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Just sayin…

hard

No plans yet this weekend and I’ll admit I’m still feeling the pain of distance from the Professor. Still I’ve got some things to look forward to in the near future. One of my old girlfriends is coming to town soon and we are planning a night out, yay!! 🙂

It’s rare I get to go out on the town due to NOT having any females that are cool like that with me around here. She and I used to live it up back in the day, haha. I was definitely the wilder one sexually, as she remained a virgin until 18. Nevertheless we managed to get into all kinds of craziness, of the teenage girl variety.

I still remember the first guy she had sex with and how we met him. It was the beginning of the summer after we graduated from high school. We had gone over to some other girlfriends apartment but they weren’t home yet. Meanwhile we decided to climb on top of a motorcycle that was parked out front and pretend we were going for a ride. The bike belonged to some college aged guy who was living up above them and when he yelled hey what are you doing, of course we had to throw out some sexual innuendo. I don’t recall what we actually said but it was something to the effect of “you know you like to see us riding on your big toy!”

Somehow I ended up kissing this guy, while he was getting ready to leave with a group of people in the back of a pickup truck. I came back over to my friend and she was like “did you just kiss him?” incredulously, lol and I said yes and we were laughing. Then we went upstairs to harass his roommate.

The poor guy was trying to study for a final but we gave him no peace. We had him stripped down to his boxers with a raging hard on, pretending we were going to give him a threesome, kissing him on both his cheeks. and telling him we didn’t want him to do schoolwork. There was no real intention behind this, we just thought it was funny to get him all excited.

At some point his roommate came back and I ended up in the bedroom with HIM. He seriously got to the point of “just the tip in” sex and that is all I would let him do! I really couldn’t tell you for the life of me WHY I was being such a tease but I never did have full on sex with him. He was getting pretty aggressive trying to push for sex, but I kept telling him no. He was a good looking, muscular guy with blonde hair and blue eyes but I think I was turned off by his pushiness for some reason.

Meanwhile my friend I think fucked the other dude. I never did sleep with the roommate but it turned out to be a good deal anyhow as they both worked in a liquor store. We’d go in there and pretend to buy alcohol and pretend to show them our ID’s and they would pretend to sell it to us while letting us take it for free. Being we were too young to buy alcohol for real we though this was pretty awesome, as did our friends.

Once, when they had moved to a bigger apartment with even more guys, we brought over some girlfriends with every plan to party. Turns out no one was home but they had left the door unlocked. We went inside and helped ourselves to the liquor cabinet and were standing in the kitchen doing shots when one of the girls got the bright idea to call over some guy friends.

The guys were game for awhile but with all the naked female posters on the wall and porn mags in the bathroom I think they figured out the house didn’t belong to any of us girls. For some reason they were less comfortable with this arrangement than us girls and eventually we left, LMAO.

We called these guys “the frat boys” as that’s kind of what they acted like, though I’m not sure they belonged to any actual fraternity, they were living in an apartment after all and not a frat house. Several times we went to big parties at their house so that was fun too and my friend slept with the guy a few more times but she never fell in love with him or anything.

I could go on all night with stories of things we did, like the time we got this guy to take us home from a bar and make us this big huge breakfast complete with smoothies because we were starving with the munchies. I’m sure he thought he was going to score with two girls that night but we ended up saying we had to go around 7am and never saw the poor guy again. Oh and there is the time we got into this truth or dare striptease with a bunch of random male strangers.

We had all kinds of adventures and I can’t even remember half of them right now but I know a night out with her will never be boring. She’s come down here before and we even managed to have fun in the totally lame bars they have going on here. I love hanging out with old friends because I can act like the nutcase I really am. People in this area seem so uptight. Even the swinger parties have their sort of cliquish behavior. Boooo….

Anyhow I’ve got that AND I’m headed home again soon for a family member’s graduation. The married man has offered to get me a hotel room up there when I visit so we can have playtime together. Oooohhh that sounds so fun, I so hope it works out! Plus the guy I had the affair with is up that way too and wants to see me. It’s been a long time and he is another one of those people that has known me long enough that I feel like I can just be me. I love sitting around talking and laughing with him about things and people we grew up with. It’s almost as good as hanging out with my siblings, plus we get to have sex, lol. Looking forward to it all.

Meanwhile, I need a good suggestion for a movie to watch tonight!! I ‘haven’t seen many movies at all in the past like 20 years and it has to be something I can watch on Netflix. Any good breakup movies?? I like stuff that will make me laugh, as opposed to cry, or that is heartwarming and has a good ending. I’m here with the kids and about to down a bottle of Moscato while they are fast asleep in bed.

Trying, trying, trying not to wonder what’s up with the Prof. :/ Haven’t decided yet if I’ll troll Craigslist for tomorrow. I guess there’s always that guy I emailed with who has the Sybian too, that might be fun….

Pole dancing and picking up girlfriends

poledance

Meeting guys is easy. Dating sites, sex sites, Craigslist, bars, walking through the grocery store, you name it, there are all sorts of places to meet men. I tend to get hit on pretty frequently when I am out without my children, and sometimes when I have them with me. Not necessarily by anyone I WANT to be hit on by, lol, but whatever, it still boosts my ego.

Not that I am out very often sans kids. It’s quite rare, actually. They are mostly attached to my hip when I’m in public. So that hampers things a bit too. In the event that a guy talks to me with my kids standing there, I am much more reserved and unlikely to show interest. That hasn’t stopped a random guy from KISSING me in the grocery store parking lot awhile back (while my kids were in the van after he followed us out)and occasional men hounding for my number or simply talking and appearing interested. My 13 year old son sometimes points out his observations to me. “That guy likes you”. Yeah, HE can even tell, lol.

I’m not horrible looking or anything but I also don’t look like a supermodel. I think the reason I get hit on a lot probably has more to do with the fact that I smile a lot and maybe look “approachable”. I’m generally polite and friendly to strangers. Sometimes guys take this to mean more than it actually does.

One of my sisters, who is quite attractive, claims men rarely talk to her. I think in her case it has more to do with the fact that she appears “closed” and brushes people off. She’s not as open and warm. If I didn’t know her I wouldn’t talk to her either. I’d be afraid she’d tell me off, lol.

In any case, I find meeting men to basically be a piece of cake. If I want to go on a date, I just go glance through the zillions of emails I have on Plenty of Fish or OkCupid and pick a few to respond to on a night I have free. Usually at least one will ask me out right then. OR I throw out a Craigslist ad and generally get several responses before they flag and take it down. Then there’s the swinger site and an occasional option there that seems interesting. That doesn’t always wield great results, but hey it’s easy to at least find a guy who wants to meet.

They’re everywhere, even if the ones I genuinely LIKE and have good chemistry with are fewer and farther between. I’ve heard the statistic somewhere that there are 500 men for every woman on online dating sites! I don’t know if that’s actually the case but there are definitely a lot of fish in the sea, whether they are good catches or not. Of course, I also have a few men in my life that I like and have available for sex already, even though they don’t all live close by. So generally, guys are easy.

Now WOMEN on the other hand, are really difficult. I’m not even talking about for sex. Men complain about that I know, but I’m just talking friendship. It’s really hard for me to meet female friends. Ladies, you know how we are. Often cliquish and reluctant to let a new woman into the fold.

Don’t get me wrong, I have women friends that I’ve known since childhood and I have sisters. They all live far away, though it’s great to talk on the phone and have an occasional visit. The women I know around here are mostly people I knew during the years I was married to a man in ministry. So that means they are hardcore Conservative Christians. Most of them are married. I’m the odd woman out.

Anyway, despite the male attention, I really MISS having some girlfriends to hang out with! When the Professor goes on his guys nights out (he plays poker with some guy friends once in a while and not too long ago took a road trip to watch a football game, stuff like that), I’m happy for him but it also makes me wish even more that I had some female company as well. The problem is where to find some!

I’m not really in a position to go out often without my children. I used to be in MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and met a lot of women there but it also has that Christian focus. Lovely ladies and we had fun but they aren’t women I can let down with and enjoy a glass of wine or more adult activities. I also felt that pressure to put on a certain “face” and be that perfect wife and mother around them. When I got divorced I felt a little bit ostracized. The same was very much true for my experience with women in the church. Suddenly my “friends” weren’t so “friendly” anymore, now that I am divorced. That was a part of why we dipped out of church and all its accompanying fakeness.

Shortly after my divorce I wanted to meet some other single females to hang out with that were more my speed so I tried a local Meetup group. I met with a couple of ladies for drinks and it was fairly nice but they were all married and a bit boring. Still I would have gone out with them again if my ex- husband’s schedule hadn’t changed to where he wasn’t taking the children in the evenings. Due to that I was unable to attend meetings for quite a while and they dropped me from the list. 😦 Finding and affording childcare for me to have time to go out is generally difficult.

Anyway, the last time the Professor had a men’s poker night and was sending me pics of the guys playing and stuff I told him I really wished I had a way to meet some other women and he had a great (and obvious- duh!) idea! He said what about at the gym? I was like I never talk to women at the gym, we are mostly just on our own machines working out with headphones on. He said what about taking a class?

The wheels started turning, how could I not have thought about that?? I work out daily anyway and have a membership at the YMCA. There is free childcare there and plenty of classes offered. I’d seen some aerobic dance classes going on a while back and even seen friends of mine post stuff on Facebook about Zumba, which totally sounded like my cup of tea! I love doing dance style workouts at home.

I immediately went down and got a schedule and they offer Crossfit and Zumba and Pilates and a few other different classes. The Zumba classes are offered in the evenings at a time that would be great for me and you don’t have to sign up but just show up whenever you want to come. PERFECT! 🙂 I went to three classes last week and really enjoyed it. Decent music and the moves are fun and easy to follow. The women seemed nice though the instructor one of the days and another woman were going on about a great worship service at church, so yeah, more church ladies but maybe not everyone.

Anyhow, the Professor made another comment about me liking my pole dancing experience at the last swinger party and he wondered if they offered classes about that. Of course the Y here doesn’t. They have classes that only play Contemporary Christian music though. Gagging here, that is like the worst music ever. I can’t STAND Contemporary Christian music, even all those years in church. I’d much rather listen to gospel or hymns or praise and worship music than Contemporary Christian, it just SUCKS, lol. It all sounds the same and is just horrible. One of the reasons I was turned off by one guy I had sex with a couple of times was because he insisted on blasting this horrible sounding music by Creed in the car when he was driving and telling me how great it was. YUCK!! How can anyone listen to that shit? But I digress…

So anyway, I decided to look online for pole dancing classes in this area. At first I couldn’t find anything and thought it was a hopeless search. THEN I finally came across a place a few miles out of town that offers some pole dancing classes that are a combination of that with belly dancing, yoga, pilates and some other stuff. The whole place sounded really hippy and New Age, but kind of intriguing. They were very mysterious as to what they actually do there, only women are allowed and it’s way out in the middle of nowhere on some kind of renovated farm down a dirt road. The descriptions were very mystical.

The intro class was only $25. I had to try it, to see what this place was all about. Since my ex hadn’t taken the kids the previous weekend I had a reason to ask him to take them during the week too so I made an appointment.

Last night I dropped off the children and drove for about thirty minutes in the sleet down dark country roads looking for this place. I finally found it. There were some sort of creepy decorations on the gate and I drove down a long gravel drive to park outside the building where it would be held. Honestly I was feeling slightly afraid. Like, are these actually serial killers? Why is it way out in the middle of nowhere, why are they so secretive about what they do and why is it only women? It was dark and raining ice and that didn’t help. However, when I pulled up there was another woman arriving at the same time who had never been there before. We weren’t sure if we were even in the right spot because there were several buildings but decided to walk up the stone path to what looked like a remodeled cabin or garage of some sort.

Walking through the door we were greeted by a receptionist in a very relaxing, spa-like atmosphere and asked to fill out some forms. We joined two other girls who were doing the same, on some nice comfortable couches. On the wall were nude paintings of men and women dancing and sitting on park benches. I picked up what looked like a mint out of a bowl on the front desk, unwrapped it and popped it in my mouth. It tasted like some sort of organic horehound candy and was spicy too. Blech…

The papers I filled out were at first basic and then I had to sign some interesting forms promising not to share the secrets of what I did and learned there. So I have to be a bit vague, even with you all, sorry! I could hear the strains of “Dirty Diana” playing in the adjoining room before seeing the women in the previous class leave. Like us, there were only about 4 of them, one older woman maybe in her early 40’s and a few twenty- somethings.

The women in my class were in their early and late twenties or so, other than me, but I didn’t feel out of place. The instructor was older than me and the website made sure to assure us that all body types and ages were more than welcome. A few of us needed to use the restroom, so we had to leave the building and walk through the cold, wet weather into an adjoining building, past screaming cats in a garage and into what appeared to be someone’s house and laundry room. The mirror in the restroom was completely covered with little notes saying things like “you are a Goddess” and “your body is beautiful”.

We returned to the main building. Once we got signed in we were asked to leave our coats and purses and shoes in cubby holes and were taken into a darkened room with a few stripper poles and sat down on mats on the floor. The instructor was joined by the woman who was behind the desk.

The room and the atmosphere, I can only describe as very unique, yet inviting and warm and relaxing. There was a fake gas fireplace and dim red and yellow lanterns adorned the ceiling. No mirrors, any windows were completely covered with very dark curtains. It was sort of like being in a cave and had this Wiccan or Pagan “feel” to it. It reminded me a bit of when I was a kid and my grandmother used to take me to a hippy Sufi “church”, where we would light candles and chant.

We went around the room giving brief introductions and backgrounds. One woman had been in the military and wanted to get more in touch with her feminine side. The other two had previous experience in dance (not the erotic kind) and wanted to regain their skill in some way and learn something new. Me, I simply cited curiousity.

Anyhow, what transpired after that, I can’t really describe. We did a lot of relaxing exercises set to music that put you in a somewhat trancelike state, but it was both sexy and a bit like meditation. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. It was nice to let go of all the stress of the week and get lost in this new experience.

Then we got to work learning some sexy stances and exercises and trying a new trick on the poles. They had a couple of regular poles and a spinning one as well. It was amazingly easy to me (though they said they don’t start out with the “easy” moves necessarily) but also fun. I got compliments from the instructors on my gracefulness and ease and the way my long hair looked spinning around on the pole. No one said anything negative to anyone. One woman (the military girl) struggled with a bit of awkwardness but was only given encouragement and helpful tips. There was a lot of cheering on and positive reinforcement.

Afterwards we sat on a soft couch together and watched as the instructors did a demo of what we would learn if we take the regular course. It was mesmerizing, entrancing and something I would definitely like to try! I’m waiting for a little bit of tax money to come in and then pretty sure I will enroll in a short course. It’s really not too expensive and I think it will be a lot of fun. They offer courses at several different times. I think it’ll be awesome, relaxing, a bit empowering and maybe I’ll get to meet new friends too, not to mention learn a few skills that I may get a chance to show off at some point, like at one of the swinger parties. They almost always have a stripper pole standing around somewhere.

Between that and Zumba I at least have a running start in meeting new girlfriends. Women can be hard to get to know sometimes and I realize that in general around here I don’t fit in. I actually feel kinda bad because back when I first got divorced I remember a woman emailing me on OkCupid saying she was really just looking for friendship and didn’t know where to start. I didn’t email her back because at that time she seemed needy and I had a lot on my plate plus it seemed a little odd, but maybe she was just someone like me, who didn’t know where to find other women to relate to! Hopefully things worked out for her and soon will for me as well. 🙂