In my zeal to complete the Shine On Award I completely forgot to mention another disturbing thing that happened this past week. This time it involves a different man, my ex-husband. I’ll admit it totally threw me off guard and was more than a little emotionally upsetting.
I received a text, one night, at midnight, as I was sitting at my computer. It was from my ex-husband’s number, asking “do you still think of me sometimes?” What. The. Fuck.????!! I was flabbergasted! It didn’t sound at all like something he would say.
So I wasn’t sure what to think. It crossed my mind that perhaps it wasn’t him writing the message, but his girlfriend. She is super jealous and seems to think I’m still interested in him, which is preposterous, but I guess she has no way of knowing better. She also seems to take the fact that I am single as a personal threat, as though that indicates I’m still pining over him. If only she knew, but she doesn’t.
It wouldn’t be the first time she had messaged me using his phone, without saying who she actually was and causing confusion. She had also sent messages before from her own number, using underhanded little jabs regarding my singledom and supposed inability to get a man. And this, this just didn’t make sense coming from my ex-husband.
So my immediate response was “is this a joke?” The person on the other end said “No, why?” I started to doubt my first impression, what if it really was him? What if he was actually asking me this question? Was he having any kind of regret over our failed marriage? I was so confused.
I responded “I just can’t imagine why you would ask me that”. The return text said “Idk either”. Now I felt kind of bad. What if I was hurting his feelings with my abruptness?
In any case, who never thinks of someone they were married to for almost half their life? Sure he crosses my mind, though it is usually with remembrances of the more hurtful things he said and did. I try to block out the better times because it comes with the painful recognition of failure at something I wanted so badly to work out, for us and for our children.
I didn’t know what to say. Who was I actually talking to? How could I be honest without leading him on if he were actually having thoughts of reconciliation? I finally responded “I mean, I was married to you for 13 years and we were together 15. Of course you cross my mind but not in a wanting to get back together ever sort of way.”
I hoped that answer would be sufficient. For him, for his girlfriend, whoever might be reading. I didn’t get a response until late the next morning. In the meantime I lay down to sleep in a jumble of confusing, conflicting and bewildering thoughts. I remembered things like the Valentine’s day gift he brought me after the divorce and how shocked I’d been that the person who’d hardly ever thought of me during our marriage managed to do so after. I had simply thanked him and left it at that, but it was fucking with me.
The next morning the text I got from him said that he wasn’t texting me the night before, that his girlfriend had too much to drink and he wasn’t sure what all she said to me. I commented that yeah, it didn’t sound like something he would say. Still now, I guess I’ll never know, was it really her being a manipulative bitch or was it him and he used that excuse to cover up what he’d actually been thinking?
In either case it really fucked with my head, being in the emotional state I’ve been in already. Kind of emotionally cruel but I guess he was passive aggressively like that during the marriage too.
His girlfriend, on the other hand, just has this obsession with thinking I want him back so most likely it WAS her but it’s ridiculous. I mean, she really seems to see me as a threat and I’ve no interest in him whatsoever, despite having had children together and trying to make our marriage work for years and years. It didn’t. I’m done.
She invited me once to a BBQ at her house, last summer. Not knowing that I see men on my own I think she thought she’d try and hook me up with someone. My kids were there, and my ex-husband, as well as her mother and grandmother and daughters and cousins.
His girlfriend and all her family are black. I and my ex- husband and kids are white. They invited one other white guy to the BBQ and he was REALLY trying hard to hook up with me, which I was avoiding at all costs. She was super encouraging of trying to help him get to know me. I suspect it was a set up.
I had to leave early (to go on a date) and soon after the guy texted, even though I’d declined to give him my number. He’d gotten it from her. UGH!
There is no way in HELL I would date a friend of theirs, even if I’d been attracted to this guy. I just have no interest in associating with them or letting them know my business. Not to mention it was super awkward with my ex- husband there looking on as the guy followed me around. That, and her general fakeness and introducing me as his “baby mama”. Please. I was MARRIED to the man for 13 years and we have children together, it was a hell of a lot more than that.
I don’t blame her for being jealous of me. She weighs twice as much as I do and is physically less attractive. That’s putting it nicely. Most people were in shock when she and my ex started dating after the divorce. He’s a very physically fit and good looking man. My first thoughts were this lady is really ghetto/ratchet. Sorry, but it’s true.
The woman has a police record for domestic assault (3 times) and dui’s, she’s been in jail since he was with her, supposedly for violating probation. I normally try and avoid her. I’m not looking for a fight.
My kids are required to visit with them and to be fair she has been nice to them thus far. She got them Christmas presents and my ex doesn’t do that kind of thing on his own. She bought my 3 year old daughter a (black) doll and I thought that was really sweet. She also wanted to pierce my daughter’s ears to which I said NO (!!!) but I think her intentions were good.
I feel sorry for her because I think my ex treats her similarly to how he did me and her self- esteem doesn’t seem really high either. She actually has it worse in some ways, like she was the one working and providing everything for the family while he sat on his butt with no job for almost 8 months. It’s easy to say I would have left him if I were her but obviously I can’t talk.
She thinks they are getting married and even had a date set last year but it never happened. I have my doubts. I only heard about that because my sister (who is half black, so I guess slipped past the radar and she didn’t recognize was someone she didn’t know) had decided to friend her on Facebook out of curiosity, unbeknownst to me. She called to tell me about the posting regarding the upcoming wedding. I said something about it to my ex and he denied it was going to happen any time soon. I guess it never did.
So really, I feel sorry for her and I don’t hate her or anything but I try and avoid her. My sister has since been removed off her FB, lol. In any case, it was pretty low to text me pretending to be him, if she did. I wish she wouldn’t worry about me wanting him back because I don’t. Hopefully if she’s the one that texted it will allay her fears and if it was him he will have had his curiosity satiated, but yeah, another upsetting incident for me this past week.
Oh, and I’m not getting to see the Producer today. He is in serious pain with his hip and going to the ER. No idea what is wrong. Hopefully it’s not something really serious.