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Communication with the Cohort

pillow-talk-toni-thorne

 

I’ve been hanging out with the Cohort quite a bit lately. Last night we went to a swinger party. I’m really liking him and the way he handles situations with me. We seem to be on the same page about a lot of things.

He SEEMS to be indicating that he wants a more “serious” relationship with me. By “serious” I do not mean “monogamous”. A lot of the things he says and does, though, seem to indicate he wants something more long term. I’m okay with that. Very okay with that. 🙂 But I’m not going to push it.

I’m excited, but tentative. I know there are a lot of things that might hold a man back from wanting anything other than just sex with me. Still, so far he does not seem intimidated, so we will see. He keeps saying I seemed to have come into his life at just the right time, when he was on the fence regarding monogamy vs. swinging. I guess I’m like the perfect compromise. 😉

We had a good talk before going to the party. Our final decision was that we would be free to play separately, rather than try to find the perfect people to play with together. No handcuffing one another. We COULD also play together if there were a group situation going down. He even let me know he’d be okay with threesomes, whether they were with me and another girl, or me and another guy (see why I’m liking this guy??). If one of us were going off or using the hotel room (the party was held at a hotel), we’d text to let the other know where we were at.

He got a room with double beds, one would be for play and the other kept clean for us to sleep on. At the end of the night it would be just he and I in there and no one else allowed to stay. If any gangbang situations went down, I probably wouldn’t be a part of it, though he might.

I didn’t even tell him about the gangbang thing the other night. A couple of guys (including Mr. Firm) advised me not to if I’m thinking more serious with him. I’m not obligated to tell him what I do at this point outside of at parties, and why risk possibly upsetting him?

So I said nothing about that, BUT he knows I have had negative experiences in the past. We’ve talked about it. What’s kind of ironic is that he’s been in a LOT of gangbangs. Like, more than your average Joe, haha. He was involved in some things that actually ended up being a big scandal that I can’t talk about on my blog. In any case, it was all consensual and not pushed. I like that he has been very open with me about that.

Anyhow, in keeping with the gangbang theme, some kind of crazy stuff came out right before this party went down last night. In fact, right after we pulled up to the hotel and were walking across the parking lot to check in. SOMEHOW, we had gotten to talking about this girl he used to date that went to my high school. Through her, he had met some people from my hometown.

He just happened to bring up, this one guy he said he had met, who really got on his nerves. There was some situation where he happened to be in a bar, with the ex girlfriend from my town, but they were no longer dating. He had temporarily broken up with this other girl he was dating and she happened to be there too.

Okay, so THIS GUY was trying to hit on her and telling the Cohort he was going to get her, without knowing that it was a girl he had been seeing. I guess he wasn’t saying because he was there with the other girl. In any case she was shutting him down (I’m guessing more because he was there watching than anything ) and dude was really starting to get to him.

ANYHOW, this is all important only because guess who the guy was??? The freaking guy I was IN LOVE with way back when I was 18, (before I met my ex husband) and who massively hurt me by trying to push me into a gangbang when we were dating.

I mean it was awful. We were in a hotel room, I was naked, because I’d had sex with him. These other guys (10-15 of them) had come in the room and they stole my clothes. I didn’t end up doing anything with them because I started crying and asking him not to let them touch me. He finally ended up telling them to back off, putting his clothes on me and driving me home in his underwear. But not after trying to coerce me into doing it by telling me if I “really loved” him I would.

It was pretty traumatic at the time. I don’t even like talking about it too much here on my blog because I know a lot of people would not understand some of it or why I would even have fallen for this guy in the first place. He was also there when I was 15 and the first time I ever actually got involved in a gangbang.

That time it was most definitely not something I wanted to do. He was the one standing there saying “man, she’s scared, I don’t want to do this” over and over again, but he’d gone along with it. He was 19 at the time, at least one of the other guys was 21…I don’t even want to get into it. The reason it is even relevant is that he brought it up in the second scenario (after we’d continued fucking for 3 years) and was like “you’ve done it before” as part of his reasoning that I would do it again.

Please, if you are reading this and it upsets you, I understand, but don’t tell me what I “should” have done in those situations or regarding dating him later on. I know. I was young and made a lot of bad decisions that I can’t go back and change now. Like it or not, a few years down the road I fell in love with this guy, and I mean hard. It took me years to get over what happened with him.

Honestly, I don’t think he did much better. He would try to sabotage my dating other guys after that. Like any time he would see me out at a club or something, he would try to get the guy alone and tell him I had a boyfriend, make threats to him, or tell lies about me to keep him away. He even did that to the guy I had the affair with (who is his half brother, complicated, I know).

He tries to malign me. 20 years later. Its all kinds of fucked up. Especially because he will still like, poke me on Facebook. He did it again a couple of days ago. He’s tried asking me out for drinks too and I shut him down in sort of a mean way (not that he didn’t deserve it). Yet I’ve been friendly other times and even have him on my Facebook page. Don’t ask, lol. It will never make sense. I made the mistake of having sex with him ONE time, after the incident too, despite everything. It was the day before I went away for college and I haven’t seen him since.

Ugh. I’m sure that was painful to read. It paints my decisions in a pretty bad light (and they were) as well as the guys involved. That may be true but I was young and dumb and sometimes you just do stupid stuff.

SO, when the Cohort brought him up I was like OMG, no…not him…hahahaha. Of ALL freaking people! When I first said I knew him he asked “did you fuck him?” and said he had heard this guy was running through all kinds of women. I said yes and he said (jokingly-not serious at all) “Man, I just lost a little bit of respect for you”. I told him that doesn’t even scratch the surface and let him drag it out of me that we had dated.

Later on, sometime in the middle of the night, and after some drinks, we got to talking about this again and it all came out. The whole story about this guy. To my relief, he took it like a champ. 😉 He wasn’t bothered by it at all and didn’t bat an eye when I said I’d gone back and fucked him again or any of the other messed up stuff.

His reaction was “you are ‘well traveled’…I like that about you, you’re a good girl” (makeout session) Ha… He said the only person it made him think worse of is the guy, who he already didn’t like, lol. He said it helped him understand my leeriness towards the whole gangbang thing too, that none of the ones he has been involved with had ever been like that. The women always were fully on board.

It felt good to get all that off my chest, to someone who wasn’t judgmental about it. A lot of men would be. Apparently not him though. He reminds me a little bit of Mr. Firm. I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot between the two of them, for real. 🙂

I mentioned Mr. Firm to him, briefly, because there is a very slight possibility he could be at this lake party we are planning to go to soon. I wanted him to know if he is, that is someone I’d definitely want to have some time with. His reaction was “I can tell you like this guy by the tone of your voice” lol. I said well, yeah, he is a good guy and I don’t have a negative word to say about him. He just said he was glad that I was associating with good men now (yeah, he still doesn’t know about that other night, but whatever, I’m done with Cousin 3 and his crew for sure).

So, its all good. The party went pretty well. He played but I didn’t. It was with a woman I knew he would play with beforehand, a married woman he has known longer than me. For a minute it bothered me, even though I knew it shouldn’t, and he didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve met her before and she seems nice and not catty or competitive.

I know she likes him and also that she fucked like 5 other men earlier in the week. He said he wasn’t going to lie that kind of threw HIM off for a bit even though they aren’t like boyfriend/girlfriend but any time you are fucking someone it can mess with your emotions a bit. I get that, totally. I think probably everyone has feelings like that, even though hearing about him feeling jealous over someone else maybe gave me a little twinge too. Things can get kind of complicated in the Lifestyle, lol.

Afterwards, he made a point of paying attention to, and reconnecting with me, so that helped. He wanted to talk about how I felt about it and said he’d kind of rushed things with her and not even cum because he was worried about getting back to me. So we still have some things to iron out there, but its nice to have open communication about it.

I COULD have played but I chose not to. While he was gone I danced and talked with another guy but I just wasn’t feeling him. He didn’t appear to be trying to get me back to his room at first and was just talking about taking me to dinner (eyeroll) and I admit a part of me wanted to push for it, just to even the “score” and because the Cohort was fucking someone and it felt unfair. Despite those passing thoughts, when the dude jokingly slipped his hotel room key down the cleavage of my dress, I didn’t bite. I didn’t want to play with someone just for that reason.

Anyhow, I got lots of playtime in with the Cohort that night as well as talking about everything under the sun. There wasn’t a lot of sleeping going on, lol. We went out for breakfast in the morning and I’m feeling pretty good about it all.

Thoughts on submission

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Lately I’ve been pondering some things about dominance and submission.  Now, before you get too excited, realize I’ve never considered myself as a part of the BDSM community.  I really don’t know a whole lot about it, just read little bits here and there. 

I find it somewhat fascinating but at the same time scary sounding.  I’m not fond of being in pain or hurting anyone so that part doesn’t sound appealing to me.  I see things like floggers, electric shockers, and nipple clamps and I’m thinking OMG, no, not for me!

I had a chance to talk with a male friend once who had gone to his very first BDSM convention.  He talked about some of the workshops and about people who wore latex masks over their heads and all kinds of things I had never heard of (at the time) that were happening.  It was very interesting, but for me pretty much stopped there. 

That’s not to say I’m not curious.  I’m curious about things like what it would be like to be tied up or blindfolded.  I wonder just how much spanking I could handle (I do like that!).  All in all, my thoughts about it are pretty tame, compared to what I know is out there, and I’ve probably only scratched the surface as far as reading and learning about BDSM.

I find the idea of power play a little more intriguing than the pain aspect.  I’ve experienced some of that with my lovers and it has turned me on.  Some things that come more naturally, and don’t require props or safewords, have been part of my sex life on many of occasions. 

I’ve always been really turned on by men that are very dominant in bed.  Not mean though, it doesn’t excite me when someone calls me names or gets overly rough.  No, I like them passionate in an almost romantic way in the bedroom.  Passionate and in control, but still very affectionate and focusing on getting ME off, rather than their own selfish desires, that will get satisfied in the end anyhow.

I guess that’s a pretty tall order.  Maybe I am spoiled because I have found men who have been able to give me that very thing.  As few and far between as they may be, I’m becoming more adroit at identifying those that can satisfy the cravings of my mind and body. 

Recently, when I was having dinner with a man I have met at some swinger parties and a couple he was here visiting; the topic of choking came up.  None of them found it to be a sexual turn on.  I said that I had thought I never would either, but when it actually happened during sex, it turned me on much more than expected.  They looked at me like I’d grown another head!  LOL

Yet, it’s true.  I had always thought I would hate being choked during sex.  I was terrified of the idea.  Yet the first time a man did it to me in the bedroom, I came.  It was actually right before I met the married man who made me cum so many times in a row and it was mild in comparison, but it happened.  It was with my FWB who does have a tendency to like a little roughness between the sheets. When I told Mr. Firm of our dinner conversation he laughed and said a lot of women say one thing but in bed like another. He was like “I could tell you liked that”.

It calls to mind memories of the guy who was my very favorite sex partner as a teenager.  We hated each other’s guts!  Pretty much anyway, lol.  Yet, the sex was addicting.  We’d come back to fucking again and again, despite the way we treated one another outside the bedroom. 

I’ve mentioned him a few times on my blog.  The first time we had sex it was actually forced and as part of a bunch of guys pulling a train on me, one that I didn’t want to participate in.  I had willingly slept with the first guy but HE was the 2nd, the one who got on top of me and wouldn’t get off or allow me to get dressed.  He wouldn’t take no for an answer and slowly inched his way in, despite my protests, all while confusing me even more with the things he was whispering in my ear.

 Despite the fact that I was adamant about not wanting to have sex with him, he was deliberately turning me on.  He knew what he was doing and I can guarantee that wasn’t the only time he’s done it.  It happened again, a second time, where they pulled a train on me and he was again the person that pushed it.  The first time we were in a park and the police showed up before the guys scattered and the second we were in a house and I was alone in a room on the couch with the other guy before he came in. 

Those were actually fairly traumatic experiences for me emotionally but like I have said before I continued to have sex with him.  Outwardly, I couldn’t stand this guy.  I couldn’t stand his asshole attitude (I even call him The Asshole in one of my blog posts, My Deep, Dark Past).  He was a real jerk and we would be at each other’s THROATS in arguments. 

I can remember one time, being at a party in this guy’s backyard and we got into it.  We were yelling and cussing at one another over something and he suddenly picked me up off the ground and started walking.  I was actually a little scared of what he was about to do.  He picked me up and carried me down those basement steps, stopping to pretend he was going drop me every once in a while, causing me to scream and hang onto his neck. 

When we got to the bed, he threw me on it and started pulling off my clothes.  I didn’t say no that time but he took exactly what he wanted and it got a little rough.  He was shoving my face down on the pillow and at some point a couple guys came down and were watching.  It was hot!! 😉  LOL

There was another time we had been dropped off at this Mexican drug dealer’s house and were stuck there all night.  All the bedrooms were occupied and he and I were in the living room, fighting like cats and dogs.  One of the Mexican guys finally came out of his room and threw a pair of boxing gloves at us, telling us to shut up already and just duke it out.  Haha.

Later, some really creepy, crackhead looking motherfuckers with missing teeth came to the house and we were stuck with them too, in the living room.  They were adults and we were still really kids and these guys were leering and hitting on me.  I was scared, but The Asshole actually stood up for me, backed me up against the wall behind him and was cussing them out and threatening them. 

We ended up having sex after that, on the floor in another room and all the tension was relieved.  He let me sleep up next to him, with his arm out across me to ward off the bad guys, lol. 😉 He’s really not all that bad, though he did spend some years in prison after being tried as an adult for holding up someplace with a gun, soon after.

The day before that happened was the last time I ever touched him.  He came up behind me, while I was standing in a front yard at this guy’s house and put me in a choke hold with a loaded gun up against my head.  He said “don’t move or I’ll shoot”.  I said “you wouldn’t shoot me”.  He cocked the gun and pulled his arm tighter around my throat “say I won’t!!”  I said “you’d miss me too much” and he was like “say I won’t do it” and looked me in the eye. I said “do it then” and turned my cheek toward him. He stood there. “Come on then, do it! I dared him. He kind of smirked and put down the gun.  I could tell by the look in his eyes he could never go through with that ;). 

He’s on my Facebook now and he’s married and life has changed, but I told that story to illustrate how early on in life I was already getting off a little bit on a power exchange dynamic.  It was hot!!  He was great in bed for how young we were and despite being rather forceful would turn into an almost totally different person with the passion and affection and things he would say to me (he loved to talk during sex).

Nowadays I have come to realize just how much I ENJOY a man taking control in the bedroom and that feeling of helplessness.  All of my favorite men have at some point called me “really submissive”.  I hope, and think, that means they like it!  LOL  My ex- husband sure didn’t, because he was the same way. 

I’ve struggled a bit, with the whole being submissive thing, because I know I am and that naturally that is just me.  However, so many people seem to equate it with weakness.  If I’m honest I would say that actually in a way I do too.  My ex husband’s submissiveness was a total turn off to me.  I didn’t want a man to act weak in the bedroom. 

So I wonder, if men really even like that?  I sometimes feel like I am not DOING anything and wonder why men still say I am good in bed.  Do some people actually enjoy and LIKE it when someone is letting them call all the shots?  I know there are guys that do, it’s just so hard for me to picture being on the other end of that.

Mr. Firm always says I fuck him just the way he “needs”.  I love that he tells me that but am a little puzzled by what he actually means.  I find HIM very fulfilling because he is that perfect combination of dominant and sweet and he can make me cum again and again.  I’m quite happy to be on the receiving end of all that, lol. 😉

He said recently that I am so submissive he can’t picture me being dominant, even with another woman.  I had to think about that for a minute because I am pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be, but at the same time the idea of submitting to another female kind of gives me a pause.  I don’t think I would want to!  Not really.  I have an inkling that if a woman started trying to tell me what to do in bed it would piss me off!   I’m happier and more comfortable with something equal.

I think the reason it is different with men has something to do with just loving to see all that masculine POWER.  I don’t desire that from a woman.  I love when a guy can just take me and do whatever he wants, but where I trust him enough to know he also wouldn’t really hurt me.

From me, I guess I’d also say submission to someone is a gift.  I don’t act like that with just anyone.  I mean, I don’t boss any guy around in the bedroom, but for me to actively and willingly “submit” there has to be trust involved.  Still, that is where I am at my happiest.  If I can’t get to that point with a man then the sex doesn’t become truly spectacular.

I’m curious to hear from men or women who LOVE being dominant in bed.  What is it that turns you on about a person submitting to you?  When I try to dig up info from that side of the spectrum, there is very little, even on the world wide web!  Lots of people can describe what they love about someone dominating them but what about in reverse?  Why do you like it?  Is there anything a “submissive” person can do to make you like it even more?

It’s my Blogiversary!! :D

Ladies and Gentleman, I am proud to announce that it is the official one year anniversary of the day I opened a WordPress account and began this wonderful blog! Woohoo!  I am thrilled to see that in that amount of time I have acquired 226 followers and even more happy that so many of you have taken the time to interact and comment on my writing and experiences.  I’ve even received blog award nominations a total of 14 times!  Wow!! 

So glad I decided to come here and put my thoughts to good use.  It’s like therapy for me to write about what’s in my head and and others get a peek into my interesting life.  I’m having my cake, eating it and sharing it with all of you!! 😀

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It’s funny that right around this time weddings have really been on my mind.  Not just the little emotional fantasy voyage my mind has been on regarding the Producer, but other weird little happenings as well. 

The other day, Friday the 13th to be exact, my ex- husband’s girlfriend texted me again.  She wanted to know why our marriage ended and if he had ever cheated, so I gave her the short version. 

I said “Not that I know of.  He fell for another woman that he was working with but I am pretty sure they never had sex.  He told the marriage counselors that he would leave all of us for her if she wanted him though.  Really our marriage was over long before that.  We weren’t having sex hardly at all and he said he was never attracted to me.”

I mean, all that is the truth.  There is a lot more I could have said but I was kind of taken aback by the question in the first place and didn’t want to trash talk.  Yet, at the same time I felt like I should warn her.  Warn her about the lack of sex and let her know that if it is happening to her she’s not alone.  I mean, what do you say?  There’s no way I could fit 13 years of marriage into a text.

Anyway, she had a reason for asking because right afterwards she informed me that he had proposed to her and that’s why she wanted to know.  Holy cow!  She has claimed in the past that they were going to tie the knot, and even had a date set, but he told me that they weren’t at that time.  This, however, sounds more serious.

If any of you all remember the blog post I wrote about six weeks ago, where I got a text from his number asking if I still think about him, but he later said it was her drunk texting on his phone, well, that makes it extra weird.  One of my sisters, her child’s father did something similar right before he proposed to his current wife.  He just had to check and make sure she wasn’t still interested first, and I wonder if that was what it was all about, but I guess I’ll never know!

In any case, I would never want to get back with him but at the same time it brings up some feelings.  It’s again a reminder of the family I dreamed of having being shattered and totally lost as our marriage fell apart.  It’s a reminder of all the plans we had for our life together and how those came crashing down.  Another reminder of my own failure to provide the perfect home I thought I could have for my children, and that I’ll never have that chance again.  Ouch.

As another reminder, when I was getting my nails done later that day ,(finally using that gift certificate I won, lol) I picked a glittery neutral pinkish color, thinking it would go well with most of my clothing and toes.  The woman said “oh, that is ‘June Bride’, were you a June bride?” and mentioned that she had just gotten married this June.  Sigh… 

Yesterday I was at the park with my kids and took my 3 yr old in the restroom.  Inside was a woman dressed in a wedding gown attempting to use the restroom while three bridesmaids held her dress.  That was entertaining anyhow.  What’s the message in that?  Marriage is shitty?  Haha

For the most part I’m not too worried about my ex getting married.  I’m thinking it doesn’t really affect us that much since he is already fairly distant from the kids.  It might mean he won’t want to take part in our tax return deal, where I allow him to claim a couple of the kids in exchange for half his refund, so in that sense not good for me.  Other than that, I don’t know. 

Today when I dropped the kids off for their (day) visit, he didn’t come out to the vehicle to get them.  I called and he said he might be there in a minute.  We waited awhile and finally his girlfriend came out, which was awkward, since I normally avoid her.  She said he was just waking up.

So I text my son and ask if everything is okay and call the other one, and they say, it is now, our dad just got home.  What?  I don’t get that.  They were lying to me about him being there, which makes no sense, unless he just didn’t want to talk to me. When I called and texted was like 15 minutes after I left and he had known we were coming. He had even texted me like an hour before to make sure what time (and he was supposedly asleep?).

 His girlfriend is really jealous and seems to think I still want him, regardless of me telling her multiple times I don’t.  She has gotten upset if I talk to him about anything that isn’t related to the kids, even finances.  I don’t know if this marriage thing is going to her head to the point where she thinks she has to control his every move or what.  She is kind of like that and I wonder if that isn’t why they are together.  He did say, when we were divorcing that the reason he wasn’t as attracted to me was because I was “too nice” and not bossy enough.  (I know, wtf? Right?)

I wonder what this means for the future because if he is unwilling to talk to me even about things with the kids, it is going to make me feel uncomfortable leaving them there.  I have full, sole custody and he doesn’t show a whole lot of interest in them or with helping with our difficult teenage son anyhow.  I think it would make me feel a lot less guilty about packing up and moving far away if it comes to that.  I guess only time will tell.

Watching and remembering

So I got this message on POF the other day that kind of creeped me out.

I saw you in Wendys on xyz street. A couple of weeks ago. Your better looking in person and you have a nice ass.

While it’s lovely that he thinks I’m good looking and have a nice ass, I find it rather disturbing that he recognizes me THREE weeks later, on a dating site, after randomly seeing me at Wendy’s with my daughter. I know when it was because I took her there as a treat after being so good at the dentist when she got her cavity filled. THREE effing weeks before he emailed me! I can’t say I even recognize him after seeing his picture and profile. Of course I was probably preoccupied with talking to my daughter, but that almost makes it more creepy. I’m pretty sure we never made eye contact.

This isn’t the first time a guy has messaged me on there with something like that either. I can think of AT LEAST 5 or 6 other occasions where a man recognized me somewhere in public and sent an email to me on Plenty of Fish later. Once I even ran into a man at Walmart who said he recognized me from my pictures on that site, then proceeded to ask me out on a date. Thinking he was kind of cute and seemed nice and normal enough, I agreed.

So he took me out to this restaurant and we enjoyed some Mexican food while he told me all about how he had been in prison for 10 years for murder but that it really wasn’t him who committed the crime, but his brother, who was now dead. Um…sure, of course, no one who is in prison ever actually committed the crime, right? That’s what I’ve been told by a few inmates anyway (like back in the day when I was participating in prison ministries with the ex). They NEVER actually did it. It’s always someone else’s fault.

In an unusual display of trust for a first date (I guess since I had met him first) I had actually let him come to my house to pick me up. Since he had driven me I was kind of stuck when he decided to take us back to his house, which was actually an extended stay HOTEL. No fear, it gets worse. I sat on the bed while he removed my sandals and lotioned up my feet for a foot rub, wondering how the hell am I going to get out of this situation without having sex? No worries. He gave me the fastest foot rubdown in the history of man then took me back out to the car (I swear, I have decent, even “pretty”, clean feet, with even toes and nicely painted toenails so I can’t imagine there was anything wrong with them that scared him off). He drove me back to my house, slipped $40 into my hand and said it was “for gas” then took off. I felt like some kind of foot fetish whore. A week later he sent me a picture of his dick. When I didn’t respond he sent a video. WTF??

Anyway, Walmart seems to be the most frequent place men have these citings of me. Hey, I have kids and don’t get to go out much, what can I say? I try to avoid wearing my pajamas ;). One told me I “looked like an angel” whilst shopping with my children. Of course. I always look angelic whilst doing my shopping, ha! Actually, I’m about as serious, focused and on a mission as it gets when I go there with kids in tow. I barely even glance to the side, try to get in and out as fast as possible and my kids get the death stare if they dare to step out of line. Hawt!

Then there was the guy on the site called TAGGED. I was married at the time and not even trying to use it to hook up. I didn’t know what it was about but it seemed like Myspace or something so when someone invited me I joined. Three days later I got an email from a thug looking Mexican dude who said he’d seen me AT A STOPLIGHT the day before. He went on to name the exact make and model of my vehicle. Even crazier is that the only time I’d left the house the day before was to drive around the corner to the bank and the library. I hadn’t even gotten out of the van! YIKES! I freaked out and took down my profile.

I must live in a small town, right? Not really. There are at least 150,000 people in this city and a few hundred thousand more in its surrounding suburbs. Am I really that recognizable? Or is it that every male within miles is lurking on POF? It’s one of the reasons I am so leery about stating my interest in casual sex on a site that has pictures of my face. I don’t need piles of stalkers at my door and creepy old guys leering at me every time I’m in Walmart thinking “I know what you REALLY want”. Shudder….

I am honestly amazed at these guys ability to remember me, out of all the women in this area. How do they even do that? I admit I totally suck at remembering faces. Heck I’m bad at names too. I’ve even forgotten people I’ve had sex with! Ooops. :/

In fact, I used to keep a written record of the guys I slept with and there is one guy on there that it just drives me CRAZY because I can’t figure out, for the life of me, who it could be! His name is Jeff (yes that’s his real name. Hell if I can’t figure out who he is I doubt you all can either, lol). I keep wondering if it’s the blonde Jeff that I had a crush on and remember kissing, or the black Jeff that used to hang out with us and was hot and dated one of my friends, or was it the long haired loser Jeff that was practically stalking me? Please don’t let it be long hair Jeff. I really hope I didn’t fuck him in a drunken stupor or anything dumb like that. ARGH. Then there was that older guy that I remember driving home from out of town with once. Were we at a hotel together before that? I liked his taste in music, but I can’t remember his freaking name! Did I fuck him? Help! If you think you might be Jeff you should shoot me a line and tell me the story…or something, because I am so lost. Maybe I need to write into Delilah and have her play a song for the long lost guy I fucked. Or maybe not. It WAS a one night stand after all, and if he were good in bed I’d probably remember, right?

Gosh, sometimes I flat out suck at remembering guys. When I first met my ex- husband I kept confusing him with two other guys who had a similar haircut and build (and one of them had been calling me). Then there was that poor guy who asked me to eat lunch with him in the college cafeteria and I said yes (over the phone) because I had confused him with a guy I’d just been out on a date with. When I realized I got it wrong I didn’t know what to do and ended up ditching him. I’ve always felt bad about that because I’m pretty sure he had a huge crush on me and he was obviously super shy and nerdy and whenever I saw him after that he would look away. 😦

Oh and we can’t forget the time I kissed the wrong person. I had been meeting this guy at the beach every day that was half Japanese and half Hawaiian. We would make out pretty heavily at the canoe club and once even had sex. So one day, around the time he would usually show up, I see this guy standing at a slightly closer entrance to the beach and the sun is shining in my eyes so I assume it’s him. I was laying out in my little yellow polka dot bikini and got up to go say hi. I walked right up to him and started kissing him on the lips. He got super excited and it was then that I realized he was slightly shorter than the other dude. Plus he could barely speak English. SO he had his finger in my panties and we were making out HARD and he was trying to pull me into the bushes before I managed to extract myself. He couldn’t understand then why I didn’t want to fuck him (can you blame him? LOL) so I had to practically RUN away and hide with my sister to escape. Scary. Ha.

Yeah, I really need to pay more attention. I don’t suppose guys like it when I forget their names or faces or like, almost fuck someone else thinking its them, though I guess that could make a good cover up story if I was gonna cheat. LMAO. Still, remembering me THREE weeks later from a seeing me at a fast food place eating with my child, isn’t that a bit much? Am I being paranoid? Should I start covering my face in online photos? Hmmmmm…..