Well, things have come to a final close with the Professor. My hope is gone and I know it’s over. He tried to act polite and maybe even lead me on a little with our most recent discussion, but I asked a male friend to look over our texting transcript and give me his honest opinion.
Basically, he told me I was giving too much weight to the little scraps of hope and that the Prof was being a tad dishonest. Like one time I asked him straight out if a comment he made meant he still liked me and he said “sure”. I asked “sure? lol “ and he claimed his phone had changed his “yes” answer to “sure”. Considering the possibility of that is about zero, yeah, he had to be full of shit.
Anyhow, the whole interaction left me feeling pretty awful, even though he purported to be having a hard time too. His actions belied his words. Without a man to interpret that for me I probably would have continued grasping at straws. It was hard to accept reality, but it also took a huge weight off my shoulders.
I’m finally done. I don’t think there is any going back now, even if he changed his mind. The respect I had for him has kinda gone out the window and I feel betrayed and hurt and don’t want to mess with it again. I asked him to delete the videos he has of me and he said he would. Then I told him to forget he ever met me. He gave some lame reply about how he wouldn’t forget, which I didn’t respond to. As far as I’m concerned he can fuck off.
I broke down and cried after the conversation, and again last night when my head hit the pillow, but it’s different. I don’t want him back. I have no desire to check up on him, I just want to stay far, far away. Only once do I remember having a breakup this painful and it hurt me for YEARS. I can’t allow that to happen.
My self -esteem has taken quite a blow but Lovergirl always hits the ground running. I’ve got an interesting new prospect in the wings. Actually, he is someone off the swinger site that has an uncanny resemblance to the Professor. I almost ignored him because of that and the issues I’ve been having with him but decided not to let that affect my decision.
In an interesting twist of fate, he has also been validated on the site by the married woman that sees the Professor. I’m not sure what that means exactly, as he has a LOT of very positive sounding references from the ladies. I have no idea how well they might know each other but he does live up in her general direction.
At first this kind of put me off, because I’d like to avoid dabbling in the Professor and this woman’s social circle for the time being, but at the same time, if I want to hook up with anyone off that site or at parties it is probably something I will have to face eventually. SO, I’m like, fuck it, I’ll just do my thing and not worry about that.
I had sex once before, with a man who had been validated by the married lady. She had great things to say about him online but he and I didn’t hit it off very well at all. He drove 4 hours and got a hotel to come fuck me but it wasn’t the greatest experience. I didn’t find him to be my “type” and he didn’t follow through on the promises he made for the bedroom. Like he said he would give me a full body massage and go down on me. Never happened. The most exciting moment of the night was when the condom snapped off and got lost inside me for a minute. I also can’t assume that just because we have the same taste in the Prof we’d be similar with other guys. Still I’m sure there are going to be SOME overlaps in that area.
Anyhow, let me tell you all about the new guy. I’m kind of excited, but well, you’ve seen how that plays out for me sometimes. Don’t want to jump the gun here too much! Trying to keep in mind that it may be another let down, but it’s fun to imagine anyway.
The recent prospect lives a few hours away. We haven’t met yet and due to circumstances it will be a couple of weeks before we do. His car is in the shop because of a minor accident and I’m expecting my period to arrive next week (unless it’s 6 days late again!) In any case it seems like forever right now but we have been doing a lot of texting and I like his personality.
His rave reviews on the site are definitely a big factor in my interest, lmao. A few women mentioned his expertise in using all of his tools properly and how he rocked their world. Yeah, I can handle that ;). His looks, well, at first I thought he looked a little too much like the Professor, but on closer observance I’d say he’s objectively better looking. I don’t think most people would be all “damn he’s hot” when looking at a picture of the Prof but my emotions colored my response to him.
So “hot” wasn’t my first thought but he is definitely do-able. He has some kind of job that involves strategic planning at an Army headquarters and I guess he’s the boss. He also flew a helicopter in Iraq and Afghanistan, which is pretty damn cool, so from now on I’ll probably refer to him as “the Pilot”.
He’s been in “the Lifestyle” for 4 years, and is 40 years old. According to him, he would love to find a woman that would attend parties with him occasionally. I’m not opposed to that, just need to watch out that I don’t end up in a similar situation as I did with the Professor, if we do hit it off. I’ve asked him a few questions to try and see where his head is at and so far so good. He tries not to get emotionally attached but loves the feeling of connection with the women he plays with.
Sexually, we seem, so far, to be a really good match. He likes to dominate, and our likes and dislikes appear to be similar. He’s not particularly into anal, can take it or leave it (yay!) and loves to eat pussy (my kind of man!). He asked me what my “limits” are and that question always throws me for a loop because you are never sure what kinds of activities they are imagining. Apparently my answers were entertaining. Like I said that I didn’t like anyone biting my nipples, no fisting, don’t slap me in the face or call me names and he laughed and said he wasn’t planning anything like that!
He did admit to having fucked quite a few wives and having it videotaped and he said he doesn’t mind incidental contact with males but doesn’t want any intentional touching. This led me to ask if he has tried DVP (double vaginal penetration). I have no interest in it myself but am kind of morbidly curious since the Prof and another man have told me they have done so. Sure enough, he says he has, twice, with one couple. He said the woman really enjoyed it but it wasn’t particularly his thing or anything. Gosh, this is more common than I would have thought, or else he and the Prof and the other dude are all talking about the same couple! Ha!
He told me an interesting story about a swinger party he attended in a small town about an hour and a half away that has a population of like 2,000. I guess they had a party there a couple of years ago that was specifically for white women who were into black men. It was on a farm out in the middle of nowhere, and he says he fucked 7 women in a row and ended up breaking the couple’s bed. Hmmm… haha. Well, at least we know he’s got some stamina.
In any case, he’s planning on driving here, getting a hotel for the night and taking me out to dinner and for drinks. I’m looking forward to it. In the meantime, he texts quite a lot and keeps telling me how interested in me he is, so I guess that’s good news. Hopefully nothing gets ruined during our two week wait.
His pictures were nice but the first pic he sent of his cock I was thinking it didn’t look all that big. Yet, he made a comment about how my pics made “all 8 ½ inches stand up” so maybe it’s an illusion. Also I was thinking he needed a trim around the pubic area but maybe it was just the lighting and background because the next pic didn’t look bad. Idk, I kinda like a bit of manscaping because it’s easier for me to do what I wanna do to him, but I’m not asking him to shave it all off or anything. Actually, not saying a word, haha, but thinking. Maybe it was the lighting effect of the supposed pubic fro that made his junk look shorter than he says.
Wish me luck though, it seems so far that this one has some promise to develop into something fun and maybe more than just a one night stand. In the meantime I have to figure out what I am going to do with myself this weekend! I have been chatting back and forth a bit with a guy that says he takes Boudoir photos, but he is going to be gone too. I know that sounds sketchy and I even met him through Craigslist, but he actually seems pretty professional and you sign forms and whatnot and get a cd of touched up images. He’s trying to build a portfolio. I would so love to have some pics like that of myself.
I don’t know, despite my insane amount of horniness lately (I haven’t had sex in 3 weeks!!) I may decide to take a little healing break and spend some time alone or shopping for cute clothes and lingerie or even a new vibrator, rather than go on a date this weekend. Don’t count on it though, will see what happens next. 😉