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My fantasies come true!

arrival

So remember last time, how positively SURE I was that I had found evidence that the CEO is married? I’m struggling now, with doubts. What if I was wrong?

Yes, I found a picture of him, posted shortly before we met, with his wedding ring on, the mother of his child and her family. That should be proof enough, shouldn’t it? You would think.

Only, he’s just so CONVINCING when he talks to me. Can a man really be THAT good of a liar?! This most recent rendezvous, he mentioned his “ex” (and he calls her that) several times. He even made a comment, saying “that’s why I left her”.

He also told me he’d been in China. I’d assumed he was lying because Tinder showed him as being 10 miles away during that time. Yet, when we got together again, he was COMPLAINING about having to haggle for prices when he was in China. If he’s a liar, he’s a damn good one!

What if….what if I’m completely wrong about him? What if that picture was taken previously and someone just re-posted it? Could I be convincing myself he’s a cheater because of my general mistrust of men? Maybe its easier for me to believe he is untrustworthy, than to open myself up to the possibility of getting hurt.

Perception is such a big thing. I could be making up an elaborate story in my head, because it fulfills some sort of fantasy for ME. Maybe the idea of a torrid, illicit, affair just turns me on! 😉 Or maybe, I’m totally on the mark and just trying to make excuses for him because I like him so much. :p He DOES behave like a married man and I haven’t ever been to his place!

There is just something deliciously sexy about the idea of sleeping with a taken man. So sue me, I get wet over the naughtiness of it all! Playing the mistress role for a little bit can feel kind of… intoxicating.

Sigh…in any case our last rendezvous was absolutely DREAMY! 🙂 He was doing work in a southern state and he decided to fly me to him for a hot overnight! Unfortunately, I couldn’t make arrangements to stay longer, since he notified me at the last minute, but he had said I could stay for up to a week.

I hadn’t heard from him in like 3 weeks and he just popped up out of the blue and suggested this trip. He didn’t really even ASK if I wanted to come, just stated that he was planning on flying me out on Saturday to be with him. Fortunately, I happened to have the weekend free!

He did mention that he’d been in China, and he said he’d missed me. I never know though, with him, whether I will hear from him or not. I don’t go out of my way to contact him, just wait and see what happens. Telling myself he is married at least gives me a way to make sense out of it all.  Meanwhile, he’s the fantasy mystery guy.

It was so exciting and I felt like a princess!! He flew me business select and I got to be practically the first person on the plane each time. I don’t know if he paid or used his companion miles but I saw what the tickets cost when he sent me the choices for when I could come and return. Two one way tickets, would have been about $700. Not that that’s probably not pocket change to HIM, lol, but it would be a big deal to me!

I love, love, love traveling, even when its just a short little jaunt to someplace new! It’s so fun for me and I don’t get to do it often. When I arrived, he took me out to a really nice seafood restaurant for dinner too! Yum!!

The discussion was interesting and he really is a fascinating man. He’s like an extreme caricature of what I would consider “masculine”. Sometimes I find his thinking to be very overly logical and black and white, but he is incredibly intelligent and it shows.

He’s also so, so, soooo incredibly masculine and dominant in the bedroom!! He’s absolutely PERFECT in the sack. WOW! I can’t get over how much he turns me on!! He’s like the perfect combination of super dominant and super giving, that I absolutely LOVE!

He’s so good that I still let him go for anal, even though it hurts like hell and we haven’t been able to do it for very long, lol. 😉 It’s still not my favorite activity but by the time he tries it I’m usually drowning in oxytocin and wanting to give him anything and everything.

The last time (not this one) he even brought lube, and a toy! He said Trojan had been at some convention he was at and he bought this little vibrator. It was awesome!! He pulled it out and surprised me during sex, whispering in my ear that he had gotten me a little surprise. Just the tone of his voice when he said that to me STILL gives me tingles all through my pussy.

It was brand new, in the box. He ended up having to go and get a knife to open it, lol. Yet, he didn’t give it to me afterwards. I wonder what he did with it? Did he give it to his wife? Another woman? Throw it away? Hmmmm….haha

Anyway, he used it on me in multiple ways during sex and it felt sooo good. Then he lubed up my ass and used it on my clit during anal. It probably made it a little easier but it still hurt and I still bled after. We didn’t do it for very long.

This time, on our trip, we didn’t do all that, but I FINALLY got to experience HIM having an orgasm. He didn’t even cum with me the first 4 times we had sex, even after HOURS of fucking and blow jobs. I was trying to play it cool but it had me a little worried!

This time he came, after a nice long blow job and then thrusting really hard and fast while I was on my stomach. I figure maybe he was afraid to be that rough with me in the beginning. He’s super focused on getting ME off most of the time and probably needed to relax enough to be a bit selfish for a change, and get HIS.

Lest you think the sex was short this time, it wasn’t.  It was down to about 3 1/2 hours though, versus the 5 or 8 the last few times.  It was still amazing and we did have a little anal, though not for too long.  Did I mention how incredibly fantastic he is at going down on me?? Oh MY GOD!  Lol  So many men let that slack after a while.  He even licked my asshole. 😉  No qualms… I love guys like that!

In any case, I was relieved! He came all over my back and down the crack of my ass. Ahhhh… sweet satisfaction! 😉 He cuddled afterwards and was a gentleman all the way till the time he dropped me back off to go home, always opening my car door and all the little things we women love. 🙂 I’m still walking on air…

On another note, I heard again from the Cohort. He texted me at the beginning of the year and said he was thinking of me. He was halfway across the country for a relative’s wedding and it said it made him appreciate me and the time he had with me.

It felt good to hear that, but like every other time he has contacted me, it ended in reliving a lot of grief and pain. It just hurts so much to know he still thinks of me and cares, but not ENOUGH.

I’m still spending a fair amount of time with Radioman. I saw him the day before I left on the plane but I never told him I went anywhere. We see each other at least once a week and often more.

Its funny, sometimes he says things like how he misses having a woman at home, someone to cook for him, to be there to share his day with, to be part of his everyday life. I’m not sure if he’s hinting about that with ME, or not? I like him a lot but I just don’t know if I could go there. There are so many things, like his love of gambling and the way he’s like most men and would not want ME with anyone else, but might end up there himself!

Still, I really do enjoy him and the sex is good. We’ve seen a little more of each other lately because he got my employer to agree to a collaboration with the radio station for the next couple of months. It’s been fun seeing him in a professional setting, as well as in his bed. 😉

Most of the others have fallen by the wayside, at least for the time being. I’m okay with that, especially since its been cold and wintery and I feel more like cuddling in than going out on new dates or with new men. Hope 2016 is going well for all of you!!

Am I dreaming??

Pinch-Me

Somebody pinch me, this man is just unreal!! I’m completely bowled over by the CEO. Maybe I should have called him “Mr. Incredible”, lol. Seriously….Cohort who? Haha Okay, so there are still some residual feelings there, but it is definitely helping me to get past it.

I’m kind of afraid of how hard I’m starting to fall. I really don’t even know what he wants with me. Is he looking for a relationship? Just sex? It’s hard to tell. On one hand maybe its best to assume he just wants sex, so as not to get my hopes up for anything else, but then I don’t want to act like that’s all I want if he wants more. He did wait 4 dates to try anything on me! Not sure what’s up with that!!

In any case, he’s been like, PERFECT so far!! Our last get together was very recent, when he swung back into town for a couple of days. He acted super excited to see me and we had marathon level, EIGHT HOURS LONG sex! Lol

It was through the roof, off the chain, eight hours of complete BLISS!! Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to think straight! 😉 Then when I told him I’d never had sex for THAT long straight, he said “that’s nothing, we could have kept going!!” Wow….

I’m honestly not sure if I could have kept going! Near the end I gave him an HOUR long blow job and my jaw was pretty sore. He never came though and I finally just gave up! I think he would have liked for me to keep going but I was starting to feel frustrated. He did make a comment afterwards that no other woman has ever even gotten him close to cumming with a bj and that I got him to the brink several times. I guess that’s a positive.

He actually never came at all, though he was hard for pretty much the entire time. It’s hard not to feel like a bit of a failure if a guy doesn’t cum but he made me feel so good otherwise that I’m not too bothered by it. I suspect he’s one of those men that focuses so much on his performance and making ME feel good that he doesn’t really relax enough to get there. Or maybe it’s a control thing- his personality overall is very much “in control” and he is the same way in bed. Anyway, hopefully he will eventually.

He definitely made ME cum a bazillion times! He gives incredible oral and is amazing with his dick. And yes….we had anal again. This time it was a little more painful. Still no lube and it was hard for me to take for very long. I tried though and he called me a “trooper” for it. :p

He’s gone again, out of town, but is keeping in touch. Its funny, a couple days after our encounter I happened to check OKCupid and saw that he had emailed me, over a month ago (that’s how often I read my emails on there, lol- and my mailbox is eternally full). It was during the time when we had lost touch because of Tinder failing to work and he had hit me up on OKCupid, saying “hey stranger!! I’ve been looking for you!!”

It’s kind of amusing to me that I was inadvertently playing hard to get with him. Maybe that played a part in his surprising amount of interest in me! I say surprising, because if I’ve ever felt a man was out of my league, it’s this one! Yet he acts like he really likes me and I’m kind of taken aback.

It’s like what would this guy that’s a super successful millionaire want with a poor single mom like me? Not that he knows all my financial woes, but he saw my old minivan, lol. I wanted to crawl through the floor!

He never acts like he thinks he is better than me and he’s actually been very nice. He’s been super patient when I’ve had to show up hours later than expected, saying its no big deal. Yet I can tell that in his work he is brutal. He has no problem putting people out of their jobs if they don’t do things exactly the way he wants. I made a comment about that and he just laughed and said “honey you have no idea”.

I’m not sure what he is like underneath it all and I’m still trying to figure it out. I love that he emailed me on OKCupid because I had a chance to go over and see his answers to some of the questions on there. We were an 85% match. I saw that he is okay with open relationships and that he doesn’t seem bothered by women who have had a lot of sex. That’s a good start anyway!

We were polar opposite on some things, but most of them dealt more with male/female differences. Like he is your extremely masculine, logical type thinker and I’m the super emotional feminine opposite of him. He also took a test that put him as an ESTJ on the Meyers Briggs Scale and I am an ENFP.

Oh, and he is a Capricorn- first time I’ve ever knowingly slept with one of those, lol. I think I just completed fucking someone from every sign of the zodiac, haha. I am a Virgo and we are supposed to be a good match, though I’m not sure how much I’d actually read into that. 😉

I’m just waiting to find out his flaws. So far they seem few and far between. Maybe he’s a bit coldhearted on the job and kind of controlling but that hasn’t seemed to carry over to me, at least not yet. I’m having a hard time with the idea that he could be living a double life or married and lying about it because he just seems so blunt and honest that its hard to picture. I guess time will tell.

Enough about him though, I have to tell you a funny story about Radioman. The other day I went over to his place, kind of late at night. He had left the door unlocked for me and I walked upstairs to his bedroom, where he was sitting in the dark.

He grabbed me by the arm and hissed, “Come here! You have to see this!!” He handed me a a pair of binoculars and pointed across the street at his neighbors window. The light was on, the curtains were open and two people were clearly fucking. Radioman said “he’s been jackhammering her for a good 15 minutes!” He was all excited about it and like “I KNEW my neighbor was a freak!” He even pulled out a SCOPE so the both of us could see at the same time.

It was like something out of the movies, haha. Men really do this?! The woman was white and the man looked to maybe be hispanic. Radioman said he’d suspected she liked men of color. He’s clearly obsessed, lol.

He also commented about what a nosy neighbor she is. He’s clearly oblivious to the irony of that statement! Haha It cracked me up though!

He told me that later on he talked with her and she mentioned being drunk that night. She didn’t seem to suspect that he’d seen anything. Maybe that’s why the curtains were open but sheesh… that’s almost inviting people to look! The bar she had been at is also popular with some of the swingers in this area, or so I’ve heard (its right down the road from where Radioman lives). I didn’t say anything about that though.

They eventually turned off the light and we got to our own activities. 😉 Radioman is still pretty fun but he’s starting to get possessive. He told me he doesn’t want me having sex with anyone else. Only, he said “we don’t have to be boyfriend or girlfriend or anything and if you want to bring other women over that is fine”. I’m so not agreeing to that. Typical.

Oh, and another update- remember the man I fucked after the funeral? A couple times we halfheartedly texted each other and talked of maybe meeting, but it never went anywhere. Then, all of a sudden I see that he is “in a relationship” with a girl I also reconnected with at that funeral! Lol They are like constantly posting pictures together on Facebook and saying how in love and happy they are! That was fast, but I’m not mad. 😉

I also got hit up by the Producer, a few days before his wedding, on the swinger site. I couldn’t respond, but I have no doubt that he plans on cheating. He told me before that the new woman is not open to swinging. Why am I not surprised?

An anal adventure…..

borisk

So many interesting stories to tell, but time to write in my blog has been eluding me. Life has kept me extremely busy lately. Some of it has been working my new job, which I really am enjoying, but I have also been having some play time! Just wait till you hear about my most recent sexscapade!! 🙂

FINALLY, after months of failure to sign in, Tinder started working again on my phone! Yay!! Of course, one of the first people to pop up on my screen was the Cohort. 😦 Reading his profile was excruciatingly painful but I managed to make myself swipe no and move on. We haven’t spoken in over six weeks or seen each other in months and I’m still struggling to get past it and him. Not that its kept me from dating or having sex, but my heart hasn’t been in it.

So of course, right away I went and responded to the poor guy that I left hanging after a wonderful date because the app stopped working! He was happy to hear I hadn’t gotten married and disappeared while he was off on business trips and quickly invited me out again. I still liked him, even though he talked A LOT and only hugged me at the end of the first three dates.

I actually complained to Mr. Firm that I was getting impatient, like, why isn’t this guy trying to fuck me yet?? Lol I was like he’s hot, he’s wealthy, he’s a former college football player, I know he can’t be that shy about making a move! He even made comments about how Tinder was a hook up site, yet, he didn’t seem to be trying to hook up!

I was getting a little frustrated, though it wasn’t like I wasn’t having sex. I’ve been with the Boring guy and Radioman a fair amount of times lately. Radioman has been pretty good in bed too… Sometimes he surprises me with a little kinkiness and he’s done stuff like spank me over his knee (blushing). I saw Chicago once more, and it still just didn’t do it for me. More recently, I got to see Mr. Firm, which was super hot as usual!! I hadn’t seen him in ages and he definitely still wows me in the bedroom! Then there was this new guy that is barely worth a mention, except for he took me to some really expensive restaurants. We did finally have sex but it kind of sucked and I hated the way he kissed. Oh, and the Pilot, he met me one day at work and we snuck away for a quickie (terrible I know) in an empty parking lot. It was fun but that was after I finally slept with this new guy.

I will call him The CEO. He is a big deal boss at his job and flies all over the place. A comment he made after we had sex, makes me pretty sure he is a millionaire. Not really surprising given where he lives and the company that he works for. I did a quick bit of research after that and some of his co-workers are making 7-8 million a year. He’s actually pretty down to earth though and not really flashy about it.

He’s almost too good to be true, good looking with pretty hazel eyes, built like a brick house, quite the gentleman, remembers to text, plans ahead and calls me beautiful…which makes me wonder if he’s hiding a wife somewhere. I guess you can never be sure, but he claims he’s not. We did have our first encounter at a hotel because he said his sister was babysitting his child at his place.

Suspect? Lol Maybe, though who knows, he could be for real. He says women always think that he is married or sleeping around because he travels a lot, but that he is not and doesn’t have all the time to be sleeping around that they think because he is working so much.

That is what he says, though after sex with him, I’m going to say I understand why they think that!! That, and who are all these women that are saying this stuff if he’s not getting around?? LMAO Not that I really care… 😉 He’s away on business trips all the time, out of sight, out of mind. 🙂

So, our first night together, he invited me back to a hotel room he had rented for the sole purpose of our “date”. It was a very nice hotel, almost more like a condo. It had a living room with couches and a fireplace, a full kitchen, plus a separate bedroom. He poured us glasses of a delicious wine and we talked and hung out for a good long time before he made any moves whatsoever. I was still wondering if it might not happen.

Finally, he asked if I wanted a massage. Wow, a man who actually gives massages! So many promise or allude to it and never do! He was very good with his hands too, massaging my shoulders and back. Then he wanted me to straddle his lap for a kiss. I was starting to worry that he was going to want to be dominated, lol. He had made this comment on a previous date, asking about when I was going to make a move on him and that had kind of put me off. Like ugh, ME make a move on HIM? No thanks…

Anyhow, I obliged and did as he asked. His kisses were nice and he soon suggested a move to the bedroom.

In there, he turned into a BEAST. I kid you not, I was completely floored by the change in demeanor once the clothes came off! They came off quickly too, lol. He was complaining that I had too many on at first (it was a little chilly and I was wearing leggings under a skirt). He practically ripped my leggings and panties off before grabbing my legs and yanking me across the bed so he could attack my pussy with his tongue. He was gooood at that too!!

He licked and fingered me into ecstasy before telling me to take off the rest of my clothes and stripping off his own. I was all to happy to do as he asked and the minute he got on top of me the worries of him wanting a dominatrix were gone, lol. He was definitely the one in control and he was very good at what he was doing too!!

He had me in all kinds of positions and every one of them felt amazing! He was very dominant but very sweet and affectionate too, jusssst the way I like it! I couldn’t get enough of him! We kept going for hours and I gave him some really long blowjobs in there too, but he never did cum. Ah well, maybe next time… I could tell he was really enjoying himself and he was rock hard, but it didn’t happen.

The most surprising part though, was when he had me lying on my stomach on the bed, near the end. He had gone close to my asshole a few times, like he was thinking about anal and I’d kind of tensed up and let him know nonverbally that I didn’t really want to. He laughed it off and just went back to regular fucking.

This time though, after hours of great sex, I guess my reserve was worn down a little bit. It was so good I probably would have done anything he wanted at that point anyway. He got near there and I again flinched. He was holding my wrists and had me pinned on my stomach on the edge of the bed. This time he didn’t move away but started putting a lot of pressure on my ass with his dick, not actually going in. I tensed up, but didn’t say anything and he started kissing my neck and whispering in my ear until I relaxed. The very moment my body let go of control, he pushed his dick up my ass. I let out a gasp but I didn’t try to stop him.

There was no lube used or anything like that, but surprisingly it didn’t hurt. Granted everything was super wet down there already. He kept still like that for awhile and me pinned under him where I couldn’t wriggle away, letting me get used to the feel before he started to move. He was gentle at first, kissing my neck and he asked if I was okay a couple of times due to the whimpering but he didn’t stop and was fucking me progressively harder as time went on.

Like I said, he never came but he eventually let me up and was very affectionate afterwards. It was like 5 o’clock in the morning before I finally got up to go home and we never slept.

Its hard to describe how it made me feel. In a way it almost felt like he took my virginity. Only, I’ve had some anal experiences before but they didn’t last more than a few seconds and each of those was painful. This was different. I wouldn’t say I’d go out of my way to do it again, but I’m not entirely opposed to it either. I was a little sore the next day. My arms had bruises on them from where he was gripping me too.

The sex, and I’m not sure how much the anal affected it, overall, made me feel completely different about him than I did prior to sleeping together. During, and right after, I felt super submissive towards him. I was flooded with all those “in love” type chemicals and it even made me feel for awhile like I was over the Cohort. For days afterwards I was in a bit of a haze. I think I am finally past that part, but he is on a business trip and we have plans to meet up again soon. I’m going to have to be careful with this one!

Can you all keep a secret?

secrets1

I have a confession to make. This actually seems like an exceptionally weird time to make it, what with the Cohort seeming to have vanished, but it has been tumbling around in my head for quite some time. I’ve wanted to write something about it, but just haven’t been able to bring myself to admit this publicly.

You know how, on this blog, I’m always ranting and railing against Madonna/Whore and the unfair way men seem to act, wanting to fuck everything in sight, yet getting jealous when a woman shows ANY interest in another man? It always bothered me sooo much, until I fell for the Cohort. Somewhere in there, I had a moment of self discovery that was sort of disturbing.

I found out that, at least with him, in a way I never expected, it TURNED ME ON.

Now, the Cohort has always been fair, and kept his jealousies in check, realizing that a double standard in our situation would not be okay. He’s gotten a little jealous a couple of times, and he was real about it, but he also got himself under control without losing it. I respect that and I feel he is better than most in that area, actually.

I’m not even talking about jealousy from a man here, really, as its not hard for me to admit that it sometimes feels good to have a man get riled up enough to show he cares. No, I’m talking about me. I’m talking about ME getting turned on by what is maybe a combination of my own jealousy mixed with a little bit of playing on a man’s Madonna/whore.

I wrote a little bit in this blog, but not much, about how I went several months without sleeping with anyone but the Cohort. What I left out, is that, not only did I have almost no desire for other men (because I was so smitten with him), but that it was also, kind of…. turning me on? Something about the fact, that he was still sleeping with people, but I was not, was making me HOT.

What the fuck Lovergirl? Where is your head? Do you need me to smack you upside of it so you can think straight again? How could you get turned on by that? Didn’t it bother you??

All good questions, and I just… don’t know. Maybe I did completely lose my head. I was so wound up in my emotions that somehow it felt…GOOD.

Like one time, when he had gone off for a weekend of gangbanging, I remember feeling mildly threatened and jealous. Only it wasn’t too bad, because I knew it was not an emotional thing for him, just sexual. When he came back, he told me all about it.

I listened to his stories for a bit before he started kissing me and taking off my clothes. He whispered in my ear “but you, you haven’t had sex for awhile, have you?” I couldn’t even speak, I just shook my head no. I could tell it turned him on just as much as it did me, and the lovemaking that followed was incredibly intense. He was flooding me with affection that it felt like he’d been holding back for a long time, saving it all for me.

Not just then, but other times too. It just felt so good to feel like I was the only one on the recieving end of all that EMOTION, like he was reserving it for me, while I was reserving my body for him. Even at a party we went to, where he slept with three other women (and me with no one else, I wrote a bit about that one before), each time he would come to me afterwards for what felt like especially mind blowing sex. I loved feeling like I belonged to HIM, and him alone.

I guess that mostly ended after the first time I got pregnant. Maybe that was a big part of what lead up to that for us, subconsciously. Like he once commented, (referring to someone else) pregnancy is like the ultimate “handcuff”. After losing the baby(ies) I felt the need to use logic again and also be sleeping with other men, since we aren’t committed. I wanted to protect my heart, which was getting too involved.

Even now, I have been having a very hard time getting over the emotional hurdle of having sex with other men. I’ve slept with some, but I just can’t seem to open myself up. I’m holding back much more than usual.

All this has helped me understand, at least maybe a little more, the whole cuckhold phenomenon. I’ve always found it kind of baffling, but maybe I get it more than I want to admit, from my own angle. Did you know that there are females that are into that and they are called cuckqueens? You don’t hear a whole lot about that, but I wonder if it is more common than we realize.

It seems like, the little bit you can find online about that sort of thing though, is filled with levels of degradation and humiliation that make me feel uncomfortable. I’m not all about that. For me I guess, it’s something different.

Like at the parties before, he has done things like had me suck his dick before he went off and fucked someone else, but nothing about it felt bad. I knew he was coming back to me, tenfold, afterwards.

I once sort of shared my feelings about all this with the Cohort, over a short text. We didn’t talk about it in depth but he brought it up on Valentine’s Day, during my miscarriage and while we were eating at a pizzeria. It wasn’t a good time and I kind of just denied it all and looked away. He tends to probe my feelings and reactions more deeply, but this time he just looked at me quizically and didn’t comment. I think he knows.

It’s just one of those things that is very hard to talk about. It’s like admitting you feel okay with that can be very shameful and embarrassing. I think, with the Cohort, my level of emotional safety was so much higher that I felt I could drop my guard and just be who I am. He would lightly tease me about things of that nature or jokingly call me his “slut slave” but he never took it too far.

There is something super intimate though, about taking it to a deeper level that way. I miss him so much. 😦 At least you all are getting some good writing out of this! 😉

It’s raining men! :D

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Wow, so much going on lately it is getting hard to keep up with my blog! Nevertheless, I am determined to keep you all up to date. Life in Lovergirl Land has been pretty interesting.

I’ll start with my latest adventures with the Cohort. He has been a lot of fun to hang out with. This guy keeps me laughing and laughing when I am with him. Last night we went out to a couple of vanilla bars together with some of his non-lifestyle friends and had a great time, as well as a night full of good sex and conversation.

He’s very emotionally honest and tells me what he is thinking and feeling. I’m really liking that a lot. It was especially helpful when we went to our first swinger party together.

I was on my period and we decided beforehand that the most I would do, would be give blowjobs, to him or anyone else. The party was small, only about 30 people, and I didn’t end up playing with anyone other than him, but it wasn’t because of him trying to hold me back. He says he is going to try to make a point not to do that, even though sometimes he wonders how it would make him feel to watch me have sex with someone else.

At the party, there was a woman that he sometimes plays with, who is married. They started out playing with her husband around, but she has snuck over to his place to play over her lunch break and that makes him feel a little guilty. She sucked his dick at the party, as did I, but it wasn’t to completion. No one has ever made him cum with a blow job anyhow, but he says that knowing I was there and unable to play, made him feel a little awkward too.

It honestly didn’t bother ME at all and I don’t think would have if he fucked her there. Of course he had no way of knowing that for sure, but I was okay. I felt bad that I was on my period and unable to fuck him there that night, so may have even liked to see him be able to get off.

The only thing that irked me that night, was the Host. He was at the party, with another woman, and never even bothered to say hi. I only saw her from across the room, but she didn’t look all that cute or anything. He later claimed I had my back turned and he thought I was ignoring HIM. I’m not really buying that, but whatever.

Its hard to say what his actual reasons were. I guess it could have been anything, from jealousy over the Cohort, to just being an asshole. He has since texted me, and I didn’t even respond. I don’t hate him or anything but wonder if I should drop him off my list of current men.

It’s just offensive that he didn’t say hi. It’s not like the two of us don’t know each other, and I don’t think he’s embarrassed of me. I mean he had me helping him host his parties! Now I hear the Redhead is doing that instead. She’s also been super buddy-buddy with the old guy and his wife that I wasn’t wanting to fuck. Good for her, I’m just not attracted.

He still wants to fuck me, and hits me up over text, but I’m not trying to be fuck buddies with someone who doesn’t give me basic acknowledgement in public. It would be different if he were married or something, but he’s not. I don’t know. It’s still up in the air because I do like the sex and he is conveniently close, but I don’t want to have to stoop down low to do it.

Speaking of the Redhead, she told me a crazy story. This guy, who had been texting me for a little bit, and with whom she used to have a couples profile with, made threats to her, and she had to get a restraining order against him and have him thrown in jail for a short time. He’s the one that was sending me countless needy texts, that I had to ask to quit bothering me. Yay, for my stalker sense going into high gear, and Mr. Firm advising me to drop him like a hot potato! 😉

Okay, now speaking of THIS guy (the Psycho Stalker), the Pilot and I met with HIS brother, and his brother’s wife the other day. We were thinking couple swap, but the Pilot said he didn’t want to have any expectations.

They are a cute couple, in their mid twenties, good looking and we had a good time, but nobody got naked. Well, that’s not entirely true. The Pilot and I fucked in the bathroom of their apartment and then again in the parking lot, but they didn’t join in the fun.

We spent our time playing parlour games, drinking and chatting, and once the guy offered me a molly. I declined…I’ve never done those and don’t want to. Now that I’m a mom I pretty much avoid doing any drugs and stick to a few glasses of alcohol. I’m not judging those that do and back in the day I smoked my share of pot, plus tried a few other things, just now I don’t mess with it.

After we left the guy was texting “why did you two leave, my wife and I wanted to play with you guys”. :p I wasn’t really that surprised, but it was annoying that no one made the first move. It IS kind of awkward when there are two couples, because then who is supposed to do it? If one of the men starts going after the female half of the other couple, it runs a risk of someone getting upset. So I do kind of understand. Yet, neither she nor I, is the type to get aggressive with a guy and start things off.

The Pilot was kissing on ME, pulling me onto his lap and obviously showing interest in SOMETHING going on (plus they had to know we were fucking in the bathroom) but the other guy and his wife weren’t touching each other. So that made it less likely too. Like if they had been making out as well, maybe somehow we could have gotten things going.

Mr. Firm says in those types of scenarios, he just starts getting naked, lol. He’s so awesome. 🙂 I saw him the other day too and WOW!!!! THE SEX, OMFG, it is BEYOND amazing!! I don’t even know how it’s possible, but it seemed even better than before!!

He’s at that scary level, like the kind that Alexyss Tylor warns about in her Penis Power videos, that I talked about before. I’d better watch out! LOL 😉 That man could have me acting all kinds of a fool, if he wanted to.

Even one time, during the sex, he had me bent over on my hands and knees, and was making me cum from fucking me doggystyle, as well as with his hand rubbing on my clit. I was so overloaded with pleasure, I was about to tap out, and he kinda laughed and said “you don’t even know what to do, do you?” Yeeahhh…. He knows!! 😉

Thankfully, he seems to be a man that can be trusted with all that power. I’m so impressed with him as a person and with how he treats me, and responds to me. I haven’t got a single negative thing to say. If I’m going to lose control with anyone, I want it to be him. 😉

Now for the Poly guy. The plot thickens. I swear he has got to be married!

He had me meet him the other day, at lunch time, so he could give me one of his employee gas cards to drive my kids to their dads house. Guess where we met? At the girlfriends place again. Only this time she wasn’t there.

I asked him about it and he said he owns 5 rental houses. She lives in one of them and he stays there “some of the time”. He said he likes his privacy so he doesn’t always.

One seemingly random thing that stands out to me about some of these men is that they all seem to have rental houses! Mr. Firm, the Pilot, the Married Man and Mr. Poly, all have rental properties. Guys that have rental properties are probably fucking like crazy. Now I have to wonder if they are all fucking IN the rental homes…. 😉

In her house he has a playroom. Its an extra bedroom with its own lock and key (the house has 5 bedrooms). According to him they are planning on putting in cameras, so she can watch him fuck women from the other room, if she wants to, and also record if the people agree to it. They have toys and restraints and stuff in there too, he said, though I didn’t see any of it.

He said that other women have to “earn” the right to be in her bedroom with them, like I was the other night, but that he knew she liked me, so he brought me in. Uhhh..if you say so, but seriously, don’t I just feel soooo special “earning” the special right to play in their bedroom? Pssshhh…

While she is gone he has agreed only to fuck women in the playroom. They have all these “rules” and honestly to me, it is an annoyance. Maybe if he wasn’t flat out telling me, but it doesn’t make me feel all that great. Its almost like “know your place, you are just a secondary” and that is kind of offensive.

Oh, and he keeps planning these big nights out over the weekend, then cancels. Married man kind of flakiness, I’m telling you. That and he often doesn’t answer a text in the evenings but he’s hounding me during the day and spending money on me. Hmmmmm….

In any case, it left me free to have a fun night with the Cohort, followed by breakfast at the IHOP in the morning. We stayed up all night long and barely got any sleep. Good times, and he was killing me pointing out the folks who looked like they were doing the walk of shame there, haha.

Thank God I was able to get a shower in the morning. I’m exhausted though and supposed to meet with the guy who took me out to the art walk a few weeks ago. He is grilling steaks for us this afternoon. Ta- ta for now!

Getting a little risque ;)

Image

This has been quite a week for me, sexually. I usually don’t have the time to have sex as often as I would like, but I got kinda lucky with free babysitting (yay for family!) and I kind of went to town.

I’ve also agreed to do some telephone work for the Married Man’s business, from home, so of course I needed to meet with him first. You know, to do “business”. 😉

I started off Sunday with a date and sex with a new guy that I have told you all about already. He’s the one who knows my friend. Since we are both being sneaky with our down low behaviors, I’ll refer to him as “The Cohort”.

Tuesday was my first trip to a casino. The casino itself, well, let’s be real, I thought it was pretty boring. How on earth do people get addicted to this? Granted, we only played the slot machines, but sheesh. All you do is sit there and push a button or pull a lever and the cash you are using just disappears, or you get a slip of paper with an amount on it. I won some, but lost more, and eventually stopped, after blowing about $100 of this guy’s money. He was cool with that.

He had gotten a room at the casino hotel and went in ahead of time, to get it all set up, with candles and wine glasses. Unfortunately, he was having some trouble with opening the cork on the wine bottle and it was pissing him off, lol. We ended up drinking vodka and red bull.

Then we fucked on the bed. He wanted to talk a lot before, and after, and says he wants to know everything there is about me. He wore a condom, and the sex was pretty good, but didn’t last long, maybe 5-10 minutes. He didn’t go down on me and I didn’t give him a blowjob.

According to him, he has been seeing this woman that he is in a poly relationship with, for 3 years. He calls himself an “alpha male” and said that she doesn’t fuck any other men but sometimes likes to just watch him with women, or participate. We will refer to him as “Mr. Poly”, even though it’s debatable if it’s really “poly” when it’s one sided like that.

I’m supposed to meet her (and him) for brunch tomorrow. We will see how that goes! It’s kind of interesting anyhow.

Wednesday, I spent with The Cohort again, at his house, fucking for a good couple of hours. It was pretty darn good, even better than the last time. According to him, he is a person that likes to fuck the same woman over and over again, because he says it keeps getting better. He wants to see me regularly. So far he is easy to get along with and talk to, so it sounds like fun.

I got back pretty late. My baby brother had stopped by late in the evening because he was in town and I left him with the kids while I took off. So the next morning I was TIRED, lol, but it didn’t stop me for going to talk with my new “boss”. 😉 😉

I was supposed to meet with the Married Man, Thursday morning, at his house, to pick up some paperwork, so I can get started doing my “job”. Of course, I knew it would be more than that. 😉

He lives in a big, 3200 square foot, historical home, deep in the city. His house is very nice and the decor was quite “artsy”, almost like being in a museum or gallery, with antiques and other interesting stuff to look at. Some of the surrounding neighborhood is kind of iffy though. It’s a mix of renovated homes like his, and not-so-renovated, falling apart, ghetto looking places. There was graffiti all over the stop signs around his house and shady looking apartments nearby. I noticed the security system while I was sitting on the couch and saw what may have been a camera, in the corner of the ceiling.

He had a pit bull puppy sitting in a crate by the front door, but it didn’t bark when I entered. I sat on the couch and looked around while he went upstairs to get a file folder for me. I wondered where his wife was. I have no idea what she does for a living but I am assuming she works outside the home.

After explaining what I would need to do and handing me a couple of papers to take home, he suddenly pulled me up off the couch for a kiss. Almost as quickly, and quite roughly, he turned me around, shoved me onto my knees and pulled out his cock for me to suck. Then he practically threw me, face forward, onto the couch, and yanked down my pants and panties, entering me from behind. He was fucking me fast and furiously, I could barely grab a hold of the back of the leather couch to keep from falling over.

A few minutes later, he nearly knocked me down on my back, pushing my legs up over my head, my pants still only halfway down. He saw the fear on my face and promised not to tear my pants, lol, ripping one leg off while the other was still flailing about, as he kept going hard.

Eventually we did get them all the way off, as well as my boots, blouse and bra, but it took awhile, lol. He would slow down and talk to me occassionally, asking questions like whether or not I would fuck his wife? I was like um, yeah, probably and he asked if I had seen her. When he and I were Facebook friends I had seen her pic, so I said yes. He laughed and said “yeah, she would KILL me!”

He was like “have you ever fucked a married man at his house before?” and I said no. He later told me he had never fucked anyone like that at HIS house either, I guess implying he’s fucked married women in THEIR homes. A couple of times he told me “you know we can’t be doing this right, now that you work for me?” Yeah sure, lmao. 😉 Then he asked me if he was bigger than “all those white guys” I have been fucking. I was thinking, what white guys??? LOL But I played along. 😉

At one point there was a sound at the front door and I startled, but it was only the dog, moving around in it’s crate. He said where we needed to worry about was the back door, where their driveway is. Another time, he had jumped up to look out the back window, lifting the blinds. Then he told me to come over that way, setting me up on his kitchen table to fuck right in front of the open window!

He was still being pretty aggressive at that point, then pulled out and got down to eat my pussy while I was naked on his kitchen table, in front of the window. He came back up and slowly thrust inside me for a minute, looking me in the eyes, before picking me up off the table, setting me down in front of him and grabbing my hair, pushing my head up onto his dick as he came in my mouth. I swallowed every last drop. 😉

The funny thing is, I never came. It was hot but I think I was too alert and on edge to relax enough to do that. As we were looking around for bits of my clothing and my missing panties (which we finally found under the couch), I warned him to make sure there weren’t any strands of my hair laying about. His wife is black and I have long hair with streaks of blonde in it. I think it would be pretty obvious, eek! He saw me off and kissed me goodbye. We will see if that happens again…

Friday night I went out with another new guy. He took me to the art walk downtown and we had a good time even though I wasn’t feeling that attracted to him. We met on Craigslist and he had referred to himself as “well above average looking”. Um…no. :p

I almost backed out of fucking him. I just wasn’t feeling him and didn’t really want him to kiss me. I insisted on a condom and he didn’t have one so he had to run to the gas station. Beforehand, he had me suck him off and tried to cum in my mouth but I kind of spit it out. It was very fast, and while he was gone I debated just ditching, but decided to stay.

I’m kind of glad I did because he was actually pretty good in the sack. He was ESPECIALLY good at going down on me and made me cum a few different times like that. He was quite dominant as well and the sex wasn’t half bad. I’m not sure at this point about the future. He clearly wants to see me again.

He does have an on again/off again girlfriend who he says never wants to fuck. According to him though, he is fucking 4 different married women on the side and also suggested that we get together with one of his male friends for a threesome because they like to sometimes “go half” on women.

I don’t know though, I guess I will see. I’m iffy on this one. In any case, whew! Wonder what next week will look like?? I’m honestly having kind of a hard time keeping up with all the guys that want to see me right now. Maybe its a good thing that my phone still isn’t getting all my texts, it helps keep things at bay. :p

 

Keeping it in the family

wayans brothers

 

So here I am in bed, kissing this complete stranger that Mr. Host had sent in to “take care of” me, another one of his cousins.  I was a bit peeved at Mr. Host, not only for ignoring me, but now he was giving me to someone else to fuck?  It was confusing, yet, I was excited too. 

The new guy was hot, better looking than either of his other cousins, and I liked his demeanor.  I was turned on by the concept, that I was about to fuck this guy I had never even met.  I wasn’t about to say no.

He was kissing me, one hand in my hair and the other between my legs, rubbing against the satin fabric.  He said “you’ve got a phat pussy under there, I can feel it.  I can’t wait to be inside you”.  He pulled off his boxers and tugged at my pajama pants, letting me take them, and my top, the rest of the way off, as he slid on a condom.  “I am looking forward to seeing this big, black, dick against that white skin” he said, as he watched me undress.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve fucked a white girl” he claimed as he was sliding his way in.  “MMMmmm, I can’t keep my hands out your hair…and you have such beautiful eyes.”  “God, you are so fucking tight”.  He kept telling me he couldn’t believe his good luck, happening to have stopped by at his cousin’s house.

The sex was good.  He was well endowed, though not exceptionally so.  You could tell he knew what he was doing.  Halfway through he was saying “this pussy is so good, I am definitely getting your number” and talking about how he wanted to come down to see me on his motorcycle.  He was thrilled when I told him I’ll be moving up that way soon.

At some point, not long after we started, I heard someone in the hallway, using the restroom.  You could hear a door open and close and the fan being turned on.  It made me wonder who was out there?  Had the Host and those other people even left?

After having me bend over on my hands and knees for a bit, he flipped me onto my back and said “I’m gonna fuck that ass now”.  I said “No, no, no, I don’t want that” and he was like “are you sure?  I seen it winking at me”.  I laughed “NO, it was definitely not winking at you”. He teased “oh yes it was, I saw when you were bent over the bed, it was giving me the eye”.  I said I’d done it before I just don’t like it.  His response was “you just haven’t been with a man who knows how to do it right”.  “But I bet all the guys say that to you, don’t they?” He laughed.  I said yep, that is exactly what they say!  Lmao.

He said my pussy was good enough that he wasn’t gonna really care one way or the other, and went back to fucking me again.  Towards the end he asked if it was okay to cum on my face and I said just don’t get it in my eyes.  So he pulled out and was pretending to spell out his initials on my face with his dick as he came, lmao.  He was like “I’ve gotta leave my mark on that”.

He cuddled with me for a bit and asked if I’d fucked the Host yet tonight.  I said no, and he couldn’t believe he’d let him come in there first.  He took down my number and texted my phone.  Then he left the room to go get a drink out of his car. 

He came back with a lemon iced tea for me that he said he’d just bought at the gas station before he came over.  He said he’d gone downstairs and seen the Host was fucking someone.  I asked who and he said he thought it was that same woman from earlier.  She was riding him and the Host had beckoned him over with his hand.  The cousin said he wasn’t sure if he meant for him to come join in or go get me but that he’d rather just be up here with me alone.

I was surprised the Host was fucking her.  I’m not sure why, I guess I should have assumed that he would be.  She wasn’t unattractive or anything, though she was in her 40’s and maybe a little worn looking.  She was tall and blonde and skinny. 

I guess that’s why he sent the cousin into me.  I’d certainly rather fuck him than the hillbilly guy, any day.  Plus, he DID ask if I had gotten my fun in and probably assumed I’d been fucking more than I had at the party.  Who knows what Mr. Hillbilly was doing?  Watching?  Passed out?  Haha

Anyhow, I fucked Mr. Cousin again (I might have to change his name later if I see him again, I don’t want any newbies to my blog to get confused or too many people finding it searching for incest stories, lmao).  This time he pulled the condom off towards the end and went right back in.  Totally defeats the purpose there, but not the first time a guy has pulled that!

After we were finished (and he again came on my face) he wanted to talk a lot.  He asked if I wanted to come with him to some jazz bar that was open till 6 am and eat catfish.  Normally, that might sound good, but I was tired and ready to sleep.

He was telling me all about how he and the Host and their other cousins have been sharing females since they were in high school.  He said his first sexual experience was actually a MFM threesome.  According to him though, it had been awhile since he’d shared someone with Mr. Host, specifically, and he has never been to a swinger party.

He said he makes a point of not judging women because then they open up to him a lot more.  I agreed that was true and admitted that I had grown up with a family that operated similarly, with the brothers/cousins all fucking the same women.

 The guy I had the affair with was from that same family, though I had promised him during that time I wouldn’t fuck his brothers.  We weren’t at the point where he wanted to share any longer and I would stay away from most of them these days, for various reasons.  I admit to laughing a couple of years ago when one of them posted on Facebook that all he wants is to find just ONE woman that hasn’t fucked any of his brothers or cousins, and all the responses were like “have you thought about moving to Alaska?” lol. 

 He finally left around 5:30 and I heard the Host and his company getting ready to leave a few minutes later.  I knew they’d have a 20 minute or so drive each way, so I drifted back to sleep.

I was awoken by Mr. Host climbing on my back and kissing my neck.  I peeked at the clock, 6:30, but pretended to be asleep.  I was still irritated with him.  I lay completely still and didn’t move.

He slid off my pj pants and started gently biting his way up my thighs and on the underside of my ass.  I didn’t budge.  So he spread my legs open and quickly entered me from behind.  I gasped and he whispered in my ear “are you ready for your 30 seconds?” I said “what. ever.” and we had great sex for like the next hour, twice, before falling asleep.  He was saying stuff like “who’s number 1? Tell me I’m number 1″…and promising that he is going to make the sex different each time so I’ll be sure to keep coming back for more.

He woke me up with more doggystyle sex, which was pretty good, cumming inside me, because again, he’s got a vasectomy.  I started my period the next day, thank God, so we know that other guy who came in me didn’t get me pregnant.

 Anyhow, it’s hard to stay mad and he later claimed that the reason he left me alone at the second party was to let me be and let me enjoy myself.  I don’t know about all THAT, but whatever.  I still had fun and it’s not worth the drama at this point.  Just have to be careful to keep myself emotionally distant.

Why do I “prefer” black men?

interracial couple in bed

This is one of those posts that has the potential to upset and offend just about everyone in some way or another, so I’ve been procrastinating, lol, but there have been a couple of times I said I would write it up.  So, here you go, in question and answer format. 

Most of these are real questions that people have asked at some time or another.  Don’t expect them to be politically correct and I can’t be responsible for other people’s thought processes.  Some, I find offensive too, but I’m going to attempt to answer them anyhow. I’m a big fan of DISCUSSING things rather than shushing people up and telling them they are wrong to ask. 

I’m writing it out in this manner because I think the assumptions people make can be really crazy and so far off from the truth.  Sometimes I understand why they might think a certain way and others I am just shaking my head.  Still, its not like everyone doesn’t wonder.  Maybe YOU were too afraid to ask ;). 

Ever since high school, I’ve been getting this:
Lovergirl, why don’t you ever date white guys?

Who says I don’t?  Why would they assume this?  Mostly it’s…white guys..who ask.  I guess its true, that even back then, the majority of the guys I dated were black.  Still, I’m a never say never kind of girl, especially when it comes to things like sex.  😉

Just for fun, I sat down and figured out the actual percentages for you.  Yeah, I was feeling like a nerd. 😉  This is the breakdown of guys I “count” as having had sex with (invoking the Bill Clinton clause-it doesn’t include oral).  Here are my pussy’s demographics:

Black- 75%
White- 13.23%
Asian- 1.47%
Latino- 2.94%
Mixed race- 7.35%

In every case the “mixed” group was a mix of black and white. 

Actually, the first guy I ever had sex with was white, followed by the second guy, who was Asian and then the third, who was black.  Bam! Bam! Bam!  Got that out of the way as soon as I could, hahaha. 😉  I’m playing. I honestly didn’t even think about it at the time, though now it is kind of cool to be able to say I’ve tasted the rainbow. 🙂

Anyhow, we’ve established that its not “never”.  I’ve always been kinda bugged by people who say they would “never” date someone of a different race, but it’s even more weird when you apply that to your own!  How can you block out an entire race of people from your sexual realm of possibility, and how lame is it to discount your OWN freaking race??  WTF??

Honestly, it bothers me when I hear black men say they won’t date black women and I fully understand why some black women get pissed.  The other day at the swinger party where I was talking with two women, a white guy (the one I had just given a blow job to, actually) walked out the door and they both commented that he was cute but they couldn’t fuck him.  The one girl said “I just can’t do white guys anymore” and the other agreed.  They were both white.  I kept my mouth shut but inwardly I was rolling my eyes.

HOWEVER, that said, I clearly do have a preference.  My general preference is black men.  That is USUALLY what I am attracted to.  It’s actually a very strong preference, as you can see from my numbers above.  I sometimes don’t want to admit it, like when the Professor was looking at my swinger site emails and noticed “you don’t even open the white guys’ mail!” That wasn’t entirely true though, I just hadn’t opened MOST of their mail, lol.

Is it because you hate your dad and are trying to get back at him?

This one is kind of entertaining.  Because, well, I didn’t really know my dad until I was a teenager and in the meantime, I had three stepdads.  The first one was white, the second was from South America and the third was black. 

I hated my third stepdad, and still do, but the last way I would try to “get back” at him would be to date black men.  So, hopefully that answers the question as to whether I would date that way because I was “close” to my stepfather too.  NOPE. 

If my black stepfather had been my only exposure to black men and I was one to assume they were all like him, I’d be a racist bitch.  It didn’t happen that way though, thankfully.  Maybe because I was around enough OTHER family members, who were also black, to not make those kinds of assumptions.

I always felt like I was treated like part of the family, for the most part.  While some of his family weren’t too keen on the fact that he was married to a white woman, they didn’t take it out on ME, because I was a kid.  I was just thrown into the mix with the zillions of cousins running around and really no one seemed to think much of it.

Is it because black guys have bigger dicks?

I’ve gone over this one in my post Big Black Men, Is it True?  So if you haven’t read that, head over there.  The answer is no.  That really has nothing to do with it at all.  When white guys tell me they are “black below the belt” it doesn’t turn me on.  I’m just shaking my head.

Is it because you fucked black guys at a young age and “once you go black you never go back?”

Again, I am a never say never kind of girl, remember?  Even after sleeping with a lot of black guys, I went away to an almost totally white college and guess who I fucked there?  White guys!  In fact, that is where I met my ex husband, who was white.

I get this question more from black men than white ones, actually.  What was really entertaining was after I first met my ex husband and went back home for the summer. 

When I first came back, some girlfriends and I went over to this guy’s house.  There were probably like 15 people over there hanging out.  Maybe 5 girls and 10 guys, all of whom were black (except me).  One of the guys asked who I was dating and I told them about my ex.

He thought that was crazy and announced “Lovergirl is dating a white dude!!!” Soon, the attention was all on me, while he and a few of the other guys grilled me right and left and totally made fun of that fact. 

He was like “you aren’t really dating a white guy, you can’t date a white guy! Once you go black you NEVER go back”.  The girls had to jump in “how can you tell her she can’t date a white guy??  She’s white!  You act like she’s black or something!!”  He asked “what’s his name?” and I told him his name and he starts busting out laughing and all the guys are “that is such a white name, hahahaha”.  I said “he’s white!” lmao “what do you expect??  You want his parents to give him a black name?” hahaha

The teasing went on for awhile, with the guys telling me he was probably cheating on me and me saying “no he isn’t”.  The girls were like “he’s not cheating on her!  He’s white!!”  and the guys were saying he was probably doing so right at that very moment.  :p  Then they threatened to call my ex boyfriend, the crazy drug dealer one, and tell him the news.  They were pretending to pick up the phone and I was all “go ahead!!  Why would he care, I’m not talking to him anymore anyway”.   

The whole thing ended with the guy whose house we were at telling me I “even look more white” and pretending to sneer at me, lmao.  Then he was like “you’ll be back…wait”.  Hahaha  I guess I can’t argue about that. 😉

Hold on, wait.  You have sex with all these black guys and then the guy you chose to MARRY was white?  Is this some sort of latent racism?  Did you think he was better marriage material and a better person to make babies with because of his whiteness?

No.  It wasn’t because he was white that I married him.  I actually always wanted to have a biracial baby, because of my little brother and sister.  When they were born I was a young teenager and took care of them all the time.  I thought they were the cutest things on earth and adored my younger siblings.  I totally wanted a mixed race baby, lol. 

However, I DID think my ex husband was completely different from all the other guys I had been with and more “marriage material”.  So this question gave me a pause for just a minute.  Why did I think that?  Was it more than just the fact that he had been the one to ASK me to get married or that his parents kind of pressured us in that direction?  I never dated any black guys whose parents were pressuring them to marry a white girl, btw, lol. 

If there was ONE stereotype I think I had in my head at the time regarding black men, it was that “black men always cheat”.  I know that this is probably unfair, and of course not always true, but it is what it is.  I’d grown up with that imbedded into my brain, mainly from black women!  Not to mention I’d had quite a few experiences of being cheated ON by black guys, including 3 who impregnated someone else whilst we were dating.

I didn’t want to marry someone who would cheat on me.  So I think in some way that probably DID factor into my decision at the time.  Now that I’m older and wiser I’d say everyone cheats, or they will, if they have the option.  If they have the option and don’t think they would get caught, years after being married…I suspect MOST men AND women, would cheat, black or white.

Shortly before I actually ended up cheating on my ex husband, I was emailing back and forth with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time on MySpace.  She is biracial and has 5 kids with like 5 different dads.  She was relaying a story of one of the dads, who had asked her to marry him and got her to come to another state and even gave her a ring, before she discovered that he was ALREADY married and had given her his current wife’s ring!  Nuts. 

She said “you’re lucky, you married a white guy, you don’t have to worry about him cheating on you”.  She went on to lament that she could never date a white guy herself.  I guess I’ll never know if my ex actually cheated on me but he did eventually fall in love with someone else, so there goes that theory down the drain!

Anyhow, sometimes I kind of wish I had married a black man.  For all the negative press black men get, I’m virtually always impressed by what great fathers the guys I see are.  I mean,  they go over and above, and I am so sad for my own children that they don’t have that.

I think a lot of black men, these days, make it a HUGE priority to be a good dad.  It’s like all their lives they have seen the negative effects in the black community and all the stereotypes and go completely the opposite direction.  I wish someone had drilled this into my ex husband’s head while they were knocking him over it with the Bible.  Sigh…

You must have a sexual “fetish” for black men.

I don’t think that is the case.  It’s true that I am more physically attracted, usually, to black men.  Why that is, I can’t say for sure.  I can say that there are plenty of black men I am NOT attracted to and that the ones I am, tend to fall into a very specific “type”.  So like any other “type” that a person has, mine is black men that fall into whatever attraction template I have.  Actually, I think I have a couple.  Most of the guys I see, look or act, in some way, like a man that I have liked previously.  I guess that is part of my natural selection bias.

I also prefer black men to date, not just for sex.  I tend to feel a lot more comfortable with black men and have more in common.  Maybe that is due to not having been around as many white guys growing up.  Even when I had the South American stepfather, most of the families we associated with were not white.  I sometimes have a harder time relating to white guys, despite being white myself.

Even with my ex husband, I never really felt “close” to him, whereas a lot of times I can talk better with black men and feel more understood.  Maybe it is because I don’t really have the same cultural background as most white men.  When I went away to an all white, country, college, it was actually kind of a culture shock for me.  The music, movies, and general attitude that I grew up with veered more towards black than white.  Not that I didn’t have white friends or go to predominately white schools, because I did, but at home it was different.

So what is it that you like about black men and why do you think you choose them?

This is the hard part, because I can’t write it without admitting to having some stereotypes.  I like to think I don’t, but I guess we all do to some extent, like it or not.  Here is the deal though, I have certain traits that I like and have come to look for in men.  In my experience, it is much EASIER to find what I am looking for in a black man. 

What I think it boils down to, is that I percieve black men as being more “Alpha” in general.  Before the white guys get too upset and disagree, let me explain.  It’s not that white guys don’t sometimes have “Alpha” characteristics or that ALL black men fit the description. It just seems, in our culture and at least, here in the U.S., that with white guys it’s something like 20% of the population versus 80% of black men.

Let’s say, for example, that I am looking for a man who is dominant in bed.  I go on a sex site and find 10 black guys and 10 white guys.  Probably 8 of the black men are going to fit that description, but only 2 of the white guys.  Since the majority of the population is white (and especially where I live now), if I just focus on the black men, I can get what I want a LOT faster and not have to filter through zillions of passive white dudes.  Plus, because there are few black men in this area, I have an even smaller group to narrow it down to.

Ever feel like you are totally overwhelmed at Walmart because there are sooo many choices to pick from, for something as basic as shampoo?  It’s like I don’t even know where to start and I don’t want to try each one to figure out if it (he) is what I am looking for.  Would be much faster to run around the corner to the place that only sells a few salon brands. 

Anyow, that might be a bad analogy because I usually do just grab a Walmart shampoo, lmao, and I like to try different ones. 😉  But hopefully, I’m making SOME sense. 

What are the traits that you associate more often with black men, that you like?

Well, we have established the more dominant part.  I think that tends to be true, both in and out of the bedroom.  Now get ready for the massive generalizations, but I find them to be mostly true in my experience.

In general, black men that I meet, are more likely to have some of the following characteristics:

Dress nicely (white European guys do this but in the U.S., white guys tend to think this is “gay”)
Take good care of their physique or are “athletic”
Meticulous hygeine
Clean freaks (I love this and you rarely come across black men that are slobs)
LIKE to talk about relationships, and sex (for some reason white guys don’t seem as interested in this a lot of times)
Less judgemental
More complimentary
Less emotionally reserved and more willing to talk about feelings
More protective
More of a gentleman in how they treat women
Less critical
More supportive, emotionally
Put more emphasis on family and ties to friends

AND…what I know you really want to know…IN the bedroom

More emotionally expressive and PASSIONATE
More appreciative of my body
More dominant and commanding
More sensual and “romantic”
Care more about my pleasure in a non-supplicating way
Less selfish
More experienced

OF COURSE-

There are plenty of lame black men out there too, but I do seem to be able to find what I am looking for more often and I do love the color contrast of dark skin on lighter skin in bed.  I’ve been with a couple of white guys that were good in bed but they didn’t open up as much.  I’ve also had a disproportionate amount of one night stands with white guys.  It’s like they are quicker to hit it and quit it or think of you as “slutty” afterwards. 

My other deal with the white guys I have come across on dating sites is that they seem to go to extremes.  It’s like they are either super passive or they go crazy with it and take “dominant” to mean rough, aggressive and MEAN, which I hate.  I once put out a Craigslist ad looking for a “freak” in the bedroom.  It was like all the black guys knew exactly what I meant but the white guys were talking about totally off the wall shit, involving all kinds of props and stuff that I would never want to do.  I don’t know, maybe that’s just part of the communication barrier I was talking about earlier.

I know some of you all are probably chomping at the bit by now, but these are just my observations, experiences and feelings.  Thoughts?

Finishing up (House party, part 3)

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After the massive threesome fail, I was starting to feel pretty withdrawn.  My hair was a matted mess and I had tears running down my cheeks. It was like 4:30 in the morning. So I slipped into the master bedroom, with the intent of avoiding the remaining people at the party. 

I wanted to clean up a little bit and my bag was in the Host’s closet.  I was digging around but couldn’t find my hairbrush.  Dangit!  I must have left it in the car when I used it right before coming in.  While I was still searching, in walks the cuckhold guy I had seen earlier.  He’d been listening while the Host fucked his wife, and shortly thereafter I saw him eating her pussy on the stairwell. 

He made some joke about how the last time he’d seen me we were in 4th grade.  What?  I did a double take, because I actually did attend elementary school in that city for a while, so not improbable.  He was an average looking, white guy, with bland enough features that I wasn’t sure that he might not have been someone I knew.  He laughed though, and said he was kidding.  Whew! 

He came over and went in for a kiss.  I wasn’t too excited about it and sort of pulled away, making an excuse to leave the room.  I went into the kitchen, where another white guy grabbed my arm. 

This guy was actually pretty cute.  I’d been talking to him earlier and he’d said he was 26, though he looked even younger.  He could definitely pass for a college student.  So in that sense, he wasn’t my type, but he might have been, 15 years ago, lol. 

In any case, he was surprisingly confident and persistent, and he WAS pretty cute. He kissed me a couple of times before I let him lead me down the stairs. To my chagrin, the cuckhold guy was down there already, looking excited to see us.  His wife was passed out on the couch, though she was awake enough to respond when he made a joke about her being the parking lot attendant.

I sat on the couch with the young guy and we were sort of making out.  The cuckhold guy comes over and we ended up moving to another couch. He followed.  He was making comments about threesomes.  I was starting to think, hey, this might not be so bad.  I just had a threesome with two black dudes, now I could do two white guys, that would be a fun story to tell!  Haha

The young guy pulled out his rather thick, nice cock and I started to suck on it.  It wasn’t for long because the other guy was undoing his pants and standing near my face.  So I turned and started to suck on him while continuing to jack off the other guy with my hand.  I didn’t like the taste of this guy’s dick, what was it?  Dried cum?  Gag…

My hand suddenly felt warm and wet.  The younger guy had cum.  I briefly considered using my cum covered hand to lube up guy #2 so I could hurry up and get him to finish as well, but decided against it, lmao.  Somehow, I don’t think he would mind.

Instead I kind of pulled away and the older guy starts shouting things like “suck that thick cock!”  He was just getting revved up, and didn’t realize the other guy had finished (he was still rock hard).  We exchanged glances and I knew he wanted me to cover up for him.  I didn’t say anything about it and sort of half assed sucked on the other guy’s cock a bit while the younger guy pulled up his pants.  I pulled away and didn’t finish off the cuckhold, kind of left him hanging there. The Host had just come down the stairs so that gave me an excuse.

The Host probably thinks I fucked a lot more guys than I actually did at the party, lmao.  There were a few instances where I saw him watching me and it would have appeared to be so, but wasn’t.  Like once, this man, who was part of a black married couple that I had been talking with, had cornered me in the bathroom and tried to ask about having a threesome with he and his wife.  I liked HER and she was cool, but him, not so much.  Plus, I don’t know that she would have wanted that, or it was just him, because he was being secretive.  He turned off the light at one point and we were in there in the dark. Upon opening the door, there was Mr. Host again, paying attention from across the room.

Anyhow, I got up and asked Mr. Host if he needed help with anything. He was cleaning up and said he thought he had it and was just trying to get people to leave now. The younger white guy left and I avoided the other one and went upstairs. 

The Redhead girl was sitting on a chair upstairs in the living room and I sat down to talk to her, while some of the remaining people who were milling about filtered their way out.  She had changed out of her dress and was bumming, in sweats with her hair pulled back, like if you were at home watching tv or something. She said she had to be at some military function in an hour.  Mr. Host had went into the kitchen and was having a discussion with the security guys, I think divvying up money. They each individually hugged me before they left, by the way. I don’t think they had a clue how uncomfortable I was with the rough sex.

She sees me and was like “OMG, did you…”  I said “yes” and she said “I have never….”  I responded “I know”.  She whispered “I could barely even…”  I retorted “me either”.   The Host walks into the room so we continue our conversation in half sentences, obviously talking about the guy with the big cock, but wanting to fly under the radar so he wouldn’t catch it.  He was like “What the Hell did I just hear??”  LMAO.  I said “we are telepathic” and he just stared in disbelief.  She laughed and said “telepathy, we are communicating through telepathy”.  We both giggled and were like, it’s just “girl talk”.  He looked suspicious, but shook his head and left the room.

We talked for a few minutes longer about him and his not cumming with her and she said it was the same with Mr. Host.  She says now HE can go forever!  At that, the woman who I know has an ongoing sexual relationship with Mr. Host, whose husband is the old black guy and she is like 27, came into the room.  She was messing with her phone but looked up at that comment and said “yep”.  Then the Redhead made a joke, that I didn’t catch until later.  She was like straddling the arm of the chair she was on and said “Quit tryin to run” and the other girl laughed out loud.

Hours later, when I was in bed with Mr. Host, I finally “got it”, LMAO!  He’s got me pinned down, in some sort of hold where he is on his elbows and doing me from the back and he says “Quit tryin to run!  You can’t go nowhere!  Quit tryin to run!  You can’t get away from me!”  LMMFAO!!!  I can just picture him, with his big old cowboy hat that he likes to wear, and his southern drawl/midwestern twang accent, out there “wrasslin a hawg” or something.  Only in this interaction, I’m…..the hog.  Bahahaha! 

The embarrassing part is that, to me, this was actually pretty hot! LMAO Rape fantasies and all. 😉 Not the imagining a hog part, lol, but just being trapped like that where I can’t get away. 😉

Okay, so anyway the third girl is in the room and The Redhead again brings up the guy with the big dick. Now she is curious too because she didn’t get to have sex with him. So we both climb over onto the couch with her and we are huddled up talking and showing her pics and she is asking what his screen name is and saying she needs to put this into her phone.

In walks Mr. Host, and we quickly change the subject. You can tell he’s been trying to catch a little bit of our conversation and see what’s up. He later told me he didn’t like us girls talking about him. I guess that’s what he assumed since we had all slept with him at some point. He admitted though, that guys do the same thing. I said we were talking about something else anyway, and that she had only mentioned that he lasts a long time. Of course that was before I got the other joke, haha.

The Redhead left and the other girl went back and I think was talking with Mr. Host. Her husband came out and practically yelled at me to get up off the couch and come to bed. I’m thinking, seriously, please tell me we are not sleeping in the same bed with these people again!! Mr. Host had promised me not this time.

I got up and he was like you come in here with me, but said I needed to go outside to my car. I walked past Mr. Host and this woman having what appeared to be some sort of emotional discussion, in order to get my purse. I get the feeling she wants to sleep with him. Where is that going to leave me? I sure as hell don’t want to sleep with the old guy.

I went out and got my hairbrush. When I came back in she was still in the room, but walked out. Mr. Host was lying on the bed.

It felt a little awkward. I asked “what do you want me to do?” and he looked a little upset but said “what do you mean?” I said I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to sleep with him. He said, “of course I do, go close the door and come here, I think we are done with them now”.

I did as he asked and got under the covers next to him. The old man then barges in the room and starts telling me to get up and trying to yank me out of bed. I pulled away from him. He said “come on! Aren’t you going to come with me?”. I turned to look helplessly at Mr. Host. He looks at me for a second and then tells the old guy to leave us alone to “talk”. He didn’t come back. Thank God.

Mr. Host was like “you should have told him no, it’s okay to stand up for yourself”. I asked “were you trying to pawn me off on him?” and he said “NO!! Of course not.” He claimed the guy was drunk and normally doesn’t act that way, that normally he would be very polite and ASK me first, not demand stuff. He said he is not really like that.

I don’t know, but I was a little confused and glad he left. We had great sex in the morning but through much of the rest of the night I felt he was holding back a bit, maybe trying to keep me quiet so the other girl wouldn’t hear. He said he just wanted to “make love” and was going slow for much of the time. Not that it wasn’t fun, just a little frustrating. He did say he was tired, which is reasonable I guess, lol and wanted to sleep with his cock inside me (talk about frustrating, haha).

In the morning though, the sex was more intense and those people were still there. Finally, he came. :p I had to leave early due to my ex husband acting like an ass and refusing to take my son to basketball practice. Grrrr…. So not sure what happened with them after that.

I wasn’t able to meet with the Bodybuilder because of that either and he was kind of upset. I think he feels put off, and it’s true I kind of did do that. I couldn’t make any concrete plans with him due to my ex making it difficult for me to spend as long as I would like out of town. I’m glad I left it open ended though or it would have been worse. I knew I couldn’t make promises to get together. I’m sure he will still try to meet with me again. 😉

The house party goes downhill (part 2)

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When I left off the last blog entry, I was still at the party and had just finished experiencing a gigantic cock.  I feel a little guilty about my attitude at the time, now that he has been texting me a little bit.  He’s actually been fairly nice.  Maybe I was too hard on him. Guys don’t always want to be treated like a big piece of meat either.  In any case, he said his time with me was “phenomenal” and he wants to meet up again.  He is a nice looking guy and wasn’t awful or anything, he just seemed pretentious. 

That and I was irritated that he wouldn’t cum.  In talking with The Redhead later, she brought up that he didn’t cum with her and I said don’t feel bad, me either.  We agreed we hate it when men try to reserve that so they can keep fucking at parties or whatever, because it makes you feel like a failure.  I mean, I get the reason, because it would be hard for most of them to keep going and going and going if they didn’t, it’s just still a disappointment.  They probably don’t like it when we hold back from them either.  SHE said when he tried to put her in doggystyle she told him “no way!”  LMAO  Made me feel a little better about refusing to swallow.

Okay, so when I walked out of the bedroom with this guy, I saw The Host watching from across the room.  It was mildly awkward so I just kind of ducked into the kitchen to avoid him.  He got up and followed me.  He came over and grabbed my arm and said “come here”, practically dragging me back to his bedroom.  Only he kept going, and took me into the bathroom. 

I was like “why are we going in here?” and he said because it was more private.  The private rooms were all filled up and his room was for public play.  I couldn’t tell if he was upset or angry or what and was trying to gauge his reaction. 

He said he had to have me now, and started undoing his pants.  He told me to suck it and I had to close the toilet lid and sit on it to do so, lol.  It’s a small little 3/4 bathroom and a tight squeeze in there.  I didn’t do that for long before he pulled me up and told me to bend over.  Over the toilet, lol, I was having to grab onto the sides of it to hold on. 

He grabbed a hold of my hair, pulled me up enough to where he could talk in my ear and said “did he wear a condom?”  I said yes and he said “I don’t want you fucking anyone here without a condom but me”.  I said okay, (not like I was planning to do that anyhow) and he pulled my hair harder, starts pumping harder and says “I mean it!  Do you hear me? I want to be the only one who gets to feel your wetness”. 

Okay, anyhow, we were in there for quite awhile, in the same position, with me grabbing onto the sides of the toilet, lol.  He kept saying he needed to go and could hear people out there looking for him, but he didn’t want to.  He finally stopped (without cumming) and said “I have to go out there but I promise I’ll make love to you later when we are alone”.  What’s funny is that today he actually apologized for being “too aggressive” with me and I guess that is what he was talking about, though I wasn’t the least bit bothered by it at all.

After I left the room I was accosted by the security guy I had been flirting with.  I guess he saw I had just been in there with the Host.  He said he was finished working so we went into a private room.  He started to break out a condom and then asks me if I want him to go get his cousin first.  I said “sure” so he did.  Now I’m kind of regretting that.  I think all would have gone much better had it just been the two of us.

This was quite possibly the worst threesome I have ever had.  We started out on the bed with me sucking security guy #2’s dick, and the other guy fucking me from behind, just like the last time.  Okay, well guy #1 is behind me going at it kind of hard and at the same time guy #2 starts trying to deep throat fuck me.  This was not cool as I was gagging and on the verge of throwing up.  I had my hand on the lower half of his cock and that was the only thing keeping me from choking to death while they were both ramming me from different directions.  I wasn’t in a position where I could SAY anything so I was trying to push back with my hand and stop this and security guy number two starts saying “get your hand out of there, come on suck the whole thing, take it all” and ramming harder. 

Let me say here that this is totally NOT my thing!  I do not enjoy being gagged to death on someone’s cock or having them fuck my throat.  Hell, its hard not to choke sometimes even controlling things myself, let alone with someone ramming it in there.  Apparently there are women in the world who enjoy this sort of thing but I am not one of them!!

It got to the point where I managed to pull my mouth off of his cock.  He didn’t seem to like that and was yelling something about taking it all in but I pulled away and we switched positions, to where I was fucking HIM instead.  He put on a condom and started doing me from the back.   Only he was fucking me much harder, ramming it in a lot harder and faster and the OTHER guy starts saying the same crap this one was about taking it in my throat.  I was miserable and trying to push them both away at the same time.  They didn’t seem to get it.

Someone opened the door and let in the old guy from the last party.  Security guy #2 left the room to go grab another woman while this old guy comes up behind me and is trying to finger me from the back, while I’m still in a doggystyle position with my mouth on security guy #1.  I was showing no interest in sucking his cock anymore and he’s starting to go limp, but still pushing for me to suck it.  Meanwhile the old guy is behind me and trying to finger me from the back, which I also wasn’t enjoying.  A dick is one thing but fingers can irritate me at times and in that position and with him basically trying to fuck me with them, it was not fun.

Security guy #2 and the other woman, a skinny older black woman who has the “librarian” look with glasses and gray streaks in her hair came in.  She starts sucking his cock and he is telling her the same shit he was saying to me but she actually seems to like it.  Maybe because no one was ramming her into him from the back.  Anyhow, the old man was diverted onto fingering her and I was glad for that.  I started to get up, wanting to leave, but security guy #1 comes up behind me and wants to fuck me over the side of the bed.  He was struggling with the condom and losing his erection.

The other woman was really getting into things, really seemed to be enjoying this crap that I hated.  I had tears all down my cheeks, and was feeling awful.  I just wanted to get out of there, but I let him put it in from behind for a minute.  It felt like he went in without a condom and I finally just pulled away from him and walked over to the other side of the room to start getting dressed.  I don’t think he came. 

Maybe some of it was that it was 4 am and my drinks were starting to wear off, but I was just totally turned off and unhappy.  I guess I felt a little inadequate for not liking this stuff when the other woman seemed to think it was so great too.  I was hoping though that they would just direct their attention to her. The old guy had left and the second security guy and the other woman finished while I was getting dressed.  She was lying on the bed and said she was still cumming.  :p 

I don’t know.  I just hate that sort of thing.  To me it feels degrading and I’m not enjoying it a bit.  When I say I like dominant men, I don’t mean in that sort of way, at all.  Maybe I’m hard to please.  It’s one of the reasons I am afraid of gangbangs though.  Some guys just don’t get the difference there or what I mean when I try to tell them that.  Having a bunch of guys and a misunderstanding in that sense could really end up to be a disaster.

Gotta run, my library time is up.  More soon!