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Hello from the other side…

Wow, it’s been over a year since I’ve written in this blog! I’ve become that blogger I never wanted to be, the one that just drifts off and disappears and doesn’t continue their writing. Sorry folks, I still love you. My life has just taken me in a different direction for the time being.

It took me forever to get over the Cohort, but I think I’m finally there. I got there by throwing myself wholeheartedly into my work and pushing him out of my mind for a good long time. Boy, did I work too! I worked my way right up the ladder through a couple of promotions and I’m in a pretty good place now. Just call me the Boss. 😉

I love the freedom and flexibility and ability I have, to be creative within my work. It’s perfect for me. MY boss lets me have a pretty much unlimited budget to do whatever I want, so long as I’m making the company money. I do whatever I want with my schedule, which is right up my alley because I don’t keep “normal” working hours. Plus, I love sales and talking to people, it’s something I’ve always been good at.

Not to say it’s all peaches and roses, but I can honestly say I enjoy it. I even like the business trips, despite the fact, that I haven’t gotten laid on one yet. Someday. That’s definitely on my bucket list.

What hasn’t changed, surprisingly, is the men that I am sleeping with. It’s pretty much the exact same people as before. Not that there haven’t been some exciting times, or that I haven’t met any new people but I just haven’t gone on to sleep with many of them. Let me give you the rundown of what’s happened with the old crew.

Radioman- remember him? Remember how he pretty much ditched me for another woman? Ugh. Well, I wouldn’t talk to him for 8 months and I blocked him from my phone, but he didn’t give up trying. When I got a new phone, there he was, texting me again and I finally responded. He was super apologetic and claimed he’d come to the realization that he actually had feelings for me. Yeah, it was a load of B.S. but we did start sleeping together again. I just didn’t get attached this time. The sex was fun and we were back to seeing each other regularly, but I didn’t see him TOO often and he was acting all clingy and like he wanted something long term. He showed his true colors though, recently.

I got into a car accident, which was pretty serious, though thank God I am still alive. Let’s just say his level of support has been seriously disappointing. He is definitely not the man for me and at this point I’m leery of even sleeping with him again. Not that he’s not attempting to get back in my good graces. Again. Same story, different year.

The CEO is still around. We still see each other infrequently due to all his travelling, but the sex is still hot. He still goes for anal almost every time and it still hurts me but we keep trying lol. He did finally take me to his condo once and I’m not sure what to think. Was I wrong about him having a wife? Did she leave him? Was she just gone somewhere? I’m really not sure. Every other time has been in nice hotels.

The Married Man is still the longest standing guy in my life. Funny how he was originally supposed to be a one night stand. He told me some interesting things about his sex life recently and how he’s been sleeping with the same group of women for a long time, some of them for up to as long as 10 years, which is longer than he has been married. Hmmm… sounds kind of familiar though. I wonder how many people in this world actually operate that way?

I guess one of these women is basically his sex slave and super submissive to him. The things he has told me are things I could never do, at least not with him. He said if he tells her to leave work and come out and talk to him and bring him her panties she will and she does all these other things he demands. Outside of the bedroom, his pushiness and demanding behavior at times drives me nuts as it is. Plus, you couldn’t pay me enough to jeopardize my work.

Okay, there was one time, well twice, that I slept with a guy that I had work connections with. He was a manager elsewhere, married and it was pretty iffy. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. He is no longer with that company though. A little risky for sure, and definitely not worth it because he came in about 30 seconds, both times. I’ve avoided him since.

Anyway, back to the Married Man. We did have a really hot little rendezvous in his office one night, right after his father passed away. What is it about men and funerals and death? It actually seems to amp up their sex drive.

He called me saying he NEEDED to be with me that night and it was a bit scary but fun. He works in this big office building and shared an office with his father. I’m not sure whose office we actually had sex in but it was night time and we were first in a big meeting room with a table and later in a smaller office. I was a tad paranoid because my own office is full of video cameras that the boss can pull up on his phone, but I guess his is not. It was hot and my first office sex experience.

Then there’s the Pilot. We’ve had sex again, not too long ago. He was up here for something and got a hotel. With him the encounters are still random.

I ran into the Host recently. He lives even closer to me than before, now that I’ve bought a house. He’s married now but has the freedom to play if he wants, according to him. Just no more swinger parties at the house because his wife doesn’t want that. We haven’t had sex lately but it’s still a possibility. He tried to get me to come over a few times recently but I was busy.

Mr. Firm and I still communicate via text from time to time. He’s not been actively swinging as much either due to things going on in his life and we haven’t had sex in a long time. I think someday we will again.

Remember the car salesman/high school friend that I had sex with after that funeral? He and I have been in contact again, though we haven’t had sex…yet. The sexual tension is definitely strong between us. I’m just not sure if it’s going to go anywhere because he is dating a girl that we also went to school with and who I am friends with.

They started dating a month or so after he had tried to get ME to date him. She’s the one that was at the funeral that I said I was surprised was friendly because I didn’t think she liked me prior to that. We’ve been friendly since though we have never been close. They seemed happy though and I was happy for them when they started posting a million relationshippy things all over Facebook.

Anyway, a few months ago I went to him because I needed a new car and he had promised to get me a good deal. To doubly ensure that, I brought along a guy I work with, who also used to sell used cars. Oh boy. The Salesman was NOT happy about that and you could see it all over his face. He really gave my work friend the cold shoulder.

He was sweet to me but cold as hell to work-guy. The guy even commented that he didn’t seem to like him and asked me if it was because he was trying to date me. I said I didn’t think so because he has a girlfriend. Then we went to pick up a female co-worker on our test drive and SHE also later commented that he seemed to like me. He was nice to her, but he didn’t hit on her at all which is unusual because most men do!

Anyhow, the next day he came to a ball game that I was at with the female co-worker. I had told him he could have free tickets because we have a ton of them and he brought his girlfriend. She commented that maybe he brought her to make me jealous, lol. She doesn’t even know I have slept with him. It’s just the way he acts. The first thing he did was come over and give me a huge hug, right in front of his girlfriend.

He came again to another game about a week later, also with his girlfriend. This time she and I were talking and he was just STARING at me the whole time. Like, really staring hard. I looked up one time and it completely broke my concentration on the conversation with his girl because he was staring in my eyes and I had to look away. The girlfriend was friendly but it’s hard to say what was really on her mind. She even told me how cute I looked, but I know women can be fake.

He’s been liking and hearting a lot of my stuff on Facebook and I wondered how she felt about that and noticed they are no longer friends on there. That seems odd. I know they used to be because they would post pics together.
Anyhow, I had to go to the dealership once with a nail in my tire and he had it fixed. He was in the middle of a sale but came over to me and said next time to let him know before I come in because he really wanted to be able to give me more attention.

Then another time I came in to get my title and he took me to get my complimentary free tank of gas. He must have told me 5 times how good I looked and he kept complimenting me. I think he hugged me at least 3 times. He said he still owed me a detail and I questioned how long I would have to sit while they did that. He said 45 minutes “unless you want me to take you out”. I just looked at him and didn’t comment.

So, here’s the thing. I actually majorly have the hots for him this time around. I don’t know why, I can’t even really remember what the sex was like the first time and I blew him off after. I think I’m doing a pretty good job of playing it cool but for whatever reason I’m really turned on by the idea of sleeping with him again.

I kind of think it has to do with the sort of jealous/possessive way he acted when that guy was around. It’s like it flipped a switch in me that I just can’t turn off. Something about male possessiveness towards me, no matter how much I complain about it, really gets me going. I want to fuck him really bad but I can’t make it obvious.

Also, he actually is a really good guy and part of me wishes I’d thought more about being with him when he asked but I was still hung up on the Cohort and worried about the red flags. Now I’m kind of crushing hard… he’s just got all this drive at his job too and I love guys like that because they are like me.

The thing is, it would be super scandalous because I know his girlfriend. The three of us have a zillion mutual friends. That is definitely something I wouldn’t want word getting out about and he can’t seem to stop himself from bragging to everyone in sight every time he talks to me. He even put me on the phone with one of the guys I used to have threesomes with just to tell him I was there at the dealership last time.

I’m going to have to go back to him again soon because the car I bought was totaled and I need a new one. I guess what happens next is left to be seen….. 😉

My fantasies come true!

arrival

So remember last time, how positively SURE I was that I had found evidence that the CEO is married? I’m struggling now, with doubts. What if I was wrong?

Yes, I found a picture of him, posted shortly before we met, with his wedding ring on, the mother of his child and her family. That should be proof enough, shouldn’t it? You would think.

Only, he’s just so CONVINCING when he talks to me. Can a man really be THAT good of a liar?! This most recent rendezvous, he mentioned his “ex” (and he calls her that) several times. He even made a comment, saying “that’s why I left her”.

He also told me he’d been in China. I’d assumed he was lying because Tinder showed him as being 10 miles away during that time. Yet, when we got together again, he was COMPLAINING about having to haggle for prices when he was in China. If he’s a liar, he’s a damn good one!

What if….what if I’m completely wrong about him? What if that picture was taken previously and someone just re-posted it? Could I be convincing myself he’s a cheater because of my general mistrust of men? Maybe its easier for me to believe he is untrustworthy, than to open myself up to the possibility of getting hurt.

Perception is such a big thing. I could be making up an elaborate story in my head, because it fulfills some sort of fantasy for ME. Maybe the idea of a torrid, illicit, affair just turns me on! 😉 Or maybe, I’m totally on the mark and just trying to make excuses for him because I like him so much. :p He DOES behave like a married man and I haven’t ever been to his place!

There is just something deliciously sexy about the idea of sleeping with a taken man. So sue me, I get wet over the naughtiness of it all! Playing the mistress role for a little bit can feel kind of… intoxicating.

Sigh…in any case our last rendezvous was absolutely DREAMY! 🙂 He was doing work in a southern state and he decided to fly me to him for a hot overnight! Unfortunately, I couldn’t make arrangements to stay longer, since he notified me at the last minute, but he had said I could stay for up to a week.

I hadn’t heard from him in like 3 weeks and he just popped up out of the blue and suggested this trip. He didn’t really even ASK if I wanted to come, just stated that he was planning on flying me out on Saturday to be with him. Fortunately, I happened to have the weekend free!

He did mention that he’d been in China, and he said he’d missed me. I never know though, with him, whether I will hear from him or not. I don’t go out of my way to contact him, just wait and see what happens. Telling myself he is married at least gives me a way to make sense out of it all.  Meanwhile, he’s the fantasy mystery guy.

It was so exciting and I felt like a princess!! He flew me business select and I got to be practically the first person on the plane each time. I don’t know if he paid or used his companion miles but I saw what the tickets cost when he sent me the choices for when I could come and return. Two one way tickets, would have been about $700. Not that that’s probably not pocket change to HIM, lol, but it would be a big deal to me!

I love, love, love traveling, even when its just a short little jaunt to someplace new! It’s so fun for me and I don’t get to do it often. When I arrived, he took me out to a really nice seafood restaurant for dinner too! Yum!!

The discussion was interesting and he really is a fascinating man. He’s like an extreme caricature of what I would consider “masculine”. Sometimes I find his thinking to be very overly logical and black and white, but he is incredibly intelligent and it shows.

He’s also so, so, soooo incredibly masculine and dominant in the bedroom!! He’s absolutely PERFECT in the sack. WOW! I can’t get over how much he turns me on!! He’s like the perfect combination of super dominant and super giving, that I absolutely LOVE!

He’s so good that I still let him go for anal, even though it hurts like hell and we haven’t been able to do it for very long, lol. 😉 It’s still not my favorite activity but by the time he tries it I’m usually drowning in oxytocin and wanting to give him anything and everything.

The last time (not this one) he even brought lube, and a toy! He said Trojan had been at some convention he was at and he bought this little vibrator. It was awesome!! He pulled it out and surprised me during sex, whispering in my ear that he had gotten me a little surprise. Just the tone of his voice when he said that to me STILL gives me tingles all through my pussy.

It was brand new, in the box. He ended up having to go and get a knife to open it, lol. Yet, he didn’t give it to me afterwards. I wonder what he did with it? Did he give it to his wife? Another woman? Throw it away? Hmmmm….haha

Anyway, he used it on me in multiple ways during sex and it felt sooo good. Then he lubed up my ass and used it on my clit during anal. It probably made it a little easier but it still hurt and I still bled after. We didn’t do it for very long.

This time, on our trip, we didn’t do all that, but I FINALLY got to experience HIM having an orgasm. He didn’t even cum with me the first 4 times we had sex, even after HOURS of fucking and blow jobs. I was trying to play it cool but it had me a little worried!

This time he came, after a nice long blow job and then thrusting really hard and fast while I was on my stomach. I figure maybe he was afraid to be that rough with me in the beginning. He’s super focused on getting ME off most of the time and probably needed to relax enough to be a bit selfish for a change, and get HIS.

Lest you think the sex was short this time, it wasn’t.  It was down to about 3 1/2 hours though, versus the 5 or 8 the last few times.  It was still amazing and we did have a little anal, though not for too long.  Did I mention how incredibly fantastic he is at going down on me?? Oh MY GOD!  Lol  So many men let that slack after a while.  He even licked my asshole. 😉  No qualms… I love guys like that!

In any case, I was relieved! He came all over my back and down the crack of my ass. Ahhhh… sweet satisfaction! 😉 He cuddled afterwards and was a gentleman all the way till the time he dropped me back off to go home, always opening my car door and all the little things we women love. 🙂 I’m still walking on air…

On another note, I heard again from the Cohort. He texted me at the beginning of the year and said he was thinking of me. He was halfway across the country for a relative’s wedding and it said it made him appreciate me and the time he had with me.

It felt good to hear that, but like every other time he has contacted me, it ended in reliving a lot of grief and pain. It just hurts so much to know he still thinks of me and cares, but not ENOUGH.

I’m still spending a fair amount of time with Radioman. I saw him the day before I left on the plane but I never told him I went anywhere. We see each other at least once a week and often more.

Its funny, sometimes he says things like how he misses having a woman at home, someone to cook for him, to be there to share his day with, to be part of his everyday life. I’m not sure if he’s hinting about that with ME, or not? I like him a lot but I just don’t know if I could go there. There are so many things, like his love of gambling and the way he’s like most men and would not want ME with anyone else, but might end up there himself!

Still, I really do enjoy him and the sex is good. We’ve seen a little more of each other lately because he got my employer to agree to a collaboration with the radio station for the next couple of months. It’s been fun seeing him in a professional setting, as well as in his bed. 😉

Most of the others have fallen by the wayside, at least for the time being. I’m okay with that, especially since its been cold and wintery and I feel more like cuddling in than going out on new dates or with new men. Hope 2016 is going well for all of you!!

Am I dreaming??

Pinch-Me

Somebody pinch me, this man is just unreal!! I’m completely bowled over by the CEO. Maybe I should have called him “Mr. Incredible”, lol. Seriously….Cohort who? Haha Okay, so there are still some residual feelings there, but it is definitely helping me to get past it.

I’m kind of afraid of how hard I’m starting to fall. I really don’t even know what he wants with me. Is he looking for a relationship? Just sex? It’s hard to tell. On one hand maybe its best to assume he just wants sex, so as not to get my hopes up for anything else, but then I don’t want to act like that’s all I want if he wants more. He did wait 4 dates to try anything on me! Not sure what’s up with that!!

In any case, he’s been like, PERFECT so far!! Our last get together was very recent, when he swung back into town for a couple of days. He acted super excited to see me and we had marathon level, EIGHT HOURS LONG sex! Lol

It was through the roof, off the chain, eight hours of complete BLISS!! Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to think straight! 😉 Then when I told him I’d never had sex for THAT long straight, he said “that’s nothing, we could have kept going!!” Wow….

I’m honestly not sure if I could have kept going! Near the end I gave him an HOUR long blow job and my jaw was pretty sore. He never came though and I finally just gave up! I think he would have liked for me to keep going but I was starting to feel frustrated. He did make a comment afterwards that no other woman has ever even gotten him close to cumming with a bj and that I got him to the brink several times. I guess that’s a positive.

He actually never came at all, though he was hard for pretty much the entire time. It’s hard not to feel like a bit of a failure if a guy doesn’t cum but he made me feel so good otherwise that I’m not too bothered by it. I suspect he’s one of those men that focuses so much on his performance and making ME feel good that he doesn’t really relax enough to get there. Or maybe it’s a control thing- his personality overall is very much “in control” and he is the same way in bed. Anyway, hopefully he will eventually.

He definitely made ME cum a bazillion times! He gives incredible oral and is amazing with his dick. And yes….we had anal again. This time it was a little more painful. Still no lube and it was hard for me to take for very long. I tried though and he called me a “trooper” for it. :p

He’s gone again, out of town, but is keeping in touch. Its funny, a couple days after our encounter I happened to check OKCupid and saw that he had emailed me, over a month ago (that’s how often I read my emails on there, lol- and my mailbox is eternally full). It was during the time when we had lost touch because of Tinder failing to work and he had hit me up on OKCupid, saying “hey stranger!! I’ve been looking for you!!”

It’s kind of amusing to me that I was inadvertently playing hard to get with him. Maybe that played a part in his surprising amount of interest in me! I say surprising, because if I’ve ever felt a man was out of my league, it’s this one! Yet he acts like he really likes me and I’m kind of taken aback.

It’s like what would this guy that’s a super successful millionaire want with a poor single mom like me? Not that he knows all my financial woes, but he saw my old minivan, lol. I wanted to crawl through the floor!

He never acts like he thinks he is better than me and he’s actually been very nice. He’s been super patient when I’ve had to show up hours later than expected, saying its no big deal. Yet I can tell that in his work he is brutal. He has no problem putting people out of their jobs if they don’t do things exactly the way he wants. I made a comment about that and he just laughed and said “honey you have no idea”.

I’m not sure what he is like underneath it all and I’m still trying to figure it out. I love that he emailed me on OKCupid because I had a chance to go over and see his answers to some of the questions on there. We were an 85% match. I saw that he is okay with open relationships and that he doesn’t seem bothered by women who have had a lot of sex. That’s a good start anyway!

We were polar opposite on some things, but most of them dealt more with male/female differences. Like he is your extremely masculine, logical type thinker and I’m the super emotional feminine opposite of him. He also took a test that put him as an ESTJ on the Meyers Briggs Scale and I am an ENFP.

Oh, and he is a Capricorn- first time I’ve ever knowingly slept with one of those, lol. I think I just completed fucking someone from every sign of the zodiac, haha. I am a Virgo and we are supposed to be a good match, though I’m not sure how much I’d actually read into that. 😉

I’m just waiting to find out his flaws. So far they seem few and far between. Maybe he’s a bit coldhearted on the job and kind of controlling but that hasn’t seemed to carry over to me, at least not yet. I’m having a hard time with the idea that he could be living a double life or married and lying about it because he just seems so blunt and honest that its hard to picture. I guess time will tell.

Enough about him though, I have to tell you a funny story about Radioman. The other day I went over to his place, kind of late at night. He had left the door unlocked for me and I walked upstairs to his bedroom, where he was sitting in the dark.

He grabbed me by the arm and hissed, “Come here! You have to see this!!” He handed me a a pair of binoculars and pointed across the street at his neighbors window. The light was on, the curtains were open and two people were clearly fucking. Radioman said “he’s been jackhammering her for a good 15 minutes!” He was all excited about it and like “I KNEW my neighbor was a freak!” He even pulled out a SCOPE so the both of us could see at the same time.

It was like something out of the movies, haha. Men really do this?! The woman was white and the man looked to maybe be hispanic. Radioman said he’d suspected she liked men of color. He’s clearly obsessed, lol.

He also commented about what a nosy neighbor she is. He’s clearly oblivious to the irony of that statement! Haha It cracked me up though!

He told me that later on he talked with her and she mentioned being drunk that night. She didn’t seem to suspect that he’d seen anything. Maybe that’s why the curtains were open but sheesh… that’s almost inviting people to look! The bar she had been at is also popular with some of the swingers in this area, or so I’ve heard (its right down the road from where Radioman lives). I didn’t say anything about that though.

They eventually turned off the light and we got to our own activities. 😉 Radioman is still pretty fun but he’s starting to get possessive. He told me he doesn’t want me having sex with anyone else. Only, he said “we don’t have to be boyfriend or girlfriend or anything and if you want to bring other women over that is fine”. I’m so not agreeing to that. Typical.

Oh, and another update- remember the man I fucked after the funeral? A couple times we halfheartedly texted each other and talked of maybe meeting, but it never went anywhere. Then, all of a sudden I see that he is “in a relationship” with a girl I also reconnected with at that funeral! Lol They are like constantly posting pictures together on Facebook and saying how in love and happy they are! That was fast, but I’m not mad. 😉

I also got hit up by the Producer, a few days before his wedding, on the swinger site. I couldn’t respond, but I have no doubt that he plans on cheating. He told me before that the new woman is not open to swinging. Why am I not surprised?

An anal adventure…..

borisk

So many interesting stories to tell, but time to write in my blog has been eluding me. Life has kept me extremely busy lately. Some of it has been working my new job, which I really am enjoying, but I have also been having some play time! Just wait till you hear about my most recent sexscapade!! 🙂

FINALLY, after months of failure to sign in, Tinder started working again on my phone! Yay!! Of course, one of the first people to pop up on my screen was the Cohort. 😦 Reading his profile was excruciatingly painful but I managed to make myself swipe no and move on. We haven’t spoken in over six weeks or seen each other in months and I’m still struggling to get past it and him. Not that its kept me from dating or having sex, but my heart hasn’t been in it.

So of course, right away I went and responded to the poor guy that I left hanging after a wonderful date because the app stopped working! He was happy to hear I hadn’t gotten married and disappeared while he was off on business trips and quickly invited me out again. I still liked him, even though he talked A LOT and only hugged me at the end of the first three dates.

I actually complained to Mr. Firm that I was getting impatient, like, why isn’t this guy trying to fuck me yet?? Lol I was like he’s hot, he’s wealthy, he’s a former college football player, I know he can’t be that shy about making a move! He even made comments about how Tinder was a hook up site, yet, he didn’t seem to be trying to hook up!

I was getting a little frustrated, though it wasn’t like I wasn’t having sex. I’ve been with the Boring guy and Radioman a fair amount of times lately. Radioman has been pretty good in bed too… Sometimes he surprises me with a little kinkiness and he’s done stuff like spank me over his knee (blushing). I saw Chicago once more, and it still just didn’t do it for me. More recently, I got to see Mr. Firm, which was super hot as usual!! I hadn’t seen him in ages and he definitely still wows me in the bedroom! Then there was this new guy that is barely worth a mention, except for he took me to some really expensive restaurants. We did finally have sex but it kind of sucked and I hated the way he kissed. Oh, and the Pilot, he met me one day at work and we snuck away for a quickie (terrible I know) in an empty parking lot. It was fun but that was after I finally slept with this new guy.

I will call him The CEO. He is a big deal boss at his job and flies all over the place. A comment he made after we had sex, makes me pretty sure he is a millionaire. Not really surprising given where he lives and the company that he works for. I did a quick bit of research after that and some of his co-workers are making 7-8 million a year. He’s actually pretty down to earth though and not really flashy about it.

He’s almost too good to be true, good looking with pretty hazel eyes, built like a brick house, quite the gentleman, remembers to text, plans ahead and calls me beautiful…which makes me wonder if he’s hiding a wife somewhere. I guess you can never be sure, but he claims he’s not. We did have our first encounter at a hotel because he said his sister was babysitting his child at his place.

Suspect? Lol Maybe, though who knows, he could be for real. He says women always think that he is married or sleeping around because he travels a lot, but that he is not and doesn’t have all the time to be sleeping around that they think because he is working so much.

That is what he says, though after sex with him, I’m going to say I understand why they think that!! That, and who are all these women that are saying this stuff if he’s not getting around?? LMAO Not that I really care… 😉 He’s away on business trips all the time, out of sight, out of mind. 🙂

So, our first night together, he invited me back to a hotel room he had rented for the sole purpose of our “date”. It was a very nice hotel, almost more like a condo. It had a living room with couches and a fireplace, a full kitchen, plus a separate bedroom. He poured us glasses of a delicious wine and we talked and hung out for a good long time before he made any moves whatsoever. I was still wondering if it might not happen.

Finally, he asked if I wanted a massage. Wow, a man who actually gives massages! So many promise or allude to it and never do! He was very good with his hands too, massaging my shoulders and back. Then he wanted me to straddle his lap for a kiss. I was starting to worry that he was going to want to be dominated, lol. He had made this comment on a previous date, asking about when I was going to make a move on him and that had kind of put me off. Like ugh, ME make a move on HIM? No thanks…

Anyhow, I obliged and did as he asked. His kisses were nice and he soon suggested a move to the bedroom.

In there, he turned into a BEAST. I kid you not, I was completely floored by the change in demeanor once the clothes came off! They came off quickly too, lol. He was complaining that I had too many on at first (it was a little chilly and I was wearing leggings under a skirt). He practically ripped my leggings and panties off before grabbing my legs and yanking me across the bed so he could attack my pussy with his tongue. He was gooood at that too!!

He licked and fingered me into ecstasy before telling me to take off the rest of my clothes and stripping off his own. I was all to happy to do as he asked and the minute he got on top of me the worries of him wanting a dominatrix were gone, lol. He was definitely the one in control and he was very good at what he was doing too!!

He had me in all kinds of positions and every one of them felt amazing! He was very dominant but very sweet and affectionate too, jusssst the way I like it! I couldn’t get enough of him! We kept going for hours and I gave him some really long blowjobs in there too, but he never did cum. Ah well, maybe next time… I could tell he was really enjoying himself and he was rock hard, but it didn’t happen.

The most surprising part though, was when he had me lying on my stomach on the bed, near the end. He had gone close to my asshole a few times, like he was thinking about anal and I’d kind of tensed up and let him know nonverbally that I didn’t really want to. He laughed it off and just went back to regular fucking.

This time though, after hours of great sex, I guess my reserve was worn down a little bit. It was so good I probably would have done anything he wanted at that point anyway. He got near there and I again flinched. He was holding my wrists and had me pinned on my stomach on the edge of the bed. This time he didn’t move away but started putting a lot of pressure on my ass with his dick, not actually going in. I tensed up, but didn’t say anything and he started kissing my neck and whispering in my ear until I relaxed. The very moment my body let go of control, he pushed his dick up my ass. I let out a gasp but I didn’t try to stop him.

There was no lube used or anything like that, but surprisingly it didn’t hurt. Granted everything was super wet down there already. He kept still like that for awhile and me pinned under him where I couldn’t wriggle away, letting me get used to the feel before he started to move. He was gentle at first, kissing my neck and he asked if I was okay a couple of times due to the whimpering but he didn’t stop and was fucking me progressively harder as time went on.

Like I said, he never came but he eventually let me up and was very affectionate afterwards. It was like 5 o’clock in the morning before I finally got up to go home and we never slept.

Its hard to describe how it made me feel. In a way it almost felt like he took my virginity. Only, I’ve had some anal experiences before but they didn’t last more than a few seconds and each of those was painful. This was different. I wouldn’t say I’d go out of my way to do it again, but I’m not entirely opposed to it either. I was a little sore the next day. My arms had bruises on them from where he was gripping me too.

The sex, and I’m not sure how much the anal affected it, overall, made me feel completely different about him than I did prior to sleeping together. During, and right after, I felt super submissive towards him. I was flooded with all those “in love” type chemicals and it even made me feel for awhile like I was over the Cohort. For days afterwards I was in a bit of a haze. I think I am finally past that part, but he is on a business trip and we have plans to meet up again soon. I’m going to have to be careful with this one!

Fucking and funerals don’t mix…or do they?

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Is it shameful to fuck someone after a funeral of a dear friend? What if the guy you slept with was someone she was having sex with before she died? Totally inappropriate? Who would do something like that anyway? I guess, me.

Now I am not 100% sure they were sleeping together, but I’m going to say it’s a good possibility. I know they were spending a lot of time together the past several months and according to him they went out to a concert for his birthday. He was also pretty torn up about the whole thing, and told me he had cried over her and taken off work for a week. Apparently though, he was a-okay with taking home an old friend for some hanky-panky afterwards. It remains to be seen whether or not this was a one night stand. Maybe we can chalk it up as comforting each other…right? Got any other excuses for me? :p

Let me explain how it all went down. Some of you may remember reading about this particular friend of mine because I wrote about her when I first met the Cohort. I hadn’t seen her in years, but he had met her right before he met me, through his ex girlfriend that I went to school with.

Back in the day, as teenagers, we were thick as thieves. We got into ALL sorts of trouble together. She was hilarious, always making side comments to me about the various people we came across at parties and how they were dressed or were acting. This girl could steal anything, and while that may not be a great talent to have, I’ve got to admit it was pretty impressive!

When we were young and wild and free, we would caravan from party to party with carloads of people and she always knew how to live it up! Whether we were sneaking into the neighborhood pool late at night for a skinny dip or crawling through the window of her first car because the door wouldn’t open, we were always having a good time. In some ways, her family was like mine. Her mom was a drug addict and her dad was homeless, we ran into him one day when we were volunteering at a soup kitchen and she hadn’t seen him in months. He didn’t even show up at the funeral, pretty sad.

Anyway, she was a beautiful, tall, slender, dark skinned black girl. She used to dye her hair with blue kool-aid to give it a so-black-it’s-blue sheen and was always a fashion queen. Well, unless we were at Walmart in the middle of the day- then she had no problem going in her pjs and slippers- way before it was cool, lol. Going out at night though, she was always dressed to the 9’s.

She died unexpectedly and I had no idea she was even sick. She was on my Facebook page and we had talked a few times throughout the years about getting together, but never followed through. I learned about it when the Cohort’s ex girlfriend (that worked with her) put up a go-fund-me page for her children. Devastatingly sad, especially since I know in recent years she had really put forth effort to get her life together.

The Cohort’s ex- well, that’s another story. I don’t know her personally, just knew who she was since she went to my school, but apparently he told her about me. I had no idea and didn’t want to rock the boat, so hadn’t said a thing to her at the funeral. I didn’t know until after that they had talked and he had shown her my Facebook page and she said she didn’t remember me. Awkward!

I had actually gone to the funeral alone and was a little worried that I wouldn’t know people or they wouldn’t recognize me. It had been so long since I have seen so many of the people I ran around with back in the day. Not to mention I was one of the only white people there, minus the Cohort’s ex and what looked to be her dad, plus maybe one or two others. I would definitely stand out.

Thankfully, the minute I walked in the door I was bombarded with hugs, first by the guy I am about to tell you all about and then by a group of girls that I used to run with. They said they had just been talking about me! It was funny, because there WERE some people I knew that barely recognized me, but there were others that remembered me and I couldn’t tell you for the life of me who they were, even after they identified themselves. Even one girl I thought didn’t like me, was super friendly. Whew!

One of the girls that had been super tight with my friend and I invited me back to her table and we got a chance to talk and reminisce a little bit. The whole function was supposed to be more of a joyful celebration of life than sadness, as her body had already been cremated and everyone wanted to remember the good stuff. No funeral clothing allowed and there was a DJ (also an old friend- he says I look like I am still 18, lol) and dancing and a bar.

So anyway, the guy. He was an old friend of mine, but we had never had sex. I’m really not sure why, as I am pretty sure I was banging most of his friends and he’s always been nice looking. He was on the football team and I vaguely remember him being pretty well known for that- he played on some international team in Australia and got paid for it when we were older. He’s got a stocky muscular build and I thought was shorter than me back when, but he’s not anymore.

He’s been on my Facebook and I had recently seen that he was at the same concert I went to with the Boring guy. He had to have been sitting almost just behind me because we both posted videos and you could see some of the same people in them. I had commented on one of his posts that I was there too!

Also, one of the guys I talked to off Tinder (but never met up with) is someone that worked with him. The guy had seen that we were mutual friends and asked him about me. So first thing when I walked in the door, he gave me a big hug and said his friend had told him we talked and that he had told the guy I was a “good girl”.

Yeah…I’m not so sure about that, haha, as I’m sure he has to remember some of my escapades- I’m pretty sure he was there WATCHING me fuck a couple of other guys on a picnic table once at the park and another time that we had snuck into a swimming pool locker room late at night. He was pretty good friends with the two guys I wrote about having threesomes with all the time- they both played on the football team with him. I swear I didn’t do the whole football team, lol, I mean, I didn’t do him, right? 😉

Seriously though, I still can’t figure out why I didn’t fuck him. He claims he had a huge crush on me but kept quiet about it and that he has wanted me for 20 years. I’m guessing that’s a smooth line he’s using on all the women these days, but who knows? He was definitely running around with the crew, though he says he was in a group home at the time (which I never knew) so maybe that helped keep him out of some of the stuff we were getting into. I know he was no angel either though.

We didn’t hang out a lot after that initial talk at the funeral, but when I walked out to my vehicle 3 hours later, he was also getting ready to leave. He came up to talk and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. We exchanged numbers and I agreed to meet him up closer to the city, since we both live up here now.

He was making me laugh as we drove off from the funeral because he was pulling up next to me in his BMW, pretending to hit on me with the windows down. He was like “hey baby, what’s your name?” every time we hit a stoplight or he passed by.

I met him back at his house first, because he wanted to drive together (nice play, haha). I was a little surprised that it wasn’t as nice as I thought, considering the area where he lives and that I know he has a good job at a car dealership. He said he owns the home, but it is a duplex and he lives with his autistic cousin. According to him he has a few other houses as well, that he “used” to use for nefarious purposes, but that he is not doing that now.

He answered the door in his boxers and apologized for it (yeah right, lol). He was surprised that I don’t smoke pot anymore (clearly he still does) but got dressed and took me out to a nice place for Thai food. He warned me that the staff might be super happy to see him and sure enough the hostess was all excited but looked embarrassed for my sake, and apologized to me, thinking I was his girlfriend.

I really didn’t care, but she seemed to feel it was awkward. Actually, he had ASKED me in the car if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I was kind of taken aback because it seemed so soon but he says he feels like we have known each other forever so its really not that weird. I said “maybe” but that I didn’t want to commit to anything yet and he said that’s fine, we could be friends too but he hopes I will change my mind.

Over dinner and drinks he told me about how he has tons of money now and spends a lot of time traveling. He claimed he wants to take me, and maybe my kids, on vacations with him. He said “Daddy’s ballin now baby, I can get you whatever you want”. He even offered to get me a new car, since he goes to auctions all the time and said that I wouldn’t have to pay him back. Yeah, he was promising the moon and stars, lol. 😉

We stopped by a liquor store on the way back and grabbed some wine. He drove super fast and parked in the handicapped space. He said he never gets tickets because the police all know who he is. The full moon was out and he made a comment about it being a blue moon. I made a comment about our outing being “once in a blue moon” and he begged me for it not to be that. He asked me to please say I will keep seeing him!

When we got back to the house and had drinks, it wasn’t long before he was trying to get on top of me. Only, I was really trying NOT to fuck him that night. I was on the tail end of my period and hadn’t shaved for like 2 days. It wasn’t that bad, but I hadn’t been planning to have sex.

So it ended up being kind of like high school all over again. He’s on me on the couch and saying things like “I won’t put it in, I promise, I’ll just rub NEXT to it”. Yeah, we all know how that ends, sort of like “I’ll just put in the tip baby, that’s it”. I put up a bit of a protest, but we eventually got to it. At one point, before we actually had sex, I could see his roommate was peeking through the door, so we got up and went to his bedroom.

Afterwards, I had to get home but he kept saying he wanted me to stay and trying to get me to promise to come back. We will see if he really means all that though, I’ve only heard from him a couple of times since, and it has been short. I wonder if it really was a blue moon, post funeral, pump and dump. Only time will tell.

He had mentioned that he was going to this housewarming party for another friend of ours later in the week. This guy happens to be one of the ones I used to have threesomes with and he lives just down the road from him, but is apparently married now. He was joking about bringing me along as his date and seeing everyone’s reaction. He didn’t mention it again though and I saw pics of it all on Facebook- there were a lot of people I knew there. I’m sure some of them will hear about our rendezvous…just like in high school, lol. 😉 :p

Meanwhile….

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As seems to be my tendency when I am suffering from heartache, I am numbing myself with sex. I can’t cry. I can’t seem to feel and every time I think of the Cohort, my stomach just ties into knots and my heart sinks. I’d do just about anything to avoid thinking about him, to get away from the memories that seem to be jogged at every turn.

So the other night, I slept with the Boring guy again. He had called me, surprisingly, despite getting rather coldly dumped when I found out I was pregnant the second time (see, men DO always come back!!). Nothing has changed. He was, as usual, boring.

He has a routine and he sticks to it religiously. This means, every Friday night he eats wings for dinner. He plays the same playlist each time we have sex. He insists I drink the same drink at his place, which is apple flavored Crown Royal and Diet Coke.

He lives, literally, right behind an entertainment complex. His apartment is a part of it, yet he never wants to do anything there other than go to the same boring old bar. It’s not a financial thing either, he’s the same guy that bought me $200 boots and nice perfume for Christmas. He makes good money, he just doesn’t like to do anything new.

The times he has taken me out to eat, we have gone to the same exact restaurant all but once. He says he is a “creature of habit”. The sex is okay, but it’s just….the same. He wears a condom and can’t cum with one on, so it seems pointless. It’s hard for me to feel satisfied with sex when I haven’t been able to get a guy to orgasm.

The worst part is the questions he asks me though. He seems to think I should be obsessing over his body (he works out regularly and runs in races- he likes to show me his medals). He will be like “does my frame feel different to you baby?” Uh, what? I could honestly care less about his “frame”.

This is the guy who sends texts that say things like “I’m working out to get in shape for you baby”. It’s such a turnoff to think of a man preening for me. Yuck! Oh and he sometimes wears G-string underwear. Sooo full of himself. :p

He will ask “are you still feeling it from last night baby?” The next fucking day! Um, no, I don’t feel anything the next day. Am I supposed to?? How do you answer questions like that without either lying or seeming rude? Really, you can’t. So I play along, but come on.

Anyhow, it kind of made me laugh when he asked me that this time, because I had actually left his house, still horny, and went and fucked the Married Man. The Married Man, has been begging me for months to fuck him again. I kept putting him off.

Well, except for one time. One time, a couple of months ago, he had offered to pay me to come help him with folding his laundry. He said his wife was overwhelmed and was going to lose her mind if he didn’t help her get caught up on the laundry.

It felt pretty shady, but he put up a fake Craigslist ad, using MY email, as if it were from me, and then pretended to respond to it. I was supposedly a person who was offering in home services, like folding laundry. I was thinking that this really wasn’t that great of a cover up, if his wife DID happen to walk in the door. She had caught him sexting me once a long time ago and there is a good chance she would remember what I looked like.

In any case, I went to his house and I really did help him fold a lot of laundry. There were baby clothes amongst the piles and I was like, wait a minute- did you have a baby? He said yes, he had a 3 month old. I admit that made me feel a little bit guilty.

It also felt weird to be folding his wife’s laundry and seeing her (and his!) ratty underwear. Please, remind me, if I ever get married again, to NEVER let my underthings go to pot! He says they aren’t having sex. With a new baby, that is somewhat understandable but I’m sure sexier undergarments would help a little too. I felt sorry for her. :/ Oh, and she wears the same size bra I do…

Anyway, its not like its just me. He had a “girlfriend” for quite some time on the side but he said she was getting too attached and he didn’t want things to interfere with his relationship with his wife. He also told me a recent story about a threesome he was having with two women where one of them asked to call over a 3rd. He said SURE and the person that showed up was *surprise* a tranny!! He said he could never have sex with that woman again after watching her have sex with the tranny. He and the other woman were in shock. I can’t say I blame him, that isn’t the kind of SURPRISE most people are banking on, regardless of how open minded you are.

Point being, it’s not just me he’s fucking on the side. So, I don’t feel THAT bad. I’m definitely not emotionally attached or trying to take him away from his wife. In fact, that is the LAST thing I would want. He was actually freaking me out with some of the stuff he was saying whilst we were fucking the other night, but I’ll get back to that in a minute.

Back to the laundry. I was folding and he came downstairs and fucked me every which way on the couch before I finished. Then, some kind of contractor his wife had called came to the door and I went back to pretending to be the laundress while they talked about the state of the foundation of the house, at the kitchen table. He paid me for the laundry service and I left. Crazy.

He still texts me almost every day wanting sex. Most days I turn him down but he is persistent. Every once in awhile, I’m like what the hell, especially when things are going bad with the Cohort.

So the other night, I left the Boring guy and agreed to meet with him. It was late and he told me to meet him 10 minutes away, in the parking lot of a small restaurant. There was a man still there cleaning up, and he started to walk up to me in my car, right before the married man pulled up. Whew!

He told me to get in the back and take off my clothes. So I’m naked, other than a thong, and he was driving. He reached behind the seat to play with my nipples. At a stoplight he started undoing his pants and had me lean over the middle to give him a blowjob. His hand was feeling on my ass, which was in the air.

He was driving around trying to find a place to stop and finally settled on a dead end road in front of a house with the lights off. He climbed in the back and immediately started to go down on me. I was hoping he couldn’t taste the condom that the Boring guy had been wearing.

We were in all kinds of positions that I didn’t even know you could do in the back of a car. As he was fucking me, he started saying things like “tell me you will have my baby”. Yikes! I was like “no”. He’d say, “say it! say you will have my baby, come on”. I was totally freaked out and saying “no, no, no, no” and he kept pushing for a yes. Then he said “I’m just talking shit”. I was relieved for a minute but then he started saying he was going to leave his wife for me. He was saying that and that he wanted me to have his baby (again). I tried to tell myself, okay, this is just a fantasy thing, he said that, lol, but still…

The sex though, was good. 😉 Afterwards he asked if it had been a long time for me and I said “not that long”. LMAO. Yeah, like an hour before I came over. 😉 He was complaining that his wife never wants to have sex anymore and I said yeah that sounds like married life.

Now he wants me to commit to seeing him more often, but I’m not giving any promises. I said if and when we both have the time.

Did I mention Mr. Poly has tried to resurface a couple of times? Oh, and the Pilot. I fucked the Pilot on his lunch break from his new job (he does something with mutual funds). He was in a suit and tie and he took me out to lunch right across from where he works. Then, we fucked in the parking lot in the back of my van. There was another couple, fucking, a few cars over. He had to wipe up cum with the undershirt he had on then threw it away.

I’ve since been informed that you can get sex offender charges for fucking in public like that. Kind of scary. I should probably be much more careful. I have a history of getting careless when my heart is broken too. I just don’t want to think of the Cohort. 😦

Can you all keep a secret?

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I have a confession to make. This actually seems like an exceptionally weird time to make it, what with the Cohort seeming to have vanished, but it has been tumbling around in my head for quite some time. I’ve wanted to write something about it, but just haven’t been able to bring myself to admit this publicly.

You know how, on this blog, I’m always ranting and railing against Madonna/Whore and the unfair way men seem to act, wanting to fuck everything in sight, yet getting jealous when a woman shows ANY interest in another man? It always bothered me sooo much, until I fell for the Cohort. Somewhere in there, I had a moment of self discovery that was sort of disturbing.

I found out that, at least with him, in a way I never expected, it TURNED ME ON.

Now, the Cohort has always been fair, and kept his jealousies in check, realizing that a double standard in our situation would not be okay. He’s gotten a little jealous a couple of times, and he was real about it, but he also got himself under control without losing it. I respect that and I feel he is better than most in that area, actually.

I’m not even talking about jealousy from a man here, really, as its not hard for me to admit that it sometimes feels good to have a man get riled up enough to show he cares. No, I’m talking about me. I’m talking about ME getting turned on by what is maybe a combination of my own jealousy mixed with a little bit of playing on a man’s Madonna/whore.

I wrote a little bit in this blog, but not much, about how I went several months without sleeping with anyone but the Cohort. What I left out, is that, not only did I have almost no desire for other men (because I was so smitten with him), but that it was also, kind of…. turning me on? Something about the fact, that he was still sleeping with people, but I was not, was making me HOT.

What the fuck Lovergirl? Where is your head? Do you need me to smack you upside of it so you can think straight again? How could you get turned on by that? Didn’t it bother you??

All good questions, and I just… don’t know. Maybe I did completely lose my head. I was so wound up in my emotions that somehow it felt…GOOD.

Like one time, when he had gone off for a weekend of gangbanging, I remember feeling mildly threatened and jealous. Only it wasn’t too bad, because I knew it was not an emotional thing for him, just sexual. When he came back, he told me all about it.

I listened to his stories for a bit before he started kissing me and taking off my clothes. He whispered in my ear “but you, you haven’t had sex for awhile, have you?” I couldn’t even speak, I just shook my head no. I could tell it turned him on just as much as it did me, and the lovemaking that followed was incredibly intense. He was flooding me with affection that it felt like he’d been holding back for a long time, saving it all for me.

Not just then, but other times too. It just felt so good to feel like I was the only one on the recieving end of all that EMOTION, like he was reserving it for me, while I was reserving my body for him. Even at a party we went to, where he slept with three other women (and me with no one else, I wrote a bit about that one before), each time he would come to me afterwards for what felt like especially mind blowing sex. I loved feeling like I belonged to HIM, and him alone.

I guess that mostly ended after the first time I got pregnant. Maybe that was a big part of what lead up to that for us, subconsciously. Like he once commented, (referring to someone else) pregnancy is like the ultimate “handcuff”. After losing the baby(ies) I felt the need to use logic again and also be sleeping with other men, since we aren’t committed. I wanted to protect my heart, which was getting too involved.

Even now, I have been having a very hard time getting over the emotional hurdle of having sex with other men. I’ve slept with some, but I just can’t seem to open myself up. I’m holding back much more than usual.

All this has helped me understand, at least maybe a little more, the whole cuckhold phenomenon. I’ve always found it kind of baffling, but maybe I get it more than I want to admit, from my own angle. Did you know that there are females that are into that and they are called cuckqueens? You don’t hear a whole lot about that, but I wonder if it is more common than we realize.

It seems like, the little bit you can find online about that sort of thing though, is filled with levels of degradation and humiliation that make me feel uncomfortable. I’m not all about that. For me I guess, it’s something different.

Like at the parties before, he has done things like had me suck his dick before he went off and fucked someone else, but nothing about it felt bad. I knew he was coming back to me, tenfold, afterwards.

I once sort of shared my feelings about all this with the Cohort, over a short text. We didn’t talk about it in depth but he brought it up on Valentine’s Day, during my miscarriage and while we were eating at a pizzeria. It wasn’t a good time and I kind of just denied it all and looked away. He tends to probe my feelings and reactions more deeply, but this time he just looked at me quizically and didn’t comment. I think he knows.

It’s just one of those things that is very hard to talk about. It’s like admitting you feel okay with that can be very shameful and embarrassing. I think, with the Cohort, my level of emotional safety was so much higher that I felt I could drop my guard and just be who I am. He would lightly tease me about things of that nature or jokingly call me his “slut slave” but he never took it too far.

There is something super intimate though, about taking it to a deeper level that way. I miss him so much. 😦 At least you all are getting some good writing out of this! 😉

Sex in front of a stranger

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(No, that’s not us, it’s a random pic I found online 😉 )

So I finally had sex with someone other than the Cohort again. Actually, it’s been two people. I went on a date with someone new too, but that was sort of a disaster.

In any case, one of those people was the Host. I was super horny and had just seen the Cohort the day before. I was practically climbing the walls that day and we’d had sex like 8 times in a row. It was wonderful. But I didn’t want to ask him AGAIN.

I wasn’t trying to bother him or pressure him to sleep with me if he wasn’t the one inviting me over, especially not two days in a row. Sometimes I think my sexual needs would be too demanding for any guy to keep up with.

Like 6 other guys hit me up that day. I knew I was probably ovulating and it was funny to me that all these men were hitting me up out of the blue. You know how an animal in heat can send off signals for miles away for the males to pick up on? That’s what I felt like, lol.

Since I’m not on birth control I thought the Host, with his vasectomy, plus living close by, would be a wiser choice. He could give me what I was really craving, someone to cum inside of me, without actually having to worry about pregnancy.

His kids are in town for the summer, so he invited me to come over after they fell asleep. We fucked on his bed and it was relatively unemotional and quick, but hey I got what I wanted. He even made a comment to that effect, which was funny because I’d never said anything. I guess it was obvious.

He apologized for cumming so quickly and claimed he hadn’t had sex with anyone else since me, which was a couple of months ago. I said you have got to be kidding me, not even at the swinger parties? He said no. He’d worried me a little bit because he was biting on my neck and I really didn’t want him to leave any hickies. Thankfully that was okay. He asked some about the Cohort but not too extensively. Then I left. LOL

My other sexual experience was a little more interesting. The Married Man and I fucked in front of a random guy we met off Craigslist.

He’d been hitting me up every day for a long time and I kept turning him down. Not that I don’t love sex with the Married Man, but he was wanting to meet in a parking garage and that just didn’t sound appealing. I kept thinking, why the hell can’t he just get a freaking hotel?

In any case, he finally asked if I wanted him to stop contacting me and I said NO, and admitted the parking garage thing wasn’t floating my boat. So he put up a Craigslist ad asking if anyone wanted to watch in exchange for a place for us to fuck.

I’m not kidding, it was like 10 minutes later that he contacted me with an address of where we should go. I have no idea what he put in the ad, because he took it down almost immediately, after saying he got like 20 responses.

One of them apparently offered him $200 to watch us too but he wasn’t responding back quickly enough to emails and we were pressed for time. It was like 2pm on a weekday. I guess there are tons of guys looking for some live porn at that time, ha!

He promised that the person he chose seemed normal and not weird looking and sent me a picture. The address was less than 20 min from my house. The picture was a stark naked blonde guy with a hard dick. I’m like okay….I guess I will meet you.

I got there before the Married Man, which made me a little nervous. The house was nice enough looking, with a decent car in the driveway, but it was just around the corner from some of the worst neighborhoods in the city, literally. I was driving through those to get there, wondering what I was getting myself into. I parked a couple of houses down, on the other side of the street, to wait.

The Married Man pulled up a few minutes later and we got out of our cars. He looked bigger and taller than I’d remembered (for some reason he always does) and he said I looked like I’d been working out (true!). As we approached the front door, he asked if I was nervous.

I admitted I was a little, though it was decidedly less so now that he was there with me. Then the man opened the door. He seemed nice and reasonably normal. Actually, he was kind of cute. Not weird looking at all. Just an average, maybe 30 year old, blonde, blue eyed man.

There were cats in the house and some dirty dishes on the table but other than that it was decently clean. You could hear dogs barking in a bedroom and he said they were his rescue pit bull puppies, not to worry, he’d keep them in there. Almost immediately, he led us up the stairs.

There was his bed, unmade, but it didn’t look dirty and some laundry laying on the floor. I looked around but no sign of cameras and the Married Man asked. The guy assured us there would be no pictures, he just wanted to watch. He stood at the end of the bed, near the entrance to a bathroom.

The Married Man quickly pulled me to the side of the bed, kissing me hard and starting to remove my sundress. He was ready to rip the thing off but I had to stop him so I could untie the back, lol. He was biting my neck, and pushed me down on the bed, yanking off my panties. I was naked before I really had any time to think about it.

He motioned to me to come over and suck his dick. He wasn’t hard yet and I briefly worried that he wasn’t going to be able to get it up in this scenario, but thankfully that wasn’t a problem. 😉 The man continued to watch as he pulled me over to the side of the bed to lick my pussy.

From there, he made me turn so that the man could get a better view of between my legs as he climbed on top of me for a 69. Soon after, he flipped me to the side and entered me missionary style. He kissed me and whispered in my ear “are you okay?” I said yes.

Then he went to town, fucking me all kinds of ways. I could tell he was enjoying showing off. He was pulling my hair in doggy style and had me in another position where my hips were way up in the air, and my head was barely touching the bed, so my body was completely splayed out for the other guy to see. I can’t even remember all of what we did but, as usual, it was good.

I almost forgot about the other man for a minute, but I could hear him fapping away and glanced over once or twice to see him stroking his cock. At one point the Married Man whispered to me “do you want him to join?” and I said no. It was a split second decision but maybe I should have said yes, lol.

He went back to ramming me hard, making me scream and cum again and again. Every once in awhile he’d slow down and kiss me. Then suddenly he pulled out and stuck his dick in my mouth, forcing my head onto it while he came. I was practically gagging on cum and he said to the guy “I didn’t want to get it on your bed”. LOL

He asked “did you enjoy the show?” and the man said “yes, very much”. He invited us to come back should we ever need a place to fuck again. I saw him duck into the bathroom to wash the cum off his hands. We dressed quickly and he ushered us down the steps.

The Married Man hugged me goodbye and asked how I was doing, saying he knew the guy would be normal once he saw the house and car. I said I was good but he wasn’t sure because he called a little bit later wanting to check in. I was at the gas station by then and he texted too. I assured him that I had fun and was totally fine and he said he did too. I wonder why he was so worried? lol

Quick version of my date gone bad: I met this man off the swinger site, a white guy. He mislead me by showing me a picture that was probably 30 years old (or maybe his son?) and told me he used to play pro football. In the picture “he” and two other guys were in the local professional football team jerseys.

Yeah, he was full of it. In person he looked at least 65 and said he’d retired last year (so 66?) from teaching and coaching a high school team. He said he briefly played semi pro basketball in another state, years ago. Yeah…

Anyway, the guy tried to coerce me into doing sexual things by making bets with me over a game of pool. He said if I got the ball in 3 times in a row he’d give me $100 but if he got it in I “owed” him a blow job. Of course he did and I was dreading following through.

I got in this vehicle very briefly and he whipped out his dick but I couldn’t do it. It looked slimy and gross. Plus, he had tried to get me to get in the back of his SUV, which had some sort of a leopard skin rug laying across the back with pillows. It creeped me out. :p So much for that. He tried to text afterwards, apologizing for making mistakes, claiming he hadn’t been on a date in 3 years. I finally told him I’m just not interested.

I haven’t told the Cohort yet that I have slept with anyone else. I may or may not. So far I’ve been able to answer any questions he has asked, honestly, without revealing it. I know logically that he doesn’t have the “right” to be upset or anything but I am still a little worried how he would react. I feel mildly guilty even though I really shouldn’t.

He may not care at all and it may just be me being silly. I really do like him and I don’t want to rock the boat. I won’t lie though if it comes up. I’ve noticed he’s not talking about his exploits as often lately either. I kind of prefer when he tells me, so I don’t know. I guess we will see what happens.

“Relationship” ruminations

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I’ve been spending a lot of time with the Cohort lately. If it’s not a “relationship” (because it seems like no one ever wants that title with me) then I don’t know what the hell else to call it. In any case, we’ve been hanging out a lot.

A couple of weeks ago he took me out for drinks with his best friend and his wife again. We had fun and they were inviting “us” to further activities together. The Cohort later said it kind of freaked him out that his friend seemed to be pushing the whole relationship thing, but nevertheless he took me out again with them and some other friends, soon after, to a Sushi bar.

Later that night, we went to a swinger party at the Host’s house. I’d double checked with him beforehand to make sure it wouldn’t be awkward for me to show up with another guy and he said that was no problem. He said never to worry about stuff like that with him.

What’s kind of funny is that I didn’t end up playing with anyone, even though the Host and one of the cousins I have fucked a few times, were both there. The Cohort and I only played with each other, on a cot in a back room. We’d talked beforehand and he’d told me he assumed I’d play and that it would be okay.

The Host, at one point, came up to me, and another woman and asked if we were ready to pop things off with some group sex. We both kind of shrugged and were like “sure” but then he says “no, you can’t, your man couldn’t handle it”. I was like “he says he can” and he looked at me and shook his head.

He said “no, he can’t. I see the way he looks at you. Trust me. He can’t handle it. That’s your man.” He was being serious and acting as though he was actually concerned about the Cohort’s feelings. He said something similar a second time and another woman who was there questioned him. She was like “don’t you think he can make that decision for himself?” But the Host said he could tell.

I’m not really sure what he saw that made him say that. I’m curious though. I think he may be right, honestly, and I’m kind of afraid of that. I really like this guy and the last thing I want to do is mess it all up by fucking someone else and having him see me in a different light. I think that’s why I’ve been holding back at parties lately. Heck, I’ve been holding back pretty much everywhere. I haven’t slept with anyone else in over 3 weeks.

I know its OKAY for me to do and I haven’t made any promises otherwise. I know HE has still been fucking this married woman and looking around on Craigslist. Still, I’ve kind of been shutting out other men.

Part of it I think is just natural (for me) when I’m falling for someone. My focus is really more in one place and the other men in my life start to get neglected. I was kind of like that with the Professor too. I sort of had to MAKE myself fuck other people.

I’m not as sure in this case that I want to do that. Part of me is going well yeah, duh, you need to fuck other people because he is and otherwise you are really going to get hurt! On the other hand though, I’m really happy with him (plus we’ve been having a TON of sex, lol) and other guys are starting to seem less appealing.

Not all of them…Mr Firm is still very appealing to me, lol, and I would fuck him in a heartbeat, but he’s kind of exceptional. He still is a little further away though and our schedules haven’t meshed.

Of course, the Host did whisper in my ear when he hugged me goodbye that he’d like to meet up later in the week. When he texted I was unable to make it but he’s since been looking at my swinger profile and I think winked at me (I’m not a paid member so cant say for sure but I suspect it was him). I’m not going to say I wouldn’t fuck him, at some point I probably would.

The Married Man still texts me almost every weekday wanting to have sex. We haven’t for a long time though. Mainly because he doesn’t seem to want to get a hotel and is always suggesting his house (like first thing in the morning when I’m barely out of bed) or a freaking parking garage. I’m kind of like meh….maybe not. Even though I know the sex would be great….well, maybe not in a parking garage, it’s hard to say. One thing I will say about that man though, is he is persistent! LOL We will see…

The Pilot showed up the other day. Long story short, he’d kind of pissed me off again. He had promised to pay babysitting when we were going out the last time and didn’t. So he shows up, like 6 weeks later, saying he hasn’t forgotten, and paid me double. Hmmm…. He took me out to brunch at the IHOP too. I am pretty sure he was hinting at sex afterwards but he didn’t come out and say it outright and ended up taking me home. I haven’t heard from him since then but I am sure I will again.

The Poly guy…..I think that may be coming to an end. I’m just not feeling him or the whole situation. He’s not really coming through as a Sugar Daddy either and that’s the part I was liking the best. Boooo!

Soooo… back to the Cohort. In addition to working for him, he’s been paying me to cook him meals a couple of times a week. Of course that virtually always turns into a long sex session. On top of that we’ve been doing other things, taking walks together, meeting for lunch near his work, going out, hanging out on the couch to watch movies, you name it.

I let him make all the plans and do the calling to get together. I don’t want to push ANYTHING but it has been kind of “couply”. Oh, and the other day over lunch he tells me he needs to have a baby! He made a comment about how he is getting older (he’s 35) and I’m like you still have plenty of time. He said he does but not so much the women he’s with.

He later commented that he was probably going to end up getting some hood rat pregnant, or maybe a girl from (mytown). Hmmm…. Did I mention he has cum in me a few times? He acted like it was by accident, but he didn’t apologize. He only said “sorry for yelling in your ear,” lmao ;). I’m not pregnant, I’m on my period right now, but I have to admit a part of me would be happy, if it was with him.

Maybe that’s another reason I’ve been less likely to fuck around as of late. Because if anything did happen like that, I’d know for damn sure whose it was. The other guys I’ve been with more recently have been wearing condoms too, or like the Host, has a vasectomy.

The Married woman that the Cohort sleeps with has been getting a little jealous. She commented to him that I am going to think he wants something serious with the way he has been treating me. He told me this and I’m like why is it any of her effing business? I asked if he was going to let her dictate what we do together and he said of course not and that he agrees she is probably upset because he doesn’t take her out with his friends or do couple things with her.

She has a point, I guess, even though I find her sticking her nose into whatever we are doing annoying. He DOES kind of treat me like he wants more, even though he claimed to be unsure about the whole thing. So I’m still a bit confused. I’m trying not to hope too much or expect ANYTHING, though my sister was telling me recently that her current boyfriend (they are about to move in together and he’s taken on the Daddy role with her kids) kept saying in the beginning that he didn’t know if he could handle a relationship because of the kids either. Still, he said he didn’t know if he could handle it, and that very well may be the truth.

In the meantime, we are having a lot of fun so I don’t want to let worrying about that ruin it all. He did make a comment, asking if it was “bad” that he is “flattered” that I haven’t been playing around that made me kind of wonder if he really would rather I didn’t. Still, no promises. I tried to clarify with him whether or not he wants me to TELL him when I fuck around and he was vague so I am taking that as a no! If he asked, though, I wouldn’t want to lie.

He tells me a lot, about what he is doing with other women or if he’s put up a Craigslist ad or something, but I’m not sure it’s everything. I don’t mind and really, with him, kind of prefer to know. I feel better that he’s so open about things, no surprises. So far I’ve been able to handle it pretty well, so I guess that’s a good thing.

I guess time will tell if the Host was right about him…if I ever get to fucking around again! Kidding, I know I will eventually, there’s no promise of commitment, plus I honestly don’t think either of us is the type that would want to keep THAT up long term even if we DID get in a “relationship”. He’s admitted, on his end that his “monogamous” relationships always ended because of him cheating and I know that I would get restless after awhile too. At this point in my life I think I can admit that.

Some Cohort Confusion

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Remember how I said things seemed to be heading towards more serious with the Cohort? Apparently he thought so too. In fact, he wanted to bring up a “discussion” about it. Sigh…

It was his idea to talk about this. He admitted that I had never given any real indication that I thought the relationship needed to go anywhere. He now says he regrets even bringing it up, that it was probably too soon and that he did so because HE was starting to feel emotions that made him think about me in that light.

Okay, but what he wanted to SAY was that he DOESN’T want the relationship to go anywhere. He said he’d been thinking about it and he just can’t handle it. He’s not ready to take on my kids or sure he could handle the whole swinger thing with someone he considered his “girl”.

He gave me some speech about how he thinks I am every bit WORTH all of that but he doesn’t think he can handle it. Then he said, who knows, he may change his mind later, he just didn’t want that expectation. THAT kind of pissed me off. I was like don’t do that to me. Don’t give me this talk about how you don’t want that then try to give me hope that things might change.

Anyhow, the whole discussion was REALLY upsetting. Mainly because I had never seriously allowed myself to even THINK like THAT. Not about him, not about anyone at all, since my divorce. I just assume most men are not going to want that kind of serious with me, due to the kids and general circumstances. Its a lot to take on. I don’t expect that at all, from anyone.

He brought all this up and made me think about things I don’t even allow myself to think about because I am too afraid to hope for it. It freaking CRUSHED me, to have him bring it up and dangle the thoughts in front of my face then turn around and be like, we can never have this because of the situation.

It’s not that I don’t understand. I do. I know all too well that it’s highly unlikely that most decent men would consider doing the family thing or anything close to marriage with me. I’m not saying this because I don’t think I am personally worth it, but because I have more than the average number of children and I know its a huge responsibility, both emotionally and financially, for anyone to consider.

Why did he bring this up?? He says it was because he’s been thinking about it a lot. That basically we’ve been behaving like we are already in a relationship, that he was seeing me as someone he could have a future with, because I’m like everything he wants in a woman, otherwise. Then he got to thinking about how we met (Craigslist! And the swinger site) and the whole swinger thing too and that kind of bothered him as well.

OUCH. 😦 The whole discussion just about killed me. I was crying over it for a couple of days. 😦 He said he felt really shitty even bringing it up because I’d never asked for or demanded anything of him relationship wise. He said he just wanted to be sure to remind us BOTH that its “just FWB”.

I felt like I was being rejected/dumped but he swears up and down that was not his intent. He says he would ideally like to keep everything we have the same. He still wants to hang out, have sex, go out to dinner or swingers parties, spend time together and have me help him with his business. All this, but without the expectation of “more”.

What’s funny is it’s not like I really EXPECTED that anyway. I would have been on cloud 9, yes, if he’d said he wanted that with me, but I’d never have dreamt of ASKING for it if he hadn’t said anything himself. Ugh. Just a bad thing to bring up, especially right before I started my period.

It made it even worse that he made a comment about how if he ever DID get into a serious relationship, it would be with someone like me. He said probably someone he just happened to meet, at a bar, on the swinger site, Craigslist or somewhere like that. I’m like nice, so now I have to worry about that happening at any time? Before I felt confident that he was really into me, but that kind of ripped it out from under my feet.

Emotionally I was a wreck. I was seriously considering having nothing to do with him again and decided not to go to this weekend long swinger party at the lake we had planned on. How could I in that state of mind? I’d suddenly feel threatened by other women and insecure, which would make it a bad experience for the both of us.

Actually, if he’d gone down by himself, at that point, I couldn’t have handled it either. I wouldn’t have been able to forgive him for making me feel like crap and then just walking away to go have fun and fuck other people, someplace we’d planned to go together, without making things right first. I would feel abandoned, whether or not it was reasonable.

I told him how I felt and that I wasn’t demanding he stay back or anything, he was free to do what he wants, but this is how it is affecting me. He said he would take that into consideration, and ultimately he decided to stay Friday night. He would probably go down to the lake Saturday, but he wanted to give us a chance to make up first.

We talked and decided we were both on the same page still and okay with doing everything we have been doing and no expectations. Feelings are fine and bound to be there but it doesn’t have to “go anywhere”. We’d still be free to act the same way. Both of us were relieved and done with the “relationship talk” for the time being.

Then he asked me out. We went to a jazz bar and had a good time, followed by dinner at a late night greasy hamburger joint. He spent the night at my house and we had lots of good sex and lots of laughs. He asked if I would still like to go to the swinger party with him and I agreed to come along. 🙂

The next morning we had more sex and showered and got ready to go. We went shopping together for alcohol and food and stuff for the trip, then headed that way. We had good talks on the way down but mostly avoided the whole relationship thing.

At the party we had a good time. There was no one there I particularly wanted to fuck, though there were some guys I definitely did NOT want to fuck. We had known that ahead of time and discussed some things about it, so it was all good.

He slept with three women at the party, once each, but spent a lot more time with me. I think we had sex about 5 or 6 times there, plus the few the night before and a few times after we came back home. He even said after the first woman he slept with that it made him want to be with me even more for some reason.

He was a little perturbed when a couple of men busted in on him having sex with a woman in order to ask if they could have permission to fuck ME. LOL They hadn’t even said anything to me at that point, but wanted to ask HIM first. Its amazing to me sometimes how much more respect guys will show towards another man in that situation, yet they will get all pushy with the woman when she’s alone. These same guys, once he said it was up to me, were hounding me a bit but I chose not to go there, even though they were trying to argue me into it while he was in the other room.

I just wasn’t feeling any of the men there that night, even though several asked. Him having sex with others mostly didn’t bother me at all. The only time I got mildly upset was when he made a comment about not knowing if he would have “anything left” for me at the end of the night. It rubbed me the wrong way for a minute and he didn’t like my reaction but we remedied that fairly quickly and he did have plenty left over, lol. :p

Oh and then Mr. Motorcycle happened to show up. Eeek! That was awkward. He came and tried to lay a guilt trip on me, saying he couldn’t fuck anyone there because he didn’t think they were as beautiful as I was. That really wasn’t even true as all of the women there were at least somewhat attractive and I’d say some were prettier than I am, definitely with better bodies. I’m less than perfect after having had kids. :p

So whatever. He didn’t stay long at all and maybe it did have something to do with me. He claimed he’s been pining over me since I stopped talking to him and I really hope that was bullshit. I hate hurting people’s feelings but he definitely was not a good guy for me, and he lied a lot.

There was one point where the Cohort offered to have a threesome with me and another guy but the guy was getting ready to leave. He was a younger guy, it was his first party, but he was actually pretty good looking. It could have been fun…damn. Oh well. I was glad that the Cohort at least was considering it. That could say good things about future parties, for me.

He said afterwards that he was a little concerned I hadn’t played. Mainly “concerned” because he’s still not sure how or if he is going to be able to handle it. He kind of wants to see how it goes down and how much it will or won’t bother him.

He said he really liked having me there with him, that he enjoyed the companionship more than anything else. If he’d been there by himself he’d have spent a lot more time alone. We spent a lot of time talking and making out, especially late at night. We slept in a room with several beds and other couples and people watched us fucking a couple of the times, so it wasn’t like I didn’t do ANYTHING.

We drank and talked and socialized with people and he commented later that he likes how friendly I am. He was a little concerned that people would automatically assume we are a “couple” because of how publicly affectionate we were but then said he really didn’t mind if people thought that. Some women expressed concern that I might be upset with him sleeping with them alone, but I wasn’t, same as the guys who wanted to double check before even trying with me.

I actually went out of my way to leave him alone for a little bit here and there so he COULD have a chance to be with other people. I wasn’t trying to spoil his fun or be monopolizing him the entire time. He still sought me out and wanted a lot of sex with me, so that made me feel good. I walked by him having sex with some of the other people and it really didn’t bug me in the least. I didn’t have any desire to join in or anything and once a husband beckoned me to come over but I shook my head no because I didn’t want to fuck HIM.

Not that the guys there were bad or anything. Actually a couple of the white guys might have been fuckable. I didn’t go there this time but no saying if I would or wouldn’t sometime in the future. It was nice to see some white guys who were not just sitting there being cuckholds and were actually getting it in at a party like this though. I think my viewpoint is a little tainted with seeing a lot of that lately.

The single black men that were there (this was an “interracial party”, in case that wasn’t clear) were not ones I was personally interested in fucking (I might have gone there with the young guy who left early, but the age thing does get to me) but they were fun to talk to. The Cohort was kind of surprised, and like, but so and so has a big dick. I’m like yeah, but I’m more about the person first and the dick second.

I’m trying not to fuck guys I’m not really feeling. I guess I’m probably even more like that when there is someone I really DO like there. Like, is it worth it when there is a chance it could upset him and I’m not really that into this guy? Nahhh… Now if Mr. Firm had showed up…I would have fucked him. He wasn’t able to come because he was coaching a kids game. Damn shame… 😉 Maybe next time. 🙂

Anyhow, I’m still a bit confused with the Cohort. I really, really do like him. I kind of wish he’d never opened that can of worms because it makes me feel like I am missing something. For now though, I’m just going to try and enjoy what we have going and not think too heavily about it.