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It’s raining men! :D

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Wow, so much going on lately it is getting hard to keep up with my blog! Nevertheless, I am determined to keep you all up to date. Life in Lovergirl Land has been pretty interesting.

I’ll start with my latest adventures with the Cohort. He has been a lot of fun to hang out with. This guy keeps me laughing and laughing when I am with him. Last night we went out to a couple of vanilla bars together with some of his non-lifestyle friends and had a great time, as well as a night full of good sex and conversation.

He’s very emotionally honest and tells me what he is thinking and feeling. I’m really liking that a lot. It was especially helpful when we went to our first swinger party together.

I was on my period and we decided beforehand that the most I would do, would be give blowjobs, to him or anyone else. The party was small, only about 30 people, and I didn’t end up playing with anyone other than him, but it wasn’t because of him trying to hold me back. He says he is going to try to make a point not to do that, even though sometimes he wonders how it would make him feel to watch me have sex with someone else.

At the party, there was a woman that he sometimes plays with, who is married. They started out playing with her husband around, but she has snuck over to his place to play over her lunch break and that makes him feel a little guilty. She sucked his dick at the party, as did I, but it wasn’t to completion. No one has ever made him cum with a blow job anyhow, but he says that knowing I was there and unable to play, made him feel a little awkward too.

It honestly didn’t bother ME at all and I don’t think would have if he fucked her there. Of course he had no way of knowing that for sure, but I was okay. I felt bad that I was on my period and unable to fuck him there that night, so may have even liked to see him be able to get off.

The only thing that irked me that night, was the Host. He was at the party, with another woman, and never even bothered to say hi. I only saw her from across the room, but she didn’t look all that cute or anything. He later claimed I had my back turned and he thought I was ignoring HIM. I’m not really buying that, but whatever.

Its hard to say what his actual reasons were. I guess it could have been anything, from jealousy over the Cohort, to just being an asshole. He has since texted me, and I didn’t even respond. I don’t hate him or anything but wonder if I should drop him off my list of current men.

It’s just offensive that he didn’t say hi. It’s not like the two of us don’t know each other, and I don’t think he’s embarrassed of me. I mean he had me helping him host his parties! Now I hear the Redhead is doing that instead. She’s also been super buddy-buddy with the old guy and his wife that I wasn’t wanting to fuck. Good for her, I’m just not attracted.

He still wants to fuck me, and hits me up over text, but I’m not trying to be fuck buddies with someone who doesn’t give me basic acknowledgement in public. It would be different if he were married or something, but he’s not. I don’t know. It’s still up in the air because I do like the sex and he is conveniently close, but I don’t want to have to stoop down low to do it.

Speaking of the Redhead, she told me a crazy story. This guy, who had been texting me for a little bit, and with whom she used to have a couples profile with, made threats to her, and she had to get a restraining order against him and have him thrown in jail for a short time. He’s the one that was sending me countless needy texts, that I had to ask to quit bothering me. Yay, for my stalker sense going into high gear, and Mr. Firm advising me to drop him like a hot potato! 😉

Okay, now speaking of THIS guy (the Psycho Stalker), the Pilot and I met with HIS brother, and his brother’s wife the other day. We were thinking couple swap, but the Pilot said he didn’t want to have any expectations.

They are a cute couple, in their mid twenties, good looking and we had a good time, but nobody got naked. Well, that’s not entirely true. The Pilot and I fucked in the bathroom of their apartment and then again in the parking lot, but they didn’t join in the fun.

We spent our time playing parlour games, drinking and chatting, and once the guy offered me a molly. I declined…I’ve never done those and don’t want to. Now that I’m a mom I pretty much avoid doing any drugs and stick to a few glasses of alcohol. I’m not judging those that do and back in the day I smoked my share of pot, plus tried a few other things, just now I don’t mess with it.

After we left the guy was texting “why did you two leave, my wife and I wanted to play with you guys”. :p I wasn’t really that surprised, but it was annoying that no one made the first move. It IS kind of awkward when there are two couples, because then who is supposed to do it? If one of the men starts going after the female half of the other couple, it runs a risk of someone getting upset. So I do kind of understand. Yet, neither she nor I, is the type to get aggressive with a guy and start things off.

The Pilot was kissing on ME, pulling me onto his lap and obviously showing interest in SOMETHING going on (plus they had to know we were fucking in the bathroom) but the other guy and his wife weren’t touching each other. So that made it less likely too. Like if they had been making out as well, maybe somehow we could have gotten things going.

Mr. Firm says in those types of scenarios, he just starts getting naked, lol. He’s so awesome. 🙂 I saw him the other day too and WOW!!!! THE SEX, OMFG, it is BEYOND amazing!! I don’t even know how it’s possible, but it seemed even better than before!!

He’s at that scary level, like the kind that Alexyss Tylor warns about in her Penis Power videos, that I talked about before. I’d better watch out! LOL 😉 That man could have me acting all kinds of a fool, if he wanted to.

Even one time, during the sex, he had me bent over on my hands and knees, and was making me cum from fucking me doggystyle, as well as with his hand rubbing on my clit. I was so overloaded with pleasure, I was about to tap out, and he kinda laughed and said “you don’t even know what to do, do you?” Yeeahhh…. He knows!! 😉

Thankfully, he seems to be a man that can be trusted with all that power. I’m so impressed with him as a person and with how he treats me, and responds to me. I haven’t got a single negative thing to say. If I’m going to lose control with anyone, I want it to be him. 😉

Now for the Poly guy. The plot thickens. I swear he has got to be married!

He had me meet him the other day, at lunch time, so he could give me one of his employee gas cards to drive my kids to their dads house. Guess where we met? At the girlfriends place again. Only this time she wasn’t there.

I asked him about it and he said he owns 5 rental houses. She lives in one of them and he stays there “some of the time”. He said he likes his privacy so he doesn’t always.

One seemingly random thing that stands out to me about some of these men is that they all seem to have rental houses! Mr. Firm, the Pilot, the Married Man and Mr. Poly, all have rental properties. Guys that have rental properties are probably fucking like crazy. Now I have to wonder if they are all fucking IN the rental homes…. 😉

In her house he has a playroom. Its an extra bedroom with its own lock and key (the house has 5 bedrooms). According to him they are planning on putting in cameras, so she can watch him fuck women from the other room, if she wants to, and also record if the people agree to it. They have toys and restraints and stuff in there too, he said, though I didn’t see any of it.

He said that other women have to “earn” the right to be in her bedroom with them, like I was the other night, but that he knew she liked me, so he brought me in. Uhhh..if you say so, but seriously, don’t I just feel soooo special “earning” the special right to play in their bedroom? Pssshhh…

While she is gone he has agreed only to fuck women in the playroom. They have all these “rules” and honestly to me, it is an annoyance. Maybe if he wasn’t flat out telling me, but it doesn’t make me feel all that great. Its almost like “know your place, you are just a secondary” and that is kind of offensive.

Oh, and he keeps planning these big nights out over the weekend, then cancels. Married man kind of flakiness, I’m telling you. That and he often doesn’t answer a text in the evenings but he’s hounding me during the day and spending money on me. Hmmmmm….

In any case, it left me free to have a fun night with the Cohort, followed by breakfast at the IHOP in the morning. We stayed up all night long and barely got any sleep. Good times, and he was killing me pointing out the folks who looked like they were doing the walk of shame there, haha.

Thank God I was able to get a shower in the morning. I’m exhausted though and supposed to meet with the guy who took me out to the art walk a few weeks ago. He is grilling steaks for us this afternoon. Ta- ta for now!

They’re baaacck!! ;)

he's back

Well, I am moved to the big city!! So far, so good, and I am happy here. It’s like night and day from where I was living before. A few things suck, like the maintenance issues I have been dealing with regarding my new place, and the fact that it’s like two more weeks before they will hook up my internet. However, all that should only be temporary. If you are reading this, its because I managed to use my phone as a hot spot long enough to post, lol. 😉

In the men department, of course, many things have changed. I kind of left a few guys in the dust when I bailed town. Some of them weren’t too happy about it. Others, I’m not as sure. I’ve been having some issues with my phone not recieving texts, which may have made my departure seem even colder than it was meant to be.

I debated and debated with myself about contacting the married man when I moved up here. I didn’t want to be the one to cause him to stumble, but it was sooo tempting to want to text and be like “hey neighbor” to let him know I was in town and close by. Turns out I didn’t have to. 😉 HE contacted ME, out of the blue, the Friday before I was set to move!!

His text read “come to *the City* this weekend and let me make it up to you”. When I told him I was MOVING up that weekend he was in shock, lol, and totally excited! He said “you just made my day”. 😉 He was profusely apologetic for what happened the last time, when we didn’t have sex due to his guilt, and said that things aren’t what “he thought” at home. Whatever that means…. I didn’t ask.

After he found out about my move, he started in with some demands. He said now that I am coming his way I need to know that he doesn’t like to share with other men. According to him, he planned to have me so “touched out” I wouldn’t need anyone else anyway. Then he started getting onto me about the swinger parties (which he never did when I wasn’t close by) and claiming he was worried about std’s.

I’m pretty sure that is not the case. I mean this is a guy who fucked me bareback, within minutes of meeting me the first time, off Craigslist, lol. Whatever. He was sooo “concerned” that he put on a condom this time though, for about 30 seconds, before ripping it off and throwing it on the floor.

It was weird though, the sex this time wasn’t all that great. I mean, it was still good, but nothing like I remember. It was pretty much like fucking any other guy. I’m not really sure what it was, if it was me, or him, or just a change in the chemistry. I admit to being a little bit irritated with him beforehand too, about his attitude, and because he showed up WAY later than expected and kept saying he’d be there in a little bit. Maybe emotionally I was just put off. Not sure what was going on there.

He’d been pushing hard to see me that night and I was putting him off because I’d already invited Mr. Firm to come help me christen my new house. 😉 We didn’t have plans set in stone or anything, it was just a maybe, but the Married Man had contacted me after, so he was kind of the backup plan. When he started exhibiting all the typical madonna/whore stuff, and I’d been all happy chatting with Mr. Firm, who doesn’t do that, right before….he just seemed less exciting, or something.

I will say though, that I am still impressed with Mr. Married Man’s ability to unsnap a bra strap with more ease than I’ve ever seen anyone do it in my life, lmao. I’m like how does he DO that?? He can get it off even more easily than me, with one hand, in like half a second.

He seemed super tall to me for some reason too. Maybe because I wasn’t wearing heels for a change. I was in socks when he came to the door and he seemed like a giant when he had to bend down to kiss me lol. He’s 6’1″, just seemed bigger than he used to be. It HAS been over a year since we last slept together and the last time I saw him he was seated in his car.

The other returning man has been the Pilot!! We’ve still kept in touch all this time, but it has mostly been sporadic. He had told me at some point that he was falling for a woman at work and thinking about something serious with her, which totally turned me off. I told him I didn’t want to be fucking him in that situation and he thought that I was being dramatic. It just bothered me, and I didn’t want to be put again into a situation like I was with the Professor, or the Producer, or any of these guys where I ended up getting hurt because they wanted to treat me as second best.

Anyhow, when he heard I was moving his direction, he made it clear he’d like to spend some more time with me again. I didn’t even ask about the other woman. It had been months ago when he mentioned that. He invited me to be his partner for this group where they were supposed to be having “orgies during the day” at lunchtime, once or twice a month. I was unsure but agreed to come to the meet and greet and check it out.

He came to pick me up and my 22 year old sister was here to babysit. We were both dressed up and pretending to be going to some sort of a luncheon. My sister later said to me “OMG, he’s cute AND he has a nice car, I need to hang out with you more often!!” LOL

Anyhow, he’d asked me to wear a dress, with the plan being that we would meet these people then find a place to fuck each other after. So I was in a short, shiny, silver, tank dress and heels. He kept telling me I looked especially hot. He also was “warning” me about things now that I am living closer to the big city swinger scene. He said to be careful.

I couldn’t really get him to be specific, so not sure what he meant, but he was concerned about me being a single woman and how the guys would act now that I’m living up here. I told him I’d gone to some of the Host’s parties (he knows him) and he didn’t really like that. He said he doesn’t like to compete, and mostly stays away from that sort of thing (which I don’t really get because here we are on our way to an orgy group…).

We showed up at the meeting spot, which was a park gazebo, yet nobody arrived. I have no idea where he “met” these folks online, but it wasn’t the swinger site. I’m suspecting Craigslist, because he was vague when I asked and I’ve had another “orgy party” that failed through there too once, with the Prof. He had also informed me that we were using fake names for this party beforehand.

I don’t think either one of us was too terribly disappointed that it didn’t work out. He’d given me some fair warning beforehand that it might not. After about 20 minutes we got back in the car to find a place to have fun on our own.

He kept driving in circles, checking out parking lot after parking lot. I suspect it was mostly because he wanted to talk. He started telling me about this woman again. He still has feelings for her but they have only had sex once. He’s her boss at work and he’s had some issues there with gossip lately. It sounds like a mess and he’s obviously got it bad.

He said he was surprised I didn’t ask about her and I didn’t comment. Her name, he told me, is almost the same as mine. :p She told him her “tarot card reader” said she shouldn’t mess with him anymore and has some issue with an extremely abusive ex boyfriend. She had just texted him that day though, to ask him to come see her new house (she is moving too) and he wanted to know if I thought that meant she wanted to start seeing him again. SMH…

Anyway, it was kind of starting to kill the mood and I’m wondering if we are even going to have sex. He did sort of apologize and comment on that right before. He was like “this probably isn’t a good time to be discussing this”. Ya think?? 😛

After driving me through a million parking lots and pointing out a club he said he was wanting to show me that is “Lifestyle friendly but not a Lifestyle club” we finally settled on what looked like the parking lot of a nursing home. Right smack dab in the middle of it. There was no one around, though I suppose anyone could have looked out their window, lmao.

He came around and stood next to the passenger side of the car, unbuckling his pants. I sucked his dick. Then he had me get out and bend over the seat while he fucked me a little bit from behind. It felt really good but after a few minutes he started to get uneasy and wanted to move to another place.

We drove to the back side of the parking lot of a large health club and went at it again. This time he was in a better position to see who was coming and going. I have to admit it was pretty hot. He kept saying “God you are sooo wet”. He asked me where I wanted him to cum and I said anywhere but inside me. So he told me to turn around and take it in my mouth. He came a lot and I managed to swallow most of it, though I got a bit in my hair and on my arm.

Then he drove me home and we talked some more. I just don’t know. The whole thing still bothers me. I guess maybe it shouldn’t, but it makes me feel used. I didn’t tell him any of that though.

Maybe I’ve just been emotional lately (recently finished my period) but I got to thinking about it a lot and why it bugs me so much. On one hand I do enjoy casual sex and I am fine with it with some people, but I still really crave a close emotional relationship with SOMEONE.

All the current men in my life…they already have someone who they are “in love” with, but it isn’t me. I even met and had sex with a new guy the other day, and he seems like he has someone already too. He was trying to tell me we are going to have threesomes, and I noticed when he was showing me pictures on his phone that this one girl’s face just kept popping up.

Theres really not a lot to tell about that guy, lol. I met him on Plenty of Fish. He’s some kind of a golf star and has trophies all over the place and pictures of himself in “Golf Digest”. He lasted about 30 seconds in bed and then maybe a couple minutes for the second round. We had dinner at his house and he cooked me some ribs, macaroni and bbq beans, lol. It was good and then he wanted a massage. He seemed a little selfish overall, and crazy, because he was telling me I need a mixed baby and that maybe in a couple of years he and I could have one (!!). However, he has been nice in offering to have someone who works for him (he owns an auto shop) come look at the A/C in my vehicle. I don’t know, not super into him but may give it another try. I’m not too keen on the threesome idea though.

Anyway, I guess I’m just feeling a little unloved. Its not like I have time to devote to a real relationship and I realize that, but I do ache for some attention and affection, in more ways than just sex. I think I’m lovable, but I’m not sure anyone else sees it.

Society says men only fall in love with you if you don’t sleep with them and I’m not sure there isn’t some truth behind that. Trying to play that game though, seems so fake. I guess I just want someone to be able to see me for who I am and fall in love with that, instead of an image I put forth to “trick” them into something. I’m not holding my breath. :p

Holiday happenings

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season.  My Christmas was great but didn’t include any wild sex stories.  I did see my fuck buddy before he left to go back home, to Georgia…for good. 😦

I’m a little bit sad.  We’ve been having sex about once a month for nearly two years now.  I knew he was trying to sell his house, after getting out of the military, but last we’d discussed it, he was still looking to stay in this area.  It came as a surprise to hear he is leaving. 

He may come back to visit friends, and at least one relative here. He still has to get some stuff out of storage, so it’s possible I could see him again, but for the most part, this is the end.  I’m glad we didn’t really get emotionally attached.  Still, I am going to miss the reliable sex…and that huge, thick cock!!  OMG!  I bet it’ll be a looong time before I come across another one like that, if ever!

Our last meeting was pretty hot.  He was staying temporarily in a hotel and we had a couple rounds of fun, followed each time by me swallowing his cum.  My little parting gift. 😉  He was off the day after Christmas, but we plan to keep in touch.  He said he thinks I would really like Atlanta, lots of “successful black men” (damn, am I that transparent? haha ).  Who knows, maybe someday….  Plus after seeing a pic of him and his brothers down there, I am thinking a gangbang doesn’t sound so bad after all.  Heh…. 😉

Now who am I going to replace him with?  I’ve still got Mr. Firm, and the Host, and I guess this Bodybuilder guy, but they all live far away.  My fuck buddy was only an hour and a half.  It’s got me thinking…and today I even did a little browsing on Craigslist.

I didn’t have any luck on Craigslist today, but I did find something that has me cracking up and gloating like crazy!!  Remember the Producer?  He contacted me a few days before Christmas to say he hoped I was doing alright, and then again to wish me and the kids a Happy Holiday.  Then today, I get on CL and found his old ad!!!  Only he had changed it up just a little bit, to add in that he is “attached”.

Hahahahaha….he’s already looking to cheat on that woman he pretty much dumped me for!  I love it!  She was a condescending little bitch towards me.  Revenge is sweet.  What kills me is he made some comment in the ad, alluding to the fact that he is not getting as much sex as he would like.  Yeah, well, whose fault is that??  Bam!  Got them both, and in less than 3 months time.  Somehow I doubt that relationship is going to last forever. “We are soul mates”.  Give me a fucking break!

Supposedly she was cool with non-monogamy, but clearly that isn’t working out for them the way he thought, or he wouldn’t be sneaking around behind her back.  It’s obvious, from the wording of the ad, that he is.  I wouldn’t be half surprised if he tries to get back with me either, at this point.  I guess we will find out.

Damn though, right after Christmas?  And right after they went on a cruise together for their birthdays (or were supposed to, I am assuming they did).  Times must be hard. 😉 😀

Not only did HE contact me recently, but the guy I had the affair with!  Remember him?  The one who stood me up for a concert and never bothered to explain why?  He hit me up on Facebook email (we aren’t friends on there) to say “I miss you”.  I got Mr. Firm’s advice before saying anything and finally went with “fuck off”.  LOL  I was worried about upsetting him but Mr. Firm said I shouldn’t be with the way he disrespected me.  He didn’t comment back and it actually kind of felt good to stand up for myself like that.  On my own I tend to be way too forgiving.

I’ve STILL been having to ignore Mr. Motorcycle.  He left a box of gifts on my doorstep and tried texting several times to see if I got them.  I feel so mean ignoring him but I know if I give him even a little acknowledgement he will try and find a way to get back in.  As Mr. Firm pointed out, his using my kids and getting gifts for them to get to me, really is manipulative, and not a cool thing to do.  Especially after I TOLD him, flat out, repeatedly, that I didn’t want him to buy them anything. 

The gifts he gave were nothing expensive and I went ahead and let the kids open them as extras.  One was a board game that was missing pieces and looked like it had been used.  He gave me a bottle of wine and some sort of homemade soap.

The TV he gave us?  That short circuited and almost electrocuted my teenager.  He and a friend got the bright idea to smash it up after that, and take the copper out of the back.  It could have been dangerous but thankfully they didn’t grind up the glass and get lead poisoning or something.  I had to pay $60 to have it carted off as hazardous waste.  Gee, thanks for the “gift”.

The Referee has tried calling and texting me too, begging me to pick up the phone.  I ignored that as well.  I didn’t hear from him on Christmas though so maybe he’s getting the drift that I am serious.  No way Jose, will I ever get with him again.

Mr. Host has been cool though and says he bought me a gift, because he can’t stop thinking about me.  Nice!  I am looking forward to seeing him again.  The sex was just awesome!

He invited me to another party and I was a little disappointed in the guest list.  Mainly that he didn’t invite Mr. Firm. :/  Whhhyyy???  I hope he still ads him on.  I don’t think he would have been able to come anyhow, but it’s the principle of it all.  I hope it’s just that he is varying what single males come to each party or something.  It would really upset me if he was leaving him out due to ME or doesn’t like him.

See, I’m a little afraid that he is going to be like all these other guys I have come across and start acting possessive.  Or that he might see Mr. Firm as a threat because my excitement about him being invited the first time was probably pretty obvious.  Plus, he may have seen us kissing a few times at the party and I doubt you could miss the passion there. 😉

I really hope that isn’t it.  Mr. Firm is cool as hell, has had nothing negative to say about Mr. Host so far, and I know he was excited about having been invited to that last party.  He also took the time and trouble to validate Mr. Host and say nice things.  I wouldn’t want him to be left out on account of me and I’d really like him to be at some future parties if I am going to be there.  I’m a little afraid to bring it up to Mr. Host though.  Like, if I make too big a deal of it he may just decide never to invite him again.  Ugh.

Looking over the guest list, there seem to be less single guys, so maybe it is just something to do with that.  :/  The whole thing has my brain spinning. I usually tell Mr. Firm about parties and had mentioned the date of the upcoming one, so I’d feel weird never mentioning it, like I was keeping something from him.  I’d feel like a jerk though, talking about it when he wasn’t invited.  Grrrr…

I haven’t heard from the Professor. 😦 We talked a little bit on his birthday earlier in the month and he was kind of weird. He made comments about how he missed me and that he wasn’t getting any sex for his B’day, but didn’t want me to come over (“to say hi”, I didn’t flat out offer him sex). I told him I’m not at the point anymore where I think the relationship thing would even be an issue, basically hinting at just some NSA sex, but he said it was HIM that had the problem handling it and not me. Okay, whatever.

Anyhow, wish me luck on replenishing the ranks.  I’ve got some possible upcoming changes in my life as well.  I’m seriously considering a move to the big city myself.  There aren’t a lot of things holding me back at this point and 2014 may be just the time to get up on it.

Thoughts on submission

submission

Lately I’ve been pondering some things about dominance and submission.  Now, before you get too excited, realize I’ve never considered myself as a part of the BDSM community.  I really don’t know a whole lot about it, just read little bits here and there. 

I find it somewhat fascinating but at the same time scary sounding.  I’m not fond of being in pain or hurting anyone so that part doesn’t sound appealing to me.  I see things like floggers, electric shockers, and nipple clamps and I’m thinking OMG, no, not for me!

I had a chance to talk with a male friend once who had gone to his very first BDSM convention.  He talked about some of the workshops and about people who wore latex masks over their heads and all kinds of things I had never heard of (at the time) that were happening.  It was very interesting, but for me pretty much stopped there. 

That’s not to say I’m not curious.  I’m curious about things like what it would be like to be tied up or blindfolded.  I wonder just how much spanking I could handle (I do like that!).  All in all, my thoughts about it are pretty tame, compared to what I know is out there, and I’ve probably only scratched the surface as far as reading and learning about BDSM.

I find the idea of power play a little more intriguing than the pain aspect.  I’ve experienced some of that with my lovers and it has turned me on.  Some things that come more naturally, and don’t require props or safewords, have been part of my sex life on many of occasions. 

I’ve always been really turned on by men that are very dominant in bed.  Not mean though, it doesn’t excite me when someone calls me names or gets overly rough.  No, I like them passionate in an almost romantic way in the bedroom.  Passionate and in control, but still very affectionate and focusing on getting ME off, rather than their own selfish desires, that will get satisfied in the end anyhow.

I guess that’s a pretty tall order.  Maybe I am spoiled because I have found men who have been able to give me that very thing.  As few and far between as they may be, I’m becoming more adroit at identifying those that can satisfy the cravings of my mind and body. 

Recently, when I was having dinner with a man I have met at some swinger parties and a couple he was here visiting; the topic of choking came up.  None of them found it to be a sexual turn on.  I said that I had thought I never would either, but when it actually happened during sex, it turned me on much more than expected.  They looked at me like I’d grown another head!  LOL

Yet, it’s true.  I had always thought I would hate being choked during sex.  I was terrified of the idea.  Yet the first time a man did it to me in the bedroom, I came.  It was actually right before I met the married man who made me cum so many times in a row and it was mild in comparison, but it happened.  It was with my FWB who does have a tendency to like a little roughness between the sheets. When I told Mr. Firm of our dinner conversation he laughed and said a lot of women say one thing but in bed like another. He was like “I could tell you liked that”.

It calls to mind memories of the guy who was my very favorite sex partner as a teenager.  We hated each other’s guts!  Pretty much anyway, lol.  Yet, the sex was addicting.  We’d come back to fucking again and again, despite the way we treated one another outside the bedroom. 

I’ve mentioned him a few times on my blog.  The first time we had sex it was actually forced and as part of a bunch of guys pulling a train on me, one that I didn’t want to participate in.  I had willingly slept with the first guy but HE was the 2nd, the one who got on top of me and wouldn’t get off or allow me to get dressed.  He wouldn’t take no for an answer and slowly inched his way in, despite my protests, all while confusing me even more with the things he was whispering in my ear.

 Despite the fact that I was adamant about not wanting to have sex with him, he was deliberately turning me on.  He knew what he was doing and I can guarantee that wasn’t the only time he’s done it.  It happened again, a second time, where they pulled a train on me and he was again the person that pushed it.  The first time we were in a park and the police showed up before the guys scattered and the second we were in a house and I was alone in a room on the couch with the other guy before he came in. 

Those were actually fairly traumatic experiences for me emotionally but like I have said before I continued to have sex with him.  Outwardly, I couldn’t stand this guy.  I couldn’t stand his asshole attitude (I even call him The Asshole in one of my blog posts, My Deep, Dark Past).  He was a real jerk and we would be at each other’s THROATS in arguments. 

I can remember one time, being at a party in this guy’s backyard and we got into it.  We were yelling and cussing at one another over something and he suddenly picked me up off the ground and started walking.  I was actually a little scared of what he was about to do.  He picked me up and carried me down those basement steps, stopping to pretend he was going drop me every once in a while, causing me to scream and hang onto his neck. 

When we got to the bed, he threw me on it and started pulling off my clothes.  I didn’t say no that time but he took exactly what he wanted and it got a little rough.  He was shoving my face down on the pillow and at some point a couple guys came down and were watching.  It was hot!! 😉  LOL

There was another time we had been dropped off at this Mexican drug dealer’s house and were stuck there all night.  All the bedrooms were occupied and he and I were in the living room, fighting like cats and dogs.  One of the Mexican guys finally came out of his room and threw a pair of boxing gloves at us, telling us to shut up already and just duke it out.  Haha.

Later, some really creepy, crackhead looking motherfuckers with missing teeth came to the house and we were stuck with them too, in the living room.  They were adults and we were still really kids and these guys were leering and hitting on me.  I was scared, but The Asshole actually stood up for me, backed me up against the wall behind him and was cussing them out and threatening them. 

We ended up having sex after that, on the floor in another room and all the tension was relieved.  He let me sleep up next to him, with his arm out across me to ward off the bad guys, lol. 😉 He’s really not all that bad, though he did spend some years in prison after being tried as an adult for holding up someplace with a gun, soon after.

The day before that happened was the last time I ever touched him.  He came up behind me, while I was standing in a front yard at this guy’s house and put me in a choke hold with a loaded gun up against my head.  He said “don’t move or I’ll shoot”.  I said “you wouldn’t shoot me”.  He cocked the gun and pulled his arm tighter around my throat “say I won’t!!”  I said “you’d miss me too much” and he was like “say I won’t do it” and looked me in the eye. I said “do it then” and turned my cheek toward him. He stood there. “Come on then, do it! I dared him. He kind of smirked and put down the gun.  I could tell by the look in his eyes he could never go through with that ;). 

He’s on my Facebook now and he’s married and life has changed, but I told that story to illustrate how early on in life I was already getting off a little bit on a power exchange dynamic.  It was hot!!  He was great in bed for how young we were and despite being rather forceful would turn into an almost totally different person with the passion and affection and things he would say to me (he loved to talk during sex).

Nowadays I have come to realize just how much I ENJOY a man taking control in the bedroom and that feeling of helplessness.  All of my favorite men have at some point called me “really submissive”.  I hope, and think, that means they like it!  LOL  My ex- husband sure didn’t, because he was the same way. 

I’ve struggled a bit, with the whole being submissive thing, because I know I am and that naturally that is just me.  However, so many people seem to equate it with weakness.  If I’m honest I would say that actually in a way I do too.  My ex husband’s submissiveness was a total turn off to me.  I didn’t want a man to act weak in the bedroom. 

So I wonder, if men really even like that?  I sometimes feel like I am not DOING anything and wonder why men still say I am good in bed.  Do some people actually enjoy and LIKE it when someone is letting them call all the shots?  I know there are guys that do, it’s just so hard for me to picture being on the other end of that.

Mr. Firm always says I fuck him just the way he “needs”.  I love that he tells me that but am a little puzzled by what he actually means.  I find HIM very fulfilling because he is that perfect combination of dominant and sweet and he can make me cum again and again.  I’m quite happy to be on the receiving end of all that, lol. 😉

He said recently that I am so submissive he can’t picture me being dominant, even with another woman.  I had to think about that for a minute because I am pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be, but at the same time the idea of submitting to another female kind of gives me a pause.  I don’t think I would want to!  Not really.  I have an inkling that if a woman started trying to tell me what to do in bed it would piss me off!   I’m happier and more comfortable with something equal.

I think the reason it is different with men has something to do with just loving to see all that masculine POWER.  I don’t desire that from a woman.  I love when a guy can just take me and do whatever he wants, but where I trust him enough to know he also wouldn’t really hurt me.

From me, I guess I’d also say submission to someone is a gift.  I don’t act like that with just anyone.  I mean, I don’t boss any guy around in the bedroom, but for me to actively and willingly “submit” there has to be trust involved.  Still, that is where I am at my happiest.  If I can’t get to that point with a man then the sex doesn’t become truly spectacular.

I’m curious to hear from men or women who LOVE being dominant in bed.  What is it that turns you on about a person submitting to you?  When I try to dig up info from that side of the spectrum, there is very little, even on the world wide web!  Lots of people can describe what they love about someone dominating them but what about in reverse?  Why do you like it?  Is there anything a “submissive” person can do to make you like it even more?

“Good in bed” and what it means to me…

in deep

I talk a lot about sex on my blog.  Sometimes I mention how fantastic a certain guy is in bed.  I’ve even mentioned “Penis Power” and the effect certain guys can have on a woman, and what they can do to her with their dick. However, today I’d like to go into more detail, and describe what “good in bed” means to me.

What got me thinking was a recent question by Cecilia in response to one of my blog entries.  She asked what it was that made “good pussy” according to men, since I have mentioned guys telling me I have some.  I’ve often wondered the same thing.  Kdaddy responded with his idea of “good pussy” which was interesting and helpful. He even mentioned that he may write a blog about it himself.  I’d definitely be interested in reading that one!! 

I’ve actually posed that question to men before and they have given various answers but the concept is still pretty vague.  Basically, I get that they want a woman to be enthusiastic.  Some say they like them tight and others say wet.  Being “good in bed” as a woman is hard to define.  Heck, I wrote an entire blog about THAT too. (Redefining Love) I talked about the lame tips we get from sources like Cosmo and how we are supposed to figure out what to do from there but don’t really have any real guidelines, as women.

Today though, I want to talk about men, and my personal preferences.  I can’t really speak for other women though I can GUESS that they might be similar to me in some ways.  Still, we are often different, or so say the men, and confusing.  Nero mentioned recently in one of HIS blogs that his wife didn’t like him pulling her hair during sex, though he thought she’d respond well to something a little more rough, since he’s been spying on her kindle searches and she seems to like sex stories that involve dominant men.

I don’t know about her, and can’t really fathom the negative response she gave, other than attributing it to being her husband and not wanting to submit too much too him.  However, on MY end, I love that shit.  I love it when a guy gets a little rough with me, hair pulling, spanking, getting aggressive, even to the point where I feel fear.  Actually that turns me on, being a little afraid of him and the power that he has over me in bed.

I used to think I’d hate someone choking me but there have been a few occasions where a guy put his hand to my throat in a mock “choke” and I actually came.  Despite my massive fear, and claustrophobic reaction to being “choked”, or perhaps because of it, I got really turned on.  I wouldn’t have thought so.  After having a guy really try to choke me once, and pick me up by my throat in a non- sexual manner, it is something that freaks me out…and apparently gets me horny too.

That said, I wouldn’t want serious choking, in or out of the bedroom.  It’s a fine line, kind of like a rape fantasy.  Oh, and rape fantasies?  I have those too.  I guess I’m actually fairly typical as far as women go in that regard.  It’s supposedly one of the top things we fantasize about and I’m right there with you all.

Actually, and I know this is terribly un-pc and perhaps a bit dangerous to admit (thank God this is fairly anonymous) but there was at least one time I was raped for real and actually enjoyed it.  It’s not something I’d ever want to encourage anyone to do, of course, and I’ve also been raped in a more traumatic way, at gunpoint, but this time, well, it was fucking HOT!! 

I’m a tad bit drunk while writing today (downed a bottle of wine) so bear with me, but this is brutal honesty.  Please don’t take it as me saying its okay to rape, or be raped because it’s not.  I was not turned on at ALL by the incident with the guy with the gun, however, this particular other time, well, it was the stuff my fantasies are made of.  If you are sensitive to this topic you may want to stop reading now.

I’ve mentioned this before on my blog.  I was 15 years old and lying in bed after having had sex with my boyfriend.  He went upstairs when some people showed up at the house and I was in a dark basement bedroom all by myself.  My clothes were on the floor next to the bed and I didn’t feel like getting up just yet. 

Someone came down the stairs, I think I probably thought it was my boyfriend and didn’t make a move to get up.  They opened the door and I could see a silhouette in the doorway, the light shining behind the guy who was standing there.  I was naked so I quickly pulled a sheet over myself, but not before he saw my body. All I could see of him was that he was wearing a wife beater and some kind of pimp hat.  He appeared to be biracial.  I couldn’t see his face though, because it was too dark and the light was behind him.

He came right up to the bed and got on top of me, with only the sheet between us.  I don’t remember what he said but know he was talking in a low voice and trying to get me turned on, as he pulled the sheet down.  I actually fought back, pushing him off, telling him no, and even biting his shoulder, yelling at him to stop.  I guess no one heard me.  He ignored my protests and just kept going. 

I couldn’t stop him.  He pried my legs apart and slid inside me easily, due to my being soaking wet already, from just having finished a round of sex with someone else.  He had a decent sized cock and no matter how much I had tried to stop him I couldn’t stop how good he was starting to make me feel.  IT FELT REALLY FREAKING GOOD.  He was whispering in my ear and despite my reluctance I couldn’t stop myself from moaning in pleasure. 

When he was done he got up and left.  I was upset enough that I cried and I asked around to try and figure out who he was.  The guys who were there gave some guesses so I THINK I know and it’s someone I saw fairly frequently at school but never actually talked to.  Still, I will never be 100% sure.

Did I feel violated?  Yes, but I was also extremely turned on and it’s something that still gets me excited to think about today.  Actually it was similar to my experience with another guy, one I’ve mentioned before as someone who I eventually got into a fuck buddy style relationship with, even though we basically hated each other. 

The second guy was the one who first got me involved in some gangbangs.  I blame him because I willingly slept with the first person, but not with this one.  He came up behind, unexpected and got on top of me before I had a chance to get up.  I fought with and attempted to push him off multiple times, but he wouldn’t let me or allow me to get to my clothes.  He’d just start talking to me, whispering in my ear as he inched a little closer, with the tip inside me, a little bit at a time, until he was all the way in and fucking me, where I couldn’t make him stop. 

I don’t doubt in the least that they had planned it that way, because he was good.  Not just good at working his way in but good at sex in general and soon had me feeling better than I wanted to and super turned on, even though I didn’t want to be, or want to be in that situation.  By the time the next guys came along in line I didn’t even try to fight with them.  I knew it was fruitless and wasn’t going to work, he’d made me feel helpless.  So I lay there and let them have their way with me.

There were many times after that he and I continued to have sex and he was always very aggressive in the sense that he just “took” what he wanted.  We could barely stand one another during the day but at night he was fucking the daylights out of me.  We’d get in arguments that ended up in the bedroom, with him taking out his aggression and it was just hot, hot, hot!!

Admittedly, nowadays, I get turned on by that shit.  A guy who can make me feel completely at his mercy can REALLY get me going.  I can’t really say whether that is due to previous experiences or just the way I am but I love it!!

The Married Man, who is my favorite sex of all time, does just that.  Makes me feel like he is in complete control and there is nothing I can do.  He was the first guy that brought me to multiple orgasms and it was because I didn’t have any choice.  He had me in all these positions and was doing all this stuff to me that felt sooo good and I couldn’t make him stop.  I lost all control because he took it.  He even pinned me down when he was licking me and wouldn’t let me up, and what do you know I just kept cumming and cumming and cumming.

  At one point he had me pinned up against the headboard of the bed, fucking me in a pretzel style that had me screaming because I couldn’t handle it anymore.  He finally realized I was serious and gave me a little break, lol.  I thought I was going to have a heart attack I was orgasming so much.  I mean it.

He also knew exactly what to do with his dick.  As does the Professor.  Stuff and positions that drive me crazy.  He, the Prof and the guy I mentioned above are my top three of all time. 

Another thing they all had in common was that they wanted to be called “Daddy” in bed.  Something about that just puts me through the roof and part of it is probably that I would never just say that to anyone.  It’s another form of taking control.  Something about the vulnerability of “going there” with a guy is like the ultimate turn on to me.

Mr. Firm, well, judging from the explosive first time sex we had, he may get there someday as well.  The way he stared into my eyes, the things he said to me, the forceful way he grabbed my body and did what he wanted, all those are indicators to me of a man that can rock my world.  I have a big thing for experiencing all that masculine power between the sheets.

Even the Producer, the last time we had sex was hotter than usual and I think it was because I was still half dressed.  I was wearing heels and he had me bent over the bed and I kept sliding in them across the carpet so couldn’t fully stand up.  He just ignored it and pounded away.  Then he had me lying on my back with my legs up and the fact that I was still wearing them added to that helpless feeling.  I dunno why I love that so much but I do.

So for me the top turn ons are a really dominant guy who also can sweet talk me.  If he’s saying sexy things to me (but not mean, like calling me a whore or something) and at the same time fucking me forcefully I just lose it.  Completely.  Something about that sweet, sexy, voice and also knowing what to do with his cock puts me over the edge.  If he can go down on me and do it in a dominant way then he is like top of the list too (Mr. Firm was good at that…as is the Married Man…mmmmm….).

Some people get upset by rape-ish fantasies and it seems all the more difficult these days to find men that can indulge them without misunderstanding. (By that I mean understanding that I don’t like any real pain and still want to feel a connection.) Still, when they can….whew!  Not to say the Prof did that, because he didn’t, but he was still dominant and still really took control. 

Man, I’m getting all excited and I’m stuck here because my vehicle is in the shop.  The Producer is halfway across the US today at a party and no one else is nearby or available.  Dangit… 

There’s that guy that gave me the flowers and he keeps trying to hit me up but I know he would suck in bed, lol.  He was trying to convince me with lines like “I’ll make it really fast, just come by here for a couple minutes”.  Gee, that’s hot…NOT!!

I did a funny little experiment the other day, after this guy on my Facebook posted that if you want to know if a guy is really into you, ask him your eye color.  So I thought I’d play a little game and see if any of them got it right.  Wanna know who did?  My Fuck Buddy!!  Hahaha  

I told him what the guy had posted and he was like “that guy is an idiot”.  Lmao…yeah, I didn’t figure he was all that “into me” anyhow.  My eyes are olive green…see the pic?

eye<

  Yet most of them said “hazel”. 

The Married Man guessed light brown or light green.  Mr. Firm said “hazel or multicolored” and I told him he gets a pass, since we just met, lol. The Pilot ignored me (though we’ve talked a tiny bit, I wished him a Happy Birthday via text and he chatted just a little but I think he’s still mad) and the Producer tried to argue with me that olive green and hazel are “the same”.  He was googling pics and trying to convince me that he is actually “into me” lmao!!  My FWB, who I haven’t seen in ages, said hazel but then was like “I could identify your eyes among 100 pairs”.  Yeah, yeah….  I didn’t ask the guy I had the affair with because he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt.  He always talks about my “green eyes”. 

I avoided asking the young guy or the one who gave me flowers or any of the ones I think are into me but where I don’t return the sentiment.  I’m still not talking to the Prof.  He looked at my swinger pics once again but I’m too upset with the Facebook shenanigans to have anything to do with him at this point.  Ugh. 

Anyhow, will see the Producer in a couple of days so not like I’m going sexless any time soon.  😉  He is having to find a new place for when he is in town and may get one closer to me.  Not sure what that is all about but it’s interesting anyway.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

 

P.S.  I do exactly what is in the picture sometimes, ha!!  Trying to keep from guys going in too deep!! 

Trying to keep my sparkle…

shineonbaby

Kinky Poly has no idea how much she made my day awarding me the Shine On award! I’ve been having kind of a rough week, and after someone insulted my blog and writing skills, when I was making a comment elsewhere, I’ve been kind of reluctant to try and type. So thank you, thank you, for not only giving me an incentive to write something but making me feel better and reminding me that I do have a bunch of wonderful followers! The awards I’ve received say there are people out there who DO enjoy reading and I don’t want to let the haters bring me down!

Screw them all! Or rather, don’t, because they clearly have issues with a woman enjoying her sex life and writing about it, so screwing them is probably a bad idea, lol.

Anyhow, let me give you all an update of what is going on in my life, before I get to the questions, because it’s got me in a depressed kind of mood that may shine through in my writing. 😦 I’m also due for my period and that really tends to affect me emotionally. I swear sometimes I think I have PMDD (Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder). It’s not so much irritability, though there is some of that, but falling into a depression each month. It’s to the point where I struggle to function normally and to keep suicidal thoughts out of my head. I know I’d never actually kill myself because of my kids but I just get to feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless that I don’t know what to do. It’s only once a month for a couple of days though, thankfully.

Hell, that’s something about me, so let’s consider it my first fact. Back to this past week. Well, I lost my Fuck Buddy. Totally unexpected but he got upset with me. He had wanted to see me one morning and when he texted I was really too exhausted to wake up and start getting ready. I’d been up all night the night before dealing with issues with my teenage son.

So that probably made him a little cranky with me to begin with. I had said maybe but ended up sleeping longer than planned and he had to go back to his town early. He asked for some pictures, since we weren’t meeting, and having not had a chance to get ready I asked if he wanted to see some of me with another guy. He said “sure” and I figured since our faces weren’t in it and he’s not emotionally attached AND he agreed to it, he would be okay with it all. Big mistake.

I sent him a couple pics. They are of me and the Producer but just show his cock going into my pussy, from behind, close up. I didn’t tell him WHO the pictures were of. Guys send me pics of themselves with women all the time, minus face, and often ask me for the same, so I’m thinking no big deal.

Well, he got PISSED because he saw the other guy wasn’t wearing a condom!! Sigh. HE wears one every single time and we’ve been fucking for over a year and he never asked me before if the other guys wear condoms or not. He was like, you are fucking raw now? I said not usually, but admitted I have and he said “well, I can’t fuck you. That’s a bit much”. I said the Professor never wore one with me and did he expect the married women he fucks with to wear condoms with their husbands and he said “no”. I was like well, I’m not sure how it affects you since you always wear one but okay, I guess I shouldn’t have sent the pics, have a nice life. Haven’t spoken with him since.

As if that wasn’t enough, I kind of cut things off completely with the Professor too. He came over here the other day, wanting to bring us some big floor pillow that he said he wasn’t using and he made me a drink and brought it with him. He’d been texting me pictures of this alcoholic beverage he was trying, called “Kinky”, and mixing it with Moscato. I was asking what it tasted like so he made me a cup.

We’d been being friendly but he hadn’t seemed interested in meeting up for anything more. He kept acting all depressed and sad and envious of the fact that I have been getting out and seeing guys. Yet, when I made a comment about him not seeming interested in hanging out with ME, he said “I am, but I don’t know if I can handle it” and commented that we argued “too much”.

So okay, I’m thinking then he must just want to be friends right? He keeps initiating text conversations with me and seeming to want to chat. When he was here I gave him a hug goodbye and said thanks for the stuff. He apologized for not having showered, so he wasn’t getting all fixed up for me or anything.

Anyhow, I’m starting to accept that he seems to want to be platonic friends and thinking okay, I can handle this. Then I sent him a Facebook request. We’ve never been Facebook friends before but we’d been talking a lot lately and I’d written something I kind of wanted him to read and see what he thought. It would have been too long to send over text.

He didn’t accept my request. He totally ignored it but kept on texting me. 5 days later I finally asked why? He made some remark about how he doesn’t like to have “Lifestyle friends” on there because of his job. I pointed out that he has that married woman on there and he says that he told her he would “probably take her off soon, for the same reason”. COME ON! Give me a fucking break!! That is utter bullshit. If he were going to take her off for that reason he’d have done it by now!!

I said “I doubt it” and his response was “That’s not true. I haven’t seen her since April”. Um, did I ask when he saw her?? WTF? I just ignored his texting after that and haven’t responded since.

I can’t think of any reason he wouldn’t want me on there that isn’t offensive, and made especially offensive by the fact that SHE is on there!! Just another reminder that he thinks she is somehow better and more valuable than me. What a fucktard.

Not that I care that much about having him on my Facebook page but it’s just the concept behind it all. Like what? Are you embarrassed of me? Do you think I’m trashy enough to go airing dirty laundry on Facebook when I get upset? Clearly, if you think that, you don’t know me very well. That’s SO insulting! UGH!

At least I’m seeing the Producer for lunch tomorrow. We probably won’t be having sex, just hanging out. He tried to talk me into a threesome with this 21 year old girl last night and I just wasn’t interested in going there, especially right now when I’m about to start my period and would be overemotional. Don’t want to risk flipping out or getting hurt feelings over something silly.

I told him all that too, lol. He also claims how bad she wants me and that she wanted to text me. I told him tell her she can send me an email or something, I don’t really like texting that much. Not to be offensive but texting with a 21 yr old girl sounds really annoying to me, lol.

It’s bad enough when it’s this 23 year old guy I slept with last year. He keeps trying to get me to see him again and I just felt so awkward, I don’t know if I can. He’s sooo cute, but it’s just too “cute” or something, like he has this baby face and he seems soo young. He’s also in a fraternity, lol. I am WAY too old to be fucking frat boys! Haha!

Oh and the Pilot still has not contacted me and never responded to my apology. He was, however, looking at my profile on the swinger site yesterday. Wonder why? I had unblocked him but he hasn’t unblocked me. Ah well.

I do have a guy I have been talking to that I really hope works out. He and I will be meeting in person soon but we’ve been mostly communicating over email. He’s from the swinger site and has over 100 positive validations from females. They make him sound like hot stuff and his pics aren’t half bad either!! 😉

Also, he’s fun over email and seems sweet and nice. He has been in an open relationship for over 9 years, with the mother of his child, so I’ve asked him a lot of questions about that and how he does it. He says he only plays with singles when travelling and that she does the same. They can play with couples close to home but she doesn’t do it nearly as often as he does. I guess when she does though it’s mostly single men. He goes out to dinner or dancing with other women but saves “romantic dinners” for her.

He’s the IT manager at a law firm. So, no idea what I will call him if we end up hitting it off, lol. He has also invited me to come along with him and some of his guy friends on a “guy’s weekend” that they are having. I’m thinking that kind of defeats the purpose of a weekend with the guys and asked if he meant for me to fuck them too. He said not necessarily. Hmmm. In any case, I told him I want to meet him first and make sure we even click and he said he agreed that was a good idea.

Okay, dangit, I am telling you all too much and haven’t even gotten to the rest of my facts. I’ll try and be concise ;).

2. I love avocadoes. I could eat them day and night, every day and be happy. Oh wait, that’s what I used to do when I lived in Hawaii. We had two avocado trees and ate them constantly. My dad would be all “we don’t need to buy groceries, just go eat an avocado” and suggesting things like avocado pancakes and avocado peanut butter sandwiches (!). Nevertheless, I NEVER got tired of eating them, lol. Give me some salt and lemon juice with it and I’m even more happy. On burgers, tacos, in salads, sandwiches, you name it! I love making homemade guacamole too.

3. Pineapples! I love them too!! Especially fresh but I’ll eat almost anything with pineapples in it. Chocolate covered, in smoothies, on ham, in some cake. Yeah baby! LOL I used to, when I wasn’t drinking alcohol, order a pineapple juice instead, every time we went to a restaurant. If they serve alcohol they almost always have it on hand, whether it’s listed on the menu or not.

4. My teenage son is driving me batshit crazy. I am so at my wits end with him!! I’m trying so hard to deal with everything he brings up but it’s something new EVERY FUCKING DAY. Some kid is claiming he stole their bike and I have parents yelling at me on almost the daily. Thing is, he has a very expensive BMX bike and I’m pretty darn sure he’s never stolen one!! Virtually every time it turns out to be this kid who is a “friend” of his and keeps putting the blame on him. The kid finally tried to take HIS bike and pulled a knife on him. I’m so fed up!

When it’s not that, someone is calling the cops because he and some kid he had spending the night are writing their names in lighter fluid in the road and setting them on fire (at 4am while I was fast asleep) or blowing up bike tires by over-pumping them and waking up the entire neighborhood.

He and a friend actually tried to hide in the trunk of my van when I was headed out to a date with the Producer. I got in the lobby of the hotel, where we were meeting before going out to get a drink and he calls me on the phone to ask what I am doing at a hotel. They thought they were hilarious. Sigh….

I don’t know. I used to be critical of parents whose kids were like this, back when I was working with them. I guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine now. He’s just such a little imp!! I swear people used to tell me how well behaved he was when he was little, even though he’s always had boatloads of energy. He’s like 5 ADHD 2 year olds on speed, I’m not kidding. Somehow, for some reason, I ended up with this child. It must be paybacks for everything I’ve ever done in this life and maybe some others, lol. My others are little angels in comparison, that hardly ever misbehave. Thank God!!

5. I’m home alone today, just enjoying several hours all by myself, for the first time in a really long time! The Producer and I were going to meet but I guess he pulled out his hip or something and decided to wait to drive here until tomorrow. I was actually kind of relieved. Even if he is meeting up with that 21 year old instead, I am totally fine with that. I told him if he wanted to do that, when he first brought up the threesome, that he could just get together with her instead but he was insistent he’d rather be with me. I, on the other hand, just wasn’t feeling it and kind of wanted some alone time. So I guess it all worked out for the best.

I did some shopping and got myself a cute little sundress that I will probably wear when he and I go out for lunch tomorrow and made myself some dinner and am working on my blog. Oh, and I had a grand old time with my toy, all alone, and a fantastic orgasm ;). Not really in the mood to deal with men at the moment, which is unusual, since my sex drive tends to be very high, but I think I just needed a break.

6. I’ve been looking into some ways to make money writing and found some ideas that I think might work. Going to give it a shot anyhow. Nothing to do with this blog, since I don’t want to make you all view advertisements. You’d hate that right? I find pop ups and stuff when I’m trying to read someone’s stuff really frustrating.

I’d love to get paid for reviewing things or writing articles online. I enjoy writing and always thought it would be great to actually make something doing it. It’s just so hard to find legit opportunities. If it actually works out I will have to let you all know!

In the meantime, there’s always that Paypal Donate button!! (wink, wink) Psst…it’s at the top right of the page and I will always LOVE and appreciate your financial support! You know what they say, there’s no nation like a DOUGH-nation and no city like GENEROSITY!! 😉 😀

7. I love wearing skirts and sundresses in the summer. I wish I could dress like that all year. It’s just so summery and breezy and even more fun when you are on a date and forget your panties. 😉

I went out the other night with the Producer to this dinner theater and it was fun. I wore a short skirt and as he was dropping me off to go park the car I told him I wasn’t wearing any panties under it and you should have seen the look on his face! Haha

It was a cool theater too, where you could recline in your chair and they brought you alcoholic beverages and food. We went out to a bar afterwards and he was sliding his hand underneath my skirt, while we were sitting on barstools at the bar. Afterwards, was, what else, but fun sex?

He cornered me though, in the car, as we were driving back, to ask me to rate him on a scale of 1-10 again. Sigh. I think I said 8. I mean, it’s probably more like a 6.5-7 but I’m not trying to hurt his feelings. Then he demanded to know if I’d ever slept with a 10 before and I was honest and said yes (after he kept saying BE HONEST). He wanted to know why but how can I explain that to him?? I may have to write a blog post about that soon.

Gosh, I’m finished already? Kidding. I want to recommend to you some more awesome blogs I have found recently as well. So, to all of my fabulous rewardees, (that’s not really a word, is it? But you know what I mean) keep smilin, keep shinin, knowin you can always count on me….for sure…

Be sure to keep this award shining on to the next person, post the lovely blog award image. Mention me, linking to my blog, state 7 things about yourself and name 15 great blogger recipients of your own! Shine on sexy people!

1. The Mental Illness and Non-Monogamy Blog
2. Laffemeroar
3. My Gay Guy
4. AngelMorals
5. Dreamshadow 59
6. Joseph McNamara
7. A Day in the Life of Shareen A.
8. Sun and Fun
9. Being a Beautiful Mess
10. My Mind to Your Mind
11. A Sexual Being
12. Goodgirlmostly
13. Vegasfetishes
14. HandswhereIcanseethem
15. MariMar

Was I wrong?

Tonight I am questioning myself and the conclusions I jumped to regarding the Pilot.  Maybe I was wrong.  Maybe he really was telling the truth and I assumed the worst about him.  If so, then I was totally unfair. 

Yes, he did sign up for a party right after cancelling on me but his excuse, that I had blocked him or he wouldn’t have done it, may have been a valid one.  He may have reacted to my actions with anger and signed up to spite me.  Not very nice but then neither was deleting our profile we had just created.  That cost him money too. :/

We haven’t spoken but I’m debating apologizing to him.  Even if I was RIGHT then I probably shouldn’t have called him an asshole.  To be fair he didn’t react in kind. 

I’m not saying I’m okay with being cancelled on at the last minute, but it was a first time offense.  He’s never done anything else to piss me off before and actually seemed to like me quite a bit.  That may have changed now and I’m not expecting anything to go back the way it was but I’m thinking the right thing may be to apologize anyhow.

A couple things got me thinking in that direction and one was my date with the Producer last night.  He took me out to a bar that is run by some swingers here in town and we were chatting when the topic came up about what had happened with the Pilot.  Even though he was jealous of him before he was like you STILL haven’t forgiven him for that?  He said I was “harsh” and he wouldn’t want to be on my bad side, that he was going to try and avoid pissing me off, haha.

Then tonight, the Married Man texted me wanting to hook up.  His wife is out of town and if you all recall, the last time this happened he stood me up and I got pretty pissed at him.  Nevertheless, he’s too amazing in bed to stay mad at for long and I finally agreed to try and work with him on some last minute plans.  Okay, if I can forgive him repeatedly (because he’s pulled this crap several times), how can I be so angry with the Pilot for doing the same thing?

Well, guess what happened with Mr. Married Man?  He cancelled on me AGAIN!  Only this time I actually believe it was for a legit reason.  He got injured playing ball and cut his mouth open and said his tooth almost went through his lip.  He was texting me pics of it and asking what he could do to stop the bleeding.  It was actually kind of cute because he seemed to think I was going to know what to do and kept asking me questions.  What does he think I am, a nurse?  LMAO.  Fortunately I did know how to help because I have some very active boys and have spent far too much time in the ER. 

After things settled down a bit and he told me he was in so much pain he wanted to cry, he says he wouldn’t be able to go down on me if I came up and sent me a sad face.  He said he wanted to be able to satisfy my whole body and not just with his dick if I was going to travel all that way (he lives near the Pilot).  He was like “I am soo sorry”, and this time I feel like it was sincere.  I mean, sometimes people really do just feel “not up to” having sex and want to give you their best.  It’s possible that could really have been the case with the Pilot.

I know some of you all on my blog were questioning too.  I don’t know.  Maybe I should just suck it up and say I am sorry.  Of course from there he could still be really pissed or unforgiving but I guess the outcome isn’t really what matters.  My biggest concern with that is that he really WAS being an ass and then I am making a fool of myself or letting him take advantage of me, but if it ever happened again then I guess I would know.  Seriously considering it.  I feel bad for blowing up at him.

While I was mad at the Pilot, I spent a little time talking to the Professor.  He says he misses me.  He made some comment about me not believing him about things that made me wonder if I’m extra suspicious.  I know I’m not the most trusting person on earth.  I’ve been lied to way too many times. 

Anyhow, he sounds sad, and says he really hasn’t played much since he was with me.  He said only with some people he knew before and once at a party he went to but acted like none of it was that great.  According to him he’s only been with that married woman once this entire year, the time we got in an argument.  I told him a little about the Pilot and what happened because he knew about our couples profile and that I’d been to a party with someone.  He seemed a bit jealous that I have been going out and getting laid more than he says he has.

Then he was sending me pics of what he ate for dinner, lobster and some kind of avocado and tomato salad and telling me he was thinking of me when he made it. I do love my avocadoes and raw tomatoes, lol.  We haven’t talked a whole lot since.  He keeps saying he misses me but he’s not making any moves to get me back in bed. 

I talked with my fuck buddy recently for a bit and we even discussed the possibility of going to a party together.   Not sure if we will do that but looking forward to sex with him again, it’s been awhile. He has started bringing up anal though and I can’t say I’m all that excited about that.  It’s like seriously, the guy with the huge 9 inch, thick cock just HAS to be the one that wants to fuck me in the ass, lol.  I was like your dick is way too big for that kind of activity!   Of course he claims his ex- wife hated it at first but then got used to it and would ride him reverse cowgirl anal and he loved it.  Sigh….

Actually, lately, the person I’ve been seeing the most of is the Producer.  He’s been coming through here about twice a week.  I haven’t really been pushing the gold digging thing but he seems quite happy to offer things on his own.  He says he wants to take me to Vegas with him in the fall and then maybe on a cruise in the Bahamas.  Hey, I can handle that! 😉 

Each time we meet up he makes sure to take me out and do SOMETHING with me so that is fun. He says he doesn’t want it to be “just sex”.  He’s also talking about doing something special for my birthday next month, so we will see.

Once he brought up wanting a threesome with this woman he says he has slept with here before.  She is like 21 and blonde and he sent me pics and I’m wondering why the hell he always wants to see ME instead of her then when he is here, but whatever.  He keeps saying what incredible pussy I have.  I can’t help that. 😉  He’s like, “it’s just sooo SOFT and wet and hot and GOOD”.  He says he can’t believe I’ve had kids. Yeah…  well, what can I say?  LMAO  (Other than one of my kids was 9 ½ lbs with a big head and I had them all natural, guess it hasn’t damaged THAT area too badly anyway).

He’s still bent on becoming the “best sex ever” for me and wants me to rate his performance afterwards and tell him what a big dick he has all the time, but whatever, I guess I can oblige that, haha.  Shaking my head…. The sex isn’t bad.  It’s not off the charts spectacular but it’s still fun!! 

When we were at the bar last night we met a single woman that we struck up a conversation with and she and I exchanged numbers.  This is more likely a hangout thing than a sex thing, though she was having an issue with being in a fight with a current lover while her fuck buddy on the side cancelled for the night.  She seems like she might be fun though, so you never know. We were texting a bit back and forth last night but I was decidedly tipsy.  I also sent a drunk I miss you text to the Professor. He said he misses me too and sent a sad face.  :/  Dangit I’m just all kinds of confused right now.