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So since I’m on a sex ban for a week until the antibiotics have had the time to work their magic, I spent Saturday night with my old friend from out of town.  We went out to eat with one of her sisters at a nice restaurant, then did a little pub crawl and got properly sauced.

We had a blast, despite the lameness of the bars in this town.  Not just the bars themselves, but the people in them, lol.  It seems around here there is an age limit to partying and it cuts off somewhere around about age 23, making us feel ancient.  This is so NOT true of the town we grew up in and where she lives now.  There the “grown and sexy” are getting their groove on well into their old age, or at least way past their 30’s!

Also, I never see anyone DANCING at any of the clubs here.  They just like, stand there and talk?  Boring!! I guess that’s why I don’t make any real effort to hit the town when I don’t have a good reason, like an outside visitor to entertain. Still, we know how to make do, haha. 😉 

Pathetic pickup line of the night: “my friend has a ten inch dick”, said by some 20 something kid while pointing at his friend.  Didn’t bother to find out if that was true, for obvious reasons. We did have some guy, who said he was 28, buying us drinks and trying to dry hump my ass and grab on me at the bar. 

Overall though, it was a good place to be when you are carrying an STD and can’t have sex anyway, lol.  I pondered whether or not that might be a good way to get random guys off our back if necessary.  Hey, sorry, I have an STD, lmao.  But no, I didn’t actually say that.  Instead we pulled the standard slipping off to the restroom disappearing act. 

We had a good time and I told her a little bit about my current lifestyle.  I mentioned the swinging and at first she was mildly surprised but then laughed and was like “sounds just like you were in high school”.  Yep… 

She says she is kind of jealous, I guess because it sounds adventurous and fun.  Who knows, maybe I’ll convince her to give it a whirl, lol.  I told her about my pole dancing class too and she was like “I so wish we lived closer and could take it together!!!” 

See, telling the people I grew up around that I am doing this kind of stuff is really no big deal at all.  My family probably would be shocked for a minute or two, then just have questions and be cool with it. I don’t think they’d really care all that much.  It’s the uber judgmental Christian folks I’ve been spending way too much time with, since I moved here and got married to a guy in ministry, that are the problem.  Hell, they act like if you are DIVORCED they can barely associate with you.  Ran into a girl today that was in one of my church groups and is still on my Facebook page and it was just awkward.  If only they knew….

I’m due to go home next weekend for a family member’s graduation and I am so excited!! It is going to be my first two nights in a row away from my kids, I think in the past 13 years.  That part is a little hard but I think they will be fine and I’m really hoping to get to see the married man.  He talked about getting me a hotel room. 

My period was 6 days late though, so I’m on it now and afraid it won’t be over.  Dangit!  Not sure that will stop him though, haha.  This is way gross, but I saw the other day on Facebook that he had “liked” some picture a girl posted that talked about how a real man wasn’t afraid to get a little blood on him or something like that and had a pic with a guy with blood all over his face like he’d been eating her out during that time of the month.  Yeah, I wouldn’t put it past him, lol.  Hopefully I don’t have to find out though. :p  Ewwwwwww…

Also, I was looking forward to seeing the guy I had the affair with and HE is pretty unlikely to want to hook up if I’m still bleeding, but he may still want to hang out.  He is a sweetheart.   The other day he sent me a text for Mother’s day that read “Happy Mothers Day Momma 😉  I miss and love you no matter the distance”.  Awww….   I miss him too.  He always knows the right thing to say. 

Sadly, from the Professor I heard nothing.  It’s been 23 days now.  Still nothing.  I guess I need to let go of the hope that there could ever be some kind of reconciliation.  I thought I was doing okay but broke down in tears again last night.  I’m sure I’ll hear from him again someday, but like most guys he won’t decide he wants to be with me until it’s too late and I’ve already done all the work of healing and don’t want to go back.  Why do men have to be like that?  Sigh…

That guy who gave me the flowers the other day is acting weird as hell.  I went over that one time afterwards and we kissed then I left and nothing.  So a few days ago I look at my Plenty of Fish account and he has emailed me saying how bad he wants me.  WTF?  I was like “did you lose my number?” and he said “I still have your number, you know, it works both ways dear”.  I said I figured if he wanted to talk he would call and he said he felt if I was interested and liked HIM I would hit him up too.  I just said “ok” and no response after that.  SMFH. 

I’m really not one to aggressively pursue men.  I don’t want to be with anyone who isn’t gung ho about being with ME.  Maybe I’m too sensitive about that, I don’t know, but the idea of chasing after men is really unappealing.  Why would I want to be with a man who didn’t want to PURSUE me?  Seems like that should be his job, I’m old fashioned like that, or something. Or I just like being chased, haha.  That’s half the fun, no?

I know some will disagree but ah well.  A wishy- washy man does nothing for me.  Plus it reminds me too much of my ex- husband, though he actually was the one that sought me out in the beginning too.

I wonder sometimes if the Professor might be hoping or expecting that I will reconnect with him but he’s the one that ended things so it doesn’t seem right.  I don’t want to look like a fool.  Nah, he hurt me.  It’s on him to make things better if he really wanted to, too much risk of re-opening the wound if I were to contact him and get rejected again.  I admit though that he is still on my mind a lot.  I don’t really understand how he could turn his back on me that way.  Guess he’s just a dick like the rest of them.  I can’t believe I thought he was so great.  I must be really fucking delusional or something.

In other news, I’ve been emailing with this couple off the swinger site.  They are rather interesting because the woman doesn’t really like to play with other women and doesn’t really want to do a full swap with a couple.  Their profile says MAYBE if the guy fit certain criteria that my fuck buddy would probably make.  So when they sent me an email I responded back and added that he might be someone she would like too. 

They didn’t comment on that but the guy wants to meet ME.  Sometimes he plays alone, but I guess at others she comes along.  So she might come along if we were to play and sit there and WATCH. 

I don’t know about this.  The idea of having sex with this guy (who is admittedly quite hot from the pics) while his wife sits there and observes just seems really AWKWARD.  Now I know how all these guys feel when the husbands watch and do nothing.  It’s just downright weird, lol.  Not sure I can do it.  I think I would feel really inhibited and shy with her watching and not participating and feel less like I could get into it with her husband because I’d be worried about how it would make HER feel.  Any women have any experience with anything like this before?

 

Drying the tears

Ironically, the Professor actually sang this song to me once, after we’d had sex. It came on the stereo and he said he’d sung it as part of a duet when he was in show choir in high school. :/

Everything is reminding me of him. Last night I woke up from a dream that he was crying and sending me a bunch of text messages saying he missed me. Then I dreamt that he sent a video of his day at work, just couldn’t get him out of my subconscious I guess. I took my kids out for frozen custard and of course it was to the same place where he’d taken us before. I emailed with a guy off Craigslist about riding his Sybian (lol) and guess where he lives? It sounds like it’s the same freaking apartment complex as the Professor!!

Now I’m thinking if I try and actually follow through with that the Prof might see my vehicle and think I’m stalking him! LOL Um, no, I was just err, visiting this guy I met off Craigslist that I’m not even attracted to because it sounded like a fun idea to ride his Sybian? LMAO. I do want to try it again and this guy looks relatively harmless, as opposed to some guys I’d emailed with off there in the past. He looks like someone’s dad.

I had contemplated doing something like that once when the Prof and I were still talking and he wasn’t too keen on the idea. He thought it sounded dangerous and like some random guy off Craigslist wouldn’t really just want to watch, like he says. The exhibitionist in me thinks it would be fun to have him just watch, lol, but he doesn’t look like someone I’d want to sleep with. I don’t want to feel obligated. Still, like I said, this guy seems pretty decent and respectable and it sounds like he’s done this before.

Still, it seems like a fun way to get my rocks off and not actually have to have sex with someone and maybe regret it afterwards. Oh, and the motor ran out on my vibrator and I have to get a new one so I’m going crazy in the meantime! BAD TIMING!! Sheesh. No more sex with my favorite person and my freaking sex toy fails me too. Dangit! LOL Thank God for my shower massager. I had to use it twice today.

Anyhow I do have a date planned for this weekend, for sex, with the guy I met right before seeing my fuck buddy while the Professor was out of town. He is a retired military police officer, a couple years older than the professor, but in awesome shape and he’s nice looking too. Now that he’s retired he drives some kind of flatbed truck around and he says that loading it gives him a great workout and that’s why he has six pack abs. I can handle that! LOL Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll have an old pair of handcuffs hanging around somewhere 😉 ;).

I met him on the swinger site and he seems really nice. I actually responded to his email because something about his pics and attitude reminded me a little bit of the Professor. He’s 6’5″ (!!!) and he’s done the swinging thing in another state over the past few years but before that he was married for 20 years. He said he used to paint his wife’s toenails for her and was telling me how in a pinch you can do French tips using whiteout, lol. Maybe I can get a pedicure while I’m there too!

Ha, I’m playing but he is back in town and wanted to meet me at a hotel between here and where he lives before he takes off again on his truck. I’m thinking that sounds fun right now. According to him he really likes to go down on women and sometimes use toys. Plus he’s got an 8 inch cock. 😉 He was gonna take me out for drinks again beforehand.

Oh, and I’ve got another possible date lined up the day before with a guy who also says he just moved here. I met this one on Plenty of Fish. He’s a couple years younger than me and his pics are pretty cute with a really nice smile. He works with special needs kids and is also a personal trainer. He plays on a local basketball league too. We’ve texted back and forth a little bit and so far I like him.

Meanwhile I’ve resurrected my OkCupid profile. I still had it but the email inbox was full and I hadn’t bothered to update it for a long time. The minute I cleared out old emails and put up a couple new pics I was being inundated with zillions of new guys trying to hit me up.

Sometimes the dating sites are a little overwhelming. Like I don’t have time to email everyone back and keep up with the amount of guys that are contacting me all at once. I had to disable instant messaging on that site and POF because it’s just too freaking crazy.

I even got a hate mail already from some dude because he had emailed me and so I clicked on his profile but didn’t have a chance to write him or anything. He lived too far away anyway so it didn’t seem worth my time. Anyhow, his first email said “nice smile” and when I clicked on his profile he sent me this:

Yea most of you American females just aren’t that appreciative. I take back the compliment.

I’m thinking, God what a dick. So I clicked on his profile again to see where the hell he was from that he was making nasty comments about “American” females. I of course didn’t bother to respond to his hating and he so he sent me this:

You need to stop viewing my profile since you can’t appreciate a genuine compliment from a stranger. All you women do on here is ignore men who are trying to talk and have a decent conversation. I have to admit that western women are really no good when it comes to dating/relationships and it’s no surprise a lot of you are single and lonely at an older age. I don’t know why it’s so hard talking to western women. Good luck and please don’t view my profile anymore.

Not wanting to buy into his needless drama, I ignored the comment and didn’t look at his profile again. SO he then sends me THIS:

Most of you women are on here for the attention and to boost your ego. Too bad men have to deal with this crap.

Wha?? Sheesh! Chill the fuck out already, seriously!! And you wonder why women don’t respond back to you?? UGH

Oh and I’ve gotten like ten emails already with comments about my boobs. They are like “nice chest” or “nice peaches”. WTF? Are we in middle school again? Like really? That is so crass. I’m not even wearing a super revealing top or anything. I’m in a sundress in the pics and you can see a little bit of cleavage but it’s not trashy looking at all. Men… I swear, would anyone really be jumping at the chance to email back a guy who is all grunt, grunt “nice tits you got there”? SMFH

Anyway, wish me luck! I so need to get my mind off the Professor. :/ It would be nice not to break into tears several times a day. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m working on it.

Watching and remembering

So I got this message on POF the other day that kind of creeped me out.

I saw you in Wendys on xyz street. A couple of weeks ago. Your better looking in person and you have a nice ass.

While it’s lovely that he thinks I’m good looking and have a nice ass, I find it rather disturbing that he recognizes me THREE weeks later, on a dating site, after randomly seeing me at Wendy’s with my daughter. I know when it was because I took her there as a treat after being so good at the dentist when she got her cavity filled. THREE effing weeks before he emailed me! I can’t say I even recognize him after seeing his picture and profile. Of course I was probably preoccupied with talking to my daughter, but that almost makes it more creepy. I’m pretty sure we never made eye contact.

This isn’t the first time a guy has messaged me on there with something like that either. I can think of AT LEAST 5 or 6 other occasions where a man recognized me somewhere in public and sent an email to me on Plenty of Fish later. Once I even ran into a man at Walmart who said he recognized me from my pictures on that site, then proceeded to ask me out on a date. Thinking he was kind of cute and seemed nice and normal enough, I agreed.

So he took me out to this restaurant and we enjoyed some Mexican food while he told me all about how he had been in prison for 10 years for murder but that it really wasn’t him who committed the crime, but his brother, who was now dead. Um…sure, of course, no one who is in prison ever actually committed the crime, right? That’s what I’ve been told by a few inmates anyway (like back in the day when I was participating in prison ministries with the ex). They NEVER actually did it. It’s always someone else’s fault.

In an unusual display of trust for a first date (I guess since I had met him first) I had actually let him come to my house to pick me up. Since he had driven me I was kind of stuck when he decided to take us back to his house, which was actually an extended stay HOTEL. No fear, it gets worse. I sat on the bed while he removed my sandals and lotioned up my feet for a foot rub, wondering how the hell am I going to get out of this situation without having sex? No worries. He gave me the fastest foot rubdown in the history of man then took me back out to the car (I swear, I have decent, even “pretty”, clean feet, with even toes and nicely painted toenails so I can’t imagine there was anything wrong with them that scared him off). He drove me back to my house, slipped $40 into my hand and said it was “for gas” then took off. I felt like some kind of foot fetish whore. A week later he sent me a picture of his dick. When I didn’t respond he sent a video. WTF??

Anyway, Walmart seems to be the most frequent place men have these citings of me. Hey, I have kids and don’t get to go out much, what can I say? I try to avoid wearing my pajamas ;). One told me I “looked like an angel” whilst shopping with my children. Of course. I always look angelic whilst doing my shopping, ha! Actually, I’m about as serious, focused and on a mission as it gets when I go there with kids in tow. I barely even glance to the side, try to get in and out as fast as possible and my kids get the death stare if they dare to step out of line. Hawt!

Then there was the guy on the site called TAGGED. I was married at the time and not even trying to use it to hook up. I didn’t know what it was about but it seemed like Myspace or something so when someone invited me I joined. Three days later I got an email from a thug looking Mexican dude who said he’d seen me AT A STOPLIGHT the day before. He went on to name the exact make and model of my vehicle. Even crazier is that the only time I’d left the house the day before was to drive around the corner to the bank and the library. I hadn’t even gotten out of the van! YIKES! I freaked out and took down my profile.

I must live in a small town, right? Not really. There are at least 150,000 people in this city and a few hundred thousand more in its surrounding suburbs. Am I really that recognizable? Or is it that every male within miles is lurking on POF? It’s one of the reasons I am so leery about stating my interest in casual sex on a site that has pictures of my face. I don’t need piles of stalkers at my door and creepy old guys leering at me every time I’m in Walmart thinking “I know what you REALLY want”. Shudder….

I am honestly amazed at these guys ability to remember me, out of all the women in this area. How do they even do that? I admit I totally suck at remembering faces. Heck I’m bad at names too. I’ve even forgotten people I’ve had sex with! Ooops. :/

In fact, I used to keep a written record of the guys I slept with and there is one guy on there that it just drives me CRAZY because I can’t figure out, for the life of me, who it could be! His name is Jeff (yes that’s his real name. Hell if I can’t figure out who he is I doubt you all can either, lol). I keep wondering if it’s the blonde Jeff that I had a crush on and remember kissing, or the black Jeff that used to hang out with us and was hot and dated one of my friends, or was it the long haired loser Jeff that was practically stalking me? Please don’t let it be long hair Jeff. I really hope I didn’t fuck him in a drunken stupor or anything dumb like that. ARGH. Then there was that older guy that I remember driving home from out of town with once. Were we at a hotel together before that? I liked his taste in music, but I can’t remember his freaking name! Did I fuck him? Help! If you think you might be Jeff you should shoot me a line and tell me the story…or something, because I am so lost. Maybe I need to write into Delilah and have her play a song for the long lost guy I fucked. Or maybe not. It WAS a one night stand after all, and if he were good in bed I’d probably remember, right?

Gosh, sometimes I flat out suck at remembering guys. When I first met my ex- husband I kept confusing him with two other guys who had a similar haircut and build (and one of them had been calling me). Then there was that poor guy who asked me to eat lunch with him in the college cafeteria and I said yes (over the phone) because I had confused him with a guy I’d just been out on a date with. When I realized I got it wrong I didn’t know what to do and ended up ditching him. I’ve always felt bad about that because I’m pretty sure he had a huge crush on me and he was obviously super shy and nerdy and whenever I saw him after that he would look away. 😦

Oh and we can’t forget the time I kissed the wrong person. I had been meeting this guy at the beach every day that was half Japanese and half Hawaiian. We would make out pretty heavily at the canoe club and once even had sex. So one day, around the time he would usually show up, I see this guy standing at a slightly closer entrance to the beach and the sun is shining in my eyes so I assume it’s him. I was laying out in my little yellow polka dot bikini and got up to go say hi. I walked right up to him and started kissing him on the lips. He got super excited and it was then that I realized he was slightly shorter than the other dude. Plus he could barely speak English. SO he had his finger in my panties and we were making out HARD and he was trying to pull me into the bushes before I managed to extract myself. He couldn’t understand then why I didn’t want to fuck him (can you blame him? LOL) so I had to practically RUN away and hide with my sister to escape. Scary. Ha.

Yeah, I really need to pay more attention. I don’t suppose guys like it when I forget their names or faces or like, almost fuck someone else thinking its them, though I guess that could make a good cover up story if I was gonna cheat. LMAO. Still, remembering me THREE weeks later from a seeing me at a fast food place eating with my child, isn’t that a bit much? Am I being paranoid? Should I start covering my face in online photos? Hmmmmm…..