from another mother, who oddly enough is now dating a guy I went to high school with!  So I see their pics on there too, lol. 

Anyhow, that’s the backstory.  He makes good money and travels a lot for his business. He lives a few hours away in a big city, but when we originally met he was here for some sort of convention. 

A couple of days ago he texted me saying he had plans to see a client in a town that was about an hour from here.  He had deliberately scheduled it at the end of his day hoping to see me before he had to head home. Letting me know a day in advance is an improvement on his usual “hey I am in xyz town can you be here in a couple of hours” type texts. I said I would check and see if my ex would take the kids and if so, sure I would try and meet up.

It all worked out and I gps’d it and was heading his direction.  He’d made sure to check with me ahead of time and warn me that he would be in meetings and unable to answer the phone until after that was over but said just start driving.  He wanted me to come earlier but I wasn’t able to head out until after my ex came home at 6. 

I was on the road, on a highway I’ve never taken, when he called to ask where I was at.  He said not to meet him there after all but in a different city, that he thought was closer.  I was familiar with the second city but was going completely in a different direction, well parallel, to it.  Unfortunately I had driven a ways before we figured that out.  It was dark, my gps on my phone kept saying it couldn’t access data and neither one of us knew for sure where the hell I actually was.

I finally got it to take me back to the familiar highway that would get me to the city he wanted to meet up in, but I had to drive 22 miles to get there, on some scary, dark, back roads.  Did I mention I was wearing heels?  Not just heels, but heels and a bra and panties, with a trench coat, per his request.  I did bring some other clothing but had mostly stripped it off due to the cold sweat I had broken out in from all the stress of being lost in the dark.  I was also without ANY kind of phone service for the 22 miles I was on that road.  Ugh.  I was driving around all these curves, in heels and lingerie, terrified, in the dark, on some back country road in the middle of nowhere. 

NO ONE else could have gotten me to do this, lol.  I swear.  He is just way too freaking good in bed!!  Still, I was a tad irritated.  Then I finally get to a city I recognize and am finally able to call him. It turns out I have BACKTRACKED on that freaking highway.  I’m only about 15 miles out of town and still need to drive almost an hour more.  Sigh….

I asked if it was getting too late, if he still wanted me to come.  He vacillated a bit because he wanted to get home at a decent hour, but said he REALLY wanted to fuck me.  I kept driving.

Finally, I arrive in the parking lot off the highway, where he is waiting in his car.  I get out, in my trench coat and heels and walk over.  He lets me in and I ask where he wants to go now.

He says “there is something we need to talk about”.  Oh God, this doesn’t sound good.  What could it possibly be?

His wife had just called him, telling him she loves him.  Now he is feeling guilty.  He doesn’t think he can do this.  He didn’t used to feel guilty but he had promised her and God that he wouldn’t do this anymore and now here he is and she calls to tell him she loves him.

I say it’s ok.  I understand and I am not mad at him.  He apologizes.  Then he just stares at me.  “I want to fuck you so bad”.  “God, I want to fuck you so bad”.  He grabs my hair and keeps staring, lustfully, and stroking my head.  He goes in for a kiss, then pulls away, looking guilty.  “I can’t do this”. 

I said it’s ok.  He says he wants to fuck me so bad but he promised and he needs to be a better man.  He keeps apologizing and says he will fill my tank up with gas.  I said it’s ok, I don’t want you to hurt anyone or feel guilty.  I’m not mad at you.  He keeps staring and staring at me.

Then, suddenly he starts driving.  I was like “where are we going?” and he wouldn’t answer.  The look in his eyes was almost crazy.  I asked again and he said nothing, making me start to freak out inside.  It was dark and he was driving me towards the woods.  I was like “where are you taking me?” and he pulled over in a dark parking lot corner near the woods. 

He started kissing me and pulled open my coat.  His mouth went down to my nipples and he started sucking on them.  Then he pulled away and looked guilty again.  “I can’t”.  He said he wanted me really badly but he loves his wife. I said it’s okay, I understand.  I’m not mad.  You can take me back to my van.

He kept apologizing as we drove back and had me follow him out to the gas station.  He put about $25 in my tank and asked if that was enough.  I said it was and he said “I’m sorry” and that he felt bad having me drive all the way up there.  I said it was okay and he looked at me again before turning away to walk in the convenience store.

I drove off and halfway home texted “goodnight :/”.  He said “sorry” and when I got all the way back I said “sometimes temptation is hard to resist”.  He was most likely home with his wife by then, and never responded.

Sigh.  I really wanted to fuck him.  But I also feel bad.  I’m not trying to be a homewrecker or tear apart anyone’s happy family.  I really do think he loves her and she is probably a great wife.  From what I gather I think he has most likely been a serial cheater, though he did say it’s been a long time since he did anything. 

I struggled a little bit, feeling rejected, but I know and understand his reason.  Still, a big part of me wanted to tempt him to fuck me again anyway.  The other part is going “awww….how sweet, he’s such a good guy” and partly feeling guilty for leading him astray. 

I wonder if I’m ever going to hear from him again?  Can he really keep it up, resisting temptation?  He told me when we first met that he thinks he is a sex addict.  He said “you are too, aren’t you?  I can tell”.  According to him, he’s never met a woman like me, that was already such a freak before meeting him, though he claims he’s turned others out.  He couldn’t believe I just walked up to his hotel room to fuck after communicating on Craigslist and said he’d never expect that from a woman of my caliber and looks. 

Anyway, I’m a tad bit torn.  I want him to be happy and not feel so guilty but again I don’t want to give him up!  I know his wife would never leave him in a million years.  He’s too good in bed, makes good money and is a good dad.  A woman’s dream.

 Ladies, if you ever want to keep a guy from cheating, now you know.  Let him know you love him and make him feel guilty.  Seems like it works better than anything else I know of.  He said before he didn’t used to feel guilt about it.  Now he does.  I’m guessing they must be trying to work on their relationship, maybe with counseling or something.

Anyhow, that’s where we are at.  I hope if he ever decides to cheat again though, that it is with me.  I won’t interfere if he is doing what he believes is right but if he changes his mind I am not going to fight that either!  I couldn’t, he is just too darn good!!  I guess he has been living vicariously through me a bit with the stories of my life and parties and all that too. 

Now I know why he is so darn flaky.  I hate the guilt.  Yet I really do understand.  I felt that way too, at times, when I was cheating on my husband, even though I felt it was with good reason.  It took me awhile to come to terms with it all. 

I felt a little resentful that he seemed to be putting me in the role of evil, seductive, temptress but I have to remember he is deeply entrenched in Christianity too.  He is the moral, upright, kind of guy you see in church every Sunday and Wednesday night.  Kinda like my ex husband.  Yet the sex, OMG, I have never felt so much passion out of someone in my life.  He said he felt the same way about me.  I wonder if he will cave?