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Communication with the Cohort

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I’ve been hanging out with the Cohort quite a bit lately. Last night we went to a swinger party. I’m really liking him and the way he handles situations with me. We seem to be on the same page about a lot of things.

He SEEMS to be indicating that he wants a more “serious” relationship with me. By “serious” I do not mean “monogamous”. A lot of the things he says and does, though, seem to indicate he wants something more long term. I’m okay with that. Very okay with that. 🙂 But I’m not going to push it.

I’m excited, but tentative. I know there are a lot of things that might hold a man back from wanting anything other than just sex with me. Still, so far he does not seem intimidated, so we will see. He keeps saying I seemed to have come into his life at just the right time, when he was on the fence regarding monogamy vs. swinging. I guess I’m like the perfect compromise. 😉

We had a good talk before going to the party. Our final decision was that we would be free to play separately, rather than try to find the perfect people to play with together. No handcuffing one another. We COULD also play together if there were a group situation going down. He even let me know he’d be okay with threesomes, whether they were with me and another girl, or me and another guy (see why I’m liking this guy??). If one of us were going off or using the hotel room (the party was held at a hotel), we’d text to let the other know where we were at.

He got a room with double beds, one would be for play and the other kept clean for us to sleep on. At the end of the night it would be just he and I in there and no one else allowed to stay. If any gangbang situations went down, I probably wouldn’t be a part of it, though he might.

I didn’t even tell him about the gangbang thing the other night. A couple of guys (including Mr. Firm) advised me not to if I’m thinking more serious with him. I’m not obligated to tell him what I do at this point outside of at parties, and why risk possibly upsetting him?

So I said nothing about that, BUT he knows I have had negative experiences in the past. We’ve talked about it. What’s kind of ironic is that he’s been in a LOT of gangbangs. Like, more than your average Joe, haha. He was involved in some things that actually ended up being a big scandal that I can’t talk about on my blog. In any case, it was all consensual and not pushed. I like that he has been very open with me about that.

Anyhow, in keeping with the gangbang theme, some kind of crazy stuff came out right before this party went down last night. In fact, right after we pulled up to the hotel and were walking across the parking lot to check in. SOMEHOW, we had gotten to talking about this girl he used to date that went to my high school. Through her, he had met some people from my hometown.

He just happened to bring up, this one guy he said he had met, who really got on his nerves. There was some situation where he happened to be in a bar, with the ex girlfriend from my town, but they were no longer dating. He had temporarily broken up with this other girl he was dating and she happened to be there too.

Okay, so THIS GUY was trying to hit on her and telling the Cohort he was going to get her, without knowing that it was a girl he had been seeing. I guess he wasn’t saying because he was there with the other girl. In any case she was shutting him down (I’m guessing more because he was there watching than anything ) and dude was really starting to get to him.

ANYHOW, this is all important only because guess who the guy was??? The freaking guy I was IN LOVE with way back when I was 18, (before I met my ex husband) and who massively hurt me by trying to push me into a gangbang when we were dating.

I mean it was awful. We were in a hotel room, I was naked, because I’d had sex with him. These other guys (10-15 of them) had come in the room and they stole my clothes. I didn’t end up doing anything with them because I started crying and asking him not to let them touch me. He finally ended up telling them to back off, putting his clothes on me and driving me home in his underwear. But not after trying to coerce me into doing it by telling me if I “really loved” him I would.

It was pretty traumatic at the time. I don’t even like talking about it too much here on my blog because I know a lot of people would not understand some of it or why I would even have fallen for this guy in the first place. He was also there when I was 15 and the first time I ever actually got involved in a gangbang.

That time it was most definitely not something I wanted to do. He was the one standing there saying “man, she’s scared, I don’t want to do this” over and over again, but he’d gone along with it. He was 19 at the time, at least one of the other guys was 21…I don’t even want to get into it. The reason it is even relevant is that he brought it up in the second scenario (after we’d continued fucking for 3 years) and was like “you’ve done it before” as part of his reasoning that I would do it again.

Please, if you are reading this and it upsets you, I understand, but don’t tell me what I “should” have done in those situations or regarding dating him later on. I know. I was young and made a lot of bad decisions that I can’t go back and change now. Like it or not, a few years down the road I fell in love with this guy, and I mean hard. It took me years to get over what happened with him.

Honestly, I don’t think he did much better. He would try to sabotage my dating other guys after that. Like any time he would see me out at a club or something, he would try to get the guy alone and tell him I had a boyfriend, make threats to him, or tell lies about me to keep him away. He even did that to the guy I had the affair with (who is his half brother, complicated, I know).

He tries to malign me. 20 years later. Its all kinds of fucked up. Especially because he will still like, poke me on Facebook. He did it again a couple of days ago. He’s tried asking me out for drinks too and I shut him down in sort of a mean way (not that he didn’t deserve it). Yet I’ve been friendly other times and even have him on my Facebook page. Don’t ask, lol. It will never make sense. I made the mistake of having sex with him ONE time, after the incident too, despite everything. It was the day before I went away for college and I haven’t seen him since.

Ugh. I’m sure that was painful to read. It paints my decisions in a pretty bad light (and they were) as well as the guys involved. That may be true but I was young and dumb and sometimes you just do stupid stuff.

SO, when the Cohort brought him up I was like OMG, no…not him…hahahaha. Of ALL freaking people! When I first said I knew him he asked “did you fuck him?” and said he had heard this guy was running through all kinds of women. I said yes and he said (jokingly-not serious at all) “Man, I just lost a little bit of respect for you”. I told him that doesn’t even scratch the surface and let him drag it out of me that we had dated.

Later on, sometime in the middle of the night, and after some drinks, we got to talking about this again and it all came out. The whole story about this guy. To my relief, he took it like a champ. 😉 He wasn’t bothered by it at all and didn’t bat an eye when I said I’d gone back and fucked him again or any of the other messed up stuff.

His reaction was “you are ‘well traveled’…I like that about you, you’re a good girl” (makeout session) Ha… He said the only person it made him think worse of is the guy, who he already didn’t like, lol. He said it helped him understand my leeriness towards the whole gangbang thing too, that none of the ones he has been involved with had ever been like that. The women always were fully on board.

It felt good to get all that off my chest, to someone who wasn’t judgmental about it. A lot of men would be. Apparently not him though. He reminds me a little bit of Mr. Firm. I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot between the two of them, for real. 🙂

I mentioned Mr. Firm to him, briefly, because there is a very slight possibility he could be at this lake party we are planning to go to soon. I wanted him to know if he is, that is someone I’d definitely want to have some time with. His reaction was “I can tell you like this guy by the tone of your voice” lol. I said well, yeah, he is a good guy and I don’t have a negative word to say about him. He just said he was glad that I was associating with good men now (yeah, he still doesn’t know about that other night, but whatever, I’m done with Cousin 3 and his crew for sure).

So, its all good. The party went pretty well. He played but I didn’t. It was with a woman I knew he would play with beforehand, a married woman he has known longer than me. For a minute it bothered me, even though I knew it shouldn’t, and he didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve met her before and she seems nice and not catty or competitive.

I know she likes him and also that she fucked like 5 other men earlier in the week. He said he wasn’t going to lie that kind of threw HIM off for a bit even though they aren’t like boyfriend/girlfriend but any time you are fucking someone it can mess with your emotions a bit. I get that, totally. I think probably everyone has feelings like that, even though hearing about him feeling jealous over someone else maybe gave me a little twinge too. Things can get kind of complicated in the Lifestyle, lol.

Afterwards, he made a point of paying attention to, and reconnecting with me, so that helped. He wanted to talk about how I felt about it and said he’d kind of rushed things with her and not even cum because he was worried about getting back to me. So we still have some things to iron out there, but its nice to have open communication about it.

I COULD have played but I chose not to. While he was gone I danced and talked with another guy but I just wasn’t feeling him. He didn’t appear to be trying to get me back to his room at first and was just talking about taking me to dinner (eyeroll) and I admit a part of me wanted to push for it, just to even the “score” and because the Cohort was fucking someone and it felt unfair. Despite those passing thoughts, when the dude jokingly slipped his hotel room key down the cleavage of my dress, I didn’t bite. I didn’t want to play with someone just for that reason.

Anyhow, I got lots of playtime in with the Cohort that night as well as talking about everything under the sun. There wasn’t a lot of sleeping going on, lol. We went out for breakfast in the morning and I’m feeling pretty good about it all.

A reluctant gangbang

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Tonight, I had a sort of gangbang. It was only 3 guys, so I don’t know that it officially “counts” but whatever. I’m also not feeling that great about it. It wasn’t what I set out to do. I should have known better.

My thing about gangbangs, is that its so easy to get pressured into fucking guys that I really don’t want, once I’m already there and naked. That’s kind of what happened tonight. I wanted to fuck one of the guys. The other ones, not so much.

Anyhow, the original PLAN, was supposedly for me to just meet up with ONE person, the Host’s cousin, from my stories Meeting Cousin #3 and Keeping it in the Family. He’s been hitting me up here and there for a bit, but I hadn’t made the time to see him. Tonight, I was like, what the Hell, it sounds kind of fun.

He texted me his address, which is about 15 minutes away, offhandedly mentioning that he has a woman but she wasn’t there. I later found out he is married and she was at work. Married ladies- do you know where your husbands are at while you are working? Probably gangbanging some girl in the guest room with all his buddies and family members. They’ll never say a word. :p

This is why, I would have a nearly impossible time trusting any man who told me he would never cheat. I’ve seen WAY too much of this stuff from the other end, from the time I was young. In fact, these guys remind me of a family I knew growing up, I think I’ve mentioned that.

Better, to just assume they are going to cheat, and that eventually I will too. So, stop worrying about it and just agree to do your own thing. That’s the angle I’m coming from now, anyhow.

To add to the semi nostalgic feeling, he told me he and his “partner” were over there “slappin bones”. Seems like that’s all the old black men in my neighborhood ever did when I was younger. Sit on their porch and drink beer and play dominoes, lol.

His neighborhood was very similar to the Married Man’s, and not too far away from him actually. He too, lives in an older, restored, mansion, in a place that is scattered with a combination of fixed up homes and total slums. He asked, when I arrived, if I was scared of the area and I was like, no, lol. It would take a lot for me to be afraid of a neighborhood.

He had me come in through the garage and backyard, where I was greeted at the back door by a giant pitbull. He was like “are you scared of dogs”? No, not that either. 😉

He fixed me up a paper plate with homemade lasagna. I asked and he said it was made by his wife. Nice. I’m sure she would really appreciate him feeding their guest. It was good though, along with a cold can of Hawaiian Fruit Punch.

His brother in law was there (his sister’s husband) and a baby nephew, who was cute and maybe 18 months old. He introduced me and we sat on the couch to eat and watch an episode of a show that is similar to Cheaters. Fitting.

Then he took me downstairs to show off his basement. Wow!! A GIGANTIC screen TV and lots of movies and gaming stuff, alongside a bunch of really nice leather couches and a massage chair. There was basically a whole gym down there with various excercise equipment that he claims he never uses. He had to show me the bathroom that had only urinals. This was definitely the “man cave”. It’s also where he had his table set up with dominoes. He had to point out the painting of a naked woman at the entrance when you go down the steps. He said that’s so you can walk by and “slap that ass”.

Upstairs was much like the Married Man’s house. It was decorated with lots of artsy paintings and antique looking items, as well as family photos. I didn’t get a chance to look close up, but I could see that his wife was black. We didn’t go to the top floor but he said the entire thing is the master bedroom and bath. He had an office and a room for his 21 year old, who is moved out of the house, as well as a guest room.

He said normally on Wednesday nights the guys come over to play dominoes and that he was in the process of telling them not to show up. Yeahhhh sure…. A guy shows up at the door. He was a bigger guy, though he wore his weight well and had an attractive face. They’ve known each other since 4th grade. He introduced me and mentioned he had 5 kids, as well as a nephew that he takes care of. The brother in law left and he gave the baby kisses goodbye, tossing him up in the air.

Once they were gone, he pulled me over to him on the couch and pulled his dick out. He gently took a hold of my hair and pulled me down to suck on it, while the other guy sat on the other end of the couch. After a few minutes he told me to follow him up to the guest room.

In there he wanted me to suck his dick more, kneeling while he sat in a chair. He pulled off my shirt and bra. Then he told me to go call the other guy and tell him to come watch me. He said he wanted to see what he would do. I laughed and wouldn’t do it.

He was persistent. He kept telling me to go call the guy. I shook my head no. He pulled my hair and got more insistent (not mean, just demanding). He said he wanted him to watch, that he likes to share with his friends. As he later told me, its only his good friends and cousins, he says it’s like sharing a good piece of chocolate, you only want to give it to people you know and like.

I finally aquiesced. What the hell. I guessed I’d be fucking him too.

I walked out of the bedroom in a pair of shorts and no shirt or bra and asked the guy to come upstairs. He willingly followed (ha). The Cousin wasn’t satisfied with me just inviting him in there. He wanted me to say “come watch me suck his dick”.

I wasn’t cooperating. I basically kept laughing it off. He held my face and turned it towards the other guy and said “say it, don’t be shy” and I shook my head. He kept at it, until I said what he asked me to. Then he had me suck his dick some more and was demanding that I look the BOTH of them in the eyes while doing so. The other guy, at this point, was lying on the floor next to me and the chair that the Cousin was sitting in.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see him stand up and start to unbutton his pants behind me. The Cousin pulled me off of him and turned my head towards the other guys dick, telling me to suck him too. I went ahead and did what he asked, though I wasn’t that thrilled about the second guy. He was alright.

The Cousin wanted me to get on the bed and suck HIS dick again while the other guy fucked me from behind. He wore a condom (everyone did) and was having trouble performing/getting it up. It wasn’t really that exciting but the Cousin was hard as a rock and I still wanted to fuck him again. More so than the guy behind me.

When he finally did start to fuck me it was 10 times better and I’m sure my reaction showed that. He’s a little rough but good nevertheless. He kept fucking me, much longer and harder than the guy before. He pinned me down with my legs up over my head and wouldn’t let me move even when it was hurting me a bit.

He wanted the other guy to put his dick in my mouth again but he didn’t. He was getting dressed to leave and go back home to his family, I guess. As he was getting ready to leave a car pulled up in front of the house and they could see out the window. They were trying to figure out who it was (supposedly).

Yeah, it was guy #3, someone I have fucked before, twice. Another one of the Host’s cousin’s. I wasn’t really keen on fucking him again, especially since the last time he and his other cousin had gotten too rough with me and tried to choke me on their dicks. I said I’d have to go soon and the Cousin promised to finish up fast before the other guy came up to the room.

But he didn’t. He kept going and going. It was pretty good actually but I wasn’t trying to fuck the other cousin. He came in the room and said “oh hi, its Lovergirl right?”. Yeah.. he took off his clothes and got on the bed. They wanted me to suck his dick while the Cousin fucked me from behind.

So I did. For what seemed like a very long time. My hair was a matted mess and it was hard to give a good blowjob while the other dude was pounding me, lol. I did what I could though. This cousin was also having erection issues. Maybe he really didn’t want to fuck me either, or could sense that I wasn’t that into him, IDK.

He came on my face once but played it off like he hadn’t. The guy behind me was bossing me around and telling me to suck his dick so I think he didn’t want to let him know. So I had to suck his limp, already came, dick, back up again while I was being slammed from behind. It took a while.

He started getting a bit impatient with the Cousin, who was fucking me this way and that. Like, come on man, give me a turn. He did but it didn’t last long, he had already cum and was still struggling with his erection.

The Cousin got up and went in the other room to take a phone call, wanting me to suck this guy’s dick, but I started getting dressed. He apologized, saying he’d worked several 12 hour days and was tired. Yeah, whatever.

We made small talk and I was half dressed to go home when the Cousin showed up again. He was like wait! I’m not done with you yet! I haven’t even busted a nut! He shook his head at the other guy leaving and started to take my clothes back off, promising he’d be done in “5 minutes”.

For the next half hour plus, we kept fucking. It was pretty good and he likes to talk a lot (which I like) but I wouldn’t promise to see him again when he kept asking. Then he started getting all obsessed with wanting to fuck my ass.

He was holding my legs over my head, saying look at that asshole, look at that perfect heart shape, just let me “kiss” it with my dick…just put in the tip. I kept saying no, so he’d stick a finger in there and try to lube it up with spit, while playing with my clit.

He promised he wouldn’t do it this time but said next time for sure he is getting that ass. Uh…yeah, there goes another reason not to go back, lol. In fact, I still hurt a bit from his FINGER. Ugh…

When it was over he asked me to choose “in your throat or on your face?” I said on my face and he covered me like a glazed donut. He got a washcloth for me to wipe it off and walked me back down to the kitchen for a can of pop, after we got dressed. He walked me to my vehicle and hugged me goodbye, saying he definitely wants to see me again. I’m thinking probably not…

The house party goes downhill (part 2)

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When I left off the last blog entry, I was still at the party and had just finished experiencing a gigantic cock.  I feel a little guilty about my attitude at the time, now that he has been texting me a little bit.  He’s actually been fairly nice.  Maybe I was too hard on him. Guys don’t always want to be treated like a big piece of meat either.  In any case, he said his time with me was “phenomenal” and he wants to meet up again.  He is a nice looking guy and wasn’t awful or anything, he just seemed pretentious. 

That and I was irritated that he wouldn’t cum.  In talking with The Redhead later, she brought up that he didn’t cum with her and I said don’t feel bad, me either.  We agreed we hate it when men try to reserve that so they can keep fucking at parties or whatever, because it makes you feel like a failure.  I mean, I get the reason, because it would be hard for most of them to keep going and going and going if they didn’t, it’s just still a disappointment.  They probably don’t like it when we hold back from them either.  SHE said when he tried to put her in doggystyle she told him “no way!”  LMAO  Made me feel a little better about refusing to swallow.

Okay, so when I walked out of the bedroom with this guy, I saw The Host watching from across the room.  It was mildly awkward so I just kind of ducked into the kitchen to avoid him.  He got up and followed me.  He came over and grabbed my arm and said “come here”, practically dragging me back to his bedroom.  Only he kept going, and took me into the bathroom. 

I was like “why are we going in here?” and he said because it was more private.  The private rooms were all filled up and his room was for public play.  I couldn’t tell if he was upset or angry or what and was trying to gauge his reaction. 

He said he had to have me now, and started undoing his pants.  He told me to suck it and I had to close the toilet lid and sit on it to do so, lol.  It’s a small little 3/4 bathroom and a tight squeeze in there.  I didn’t do that for long before he pulled me up and told me to bend over.  Over the toilet, lol, I was having to grab onto the sides of it to hold on. 

He grabbed a hold of my hair, pulled me up enough to where he could talk in my ear and said “did he wear a condom?”  I said yes and he said “I don’t want you fucking anyone here without a condom but me”.  I said okay, (not like I was planning to do that anyhow) and he pulled my hair harder, starts pumping harder and says “I mean it!  Do you hear me? I want to be the only one who gets to feel your wetness”. 

Okay, anyhow, we were in there for quite awhile, in the same position, with me grabbing onto the sides of the toilet, lol.  He kept saying he needed to go and could hear people out there looking for him, but he didn’t want to.  He finally stopped (without cumming) and said “I have to go out there but I promise I’ll make love to you later when we are alone”.  What’s funny is that today he actually apologized for being “too aggressive” with me and I guess that is what he was talking about, though I wasn’t the least bit bothered by it at all.

After I left the room I was accosted by the security guy I had been flirting with.  I guess he saw I had just been in there with the Host.  He said he was finished working so we went into a private room.  He started to break out a condom and then asks me if I want him to go get his cousin first.  I said “sure” so he did.  Now I’m kind of regretting that.  I think all would have gone much better had it just been the two of us.

This was quite possibly the worst threesome I have ever had.  We started out on the bed with me sucking security guy #2’s dick, and the other guy fucking me from behind, just like the last time.  Okay, well guy #1 is behind me going at it kind of hard and at the same time guy #2 starts trying to deep throat fuck me.  This was not cool as I was gagging and on the verge of throwing up.  I had my hand on the lower half of his cock and that was the only thing keeping me from choking to death while they were both ramming me from different directions.  I wasn’t in a position where I could SAY anything so I was trying to push back with my hand and stop this and security guy number two starts saying “get your hand out of there, come on suck the whole thing, take it all” and ramming harder. 

Let me say here that this is totally NOT my thing!  I do not enjoy being gagged to death on someone’s cock or having them fuck my throat.  Hell, its hard not to choke sometimes even controlling things myself, let alone with someone ramming it in there.  Apparently there are women in the world who enjoy this sort of thing but I am not one of them!!

It got to the point where I managed to pull my mouth off of his cock.  He didn’t seem to like that and was yelling something about taking it all in but I pulled away and we switched positions, to where I was fucking HIM instead.  He put on a condom and started doing me from the back.   Only he was fucking me much harder, ramming it in a lot harder and faster and the OTHER guy starts saying the same crap this one was about taking it in my throat.  I was miserable and trying to push them both away at the same time.  They didn’t seem to get it.

Someone opened the door and let in the old guy from the last party.  Security guy #2 left the room to go grab another woman while this old guy comes up behind me and is trying to finger me from the back, while I’m still in a doggystyle position with my mouth on security guy #1.  I was showing no interest in sucking his cock anymore and he’s starting to go limp, but still pushing for me to suck it.  Meanwhile the old guy is behind me and trying to finger me from the back, which I also wasn’t enjoying.  A dick is one thing but fingers can irritate me at times and in that position and with him basically trying to fuck me with them, it was not fun.

Security guy #2 and the other woman, a skinny older black woman who has the “librarian” look with glasses and gray streaks in her hair came in.  She starts sucking his cock and he is telling her the same shit he was saying to me but she actually seems to like it.  Maybe because no one was ramming her into him from the back.  Anyhow, the old man was diverted onto fingering her and I was glad for that.  I started to get up, wanting to leave, but security guy #1 comes up behind me and wants to fuck me over the side of the bed.  He was struggling with the condom and losing his erection.

The other woman was really getting into things, really seemed to be enjoying this crap that I hated.  I had tears all down my cheeks, and was feeling awful.  I just wanted to get out of there, but I let him put it in from behind for a minute.  It felt like he went in without a condom and I finally just pulled away from him and walked over to the other side of the room to start getting dressed.  I don’t think he came. 

Maybe some of it was that it was 4 am and my drinks were starting to wear off, but I was just totally turned off and unhappy.  I guess I felt a little inadequate for not liking this stuff when the other woman seemed to think it was so great too.  I was hoping though that they would just direct their attention to her. The old guy had left and the second security guy and the other woman finished while I was getting dressed.  She was lying on the bed and said she was still cumming.  :p 

I don’t know.  I just hate that sort of thing.  To me it feels degrading and I’m not enjoying it a bit.  When I say I like dominant men, I don’t mean in that sort of way, at all.  Maybe I’m hard to please.  It’s one of the reasons I am afraid of gangbangs though.  Some guys just don’t get the difference there or what I mean when I try to tell them that.  Having a bunch of guys and a misunderstanding in that sense could really end up to be a disaster.

Gotta run, my library time is up.  More soon!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I’ll have thirds please ;)

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I’m home from my 3rd Halloween swinger party of the year!  I went to this one with Mr. Motorcycle, in a big city a few hours away.  The party was packed, with close to 500 people, and of course we were all decked out in costume.

I dressed as Silk Spectre from the Watchmen, for anyone who has any clue who that is.  I don’t, but hey, he bought me the costume and it was hot!  LOL  Only one other guy at the party correctly guessed my character.  Someone else thought I was a Power Ranger, LMAO.  Anyhow, it was still a hit. 😉

Here is what the costume looks like:
silk-spectre-ii-costume

I was gonna post a body pic of ME in the costume but some guy I showed it to made a negative comment and now I am feeling self conscious. Not sure if he was just being an ass or what because most of the responses I got were overwhelmingly positive.

 We stayed at a Ramada Inn and there was party bus shuttle service from the hotel (and like 3 other ones) to the club.  Unfortunately I had been running a bit late…  Okay, more than a bit, I was 3 hours later than what we’d originally planned and we got into town just past the 9:00 last run for the shuttle, but Mr. Motorcycle thought we could change that.  He was like “just call the driver and ask him to come again at 10:00.  He’s a guy, if you sound sexy enough, he will do it for you”. 

To my surprise that actually worked, lol.  At first the guy said he would be there until 9:30 and couldn’t come back unless there were more people on the bus.  Then he later called me back and offered to come, just for us, at 10. Woohoo! 

The reason I was running so late in the first place was because of my ex- husband’s girlfriend causing trouble at the last minute, plus the oil light going on in my vehicle and having to wait for an unexpected two hours that morning to get it checked and changed.  Ugh.  My life is way too busy to be adding in extra problems like that but it is what it is. 

The ex’s girlfriend suddenly decides, about 30 minutes before I was due to bring the kids to their dads for an overnight, that she has other plans for the weekend.  I had asked him on Monday, and checked to make sure on Tuesday, that bringing them so I could go out of town would be alright.  He said that was fine but apparently never mentioned it to her, and now she was taking it out on ME. 

Drama, drama, drama.  I told her they need to communicate better and that it wasn’t my responsibility and she started going off.  She said I needed to bring food for them and I said I would but that our divorce decree states that he is supposed to provide food when they are visiting.  She said she didn’t care what it said, it is her house and she isn’t feeding them her food.  So whatever, I spent my time waiting on an oil change at Walmart buying food for them for the weekend.

Then she starts bitching at me about how she isn’t going to change her plans for me and that she is the one in control of the house and what she says goes and they can’t come there.  I said okay then, he can come to my house and watch the kids there and it won’t interrupt your plans.  She flipped out and said “OH HELL NO!!”  I was like, I am not going to be there, I will be out of town, so I don’t see the big deal, but okay.  The woman is insanely jealous of me for some reason, despite the fact that I wouldn’t touch my ex with a ten foot pole, and have tried to explain that to her.

I tried to text my ex and just communicate with him from then on but he wasn’t very helpful and acted like he had no idea what was going on.  Then she accuses me of forwarding her texts to him (which I didn’t do, though I did tell him the gist of what she was saying).  Ugggghhh…  she did finally calm down and he said it was okay to bring them but it made me even later and later trying to get it all sorted out. 

After promising not to bring the kids next weekend (she apparently didn’t like that this is the 3rd time this month they have stayed the night there, though technically they are supposed to stay 4 nights out of the month),I said I don’t want my children feeling unwelcome at your house.  She didn’t comment. I made my ex promise that wouldn’t happen and told the kids to call me if there was any trouble and I would turn around and come home.  Not a good way to start off my trip, but she did later apologize.

Mr. Motorcycle was surprisingly forgiving.  I felt bad because he actually sat and waited for me in a parking lot for 2 hours but he was just glad to be heading out.  We had a good drive and on the way discussed how we would act at the party.  He said he wanted us to be a “couple” and only play if we play together and both agree.  I was fine with that.

There was some possibility that The Referee would be at this party.  He had originally invited me first, before changing his mind and deciding he couldn’t make it up this weekend.  When he found out I was going with someone else he said that he was a little jealous and might make the trip up anyhow.  He didn’t though.

It was okay, because I had seen him earlier in the week, for a hot little lunchtime rendezvous.  He says he wants to try and do that at least once a week, despite it being an almost 2 hour drive for him.  Hey, that works for me!!  He had gotten a cheap motel because the Marriot was booked. 

It was actually kind of funny because while we were fucking the non- English speaking guy that worked the front desk had come by and OPENED our door, because we left the key in it by accident and he wanted to give it to us.  That was his excuse anyhow.  He knocked for about two seconds and then tried to OPEN the freaking door before the Referee slammed it back in his face.  I know he could hear us in there!  We could hear the people next door to us fucking loudly too….LMAO. 

The Referee I am liking quite a bit.  I can tell he’s not too thrilled about me going to parties with someone else but he hasn’t told me not to.  He did ask if I gave the guy anal and of course I didn’t.  I haven’t given it to him either but he is wanting me to.  He’s like “you can save that for Daddy”.  I don’t know about all that…

So back to the party.  It was packed to the hilt for Halloween and a lot of fun.  We flirted and talked to a bunch of people and danced the night away.  On the bus over there Mr. Motorcycle had said something about wanting to see me someday in a gangbang.  So romantic…

The music was ten times better at this party than the others I have been to. There were more good looking people than at most of the ones down here. I recognized a handful of people and was half expecting to see the Pilot there.  We were close to where he lives, and I know he has been there before, but he wasn’t signed up and no sign of him. 

However, I did run into a couple of people that have seen him with me in the past.  I also met the couple he had wanted me to stay in a hotel room with originally when we had our big blowout.  The girl was much more attractive in person than she had seemed in her online pics.  She wasn’t smoking hot but Mr. Motorcycle seemed kind of interested and he liked her costume (football cheerleader).

It was her birthday and at some point we walked into a room where she was getting gangbanged by a few black men on a couch.  I didn’t stick around to watch that very long but later on, near the end of the night, Mr. Motorcycle stops and tells me to ask her boyfriend to dance.  I did and he was all excited about it and wanting us to come back to their hotel and hook up.  Since he asked me to get this guy on the dance floor I thought that was what Mr. Motorcycle was wanting too, but when the guy invited us to come over he kind of shot him down.

Hmmmm….  He later said he doesn’t know why but he is still kind of having a hard time wanting to share me.  We didn’t end up playing with anyone other than each other.  It was fun though!  He also said he was going to email that couple and try and let them know he wasn’t trying to be rude.

He made some excuses about how he didn’t want to fuck her after she’d been with all those guys that night and I was like, but you have been in gangbangs before, claim to like them and just mentioned wanting to get me in one on the way over here!  That kind of made him think (duh!).  He also said he’d prefer to hook up with women that are on my level of attractiveness.  Yet, beforehand he had been telling me how he can usually find SOMETHING attractive about a woman even if she is not conventionally beautiful.  Men, so confusing. :p

Ah well, we did have a good time and he says he thinks he will be more likely to be able to share in the future.  He just has to get used to it because he’s so gung ho about me at the moment.  I guess we will see.

He does keep telling me how much he likes me and how hot he thinks I am.  He wants to take a million pics.  When we were dancing a song came on that I like and I was singing along and he was like “OH MY GOD…you can SING!!!”  Apparently he was impressed. I don’t claim to be a fabulous singer or anything but I do love to sing, sang in choir growing up and have gotten compliments in the past. Now the Referee, he can blow!!  LOL  He sings a cappella on his voice mail and it is amazing.

I got a chance to dance on the pole and that was fun too.  I was actually dancing on a pole that was off to the side of the room and the DJ saw me and came over and drew attention to it and had me dance on the main pole in front of everyone.  I was just tipsy enough to be in my “happy place” but not overly drunk so had fun with it. 😉 

I almost forgot to mention that I kissed and made out with two women. One at the party, who was half naked, and one on the party bus home. Sheesh, it must be becoming old hat or something. Oh, and then there was the girl that BIT Mr. Motorcycle on the cheek when we got off the bus to the hotel. WTF?? Some people have the strangest ways of flirting. He did NOT appreciate that!!

There were a couple of times when Mr. Motorcycle did or said things that seemed kind of controlling.  Like he asked me to sit at a table and took off (I later found out to smoke, he was hiding the fact that he smokes from me) then seemed kind of perturbed that I had gotten up and went to the restroom. He asked me not to go to this club again unless it is with him and wanted me to agree to that since we have been there together.  He also wants to have a couples profile and has asked me NOT to let him know if I am going to see other men.  It would be reasonable maybe if we were in a relationship but I haven’t really agreed to that.  I’m still trying to take it slow and watch things with him and he seems to be pushing a little too fast.  He’s already seriously trying to plan New Year’s Eve with me.

He bought me another outfit too, a leather bustier and a very short black skirt.  He says he likes to dress women up and take them out on his arm, that he thinks it is sexy.  I know single men in the Lifestyle get much more attention when they have a woman with them so not sure if that’s all it’s about or what.  I did notice he has a couple recent validations on the swinger site that were not from either of the parties he and I went to.  For all his claims not to have been fucking anyone else, I have my doubts.  I tried to put him on the spot and ask his age again to see what he’d say (since I found out he is 44 and before he tried to tell me 40) and he dodged the question.  All in all, I think I need to keep in the back of my mind at least that he is not super trustworthy.

 

“Good in bed” and what it means to me…

in deep

I talk a lot about sex on my blog.  Sometimes I mention how fantastic a certain guy is in bed.  I’ve even mentioned “Penis Power” and the effect certain guys can have on a woman, and what they can do to her with their dick. However, today I’d like to go into more detail, and describe what “good in bed” means to me.

What got me thinking was a recent question by Cecilia in response to one of my blog entries.  She asked what it was that made “good pussy” according to men, since I have mentioned guys telling me I have some.  I’ve often wondered the same thing.  Kdaddy responded with his idea of “good pussy” which was interesting and helpful. He even mentioned that he may write a blog about it himself.  I’d definitely be interested in reading that one!! 

I’ve actually posed that question to men before and they have given various answers but the concept is still pretty vague.  Basically, I get that they want a woman to be enthusiastic.  Some say they like them tight and others say wet.  Being “good in bed” as a woman is hard to define.  Heck, I wrote an entire blog about THAT too. (Redefining Love) I talked about the lame tips we get from sources like Cosmo and how we are supposed to figure out what to do from there but don’t really have any real guidelines, as women.

Today though, I want to talk about men, and my personal preferences.  I can’t really speak for other women though I can GUESS that they might be similar to me in some ways.  Still, we are often different, or so say the men, and confusing.  Nero mentioned recently in one of HIS blogs that his wife didn’t like him pulling her hair during sex, though he thought she’d respond well to something a little more rough, since he’s been spying on her kindle searches and she seems to like sex stories that involve dominant men.

I don’t know about her, and can’t really fathom the negative response she gave, other than attributing it to being her husband and not wanting to submit too much too him.  However, on MY end, I love that shit.  I love it when a guy gets a little rough with me, hair pulling, spanking, getting aggressive, even to the point where I feel fear.  Actually that turns me on, being a little afraid of him and the power that he has over me in bed.

I used to think I’d hate someone choking me but there have been a few occasions where a guy put his hand to my throat in a mock “choke” and I actually came.  Despite my massive fear, and claustrophobic reaction to being “choked”, or perhaps because of it, I got really turned on.  I wouldn’t have thought so.  After having a guy really try to choke me once, and pick me up by my throat in a non- sexual manner, it is something that freaks me out…and apparently gets me horny too.

That said, I wouldn’t want serious choking, in or out of the bedroom.  It’s a fine line, kind of like a rape fantasy.  Oh, and rape fantasies?  I have those too.  I guess I’m actually fairly typical as far as women go in that regard.  It’s supposedly one of the top things we fantasize about and I’m right there with you all.

Actually, and I know this is terribly un-pc and perhaps a bit dangerous to admit (thank God this is fairly anonymous) but there was at least one time I was raped for real and actually enjoyed it.  It’s not something I’d ever want to encourage anyone to do, of course, and I’ve also been raped in a more traumatic way, at gunpoint, but this time, well, it was fucking HOT!! 

I’m a tad bit drunk while writing today (downed a bottle of wine) so bear with me, but this is brutal honesty.  Please don’t take it as me saying its okay to rape, or be raped because it’s not.  I was not turned on at ALL by the incident with the guy with the gun, however, this particular other time, well, it was the stuff my fantasies are made of.  If you are sensitive to this topic you may want to stop reading now.

I’ve mentioned this before on my blog.  I was 15 years old and lying in bed after having had sex with my boyfriend.  He went upstairs when some people showed up at the house and I was in a dark basement bedroom all by myself.  My clothes were on the floor next to the bed and I didn’t feel like getting up just yet. 

Someone came down the stairs, I think I probably thought it was my boyfriend and didn’t make a move to get up.  They opened the door and I could see a silhouette in the doorway, the light shining behind the guy who was standing there.  I was naked so I quickly pulled a sheet over myself, but not before he saw my body. All I could see of him was that he was wearing a wife beater and some kind of pimp hat.  He appeared to be biracial.  I couldn’t see his face though, because it was too dark and the light was behind him.

He came right up to the bed and got on top of me, with only the sheet between us.  I don’t remember what he said but know he was talking in a low voice and trying to get me turned on, as he pulled the sheet down.  I actually fought back, pushing him off, telling him no, and even biting his shoulder, yelling at him to stop.  I guess no one heard me.  He ignored my protests and just kept going. 

I couldn’t stop him.  He pried my legs apart and slid inside me easily, due to my being soaking wet already, from just having finished a round of sex with someone else.  He had a decent sized cock and no matter how much I had tried to stop him I couldn’t stop how good he was starting to make me feel.  IT FELT REALLY FREAKING GOOD.  He was whispering in my ear and despite my reluctance I couldn’t stop myself from moaning in pleasure. 

When he was done he got up and left.  I was upset enough that I cried and I asked around to try and figure out who he was.  The guys who were there gave some guesses so I THINK I know and it’s someone I saw fairly frequently at school but never actually talked to.  Still, I will never be 100% sure.

Did I feel violated?  Yes, but I was also extremely turned on and it’s something that still gets me excited to think about today.  Actually it was similar to my experience with another guy, one I’ve mentioned before as someone who I eventually got into a fuck buddy style relationship with, even though we basically hated each other. 

The second guy was the one who first got me involved in some gangbangs.  I blame him because I willingly slept with the first person, but not with this one.  He came up behind, unexpected and got on top of me before I had a chance to get up.  I fought with and attempted to push him off multiple times, but he wouldn’t let me or allow me to get to my clothes.  He’d just start talking to me, whispering in my ear as he inched a little closer, with the tip inside me, a little bit at a time, until he was all the way in and fucking me, where I couldn’t make him stop. 

I don’t doubt in the least that they had planned it that way, because he was good.  Not just good at working his way in but good at sex in general and soon had me feeling better than I wanted to and super turned on, even though I didn’t want to be, or want to be in that situation.  By the time the next guys came along in line I didn’t even try to fight with them.  I knew it was fruitless and wasn’t going to work, he’d made me feel helpless.  So I lay there and let them have their way with me.

There were many times after that he and I continued to have sex and he was always very aggressive in the sense that he just “took” what he wanted.  We could barely stand one another during the day but at night he was fucking the daylights out of me.  We’d get in arguments that ended up in the bedroom, with him taking out his aggression and it was just hot, hot, hot!!

Admittedly, nowadays, I get turned on by that shit.  A guy who can make me feel completely at his mercy can REALLY get me going.  I can’t really say whether that is due to previous experiences or just the way I am but I love it!!

The Married Man, who is my favorite sex of all time, does just that.  Makes me feel like he is in complete control and there is nothing I can do.  He was the first guy that brought me to multiple orgasms and it was because I didn’t have any choice.  He had me in all these positions and was doing all this stuff to me that felt sooo good and I couldn’t make him stop.  I lost all control because he took it.  He even pinned me down when he was licking me and wouldn’t let me up, and what do you know I just kept cumming and cumming and cumming.

  At one point he had me pinned up against the headboard of the bed, fucking me in a pretzel style that had me screaming because I couldn’t handle it anymore.  He finally realized I was serious and gave me a little break, lol.  I thought I was going to have a heart attack I was orgasming so much.  I mean it.

He also knew exactly what to do with his dick.  As does the Professor.  Stuff and positions that drive me crazy.  He, the Prof and the guy I mentioned above are my top three of all time. 

Another thing they all had in common was that they wanted to be called “Daddy” in bed.  Something about that just puts me through the roof and part of it is probably that I would never just say that to anyone.  It’s another form of taking control.  Something about the vulnerability of “going there” with a guy is like the ultimate turn on to me.

Mr. Firm, well, judging from the explosive first time sex we had, he may get there someday as well.  The way he stared into my eyes, the things he said to me, the forceful way he grabbed my body and did what he wanted, all those are indicators to me of a man that can rock my world.  I have a big thing for experiencing all that masculine power between the sheets.

Even the Producer, the last time we had sex was hotter than usual and I think it was because I was still half dressed.  I was wearing heels and he had me bent over the bed and I kept sliding in them across the carpet so couldn’t fully stand up.  He just ignored it and pounded away.  Then he had me lying on my back with my legs up and the fact that I was still wearing them added to that helpless feeling.  I dunno why I love that so much but I do.

So for me the top turn ons are a really dominant guy who also can sweet talk me.  If he’s saying sexy things to me (but not mean, like calling me a whore or something) and at the same time fucking me forcefully I just lose it.  Completely.  Something about that sweet, sexy, voice and also knowing what to do with his cock puts me over the edge.  If he can go down on me and do it in a dominant way then he is like top of the list too (Mr. Firm was good at that…as is the Married Man…mmmmm….).

Some people get upset by rape-ish fantasies and it seems all the more difficult these days to find men that can indulge them without misunderstanding. (By that I mean understanding that I don’t like any real pain and still want to feel a connection.) Still, when they can….whew!  Not to say the Prof did that, because he didn’t, but he was still dominant and still really took control. 

Man, I’m getting all excited and I’m stuck here because my vehicle is in the shop.  The Producer is halfway across the US today at a party and no one else is nearby or available.  Dangit… 

There’s that guy that gave me the flowers and he keeps trying to hit me up but I know he would suck in bed, lol.  He was trying to convince me with lines like “I’ll make it really fast, just come by here for a couple minutes”.  Gee, that’s hot…NOT!!

I did a funny little experiment the other day, after this guy on my Facebook posted that if you want to know if a guy is really into you, ask him your eye color.  So I thought I’d play a little game and see if any of them got it right.  Wanna know who did?  My Fuck Buddy!!  Hahaha  

I told him what the guy had posted and he was like “that guy is an idiot”.  Lmao…yeah, I didn’t figure he was all that “into me” anyhow.  My eyes are olive green…see the pic?

eye<

  Yet most of them said “hazel”. 

The Married Man guessed light brown or light green.  Mr. Firm said “hazel or multicolored” and I told him he gets a pass, since we just met, lol. The Pilot ignored me (though we’ve talked a tiny bit, I wished him a Happy Birthday via text and he chatted just a little but I think he’s still mad) and the Producer tried to argue with me that olive green and hazel are “the same”.  He was googling pics and trying to convince me that he is actually “into me” lmao!!  My FWB, who I haven’t seen in ages, said hazel but then was like “I could identify your eyes among 100 pairs”.  Yeah, yeah….  I didn’t ask the guy I had the affair with because he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt.  He always talks about my “green eyes”. 

I avoided asking the young guy or the one who gave me flowers or any of the ones I think are into me but where I don’t return the sentiment.  I’m still not talking to the Prof.  He looked at my swinger pics once again but I’m too upset with the Facebook shenanigans to have anything to do with him at this point.  Ugh. 

Anyhow, will see the Producer in a couple of days so not like I’m going sexless any time soon.  😉  He is having to find a new place for when he is in town and may get one closer to me.  Not sure what that is all about but it’s interesting anyway.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

 

P.S.  I do exactly what is in the picture sometimes, ha!!  Trying to keep from guys going in too deep!! 

Missed opportunity? :/

gb

So Mr. Firm is off in another state with his old buddies from college now.  He had actually invited me to come along tonight, though I had some doubts as to whether or not that would work out.  He mentioned it before we had sex and I said I would think about it and let him know afterwards, once we had met in person. While we were lying in bed talking, after orgasms, he brought it up again. 

At first I wasn’t sure.  I don’t know anything about these men, have never so much as seen a picture, and didn’t know how much pressure I would be under to sleep with them.  However, he said they were both attractive, both policemen and both able to get plenty of pussy on their own so there wouldn’t be any pressure if I didn’t want to play with them.  

I still wondered, because first of all this is their little male bonding trip, lol.  I didn’t want to be tagging along like a ball and chain, though I didn’t say so out loud.  He had all his golf clubs there with him at the hotel and was telling me all about their plans to go out at night.  He mentioned that we could all go out to the club together that night and end up doing whatever afterwards. 

Either way, it’s a little over a 2 hour drive, so lots of gas money….and time.  Still, it was starting to sound tempting.  I totally could see myself as the center of attention with 3 handsome, athletic men in a hotel room, haha.  I know I’ve said before that I was done with this kind of thing, due to experiences when I was younger, but I’d be lying if I said there aren’t SOME things about it that are appealing.

What mostly holds me back isn’t that it doesn’t sound hot, but fear.  The fear isn’t anything about how I would experience the sex myself but about how THEY might view it, or treat me afterwards.  I’ve come across way too many men that see acts like this as degrading to a woman.  If their attitude was positive, then great, it could be a lot of fun but if not, then I could be left feeling pretty awful, or even abandoned.  Abandonment is a big issue for me and these guys both live a couple states away in different directions so unlikely I would see them again.

Mr. Firm is pretty cool and I don’t get the feeling he’d be that way at all.  Still, the other guys, I know nothing about.  Well, I know one is on the swinger site, and the other wants to be but isn’t yet.  They are both in relationships (no idea if swinging is “approved” by their significant others or not) and were in Mr. Firm’s fraternity in college and played sports together.  He says they had a bit of popularity due to having a great team and winning all the time, and got involved in some pretty crazy amounts of sex back then too.  So they aren’t rookies or anything, lol, but they heard about swinging and his success on the site from Mr. Firm and thought it sounded fun.

Still, knowing all that, it was sounding tempting to me, and I probably would have made the trip down there.  In the end though, it was Mr. Firm’s decision that we’d maybe be better off not and risking an awkward situation.  I’d told him that I couldn’t promise or guarantee that I would sleep with them until after meeting and wouldn’t want to ruin anyone’s fun if I got down there and didn’t want to do it.  He totally understood and said the guys were law enforcement officers so wouldn’t want to make me uncomfortable in any way. 

Sigh…. I didn’t want to appear pushy or overeager in any way so I didn’t really let him know how likely I would probably have been to do it.  A mistake?  Maybe.  But then he may have just been using that as an excuse to not have me in the way of their going out and having guy time and I didn’t want to mess with that either.  Or maybe his friends decided I was butt ugly and didn’t want to fuck with me, haha.  Doubtful though, I don’t generally seem to have that issue with men.  Could be they just weren’t into the group idea and wanted to find women for themselves, or already did last night, haha.  I wouldn’t doubt that at all! 😉

 Part of me was thinking these guys are way too “nice” and disappointed that it didn’t work out.  But at the same time, it may be for the best.  Mr. Firm has made it pretty clear that he wants to see me again.  He says he really wished it could have worked out and he didn’t mean with me just being with all them.  I was like “Oh, I’m not saying that couldn’t be fun, lmao, just can’t guarantee anything”…and I can’t, but still…it COULD have been fabulous.  He commented on how much of a blast he had the other night and that he likes me even more because I am so easygoing.  Blah…

He’s been cool as a cucumber so far but now I wonder if I’ll ever have that kind of opportunity with him again.  He’s probably put me into the “doesn’t do that sort of thing” category.  Booo!  His attitude here at the end (and maybe he was getting it from the other guys because he said they were talking about it) was that he wouldn’t want to put me in an uncomfortable situation.  Then he sort of acted like he thought it might be degrading towards me or something.  Or, like he likes me too much now to want to share.  Dammit! 

It’s kind of like this guy who gave me the flowers and wants to get to “second base”.  He looked at my cleavage when we were sitting on the couch together the other night and was like “I’m going to be good”.  I even made a comment about how he didn’t need to be but he never tried anything.  Then afterwards he texted to say how bad he had wanted me!!  He asked if I would have done anything with him and I said yeah, probably, and he freaked out!  My phone rang and it was him demanding to know WHY I would have done something with him that night??  I was like “why not??”  and he said he was kicking himself now.  SMDH….

I hate it that men seem to think they need to treat me as innocent and sexually delicate.  I really like it when a man gets more aggressive about things, though a lot of guys seem to confuse that with PUSHY, which I don’t like.  I mean the two cops?  Come on, did they think I was going to cry rape after agreeing to sleep in a hotel room with 3 men?  Um, not unless I’d blatantly told them NO and they kept pushing or something. 

Speaking of pushy, this young guy that I slept with last year keeps harassing me to see him tonight.  His texting is driving me nuts.  Just another reason I’m not that into the younger guys.  I told him sorry I couldn’t make it tonight and he just keeps pushing and pushing and asking why and saying he can come over and help me with whatever needs to get done.

I don’t like dealing with the immaturity and even though he’s really cute I just don’t have the desire to fuck him.  When I did it felt weird, like he was too wowed by my “older woman” skills or something, haha.  He’s 13 years younger than me and it makes me feel a little bit creepy and awkward.  I really need someone who can dominate me and it’s hard to get in that mental state with someone so young.

 Really, I just am not interested in seeing him right now.  He wasn’t offering to take me anywhere and just wants to come to my house, which means extra cleaning and work that I don’t feel like doing tonight.  I want a break and the Producer will be here at a hotel tomorrow so it’s not like I won’t be getting some more sex.  So here I am writing my blog!! 😉  Hope all of you all are having a more exciting night than me!!