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I should have known….and somewhere deep inside, I did!

intuition

He’s married! The CEO is married! Why am I not really surprised? He hasn’t admitted it to me yet but I found proof. I discovered a picture of him online, with his wife and her family, wedding ring clearly visible on his finger. It was taken just before I met him and posted on a relative’s Facebook page.

We are not friends on Facebook and his page is private, as is his wife’s, but I’m a good detective and I did a little digging. I’m not able to see who is on his friends list, but I could see that he and I have at least one friend of a friend in common, which was amusing. She had commented on a public photo of his. He’s friends with an old fuck buddy of mine’s WIFE.

Sometimes it pays to snoop! Just saying! I just KNEW he was too good to be true and my gut feeling proved me right, once again. Sigh…

I felt a little upset at first, but I’m over it. At least now I know and can protect myself from getting too hopeful that this is going to go anywhere. At best it will be a passionate affair.

We’ve slept together 4 times now and this last time I knew but didn’t say a word. It will be interesting to see if he ever slips up or tells me about it. I plan to sit back and give him some time.

All along, I’ve felt mildly suspicious but Tinder tipped me off because I could see when he was lying to me about where he was. Sometimes, when he says he is traveling, he is telling the truth, but others it shows him as being 11 miles away, at his HOUSE.

So there’s that, and the fact that he usually plans time with me around when he’s either just arrived home on the plane, or is just getting ready to leave. He always gets a very nice hotel, which is wonderful, but of course points to the fact that he avoids having me in his home! His excuse that his sister was watching his child there may have held up at first, but why would she be there when he’s just getting ready to fly off to another city? Shouldn’t she be with her mom by then? Yeah….

The sex is still through the roof amazing and I’m definitely not ready to give THAT up! I’m really finding myself liking him on a personal level too, which gives me mixed feelings about it all. If nothing else though, I know not to really trust him. You heard me say it! Now don’t let me forget….

I don’t know his reasons, I don’t know if his wife already knows. I mean, come on, she HAS to suspect that her high sex drive, super good in bed, hot, millionaire, traveling businessman husband is not faithful to her! I’ve seen pictures of her now too and she looks kind of mousy and quiet, like someone that would put up with whatever. I have to admit though, that if this guy were paying my bills, I probably would too…

He’s got no shame in putting his face out on public dating sites and he seems to avoid being seen in public with her much. Even one of the captions on a photo I saw of them together he just put “making appearances” and they weren’t touching. The one where I saw his ring they were, but she was kind of in the background of it all. It’s interesting to note body language.

On OKCupid, one of the questions he answered said he’d never been in love. I wonder if that’s true? How can you be almost 40 years old and never fallen in love before? Not even with your wife? It doesn’t make sense to me but I’m curious to learn more. I guess time will tell.

I understand the multitude of reasons why a man would lie about being married or even lie about being in an open relationship, if that’s what it were. Still, its dishonest and it makes me miss the Cohort even more. He’s really the only guy I’ve researched and found nothing but complete honesty to me. Even when it hurt, he told me the truth. I think that’s a big reason why I loved and still love him.

The Cohort contacted me a couple of weeks ago, via email and asked me to call him. He acted like it was important and I guess he went the email route because he had deleted my number to avoid temptation to get in touch. I called though, and he wanted to talk about bubble wrap. He wanted to ask me where he could get bubble wrap…seriously! I know for a fact he already orders it online for his business but he said he wanted to know where I got some that I gave him last year (it was from packaging on my kids toys that came in the mail).  It was obviously an excuse to talk to me.

He told me a little bit about what is going on in his life with car problems but things going well at work. He asked how I was doing and sounded a bit wistful. It ended there and we hung up. I didn’t hear from him on Christmas. My heart still hurts but I know I can survive without him and I feel like I made the right choice to walk away. I know right now, if he were to ask me to be with him for real, I would, but he hasn’t done that. I can’t hang around someone I care that much about and allow it to continue to cause me pain.

In other news, I went out with a new guy that I will not allow myself to see again. We had a fun date that ended up with him almost raping me in the back of his car. I was genuinely scared and that doesn’t happen often.

He is an executive chef at one of the big casinos here in the city. He said he used to work in New York and Washington and he only moved here 6 months ago. We met on OkCupid and over text he seemed a bit pushy at first. On the phone though, he was funny and I agreed to meet him at a very nice seafood restaurant for drinks and appetizers.

He showed up 20 minutes late and I was beginning to wonder if I should leave. I was sitting at the bar and didn’t order anything. He finally arrived, without any excuse. Now, I kind of suspect he did this on purpose, because after one drink they were about to close. We didn’t have time to order anything to eat.

He asked where the closest bar we could hang out at late was and they told him a place around the corner. When we got there he made a weird statement about how he goes there all the time. That threw me off a bit (didn’t he just have to ASK the bartenders where to go?). He also claimed to go to the seafood restaurant “all the time”. Anyway, we had more drinks and an appetizer at this jazz bar.

He was funny and fun to talk to, but super nosy. He was asking questions about who I was fucking and what was the guy’s name. He pressed and pressed until I finally gave him the first name of someone I am sleeping with (Radioman, who was the only safe option to say anything about and I see him regularly).

He immediately showed some signs of jealousy and was telling me about how he is going to make me forget about Radioman. Oh, and he also friend requested me on Facebook while we were out. He had figured out my last name somehow. I was a bit creeped out by this, but then you all know I do my own “research” so I was trying to be fair and not assume he is a stalker.  I accepted his request and laughed about his discovery.

I was slightly tipsy, but not drunk, when we decided to go home. I declined an offer to go back to his place but agreed to get in his car with him and “talk” for a minute because it was very cold outside. We got in the backseat and he proceeded to practically start ripping off my clothes.  I was a bit taken aback by how quickly he went there.

I told him to stop, told him no, told him I don’t want to do this and he just kept going. I was actually afraid and that doesn’t happen often. I had to be very verbally forceful to get him to finally stop. For a bit I there I didn’t think he was going to. He was putting his hands in my panties and saying he knew I wanted it, because of how wet I felt. But I didn’t want it. I didn’t feel good about him, despite the fun banter in the bar.

I finally was able to divert him from trying to fuck me by giving him a hand job. He came quickly and I was able to leave. Whew!

He called on the way home and apologized over voice mail. He said he was sorry and that he just was so turned on that he got carried away. He said he didn’t mean to be so aggressive and that he just lost control. Would I please give him another chance?

All that is well and good and I said okay but I really don’t want to see him again. He asked if I would and I said “maybe after the holidays”. After briefly contemplating giving him a second chance, I have decided there is no way! He is still on my Facebook, but I will probably delete him eventually. For now I plan to just blow him off.

I LIKE guys that are dominant, I LIKE guys that go after what they want and don’t ask. I DON’T like it when someone ignores my boundaries and plows on. If I am repeatedly telling someone STOP and they won’t, that is too much. Yes, I still gave him a handjob. I didn’t know what else to do to get him to back off because my words were not working. Obviously, he was stronger than me.

Even after all the experiences I have had, I still found myself in this situation. Sometimes I ignore my gut feelings about guys and I’m still learning to trust my intuition. Gut says he’s married, he probably is! It says to be careful, then WATCH OUT!

Now if only I could get my intuition to make sense when it comes to the Cohort. It’s still in confusion. I still feel like he loves me, even though his actions aren’t really proving that at all. It’s been 6 months and it really only feels like days since I’ve seen him. Maybe I will never see him again, but I just haven’t completely come to terms with that.

Things that make me go hmmmm….

hmmmm-let-me-think-about-that-thumb

So remember how Mr. Motorcycle had asked me to have a couples profile with him and I had decided it wasn’t the best idea?  I don’t recall whether or not I gave him a definitive answer but apparently he took matters into his own hands and opened one without my knowledge!  I found out because the Professor texted me, apologizing for looking at my couples profile and saying he wasn’t trying to stalk me or anything, he hadn’t realized it was mine.

Um, what?  What couples profile?  I was bewildered.  He said there were face pictures of me on the main page of the site! 

At first I wasn’t even sure who it was because both the Referee and Mr. Motorcycle have got pics of me on their single profiles now.  I thought I had asked them to keep any face pics out of their main gallery, where it can be seen by all.  When I finally figured it out though, and had a look, I was only able to see pics that didn’t include my face.  I’m not a paid member so the Prof could see more than me.

Still, he opened a profile without my permission!  I was upset and texted him to ask about it.  His response was a lot of sweet talk.  He said he had to have a couples profile to get into one of the parties we were trying to attend this weekend.  When I read the rules for that party it was true, they asked all singles coming together to have a couple profile, but I was still irked he hadn’t informed me.  I also told him I didn’t want my face pics out in public and he swore up and down that he would never do that and wasn’t that stupid.

I still find it interesting that the minute a picture of me appears on that site, the Prof is on it!  It’s like he’s either on there CONSTANTLY or he’s got some kind of super radar for my pics.  It makes me sad because I do still have feelings for him but I don’t see it going anywhere at this point.  I made a comment about having heard about him sleeping with that woman and telling her not to tell me and that I was surprised to learn someone else had been all in love with him when we were together but he didn’t respond to that.  I said it didn’t really matter at this point anyhow, but I still wanted to see what he would say. 

Mr. Motorcycle deleted all the pics on the profile, other than ones he has in a gallery where he has to give permission for a person to see it.  The profile is still up though and he claims we need it to get into certain parties, which is true.  I couldn’t get him to give me the password though, he acted like he didn’t remember it when I asked him this morning.  It’s pretty obvious he is full of shit and it makes me wonder what all he actually plans on using it for.

I let it slide and still went to a party with him last night, like we had planned.  For the most part the party was fairly boring, as far as swinger parties go.  We danced and drank and it was in a hotel lobby.  We didn’t really meet anyone we were interested in swapping with, so at the end of the night it was just he and I.

During the party, he kept disappearing on me to go outside or back to the room.  I don’t think he was gone long enough to be having sex with anyone else but I am a little suspicious as to what he was up to.  Not that it really matters that much to me at a swingers party, I just think it is odd that he seems to be hiding something.  You could smoke inside this party and there was an ashtray at our table, yet he kept taking off.

After he got me naked back in the room there were a couple times he went outside to see what was going on.  He did it both before and after we had sex.  I know there was one woman there he has slept with before and he did give me a little update on what was going on with them.  Apparently she had a few guys lined up outside the room to fuck her and he says her husband slept with a couple of women too.  I still get the feeling he really doesn’t want to share ME all that much and is trying to keep me away from the fun.

Also, this morning he had what looked like a hickey on his shoulder.  I’m pretty darn sure it wasn’t from me?  I don’t think I have ever given anyone a hickey in my life, lol and I don’t remember sucking on him at all during sex but he claims he didn’t touch anyone else and it had to have been from me.  Hmmm….

Anyhow, while he was gone at various times, I would get antsy just sitting alone at the back table he wanted me to wait at, and got up to walk around and “use the restroom”.  At least that was my excuse, and I did end up giving one guy my phone number on the sly.  I was a little worried that Mr. Motorcycle would come back and get upset with me, though I don’t suppose he would have any real reason or right to.  He later claimed that one of his reasons for continuing to leave was to see who would try and talk with me, but I am not so sure about that. 

I also spent some of my time texting back and forth with both my Fuck Buddy and the Referee.  There weren’t a whole lot of attractive people to socialize with at the party and they were both curious what I was up to.  The Referee wants to see me today, later.  He kept telling me he missed me and to think about HIM and take pics.

My Fuck Buddy, and this is hilarious, had placed a Craigslist ad and I had responded to it!  I haven’t responded to a Craigslist ad in ages but had been playing around a bit on there earlier in the day and seen an ad looking for a girl with green eyes.  Hey, I fit the bill, lol 😉  Funny that it was from him because virtually every time I have placed an ad, he has answered it too!!  I know he likes my green eyes but it is amusing to me that he would specifically seek that out.  I guess we were bound to find each other on there eventually one way or another.

As the night went on we did talk to more people and dance quite a bit, so that was fun.  The sex was pretty great too, so no complaints there.  Well, other than that he didn’t cum after the second round.  He did the first time but it annoyed me that he seemed to not want to the second time.  That reduces the enjoyment for me and makes the sex not seem as good, plus I had to wonder what he was holding out for?  Hoping to sleep with someone else?  He was in bed with me all night, though that one woman he had slept with before, her husband did text at 4:30 in the morning.

Oh, and we had sex in the pitch dark, which was good because I tore during the anal episode with the Referee and it still hasn’t healed.  I had been afraid of him noticing that.  It still hurts!!  The Referee says he won’t try anal again with me.  I’m not mad or anything just don’t want to do it again.  He’s pretty thick and I just don’t think my body can handle it.

Speaking of the Referee, I also noticed HE put a picture of me on his profile that was taken in my Halloween costume with Mr. Motorcycle!  It’s just of me, doesn’t show my face and only shows my ass.  Still, he knows damn well it was taken with another man!  Why would he put that on HIS profile?  SMDH….men, I swear.  I don’t even know if I sent him that pic or if he just pilfered it off Mr. Motorcycle’s profile?  WTF?  Haha….

Anyhow, I don’t have a lot of time to type.  My computer is on the blitz again and I am at the library, but wanted to give an update and share my latest odd happenings.  Hope you all had a great weekend!  Hopefully I’ll be off to see the Referee soon.