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Being the third wheel

thirdwheel

I haven’t mentioned a whole lot about Mr. Poly on my blog lately, but it’s been kind of a weird ride. He continues to act as a semi-Sugar Daddy, but at times it seems half assed. Other times, he goes all out.

Like, a while back he had me picked up from my house in his limo for a night on the town. His girlfriend had insisted that I get babysitting taken care of that night so that we could go to this women only event at a club, then we were all supposed to hit some other places in the city. It wasn’t quite what I expected.

I was the first person picked up and it was very early in the evening. We were supposed to be having appetizers at this women’s event so I hadn’t eaten and had ordered my kids a pizza. When I arrived at the girlfriend’s home though, plans had changed.

There was another woman there. I had no idea who she was. She looked just as shocked to see me as I was her. She was older, around the age of Mr. Poly and the girlfriend (late 40’s). I was trying to figure out if she was a friend of the girlfriend’s, a co-worker, a lover?

I didn’t discover for sure, until much later in the evening, that she was indeed someone he/they were having sex with. Uhh… apparently she’s been around a month or two, without my knowledge. She made a catty sounding comment once, asking if I ever dated guys “my own age,” but other than that, was decently nice.

Anyhow, we were all going out together. They had decided, instead of hitting the clubs we had originally planned on going to, or going to the women’s event, we were going to some other places. One was a country bar….gag…. Thank God we never made it there, haha. (Sorry, just not my thing).

We went to what is supposed to be a cool place, with live music…but it was uh, 8:30 pm. So of course no one was there yet and the band wouldn’t be playing for a couple more hours. I texted the Cohort and he was shaking his head at my predicament, like, seriously, who goes there that early at night??

In any case, it sucked and they ended up wanting to head back to this same older person’s bar they have taken me to before. It’s kind of their “spot” I guess. It wasn’t that bad, but guess who was there? The Englishman….eeek. And guess who had also fucked him before?? The other woman that was along. She’d only done him once too and decided she was done. Hmmmm…

Then she proceeds to tell me that she is a dominatrix :: blink, blink ::: Mr. Poly later explained she is a “switch” and doesn’t act that way with them. Oh, okay. Her other kink is that she likes to watch bisexual men get it on. So she goes to this sex club that the Cohort has been going to, to watch. (The Cohort is not bi, he goes there with this married couple and the wife likes to get gangbanged there, but they have “bi” nights for men and a sizable portion of bi men that attend, as well as people with various fetishes).

Interesting. I’m kind of curious to check this place out, but then again, maybe not. The Cohort says most of the people there are not that attractive and that I definitely wouldn’t want to go alone. He says if I came with him he’d feel like he needed to spend most of his time protecting me from the guys that would be expecting me to play, that they are more pushy than your average swinger club.

Maybe someday. In any case, I didn’t even end up having sex with Mr. Poly that night. His limo driver was in a hurry to get back and needed to take me home. It was like 3 am. But the other two women stayed and he said they had fun. I was kind of glad to be leaving, actually.

I’m just not that into Mr. Poly. I mean, he is alright. The last time we had sex was in this over the door sex swing. I was alone with him and it was actually better than usual, but most of the time I’m not really feeling it.

I’m really not liking the whole 3rd wheel aspect. It feels like they sort of expect me to just do whatever they want, don’t inform me of any of their plans or make me a part of them, and I’m just supposed to know my “place”.

Mr. Poly uses condoms on me every time, which is good, but he doesn’t use them on his girlfriend. When we are at his house and she is not there, we have to play in a separate bedroom because it’s one of her “rules”. He told me I had “earned the privilege” of being in their bedroom when she is there, which was really kind of annoying. I’m just like, what the fuck ever. I don’t care about “earning privileges” with them, I’m not in grade school.

He doesn’t go down on me, but I’ve seen him do it on her. That could be offensive, but I think it’s another of their little “rules”. He calls her the “Queen Bee” and says she gets first pick of things, like when he bought some lingerie off of a website for us. I haven’t gotten to take “mine” home or wear it yet because apparently she has to have hers first.

Oh, and the pole dancing classes he is supposed to be paying for. We STILL haven’t gotten to go. Mainly because she keeps having things come up or doesn’t want to do it that night. So she doesn’t pay for the month of classes. I want to knock her upside the head!! I could go any time I wanted, once she buckles down and uses the credit card he gave her. It kind of feels like she is doing it on purpose because she doesn’t like him spending money on ME.

He says she keep tabs on his spending on other women, to make sure he doesn’t “get taken advantage of” and that she was a little concerned one night when he bought my kids pizza. I’m like wtf? I never asked for that, it was his idea, so I wouldn’t have to cook dinner. She was just being passive aggressive, or so it seems.

In any case, he did pay to have the A/C on my van temporarily fixed, which was $250. He had offered to have his maintenance people come and work on some things on my house, but they still haven’t done that. He did let me drive his SUV for a few days, and gave me a gas card once when I was driving my kids to their dad’s, that I ended up putting about $150 on.

If it weren’t for those little side benefits though, I’d probably lose interest pretty quickly. He sometimes acts like he wants more with me, but I don’t like the whole situation all that much. It makes me feel like I’m being treated second rate. He CLAIMS not to see me that way at all and that he wants a “relationship” with me, but the actions seem to say differently. I asked what he meant by that and he said I’d have “more rules”. Uh, no thanks…haha

The Cohort kind of called me on this. He said its not fair of me to expect to be on par with the girlfriend. He was like they had their thing going first and you knew what you were getting into. According to him, he wouldn’t care if it was him in a similar situation with a couple. He’s like, this guy is spending all kinds of money on you so what are you complaining about? LOL

Yeah, I guess he has a point, but I still feel like they don’t really respect me as a person. They are not thinking of ME as a human being with my own set of emotions and wants and desires but just as someone there to fulfill their agenda. This is why I’m not really a good “unicorn”. I don’t like it. I don’t like having my lower position in their little whatever they have rubbed in my face. I’m still going along with it, for now, but we will see how long that lasts.

Oh and I don’t think I told you all about the pole. When I suggested the pole dancing lessons, Mr. Poly and the girlfriend were so excited about it that he ran out and bought a pole for their house. He actually set aside an entire room devoted to pole dancing. It has the pole in the middle, speakers built into the ceiling and a mirror along one wall, as well as disco lights. He’s getting some lounge furniture to go with it.

Great! I wish I had a practice pole at my house but I don’t. He said I could come there to practice but it’s half an hour away so not much chance to do that often.

He was very excited to show me the room and it did LOOK great, but there was one problem. The GIRLFRIEND had put up the pole and it wasn’t stable. It’s like a tension rod style instead of one of the good ones that is secured into the ceiling. SO, when he and I were there alone and I was waiting for him to come upstairs, I decided to give it a practice whirl.

Guess what happened? The whole thing slipped out from under me on the wood floor and came crashing down on my head and made a hole in the wall. Not only that, but it made a big gash in my forehead. I may have a lifelong scar. :/

Thankfully its pretty small and he had run to the store to get me some liquid bandage (at my request). Its mostly healed up but yeah, hope it doesn’t leave a scar. Ugh. My head was bleeding and he still wanted to have sex with me and take a few pictures. He said he felt really bad. I’m sure he did.

His girlfriend claimed to have used the pole the night before, but there is no way she was really doing anything on it for it not to have slipped. Makes you wonder if it was a setup?! I don’t know if she hates me that much though, lol.

The Cohort says I’m the best looking of the women (he saw a picture of our night out) and should easily be able to “take over”. I’m like, I’m not trying to do that!! LOL He’s like “why not??” but that’s really not on my agenda. :p

Anyway, I don’t know. The girlfriend seemed for a bit like she was warming up to me but I still feel like she resents my presence. Yet she goes along with it all, probably because he is providing for her, a house, money and all that. I guess it still remains to be seen what else will come of this. For a minute there I thought I was going to be in bed with him and BOTH other women. I wonder if there is anyone else?

FMF Fail….

jealous woman

Meeting with this new guy, who calls himself “poly,” has been interesting. I finally met his “open” girlfriend, of 3 years. He asked me beforehand not to mention our little rendezvous at the casino, saying that she had been “depressed” at the time, so he didn’t think it was a good idea to tell her. Red flag? Probably, but I went along with it.

I’m thinking if there is any reason she might be bothered by this at all, then maybe it isn’t quite the scenario he made it out to be. According to him, she is perfectly fine with him fucking other women, though she chooses only to sleep with him. He said sometimes she even just likes to watch, and that she was eager to meet me.

We met at a Bob Evans for brunch. Mr. Poly and his girlfriend were already in the lobby, which was quite packed, and it looked like they may have been arguing. I was in a cute, but not especially revealing, sundress. I didn’t want to look too competitive. She was in jeans and a t-shirt, cute enough, but fairly plain looking, white, and obviously older than I am. She barely acknowledged me when I said hi, though he was friendly.

Because of the crowd, it was decided we would go elsewhere and it took driving to a couple of different places before we finally settled on an IHOP near my house. We all rode together in his SUV, with me sitting behind the two of them. They bickered a bit, like an old married couple, and I only interjected a few times, trying to be positive.

During the drive, I overheard a conversation between them that seemed to be about another woman he was seeing, someone he had mentioned to me before. Apparently, he had let her rent a house from someone he knows and she was supposed to be paying rent, but isn’t. The girlfriend was complaining about this woman calling her and that she didn’t want to be brought into whatever the issues were between the two of them. My red flag alarm sounded again.

We had a really sweet waitress but the woman seemed less than friendly towards her. She wasn’t awful or anything, just not super polite. Maybe it’s me, but I generally try to be nice to people that are serving me somewhere (and if I’m the one paying I make sure to leave a nice tip). She also cut her mouth somehow while eating her omelette and it was bleeding a bit, so that probably made her even more cranky. All in all, it wasn’t going that well.

We made small talk but it was a little awkward. The girlfriend, and Mr. Poly, are both from a richer area of the city, where they tend to be a bit snobbish. He didn’t seem bothered but she made a comment about not having ever been in this area, and seemed kinda uncomfortable with it. I really like it here. It’s pretty racially diverse and some people assume that means “ghetto,” even though it’s really not.

Anyhow, it was okay but I wasn’t thinking I would want to have sex with this woman. Nevertheless, he texted me later and told me that she liked me and thought I was sweet. Really? I couldn’t tell, but okay. Maybe she just seemed standoffish because she was nervous or something.

He really wanted us all to go out together and go dancing. He said he would be willing to pay for babysitting (and offered to pay about double the amount I said I would need) so I agreed to go out to a club. They were really talking this place up and it was funny because it is the same place the Pilot had driven me past previously and told me about.

According to the Pilot, this is sort of a “Lifestyle” club. When I mentioned it to the Cohort, he laughed and said it was an old people’s hangout. He says it’s where guys like them go to pick up easy, old, broads when they are hard up. Aha, well, at least he’s honest about it.

I met them there one evening later in the week. I couldn’t get out as early as planned, so they were drinking when I arrived. The girlfriend was a bit sloshed already. There was another guy with them, someone Mr. Poly had mentioned and his girlfriend had complained about over brunch. He’s a hard-up, recently divorced, and still depressed, friend of his. I was hoping it wasn’t a set up.

There was also a table of Mr. Poly’s work connections that he said he wasn’t expecting to see that night. I made sure to be on fairly good behavior and made a point of talking to the friend, even though there was no way in hell I would fuck him. Toward the end of the night I was actually letting Mr. Poly buy drinks for me and passing them to this guy, lol, because he said he was broke and no one ever buys drinks for him. I wasn’t trying to get trashed because I had to drive back later.

The girlfriend was a little more friendly, maybe? Not really though, she mostly was asking Mr. Poly to dance with her. He didn’t as often with me, but he did some, and told me when it was just the two of us that he had been researching me on the internet and found a wedding picture of me with my ex husband! I was kind of shocked that was even out there but found it myself later.

He commented on how good looking my ex husband was, as though he were surprised. I guess when I talk about him he doesn’t exactly sound hot, but I wasn’t attracted to him for no reason! LOL He is a nice looking guy, still, but I am not attracted to him at all whatsoever anymore. Six pack abs mean nothing when you act the way he does. At least I got some really cute kids out of the deal.

We drank and danced to some older music and I got asked to dance by some older men. Later in the night a guy showed up who was closer to my age, and visiting from out of town. He was an orthopedic surgeon and pretty cute, but short and a little too skinny for me. He looked about 21, but said he was 35.

We were standing at the bar and he was buying drinks when Mr. Poly appeared and pulled him aside. When he left, the guy told me “I just got the prom talk”. I was like WTF? He said he told him he’d better treat me well or he would be after him, or something to that effect. Um…okay. A couple minutes later the girlfriend showed up and invited us back over to the table with them.

The surgeon was like “looks like Mommy and Daddy don’t want you back here with me” and laughed, but we went over and they acted friendly. The girlfriend, probably at the suggestion of Mr. Poly, asked the surgeon to dance, but he later came back to me again. Meanwhile Mr. Poly said something about how I am “in the circle now” and that they would “take care of me” and make sure I am safe. Circle?

Okay, whatever. When I was dancing with the surgeon again, he was fingering me under my dress. We moved to the bar for more of the same and he unbuttoned his pants to slip my hand inside. He was like “I feel like we are in Mommy and Daddy’s basement all over again”.

Mr. Poly and the girlfriend decided it was time to leave and asked me if I was coming with them or the other guy. I didn’t want to be rude, and since he was paying my babysitting, of course I went back with them. He encouraged the surgeon to give me his number though and the guy texted to try to get me to come back to his hotel room. I never made it and he was heading back out of town the next morning. He did call later and say he will contact me if he comes back this way, maybe in a couple of months.

Mr. Poly said he was kind of surprised, but very pleased, that I had chosen to go back with the two of them. He thought I might leave for a younger guy, and was impressed that the man was a surgeon. He said “you did good”.

I rode with them back to a big, expensive looking, house, which turned out to be hers. When I asked him if it was his house he said “kinda” which left me wondering, but she told me inside that it belongs to her. Hmmmm…. On Mother’s Day, he said something about his kids coming home for the holiday, which left me wondering if he is actually lying about being divorced.

Anyhow, we went up to her bedroom. She seemed tired, drunk and grouchy and turned off the lights, then climbed under the blankets, covering her head. He kissed and made out with me a bit in the big master bathroom, in front of the mirror, while sliding off my dress and bra. Once I was standing there in just my thong panties, he beckoned me back to the bed.

He told me to get under the covers and was trying to get her to come out. She was behaving like a wife with a headache. So he slipped on a condom and started fucking me. It was okay, but awkward and uncomfortable, not knowing how she was going to react. I tried to pretend she wasn’t there.

After a bit, he pulled out and tried to coax her into fucking him again. She said something that sounded like she was accusing him of not wearing a condom with me and he argued that yes he did. She finally acquiesced, riding him, while he pulled me up close, playing with my nipple while his arm was around my shoulders. It felt weird.

At some point he slipped on another condom and wanted me to take a turn riding him. Then he pulled her onto his face, so the two of us were bumping boobs. It still felt awkward and she and I were kinda laughing. She got off after a bit and complained of being “tired” so he left her alone and wanted me to suck his dick.

He straddled my face for a little before he turned me around and did me doggystyle. We stopped after a little while and I’m pretty sure none of us got to cum. She still seemed annoyed and irritated and didn’t want to come along when he took me home, though she did hug me goodbye. She was just acting pissed at HIM and refused his overtures.

Ugh. I was hoping he and I could at least finish in the car. He made some jokes about doing that on the way back to my vehicle, but didn’t actually follow through. Ah well…. so much for that!

She texted the next morning and apologized, saying she was drunk and that he had told her she was being mean. She said she hopes we can be friends. I’m not so sure she really meant it.

Meanwhile, he obviously still likes me a lot. He has been contacting me frequently and wanting to talk, offering to do things for me, and saying he wants to see me again. There goes my second experience with FMF…. not much better than the first, lol. I’m thinking you need to have two women who are into it and into each other, as well as don’t feel threatened or jealous, and that just hasn’t happened with me yet.

Men and Madonna/Whore

halfangel
In preparation for my big move, I decided to switch the zip code and city name on each of my online profiles.  This has already resulted in quite a few new men writing me emails.  It was exciting for a minute, but what with trying to pack and the ten million things I need to get done, it’s getting to be a little much.  Perhaps I should have waited.

Anyhoo, I can hardly keep up, but there have already been a couple of interesting prospects.  One of the men called me on the phone today.  I’m so glad he did, because it helped me to realize I will NEVER be interested in this guy, despite a decent profile and good looks. 

He’s some kind of bodybuilder, or so he felt the need to tell me at least 3 or 4 times, and the pics would seem to back that up.  He also claimed to be an architect and a personal trainer, that makes upwards of 80,000 per year.  Whatever.  I’m pretty sure he’s full of shit, lol..

Throughout the course of the conversation, he told me that:

A. He wants to get me pregnant (WTF, why do I keep coming across this with men??) He said not to worry, he had every plan of taking care of “his child”.  (::: blink, blink :::::)

B. That he lives with a “much older” woman because she and her husband split up and she needed someone to “protect” her from him, but that they have a huge house, and both do their “own thing”.  (Yeah, nice way to try and cover up that she is your sugar Mommy, lmao).  Seriously though, there is nothing attractive about a 40 something man that needs to be taken care of like a child.

C.  Tried to tell me he was 21, then switched it to “between 40 and 45”.  Dude, I don’t want a 21 year old guy.  How is this even supposed to make him more attractive??  I’m 37.  I like men that are a little more mature.

D.  Told me he is a “sex addict”, then proceeded to tell me a story about some woman he went on a date with, but wouldn’t have sex with her, because she seemed to be giving it away “too easily”.  (:::: GAG ::::) 

E.  Asked me if I had stretch marks and said that he hoped my stomach wasn’t “all torn up” from having kids.  Nice.  Yeah, now I absolutely NEVER want to get naked in front of this guy.  I mean, that is the part of my body I am probably the most insecure about.  Why the hell would you say something like that to a mom, before you have even met? SMFH

F. Told me that normally women are the ones who hit HIM up on OKCupid (where we met) but that he saw something, he couldn’t figure out what it was, that was attractive about me.  EYEROLL.  I know damn well women aren’t hitting him up left and right on the dating sites (I did just experiment with this after all, haha).  Plus, this stuff about not knowing what he found attractive about me was almost offensive.

G.  Claimed he was a personal trainer at a particular gym.  My former brother in law is also a personal trainer, I think at that same gym, so I commented on that and he quickly switched it to a gym with the same name in a different (suburb) city.  Then he said that actually, he doesn’t work for the gym itself, but brings in people he trains and just does it there, and that he is helping the gym indirectly that way.  Mmmkay…

H.  Went on about how he needed a woman to be faithful to him, right after telling me that his ex used to want him to have threesomes with her and her girlfriends all the time.  UGH…

Do I need to go through the entire alphabet here?  Haha….I feel like I could, but in any case, no way Jose, am I messing with this guy.

I’ve come across some other interesting (and more promising) men on there, but I want to use this,  to make a point about men and their Madonna/Whore complexes.  It’s one of those things that just perplexes and drives me absolutely crazy with annoyance at the male species.  I DETEST the whole Madonna/whore dichotomy, as I wrote about in On Being a Slut. Kdaddy also recently wrote a blog on the topic, that got me thinking, and wanting to contribute my two cents.

Then I got another email on OKCupid, and it isn’t the only or first guy who has asked me this:  “Do you REALLY want casual sex?”  Apparently, when I first signed up for the site, ONE of the boxes I checked was for “casual sex”.  I think I clicked on that as WELL as, long or short term relationships, dating, and a handful of choices that were available as for what I was looking for at the time. 

The “casual sex” thing though, it gets guys every time.  I don’t mean “gets” them in the sense that they want to fuck, though that is often the case, but gets them all freaked out!!  Apparently, for many men, it is just UNTHINKABLE, that a girl like me, might have deliberately checked the CASUAL SEX button.  OMG!

This guy was unique because he actually bothered to follow it up with another email, when I ignored him. That let me know I was indeed correct, in assuming that he meant it as a negative judgement, rather than his wanting sex with me. 

Here is his second email:  “Actually after reading your answers to the questions on here, I guess maybe you are looking for that. I was trying to be helpful because it automatically marks all the options when you first sign up.”  Gee, thanks for the “help”. 

Shame, shame on me for wanting casual sex.  Once a guy wrote me a big long letter explaining why it wasn’t okay for women to seek out casual sex and that no man would want me if I gave it away so easily.  Thanks.  I so needed a lecture from a random guy on a dating site about how I should conduct my sex life. One thing is for sure, that attitude is not helping the guy get a date, at least from me!!

I’ve always been honestly puzzled and disturbed that so many men split women into the two categories of Madonna/Whore.  I find it very difficult to understand why a woman’s past sexual experiences would be such a bad thing.  If anything, experience helps a woman to learn what she likes in bed and better communicate it to you.

I’ve never been able to quite comprehend how men can have sex with women they consider “whores,” then disrespect them for doing so.  Yet, its common.  Extremely, extremely common for men to sleep around all they want and only settle down with someone who is sexually inexperienced, that they see as more worthy of love.

On some level, I know this is because men see sexual promiscuity as a threat.  If they dare to let down their guard and love a woman who sleeps around, then she might leave them for another guy.  I do understand this, to an extent, it’s just like, come on guys, don’t you have any more confidence than that? 

They trust themselves, to sleep around with many women, but always come back to the woman they fell in love with, or married.  At least many do, yet they can’t trust women to do the same.  I wonder why? 

What bugs me the most is that men do this splitting thing where they won’t be affectionate with a woman they consider a slut.  They treat her as though she is less deserving of sweetness and romance.  Is this some kind of repressed anger? 

Sometimes it goes so far as the guy shaming a woman he DOES have feelings for because of her sexual desires WITH HIM.  I’ve been on the receiving end of this plenty of times and it just leaves me sort of speechless.  You don’t want me to be too sexual WITH YOU?  WTF? 

They won’t usually ADMIT this but it happens a lot.  Quite often the same guy claims to want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets”.  Yet when the rubber meets the road, this is a threat to him and he doesn’t really want that.  She has to fit one or the other mold in his head.

The whole thing bothers me so much because I LOVE being able to give and receive love and affection with a man.  I also LOVE sex.  Finding someone who is cool enough to allow me to do BOTH of those things is like looking for a needle in a haystack. 

It’s like every guy I meet wants me either to be his girlfriend and lack sexual desire, (unless of course its for other women, to bring back to him) or he finds out I want to have lots of sex and doesn’t want to talk or have an emotional connection with me.  I don’t like being pigeonholed into either of those boxes. 

This makes it very hard for me on dating sites.  If I meet guys on a “vanilla” site, there never seems to be an appropriate time to admit I like sex and going to swinger parties.  Many times they just “assume” I want monogamy and that can be frustrating.  When I try to hint at more, then they are like oh, she just wants a fuck buddy, and out goes the possibility of anything special.

Yet, meeting men on a swinger site, they just assume you are all out for the sex and act like its crazy for anyone on there to seek out a relationship.  Well, not totally, because as you have seen if you read my blog regularly, they often want ME to stop sleeping around and just help them get some. :p  They want a one-sided relationship, where you are committed to them, but not vice- versa, like every other guy out there, lol.

What I really want, is a man who can handle me, as is, that I don’t have to pretend with.  Or…several of them.  (Ha) Okay, not really, because when I fall for someone I do tend to have a one track mind.  Not necessarily sexually, but emotionally.  Sometimes it’s sexually too, but eventually my curiosity gets the best of me.  I still think it would be fun to play together, and probably separately as well.

I think something like what Mr. Firm has, sounds ideal.  His girlfriend has it made!  He’s one of the few men I’ve met who seems to be lacking Madonna/whore issues.  I’m still marveling that he hasn’t seemed to change his attitude or level of affection for me after reading my blog.  I’m pretty impressed! 

So I know, if he is like that, there have to be other men out there the same way.  Just not enough of them, lol.  Or, more likely, they just aren’t single!  :p 

Maybe, I’m guilty of wanting to have my cake and eat it too.  But what is the point of having a cake if you aren’t going to eat it?  I’ve never understood that either….;)

A few…flops

floppy banana

I’ve been on a mission lately.  I’m preparing to make my big move (wahoo!!!) and it is taking up much of my time and thoughts.  Never fear though, I have a couple of new sexual escapades to share. 😉

Recently, I attended another swinger party.  This one was thrown by a couple, actually the people from this post:  A couple swap with Producer!!  Speaking of the Producer, he has been texting again, pretty much begging me to fuck him.  He even once said he would give me “whatever I want” if I would.  Hmmmm… guess we will see how much time I have before I leave. 😉  He’s been out of the country, and now out of state, so it hasn’t been practical, yet.

Anyhow, I went to the party with the military man that I went to the Slightly Scary Swinger Party with, the guy who came in me.  Because this party was closer to where he lives and I was actually coming in from out of town, we met there.  I told him I’d had sex with the male half of the host couple previously, just so he’d be aware.  He said okay, then we could play with them.  He decided we should discuss boundaries before the party, so I was happy about that.

I called when I got there and he met me outside.  The male half of the host couple (Mr. Mandingo, as the Producer once referred to him as) was on his heels.  Mr. Military walked faster and got to me first.  He grabbed my arm “I don’t want you to give that pussy to anyone else here before me. I get it first, do you hear me?” he threatened, in my ear.  Mr. Mandingo was beckoning us to hurry up and get inside.  “Anything else you wanted to talk about first?” I asked.  “NO.  Just don’t fuck anyone without my permission. Come on.”

Inside, we were greeted by Mr. Mandingo’s wife, who was sitting on a couch with another woman, and maybe 10-15 other people, who were mostly congregating around a potluck of appetizers in the kitchen.  Most of the people there, were, you guessed it, not particularly attractive.  I’d been hoping, since it is near a military base, we’d have a little better luck. 

Granted, I got there kind of late and one of the couples that had emailed me earlier was already gone.  I’d had to take my name off the party list because for some reason Mr. Military seemed to think he wouldn’t be able to get in for a couple price if I signed up. They may have thought I wasn’t coming.  I hadn’t had the time to email them back.  Mr. Military said the woman half was very attractive and was later wanting me to text and tell them to come back but my phone service wasn’t working at their house (damn Tmobile).  He said he wasn’t sure if I’d like the guy anyhow, something about him wearing a bow tie, lol (why would that be a turnoff??  Men.)

Mr. Mandingo and his wife said that they had missed me and where have I been?  They said I need to come around more often.  As he took me to hang up my coat, Mr. Mandingo asked why I hadn’t contacted him again.  He’d tried to reach me on the swinger site but I am unable to email back.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Mr. Military watching us and he didn’t look too happy.

Mrs. Mandingo (who is a blonde, 40ish white lady, lol) gave me a tour of the house.  There were beds everywhere.  Next to each bed was a bowl of condoms, baby wipes and special stay- dry pads for squirters, as well as a bag of breath mints. In the master bedroom, we again came across Mr. Mandingo, who looked like he was about to have sex with someone, a bohemian, hippyish looking woman, with glasses. Mrs. Mandingo apologized profusely and told him to go ahead and do his thing, we would leave them alone, but he hung around for a minute, being friendly towards me.

The hot tub on the back porch wasn’t working and the shadow room they had made in the basement, she said didn’t quite have the effect they wanted, but overall it was a very nice setup.  The rule was no locking any doors.

All this time, Mr. Military stayed a little way behind us, watching.  As soon as my tour was over, he pulled me downstairs with him, into a room with a bed.  He ordered me to take off my panties and climbed on top of me, still in my dress.  We started to fuck and soon there were a few people standing in the doorway, watching.  Mr. Military didn’t seem to like the audience.

He pulled out and got up to get dressed.  “You’re done already?” questioned a tall, skinny, nerdy- looking black guy. “You didn’t even take off her dress”.  I could almost see the steam rising out of Mr. Military’s ears.  “Are you gonna let me have a turn?” asked the other guy.  I looked at Mr. Military and shook my head no.  “Why don’t you tell him yourself?” he said loudly, making a point.  “She’s not interested”.  The guy looked pleadingly at me and Mr. Military repeated, “she SAID she’s not interested”.  He reluctantly walked away.

We went upstairs for a bit and I could tell Mr. Mandingo was wanting to sleep with me.  He kept coming up and talking to us.  We socialized a bit before Mr. Military brought me back down to the same room again.  This time he wanted me to take ALL my clothes off.  Mr. Mandingo peeked in as we were undressing, but politely closed the door.

We again started fucking on the bed and again the tall nerdy guy was in the doorway watching.  The look on his face was honestly kind of creeping me out.  I was thankful there was another man, and a muscular one at that, in between us.  If I saw someone looking at me like that on the street, I would be scared.  This time, I could tell Mr. Military was trying to put on a show, but the sex was still mediocre. 

After he finished he lay there for a minute, until the guy left, and then we got up to get dressed.  Mr. Mandingo again peeked in the door.  I could tell he wanted to fuck me.  He kept looking at me all night, making subversive eye contact when Mr. Military wasn’t watching.  Mr. Military didn’t leave my side though, and playing with The Mandingos never happened.  I later asked him why and he said because the wife wasn’t going to fuck him so he wasn’t about to “share” me.

The rest of the party was nothing to write home about.  We went back to Mr. Military’s apartment and he told me I had to be super quiet because one of his neighbors is someone he works with.  Basically he just wanted me to lie still and shut the fuck up while we had sex, so he could get off.  Same thing again in the morning. 

The next day I got an email from a “single” guy on the swinger website.  It was Mr. Mandingo, with a newly opened profile of his own.  He gave me his number and we texted back and forth, with him saying how badly he wanted to fuck me that night and why didn’t I sleep with him at the party?  I said my date said his wife didn’t want to swap and he said no way was he sharing his wife with this guy unless he was my serious boyfriend.

He said he wanted to get a hotel room and fuck me, alone.  I was busy now though, and had my kids.  The next weekend he invited me to come to his hotel room with he and his wife at another swinger party.  Again, I couldn’t. 

Since then he has been sending me some crazy texts.  Mainly that he wants to fuck me without a condom and cum inside me.  He says he wants to “breed” me.  According to him this is how he would “claim” me as his. I was like, well, I’m not trying to get pregnant for real and I am not on birth control.  He said “we’ll see about that”.   ::: blink, blink, blink :::  Men .are fucking. crazy.  SMH…

The following weekend I went on a date with a guy I met off Plenty of Fish.  He took me to Houlihans for a nice dinner and I wanted to fuck him, mainly because he reminded me of the Professor.  He was a little stiff, and nerdy, and actually used to be a Professor himself.  He was actually cuter than the Prof though, and former military too.

I guess I just missed the Prof a little bit, lol.  He actually texted me right before my date.  He has a habit of doing that on Sat. nights, I think because he knows thats when I usually go out.  Always with the guilt trips, but never asking me to spend time with him. 

So I went back to this guy’s place with him.  It’s an apartment on a golf course, like 5 miles outside the city limits.  Everything seemed to be going well.  We ate some cheese cake at his place (he’d already spent $80 on dinner, so I wasn’t minding desert at home)and then back to his bed.

It all went to pot after that.  We were just about to fuck when I asked him to wear a condom.  He tried to put one on and totally lost his erection, never to be seen in full again.   Yet,  he wasn’t going to give up.  He kept trying to fuck me, in every which way, doing all the sexual things he would have done could he have gotten hard.  We 69’d, everything, to no avail. 

OUCH.  It was just painful.  Painful for him, painful for me, lol.  He kept saying “it’s not you, you are sooo gorgeous”. 😛  I was trying to not let it get to me.  At one point he got it in for a little bit, but…fail.  I don’t even know whether or not to count him as a sex partner.  He’s probably going to fall among the ranks of “didn’t count” guys.

He was pulling my hair, slapping my ass, trying different positions…nothing.  He went down on me a lot, and was disappointed that I wasn’t cumming.  He even asked me the dreaded “what do you want me to do?”  Ugggghhhh…what am I supposed to say to that??  “Get hard and fuck me? ”  That doesn’t seem like it would go over well, lol.

At one point, as irrational as it may seem, I asked him if he had cum.  He had managed to get inside me for just a little bit then pulled out and ran to the restroom.  He tried to say yes, he did in the bathroom, but I could hear him in there peeing, so I really don’t think so.  It’s just that it wouldn’t be the first time a guy had gone from totally soft, to spurting, in a nanosecond, and I didn’t want another guy cumming inside me, after that last experience. 

Since I went home, he’s been begging me to meet up again for a do-over.  I feel so bad for him that I may, just to make him feel better.  I’m not really very turned on by the idea but I hate to leave him all mortified like that. :/  It’s not like it probably hasn’t happened to every guy at some point and I know it sucks from both sides.  He’s promising really nice dates and trying to get me to see him again before I leave.  If there’s more, I’ll let you all know!

Finishing up (House party, part 3)

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After the massive threesome fail, I was starting to feel pretty withdrawn.  My hair was a matted mess and I had tears running down my cheeks. It was like 4:30 in the morning. So I slipped into the master bedroom, with the intent of avoiding the remaining people at the party. 

I wanted to clean up a little bit and my bag was in the Host’s closet.  I was digging around but couldn’t find my hairbrush.  Dangit!  I must have left it in the car when I used it right before coming in.  While I was still searching, in walks the cuckhold guy I had seen earlier.  He’d been listening while the Host fucked his wife, and shortly thereafter I saw him eating her pussy on the stairwell. 

He made some joke about how the last time he’d seen me we were in 4th grade.  What?  I did a double take, because I actually did attend elementary school in that city for a while, so not improbable.  He was an average looking, white guy, with bland enough features that I wasn’t sure that he might not have been someone I knew.  He laughed though, and said he was kidding.  Whew! 

He came over and went in for a kiss.  I wasn’t too excited about it and sort of pulled away, making an excuse to leave the room.  I went into the kitchen, where another white guy grabbed my arm. 

This guy was actually pretty cute.  I’d been talking to him earlier and he’d said he was 26, though he looked even younger.  He could definitely pass for a college student.  So in that sense, he wasn’t my type, but he might have been, 15 years ago, lol. 

In any case, he was surprisingly confident and persistent, and he WAS pretty cute. He kissed me a couple of times before I let him lead me down the stairs. To my chagrin, the cuckhold guy was down there already, looking excited to see us.  His wife was passed out on the couch, though she was awake enough to respond when he made a joke about her being the parking lot attendant.

I sat on the couch with the young guy and we were sort of making out.  The cuckhold guy comes over and we ended up moving to another couch. He followed.  He was making comments about threesomes.  I was starting to think, hey, this might not be so bad.  I just had a threesome with two black dudes, now I could do two white guys, that would be a fun story to tell!  Haha

The young guy pulled out his rather thick, nice cock and I started to suck on it.  It wasn’t for long because the other guy was undoing his pants and standing near my face.  So I turned and started to suck on him while continuing to jack off the other guy with my hand.  I didn’t like the taste of this guy’s dick, what was it?  Dried cum?  Gag…

My hand suddenly felt warm and wet.  The younger guy had cum.  I briefly considered using my cum covered hand to lube up guy #2 so I could hurry up and get him to finish as well, but decided against it, lmao.  Somehow, I don’t think he would mind.

Instead I kind of pulled away and the older guy starts shouting things like “suck that thick cock!”  He was just getting revved up, and didn’t realize the other guy had finished (he was still rock hard).  We exchanged glances and I knew he wanted me to cover up for him.  I didn’t say anything about it and sort of half assed sucked on the other guy’s cock a bit while the younger guy pulled up his pants.  I pulled away and didn’t finish off the cuckhold, kind of left him hanging there. The Host had just come down the stairs so that gave me an excuse.

The Host probably thinks I fucked a lot more guys than I actually did at the party, lmao.  There were a few instances where I saw him watching me and it would have appeared to be so, but wasn’t.  Like once, this man, who was part of a black married couple that I had been talking with, had cornered me in the bathroom and tried to ask about having a threesome with he and his wife.  I liked HER and she was cool, but him, not so much.  Plus, I don’t know that she would have wanted that, or it was just him, because he was being secretive.  He turned off the light at one point and we were in there in the dark. Upon opening the door, there was Mr. Host again, paying attention from across the room.

Anyhow, I got up and asked Mr. Host if he needed help with anything. He was cleaning up and said he thought he had it and was just trying to get people to leave now. The younger white guy left and I avoided the other one and went upstairs. 

The Redhead girl was sitting on a chair upstairs in the living room and I sat down to talk to her, while some of the remaining people who were milling about filtered their way out.  She had changed out of her dress and was bumming, in sweats with her hair pulled back, like if you were at home watching tv or something. She said she had to be at some military function in an hour.  Mr. Host had went into the kitchen and was having a discussion with the security guys, I think divvying up money. They each individually hugged me before they left, by the way. I don’t think they had a clue how uncomfortable I was with the rough sex.

She sees me and was like “OMG, did you…”  I said “yes” and she said “I have never….”  I responded “I know”.  She whispered “I could barely even…”  I retorted “me either”.   The Host walks into the room so we continue our conversation in half sentences, obviously talking about the guy with the big cock, but wanting to fly under the radar so he wouldn’t catch it.  He was like “What the Hell did I just hear??”  LMAO.  I said “we are telepathic” and he just stared in disbelief.  She laughed and said “telepathy, we are communicating through telepathy”.  We both giggled and were like, it’s just “girl talk”.  He looked suspicious, but shook his head and left the room.

We talked for a few minutes longer about him and his not cumming with her and she said it was the same with Mr. Host.  She says now HE can go forever!  At that, the woman who I know has an ongoing sexual relationship with Mr. Host, whose husband is the old black guy and she is like 27, came into the room.  She was messing with her phone but looked up at that comment and said “yep”.  Then the Redhead made a joke, that I didn’t catch until later.  She was like straddling the arm of the chair she was on and said “Quit tryin to run” and the other girl laughed out loud.

Hours later, when I was in bed with Mr. Host, I finally “got it”, LMAO!  He’s got me pinned down, in some sort of hold where he is on his elbows and doing me from the back and he says “Quit tryin to run!  You can’t go nowhere!  Quit tryin to run!  You can’t get away from me!”  LMMFAO!!!  I can just picture him, with his big old cowboy hat that he likes to wear, and his southern drawl/midwestern twang accent, out there “wrasslin a hawg” or something.  Only in this interaction, I’m…..the hog.  Bahahaha! 

The embarrassing part is that, to me, this was actually pretty hot! LMAO Rape fantasies and all. 😉 Not the imagining a hog part, lol, but just being trapped like that where I can’t get away. 😉

Okay, so anyway the third girl is in the room and The Redhead again brings up the guy with the big dick. Now she is curious too because she didn’t get to have sex with him. So we both climb over onto the couch with her and we are huddled up talking and showing her pics and she is asking what his screen name is and saying she needs to put this into her phone.

In walks Mr. Host, and we quickly change the subject. You can tell he’s been trying to catch a little bit of our conversation and see what’s up. He later told me he didn’t like us girls talking about him. I guess that’s what he assumed since we had all slept with him at some point. He admitted though, that guys do the same thing. I said we were talking about something else anyway, and that she had only mentioned that he lasts a long time. Of course that was before I got the other joke, haha.

The Redhead left and the other girl went back and I think was talking with Mr. Host. Her husband came out and practically yelled at me to get up off the couch and come to bed. I’m thinking, seriously, please tell me we are not sleeping in the same bed with these people again!! Mr. Host had promised me not this time.

I got up and he was like you come in here with me, but said I needed to go outside to my car. I walked past Mr. Host and this woman having what appeared to be some sort of emotional discussion, in order to get my purse. I get the feeling she wants to sleep with him. Where is that going to leave me? I sure as hell don’t want to sleep with the old guy.

I went out and got my hairbrush. When I came back in she was still in the room, but walked out. Mr. Host was lying on the bed.

It felt a little awkward. I asked “what do you want me to do?” and he looked a little upset but said “what do you mean?” I said I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to sleep with him. He said, “of course I do, go close the door and come here, I think we are done with them now”.

I did as he asked and got under the covers next to him. The old man then barges in the room and starts telling me to get up and trying to yank me out of bed. I pulled away from him. He said “come on! Aren’t you going to come with me?”. I turned to look helplessly at Mr. Host. He looks at me for a second and then tells the old guy to leave us alone to “talk”. He didn’t come back. Thank God.

Mr. Host was like “you should have told him no, it’s okay to stand up for yourself”. I asked “were you trying to pawn me off on him?” and he said “NO!! Of course not.” He claimed the guy was drunk and normally doesn’t act that way, that normally he would be very polite and ASK me first, not demand stuff. He said he is not really like that.

I don’t know, but I was a little confused and glad he left. We had great sex in the morning but through much of the rest of the night I felt he was holding back a bit, maybe trying to keep me quiet so the other girl wouldn’t hear. He said he just wanted to “make love” and was going slow for much of the time. Not that it wasn’t fun, just a little frustrating. He did say he was tired, which is reasonable I guess, lol and wanted to sleep with his cock inside me (talk about frustrating, haha).

In the morning though, the sex was more intense and those people were still there. Finally, he came. :p I had to leave early due to my ex husband acting like an ass and refusing to take my son to basketball practice. Grrrr…. So not sure what happened with them after that.

I wasn’t able to meet with the Bodybuilder because of that either and he was kind of upset. I think he feels put off, and it’s true I kind of did do that. I couldn’t make any concrete plans with him due to my ex making it difficult for me to spend as long as I would like out of town. I’m glad I left it open ended though or it would have been worse. I knew I couldn’t make promises to get together. I’m sure he will still try to meet with me again. 😉

The house party goes downhill (part 2)

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When I left off the last blog entry, I was still at the party and had just finished experiencing a gigantic cock.  I feel a little guilty about my attitude at the time, now that he has been texting me a little bit.  He’s actually been fairly nice.  Maybe I was too hard on him. Guys don’t always want to be treated like a big piece of meat either.  In any case, he said his time with me was “phenomenal” and he wants to meet up again.  He is a nice looking guy and wasn’t awful or anything, he just seemed pretentious. 

That and I was irritated that he wouldn’t cum.  In talking with The Redhead later, she brought up that he didn’t cum with her and I said don’t feel bad, me either.  We agreed we hate it when men try to reserve that so they can keep fucking at parties or whatever, because it makes you feel like a failure.  I mean, I get the reason, because it would be hard for most of them to keep going and going and going if they didn’t, it’s just still a disappointment.  They probably don’t like it when we hold back from them either.  SHE said when he tried to put her in doggystyle she told him “no way!”  LMAO  Made me feel a little better about refusing to swallow.

Okay, so when I walked out of the bedroom with this guy, I saw The Host watching from across the room.  It was mildly awkward so I just kind of ducked into the kitchen to avoid him.  He got up and followed me.  He came over and grabbed my arm and said “come here”, practically dragging me back to his bedroom.  Only he kept going, and took me into the bathroom. 

I was like “why are we going in here?” and he said because it was more private.  The private rooms were all filled up and his room was for public play.  I couldn’t tell if he was upset or angry or what and was trying to gauge his reaction. 

He said he had to have me now, and started undoing his pants.  He told me to suck it and I had to close the toilet lid and sit on it to do so, lol.  It’s a small little 3/4 bathroom and a tight squeeze in there.  I didn’t do that for long before he pulled me up and told me to bend over.  Over the toilet, lol, I was having to grab onto the sides of it to hold on. 

He grabbed a hold of my hair, pulled me up enough to where he could talk in my ear and said “did he wear a condom?”  I said yes and he said “I don’t want you fucking anyone here without a condom but me”.  I said okay, (not like I was planning to do that anyhow) and he pulled my hair harder, starts pumping harder and says “I mean it!  Do you hear me? I want to be the only one who gets to feel your wetness”. 

Okay, anyhow, we were in there for quite awhile, in the same position, with me grabbing onto the sides of the toilet, lol.  He kept saying he needed to go and could hear people out there looking for him, but he didn’t want to.  He finally stopped (without cumming) and said “I have to go out there but I promise I’ll make love to you later when we are alone”.  What’s funny is that today he actually apologized for being “too aggressive” with me and I guess that is what he was talking about, though I wasn’t the least bit bothered by it at all.

After I left the room I was accosted by the security guy I had been flirting with.  I guess he saw I had just been in there with the Host.  He said he was finished working so we went into a private room.  He started to break out a condom and then asks me if I want him to go get his cousin first.  I said “sure” so he did.  Now I’m kind of regretting that.  I think all would have gone much better had it just been the two of us.

This was quite possibly the worst threesome I have ever had.  We started out on the bed with me sucking security guy #2’s dick, and the other guy fucking me from behind, just like the last time.  Okay, well guy #1 is behind me going at it kind of hard and at the same time guy #2 starts trying to deep throat fuck me.  This was not cool as I was gagging and on the verge of throwing up.  I had my hand on the lower half of his cock and that was the only thing keeping me from choking to death while they were both ramming me from different directions.  I wasn’t in a position where I could SAY anything so I was trying to push back with my hand and stop this and security guy number two starts saying “get your hand out of there, come on suck the whole thing, take it all” and ramming harder. 

Let me say here that this is totally NOT my thing!  I do not enjoy being gagged to death on someone’s cock or having them fuck my throat.  Hell, its hard not to choke sometimes even controlling things myself, let alone with someone ramming it in there.  Apparently there are women in the world who enjoy this sort of thing but I am not one of them!!

It got to the point where I managed to pull my mouth off of his cock.  He didn’t seem to like that and was yelling something about taking it all in but I pulled away and we switched positions, to where I was fucking HIM instead.  He put on a condom and started doing me from the back.   Only he was fucking me much harder, ramming it in a lot harder and faster and the OTHER guy starts saying the same crap this one was about taking it in my throat.  I was miserable and trying to push them both away at the same time.  They didn’t seem to get it.

Someone opened the door and let in the old guy from the last party.  Security guy #2 left the room to go grab another woman while this old guy comes up behind me and is trying to finger me from the back, while I’m still in a doggystyle position with my mouth on security guy #1.  I was showing no interest in sucking his cock anymore and he’s starting to go limp, but still pushing for me to suck it.  Meanwhile the old guy is behind me and trying to finger me from the back, which I also wasn’t enjoying.  A dick is one thing but fingers can irritate me at times and in that position and with him basically trying to fuck me with them, it was not fun.

Security guy #2 and the other woman, a skinny older black woman who has the “librarian” look with glasses and gray streaks in her hair came in.  She starts sucking his cock and he is telling her the same shit he was saying to me but she actually seems to like it.  Maybe because no one was ramming her into him from the back.  Anyhow, the old man was diverted onto fingering her and I was glad for that.  I started to get up, wanting to leave, but security guy #1 comes up behind me and wants to fuck me over the side of the bed.  He was struggling with the condom and losing his erection.

The other woman was really getting into things, really seemed to be enjoying this crap that I hated.  I had tears all down my cheeks, and was feeling awful.  I just wanted to get out of there, but I let him put it in from behind for a minute.  It felt like he went in without a condom and I finally just pulled away from him and walked over to the other side of the room to start getting dressed.  I don’t think he came. 

Maybe some of it was that it was 4 am and my drinks were starting to wear off, but I was just totally turned off and unhappy.  I guess I felt a little inadequate for not liking this stuff when the other woman seemed to think it was so great too.  I was hoping though that they would just direct their attention to her. The old guy had left and the second security guy and the other woman finished while I was getting dressed.  She was lying on the bed and said she was still cumming.  :p 

I don’t know.  I just hate that sort of thing.  To me it feels degrading and I’m not enjoying it a bit.  When I say I like dominant men, I don’t mean in that sort of way, at all.  Maybe I’m hard to please.  It’s one of the reasons I am afraid of gangbangs though.  Some guys just don’t get the difference there or what I mean when I try to tell them that.  Having a bunch of guys and a misunderstanding in that sense could really end up to be a disaster.

Gotta run, my library time is up.  More soon!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

50 Shades of Red

I am blushing so hotly right now.  I’m about to do something I never thought I’d do. I am going to allow one of the guys I am fucking to read my blog.  He’ll have the key to the window of my deepest inner thoughts.

As all of my regular readers know, I post a LOT of intimate information and private things here.  I make a point of being as real and emotionally honest as possible.  Him reading is not going to change that, so he is going to have to decide for himself whether or not it is something he can handle.  I think for a lot of guys it would be too much to digest and they might want to close the window after taking a little peek.

If any man I know CAN handle this though, it’s Mr. Firm (have fun figuring out why I call you that, lmao).  He’s proven to be one of the most sexually open and nonjudgmental men I’ve yet to meet.  He’s cool, calm and collected and hasn’t flipped out or seemed threatened over the stuff I’ve already told him.  Most especially, he doesn’t seem to apply the double standard that so many men do. I love that.

So, if he doesn’t mind reading about things like my fuck buddy’s dick size or my thoughts about possible gangbangs with him and his friends (lmfao, I am sure you will enjoy that post), or learning about what exactly I did and thought at that last party after he left the scene, in gruesome detail, well, then here you have it! 

This should be fun and I admit to being a little bit turned on by being exposed like this, but I’m also WAY nervous, haha!  I’ve never let anyone I know in real life see my blog and a whole nother side of what goes on in my head, besides what I do with my body.  I’m going to be picturing him reading this, staring at me with that intense passion that he has during sex.  I’ve never had a guy look at me like that.  Sometimes I can barely return his gaze, it’s so dominant and unwavering, makes me feel like he is piercing my soul.  I’m almost afraid I’m not going to be able to look him in the eye ever again, haha.

It reminds me of back in middle school, when I had my first official “boyfriend”.  He was a nice looking, shorter than me (hey, we were in middle school, give the guy a break, 😉 ), Italian guy with dark hair and eyes.  We’d spent a lot of time flirting with each other in class before he ever asked me out.  He asked over the phone and we spent hours talking.  Then, after it was official, and everyone knew we were going out, I’d see him at school and suddenly, even him walking down the other side of the hallway, was sooo mortifying that I had to duck into the bathroom with all my girlfriends to hide.  I was too afraid to talk to him face to face!  Lmao!  Obviously that relationship didn’t last long. Ha!

Anyhow, I feel like someone is about to read my diary.  I want to crawl through the floor.  My “crush” has found me out!  (I do talk about him an awful lot, lol, he may be surprised).  I THINK he knows that my feelings are harmless, since I’m not intending to take them anywhere and know full well he is happy in his situation, which I am not trying to change. 

Yet, I want him to see it.  He’s the only guy that has expressed a REAL interest in reading what I have to say, even though others have heard I have a blog.  I trust him, as unusual as that may be, for me.  He’s shown again and again that he means what he says, and here is what he said, verbatim:  “I’m sure even if I thought whoa about what ever you have written, I’m not givin up the great sex. Fuck that.  Lmfao”.  Haha, I’m gonna hold him to that because I don’t want to give it up either!!  😀

So here goes…. I am off to go hide my face somewhere, after I give him the link!  LMAO!  Enjoy!! 😉 🙂