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So since I’m on a sex ban for a week until the antibiotics have had the time to work their magic, I spent Saturday night with my old friend from out of town.  We went out to eat with one of her sisters at a nice restaurant, then did a little pub crawl and got properly sauced.

We had a blast, despite the lameness of the bars in this town.  Not just the bars themselves, but the people in them, lol.  It seems around here there is an age limit to partying and it cuts off somewhere around about age 23, making us feel ancient.  This is so NOT true of the town we grew up in and where she lives now.  There the “grown and sexy” are getting their groove on well into their old age, or at least way past their 30’s!

Also, I never see anyone DANCING at any of the clubs here.  They just like, stand there and talk?  Boring!! I guess that’s why I don’t make any real effort to hit the town when I don’t have a good reason, like an outside visitor to entertain. Still, we know how to make do, haha. 😉 

Pathetic pickup line of the night: “my friend has a ten inch dick”, said by some 20 something kid while pointing at his friend.  Didn’t bother to find out if that was true, for obvious reasons. We did have some guy, who said he was 28, buying us drinks and trying to dry hump my ass and grab on me at the bar. 

Overall though, it was a good place to be when you are carrying an STD and can’t have sex anyway, lol.  I pondered whether or not that might be a good way to get random guys off our back if necessary.  Hey, sorry, I have an STD, lmao.  But no, I didn’t actually say that.  Instead we pulled the standard slipping off to the restroom disappearing act. 

We had a good time and I told her a little bit about my current lifestyle.  I mentioned the swinging and at first she was mildly surprised but then laughed and was like “sounds just like you were in high school”.  Yep… 

She says she is kind of jealous, I guess because it sounds adventurous and fun.  Who knows, maybe I’ll convince her to give it a whirl, lol.  I told her about my pole dancing class too and she was like “I so wish we lived closer and could take it together!!!” 

See, telling the people I grew up around that I am doing this kind of stuff is really no big deal at all.  My family probably would be shocked for a minute or two, then just have questions and be cool with it. I don’t think they’d really care all that much.  It’s the uber judgmental Christian folks I’ve been spending way too much time with, since I moved here and got married to a guy in ministry, that are the problem.  Hell, they act like if you are DIVORCED they can barely associate with you.  Ran into a girl today that was in one of my church groups and is still on my Facebook page and it was just awkward.  If only they knew….

I’m due to go home next weekend for a family member’s graduation and I am so excited!! It is going to be my first two nights in a row away from my kids, I think in the past 13 years.  That part is a little hard but I think they will be fine and I’m really hoping to get to see the married man.  He talked about getting me a hotel room. 

My period was 6 days late though, so I’m on it now and afraid it won’t be over.  Dangit!  Not sure that will stop him though, haha.  This is way gross, but I saw the other day on Facebook that he had “liked” some picture a girl posted that talked about how a real man wasn’t afraid to get a little blood on him or something like that and had a pic with a guy with blood all over his face like he’d been eating her out during that time of the month.  Yeah, I wouldn’t put it past him, lol.  Hopefully I don’t have to find out though. :p  Ewwwwwww…

Also, I was looking forward to seeing the guy I had the affair with and HE is pretty unlikely to want to hook up if I’m still bleeding, but he may still want to hang out.  He is a sweetheart.   The other day he sent me a text for Mother’s day that read “Happy Mothers Day Momma 😉  I miss and love you no matter the distance”.  Awww….   I miss him too.  He always knows the right thing to say. 

Sadly, from the Professor I heard nothing.  It’s been 23 days now.  Still nothing.  I guess I need to let go of the hope that there could ever be some kind of reconciliation.  I thought I was doing okay but broke down in tears again last night.  I’m sure I’ll hear from him again someday, but like most guys he won’t decide he wants to be with me until it’s too late and I’ve already done all the work of healing and don’t want to go back.  Why do men have to be like that?  Sigh…

That guy who gave me the flowers the other day is acting weird as hell.  I went over that one time afterwards and we kissed then I left and nothing.  So a few days ago I look at my Plenty of Fish account and he has emailed me saying how bad he wants me.  WTF?  I was like “did you lose my number?” and he said “I still have your number, you know, it works both ways dear”.  I said I figured if he wanted to talk he would call and he said he felt if I was interested and liked HIM I would hit him up too.  I just said “ok” and no response after that.  SMFH. 

I’m really not one to aggressively pursue men.  I don’t want to be with anyone who isn’t gung ho about being with ME.  Maybe I’m too sensitive about that, I don’t know, but the idea of chasing after men is really unappealing.  Why would I want to be with a man who didn’t want to PURSUE me?  Seems like that should be his job, I’m old fashioned like that, or something. Or I just like being chased, haha.  That’s half the fun, no?

I know some will disagree but ah well.  A wishy- washy man does nothing for me.  Plus it reminds me too much of my ex- husband, though he actually was the one that sought me out in the beginning too.

I wonder sometimes if the Professor might be hoping or expecting that I will reconnect with him but he’s the one that ended things so it doesn’t seem right.  I don’t want to look like a fool.  Nah, he hurt me.  It’s on him to make things better if he really wanted to, too much risk of re-opening the wound if I were to contact him and get rejected again.  I admit though that he is still on my mind a lot.  I don’t really understand how he could turn his back on me that way.  Guess he’s just a dick like the rest of them.  I can’t believe I thought he was so great.  I must be really fucking delusional or something.

In other news, I’ve been emailing with this couple off the swinger site.  They are rather interesting because the woman doesn’t really like to play with other women and doesn’t really want to do a full swap with a couple.  Their profile says MAYBE if the guy fit certain criteria that my fuck buddy would probably make.  So when they sent me an email I responded back and added that he might be someone she would like too. 

They didn’t comment on that but the guy wants to meet ME.  Sometimes he plays alone, but I guess at others she comes along.  So she might come along if we were to play and sit there and WATCH. 

I don’t know about this.  The idea of having sex with this guy (who is admittedly quite hot from the pics) while his wife sits there and observes just seems really AWKWARD.  Now I know how all these guys feel when the husbands watch and do nothing.  It’s just downright weird, lol.  Not sure I can do it.  I think I would feel really inhibited and shy with her watching and not participating and feel less like I could get into it with her husband because I’d be worried about how it would make HER feel.  Any women have any experience with anything like this before?

 

Lucky me, an STD

stdtesting

Fucking policeman, I know it had to be him.  When I texted to share the news he claimed he hadn’t had sex in a year before me.  Guess he must have forgotten telling me about the woman he slept with while her husband watched and the fiancé of his cousin that they supposedly bang together frequently.  Hmmm…

Yeah, he’s the one that was going on about how he couldn’t get STD’s because he is allergic to various antibiotics and how careful he is. Then he mentioned how he never sleeps with these “lizards” at truck stops. I should have known him SAYING this stuff and bringing it up probably indicated the opposite. Men are such liars. “He who doth protest too much….”

Too bad too, because I really wanted to keep sleeping with him.  It was fun, I just don’t want to risk this again!  He was asking me about anal recently too, and knowing this?  No way!

Anyway, I have Chlamydia.  I guess it’s not all that surprising considering my sexual activities for the past month.  3 new guys and only one wore a condom.  I should know better, I really should.   Fuck buddy, fortunately, ALWAYS wears a condom and it’s been over 5 weeks since I’ve seen the Professor so I think he’s probably fine.  The incubation period for this is like a week and a half and the nurse said sometimes takes up to 3 weeks to show up.

The Jamaican guy was surprisingly nice over text.  His response was “What??? Thanks for letting me know.  That’s very brave and sweet of you.  Thanks!” I’ve never been called “sweet” before for informing someone I may have given them an std (because I have my doubts that it came from him), but okay.

 I haven’t responded to that, not sure what to say, lol.  I think I’m more “blunt and to the point” about stuff like this than “sweet”.  I didn’t beat around the bush, just told them both straight out, over text, so I’m sure it was a bit of a shock.

I wish I could say I have never had an STD before, but sadly that wouldn’t be true.  If you read my post My Deep Dark Past, it should come as no surprise that I’ve had quite a few.  My sexual activities as a teenager were not only reckless as far as condoms go but also involved a lot of guys who had been in and out of prison at some point or another.

  I’m always surprised though at these people who claim they have had (mostly unprotected)sex with hundreds of people and never contracted anything.  How??  It seems like the minute I have unprotected sex with a new guy I virtually always end up with something unpleasant, heck I’ve even had what appeared to be an allergic reaction to the freaking CONDOM (or spermicide on it) with one man.  I think I’m just really sensitive and susceptible to this sort of thing.  Thankfully I am pretty in tune with my body and notice and get stuff treated right away. 

The nurse at the health department was pretty nice.  She didn’t act too horrified when she saw my vast, extensive, std history.  It always makes me want to crawl through the floor.   What was the worst was that a couple of years ago, I contracted Trich and when the antibiotic didn’t clear it up the first time around they said I would have to go through my family doctor.  The doctor wouldn’t refer me someplace until I got seen in the office so I had to have my records faxed over there and ever since I can feel the judgment from the staff.  This is the same place I take my kids to be seen. :/

It looks awful on paper, but reality is I am not having near as much reckless sex as I was back then and have only caught the Trich and this in the past couple of years since my divorce.  I’ve always been quick to discover and treat whatever it is and followed the instructions on not having sex until things cleared up and informed my partners.

Still there is a whole host of stereotypes that come with someone having had STD’s that is very negative.  One of them is that the person isn’t clean and I know that’s not true because I am scrupulous with hygiene.  Maybe if there wasn’t so much shame surrounding the issue people would be more honest too.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I have come down with something and anyone/everyone I was sleeping with adamantly denied having anything.  Um, sorry but that is IMPOSSIBLE.  I will admit though that I think there is some problem with the testing.  Even the nurse at the health dept told me sometimes one half of a couple will test positive with Chlamydia and the other shows up as either having nothing or having Gonorrhea, so they treat both anyway.

When I came down with Trich, the guy I had the affair with swore up and down he tested as having nothing.  I told him that lots of times men do test negative and still can pass it on and should be treated.  Apparently his doctor told him the same damn thing and offered him medicine but he said he wasn’t going to take it because he “didn’t have anything” and wasn’t taking any freaking medicine that he didn’t need to!  I wanted to bang my head on the wall, lol.  We used condoms for a while after that but  eventually did again, without, and I never got anything.

I still remember the first time I had Chlamydia.  It was in my THROAT and I was 15 years old so it took them awhile to figure out what was wrong.  I had to see a pediatrician and the woman was so horribly nasty to me when she found out.  She asked how many sexual partners I’d had in the past 6 months and I was afraid to tell her the truth so I said “10”.  It was really more like 20.  Some of those had been gang rapes.

 She spent her time trying to shame me and make me feel bad, rather than asking any deeper questions.  She said she wanted the names and numbers of all the people I’d slept with and that she was going to call and talk to them.  Of course I claimed not to remember them (though I knew) because I didn’t want to be humiliated like that.  Then she acted even nastier, as though treating me like dirt was going to stop me from having sex.

Anyhow, I DO know better than to have sex with strangers without a condom.  I’ve admittedly been kind of reckless lately in my attempts to forget about the Professor.  It could have been worse though.  What kills me is that the officer HAD the damn condoms sitting there, because I had ASKED him to bring and wear one but he didn’t put it on. 

I’m just as guilty because I was super horny and he’d just gone down on me and all I wanted was him inside me and didn’t care.  I really hope he was telling the truth about not cumming inside me too because I am late for my period.   :/  I’m afraid to get a test and hoping it’s just the Chlamydia and the fact that I’ve had an irregular cycle lately.  When I had Trich last time my period was 12 days late and it totally freaked me out, but no pregnancy. 

I take the meds tonight and then no sex for a week.  Thank God I caught it now because I’m due to see the married man next weekend.  She said I’ll also most likely get a yeast infection from the antibiotics (something else I’m super susceptible to) and so will start some meds for that soon as well.  I’m disappointed too because I was looking forward to seeing Mr. Officer again.  Damn!!