Tag Archive | bad sex

Took a trip, and am I tripping?

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I haven’t even had a chance to tell you all about another man in my life! We will call him Chicago. He lives here in my city half the time, but travels back and forth to his home in Chicago every couple of weeks. He works from home doing some kind of computer engineering, but prefers living there, to here (where his child is) so he has condos in both places.

Actually, he recently flew ME to Chicago to stay with him for a weekend! He wined and dined me and took me to my first comedy show- to see Cedric the Entertainer. It was an exciting weekend for me, with getting to travel and experience new things. His condo has a beautiful view of Lake Michigan and he took me to a delicious steak house, where he dropped well over $200 for dinner.

Here’s the view of Lake Michigan from his condo:
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And my lovely bubbling drink at the steak house:

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I’d had some car troubles, thanks to my teenager (long story), so Chicago covered rental vehicles for me to take my kids to their dads, and also paid for my gas. His brother drove me to the airport. Obviously, this guy is doing alright financially. 😉

Actually, he’s been probably more of a Sugar Daddy than any of the others, buying and giving me things here and there. He gave me a brand new printer for my computer and bought me a shawl so I wouldn’t need to borrow his jacket when we go out. He’s taken me out for lots of dinners at nice restaurants and to the movies several times.

Sounds fabulous right? Well, not quite. I’m really, just not feeling this guy. I just can’t bring myself to LIKE him that much. I’m trying, really I am, but it’s just not there.

He’s obviously doting on me, and being a nice person. He claims to like me a lot. Yet, some things just really bug me. I’ve finally figured out that he reminds me of my ex husband.

He reminds me of him in SEVERAL ways. One, is how he acts in the bedroom. We just can’t seem to have good sex. There is like, NO chemistry. He’s doing some of the same things that other guys do, at least trying to be good, but it’s just not working for me! It’s so weird.

One of the things that bothers me, is that he just doesn’t seem to be able to, or maybe he’s just not interested in, reading my body language. If I don’t like something, and try to make it clear, he just keeps trying to do the same damn thing!

Like he has an obsession with trying to lick my nipples. Sometimes I like that, but not the way he does it. He will lunge toward my nipples with his tongue flicking out and I am like cringing. I’ll kind of push him away and he comes back again in full force. So I actually covered my nipples with my hands and he tried to pull them off! I wouldn’t let him so he’s laughing about it, what you don’t like that? I said they feel sensitive and now he harrasses me about it, major turnoff. He is constantly trying to do what I have made clear I wasn’t feeling.

What’s crazy is that my ex husband would try to do that very same thing and act the very same way about it- annoyed with ME for not enjoying something. Get over it already and quit trying to do something I’m obviously not liking! Sheesh!

That’s just one example. The rest of the sex just isn’t working well either. I just don’t like it.

I’m sure some of it, is that he’s just NOT the Cohort. I’m emotionally attached and it makes it hard for me to be with someone new. I only started seeing this guy after the last miscarriage, when I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with he and I.

Still, it’s not just the bedroom where he’s acting insensitive. He doesn’t seem to pay any attention to the things I SAY to him. It’s like he cuts me off or changes the subject or just says “uh-huh” like I’m not saying anything interesting. It’s very upsetting to me to not feel heard when I am talking. That too, is very much like my ex, who brushed off anything I wanted to talk about (outside of the Bible or politics) as unimportant.

He also has a tendency to over-explain things to me, like he thinks I am an idiot or something. It makes me feel like a child. He took me to a park the other day (and to eat afterwards) and insisted on looking up the history of the park on his phone and reading to me about how it was donated by some woman whose husband owned a biscuit factory, like he was giving me a lesson. TOTALLY like my ex husband, who was always lecturing about something.

He actually wanted to talk about scripture on our last date. Uggggghhh… he said because it was something “different” than what most people talk about and he thought it would be a nice change of pace. I spent 15 years talking about the Bible. I didn’t want to be rude but I really didn’t feel like elaborating on my thoughts about various passages of scripture. It felt torturous.

He wants to hold hands, and be “romantic” all the time but it makes my skin crawl. I feel guilty, but I can’t help it! It’s frustrating.

Anyway, when we got back to his place, I decided to play a little game, just to test and see if he actually does listen to anything I say. I asked him some questions about myself to see if he knew the answers to any of them, all things I had told him before. I was like what color are my eyes? He said “blue” (we were in candlelight and my eyes are green). I asked how many siblings do I have, where did I go to high school, what did I major in in college? He got them ALL wrong. Then I let him ask me stuff and I got every single answer RIGHT. Because I actually freaking LISTEN when someone is talking to me!

It bothers me so much, that I don’t know if I can stand it much longer, even with all the perks. His birthday is coming up soon and he has decided he wants me to make him a picnic with wine and grapes and strawberries that we feed each other on a blanket outside, and then I give him backrubs. It sounds kind of like Hell on earth. Not sure how to get out of it without being rude though.

I guess all this kind of explains why my trip to Chicago, while fun in some ways, just wasn’t what it was cracked up to be. The whole time I was really missing the Cohort and wishing he was the one with me. We would have had SO much fun, doing those exact same things together. Heck, I can have a blast with the Cohort at the grocery store! Lol

Chicago took me to the store with him the other day and I was miserable. He took like an hour to buy stuff and it was soooo boring. It reminded me of being a kid and getting dragged along on errands with old people. Bleah.

I was positively aching for the Cohort the whole time I was away in Chicago. He didn’t even know I was gone (it was two days, one night) but I missed him something awful. Then he called, right as I was boarding the plane. I told him where I was and actually ended up getting MAD at him for no reason. I think it was just all that pent up resentment that I was spending my time with someone else, when he was who I’d rather be sharing all this with. At that time we were trying not to have sex with each other.

We couldn’t talk after the plane took off, so I stewed on my thoughts for awhile and finally figured out that was what it was. So I told him the truth and said I missed you and the whole time I was here I wanted to be with you. Being with this guy was mostly meant to take my mind OFF of him, but it hasn’t been working very well.

Are we done yet?

bad in bed

http://snarkysnatch.wordpress.com/2012/02/12/thoughts-i-have-during-bad-sex/

Bad sex, now here’s something I’ve had a lot of experience with!! I love this blog post by snarkysnatch. It’s amazing how often those romps in the sack turn out to be more than a little disappointing. I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve been there wondering when it will be over with!! No wonder I rarely complained about my ex- husband only lasting 3 minutes each time. It was like sheesh, at least that’s all I have to endure of THIS. I wonder when he’ll be done so I can go pretend to clean up and masturbate in the shower?

Seriously though, whether it’s due to bad chemistry or bad technique or just a bad mood, bad sex just sucks! Or, more often, it doesn’t suck, or lick, or do anything that involves his mouth on the most important part of my body!

One of my huge pet peeves is men who don’t go down. What the hell dude? How can you ever expect me to think you are halfway decent in bed if you can’t even give me a little loving with your mouth? How would you like it if I never gave you a blow job? You think it’s okay to expect that but that my needs don’t need to be met? Wow. Amazing how often that little tidbit seems to fly right over guy’s heads. I go to the trouble of being shaved and clean and nice smelling and looking the best I can and it’s not just so you’ll stick a finger in there to see if I’m wet then ram it in after I’ve been sucking your dick for 20 minutes. EYEROLL.

It’s not just guys that don’t go down at all either but those who do it once in a while, or halfheartedly or they are really, really, good at it but once you start getting in a more serious relationship they start to become more and more selfish and frequently forget to please YOU. Then they complain about women losing their sex drives. Knock, knock, is anybody home in there?? If the sex is GOOD, I’m not gonna lose ANYTHING of the sort. I’m going to be BEGGING for more, frequently. If you get lazy and it’s a quickie every single time with you getting off and me getting nothing, well, yeah, I’m going to start to lose interest!

I don’t even HAVE to have a guy go down on me to have good sex but I really appreciate it when they do and find it offensive when they don’t bother. I shouldn’t have to ask, it should be a given. Yes, I’ve heard women out there say they don’t like when guys go down on them but I am figuring they just haven’t experienced a REALLY GOOD licking, lol. Mr. Married man, OH MY GOD. I’ve never experienced a tongue that nice in my life and once he did it while using my vibrator on me and I think I came like for 20 minutes straight, over and over and over and over. He’s even better with his cock, but we aren’t talking about that today, haha. 😉

So what else constitutes bad sex? Well, like I mentioned above sometimes it’s just bad chemistry. My ex- husband and I had horrible chemistry in bed. The problem was that we both wanted to be submissive. I’m very submissive in bed and want to be ravished. He wanted to lay on his back like a dead fish and have me ride him almost every time we had sex, despite me trying to tell him repeatedly that I liked to do other things better. I grew to HATE that position but I still do it some when guys want it’s just probably my least favorite. I like it much better if the guy is still somewhat in control.

My ex- husband hated doggy style because he said it made him feel like he was disrespecting me. He also wouldn’t let me go down on him because that made him feel guilty and when I wanted him to lick it he said that was only for lesbians. Hot stuff, let me tell you. Oh, and he once wanted me to spank HIM. Like he lay over my lap and I did it a few times but I can’t imagine being more turned off. I’m sure there are women out there who’d enjoy that but I am not one of them. BAD MATCH. He also would tell me to be quiet if I got the least bit excited or God forbid, expressed a little bit of pleasure in sex at all. The biggest problem though was that he completely IGNORED what I said I liked or didn’t like or the bodily clues that I tried to give. If someone is clearly feeling uncomfortable or asking you to stop licking her nipples like that because it tickles and you keep doing the same thing then it’s not going to produce a different result.

For me, sex with no emotion or passion behind it virtually never turns out to be good. I require some kind of emotional high or excitement to really get off. That doesn’t mean I have to be in love with the guy or that I can’t on a one night stand it just means there has to be more than jackhammering going on. I think that’s pretty typical for a lot of women.

I can think of a few recent scenarios involving lack of emotion where the sex just didn’t get me all hot and bothered. Like there was this guy that drove 4 hours to meet me from the swinger site and got a hotel and he was “okay” and “nice” but not really inspiring any kind of excitement or horniness. He asked me like 3 times if I really wanted to do this and it was starting to turn me off. Yet we had sex anyway. Of course I was wet (pretty much always seem to be whether I’m actually turned on or not) so he forgot about all his promises to go down on me and give me a great time and just slapped on the condom and went in. There was no preparation or foreplay and I was feeling DISAPPOINTED because he had promised me a nice massage and I never got it.

The sex was pretty much just in- out, in- out, in- out plunging until it started to feel kind of good for a minute and he pulled out saying he knew “that was feeling way too good”. Uh, yeah, the condom had shot off and gotten lost inside of me! I didn’t even know that could happen and at first tried to reach in with a finger but couldn’t get to it! After a bit it resurfaced enough that I could grab ahold of the edge and pull it out though. Scary!

My point though, is you know the sex sucked when he says “this is feeling too good” and stops. LMAO.

Of course I’ve had my share of guys that blow so quick you wonder what happened too. Like 1, 2, 3 pumps, YOUR’E OUT!! Did we just fuck? Seriously? How did he cum that fast? I hadn’t even had a chance to let out a moan and we are done already? Damn. See how much better that would have been if you’d gone down on me? Or at least used your fingers afterwards, or something? But no…and he’ll even tell you how hot it was later…

Then there’s the sex that lasts like AN HOUR and he’s just pumping away and pumping and you’re looking at the clock watching the minutes tick by and hoping he’ll let you move to a different position soon but he seems to think you like this while the condom is rubbing against you and you know you are going to be red and raw and sore but he seems to be enjoying himself. Did I mention I hate the feel of condoms, especially after a long session or like when the end of it is too loose and aggravating my cervix? Bleah….

You’re probably wondering if I like sex at all by now but I DO!! I LOVE IT. I love it when it’s GOOD. I love it when the guy takes the time to try and please me, I love it when he is dominating the hell out of me and MAKING me cum for him and I love it when I’m so lost in emotion and so deep in a sex trance that I feel like I’m drunk and high on the feelings it creates. The married guy can go for 4 hours and I am in HEAVEN enjoying it and never notice the clock. The same with the Professor, I’m so emotionally into it that it’s like an out of body experience. That kind of sex is hard to find!

Yes there are times when I am so horny that even mediocre sex will do. There were times when I was wanting sex so bad I’d just suck it up and come on to my ex -husband and ride the hell out of his dick even though he wasn’t seeming that into it and came quickly. There have been times when I’ve slept with a stranger or someone I didn’t even like that much just to get out a sexual urge and enjoyed it even if it wasn’t spectacular but bad sex is just bad sex.

Most of my experiences with bad sex have involved a guy who didn’t seem that into it or that into ME or wasn’t making an effort to make it FEEL GOOD to me. Like he was using me as a masturbatory aid or something and basically I’m just a hole to get off and not trying to make the experience good for both of us. I have a major need to feel the man’s passion and desire for me and to know my body and soul are WANTED.

There have been times too where a guy is going overboard trying to do all the right things but the FEELING just isn’t there. Like there was a guy I met awhile back who spent the majority of our date making me feel sorry for him and his situation with his ex- wife. I felt so bad that I agreed to sleep with him, thinking I wanted to cheer him up (dumb, I know) and he wasn’t bad looking. Still the sex just wasn’t that great at all. Half the time his erection kept going up and down and I think he would have been happy to just have me lick his balls and jack him off the entire time. That’s what he kept going back to. Not so exciting for ME. Still he went down on me but just did a not so great job and his stubble was rubbing against my very sensitive skin and scratching. Youch!

Of course there’s also the stereotypical guy who can’t find a clit to save his life. I’ve had PLENTY of those. Like they go down on you but they spend the entire time sticking their tongue up INSIDE you. This does what for me exactly? Errr…nothing actually. Or licking somewhere RIGHT NEXT to it and you keep trying to move up under him in a way that will help him get it right but he dodges you, wtf? Or he BITES it (ouch!! 😦 ) or licks so gently that it becomes irritating.

Yeah, I know women can be hard to please and I don’t claim to be an easy case. It does make me appreciate the men who pay attention to me and my body and signals even more though. At least that way I’m not wondering about the mark on the wall behind him (is that a booger? Ewwwww) or trying to pretend he’s someone else or inventing elaborate scenarios in my head so I can get off.

I appreciate that good sex doesn’t seem to come to men without practice. So in that sense I really love an experienced man in the bedroom more than one who is just starting out. I love the ones that really put forth the effort to learn about a woman’s body and how to make them feel good emotionally in bed as well. I get SO TURNED ON by the sound of a guy’s voice and the things he says and some of my favorite guys in bed have also been really vocal and good with the sweet talking (which I guess is like dirty talk but without the whore/bitch/cunt type comments that some women like but that turn me off).

Of course we all are so different and men are more different in the bedroom than they let on too. I think it’s hard to find a good match and sometimes even harder to let one go. Good dick is ad-dick-ting!! I’ve been having some issues with the Professor, but man, that is the hardest thing to not want to hang on to. He’s SO GOOD and we are so well matched in the bedroom that I can’t even describe it. I’m like on an emotional/sexual high the entire time we are in bed and for days afterwards. There’s that saying about how you get over one man by getting under another but there are only two men in my entire life that have been able to bring me to that level in bed, out of all the guys I’ve had sex with. My fuck buddy is great and I even cum with him and he’s made me squirt once and no one else has but it’s just not the same on the emotional level. Wah! 😦