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I am so a city girl ;)

Ahhhh….life in the city. Despite all the setbacks with moving here, I am loving it! It immediately felt like home to me, and the little suburb we are in just really fits.

I’m so close to all these things I’ve never had a chance to do or try, stuff that it seems pretty much everyone else living in the real world has done. I was so sheltered for so long, and even though my teen years were wild, I was still pretty young when I met and started dating my ex husband. I was married and had completely STOPPED drinking before I ever turned 21, lol. Some of the men I have spoken with here have been shocked that I’ve never been to a casino, a karaoke bar, a comedy show, or any of a myriad of other basics that I missed out on during all those years I was living in a radically religious environment.

I’m like a kid in a candy store, only I’m held back a bit because I have actual kids. So my time is limited. My responsibilities haven’t changed, though I do have family nearby and more options for babysitting. Even though I love to play, my children are still a priority.

Well, money holds me back too, lol, but I’ve been beginning to discover that there are seemingly men all around in this lovely metropolis that have plenty of it to share. 😉 In fact, I went out with a man yesterday who paid $45 to have my laundry done for me so I wouldn’t “have to sit in the laundromat” (my dryer broke and I am waiting on a new one to arrive). He also took me out to lunch and tonight he wants to take me to a casino, possibly in one of the limo’s he says his business owns. I’m assuming I get to play with his money, and he is getting a room there as well. ::: squeal :::

This guy is kind of an interesting situation. I met him on Craigslist, where he was looking for a submissive, white, female, but he is on the swinger site as well and I had seen his profile before (though there are no pics). It says he is 49, but I am suspecting he may be a little older. He was different, in that he wasn’t looking to play with married women, but only single ones. His swinger profile says something about wanting a poly relationship.

Over lunch he made a comment about another woman he is seeing. He later told me he would like for me to meet her, but that there will be no pressure to play together, its entirely up to us. He’s actually been pretty cool so far about being fine with me doing whatever I want as well.

He’s decent enough looking, if older, and owns his own business, which clearly makes some bank. He was talking about how he likes to do things for people and wants to know what I’m dealing with because he may be able to “help out” in some way or another. According to him, he told one woman he is not a “sugar daddy” but then he is kind of belying that with his behavior. So I guess we will see. I’m not trying to take advantage of anyone but if he wants to pay for stuff I am totally cool with that!! 😉

He even mentioned the possibility of buying me a new phone! Mine is having major issues so that would definitely be nice! I’m not getting half my texts and some aren’t going out. It is driving me crazy! It really messes up communication with people and kind of fucks with my abandonment issues (as well as others). I’m trying to keep my cool and figuring the people who want to stay in my life will, regardless.

His voice sounds an awful lot like The Professor’s. Kinda funny. In a way I sort of like that. I wonder what he will be like in bed??

I’ve not had as much sex as you might expect, so far, living here, but I have been super busy with life in general. I did sleep with the Host once since I have been here and most recently I met another new man. He is an interesting situation as well!

This guy, I also met on Craigslist. I did a little browsing and responded to a few different ads the other day. 😉 Turns out he is a guy who had ALSO hit me up recently on the swinger site. Damn, us sex addicts are always on all the sites, lmao.

Anyhow, this one I had actually responded to, and he had emailed back but we just hadn’t taken it further yet and then we met on Craigslist. Kinda funny. He too, was specifically seeking out white girls. What’s REALLY funny is that it turns out he used to date a girl I went to high school with!

She is blonde, short and curvy and has a very pretty face. I think she may have been a cheerleader. I remember her from back in the day because she was running around with some of the same crowd and dating some of the same guys that I was. We weren’t personally good friends or anything but I don’t have anything against her.

Still competing with the same girls I was in high school, for the same guys though, lol, how fucked up is that?? I’m in a totally different city, HE is in a totally different city than either of us, wtf?? Hahaha What’s even funnier is that very recently I have seen a lot of pics of her on Facebook, because she is working with one of my GIRLS from back in the day, peddling a beauty product.

This girlfriend of mine and I used to get into hella trouble, so I know she is no angel, lolol. In fact I had halfway considered getting her to come to some swinger parties with me when I ran into her again on Facebook. She is a tall, slender but curvy, black girl that is now rocking her natural hair and has always been a fashion queen. She used to CRACK me up at parties with her side comments to me about things people were wearing. Things I would never even notice, like the fact that some guy had come with a rope holding up his pants instead of a belt, lmao. She’d be all under her breath “would you check out THE BELT” and have me on the verge of spitting out my drink. Hahahaha

We grew up on the poor side of town and none of us had money, but her mom was a crackhead and her dad was homeless. Her mom had these giant wine glasses in the house that were the size of your head and we used to steal them to go to keg parties where you had to pay for your beer by the cup. Somehow we managed to get away with it, lol, and ended up with a free beer buffet.

She also used to do all her makeup at the store. Like, we’d walk in and she’d be opening up packages and just put on her face right there plus a little perfume. Haha… Somehow she never got caught and always ended up looking good. We’ve all grown up, but I’m not sure she isn’t still a klepto, especially when it comes to clothes.

I love her to death but I’m not sure hanging out with her at this point in my life would be a good idea, lol. I also know how she is about guys and she likes the pretty ones…really good looking but super conceited and complete assholes. I haven’t seen a whole lot of her “type” at the swinger parties.

Anyhow, this guy said he was with the BOTH of them this past weekend, his ex and my friend. He said they were at a bar and my friend got stood up by some guy and was pissed. Yep…I told you, she likes the assholes, lol. She even dated the guy I refer to as “The Asshole” in some of my other posts, a former fuck buddy of mine, for a bit. Never!! I couldn’t stand him like that! 

Not sure what that means with this guy and his ex/”friend” but I don’t really care. I told him just not to tell them where he met me and he was like “uh, same to you” LMAO. It did make him seem like a safer option than some of the other guys I had talked with off Craigslist and I ended up hanging with him. I even accidentally stood up another guy I had planned to meet later, at a hotel. Ooops!! I got a little occupied and totally forgot!!

He took me out for dinner and drinks at a very nice restaurant in the heart of the city. We talked a lot and I got a little tipsy and we went to a hotel around the corner. He ran in to see how much it cost and said it was a lot but he told the guy at the front counter “fuck it, it’s worth it” and paid. 😉

This guy working there was a trip. He was a young black man, maybe in his 20’s, with dreads. After the guy I was with went in the restroom, he kept asking me about what we were up to that night. He was like “you two are gonna kick it aren’t you?” alluding to the fact that he knew we were about to have sex. Well, yeah, no luggage, Sunday night…last minute…um…

Then I ran into the restroom and when I came out the guy I came with was like “that guy is really interested in you, and he kept asking me if we were going to ‘kick it'”. LMFAO!

In any case, the sex was pretty good. He was maybe not quite as dominant in bed as I would have liked but I did get to cum. He kept stopping right before I would cum several times and was trying to hush me a bit, which I hate, but whatever. For the most part it was good and he was good with his tongue and fingers too, which I haven’t had much of lately so I was enjoying that. 😉 He wants to meet up again later this week.

I’ve been talking to some more guys but I don’t have time to explain that all at the moment. We will wait until something actually happens. 😉

Men and Madonna/Whore

halfangel
In preparation for my big move, I decided to switch the zip code and city name on each of my online profiles.  This has already resulted in quite a few new men writing me emails.  It was exciting for a minute, but what with trying to pack and the ten million things I need to get done, it’s getting to be a little much.  Perhaps I should have waited.

Anyhoo, I can hardly keep up, but there have already been a couple of interesting prospects.  One of the men called me on the phone today.  I’m so glad he did, because it helped me to realize I will NEVER be interested in this guy, despite a decent profile and good looks. 

He’s some kind of bodybuilder, or so he felt the need to tell me at least 3 or 4 times, and the pics would seem to back that up.  He also claimed to be an architect and a personal trainer, that makes upwards of 80,000 per year.  Whatever.  I’m pretty sure he’s full of shit, lol..

Throughout the course of the conversation, he told me that:

A. He wants to get me pregnant (WTF, why do I keep coming across this with men??) He said not to worry, he had every plan of taking care of “his child”.  (::: blink, blink :::::)

B. That he lives with a “much older” woman because she and her husband split up and she needed someone to “protect” her from him, but that they have a huge house, and both do their “own thing”.  (Yeah, nice way to try and cover up that she is your sugar Mommy, lmao).  Seriously though, there is nothing attractive about a 40 something man that needs to be taken care of like a child.

C.  Tried to tell me he was 21, then switched it to “between 40 and 45”.  Dude, I don’t want a 21 year old guy.  How is this even supposed to make him more attractive??  I’m 37.  I like men that are a little more mature.

D.  Told me he is a “sex addict”, then proceeded to tell me a story about some woman he went on a date with, but wouldn’t have sex with her, because she seemed to be giving it away “too easily”.  (:::: GAG ::::) 

E.  Asked me if I had stretch marks and said that he hoped my stomach wasn’t “all torn up” from having kids.  Nice.  Yeah, now I absolutely NEVER want to get naked in front of this guy.  I mean, that is the part of my body I am probably the most insecure about.  Why the hell would you say something like that to a mom, before you have even met? SMFH

F. Told me that normally women are the ones who hit HIM up on OKCupid (where we met) but that he saw something, he couldn’t figure out what it was, that was attractive about me.  EYEROLL.  I know damn well women aren’t hitting him up left and right on the dating sites (I did just experiment with this after all, haha).  Plus, this stuff about not knowing what he found attractive about me was almost offensive.

G.  Claimed he was a personal trainer at a particular gym.  My former brother in law is also a personal trainer, I think at that same gym, so I commented on that and he quickly switched it to a gym with the same name in a different (suburb) city.  Then he said that actually, he doesn’t work for the gym itself, but brings in people he trains and just does it there, and that he is helping the gym indirectly that way.  Mmmkay…

H.  Went on about how he needed a woman to be faithful to him, right after telling me that his ex used to want him to have threesomes with her and her girlfriends all the time.  UGH…

Do I need to go through the entire alphabet here?  Haha….I feel like I could, but in any case, no way Jose, am I messing with this guy.

I’ve come across some other interesting (and more promising) men on there, but I want to use this,  to make a point about men and their Madonna/Whore complexes.  It’s one of those things that just perplexes and drives me absolutely crazy with annoyance at the male species.  I DETEST the whole Madonna/whore dichotomy, as I wrote about in On Being a Slut. Kdaddy also recently wrote a blog on the topic, that got me thinking, and wanting to contribute my two cents.

Then I got another email on OKCupid, and it isn’t the only or first guy who has asked me this:  “Do you REALLY want casual sex?”  Apparently, when I first signed up for the site, ONE of the boxes I checked was for “casual sex”.  I think I clicked on that as WELL as, long or short term relationships, dating, and a handful of choices that were available as for what I was looking for at the time. 

The “casual sex” thing though, it gets guys every time.  I don’t mean “gets” them in the sense that they want to fuck, though that is often the case, but gets them all freaked out!!  Apparently, for many men, it is just UNTHINKABLE, that a girl like me, might have deliberately checked the CASUAL SEX button.  OMG!

This guy was unique because he actually bothered to follow it up with another email, when I ignored him. That let me know I was indeed correct, in assuming that he meant it as a negative judgement, rather than his wanting sex with me. 

Here is his second email:  “Actually after reading your answers to the questions on here, I guess maybe you are looking for that. I was trying to be helpful because it automatically marks all the options when you first sign up.”  Gee, thanks for the “help”. 

Shame, shame on me for wanting casual sex.  Once a guy wrote me a big long letter explaining why it wasn’t okay for women to seek out casual sex and that no man would want me if I gave it away so easily.  Thanks.  I so needed a lecture from a random guy on a dating site about how I should conduct my sex life. One thing is for sure, that attitude is not helping the guy get a date, at least from me!!

I’ve always been honestly puzzled and disturbed that so many men split women into the two categories of Madonna/Whore.  I find it very difficult to understand why a woman’s past sexual experiences would be such a bad thing.  If anything, experience helps a woman to learn what she likes in bed and better communicate it to you.

I’ve never been able to quite comprehend how men can have sex with women they consider “whores,” then disrespect them for doing so.  Yet, its common.  Extremely, extremely common for men to sleep around all they want and only settle down with someone who is sexually inexperienced, that they see as more worthy of love.

On some level, I know this is because men see sexual promiscuity as a threat.  If they dare to let down their guard and love a woman who sleeps around, then she might leave them for another guy.  I do understand this, to an extent, it’s just like, come on guys, don’t you have any more confidence than that? 

They trust themselves, to sleep around with many women, but always come back to the woman they fell in love with, or married.  At least many do, yet they can’t trust women to do the same.  I wonder why? 

What bugs me the most is that men do this splitting thing where they won’t be affectionate with a woman they consider a slut.  They treat her as though she is less deserving of sweetness and romance.  Is this some kind of repressed anger? 

Sometimes it goes so far as the guy shaming a woman he DOES have feelings for because of her sexual desires WITH HIM.  I’ve been on the receiving end of this plenty of times and it just leaves me sort of speechless.  You don’t want me to be too sexual WITH YOU?  WTF? 

They won’t usually ADMIT this but it happens a lot.  Quite often the same guy claims to want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets”.  Yet when the rubber meets the road, this is a threat to him and he doesn’t really want that.  She has to fit one or the other mold in his head.

The whole thing bothers me so much because I LOVE being able to give and receive love and affection with a man.  I also LOVE sex.  Finding someone who is cool enough to allow me to do BOTH of those things is like looking for a needle in a haystack. 

It’s like every guy I meet wants me either to be his girlfriend and lack sexual desire, (unless of course its for other women, to bring back to him) or he finds out I want to have lots of sex and doesn’t want to talk or have an emotional connection with me.  I don’t like being pigeonholed into either of those boxes. 

This makes it very hard for me on dating sites.  If I meet guys on a “vanilla” site, there never seems to be an appropriate time to admit I like sex and going to swinger parties.  Many times they just “assume” I want monogamy and that can be frustrating.  When I try to hint at more, then they are like oh, she just wants a fuck buddy, and out goes the possibility of anything special.

Yet, meeting men on a swinger site, they just assume you are all out for the sex and act like its crazy for anyone on there to seek out a relationship.  Well, not totally, because as you have seen if you read my blog regularly, they often want ME to stop sleeping around and just help them get some. :p  They want a one-sided relationship, where you are committed to them, but not vice- versa, like every other guy out there, lol.

What I really want, is a man who can handle me, as is, that I don’t have to pretend with.  Or…several of them.  (Ha) Okay, not really, because when I fall for someone I do tend to have a one track mind.  Not necessarily sexually, but emotionally.  Sometimes it’s sexually too, but eventually my curiosity gets the best of me.  I still think it would be fun to play together, and probably separately as well.

I think something like what Mr. Firm has, sounds ideal.  His girlfriend has it made!  He’s one of the few men I’ve met who seems to be lacking Madonna/whore issues.  I’m still marveling that he hasn’t seemed to change his attitude or level of affection for me after reading my blog.  I’m pretty impressed! 

So I know, if he is like that, there have to be other men out there the same way.  Just not enough of them, lol.  Or, more likely, they just aren’t single!  :p 

Maybe, I’m guilty of wanting to have my cake and eat it too.  But what is the point of having a cake if you aren’t going to eat it?  I’ve never understood that either….;)