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My fantasies come true!

arrival

So remember last time, how positively SURE I was that I had found evidence that the CEO is married? I’m struggling now, with doubts. What if I was wrong?

Yes, I found a picture of him, posted shortly before we met, with his wedding ring on, the mother of his child and her family. That should be proof enough, shouldn’t it? You would think.

Only, he’s just so CONVINCING when he talks to me. Can a man really be THAT good of a liar?! This most recent rendezvous, he mentioned his “ex” (and he calls her that) several times. He even made a comment, saying “that’s why I left her”.

He also told me he’d been in China. I’d assumed he was lying because Tinder showed him as being 10 miles away during that time. Yet, when we got together again, he was COMPLAINING about having to haggle for prices when he was in China. If he’s a liar, he’s a damn good one!

What if….what if I’m completely wrong about him? What if that picture was taken previously and someone just re-posted it? Could I be convincing myself he’s a cheater because of my general mistrust of men? Maybe its easier for me to believe he is untrustworthy, than to open myself up to the possibility of getting hurt.

Perception is such a big thing. I could be making up an elaborate story in my head, because it fulfills some sort of fantasy for ME. Maybe the idea of a torrid, illicit, affair just turns me on! 😉 Or maybe, I’m totally on the mark and just trying to make excuses for him because I like him so much. :p He DOES behave like a married man and I haven’t ever been to his place!

There is just something deliciously sexy about the idea of sleeping with a taken man. So sue me, I get wet over the naughtiness of it all! Playing the mistress role for a little bit can feel kind of… intoxicating.

Sigh…in any case our last rendezvous was absolutely DREAMY! 🙂 He was doing work in a southern state and he decided to fly me to him for a hot overnight! Unfortunately, I couldn’t make arrangements to stay longer, since he notified me at the last minute, but he had said I could stay for up to a week.

I hadn’t heard from him in like 3 weeks and he just popped up out of the blue and suggested this trip. He didn’t really even ASK if I wanted to come, just stated that he was planning on flying me out on Saturday to be with him. Fortunately, I happened to have the weekend free!

He did mention that he’d been in China, and he said he’d missed me. I never know though, with him, whether I will hear from him or not. I don’t go out of my way to contact him, just wait and see what happens. Telling myself he is married at least gives me a way to make sense out of it all.  Meanwhile, he’s the fantasy mystery guy.

It was so exciting and I felt like a princess!! He flew me business select and I got to be practically the first person on the plane each time. I don’t know if he paid or used his companion miles but I saw what the tickets cost when he sent me the choices for when I could come and return. Two one way tickets, would have been about $700. Not that that’s probably not pocket change to HIM, lol, but it would be a big deal to me!

I love, love, love traveling, even when its just a short little jaunt to someplace new! It’s so fun for me and I don’t get to do it often. When I arrived, he took me out to a really nice seafood restaurant for dinner too! Yum!!

The discussion was interesting and he really is a fascinating man. He’s like an extreme caricature of what I would consider “masculine”. Sometimes I find his thinking to be very overly logical and black and white, but he is incredibly intelligent and it shows.

He’s also so, so, soooo incredibly masculine and dominant in the bedroom!! He’s absolutely PERFECT in the sack. WOW! I can’t get over how much he turns me on!! He’s like the perfect combination of super dominant and super giving, that I absolutely LOVE!

He’s so good that I still let him go for anal, even though it hurts like hell and we haven’t been able to do it for very long, lol. 😉 It’s still not my favorite activity but by the time he tries it I’m usually drowning in oxytocin and wanting to give him anything and everything.

The last time (not this one) he even brought lube, and a toy! He said Trojan had been at some convention he was at and he bought this little vibrator. It was awesome!! He pulled it out and surprised me during sex, whispering in my ear that he had gotten me a little surprise. Just the tone of his voice when he said that to me STILL gives me tingles all through my pussy.

It was brand new, in the box. He ended up having to go and get a knife to open it, lol. Yet, he didn’t give it to me afterwards. I wonder what he did with it? Did he give it to his wife? Another woman? Throw it away? Hmmmm….haha

Anyway, he used it on me in multiple ways during sex and it felt sooo good. Then he lubed up my ass and used it on my clit during anal. It probably made it a little easier but it still hurt and I still bled after. We didn’t do it for very long.

This time, on our trip, we didn’t do all that, but I FINALLY got to experience HIM having an orgasm. He didn’t even cum with me the first 4 times we had sex, even after HOURS of fucking and blow jobs. I was trying to play it cool but it had me a little worried!

This time he came, after a nice long blow job and then thrusting really hard and fast while I was on my stomach. I figure maybe he was afraid to be that rough with me in the beginning. He’s super focused on getting ME off most of the time and probably needed to relax enough to be a bit selfish for a change, and get HIS.

Lest you think the sex was short this time, it wasn’t.  It was down to about 3 1/2 hours though, versus the 5 or 8 the last few times.  It was still amazing and we did have a little anal, though not for too long.  Did I mention how incredibly fantastic he is at going down on me?? Oh MY GOD!  Lol  So many men let that slack after a while.  He even licked my asshole. 😉  No qualms… I love guys like that!

In any case, I was relieved! He came all over my back and down the crack of my ass. Ahhhh… sweet satisfaction! 😉 He cuddled afterwards and was a gentleman all the way till the time he dropped me back off to go home, always opening my car door and all the little things we women love. 🙂 I’m still walking on air…

On another note, I heard again from the Cohort. He texted me at the beginning of the year and said he was thinking of me. He was halfway across the country for a relative’s wedding and it said it made him appreciate me and the time he had with me.

It felt good to hear that, but like every other time he has contacted me, it ended in reliving a lot of grief and pain. It just hurts so much to know he still thinks of me and cares, but not ENOUGH.

I’m still spending a fair amount of time with Radioman. I saw him the day before I left on the plane but I never told him I went anywhere. We see each other at least once a week and often more.

Its funny, sometimes he says things like how he misses having a woman at home, someone to cook for him, to be there to share his day with, to be part of his everyday life. I’m not sure if he’s hinting about that with ME, or not? I like him a lot but I just don’t know if I could go there. There are so many things, like his love of gambling and the way he’s like most men and would not want ME with anyone else, but might end up there himself!

Still, I really do enjoy him and the sex is good. We’ve seen a little more of each other lately because he got my employer to agree to a collaboration with the radio station for the next couple of months. It’s been fun seeing him in a professional setting, as well as in his bed. 😉

Most of the others have fallen by the wayside, at least for the time being. I’m okay with that, especially since its been cold and wintery and I feel more like cuddling in than going out on new dates or with new men. Hope 2016 is going well for all of you!!

Am I dreaming??

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Somebody pinch me, this man is just unreal!! I’m completely bowled over by the CEO. Maybe I should have called him “Mr. Incredible”, lol. Seriously….Cohort who? Haha Okay, so there are still some residual feelings there, but it is definitely helping me to get past it.

I’m kind of afraid of how hard I’m starting to fall. I really don’t even know what he wants with me. Is he looking for a relationship? Just sex? It’s hard to tell. On one hand maybe its best to assume he just wants sex, so as not to get my hopes up for anything else, but then I don’t want to act like that’s all I want if he wants more. He did wait 4 dates to try anything on me! Not sure what’s up with that!!

In any case, he’s been like, PERFECT so far!! Our last get together was very recent, when he swung back into town for a couple of days. He acted super excited to see me and we had marathon level, EIGHT HOURS LONG sex! Lol

It was through the roof, off the chain, eight hours of complete BLISS!! Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to think straight! 😉 Then when I told him I’d never had sex for THAT long straight, he said “that’s nothing, we could have kept going!!” Wow….

I’m honestly not sure if I could have kept going! Near the end I gave him an HOUR long blow job and my jaw was pretty sore. He never came though and I finally just gave up! I think he would have liked for me to keep going but I was starting to feel frustrated. He did make a comment afterwards that no other woman has ever even gotten him close to cumming with a bj and that I got him to the brink several times. I guess that’s a positive.

He actually never came at all, though he was hard for pretty much the entire time. It’s hard not to feel like a bit of a failure if a guy doesn’t cum but he made me feel so good otherwise that I’m not too bothered by it. I suspect he’s one of those men that focuses so much on his performance and making ME feel good that he doesn’t really relax enough to get there. Or maybe it’s a control thing- his personality overall is very much “in control” and he is the same way in bed. Anyway, hopefully he will eventually.

He definitely made ME cum a bazillion times! He gives incredible oral and is amazing with his dick. And yes….we had anal again. This time it was a little more painful. Still no lube and it was hard for me to take for very long. I tried though and he called me a “trooper” for it. :p

He’s gone again, out of town, but is keeping in touch. Its funny, a couple days after our encounter I happened to check OKCupid and saw that he had emailed me, over a month ago (that’s how often I read my emails on there, lol- and my mailbox is eternally full). It was during the time when we had lost touch because of Tinder failing to work and he had hit me up on OKCupid, saying “hey stranger!! I’ve been looking for you!!”

It’s kind of amusing to me that I was inadvertently playing hard to get with him. Maybe that played a part in his surprising amount of interest in me! I say surprising, because if I’ve ever felt a man was out of my league, it’s this one! Yet he acts like he really likes me and I’m kind of taken aback.

It’s like what would this guy that’s a super successful millionaire want with a poor single mom like me? Not that he knows all my financial woes, but he saw my old minivan, lol. I wanted to crawl through the floor!

He never acts like he thinks he is better than me and he’s actually been very nice. He’s been super patient when I’ve had to show up hours later than expected, saying its no big deal. Yet I can tell that in his work he is brutal. He has no problem putting people out of their jobs if they don’t do things exactly the way he wants. I made a comment about that and he just laughed and said “honey you have no idea”.

I’m not sure what he is like underneath it all and I’m still trying to figure it out. I love that he emailed me on OKCupid because I had a chance to go over and see his answers to some of the questions on there. We were an 85% match. I saw that he is okay with open relationships and that he doesn’t seem bothered by women who have had a lot of sex. That’s a good start anyway!

We were polar opposite on some things, but most of them dealt more with male/female differences. Like he is your extremely masculine, logical type thinker and I’m the super emotional feminine opposite of him. He also took a test that put him as an ESTJ on the Meyers Briggs Scale and I am an ENFP.

Oh, and he is a Capricorn- first time I’ve ever knowingly slept with one of those, lol. I think I just completed fucking someone from every sign of the zodiac, haha. I am a Virgo and we are supposed to be a good match, though I’m not sure how much I’d actually read into that. 😉

I’m just waiting to find out his flaws. So far they seem few and far between. Maybe he’s a bit coldhearted on the job and kind of controlling but that hasn’t seemed to carry over to me, at least not yet. I’m having a hard time with the idea that he could be living a double life or married and lying about it because he just seems so blunt and honest that its hard to picture. I guess time will tell.

Enough about him though, I have to tell you a funny story about Radioman. The other day I went over to his place, kind of late at night. He had left the door unlocked for me and I walked upstairs to his bedroom, where he was sitting in the dark.

He grabbed me by the arm and hissed, “Come here! You have to see this!!” He handed me a a pair of binoculars and pointed across the street at his neighbors window. The light was on, the curtains were open and two people were clearly fucking. Radioman said “he’s been jackhammering her for a good 15 minutes!” He was all excited about it and like “I KNEW my neighbor was a freak!” He even pulled out a SCOPE so the both of us could see at the same time.

It was like something out of the movies, haha. Men really do this?! The woman was white and the man looked to maybe be hispanic. Radioman said he’d suspected she liked men of color. He’s clearly obsessed, lol.

He also commented about what a nosy neighbor she is. He’s clearly oblivious to the irony of that statement! Haha It cracked me up though!

He told me that later on he talked with her and she mentioned being drunk that night. She didn’t seem to suspect that he’d seen anything. Maybe that’s why the curtains were open but sheesh… that’s almost inviting people to look! The bar she had been at is also popular with some of the swingers in this area, or so I’ve heard (its right down the road from where Radioman lives). I didn’t say anything about that though.

They eventually turned off the light and we got to our own activities. 😉 Radioman is still pretty fun but he’s starting to get possessive. He told me he doesn’t want me having sex with anyone else. Only, he said “we don’t have to be boyfriend or girlfriend or anything and if you want to bring other women over that is fine”. I’m so not agreeing to that. Typical.

Oh, and another update- remember the man I fucked after the funeral? A couple times we halfheartedly texted each other and talked of maybe meeting, but it never went anywhere. Then, all of a sudden I see that he is “in a relationship” with a girl I also reconnected with at that funeral! Lol They are like constantly posting pictures together on Facebook and saying how in love and happy they are! That was fast, but I’m not mad. 😉

I also got hit up by the Producer, a few days before his wedding, on the swinger site. I couldn’t respond, but I have no doubt that he plans on cheating. He told me before that the new woman is not open to swinging. Why am I not surprised?

My DREAM open relationship

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All this relationship talk about the Cohort has me pondering some things lately. I’ve been thinking about what it is that I really WANT, what my DREAM relationship would look like, and what I think I could handle. I am pretty sure, at this point in my life, that a traditional monogamous thing wouldn’t be for me. Yet, there are things I crave that you can’t find just fucking around all the time.

The Cohort and I have been having some interesting discussions. He KEEPS bringing up marriage and babies, which has me pretty confused because he also is still saying he can’t handle that with me, due to my kids. It’s like, okay, then why do you keep talking about it??? Of course, I come as a package deal and he knows that.

I really like him too, which is not helping me think straight!! I mean, I like him enough that, yes, I could see those things with him for sure, just not in a “traditional” way. Not because of him, necessarily, but because of both of us, and our inclinations to have sex with different people. I don’t see us getting seriously monogamous and being able to sustain that for any length of time.

He took me out to lunch, recently, and sat there and asked me if I could handle having another baby. I said “not as a single mom”. He was like (dead serious) “NO LOVERGIRL, that is NOT what I asked you”. Uhhhh… yeah that would be a totally different scenario than what I have going on now!

Then we got into this long discussion another night where he again reiterated that he didn’t feel he could take on the responsibilities involved with raising my kids. Again, I have never asked him to do this, but the topic keeps coming up. So I asked him if he meant “NEVER” and he hesitated and said probably never. Boundary set, right? I’m STILL not 100% sure due to his seemingly contradictory behavior.

He admitted to having feelings for me. He says he just doesn’t want to take it to THAT level and I do understand that. So, I’m acting accordingly. Still he calls and texts me a lot and we spend a lot of time together, doing a lot of relationship type stuff. Oh, and he clearly wants to get married and have babies…with SOMEONE!

Anyhow, he also brought up swinging and that he felt bad that I didn’t play at some of the parties. He said he wanted me to be able to have fun too. I had to let him know that I DID have fun, that there really weren’t guys at the one party that I wanted to play with anyhow and that I don’t think like a man. Yes, I like sex but I’m not there to fuck as many people as possible in one night, unless I actually find them attractive.

As for the other party, I admitted that the Host had said he didn’t feel we could play with him there. He didn’t like that but understood about guys not wanting to step on his toes. He said we would have to find a way to make it clear to people when it is okay, but that he also feels uncomfortable with “inviting” other men to fuck me. Still, he is adamant that he would like to see me be able to play too. So I think there is hope for us sometimes at these parties. 😉

I probably was too worried about his reaction to me playing, due to my experiences with other guys. He may be totally okay with it all. He said he’d been a little concerned that my not playing meant I was hoping for him to reciprocate and I said no, that wasn’t it at all. It’s not, I’ve actually not been bothered by him playing with other women, thus far, probably because I am totally sure he likes ME so I don’t feel threatened. According to him, he wants me to tell him if I ever DO feel jealous, which kind of sounds like a bad idea, lol, but I guess we will see if that ever happens.

All of these discussions, plus a wedding that the Cohort attended this weekend (he kept talking about it beforehand),all had me thinking about what I would REALLY want, if I could snap my fingers and have that perfect, dream scenario. I don’t think my little dream is THAT unique, since I have heard of others wanting something similar, but it’s definitely not “traditional”.

I shared it with the Cohort, with the caveat that I wasn’t expecting HIM to fulfill any of this. He liked it and said it was interesting, he could relate to a lot of it. I think I may have shocked him a little. Sometimes, I think people know what and how I am thinking, and forget that they really don’t. He was surprised when I told him before, that I wasn’t on the lookout for something monogamous. SMFH

What I said was that in my dream world, I would be in a serious, but not monogamous, relationship with Mr. Dream Guy, whoever that may be. He would be someone that wanted and could handle living with me and my children (eventually) and who would treat them well. To the outside world, it would look and seem like a typical relationship, we might even get married.

However, we would both have the freedom to play as we wanted with other people. No one would know this, of course, except maybe really close friends and, of course, the people we were playing with.

I said I would probably have a couple of guys that I played with occasionally, besides him. They would be tried and true people, that I knew were cool and could be trusted and fun in bed. (Of course, when I told this to the Cohort he focused on this, of all things- haha- he was like, you want guys who can bang you well!!) The guy would be able to play with whoever too, but we would put each other first.

Of course he would have to like ME the best and we would have to be really into each OTHER. We wouldn’t let other people get crazy attached or cause any issues. I would prefer if he weren’t TOO attached to the other women, but I also wouldn’t want him to be a jerk to them or treat them badly or anything. Just, they would have to know boundaries and so would the guys.

I’d want some emotional exclusivity, though not sexual. I think I would want us to tell each other what we were up to in GENERAL but maybe not notify every time we were playing. Occasionally, we would do something wild, just for fun… a swinger party or some group sex TOGETHER.

BUT we’d do the whole family thing too! Maybe even have a baby or two (I know people think that’s crazy but I’d happily have more babies if I had the money and a supportive husband/co-parent). The kids wouldn’t know what was up and we wouldn’t play with others at our house. That would have to be at hotels, or their house or parking garages or whatever else we could come up with. If we could afford it, even maybe a small apartment for that purpose that we sometimes went to together too, just for fun. 🙂

Of course we’d both be totally okay with everything and trust each other and communicate. I’m sure if I were pregnant and having babies I’d slow down on playing some but we’d still have an open agreement. We would also make sure to spend time together, and go out at least once or twice a week but we would be able to have our space and hang out with the girls/guys and do some other things without each other too.

I also told him that if I got married again I think I’d skip a lot of the stress and just go elope on a beach somewhere or something. I had the whole traditional wedding the first time around and I couldn’t wait for it to be over and go on my honeymoon. Way too much work, stress and money that was basically to please other people, in my case! He said he thought either a beach or that it would be fun to get married at a nice hotel in Vegas, that he’d seen some simple but elegant weddings done there before. ANYHOW, he wasn’t referring to anyone in particular, I don’t think, just threw that one in there. LOL

I finally decided to tell him all this stuff, not because I expect HIM to be a part of it but because I wanted to be honest about what I really want. Honest with myself, and with others. Right now, to me, that is what sounds like a dream. I don’t know that I could ever find it or that a guy would be TOTALLY on board with all of it, but hey, its a nice little fantasy. Who knows? 😉

“Relationship” ruminations

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I’ve been spending a lot of time with the Cohort lately. If it’s not a “relationship” (because it seems like no one ever wants that title with me) then I don’t know what the hell else to call it. In any case, we’ve been hanging out a lot.

A couple of weeks ago he took me out for drinks with his best friend and his wife again. We had fun and they were inviting “us” to further activities together. The Cohort later said it kind of freaked him out that his friend seemed to be pushing the whole relationship thing, but nevertheless he took me out again with them and some other friends, soon after, to a Sushi bar.

Later that night, we went to a swinger party at the Host’s house. I’d double checked with him beforehand to make sure it wouldn’t be awkward for me to show up with another guy and he said that was no problem. He said never to worry about stuff like that with him.

What’s kind of funny is that I didn’t end up playing with anyone, even though the Host and one of the cousins I have fucked a few times, were both there. The Cohort and I only played with each other, on a cot in a back room. We’d talked beforehand and he’d told me he assumed I’d play and that it would be okay.

The Host, at one point, came up to me, and another woman and asked if we were ready to pop things off with some group sex. We both kind of shrugged and were like “sure” but then he says “no, you can’t, your man couldn’t handle it”. I was like “he says he can” and he looked at me and shook his head.

He said “no, he can’t. I see the way he looks at you. Trust me. He can’t handle it. That’s your man.” He was being serious and acting as though he was actually concerned about the Cohort’s feelings. He said something similar a second time and another woman who was there questioned him. She was like “don’t you think he can make that decision for himself?” But the Host said he could tell.

I’m not really sure what he saw that made him say that. I’m curious though. I think he may be right, honestly, and I’m kind of afraid of that. I really like this guy and the last thing I want to do is mess it all up by fucking someone else and having him see me in a different light. I think that’s why I’ve been holding back at parties lately. Heck, I’ve been holding back pretty much everywhere. I haven’t slept with anyone else in over 3 weeks.

I know its OKAY for me to do and I haven’t made any promises otherwise. I know HE has still been fucking this married woman and looking around on Craigslist. Still, I’ve kind of been shutting out other men.

Part of it I think is just natural (for me) when I’m falling for someone. My focus is really more in one place and the other men in my life start to get neglected. I was kind of like that with the Professor too. I sort of had to MAKE myself fuck other people.

I’m not as sure in this case that I want to do that. Part of me is going well yeah, duh, you need to fuck other people because he is and otherwise you are really going to get hurt! On the other hand though, I’m really happy with him (plus we’ve been having a TON of sex, lol) and other guys are starting to seem less appealing.

Not all of them…Mr Firm is still very appealing to me, lol, and I would fuck him in a heartbeat, but he’s kind of exceptional. He still is a little further away though and our schedules haven’t meshed.

Of course, the Host did whisper in my ear when he hugged me goodbye that he’d like to meet up later in the week. When he texted I was unable to make it but he’s since been looking at my swinger profile and I think winked at me (I’m not a paid member so cant say for sure but I suspect it was him). I’m not going to say I wouldn’t fuck him, at some point I probably would.

The Married Man still texts me almost every weekday wanting to have sex. We haven’t for a long time though. Mainly because he doesn’t seem to want to get a hotel and is always suggesting his house (like first thing in the morning when I’m barely out of bed) or a freaking parking garage. I’m kind of like meh….maybe not. Even though I know the sex would be great….well, maybe not in a parking garage, it’s hard to say. One thing I will say about that man though, is he is persistent! LOL We will see…

The Pilot showed up the other day. Long story short, he’d kind of pissed me off again. He had promised to pay babysitting when we were going out the last time and didn’t. So he shows up, like 6 weeks later, saying he hasn’t forgotten, and paid me double. Hmmm…. He took me out to brunch at the IHOP too. I am pretty sure he was hinting at sex afterwards but he didn’t come out and say it outright and ended up taking me home. I haven’t heard from him since then but I am sure I will again.

The Poly guy…..I think that may be coming to an end. I’m just not feeling him or the whole situation. He’s not really coming through as a Sugar Daddy either and that’s the part I was liking the best. Boooo!

Soooo… back to the Cohort. In addition to working for him, he’s been paying me to cook him meals a couple of times a week. Of course that virtually always turns into a long sex session. On top of that we’ve been doing other things, taking walks together, meeting for lunch near his work, going out, hanging out on the couch to watch movies, you name it.

I let him make all the plans and do the calling to get together. I don’t want to push ANYTHING but it has been kind of “couply”. Oh, and the other day over lunch he tells me he needs to have a baby! He made a comment about how he is getting older (he’s 35) and I’m like you still have plenty of time. He said he does but not so much the women he’s with.

He later commented that he was probably going to end up getting some hood rat pregnant, or maybe a girl from (mytown). Hmmm…. Did I mention he has cum in me a few times? He acted like it was by accident, but he didn’t apologize. He only said “sorry for yelling in your ear,” lmao ;). I’m not pregnant, I’m on my period right now, but I have to admit a part of me would be happy, if it was with him.

Maybe that’s another reason I’ve been less likely to fuck around as of late. Because if anything did happen like that, I’d know for damn sure whose it was. The other guys I’ve been with more recently have been wearing condoms too, or like the Host, has a vasectomy.

The Married woman that the Cohort sleeps with has been getting a little jealous. She commented to him that I am going to think he wants something serious with the way he has been treating me. He told me this and I’m like why is it any of her effing business? I asked if he was going to let her dictate what we do together and he said of course not and that he agrees she is probably upset because he doesn’t take her out with his friends or do couple things with her.

She has a point, I guess, even though I find her sticking her nose into whatever we are doing annoying. He DOES kind of treat me like he wants more, even though he claimed to be unsure about the whole thing. So I’m still a bit confused. I’m trying not to hope too much or expect ANYTHING, though my sister was telling me recently that her current boyfriend (they are about to move in together and he’s taken on the Daddy role with her kids) kept saying in the beginning that he didn’t know if he could handle a relationship because of the kids either. Still, he said he didn’t know if he could handle it, and that very well may be the truth.

In the meantime, we are having a lot of fun so I don’t want to let worrying about that ruin it all. He did make a comment, asking if it was “bad” that he is “flattered” that I haven’t been playing around that made me kind of wonder if he really would rather I didn’t. Still, no promises. I tried to clarify with him whether or not he wants me to TELL him when I fuck around and he was vague so I am taking that as a no! If he asked, though, I wouldn’t want to lie.

He tells me a lot, about what he is doing with other women or if he’s put up a Craigslist ad or something, but I’m not sure it’s everything. I don’t mind and really, with him, kind of prefer to know. I feel better that he’s so open about things, no surprises. So far I’ve been able to handle it pretty well, so I guess that’s a good thing.

I guess time will tell if the Host was right about him…if I ever get to fucking around again! Kidding, I know I will eventually, there’s no promise of commitment, plus I honestly don’t think either of us is the type that would want to keep THAT up long term even if we DID get in a “relationship”. He’s admitted, on his end that his “monogamous” relationships always ended because of him cheating and I know that I would get restless after awhile too. At this point in my life I think I can admit that.

Communication with the Cohort

pillow-talk-toni-thorne

 

I’ve been hanging out with the Cohort quite a bit lately. Last night we went to a swinger party. I’m really liking him and the way he handles situations with me. We seem to be on the same page about a lot of things.

He SEEMS to be indicating that he wants a more “serious” relationship with me. By “serious” I do not mean “monogamous”. A lot of the things he says and does, though, seem to indicate he wants something more long term. I’m okay with that. Very okay with that. 🙂 But I’m not going to push it.

I’m excited, but tentative. I know there are a lot of things that might hold a man back from wanting anything other than just sex with me. Still, so far he does not seem intimidated, so we will see. He keeps saying I seemed to have come into his life at just the right time, when he was on the fence regarding monogamy vs. swinging. I guess I’m like the perfect compromise. 😉

We had a good talk before going to the party. Our final decision was that we would be free to play separately, rather than try to find the perfect people to play with together. No handcuffing one another. We COULD also play together if there were a group situation going down. He even let me know he’d be okay with threesomes, whether they were with me and another girl, or me and another guy (see why I’m liking this guy??). If one of us were going off or using the hotel room (the party was held at a hotel), we’d text to let the other know where we were at.

He got a room with double beds, one would be for play and the other kept clean for us to sleep on. At the end of the night it would be just he and I in there and no one else allowed to stay. If any gangbang situations went down, I probably wouldn’t be a part of it, though he might.

I didn’t even tell him about the gangbang thing the other night. A couple of guys (including Mr. Firm) advised me not to if I’m thinking more serious with him. I’m not obligated to tell him what I do at this point outside of at parties, and why risk possibly upsetting him?

So I said nothing about that, BUT he knows I have had negative experiences in the past. We’ve talked about it. What’s kind of ironic is that he’s been in a LOT of gangbangs. Like, more than your average Joe, haha. He was involved in some things that actually ended up being a big scandal that I can’t talk about on my blog. In any case, it was all consensual and not pushed. I like that he has been very open with me about that.

Anyhow, in keeping with the gangbang theme, some kind of crazy stuff came out right before this party went down last night. In fact, right after we pulled up to the hotel and were walking across the parking lot to check in. SOMEHOW, we had gotten to talking about this girl he used to date that went to my high school. Through her, he had met some people from my hometown.

He just happened to bring up, this one guy he said he had met, who really got on his nerves. There was some situation where he happened to be in a bar, with the ex girlfriend from my town, but they were no longer dating. He had temporarily broken up with this other girl he was dating and she happened to be there too.

Okay, so THIS GUY was trying to hit on her and telling the Cohort he was going to get her, without knowing that it was a girl he had been seeing. I guess he wasn’t saying because he was there with the other girl. In any case she was shutting him down (I’m guessing more because he was there watching than anything ) and dude was really starting to get to him.

ANYHOW, this is all important only because guess who the guy was??? The freaking guy I was IN LOVE with way back when I was 18, (before I met my ex husband) and who massively hurt me by trying to push me into a gangbang when we were dating.

I mean it was awful. We were in a hotel room, I was naked, because I’d had sex with him. These other guys (10-15 of them) had come in the room and they stole my clothes. I didn’t end up doing anything with them because I started crying and asking him not to let them touch me. He finally ended up telling them to back off, putting his clothes on me and driving me home in his underwear. But not after trying to coerce me into doing it by telling me if I “really loved” him I would.

It was pretty traumatic at the time. I don’t even like talking about it too much here on my blog because I know a lot of people would not understand some of it or why I would even have fallen for this guy in the first place. He was also there when I was 15 and the first time I ever actually got involved in a gangbang.

That time it was most definitely not something I wanted to do. He was the one standing there saying “man, she’s scared, I don’t want to do this” over and over again, but he’d gone along with it. He was 19 at the time, at least one of the other guys was 21…I don’t even want to get into it. The reason it is even relevant is that he brought it up in the second scenario (after we’d continued fucking for 3 years) and was like “you’ve done it before” as part of his reasoning that I would do it again.

Please, if you are reading this and it upsets you, I understand, but don’t tell me what I “should” have done in those situations or regarding dating him later on. I know. I was young and made a lot of bad decisions that I can’t go back and change now. Like it or not, a few years down the road I fell in love with this guy, and I mean hard. It took me years to get over what happened with him.

Honestly, I don’t think he did much better. He would try to sabotage my dating other guys after that. Like any time he would see me out at a club or something, he would try to get the guy alone and tell him I had a boyfriend, make threats to him, or tell lies about me to keep him away. He even did that to the guy I had the affair with (who is his half brother, complicated, I know).

He tries to malign me. 20 years later. Its all kinds of fucked up. Especially because he will still like, poke me on Facebook. He did it again a couple of days ago. He’s tried asking me out for drinks too and I shut him down in sort of a mean way (not that he didn’t deserve it). Yet I’ve been friendly other times and even have him on my Facebook page. Don’t ask, lol. It will never make sense. I made the mistake of having sex with him ONE time, after the incident too, despite everything. It was the day before I went away for college and I haven’t seen him since.

Ugh. I’m sure that was painful to read. It paints my decisions in a pretty bad light (and they were) as well as the guys involved. That may be true but I was young and dumb and sometimes you just do stupid stuff.

SO, when the Cohort brought him up I was like OMG, no…not him…hahahaha. Of ALL freaking people! When I first said I knew him he asked “did you fuck him?” and said he had heard this guy was running through all kinds of women. I said yes and he said (jokingly-not serious at all) “Man, I just lost a little bit of respect for you”. I told him that doesn’t even scratch the surface and let him drag it out of me that we had dated.

Later on, sometime in the middle of the night, and after some drinks, we got to talking about this again and it all came out. The whole story about this guy. To my relief, he took it like a champ. 😉 He wasn’t bothered by it at all and didn’t bat an eye when I said I’d gone back and fucked him again or any of the other messed up stuff.

His reaction was “you are ‘well traveled’…I like that about you, you’re a good girl” (makeout session) Ha… He said the only person it made him think worse of is the guy, who he already didn’t like, lol. He said it helped him understand my leeriness towards the whole gangbang thing too, that none of the ones he has been involved with had ever been like that. The women always were fully on board.

It felt good to get all that off my chest, to someone who wasn’t judgmental about it. A lot of men would be. Apparently not him though. He reminds me a little bit of Mr. Firm. I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot between the two of them, for real. 🙂

I mentioned Mr. Firm to him, briefly, because there is a very slight possibility he could be at this lake party we are planning to go to soon. I wanted him to know if he is, that is someone I’d definitely want to have some time with. His reaction was “I can tell you like this guy by the tone of your voice” lol. I said well, yeah, he is a good guy and I don’t have a negative word to say about him. He just said he was glad that I was associating with good men now (yeah, he still doesn’t know about that other night, but whatever, I’m done with Cousin 3 and his crew for sure).

So, its all good. The party went pretty well. He played but I didn’t. It was with a woman I knew he would play with beforehand, a married woman he has known longer than me. For a minute it bothered me, even though I knew it shouldn’t, and he didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve met her before and she seems nice and not catty or competitive.

I know she likes him and also that she fucked like 5 other men earlier in the week. He said he wasn’t going to lie that kind of threw HIM off for a bit even though they aren’t like boyfriend/girlfriend but any time you are fucking someone it can mess with your emotions a bit. I get that, totally. I think probably everyone has feelings like that, even though hearing about him feeling jealous over someone else maybe gave me a little twinge too. Things can get kind of complicated in the Lifestyle, lol.

Afterwards, he made a point of paying attention to, and reconnecting with me, so that helped. He wanted to talk about how I felt about it and said he’d kind of rushed things with her and not even cum because he was worried about getting back to me. So we still have some things to iron out there, but its nice to have open communication about it.

I COULD have played but I chose not to. While he was gone I danced and talked with another guy but I just wasn’t feeling him. He didn’t appear to be trying to get me back to his room at first and was just talking about taking me to dinner (eyeroll) and I admit a part of me wanted to push for it, just to even the “score” and because the Cohort was fucking someone and it felt unfair. Despite those passing thoughts, when the dude jokingly slipped his hotel room key down the cleavage of my dress, I didn’t bite. I didn’t want to play with someone just for that reason.

Anyhow, I got lots of playtime in with the Cohort that night as well as talking about everything under the sun. There wasn’t a lot of sleeping going on, lol. We went out for breakfast in the morning and I’m feeling pretty good about it all.

It’s raining men! :D

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Wow, so much going on lately it is getting hard to keep up with my blog! Nevertheless, I am determined to keep you all up to date. Life in Lovergirl Land has been pretty interesting.

I’ll start with my latest adventures with the Cohort. He has been a lot of fun to hang out with. This guy keeps me laughing and laughing when I am with him. Last night we went out to a couple of vanilla bars together with some of his non-lifestyle friends and had a great time, as well as a night full of good sex and conversation.

He’s very emotionally honest and tells me what he is thinking and feeling. I’m really liking that a lot. It was especially helpful when we went to our first swinger party together.

I was on my period and we decided beforehand that the most I would do, would be give blowjobs, to him or anyone else. The party was small, only about 30 people, and I didn’t end up playing with anyone other than him, but it wasn’t because of him trying to hold me back. He says he is going to try to make a point not to do that, even though sometimes he wonders how it would make him feel to watch me have sex with someone else.

At the party, there was a woman that he sometimes plays with, who is married. They started out playing with her husband around, but she has snuck over to his place to play over her lunch break and that makes him feel a little guilty. She sucked his dick at the party, as did I, but it wasn’t to completion. No one has ever made him cum with a blow job anyhow, but he says that knowing I was there and unable to play, made him feel a little awkward too.

It honestly didn’t bother ME at all and I don’t think would have if he fucked her there. Of course he had no way of knowing that for sure, but I was okay. I felt bad that I was on my period and unable to fuck him there that night, so may have even liked to see him be able to get off.

The only thing that irked me that night, was the Host. He was at the party, with another woman, and never even bothered to say hi. I only saw her from across the room, but she didn’t look all that cute or anything. He later claimed I had my back turned and he thought I was ignoring HIM. I’m not really buying that, but whatever.

Its hard to say what his actual reasons were. I guess it could have been anything, from jealousy over the Cohort, to just being an asshole. He has since texted me, and I didn’t even respond. I don’t hate him or anything but wonder if I should drop him off my list of current men.

It’s just offensive that he didn’t say hi. It’s not like the two of us don’t know each other, and I don’t think he’s embarrassed of me. I mean he had me helping him host his parties! Now I hear the Redhead is doing that instead. She’s also been super buddy-buddy with the old guy and his wife that I wasn’t wanting to fuck. Good for her, I’m just not attracted.

He still wants to fuck me, and hits me up over text, but I’m not trying to be fuck buddies with someone who doesn’t give me basic acknowledgement in public. It would be different if he were married or something, but he’s not. I don’t know. It’s still up in the air because I do like the sex and he is conveniently close, but I don’t want to have to stoop down low to do it.

Speaking of the Redhead, she told me a crazy story. This guy, who had been texting me for a little bit, and with whom she used to have a couples profile with, made threats to her, and she had to get a restraining order against him and have him thrown in jail for a short time. He’s the one that was sending me countless needy texts, that I had to ask to quit bothering me. Yay, for my stalker sense going into high gear, and Mr. Firm advising me to drop him like a hot potato! 😉

Okay, now speaking of THIS guy (the Psycho Stalker), the Pilot and I met with HIS brother, and his brother’s wife the other day. We were thinking couple swap, but the Pilot said he didn’t want to have any expectations.

They are a cute couple, in their mid twenties, good looking and we had a good time, but nobody got naked. Well, that’s not entirely true. The Pilot and I fucked in the bathroom of their apartment and then again in the parking lot, but they didn’t join in the fun.

We spent our time playing parlour games, drinking and chatting, and once the guy offered me a molly. I declined…I’ve never done those and don’t want to. Now that I’m a mom I pretty much avoid doing any drugs and stick to a few glasses of alcohol. I’m not judging those that do and back in the day I smoked my share of pot, plus tried a few other things, just now I don’t mess with it.

After we left the guy was texting “why did you two leave, my wife and I wanted to play with you guys”. :p I wasn’t really that surprised, but it was annoying that no one made the first move. It IS kind of awkward when there are two couples, because then who is supposed to do it? If one of the men starts going after the female half of the other couple, it runs a risk of someone getting upset. So I do kind of understand. Yet, neither she nor I, is the type to get aggressive with a guy and start things off.

The Pilot was kissing on ME, pulling me onto his lap and obviously showing interest in SOMETHING going on (plus they had to know we were fucking in the bathroom) but the other guy and his wife weren’t touching each other. So that made it less likely too. Like if they had been making out as well, maybe somehow we could have gotten things going.

Mr. Firm says in those types of scenarios, he just starts getting naked, lol. He’s so awesome. 🙂 I saw him the other day too and WOW!!!! THE SEX, OMFG, it is BEYOND amazing!! I don’t even know how it’s possible, but it seemed even better than before!!

He’s at that scary level, like the kind that Alexyss Tylor warns about in her Penis Power videos, that I talked about before. I’d better watch out! LOL 😉 That man could have me acting all kinds of a fool, if he wanted to.

Even one time, during the sex, he had me bent over on my hands and knees, and was making me cum from fucking me doggystyle, as well as with his hand rubbing on my clit. I was so overloaded with pleasure, I was about to tap out, and he kinda laughed and said “you don’t even know what to do, do you?” Yeeahhh…. He knows!! 😉

Thankfully, he seems to be a man that can be trusted with all that power. I’m so impressed with him as a person and with how he treats me, and responds to me. I haven’t got a single negative thing to say. If I’m going to lose control with anyone, I want it to be him. 😉

Now for the Poly guy. The plot thickens. I swear he has got to be married!

He had me meet him the other day, at lunch time, so he could give me one of his employee gas cards to drive my kids to their dads house. Guess where we met? At the girlfriends place again. Only this time she wasn’t there.

I asked him about it and he said he owns 5 rental houses. She lives in one of them and he stays there “some of the time”. He said he likes his privacy so he doesn’t always.

One seemingly random thing that stands out to me about some of these men is that they all seem to have rental houses! Mr. Firm, the Pilot, the Married Man and Mr. Poly, all have rental properties. Guys that have rental properties are probably fucking like crazy. Now I have to wonder if they are all fucking IN the rental homes…. 😉

In her house he has a playroom. Its an extra bedroom with its own lock and key (the house has 5 bedrooms). According to him they are planning on putting in cameras, so she can watch him fuck women from the other room, if she wants to, and also record if the people agree to it. They have toys and restraints and stuff in there too, he said, though I didn’t see any of it.

He said that other women have to “earn” the right to be in her bedroom with them, like I was the other night, but that he knew she liked me, so he brought me in. Uhhh..if you say so, but seriously, don’t I just feel soooo special “earning” the special right to play in their bedroom? Pssshhh…

While she is gone he has agreed only to fuck women in the playroom. They have all these “rules” and honestly to me, it is an annoyance. Maybe if he wasn’t flat out telling me, but it doesn’t make me feel all that great. Its almost like “know your place, you are just a secondary” and that is kind of offensive.

Oh, and he keeps planning these big nights out over the weekend, then cancels. Married man kind of flakiness, I’m telling you. That and he often doesn’t answer a text in the evenings but he’s hounding me during the day and spending money on me. Hmmmmm….

In any case, it left me free to have a fun night with the Cohort, followed by breakfast at the IHOP in the morning. We stayed up all night long and barely got any sleep. Good times, and he was killing me pointing out the folks who looked like they were doing the walk of shame there, haha.

Thank God I was able to get a shower in the morning. I’m exhausted though and supposed to meet with the guy who took me out to the art walk a few weeks ago. He is grilling steaks for us this afternoon. Ta- ta for now!

Why do I “prefer” black men?

interracial couple in bed

This is one of those posts that has the potential to upset and offend just about everyone in some way or another, so I’ve been procrastinating, lol, but there have been a couple of times I said I would write it up.  So, here you go, in question and answer format. 

Most of these are real questions that people have asked at some time or another.  Don’t expect them to be politically correct and I can’t be responsible for other people’s thought processes.  Some, I find offensive too, but I’m going to attempt to answer them anyhow. I’m a big fan of DISCUSSING things rather than shushing people up and telling them they are wrong to ask. 

I’m writing it out in this manner because I think the assumptions people make can be really crazy and so far off from the truth.  Sometimes I understand why they might think a certain way and others I am just shaking my head.  Still, its not like everyone doesn’t wonder.  Maybe YOU were too afraid to ask ;). 

Ever since high school, I’ve been getting this:
Lovergirl, why don’t you ever date white guys?

Who says I don’t?  Why would they assume this?  Mostly it’s…white guys..who ask.  I guess its true, that even back then, the majority of the guys I dated were black.  Still, I’m a never say never kind of girl, especially when it comes to things like sex.  😉

Just for fun, I sat down and figured out the actual percentages for you.  Yeah, I was feeling like a nerd. 😉  This is the breakdown of guys I “count” as having had sex with (invoking the Bill Clinton clause-it doesn’t include oral).  Here are my pussy’s demographics:

Black- 75%
White- 13.23%
Asian- 1.47%
Latino- 2.94%
Mixed race- 7.35%

In every case the “mixed” group was a mix of black and white. 

Actually, the first guy I ever had sex with was white, followed by the second guy, who was Asian and then the third, who was black.  Bam! Bam! Bam!  Got that out of the way as soon as I could, hahaha. 😉  I’m playing. I honestly didn’t even think about it at the time, though now it is kind of cool to be able to say I’ve tasted the rainbow. 🙂

Anyhow, we’ve established that its not “never”.  I’ve always been kinda bugged by people who say they would “never” date someone of a different race, but it’s even more weird when you apply that to your own!  How can you block out an entire race of people from your sexual realm of possibility, and how lame is it to discount your OWN freaking race??  WTF??

Honestly, it bothers me when I hear black men say they won’t date black women and I fully understand why some black women get pissed.  The other day at the swinger party where I was talking with two women, a white guy (the one I had just given a blow job to, actually) walked out the door and they both commented that he was cute but they couldn’t fuck him.  The one girl said “I just can’t do white guys anymore” and the other agreed.  They were both white.  I kept my mouth shut but inwardly I was rolling my eyes.

HOWEVER, that said, I clearly do have a preference.  My general preference is black men.  That is USUALLY what I am attracted to.  It’s actually a very strong preference, as you can see from my numbers above.  I sometimes don’t want to admit it, like when the Professor was looking at my swinger site emails and noticed “you don’t even open the white guys’ mail!” That wasn’t entirely true though, I just hadn’t opened MOST of their mail, lol.

Is it because you hate your dad and are trying to get back at him?

This one is kind of entertaining.  Because, well, I didn’t really know my dad until I was a teenager and in the meantime, I had three stepdads.  The first one was white, the second was from South America and the third was black. 

I hated my third stepdad, and still do, but the last way I would try to “get back” at him would be to date black men.  So, hopefully that answers the question as to whether I would date that way because I was “close” to my stepfather too.  NOPE. 

If my black stepfather had been my only exposure to black men and I was one to assume they were all like him, I’d be a racist bitch.  It didn’t happen that way though, thankfully.  Maybe because I was around enough OTHER family members, who were also black, to not make those kinds of assumptions.

I always felt like I was treated like part of the family, for the most part.  While some of his family weren’t too keen on the fact that he was married to a white woman, they didn’t take it out on ME, because I was a kid.  I was just thrown into the mix with the zillions of cousins running around and really no one seemed to think much of it.

Is it because black guys have bigger dicks?

I’ve gone over this one in my post Big Black Men, Is it True?  So if you haven’t read that, head over there.  The answer is no.  That really has nothing to do with it at all.  When white guys tell me they are “black below the belt” it doesn’t turn me on.  I’m just shaking my head.

Is it because you fucked black guys at a young age and “once you go black you never go back?”

Again, I am a never say never kind of girl, remember?  Even after sleeping with a lot of black guys, I went away to an almost totally white college and guess who I fucked there?  White guys!  In fact, that is where I met my ex husband, who was white.

I get this question more from black men than white ones, actually.  What was really entertaining was after I first met my ex husband and went back home for the summer. 

When I first came back, some girlfriends and I went over to this guy’s house.  There were probably like 15 people over there hanging out.  Maybe 5 girls and 10 guys, all of whom were black (except me).  One of the guys asked who I was dating and I told them about my ex.

He thought that was crazy and announced “Lovergirl is dating a white dude!!!” Soon, the attention was all on me, while he and a few of the other guys grilled me right and left and totally made fun of that fact. 

He was like “you aren’t really dating a white guy, you can’t date a white guy! Once you go black you NEVER go back”.  The girls had to jump in “how can you tell her she can’t date a white guy??  She’s white!  You act like she’s black or something!!”  He asked “what’s his name?” and I told him his name and he starts busting out laughing and all the guys are “that is such a white name, hahahaha”.  I said “he’s white!” lmao “what do you expect??  You want his parents to give him a black name?” hahaha

The teasing went on for awhile, with the guys telling me he was probably cheating on me and me saying “no he isn’t”.  The girls were like “he’s not cheating on her!  He’s white!!”  and the guys were saying he was probably doing so right at that very moment.  :p  Then they threatened to call my ex boyfriend, the crazy drug dealer one, and tell him the news.  They were pretending to pick up the phone and I was all “go ahead!!  Why would he care, I’m not talking to him anymore anyway”.   

The whole thing ended with the guy whose house we were at telling me I “even look more white” and pretending to sneer at me, lmao.  Then he was like “you’ll be back…wait”.  Hahaha  I guess I can’t argue about that. 😉

Hold on, wait.  You have sex with all these black guys and then the guy you chose to MARRY was white?  Is this some sort of latent racism?  Did you think he was better marriage material and a better person to make babies with because of his whiteness?

No.  It wasn’t because he was white that I married him.  I actually always wanted to have a biracial baby, because of my little brother and sister.  When they were born I was a young teenager and took care of them all the time.  I thought they were the cutest things on earth and adored my younger siblings.  I totally wanted a mixed race baby, lol. 

However, I DID think my ex husband was completely different from all the other guys I had been with and more “marriage material”.  So this question gave me a pause for just a minute.  Why did I think that?  Was it more than just the fact that he had been the one to ASK me to get married or that his parents kind of pressured us in that direction?  I never dated any black guys whose parents were pressuring them to marry a white girl, btw, lol. 

If there was ONE stereotype I think I had in my head at the time regarding black men, it was that “black men always cheat”.  I know that this is probably unfair, and of course not always true, but it is what it is.  I’d grown up with that imbedded into my brain, mainly from black women!  Not to mention I’d had quite a few experiences of being cheated ON by black guys, including 3 who impregnated someone else whilst we were dating.

I didn’t want to marry someone who would cheat on me.  So I think in some way that probably DID factor into my decision at the time.  Now that I’m older and wiser I’d say everyone cheats, or they will, if they have the option.  If they have the option and don’t think they would get caught, years after being married…I suspect MOST men AND women, would cheat, black or white.

Shortly before I actually ended up cheating on my ex husband, I was emailing back and forth with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time on MySpace.  She is biracial and has 5 kids with like 5 different dads.  She was relaying a story of one of the dads, who had asked her to marry him and got her to come to another state and even gave her a ring, before she discovered that he was ALREADY married and had given her his current wife’s ring!  Nuts. 

She said “you’re lucky, you married a white guy, you don’t have to worry about him cheating on you”.  She went on to lament that she could never date a white guy herself.  I guess I’ll never know if my ex actually cheated on me but he did eventually fall in love with someone else, so there goes that theory down the drain!

Anyhow, sometimes I kind of wish I had married a black man.  For all the negative press black men get, I’m virtually always impressed by what great fathers the guys I see are.  I mean,  they go over and above, and I am so sad for my own children that they don’t have that.

I think a lot of black men, these days, make it a HUGE priority to be a good dad.  It’s like all their lives they have seen the negative effects in the black community and all the stereotypes and go completely the opposite direction.  I wish someone had drilled this into my ex husband’s head while they were knocking him over it with the Bible.  Sigh…

You must have a sexual “fetish” for black men.

I don’t think that is the case.  It’s true that I am more physically attracted, usually, to black men.  Why that is, I can’t say for sure.  I can say that there are plenty of black men I am NOT attracted to and that the ones I am, tend to fall into a very specific “type”.  So like any other “type” that a person has, mine is black men that fall into whatever attraction template I have.  Actually, I think I have a couple.  Most of the guys I see, look or act, in some way, like a man that I have liked previously.  I guess that is part of my natural selection bias.

I also prefer black men to date, not just for sex.  I tend to feel a lot more comfortable with black men and have more in common.  Maybe that is due to not having been around as many white guys growing up.  Even when I had the South American stepfather, most of the families we associated with were not white.  I sometimes have a harder time relating to white guys, despite being white myself.

Even with my ex husband, I never really felt “close” to him, whereas a lot of times I can talk better with black men and feel more understood.  Maybe it is because I don’t really have the same cultural background as most white men.  When I went away to an all white, country, college, it was actually kind of a culture shock for me.  The music, movies, and general attitude that I grew up with veered more towards black than white.  Not that I didn’t have white friends or go to predominately white schools, because I did, but at home it was different.

So what is it that you like about black men and why do you think you choose them?

This is the hard part, because I can’t write it without admitting to having some stereotypes.  I like to think I don’t, but I guess we all do to some extent, like it or not.  Here is the deal though, I have certain traits that I like and have come to look for in men.  In my experience, it is much EASIER to find what I am looking for in a black man. 

What I think it boils down to, is that I percieve black men as being more “Alpha” in general.  Before the white guys get too upset and disagree, let me explain.  It’s not that white guys don’t sometimes have “Alpha” characteristics or that ALL black men fit the description. It just seems, in our culture and at least, here in the U.S., that with white guys it’s something like 20% of the population versus 80% of black men.

Let’s say, for example, that I am looking for a man who is dominant in bed.  I go on a sex site and find 10 black guys and 10 white guys.  Probably 8 of the black men are going to fit that description, but only 2 of the white guys.  Since the majority of the population is white (and especially where I live now), if I just focus on the black men, I can get what I want a LOT faster and not have to filter through zillions of passive white dudes.  Plus, because there are few black men in this area, I have an even smaller group to narrow it down to.

Ever feel like you are totally overwhelmed at Walmart because there are sooo many choices to pick from, for something as basic as shampoo?  It’s like I don’t even know where to start and I don’t want to try each one to figure out if it (he) is what I am looking for.  Would be much faster to run around the corner to the place that only sells a few salon brands. 

Anyow, that might be a bad analogy because I usually do just grab a Walmart shampoo, lmao, and I like to try different ones. 😉  But hopefully, I’m making SOME sense. 

What are the traits that you associate more often with black men, that you like?

Well, we have established the more dominant part.  I think that tends to be true, both in and out of the bedroom.  Now get ready for the massive generalizations, but I find them to be mostly true in my experience.

In general, black men that I meet, are more likely to have some of the following characteristics:

Dress nicely (white European guys do this but in the U.S., white guys tend to think this is “gay”)
Take good care of their physique or are “athletic”
Meticulous hygeine
Clean freaks (I love this and you rarely come across black men that are slobs)
LIKE to talk about relationships, and sex (for some reason white guys don’t seem as interested in this a lot of times)
Less judgemental
More complimentary
Less emotionally reserved and more willing to talk about feelings
More protective
More of a gentleman in how they treat women
Less critical
More supportive, emotionally
Put more emphasis on family and ties to friends

AND…what I know you really want to know…IN the bedroom

More emotionally expressive and PASSIONATE
More appreciative of my body
More dominant and commanding
More sensual and “romantic”
Care more about my pleasure in a non-supplicating way
Less selfish
More experienced

OF COURSE-

There are plenty of lame black men out there too, but I do seem to be able to find what I am looking for more often and I do love the color contrast of dark skin on lighter skin in bed.  I’ve been with a couple of white guys that were good in bed but they didn’t open up as much.  I’ve also had a disproportionate amount of one night stands with white guys.  It’s like they are quicker to hit it and quit it or think of you as “slutty” afterwards. 

My other deal with the white guys I have come across on dating sites is that they seem to go to extremes.  It’s like they are either super passive or they go crazy with it and take “dominant” to mean rough, aggressive and MEAN, which I hate.  I once put out a Craigslist ad looking for a “freak” in the bedroom.  It was like all the black guys knew exactly what I meant but the white guys were talking about totally off the wall shit, involving all kinds of props and stuff that I would never want to do.  I don’t know, maybe that’s just part of the communication barrier I was talking about earlier.

I know some of you all are probably chomping at the bit by now, but these are just my observations, experiences and feelings.  Thoughts?