Tag Archive | cheating

A reluctant gangbang

Hotties-who-loves-interracial-gangbangs-10

 

Tonight, I had a sort of gangbang. It was only 3 guys, so I don’t know that it officially “counts” but whatever. I’m also not feeling that great about it. It wasn’t what I set out to do. I should have known better.

My thing about gangbangs, is that its so easy to get pressured into fucking guys that I really don’t want, once I’m already there and naked. That’s kind of what happened tonight. I wanted to fuck one of the guys. The other ones, not so much.

Anyhow, the original PLAN, was supposedly for me to just meet up with ONE person, the Host’s cousin, from my stories Meeting Cousin #3 and Keeping it in the Family. He’s been hitting me up here and there for a bit, but I hadn’t made the time to see him. Tonight, I was like, what the Hell, it sounds kind of fun.

He texted me his address, which is about 15 minutes away, offhandedly mentioning that he has a woman but she wasn’t there. I later found out he is married and she was at work. Married ladies- do you know where your husbands are at while you are working? Probably gangbanging some girl in the guest room with all his buddies and family members. They’ll never say a word. :p

This is why, I would have a nearly impossible time trusting any man who told me he would never cheat. I’ve seen WAY too much of this stuff from the other end, from the time I was young. In fact, these guys remind me of a family I knew growing up, I think I’ve mentioned that.

Better, to just assume they are going to cheat, and that eventually I will too. So, stop worrying about it and just agree to do your own thing. That’s the angle I’m coming from now, anyhow.

To add to the semi nostalgic feeling, he told me he and his “partner” were over there “slappin bones”. Seems like that’s all the old black men in my neighborhood ever did when I was younger. Sit on their porch and drink beer and play dominoes, lol.

His neighborhood was very similar to the Married Man’s, and not too far away from him actually. He too, lives in an older, restored, mansion, in a place that is scattered with a combination of fixed up homes and total slums. He asked, when I arrived, if I was scared of the area and I was like, no, lol. It would take a lot for me to be afraid of a neighborhood.

He had me come in through the garage and backyard, where I was greeted at the back door by a giant pitbull. He was like “are you scared of dogs”? No, not that either. 😉

He fixed me up a paper plate with homemade lasagna. I asked and he said it was made by his wife. Nice. I’m sure she would really appreciate him feeding their guest. It was good though, along with a cold can of Hawaiian Fruit Punch.

His brother in law was there (his sister’s husband) and a baby nephew, who was cute and maybe 18 months old. He introduced me and we sat on the couch to eat and watch an episode of a show that is similar to Cheaters. Fitting.

Then he took me downstairs to show off his basement. Wow!! A GIGANTIC screen TV and lots of movies and gaming stuff, alongside a bunch of really nice leather couches and a massage chair. There was basically a whole gym down there with various excercise equipment that he claims he never uses. He had to show me the bathroom that had only urinals. This was definitely the “man cave”. It’s also where he had his table set up with dominoes. He had to point out the painting of a naked woman at the entrance when you go down the steps. He said that’s so you can walk by and “slap that ass”.

Upstairs was much like the Married Man’s house. It was decorated with lots of artsy paintings and antique looking items, as well as family photos. I didn’t get a chance to look close up, but I could see that his wife was black. We didn’t go to the top floor but he said the entire thing is the master bedroom and bath. He had an office and a room for his 21 year old, who is moved out of the house, as well as a guest room.

He said normally on Wednesday nights the guys come over to play dominoes and that he was in the process of telling them not to show up. Yeahhhh sure…. A guy shows up at the door. He was a bigger guy, though he wore his weight well and had an attractive face. They’ve known each other since 4th grade. He introduced me and mentioned he had 5 kids, as well as a nephew that he takes care of. The brother in law left and he gave the baby kisses goodbye, tossing him up in the air.

Once they were gone, he pulled me over to him on the couch and pulled his dick out. He gently took a hold of my hair and pulled me down to suck on it, while the other guy sat on the other end of the couch. After a few minutes he told me to follow him up to the guest room.

In there he wanted me to suck his dick more, kneeling while he sat in a chair. He pulled off my shirt and bra. Then he told me to go call the other guy and tell him to come watch me. He said he wanted to see what he would do. I laughed and wouldn’t do it.

He was persistent. He kept telling me to go call the guy. I shook my head no. He pulled my hair and got more insistent (not mean, just demanding). He said he wanted him to watch, that he likes to share with his friends. As he later told me, its only his good friends and cousins, he says it’s like sharing a good piece of chocolate, you only want to give it to people you know and like.

I finally aquiesced. What the hell. I guessed I’d be fucking him too.

I walked out of the bedroom in a pair of shorts and no shirt or bra and asked the guy to come upstairs. He willingly followed (ha). The Cousin wasn’t satisfied with me just inviting him in there. He wanted me to say “come watch me suck his dick”.

I wasn’t cooperating. I basically kept laughing it off. He held my face and turned it towards the other guy and said “say it, don’t be shy” and I shook my head. He kept at it, until I said what he asked me to. Then he had me suck his dick some more and was demanding that I look the BOTH of them in the eyes while doing so. The other guy, at this point, was lying on the floor next to me and the chair that the Cousin was sitting in.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see him stand up and start to unbutton his pants behind me. The Cousin pulled me off of him and turned my head towards the other guys dick, telling me to suck him too. I went ahead and did what he asked, though I wasn’t that thrilled about the second guy. He was alright.

The Cousin wanted me to get on the bed and suck HIS dick again while the other guy fucked me from behind. He wore a condom (everyone did) and was having trouble performing/getting it up. It wasn’t really that exciting but the Cousin was hard as a rock and I still wanted to fuck him again. More so than the guy behind me.

When he finally did start to fuck me it was 10 times better and I’m sure my reaction showed that. He’s a little rough but good nevertheless. He kept fucking me, much longer and harder than the guy before. He pinned me down with my legs up over my head and wouldn’t let me move even when it was hurting me a bit.

He wanted the other guy to put his dick in my mouth again but he didn’t. He was getting dressed to leave and go back home to his family, I guess. As he was getting ready to leave a car pulled up in front of the house and they could see out the window. They were trying to figure out who it was (supposedly).

Yeah, it was guy #3, someone I have fucked before, twice. Another one of the Host’s cousin’s. I wasn’t really keen on fucking him again, especially since the last time he and his other cousin had gotten too rough with me and tried to choke me on their dicks. I said I’d have to go soon and the Cousin promised to finish up fast before the other guy came up to the room.

But he didn’t. He kept going and going. It was pretty good actually but I wasn’t trying to fuck the other cousin. He came in the room and said “oh hi, its Lovergirl right?”. Yeah.. he took off his clothes and got on the bed. They wanted me to suck his dick while the Cousin fucked me from behind.

So I did. For what seemed like a very long time. My hair was a matted mess and it was hard to give a good blowjob while the other dude was pounding me, lol. I did what I could though. This cousin was also having erection issues. Maybe he really didn’t want to fuck me either, or could sense that I wasn’t that into him, IDK.

He came on my face once but played it off like he hadn’t. The guy behind me was bossing me around and telling me to suck his dick so I think he didn’t want to let him know. So I had to suck his limp, already came, dick, back up again while I was being slammed from behind. It took a while.

He started getting a bit impatient with the Cousin, who was fucking me this way and that. Like, come on man, give me a turn. He did but it didn’t last long, he had already cum and was still struggling with his erection.

The Cousin got up and went in the other room to take a phone call, wanting me to suck this guy’s dick, but I started getting dressed. He apologized, saying he’d worked several 12 hour days and was tired. Yeah, whatever.

We made small talk and I was half dressed to go home when the Cousin showed up again. He was like wait! I’m not done with you yet! I haven’t even busted a nut! He shook his head at the other guy leaving and started to take my clothes back off, promising he’d be done in “5 minutes”.

For the next half hour plus, we kept fucking. It was pretty good and he likes to talk a lot (which I like) but I wouldn’t promise to see him again when he kept asking. Then he started getting all obsessed with wanting to fuck my ass.

He was holding my legs over my head, saying look at that asshole, look at that perfect heart shape, just let me “kiss” it with my dick…just put in the tip. I kept saying no, so he’d stick a finger in there and try to lube it up with spit, while playing with my clit.

He promised he wouldn’t do it this time but said next time for sure he is getting that ass. Uh…yeah, there goes another reason not to go back, lol. In fact, I still hurt a bit from his FINGER. Ugh…

When it was over he asked me to choose “in your throat or on your face?” I said on my face and he covered me like a glazed donut. He got a washcloth for me to wipe it off and walked me back down to the kitchen for a can of pop, after we got dressed. He walked me to my vehicle and hugged me goodbye, saying he definitely wants to see me again. I’m thinking probably not…

The conflicted married man

obsessed

Many times on this blog I have mentioned the man that was the best sex of my life.  If you recall, he is married, but I didn’t realize that at the beginning.  We met for what was supposed to be a one night stand, which turned into a little more. 

It’s been over a year since I saw him last but we still keep in contact.  He often asks me to meet up at times that are inconvenient or impossible.  Other times we set up plans and he flakes out.  If it were anyone else I probably would have been done a long time ago, but he is A-MAZING and I let things slide.

I figure he’s married and I know that it is hard to plan, especially with him living a few hours away.  Nevertheless, it gets annoying at times, being cancelled on.  Still, we are talking about a man, who within minutes of meeting me, off Craigslist, at a hotel, managed to make me cum REPEATEDLY, like 50 times in an hour and a half time period.  This, after me having NEVER been able to cum with another man before in my life!!  He’s like some kind of superhuman sex God, I’m not even kidding!!  After that it just got better!!

We’ve actually only met up a couple of times.  The rest of it has been this flaky, weird behavior with him that I keep talking about.  Married man shit.  Yet, we text, he asks me about the guys I meet and the swinger parties, and of course wants an occasional picture.  Once his wife caught him texting me and that was a problem.  Still, 3 weeks later he was contacting me again and even added me on Facebook. 

He’s cool, I like him, but it is not an emotional thing, other than right after having sex because he does tend to affect me.  He was talking crazy, with this stuff about me moving into one of the houses he owns, having his baby and paying me 3,000 a month to do so.  I thought at first he was just saying that because we were so into the sex and it was part of a fantasy, but he has brought up me moving there at other times and again said things about wanting to get me pregnant.

On Facebook, and from the things he has told me about his life and kids, he appears to be the ideal, upstanding, church-going, family man.  His wife posts cutesy pictures of the two of them together and tags him in it.  She is pretty and seems sweet from all I can see.  The kids are adorable and one is actually from another mother, who oddly enough is now dating a guy I went to high school with!  So I see their pics on there too, lol. 

Anyhow, that’s the backstory.  He makes good money and travels a lot for his business. He lives a few hours away in a big city, but when we originally met he was here for some sort of convention. 

A couple of days ago he texted me saying he had plans to see a client in a town that was about an hour from here.  He had deliberately scheduled it at the end of his day hoping to see me before he had to head home. Letting me know a day in advance is an improvement on his usual “hey I am in xyz town can you be here in a couple of hours” type texts. I said I would check and see if my ex would take the kids and if so, sure I would try and meet up.

It all worked out and I gps’d it and was heading his direction.  He’d made sure to check with me ahead of time and warn me that he would be in meetings and unable to answer the phone until after that was over but said just start driving.  He wanted me to come earlier but I wasn’t able to head out until after my ex came home at 6. 

I was on the road, on a highway I’ve never taken, when he called to ask where I was at.  He said not to meet him there after all but in a different city, that he thought was closer.  I was familiar with the second city but was going completely in a different direction, well parallel, to it.  Unfortunately I had driven a ways before we figured that out.  It was dark, my gps on my phone kept saying it couldn’t access data and neither one of us knew for sure where the hell I actually was.

I finally got it to take me back to the familiar highway that would get me to the city he wanted to meet up in, but I had to drive 22 miles to get there, on some scary, dark, back roads.  Did I mention I was wearing heels?  Not just heels, but heels and a bra and panties, with a trench coat, per his request.  I did bring some other clothing but had mostly stripped it off due to the cold sweat I had broken out in from all the stress of being lost in the dark.  I was also without ANY kind of phone service for the 22 miles I was on that road.  Ugh.  I was driving around all these curves, in heels and lingerie, terrified, in the dark, on some back country road in the middle of nowhere. 

NO ONE else could have gotten me to do this, lol.  I swear.  He is just way too freaking good in bed!!  Still, I was a tad irritated.  Then I finally get to a city I recognize and am finally able to call him. It turns out I have BACKTRACKED on that freaking highway.  I’m only about 15 miles out of town and still need to drive almost an hour more.  Sigh….

I asked if it was getting too late, if he still wanted me to come.  He vacillated a bit because he wanted to get home at a decent hour, but said he REALLY wanted to fuck me.  I kept driving.

Finally, I arrive in the parking lot off the highway, where he is waiting in his car.  I get out, in my trench coat and heels and walk over.  He lets me in and I ask where he wants to go now.

He says “there is something we need to talk about”.  Oh God, this doesn’t sound good.  What could it possibly be?

His wife had just called him, telling him she loves him.  Now he is feeling guilty.  He doesn’t think he can do this.  He didn’t used to feel guilty but he had promised her and God that he wouldn’t do this anymore and now here he is and she calls to tell him she loves him.

I say it’s ok.  I understand and I am not mad at him.  He apologizes.  Then he just stares at me.  “I want to fuck you so bad”.  “God, I want to fuck you so bad”.  He grabs my hair and keeps staring, lustfully, and stroking my head.  He goes in for a kiss, then pulls away, looking guilty.  “I can’t do this”. 

I said it’s ok.  He says he wants to fuck me so bad but he promised and he needs to be a better man.  He keeps apologizing and says he will fill my tank up with gas.  I said it’s ok, I don’t want you to hurt anyone or feel guilty.  I’m not mad at you.  He keeps staring and staring at me.

Then, suddenly he starts driving.  I was like “where are we going?” and he wouldn’t answer.  The look in his eyes was almost crazy.  I asked again and he said nothing, making me start to freak out inside.  It was dark and he was driving me towards the woods.  I was like “where are you taking me?” and he pulled over in a dark parking lot corner near the woods. 

He started kissing me and pulled open my coat.  His mouth went down to my nipples and he started sucking on them.  Then he pulled away and looked guilty again.  “I can’t”.  He said he wanted me really badly but he loves his wife. I said it’s okay, I understand.  I’m not mad.  You can take me back to my van.

He kept apologizing as we drove back and had me follow him out to the gas station.  He put about $25 in my tank and asked if that was enough.  I said it was and he said “I’m sorry” and that he felt bad having me drive all the way up there.  I said it was okay and he looked at me again before turning away to walk in the convenience store.

I drove off and halfway home texted “goodnight :/”.  He said “sorry” and when I got all the way back I said “sometimes temptation is hard to resist”.  He was most likely home with his wife by then, and never responded.

Sigh.  I really wanted to fuck him.  But I also feel bad.  I’m not trying to be a homewrecker or tear apart anyone’s happy family.  I really do think he loves her and she is probably a great wife.  From what I gather I think he has most likely been a serial cheater, though he did say it’s been a long time since he did anything. 

I struggled a little bit, feeling rejected, but I know and understand his reason.  Still, a big part of me wanted to tempt him to fuck me again anyway.  The other part is going “awww….how sweet, he’s such a good guy” and partly feeling guilty for leading him astray. 

I wonder if I’m ever going to hear from him again?  Can he really keep it up, resisting temptation?  He told me when we first met that he thinks he is a sex addict.  He said “you are too, aren’t you?  I can tell”.  According to him, he’s never met a woman like me, that was already such a freak before meeting him, though he claims he’s turned others out.  He couldn’t believe I just walked up to his hotel room to fuck after communicating on Craigslist and said he’d never expect that from a woman of my caliber and looks. 

Anyway, I’m a tad bit torn.  I want him to be happy and not feel so guilty but again I don’t want to give him up!  I know his wife would never leave him in a million years.  He’s too good in bed, makes good money and is a good dad.  A woman’s dream.

 Ladies, if you ever want to keep a guy from cheating, now you know.  Let him know you love him and make him feel guilty.  Seems like it works better than anything else I know of.  He said before he didn’t used to feel guilt about it.  Now he does.  I’m guessing they must be trying to work on their relationship, maybe with counseling or something.

Anyhow, that’s where we are at.  I hope if he ever decides to cheat again though, that it is with me.  I won’t interfere if he is doing what he believes is right but if he changes his mind I am not going to fight that either!  I couldn’t, he is just too darn good!!  I guess he has been living vicariously through me a bit with the stories of my life and parties and all that too. 

Now I know why he is so darn flaky.  I hate the guilt.  Yet I really do understand.  I felt that way too, at times, when I was cheating on my husband, even though I felt it was with good reason.  It took me awhile to come to terms with it all. 

I felt a little resentful that he seemed to be putting me in the role of evil, seductive, temptress but I have to remember he is deeply entrenched in Christianity too.  He is the moral, upright, kind of guy you see in church every Sunday and Wednesday night.  Kinda like my ex husband.  Yet the sex, OMG, I have never felt so much passion out of someone in my life.  He said he felt the same way about me.  I wonder if he will cave?

 

 

The Evolution of Jealousy

Once upon a time I had hardly any jealousy whatsoever when dating guys. Back in those days, before having sex for the first time, relationships didn’t seem so complicated. I think a lot of females can relate to me there, but I’m not so sure about guys.

I remember my first “real” boyfriend, back in 8th grade, getting jealous. He was your typical, roguish, hotheaded, Italian guy who liked to get into fights. He was tall, muscular and looked way older than his 14 years. He was even sporting a bit of facial hair, which led my mother to think I was lying when I told her we were in the same grade at school. She was sure I was running off with an 18 year old, lol.

He was very much the stereotypical “bad boy”. I swear he totally dressed the part too, wife beaters, leather jacket, the whole 9 yards. His mom was a stripper.

We never had sex, though we tried. We were both still virgins and couldn’t quite get there so the most he ever got out of me was a hand job. Getting to see his cum spurt out for the first time was fascinating to me but that’s as far as we actually went.

Anyway, he was extremely possessive. He loved kissing me publicly in front of people and I was still a bit shy but went along with it. We got in trouble constantly at school for PDA. He’d get mad at other guys for looking my direction and once threw a desk over in class arguing with another boy over me.

I wasn’t even there but I heard about the incident later from friends who were in that class and was eventually called down to the Vice Principal’s office to discuss things as a “couple”. The Vice Principal was so sure that our relationship wasn’t going to last that he promised to personally take us out to a steak dinner if we could manage to date the rest of the year without breaking up. Yeah, he won that one, lol. I got sick with the flu for 3 days and couldn’t make it to school so he “cheated” on me with another girl and started dating her instead.

That being my first “real” breakup, I was pretty upset, and even cried, but it never occurred to me to blame the other girl. Well, it never occurred to me until I went back to school and my girlfriends were talking trash on her. Before that I was pretty sure it was all HIS fault.

I was sad and hurt and hadn’t really concerned myself with WHO the other girl was, but my female friends were on it. They mocked, snubbed, and played all sorts of emotional revenge games on the girl who “stole” my boyfriend. Of course they were trying to protect and “help” me, so I didn’t try to stop them and eventually came to see her as the enemy as well. I’m pretty sure she got branded as a “slut” around school due to that incident.

She and I never became friends but I went on to date (and have sex with) his best friend and HE proceeded to date all my girlfriends, one by one (yeah those same ones, but it didn’t bother me because, well, they were my FRIENDS, you know). It’s funny how behaviors are accepted when they come from people we know versus those we don’t. I’ve learned all too well how it feels to be on the other side of the coin since then, and to have all kinds of haters who know nothing about me, save the possibility that I have had sex with a guy they like. Of course no one demands evidence in cases like that.

Gosh, come to think of it I’ve been the recipient of female jealousy and hating A LOT when it was undeserved. I’ve been accused of things and sleeping with guys I never touched and even been threatened with a baseball bat and had a carful of much bigger, older girls try to jump me. The guy I was with had to step between me and them and physically ward them off.

In any case, women can be extremely jealous at times. Sad to say I eventually got there myself, and to a point I’m almost ashamed to admit. It took me a long time though. Many years of dating, having sex and being cheated on, and of being the person who was the target of all the jealousy and rage passed before I really started to understand how they were feeling.

I’d actually trace back the development of jealousy in my mind to one particular guy. HE was extremely jealous himself, to the point that it was just ridiculous. Any time a guy so much as looked at me, or stood too close, he would threaten them with their life, and people were scared of him because of who he was and his reputation in the community. That’s what I got for dating a guy who was a well known drug dealer in the area. Even the cops feared him.

Anyway, he cheated on me right and left. Any time I would turn my back he would be hitting on another girl, and I mean that literally. If we were out in public and I stepped aside for a minute to use the restroom or to walk across the room for any reason, he would be trying to get someone else’s number. He tried to hit on my close friends, on EVERYONE. It really messed with me emotionally. I couldn’t trust him at ALL. It made me question whether or not I could trust my own friends. He once went over to my best friend at the time’s house and caused she and I to get into an actual fist fight.

You might wonder WHY I stayed with this guy, but every time I tried to break up with him (and that was often) he would passionately fight to keep the relationship. He claimed to be madly in love with me. He’d apologize, he’d lie, he’d give me expensive gold jewelry and beg me to stay, even threatening suicide if I left him.

Then he’d say I COULDN’T break up with him even if I tried, that he wouldn’t LET me. He’d declare to everyone everywhere that I was “his” girl and that no one had better come near me. I once had a guy I didn’t even know, at a party, tell me not to stand too close to him because he didn’t want to die. SMH. It got to the point where he would literally stalk me after I’d attempted to break up with him. He’d even have his friends “looking out” for me and messing things up for me if I tried to talk to other guys at the club when I went out (never mind that I was actually sleeping with some of those friends during our “breakups”, they still put on a front of helping him out). They’d go up to whatever guy I was talking to and tell him I had a boyfriend whilst looking intimidating. Gee thanks guys. :p

Of course I was also emotionally involved at that point and did a few crazy things myself! He once walked out of a house party on me with another girl and I flipped. The guys working the door restrained me from going out after them and wouldn’t let me leave but I found her car in a parking lot later and smashed it up in a drunken rage. Some of the things I did that night aren’t even repeatable, but let me tell you it’s not stuff I am proud of and there were other incidents.

There’s so much more to that volatile relationship and thankfully I’ve never had another like it before or after, but I did really struggle with jealousy afterwards. It became difficult to trust guys for even little things because I’d spent a year and a half on and off with this guy who put me through the emotional wringer.

When I went away to college (and old dude was safely away in prison, finally, on drug charges and terroristic threat of a police officer) I tried to date a completely opposite type of guy. I had some insecurities and paranoia about being cheated on by that point. Even then, one of the first guys I was with and I were sitting watching the movie “Basic Instinct” with Sharon Stone in someone’s parents lake house and I remember him commenting that his old girlfriend had gotten angry with him for watching the sex scene in that movie. I was totally bewildered. Why would she be upset about actors on a screen?

I didn’t find out the answer to that question until I dated my ex-husband. I saw him as this upstanding guy who would “never” think of cheating yet I became that woman I never wanted to be, the Jealous Bitch. I wonder now if my insecurities weren’t amplified by the fact that he really WASN’T that attracted to me but I was sooo paranoid! I was positive, every time he so much as LOOKED at another woman that he was plotting to leave me. Pictures in a magazine became a very real seeming threat to me, due to his self -proclaimed “porn addiction”. Even watching a movie I was concerned about who he was looking at. Now I knew what it was like to be that girlfriend who worried while watching a sensual movie. Every time another woman so much as talked to him or stood too close, I was filled with fear. It was bad. Really bad. Yet, years later I look back on some of those incidents and wonder if my intuition wasn’t telling me something about him that I didn’t want to admit. The man was NOT really into me, it was a front, but he asked me to marry him anyway.

Anyhow, I like to think I am long over it. I have come SUCH a long way and got so much better at not being jealous as my marriage wore on. Some of it though, was due to loss of feeling and a connection. Somehow now, I am managing to take part in an OPEN relationship but I can’t say I never worry. Still if the Professor sits there and tells me he thinks some naked woman on the swinger site is “hot” I am relatively unaffected. Yay!

I kinda wonder about him though, lol. Last night we were watching Criminal Minds and he was surprised that I knew Shemar Moore’s last name. Well yeah, lmao, he’s pretty damn good looking!! Especially, when you compare him to the entire rest of the cast, lol, it’s like DAMN HE IS HOT, haha. He finally admitted that if he had to comment on a guy that he agrees with that one. Mmmm….yeah….as I was saying….

So how about you? How has jealousy or not affected your life? Do you struggle with it? Is your relationship closed or open? I think it’s a very real emotion and something we all have to deal with and face at some point in our life.

On being a slut

So I’ve been called a slut before. Big deal, right? I like sex. Apparently that’s a bad thing for a woman in our society, no matter how much we are told otherwise.

Honestly, I find the male attitude towards female sexuality rather puzzling and disturbing. I say the male attitude, because, let’s be real, when a woman calls another woman a “slut” it’s usually code for “I hate that stupid bitch” for whatever reason, or “stay away from my man”. That’s it. Women don’t really care how many people you’ve slept with if they consider you a FRIEND or feel neutral towards you as a person. It’s only if you are an arch enemy or a sexual threat that it becomes a concern. Movie stars are only sluts if your boyfriend is attracted to them or you just don’t like them in general to begin with.

So if a woman calls me a slut I know she either hates my guts or is afraid I’m after her guy. Ok, no big deal and I’m either going to roll my eyes or smirk upon hearing her declaration. Yawn. Unless she’s trying to start a fight, in which case, well, I’m too old for that shit, lol, please. I know she’s only jealous.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about MEN, and their reason for using this terminology. From men, being called a “slut” has a completely different connotation. Men are actually CONCERNED with the number of guys you have slept with. Like, for real. WTF right?

How is this even relevant? Does sleeping with 1 person, or 10 people, or 50, or 100 REALLY make a difference in what kind of person you are, how likely you are to cheat, or what your specific relationship to THAT guy is going to be? I don’t think so!

I don’t care how many clueless guys keep posting statuses on how “you can’t make a ho a housewife” on their Facebook wall, it’s simply not a theory that is grounded in reality. Now, I will agree that you can’t MAKE her be one, but if she chooses, of her own free will, to be a monogamous housewife, her past is IRRELEVANT. A woman who has only fucked a few people in her past is JUST as capable of cheating on you as one who went wild and crazy with it and did the whole damn town. Maybe even less so, hey, she’s sown her wild oats already, JUST LIKE YOU. So often these sentiments come straight from the mouths of men who’ve been around the block a few hundred times themselves.

In any case, men will think of you as a slut or not regarding the sheer number of people you’ve slept with and what you have done. Of course their viewpoint widely varies according to their own experience level, but generally they want you to have slept with fewer people than they themselves have. EYEROLL. Like, if he’s been with 50 people and you’ve done 15, you are probably okay, but don’t you dare say 51, if you want to have any kind of relationship. It’s pertinent you find out his number FIRST so you don’t say something stupid.

Are there more open minded guys out there? Of course but guaranteed it STILL bugs him if your number is higher than his. This is why I refuse to even discuss numbers anymore with a guy.

Now don’t get me wrong, most guys will be more than happy to sleep with you if they perceive you as a “slut”. In fact, this will turn them on even more but if you are looking for commitment and a real relationship it seems to be better to play the role of the reluctant and demure maiden.

I find this Madonna/whore complex simply MADDENING. It’s absurd! Comments like “I wouldn’t want her to kiss my children with that mouth” are a dime a dozen out there. In fact, I’ve gotten little “lectures” from guys on dating sites where I checked “casual sex” as one of the options. Men telling me that I shouldn’t be asking for casual sex. Seriously. Thanks dude, for all your “concern”, but I happen to LIKE it.

Do you ever hear any such thing from women? Do we perceive a man who has been sleeping with different girls as worthless? Hardly. Sure, women will sometimes “complain” about it but often set out to be the one who finally tames the beast. Men insist on looking at a “slut” as damaged goods. Somehow, sexual experience takes away your ability to be good relationship material. That in itself seems so off. A person who has slept around has MORE relationship experience to fall back on. Granted that sometimes comes with baggage, but the same is true for men and ONE bad relationship can leave a person with enough baggage to bog down their life if they don’t learn to let it go.

So anyway, if you are polyamorous or a swinger or running around in more enlightened sexual circles this shouldn’t be a problem right? You wouldn’t think so, but I STILL come across it! Take the other night with the Professor. We got into talking about a couple of past sexual experiences. Among his was a time when he slept with three women at once. He told me the story in detail. Still, when I started to talk about my own experiences he told me that was “TMI”. ::: blink, blink ::: He didn’t want to know!

He also has chastised me for meeting men off Craigslist. Apparently this is somehow more slutty than meeting HIM off of a swinger site. Um, okay? Oh, and when I was considering a threesome with my fuck buddy and another guy and mentioned it to him he made sure to tell me he would NEVER include me in such a thing. This is from a guy who has threesomes with men and their wives regularly. I’m soooo confused!! Why is it any worse for me? I could understand him feeling jealous at the thought of me with two other men when he wasn’t there, and that is one of the reasons I kind of backed down from the idea, but to learn that he would never want to see me in that position with him and another guy was kind of eye opening.

The Professor is also always trying to make like my relationship with my fuck buddy is based on the guy treating me like crap. He can’t wrap his head around the fact that I am equally as interested in a no strings attached thing as the guy. No really, I don’t WANT it to turn emotional. I am perfectly happy with our fuck and leave arrangement. It’s like he just can’t believe that women also sometimes can benefit from that. I am a very emotional person, with SOME people, but I reserve that for those that I care about on a different level. You would think knowing that I am less attached to the other guy than him would help him feel better about things but it actually seems to bug him more.

It’s not just him either!! The Love of My Life found out some things I had done in the past, like 15 years ago, from one of his brothers and was upset by it. Really? When you were THERE back then, know I was no angel and doing just as crazy stuff as me? Come on now!

The other thing that drives me nuts is when men say “I want a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets”. No, you don’t! Quit lying!! Y’all are full of shit!! LOL The minute YOUR “lady” gets too freaky you FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Just sayin….

Ladies, I know you all know what I’m talking about because SO OFTEN when I have tried to do something more freaky with a guy I am in a relationship with or been too aggressive about seeking out sex, they put me back in my place. They may have SAID they want you to initiate things or whatever but the minute you actually TRY this you get a comment like “what are you doing?” Um….nothing….really….nevermind….Im just gonna lay here and let you decide when you want to have sex, lol. SORRY. Being a sexual pursuer as a female just doesn’t go over like it does in the movies. Men don’t like it!!

What absolutely kills me is that men seem to want women they like to appear totally virginal, even when they KNOW damn well you aren’t! Like the guy I met on AFF (ADULT Friend Finder is a sex site, for those who don’t already know) who, after drinks and being invited back to my house and making out with me on the couch, asked me if I was “really okay” with him touching my boobs and if it wasn’t “going too fast”. Like, really dude? Are we in middle school? I don’t even remember anyone saying stuff like that to me back then! Haha….

Oh, and then there was the guy off the swinger site. He’d driven 4 hours to meet me. We’d had dinner and gone back to his hotel room. I’d brought a bag to stay overnight. We’d been talking about sexual stuff for over an hour. I went into the bathroom and changed into my sexy lingerie and walked out into the bedroom area. He came over onto the bed and we were making out. Then he stops to ask me if I was “really okay” with this. I said yes. So he asks me AGAIN, TWICE, if I was “really sure” I wanted to have sex. Um, do I LOOK like I want to have sex? Then he was like “you seem nervous”. Um, no dude, YOU are nervous, lol. GAH!! I swear at that point I was about ready to tell him no, just forget it and drive me home. By the third time I was seriously wondering if he actually wanted to have sex with ME and if he was somehow not into the way I looked in my lingerie. Was there something wrong with my body? Did he not want to fuck? What the hell? LOL

I guess he wanted me to play more innocent than I actually am. That seems to be the case with men in general, really. Play dumb, play innocent, this works and makes them happy, and they wonder why women are “hard to get”? Well, duh, because GUYS have been telling us for ages that we shouldn’t be too quick to sleep with you. Pick up almost any relationship book written from a man’s viewpoint and he’s telling you if you want respect you need to wait until you’ve been dating for awhile to have sex and blah, blah, blah. Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.

Pssshhhh….quit complaining guys, you dug your own hole. We know damn well if we throw ourselves at you or let you know just how fun all of our previous sexual exploits were, you’ll never consider us for a relationship. And that’s what every woman WANTS, deep down, I don’t care how “slutty” she is, she wants to develop REAL RELATIONSHIPS, not JUST sexual ones (though occasional flings or NSA things are fine). So we learn how to put up a front, for your benefit. If you don’t want that then stop asking for it. Don’t shame her when she tells you about her past and let her be herself. Don’t use the number of guys she’s been with or amount of things she has done as your ruler and measuring stick to what kind of person she’ll be. There are great women who’ve had a lot of sex and total bitches who’ve done the same thing. The same can be said of virgins! Sexual experience does not define character. I’m starting to sound like Bill Clinton, ha.

Seriously though, sluttiness isn’t always a bad thing. You may miss out on a great girl because you rated her sexuality as being negative. Fear of female sexuality is why you might not be getting any right now.

While I’m at it, stop assuming that every female who sleeps around HAS to want to sleep around with every guy she meets. A woman who likes sex doesn’t have to be indiscriminate about it. Most times, we AREN’T. We still don’t want to fuck most guys and are still going to be picky. Deal with it. Because she fucked some guys you know doesn’t mean you have a hall pass to fuck her too. It’s not necessarily going to happen. Likewise just because she is “slutty” doesn’t mean she wants to do every sexual act that you do. Maybe she sleeps with a lot of guys, but still hates anal. You might have better luck with that girl who has only been with 2 guys before in her life. You just NEVER know about people.

Again, lots of sex doesn’t equal all your fantasies come true. People are individuals, treat them as so. Quit painting women as Madonnas or whores. The best of us are a bit of both. I’ve been the housewife and the ho. They really can be mutually exclusive. The question is can you be the bad boy that is also a nice guy? Cause that’s what I want, dammit! 😉

Confessions of a cheater

I never dreamed I would be a cheater. When I got married I planned to stay that way, for life. I was more worried that HE might be tempted to cheat than myself. After all, I “would never do that”. Plus I was marrying a man who was going into ministry, we were at church three times a week, both of us were Sunday school teachers, we were making a solid commitment to each other and it just wasn’t even an option. I looked down on people who cheated actually. Ouch. Sometimes life has a way of humbling us.

Prior to meeting the man who would become my husband I was actually pretty wild sexually. I had cheated a couple of times in my life already, but I thought I was beyond that now. Now that I’d become a Christian, now that I was older (well I was barely 21 when we married but I felt mature), now that I’d stopped drinking and smoking pot and running around with the wrong crowd, now I was ready to be serious, and that meant keeping my promises.

My ex- husband was never jealous. He never seemed concerned that I would be less than exemplary or consider cheating, which is really kind of amazing considering my background. I was actually a bit perturbed at his lack of jealousy, but because of my own determination I avoided anything that remotely gave the impression to any other men I might be interested. I barely even looked men in the eye when speaking to them, because I didn’t want them to get the wrong idea. I kept everything very platonic and avoided situations where I might be alone with another man.

I was actually the jealous one. I struggled with fears that he would see another woman and be tempted to cheat, exacerbated by his seeming lack of interest in me sexually. I’d also dated a guy in the past that cheated every chance he could get and who, the minute I’d turn my back would be hitting on my friends or getting the phone number of another woman. He’d actually gotten someone else pregnant while we were together, which caused us to finally breakup. He wasn’t the only one. I’d had no less than THREE previous boyfriends get someone pregnant while we were together. Nice. I’m not sure there is any worse way to end a relationship.

Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure EVERY guy I’d ever dated even somewhat seriously had cheated on me. Every. Single. One. Not a good track record at all. No wonder I couldn’t trust men very well. I’d also slept with guys who had girlfriends on more than one occasion. I’d watched one guy after another cheating on whoever they were with, whether it was with me or my girlfriends, and I never said a word. It had become “normal” in my life and expected. Granted I was running around with some very deviant folks, but nevertheless that was my reality. Once I’d even slept with an older man who I later found out was married. Oops. On my part though, I’d had no idea. Even then I took marriage more seriously.

So anyway, I went into my marriage with the expectation of it lasting forever, and high hopes that he would be the one guy who’d never cheat. I never dreamed that I’d be the one to break those vows. For the first 10 years of my marriage, despite the lack of sexual interaction and feeling rejected by my husband, I was faithful to a fault. My behavior was beyond reproach regarding the opposite sex. I didn’t even allow myself to flirt with other men. Then it all changed.

It was on Myspace that I came across the man who I later came to call The Love of My Life. He was an old friend from my teenage years, someone I had a little bit of a bond to, but back then we’d never been in love. We’d had sex a couple of times but for the most part we were friends. It was a friendship with sexual overtones but we were both so busy having sex with whoever back then that I don’t think it really mattered that we weren’t doing it very often with each other. I’d come to consider him more of a friend than a lover, though I can remember the summer before I left for college, his girlfriend befriending me out of probable fear that I would sleep with him. I’m sure it may have seemed that way but I respected their relationship and because she was nice to me didn’t allow it to go there during that time.

The first time we’d had sex was actually the first time I’d ever cheated on someone in my life. I was 15 years old and had a boyfriend of questionable morals. He’d actually come up with a hickey on his neck the day before but I gave his bullshit story the benefit of the doubt and was still attempting to be faithful.

A couple of boys I knew had picked me up in the middle of a rainstorm and taken me to their house where there were lots of guys and only a few females hanging out. It wasn’t really a party, but sort of. Even though I’d be staying the night I had no intention of sexual activity. Several of the guys tried to coerce me to no avail. “No, I have a boyfriend, I’m not cheating on him” was the refrain. Other people were having sex in different rooms, but not me.

Finally, the one who would later become the Love of My Life came over to me. He sat there and tried to convince me I should have sex with him for like FOUR HOURS. I looked into those beautiful brown eyes and told him no, over and over and over, but he was persistent. His charming ways and sensual demeanor eventually weakened my reserve. Besides, he’d always been a sweetheart to me at school and it was hard to resist.

Afterwards, I felt the need to be honest about my indiscretion, so I told the guy I was dating what had happened. He became insanely angry and picked me up by my throat, slamming me up against my garage door and nearly choking me to death. I was afraid for my life and he said “I ought to kill you”, but finally let go. I relayed this to the guy I had cheated with and my now EX boyfriend got taken care of. He was jumped at a party soon after and I avoided him from then on.

In any case the Love of My Life and I remained friends, only sleeping together a couple of times before I left for college, though I’d slept with and had relationships with some of his brothers. I’d watched him cheat on girlfriends, though he was slick about it and discreet. He’d seen me sleep around and once burst into laughter when I’d had sex with a guy on his bed and heard me joking with a girlfriend about it afterwards. As much sex as we were having, we were both the type to keep it on the down low and put on a proper front to most of the world. We both knew how to keep things secret from those who shouldn’t know. Once he’d even joined in a little mini gangbang with me and two of his brothers. Shhhhh….

Years later, I knew there was no way he was actually faithful to his wife. When he told me via email that things were “rocky” with her I knew it was a hint. Still, I wasn’t ready. I knew, deep down, that he would keep my secrets but I didn’t want to be a woman that cheated on my husband or messed up things with my family. So we messaged back and forth and got closer but it was still under the guise of “friendship”. I rationalized that this was okay, because he really was a friend from my past.

It took 8 months before we actually had sex. I was still clinging to the idea of friendship though he’d made no bones that he felt this relationship was developing into something more. He’d come on, I’d resist. It was like that first night all over again, but it took much longer.

When I was home visiting once we decided to go out for coffee. I brought my toddler with me and had every intention of keeping it “platonic”. I made him promise not to try anything on me beforehand and he agreed. The chemistry between us was electric but he held to his promise, only hugging me at the end and I’ll admit it was hard to let go.

The next time I was back home we met up again, this time at his house, in the middle of the night. He was in his pajamas and his wife was away on a business trip, his toddler was asleep on the living room floor. I’d snuck out to be with him. This had every possibility of turning into something more than friendly and we both knew it but I still didn’t want to believe I was capable of cheating on my husband. So we hung out, cuddling on the couch and eventually it turned into kisses. I couldn’t believe I was going there. He backed me up against the wall with obvious sexual intent and I panicked. I bolted out the door and called him on the phone. I couldn’t do this, it was wrong. I didn’t want to cheat and I couldn’t believe I’d let myself kiss him. I asked if he felt guilty and he said no.

He wasn’t angry with me for leaving and after that our emails got progressively more sexual. I didn’t have a cell phone back then and only had dial up so that was how we mostly communicated. He sent me a naughty video of himself and I was shocked, but liked it more than I want to admit, lol. We’d share fantasies and erotic stories with each other. By the next time we met I knew we’d be having sex. It was planned. I was fully on board with sleeping with him. Not to mention it was my 11th wedding anniversary and my husband didn’t want to do anything. As usual there was no sex. We were visiting my family and he’d gone to sleep when I snuck out of the house.

Here is a excerpt of something the Love of My Life wrote about that night:

I sat in my car in my silk pjs, waiting for her to arrive in a dark, empty, park parking lot. My heart thumped with every passing head light, in anticipation of it being her. Finally, after a few minutes… that seemed like hours, she arrived, like daybreak in a railway tunnel.

She stepped out of the van into the warm, breezy night air, wearing nothing but white, high heeled sandals, a light summer dress that ended just above the knees and a pretty smile. Yep she was all that, with a 5 foot 6 petite frame, long beautiful flowing hair and a smell so intoxicating that it instantly aroused me.

She took a few steps closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. We hugged one another body to body and the warm night air blew strands of her hair into my face. One kiss lead to another. The kisses were almost too much to handle because I could feel her body begin to tremble. Small moans left her lips and in no time I was running my tongue over her neck and between her breasts. She smelled so good!

I reached my hand under her dress and found her naked underneath, just like she had promised. Nothing was there except for bare ass… her soaking wet sex waiting for me. Everything seemed to be so intense… every kiss, every touch and every breath. For me things seem to be so much more intense when I know that I am not supposed to be doing something. We were definitely not supposed to be together that night. That evening was tested… but we made it happen.

While we embraced one another and as I explored her body at will, extremely bright lights interrupted our moment of passion. That’s right, Mr. Officer showed up. To make a long story short, we left on a quest to find a more private place.

After driving to the lake and running into the same officer, we settled at another park and another parking lot on the North side of town. We exited out of our vehicles and continued where we had left off. It did not matter if there were cars driving by and house lights still on, not to mention a bright streetlight illuminating the park… we wanted one another and we wanted one another bad!

The kissing started again and I pushed her against the car, hiking her dress up. I slowly and carefully slid inside her. With each touch, my lips took a breath…. Another kiss and another breath was taken until finally she was panting, trying to catch each breath that I had taken from her. Her erratic breathing sent me over the edge. I turned her around and thrust in her from behind, loving every moment of stolen pleasure. Wow!!! What sweet, sweet memories.

That was the start of a deepening relationship between he and I that has lasted for nearly 5 years, through my divorce and through many ups and downs. We became very emotionally attached to one another and he brought excitement to my life and a feeling of closeness that I was never able to get from my ex, who barely communicated with me. It took a long time before I confessed about the lack of sex and things going on in my marriage. He was there for me when I went through my divorce and without his support it would have been much more difficult.

I didn’t get caught or leave because of my affair. My marriage ended when my ex fell in love with another woman and decided his obsession with her was more important than our marriage. Strangely enough, he never had sex with her. Maybe it was just an excuse but he was willing to divorce over it whilst I had felt it necessary to hold things together for the sake of our children. I was actually relieved.

At the end my ex had said he could only be attracted to me if I would do things like sleep with other men and let him watch or know about it. If only he knew, but I never told. I never trusted him enough to open up that part of my life. I suspected he might turn it against me. He wanted me to have sex with others so he could view me as a “whore” instead of a “Madonna” and that would get him off. I wasn’t willing to share someone special with him or allow myself to be degraded.

So I held on to my secret and I’m glad I did. Still, I would rather not make commitments I can’t keep regarding fidelity and hence the lifestyle I live now, which is more open. I no longer judge cheaters though, because I understand where they are coming from. I’m learning that lesson over and over again “never say never” and you don’t truly know what you will do in a given situation until you’ve been there yourself.