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Trying to keep my sparkle…

shineonbaby

Kinky Poly has no idea how much she made my day awarding me the Shine On award! I’ve been having kind of a rough week, and after someone insulted my blog and writing skills, when I was making a comment elsewhere, I’ve been kind of reluctant to try and type. So thank you, thank you, for not only giving me an incentive to write something but making me feel better and reminding me that I do have a bunch of wonderful followers! The awards I’ve received say there are people out there who DO enjoy reading and I don’t want to let the haters bring me down!

Screw them all! Or rather, don’t, because they clearly have issues with a woman enjoying her sex life and writing about it, so screwing them is probably a bad idea, lol.

Anyhow, let me give you all an update of what is going on in my life, before I get to the questions, because it’s got me in a depressed kind of mood that may shine through in my writing. 😦 I’m also due for my period and that really tends to affect me emotionally. I swear sometimes I think I have PMDD (Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder). It’s not so much irritability, though there is some of that, but falling into a depression each month. It’s to the point where I struggle to function normally and to keep suicidal thoughts out of my head. I know I’d never actually kill myself because of my kids but I just get to feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless that I don’t know what to do. It’s only once a month for a couple of days though, thankfully.

Hell, that’s something about me, so let’s consider it my first fact. Back to this past week. Well, I lost my Fuck Buddy. Totally unexpected but he got upset with me. He had wanted to see me one morning and when he texted I was really too exhausted to wake up and start getting ready. I’d been up all night the night before dealing with issues with my teenage son.

So that probably made him a little cranky with me to begin with. I had said maybe but ended up sleeping longer than planned and he had to go back to his town early. He asked for some pictures, since we weren’t meeting, and having not had a chance to get ready I asked if he wanted to see some of me with another guy. He said “sure” and I figured since our faces weren’t in it and he’s not emotionally attached AND he agreed to it, he would be okay with it all. Big mistake.

I sent him a couple pics. They are of me and the Producer but just show his cock going into my pussy, from behind, close up. I didn’t tell him WHO the pictures were of. Guys send me pics of themselves with women all the time, minus face, and often ask me for the same, so I’m thinking no big deal.

Well, he got PISSED because he saw the other guy wasn’t wearing a condom!! Sigh. HE wears one every single time and we’ve been fucking for over a year and he never asked me before if the other guys wear condoms or not. He was like, you are fucking raw now? I said not usually, but admitted I have and he said “well, I can’t fuck you. That’s a bit much”. I said the Professor never wore one with me and did he expect the married women he fucks with to wear condoms with their husbands and he said “no”. I was like well, I’m not sure how it affects you since you always wear one but okay, I guess I shouldn’t have sent the pics, have a nice life. Haven’t spoken with him since.

As if that wasn’t enough, I kind of cut things off completely with the Professor too. He came over here the other day, wanting to bring us some big floor pillow that he said he wasn’t using and he made me a drink and brought it with him. He’d been texting me pictures of this alcoholic beverage he was trying, called “Kinky”, and mixing it with Moscato. I was asking what it tasted like so he made me a cup.

We’d been being friendly but he hadn’t seemed interested in meeting up for anything more. He kept acting all depressed and sad and envious of the fact that I have been getting out and seeing guys. Yet, when I made a comment about him not seeming interested in hanging out with ME, he said “I am, but I don’t know if I can handle it” and commented that we argued “too much”.

So okay, I’m thinking then he must just want to be friends right? He keeps initiating text conversations with me and seeming to want to chat. When he was here I gave him a hug goodbye and said thanks for the stuff. He apologized for not having showered, so he wasn’t getting all fixed up for me or anything.

Anyhow, I’m starting to accept that he seems to want to be platonic friends and thinking okay, I can handle this. Then I sent him a Facebook request. We’ve never been Facebook friends before but we’d been talking a lot lately and I’d written something I kind of wanted him to read and see what he thought. It would have been too long to send over text.

He didn’t accept my request. He totally ignored it but kept on texting me. 5 days later I finally asked why? He made some remark about how he doesn’t like to have “Lifestyle friends” on there because of his job. I pointed out that he has that married woman on there and he says that he told her he would “probably take her off soon, for the same reason”. COME ON! Give me a fucking break!! That is utter bullshit. If he were going to take her off for that reason he’d have done it by now!!

I said “I doubt it” and his response was “That’s not true. I haven’t seen her since April”. Um, did I ask when he saw her?? WTF? I just ignored his texting after that and haven’t responded since.

I can’t think of any reason he wouldn’t want me on there that isn’t offensive, and made especially offensive by the fact that SHE is on there!! Just another reminder that he thinks she is somehow better and more valuable than me. What a fucktard.

Not that I care that much about having him on my Facebook page but it’s just the concept behind it all. Like what? Are you embarrassed of me? Do you think I’m trashy enough to go airing dirty laundry on Facebook when I get upset? Clearly, if you think that, you don’t know me very well. That’s SO insulting! UGH!

At least I’m seeing the Producer for lunch tomorrow. We probably won’t be having sex, just hanging out. He tried to talk me into a threesome with this 21 year old girl last night and I just wasn’t interested in going there, especially right now when I’m about to start my period and would be overemotional. Don’t want to risk flipping out or getting hurt feelings over something silly.

I told him all that too, lol. He also claims how bad she wants me and that she wanted to text me. I told him tell her she can send me an email or something, I don’t really like texting that much. Not to be offensive but texting with a 21 yr old girl sounds really annoying to me, lol.

It’s bad enough when it’s this 23 year old guy I slept with last year. He keeps trying to get me to see him again and I just felt so awkward, I don’t know if I can. He’s sooo cute, but it’s just too “cute” or something, like he has this baby face and he seems soo young. He’s also in a fraternity, lol. I am WAY too old to be fucking frat boys! Haha!

Oh and the Pilot still has not contacted me and never responded to my apology. He was, however, looking at my profile on the swinger site yesterday. Wonder why? I had unblocked him but he hasn’t unblocked me. Ah well.

I do have a guy I have been talking to that I really hope works out. He and I will be meeting in person soon but we’ve been mostly communicating over email. He’s from the swinger site and has over 100 positive validations from females. They make him sound like hot stuff and his pics aren’t half bad either!! 😉

Also, he’s fun over email and seems sweet and nice. He has been in an open relationship for over 9 years, with the mother of his child, so I’ve asked him a lot of questions about that and how he does it. He says he only plays with singles when travelling and that she does the same. They can play with couples close to home but she doesn’t do it nearly as often as he does. I guess when she does though it’s mostly single men. He goes out to dinner or dancing with other women but saves “romantic dinners” for her.

He’s the IT manager at a law firm. So, no idea what I will call him if we end up hitting it off, lol. He has also invited me to come along with him and some of his guy friends on a “guy’s weekend” that they are having. I’m thinking that kind of defeats the purpose of a weekend with the guys and asked if he meant for me to fuck them too. He said not necessarily. Hmmm. In any case, I told him I want to meet him first and make sure we even click and he said he agreed that was a good idea.

Okay, dangit, I am telling you all too much and haven’t even gotten to the rest of my facts. I’ll try and be concise ;).

2. I love avocadoes. I could eat them day and night, every day and be happy. Oh wait, that’s what I used to do when I lived in Hawaii. We had two avocado trees and ate them constantly. My dad would be all “we don’t need to buy groceries, just go eat an avocado” and suggesting things like avocado pancakes and avocado peanut butter sandwiches (!). Nevertheless, I NEVER got tired of eating them, lol. Give me some salt and lemon juice with it and I’m even more happy. On burgers, tacos, in salads, sandwiches, you name it! I love making homemade guacamole too.

3. Pineapples! I love them too!! Especially fresh but I’ll eat almost anything with pineapples in it. Chocolate covered, in smoothies, on ham, in some cake. Yeah baby! LOL I used to, when I wasn’t drinking alcohol, order a pineapple juice instead, every time we went to a restaurant. If they serve alcohol they almost always have it on hand, whether it’s listed on the menu or not.

4. My teenage son is driving me batshit crazy. I am so at my wits end with him!! I’m trying so hard to deal with everything he brings up but it’s something new EVERY FUCKING DAY. Some kid is claiming he stole their bike and I have parents yelling at me on almost the daily. Thing is, he has a very expensive BMX bike and I’m pretty darn sure he’s never stolen one!! Virtually every time it turns out to be this kid who is a “friend” of his and keeps putting the blame on him. The kid finally tried to take HIS bike and pulled a knife on him. I’m so fed up!

When it’s not that, someone is calling the cops because he and some kid he had spending the night are writing their names in lighter fluid in the road and setting them on fire (at 4am while I was fast asleep) or blowing up bike tires by over-pumping them and waking up the entire neighborhood.

He and a friend actually tried to hide in the trunk of my van when I was headed out to a date with the Producer. I got in the lobby of the hotel, where we were meeting before going out to get a drink and he calls me on the phone to ask what I am doing at a hotel. They thought they were hilarious. Sigh….

I don’t know. I used to be critical of parents whose kids were like this, back when I was working with them. I guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine now. He’s just such a little imp!! I swear people used to tell me how well behaved he was when he was little, even though he’s always had boatloads of energy. He’s like 5 ADHD 2 year olds on speed, I’m not kidding. Somehow, for some reason, I ended up with this child. It must be paybacks for everything I’ve ever done in this life and maybe some others, lol. My others are little angels in comparison, that hardly ever misbehave. Thank God!!

5. I’m home alone today, just enjoying several hours all by myself, for the first time in a really long time! The Producer and I were going to meet but I guess he pulled out his hip or something and decided to wait to drive here until tomorrow. I was actually kind of relieved. Even if he is meeting up with that 21 year old instead, I am totally fine with that. I told him if he wanted to do that, when he first brought up the threesome, that he could just get together with her instead but he was insistent he’d rather be with me. I, on the other hand, just wasn’t feeling it and kind of wanted some alone time. So I guess it all worked out for the best.

I did some shopping and got myself a cute little sundress that I will probably wear when he and I go out for lunch tomorrow and made myself some dinner and am working on my blog. Oh, and I had a grand old time with my toy, all alone, and a fantastic orgasm ;). Not really in the mood to deal with men at the moment, which is unusual, since my sex drive tends to be very high, but I think I just needed a break.

6. I’ve been looking into some ways to make money writing and found some ideas that I think might work. Going to give it a shot anyhow. Nothing to do with this blog, since I don’t want to make you all view advertisements. You’d hate that right? I find pop ups and stuff when I’m trying to read someone’s stuff really frustrating.

I’d love to get paid for reviewing things or writing articles online. I enjoy writing and always thought it would be great to actually make something doing it. It’s just so hard to find legit opportunities. If it actually works out I will have to let you all know!

In the meantime, there’s always that Paypal Donate button!! (wink, wink) Psst…it’s at the top right of the page and I will always LOVE and appreciate your financial support! You know what they say, there’s no nation like a DOUGH-nation and no city like GENEROSITY!! 😉 😀

7. I love wearing skirts and sundresses in the summer. I wish I could dress like that all year. It’s just so summery and breezy and even more fun when you are on a date and forget your panties. 😉

I went out the other night with the Producer to this dinner theater and it was fun. I wore a short skirt and as he was dropping me off to go park the car I told him I wasn’t wearing any panties under it and you should have seen the look on his face! Haha

It was a cool theater too, where you could recline in your chair and they brought you alcoholic beverages and food. We went out to a bar afterwards and he was sliding his hand underneath my skirt, while we were sitting on barstools at the bar. Afterwards, was, what else, but fun sex?

He cornered me though, in the car, as we were driving back, to ask me to rate him on a scale of 1-10 again. Sigh. I think I said 8. I mean, it’s probably more like a 6.5-7 but I’m not trying to hurt his feelings. Then he demanded to know if I’d ever slept with a 10 before and I was honest and said yes (after he kept saying BE HONEST). He wanted to know why but how can I explain that to him?? I may have to write a blog post about that soon.

Gosh, I’m finished already? Kidding. I want to recommend to you some more awesome blogs I have found recently as well. So, to all of my fabulous rewardees, (that’s not really a word, is it? But you know what I mean) keep smilin, keep shinin, knowin you can always count on me….for sure…

Be sure to keep this award shining on to the next person, post the lovely blog award image. Mention me, linking to my blog, state 7 things about yourself and name 15 great blogger recipients of your own! Shine on sexy people!

1. The Mental Illness and Non-Monogamy Blog
2. Laffemeroar
3. My Gay Guy
4. AngelMorals
5. Dreamshadow 59
6. Joseph McNamara
7. A Day in the Life of Shareen A.
8. Sun and Fun
9. Being a Beautiful Mess
10. My Mind to Your Mind
11. A Sexual Being
12. Goodgirlmostly
13. Vegasfetishes
14. HandswhereIcanseethem
15. MariMar