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I should have known….and somewhere deep inside, I did!

intuition

He’s married! The CEO is married! Why am I not really surprised? He hasn’t admitted it to me yet but I found proof. I discovered a picture of him online, with his wife and her family, wedding ring clearly visible on his finger. It was taken just before I met him and posted on a relative’s Facebook page.

We are not friends on Facebook and his page is private, as is his wife’s, but I’m a good detective and I did a little digging. I’m not able to see who is on his friends list, but I could see that he and I have at least one friend of a friend in common, which was amusing. She had commented on a public photo of his. He’s friends with an old fuck buddy of mine’s WIFE.

Sometimes it pays to snoop! Just saying! I just KNEW he was too good to be true and my gut feeling proved me right, once again. Sigh…

I felt a little upset at first, but I’m over it. At least now I know and can protect myself from getting too hopeful that this is going to go anywhere. At best it will be a passionate affair.

We’ve slept together 4 times now and this last time I knew but didn’t say a word. It will be interesting to see if he ever slips up or tells me about it. I plan to sit back and give him some time.

All along, I’ve felt mildly suspicious but Tinder tipped me off because I could see when he was lying to me about where he was. Sometimes, when he says he is traveling, he is telling the truth, but others it shows him as being 11 miles away, at his HOUSE.

So there’s that, and the fact that he usually plans time with me around when he’s either just arrived home on the plane, or is just getting ready to leave. He always gets a very nice hotel, which is wonderful, but of course points to the fact that he avoids having me in his home! His excuse that his sister was watching his child there may have held up at first, but why would she be there when he’s just getting ready to fly off to another city? Shouldn’t she be with her mom by then? Yeah….

The sex is still through the roof amazing and I’m definitely not ready to give THAT up! I’m really finding myself liking him on a personal level too, which gives me mixed feelings about it all. If nothing else though, I know not to really trust him. You heard me say it! Now don’t let me forget….

I don’t know his reasons, I don’t know if his wife already knows. I mean, come on, she HAS to suspect that her high sex drive, super good in bed, hot, millionaire, traveling businessman husband is not faithful to her! I’ve seen pictures of her now too and she looks kind of mousy and quiet, like someone that would put up with whatever. I have to admit though, that if this guy were paying my bills, I probably would too…

He’s got no shame in putting his face out on public dating sites and he seems to avoid being seen in public with her much. Even one of the captions on a photo I saw of them together he just put “making appearances” and they weren’t touching. The one where I saw his ring they were, but she was kind of in the background of it all. It’s interesting to note body language.

On OKCupid, one of the questions he answered said he’d never been in love. I wonder if that’s true? How can you be almost 40 years old and never fallen in love before? Not even with your wife? It doesn’t make sense to me but I’m curious to learn more. I guess time will tell.

I understand the multitude of reasons why a man would lie about being married or even lie about being in an open relationship, if that’s what it were. Still, its dishonest and it makes me miss the Cohort even more. He’s really the only guy I’ve researched and found nothing but complete honesty to me. Even when it hurt, he told me the truth. I think that’s a big reason why I loved and still love him.

The Cohort contacted me a couple of weeks ago, via email and asked me to call him. He acted like it was important and I guess he went the email route because he had deleted my number to avoid temptation to get in touch. I called though, and he wanted to talk about bubble wrap. He wanted to ask me where he could get bubble wrap…seriously! I know for a fact he already orders it online for his business but he said he wanted to know where I got some that I gave him last year (it was from packaging on my kids toys that came in the mail).  It was obviously an excuse to talk to me.

He told me a little bit about what is going on in his life with car problems but things going well at work. He asked how I was doing and sounded a bit wistful. It ended there and we hung up. I didn’t hear from him on Christmas. My heart still hurts but I know I can survive without him and I feel like I made the right choice to walk away. I know right now, if he were to ask me to be with him for real, I would, but he hasn’t done that. I can’t hang around someone I care that much about and allow it to continue to cause me pain.

In other news, I went out with a new guy that I will not allow myself to see again. We had a fun date that ended up with him almost raping me in the back of his car. I was genuinely scared and that doesn’t happen often.

He is an executive chef at one of the big casinos here in the city. He said he used to work in New York and Washington and he only moved here 6 months ago. We met on OkCupid and over text he seemed a bit pushy at first. On the phone though, he was funny and I agreed to meet him at a very nice seafood restaurant for drinks and appetizers.

He showed up 20 minutes late and I was beginning to wonder if I should leave. I was sitting at the bar and didn’t order anything. He finally arrived, without any excuse. Now, I kind of suspect he did this on purpose, because after one drink they were about to close. We didn’t have time to order anything to eat.

He asked where the closest bar we could hang out at late was and they told him a place around the corner. When we got there he made a weird statement about how he goes there all the time. That threw me off a bit (didn’t he just have to ASK the bartenders where to go?). He also claimed to go to the seafood restaurant “all the time”. Anyway, we had more drinks and an appetizer at this jazz bar.

He was funny and fun to talk to, but super nosy. He was asking questions about who I was fucking and what was the guy’s name. He pressed and pressed until I finally gave him the first name of someone I am sleeping with (Radioman, who was the only safe option to say anything about and I see him regularly).

He immediately showed some signs of jealousy and was telling me about how he is going to make me forget about Radioman. Oh, and he also friend requested me on Facebook while we were out. He had figured out my last name somehow. I was a bit creeped out by this, but then you all know I do my own “research” so I was trying to be fair and not assume he is a stalker.  I accepted his request and laughed about his discovery.

I was slightly tipsy, but not drunk, when we decided to go home. I declined an offer to go back to his place but agreed to get in his car with him and “talk” for a minute because it was very cold outside. We got in the backseat and he proceeded to practically start ripping off my clothes.  I was a bit taken aback by how quickly he went there.

I told him to stop, told him no, told him I don’t want to do this and he just kept going. I was actually afraid and that doesn’t happen often. I had to be very verbally forceful to get him to finally stop. For a bit I there I didn’t think he was going to. He was putting his hands in my panties and saying he knew I wanted it, because of how wet I felt. But I didn’t want it. I didn’t feel good about him, despite the fun banter in the bar.

I finally was able to divert him from trying to fuck me by giving him a hand job. He came quickly and I was able to leave. Whew!

He called on the way home and apologized over voice mail. He said he was sorry and that he just was so turned on that he got carried away. He said he didn’t mean to be so aggressive and that he just lost control. Would I please give him another chance?

All that is well and good and I said okay but I really don’t want to see him again. He asked if I would and I said “maybe after the holidays”. After briefly contemplating giving him a second chance, I have decided there is no way! He is still on my Facebook, but I will probably delete him eventually. For now I plan to just blow him off.

I LIKE guys that are dominant, I LIKE guys that go after what they want and don’t ask. I DON’T like it when someone ignores my boundaries and plows on. If I am repeatedly telling someone STOP and they won’t, that is too much. Yes, I still gave him a handjob. I didn’t know what else to do to get him to back off because my words were not working. Obviously, he was stronger than me.

Even after all the experiences I have had, I still found myself in this situation. Sometimes I ignore my gut feelings about guys and I’m still learning to trust my intuition. Gut says he’s married, he probably is! It says to be careful, then WATCH OUT!

Now if only I could get my intuition to make sense when it comes to the Cohort. It’s still in confusion. I still feel like he loves me, even though his actions aren’t really proving that at all. It’s been 6 months and it really only feels like days since I’ve seen him. Maybe I will never see him again, but I just haven’t completely come to terms with that.

An anal adventure…..

borisk

So many interesting stories to tell, but time to write in my blog has been eluding me. Life has kept me extremely busy lately. Some of it has been working my new job, which I really am enjoying, but I have also been having some play time! Just wait till you hear about my most recent sexscapade!! 🙂

FINALLY, after months of failure to sign in, Tinder started working again on my phone! Yay!! Of course, one of the first people to pop up on my screen was the Cohort. 😦 Reading his profile was excruciatingly painful but I managed to make myself swipe no and move on. We haven’t spoken in over six weeks or seen each other in months and I’m still struggling to get past it and him. Not that its kept me from dating or having sex, but my heart hasn’t been in it.

So of course, right away I went and responded to the poor guy that I left hanging after a wonderful date because the app stopped working! He was happy to hear I hadn’t gotten married and disappeared while he was off on business trips and quickly invited me out again. I still liked him, even though he talked A LOT and only hugged me at the end of the first three dates.

I actually complained to Mr. Firm that I was getting impatient, like, why isn’t this guy trying to fuck me yet?? Lol I was like he’s hot, he’s wealthy, he’s a former college football player, I know he can’t be that shy about making a move! He even made comments about how Tinder was a hook up site, yet, he didn’t seem to be trying to hook up!

I was getting a little frustrated, though it wasn’t like I wasn’t having sex. I’ve been with the Boring guy and Radioman a fair amount of times lately. Radioman has been pretty good in bed too… Sometimes he surprises me with a little kinkiness and he’s done stuff like spank me over his knee (blushing). I saw Chicago once more, and it still just didn’t do it for me. More recently, I got to see Mr. Firm, which was super hot as usual!! I hadn’t seen him in ages and he definitely still wows me in the bedroom! Then there was this new guy that is barely worth a mention, except for he took me to some really expensive restaurants. We did finally have sex but it kind of sucked and I hated the way he kissed. Oh, and the Pilot, he met me one day at work and we snuck away for a quickie (terrible I know) in an empty parking lot. It was fun but that was after I finally slept with this new guy.

I will call him The CEO. He is a big deal boss at his job and flies all over the place. A comment he made after we had sex, makes me pretty sure he is a millionaire. Not really surprising given where he lives and the company that he works for. I did a quick bit of research after that and some of his co-workers are making 7-8 million a year. He’s actually pretty down to earth though and not really flashy about it.

He’s almost too good to be true, good looking with pretty hazel eyes, built like a brick house, quite the gentleman, remembers to text, plans ahead and calls me beautiful…which makes me wonder if he’s hiding a wife somewhere. I guess you can never be sure, but he claims he’s not. We did have our first encounter at a hotel because he said his sister was babysitting his child at his place.

Suspect? Lol Maybe, though who knows, he could be for real. He says women always think that he is married or sleeping around because he travels a lot, but that he is not and doesn’t have all the time to be sleeping around that they think because he is working so much.

That is what he says, though after sex with him, I’m going to say I understand why they think that!! That, and who are all these women that are saying this stuff if he’s not getting around?? LMAO Not that I really care… 😉 He’s away on business trips all the time, out of sight, out of mind. 🙂

So, our first night together, he invited me back to a hotel room he had rented for the sole purpose of our “date”. It was a very nice hotel, almost more like a condo. It had a living room with couches and a fireplace, a full kitchen, plus a separate bedroom. He poured us glasses of a delicious wine and we talked and hung out for a good long time before he made any moves whatsoever. I was still wondering if it might not happen.

Finally, he asked if I wanted a massage. Wow, a man who actually gives massages! So many promise or allude to it and never do! He was very good with his hands too, massaging my shoulders and back. Then he wanted me to straddle his lap for a kiss. I was starting to worry that he was going to want to be dominated, lol. He had made this comment on a previous date, asking about when I was going to make a move on him and that had kind of put me off. Like ugh, ME make a move on HIM? No thanks…

Anyhow, I obliged and did as he asked. His kisses were nice and he soon suggested a move to the bedroom.

In there, he turned into a BEAST. I kid you not, I was completely floored by the change in demeanor once the clothes came off! They came off quickly too, lol. He was complaining that I had too many on at first (it was a little chilly and I was wearing leggings under a skirt). He practically ripped my leggings and panties off before grabbing my legs and yanking me across the bed so he could attack my pussy with his tongue. He was gooood at that too!!

He licked and fingered me into ecstasy before telling me to take off the rest of my clothes and stripping off his own. I was all to happy to do as he asked and the minute he got on top of me the worries of him wanting a dominatrix were gone, lol. He was definitely the one in control and he was very good at what he was doing too!!

He had me in all kinds of positions and every one of them felt amazing! He was very dominant but very sweet and affectionate too, jusssst the way I like it! I couldn’t get enough of him! We kept going for hours and I gave him some really long blowjobs in there too, but he never did cum. Ah well, maybe next time… I could tell he was really enjoying himself and he was rock hard, but it didn’t happen.

The most surprising part though, was when he had me lying on my stomach on the bed, near the end. He had gone close to my asshole a few times, like he was thinking about anal and I’d kind of tensed up and let him know nonverbally that I didn’t really want to. He laughed it off and just went back to regular fucking.

This time though, after hours of great sex, I guess my reserve was worn down a little bit. It was so good I probably would have done anything he wanted at that point anyway. He got near there and I again flinched. He was holding my wrists and had me pinned on my stomach on the edge of the bed. This time he didn’t move away but started putting a lot of pressure on my ass with his dick, not actually going in. I tensed up, but didn’t say anything and he started kissing my neck and whispering in my ear until I relaxed. The very moment my body let go of control, he pushed his dick up my ass. I let out a gasp but I didn’t try to stop him.

There was no lube used or anything like that, but surprisingly it didn’t hurt. Granted everything was super wet down there already. He kept still like that for awhile and me pinned under him where I couldn’t wriggle away, letting me get used to the feel before he started to move. He was gentle at first, kissing my neck and he asked if I was okay a couple of times due to the whimpering but he didn’t stop and was fucking me progressively harder as time went on.

Like I said, he never came but he eventually let me up and was very affectionate afterwards. It was like 5 o’clock in the morning before I finally got up to go home and we never slept.

Its hard to describe how it made me feel. In a way it almost felt like he took my virginity. Only, I’ve had some anal experiences before but they didn’t last more than a few seconds and each of those was painful. This was different. I wouldn’t say I’d go out of my way to do it again, but I’m not entirely opposed to it either. I was a little sore the next day. My arms had bruises on them from where he was gripping me too.

The sex, and I’m not sure how much the anal affected it, overall, made me feel completely different about him than I did prior to sleeping together. During, and right after, I felt super submissive towards him. I was flooded with all those “in love” type chemicals and it even made me feel for awhile like I was over the Cohort. For days afterwards I was in a bit of a haze. I think I am finally past that part, but he is on a business trip and we have plans to meet up again soon. I’m going to have to be careful with this one!

Life goes on…

radio-mic-1-2

Wow, it seems like a lot has happened since the last time I updated my blog! Where to even start? I guess you’d probably like to hear about the new man I am sleeping with, and maybe some updates on the Cohort ;). By the way, he and Mr. Firm met each other recently, at a party, lol. I wasn’t there though. I’ll elaborate on that too, in a minute.

I recently discovered Tinder, which was awesome, for like the week and a half it actually worked on my phone!! A girlfriend told me about it and how she had like 7 dates in a week, so I thought it would be fun to try. It was!! Until it stopped working and all the uninstalling and reinstalling was to no avail. 😦

I even lost a great potential man, because we had gone on a date but never exchanged actual phone numbers. I was getting notifications that he was emailing me but couldnt access the app or respond. Grrrr….. So, screw Tinder, but I can’t be too mad because I did meet one man I actually like. 🙂

I will call him Radioman. He works in advertising for one of my favorite radio stations. He also coaches the same sport that the Professor did. By the way, for those of you who remember the Professor, he’s been kind of stalking my swinger profile lately. Interesting, though I’m pretty sure I would never fuck him again at this point. Like I keep saying, men always come back. Heck, the Producer texted me recently too, and mentioned that he is getting married- and its not to the woman he was so in love with either!! He said she is with a white guy now. Told you so! 😉

Back to Radioman. So far, he seems pretty cool. I enjoy spending time with him and he is good in bed. I’ve never told him about swinging though and we did the traditional 3 dates before sex. I’m just not sure when to bring something like that up, you know? Its awkward when you meet someone in another context.

He actually asked me if I want an exclusive relationship. I told him its too early for me to decide. I do like him a lot so far, but I’m not sure yet if I want THAT. Its frustrating…it seems like men either want to go all in the minute you meet them or they are running as fast and far away as they can get from any sort of commitment. I just want to get to know someone first and see if its workable or not.

There is a big part of me that would love to just have that one guy in my life, stability, safety and seriousness. Yet, I’m just not sure if I’d start feeling claustrophobic. An open relationship, where I am Numero Uno, sounds ideal in many ways, but I am starting to lose hope that I will ever be able to find that. I would have loved something like that with the Cohort, but I can’t handle NOT having the assurance of being number one and like most men who want something “open” he didn’t want to give me that.

Back to Radioman- I like him but there are a few red flags when it comes to a long term thing. Mainly, he has 3 children with 3 different mothers. He’s actually a grandpa too, even though he is my age, because one of his teenage daughters has a toddler. It also means that despite having a great paying job (plus a side job coaching), he’s not doing that well financially- due to all the child support he has to shell out. :p I mean he has a decent home and car and all that, just says he has some struggles.

Other things though, are great! He’s made me dinner a couple of times and is a great cook. He’s been easygoing and fun to hang out with. He’s not bothered at all by the number of children I have. Plus, he gets free tickets to fun events and has been giving some to me. 🙂 Did I mention he’s pretty good in bed? He hasnt slacked on going down on me either. 😉 Mmmm…

I so wish Tinder would have worked longer, because I was getting hit up by a ton of nice looking guys. The other guy I met in person seemed fantastic too! He travels a lot for his job at a medical research company and used to play football for a major college on the east coast. He still looked like it too and had pretty hazel eyes. I was totally interested but since I couldn’t reply to his email, it seems all is lost.

I’ve also got a new job myself, that is getting me out there and around a lot of people. I’m getting hit on all the time. Like every time I work (and its a part time thing) I have at least a couple of men asking for my number or something. Its been fun, though I haven’t followed through with any of those men yet. It’s always fun to be swarmed with attention and have options though! 🙂

It’s all helping me keep my mind off the Cohort, though he has been calling again too. Let me explain what finally happened with him.

After my last post about him, I did hear from him again. He tried to call and I didnt answer. I texted him that it hurt me too much to talk as a friend, after all that had happened. He said it was an emergency though and I picked up the phone. He wanted to tell me about how someone had stolen money from his Paypal account and we ended up talking.

A couple of days later he called again wanting my help with work stuff and I reiterated that this was too painful. After that we didn’t talk for a couple of weeks.

Then he hit me up again saying that he misses me and that he thought it would just go away but it hasn’t. I admit this tore at my heart but I’m trying to stay strong. I know I could not, at this point, accept what he is wanting to give me, which is basically crumbs. I care too much about him to be anything less than #1.

It was then that he told me about meeting Mr. Firm. He said they met at a swinger party and he wanted to know why I couldn’t just have the same type of relationship with him that I do with Mr. Firm. I was kind of baffled that he didn’t seem to understand this, but tried to explain that my feelings for him are different and that Mr. Firm already had a serious relationship with someone else. The Cohort said I was “punishing” him because he is single.

What?? I said it doesn’t feel good to hear that my love and affection are a punishment. Men. I’m really trying to wrap my head around how they see things. Not to mention I hardly ever see Mr. Firm anymore. I said is that really what you want, to see me once or twice a year? He said no, he didnt realize it was that infrequent.

He also claimed that the couple who was throwing the party told him that they think I am “playing” him and pretending to want a relationship when I really don’t. He said he had to set them straight and tell them it was him who didn’t want a relationship. He said they saw me with other men at parties (in the past, like the Prof) who didnt want to share me with anyone and thought I was leading him on.

I was like, well, there goes my image as a “player”! Seriously though, I’m still trying to digest this one. Mr. Firm said everyone was busy having sex and drinking so he doesn’t know how a conversation like that would have even come up, but the Cohort tends to be pretty honest. My head is spinning.

On the plus side, the Cohort and Mr. Firm seemed to like each other. They both said positive things about one another, though they didn’t actually discuss knowing me when they met. If only it had happened earlier, now all my fantasies of a threesome with two of my favorite men in bed, are pretty much shot! 😉 Lol Ah well….

OH, and I had another dream about the Cohort’s mother, before he told me about this party. It was weird because she has been dead for quite some time and I have never met her, but it is the second dream I have had (the first one was after the first miscarriage). In this one, the Cohort was with another woman, one who was very unattractive and I was upset. His mother walked with me over to the two of them and he broke away from the woman to come and hug and kiss me. His mom said to me “I am so happy that you forgave him, I know he loves you”. Then she later told me that she was totally okay with how many kids I have and that I am the one for her son. Wishful thinking? Sigh… If only it were a message from the other side. My heart still feels that for him and this is so hard for me.

In any case, he has still tried a few more times to talk to me. Most recently, yesterday, he texted to ask if I will go to a swinger party with him! I was sort of shocked that he would think this would be okay. Does he really not understand that I need to have the assurance that I am SAFE with him before doing this again? That I can’t be disconnected from him and then go to a party where we are fucking other people in front of each other? I tried to explain.

He says he misses me, and not just for the sex. I’m glad to hear that because I miss him too, but its not enough. Its not enough for me to subject myself to the way I felt when he took that woman to a party. I seriously could have hurt someone. I was so angry and upset!! The thoughts going through my mind were horrible and it was all I could do not to follow through on them. He’s lucky his car and windows weren’t destroyed and no one was hurt. Seriously, I FELT like acting like a psycho!

I just CAN’T put myself in that position. No. Like I told him recently, he didn’t do anything wrong and that’s the problem. I need it to be wrong. I cant handle it being “okay” for him to do things that hurt me. I’m not going to stick around for that.

He says he understands and doesn’t want to hurt me. Yet he keeps offering me half assed things like friendship and swinger parties. I love him too much to settle for that. It’s all or nothing now.

In the meantime, I’m doing everything I can to keep my mind of him. I won’t say it’s totally working, but I havent broken down and cried and that is a good thing, I think. At least for now keeping busy is seeming to help.

The married man, I havent seen him again but he told me that he is leaving his wife and wants to be with me and only me. WTF? The next day he texted to ask if I would have a threesome with him and some “good friend” (female) of his. Eyeroll…

I’ve spent some more time with the Boring guy and he’s obviously making an attempt to be more interesting, which is nice. He took me to a concert as a double date with one of his friends (my suggestion, but he paid, which was awesome) and has found a new restaurant near his place that we have gone to a couple of times.

I’m still a little put off by his self absorbtion though. :p For example, he watches himself in the mirror while we have sex. Not me, or us, HIMSELF. Ugh.

Oh well, its better than sitting around pining for the Cohort, for sure. He’s making it extra hard by keeping contacting me, but I’m determined not to accept anything less than his best. As of yet, I am not getting that and I’d rather spend my time with men I am not in love with that be continually hurting over one I do.

Took a trip, and am I tripping?

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I haven’t even had a chance to tell you all about another man in my life! We will call him Chicago. He lives here in my city half the time, but travels back and forth to his home in Chicago every couple of weeks. He works from home doing some kind of computer engineering, but prefers living there, to here (where his child is) so he has condos in both places.

Actually, he recently flew ME to Chicago to stay with him for a weekend! He wined and dined me and took me to my first comedy show- to see Cedric the Entertainer. It was an exciting weekend for me, with getting to travel and experience new things. His condo has a beautiful view of Lake Michigan and he took me to a delicious steak house, where he dropped well over $200 for dinner.

Here’s the view of Lake Michigan from his condo:
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And my lovely bubbling drink at the steak house:

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I’d had some car troubles, thanks to my teenager (long story), so Chicago covered rental vehicles for me to take my kids to their dads, and also paid for my gas. His brother drove me to the airport. Obviously, this guy is doing alright financially. 😉

Actually, he’s been probably more of a Sugar Daddy than any of the others, buying and giving me things here and there. He gave me a brand new printer for my computer and bought me a shawl so I wouldn’t need to borrow his jacket when we go out. He’s taken me out for lots of dinners at nice restaurants and to the movies several times.

Sounds fabulous right? Well, not quite. I’m really, just not feeling this guy. I just can’t bring myself to LIKE him that much. I’m trying, really I am, but it’s just not there.

He’s obviously doting on me, and being a nice person. He claims to like me a lot. Yet, some things just really bug me. I’ve finally figured out that he reminds me of my ex husband.

He reminds me of him in SEVERAL ways. One, is how he acts in the bedroom. We just can’t seem to have good sex. There is like, NO chemistry. He’s doing some of the same things that other guys do, at least trying to be good, but it’s just not working for me! It’s so weird.

One of the things that bothers me, is that he just doesn’t seem to be able to, or maybe he’s just not interested in, reading my body language. If I don’t like something, and try to make it clear, he just keeps trying to do the same damn thing!

Like he has an obsession with trying to lick my nipples. Sometimes I like that, but not the way he does it. He will lunge toward my nipples with his tongue flicking out and I am like cringing. I’ll kind of push him away and he comes back again in full force. So I actually covered my nipples with my hands and he tried to pull them off! I wouldn’t let him so he’s laughing about it, what you don’t like that? I said they feel sensitive and now he harrasses me about it, major turnoff. He is constantly trying to do what I have made clear I wasn’t feeling.

What’s crazy is that my ex husband would try to do that very same thing and act the very same way about it- annoyed with ME for not enjoying something. Get over it already and quit trying to do something I’m obviously not liking! Sheesh!

That’s just one example. The rest of the sex just isn’t working well either. I just don’t like it.

I’m sure some of it, is that he’s just NOT the Cohort. I’m emotionally attached and it makes it hard for me to be with someone new. I only started seeing this guy after the last miscarriage, when I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with he and I.

Still, it’s not just the bedroom where he’s acting insensitive. He doesn’t seem to pay any attention to the things I SAY to him. It’s like he cuts me off or changes the subject or just says “uh-huh” like I’m not saying anything interesting. It’s very upsetting to me to not feel heard when I am talking. That too, is very much like my ex, who brushed off anything I wanted to talk about (outside of the Bible or politics) as unimportant.

He also has a tendency to over-explain things to me, like he thinks I am an idiot or something. It makes me feel like a child. He took me to a park the other day (and to eat afterwards) and insisted on looking up the history of the park on his phone and reading to me about how it was donated by some woman whose husband owned a biscuit factory, like he was giving me a lesson. TOTALLY like my ex husband, who was always lecturing about something.

He actually wanted to talk about scripture on our last date. Uggggghhh… he said because it was something “different” than what most people talk about and he thought it would be a nice change of pace. I spent 15 years talking about the Bible. I didn’t want to be rude but I really didn’t feel like elaborating on my thoughts about various passages of scripture. It felt torturous.

He wants to hold hands, and be “romantic” all the time but it makes my skin crawl. I feel guilty, but I can’t help it! It’s frustrating.

Anyway, when we got back to his place, I decided to play a little game, just to test and see if he actually does listen to anything I say. I asked him some questions about myself to see if he knew the answers to any of them, all things I had told him before. I was like what color are my eyes? He said “blue” (we were in candlelight and my eyes are green). I asked how many siblings do I have, where did I go to high school, what did I major in in college? He got them ALL wrong. Then I let him ask me stuff and I got every single answer RIGHT. Because I actually freaking LISTEN when someone is talking to me!

It bothers me so much, that I don’t know if I can stand it much longer, even with all the perks. His birthday is coming up soon and he has decided he wants me to make him a picnic with wine and grapes and strawberries that we feed each other on a blanket outside, and then I give him backrubs. It sounds kind of like Hell on earth. Not sure how to get out of it without being rude though.

I guess all this kind of explains why my trip to Chicago, while fun in some ways, just wasn’t what it was cracked up to be. The whole time I was really missing the Cohort and wishing he was the one with me. We would have had SO much fun, doing those exact same things together. Heck, I can have a blast with the Cohort at the grocery store! Lol

Chicago took me to the store with him the other day and I was miserable. He took like an hour to buy stuff and it was soooo boring. It reminded me of being a kid and getting dragged along on errands with old people. Bleah.

I was positively aching for the Cohort the whole time I was away in Chicago. He didn’t even know I was gone (it was two days, one night) but I missed him something awful. Then he called, right as I was boarding the plane. I told him where I was and actually ended up getting MAD at him for no reason. I think it was just all that pent up resentment that I was spending my time with someone else, when he was who I’d rather be sharing all this with. At that time we were trying not to have sex with each other.

We couldn’t talk after the plane took off, so I stewed on my thoughts for awhile and finally figured out that was what it was. So I told him the truth and said I missed you and the whole time I was here I wanted to be with you. Being with this guy was mostly meant to take my mind OFF of him, but it hasn’t been working very well.

I am so a city girl ;)

Ahhhh….life in the city. Despite all the setbacks with moving here, I am loving it! It immediately felt like home to me, and the little suburb we are in just really fits.

I’m so close to all these things I’ve never had a chance to do or try, stuff that it seems pretty much everyone else living in the real world has done. I was so sheltered for so long, and even though my teen years were wild, I was still pretty young when I met and started dating my ex husband. I was married and had completely STOPPED drinking before I ever turned 21, lol. Some of the men I have spoken with here have been shocked that I’ve never been to a casino, a karaoke bar, a comedy show, or any of a myriad of other basics that I missed out on during all those years I was living in a radically religious environment.

I’m like a kid in a candy store, only I’m held back a bit because I have actual kids. So my time is limited. My responsibilities haven’t changed, though I do have family nearby and more options for babysitting. Even though I love to play, my children are still a priority.

Well, money holds me back too, lol, but I’ve been beginning to discover that there are seemingly men all around in this lovely metropolis that have plenty of it to share. 😉 In fact, I went out with a man yesterday who paid $45 to have my laundry done for me so I wouldn’t “have to sit in the laundromat” (my dryer broke and I am waiting on a new one to arrive). He also took me out to lunch and tonight he wants to take me to a casino, possibly in one of the limo’s he says his business owns. I’m assuming I get to play with his money, and he is getting a room there as well. ::: squeal :::

This guy is kind of an interesting situation. I met him on Craigslist, where he was looking for a submissive, white, female, but he is on the swinger site as well and I had seen his profile before (though there are no pics). It says he is 49, but I am suspecting he may be a little older. He was different, in that he wasn’t looking to play with married women, but only single ones. His swinger profile says something about wanting a poly relationship.

Over lunch he made a comment about another woman he is seeing. He later told me he would like for me to meet her, but that there will be no pressure to play together, its entirely up to us. He’s actually been pretty cool so far about being fine with me doing whatever I want as well.

He’s decent enough looking, if older, and owns his own business, which clearly makes some bank. He was talking about how he likes to do things for people and wants to know what I’m dealing with because he may be able to “help out” in some way or another. According to him, he told one woman he is not a “sugar daddy” but then he is kind of belying that with his behavior. So I guess we will see. I’m not trying to take advantage of anyone but if he wants to pay for stuff I am totally cool with that!! 😉

He even mentioned the possibility of buying me a new phone! Mine is having major issues so that would definitely be nice! I’m not getting half my texts and some aren’t going out. It is driving me crazy! It really messes up communication with people and kind of fucks with my abandonment issues (as well as others). I’m trying to keep my cool and figuring the people who want to stay in my life will, regardless.

His voice sounds an awful lot like The Professor’s. Kinda funny. In a way I sort of like that. I wonder what he will be like in bed??

I’ve not had as much sex as you might expect, so far, living here, but I have been super busy with life in general. I did sleep with the Host once since I have been here and most recently I met another new man. He is an interesting situation as well!

This guy, I also met on Craigslist. I did a little browsing and responded to a few different ads the other day. 😉 Turns out he is a guy who had ALSO hit me up recently on the swinger site. Damn, us sex addicts are always on all the sites, lmao.

Anyhow, this one I had actually responded to, and he had emailed back but we just hadn’t taken it further yet and then we met on Craigslist. Kinda funny. He too, was specifically seeking out white girls. What’s REALLY funny is that it turns out he used to date a girl I went to high school with!

She is blonde, short and curvy and has a very pretty face. I think she may have been a cheerleader. I remember her from back in the day because she was running around with some of the same crowd and dating some of the same guys that I was. We weren’t personally good friends or anything but I don’t have anything against her.

Still competing with the same girls I was in high school, for the same guys though, lol, how fucked up is that?? I’m in a totally different city, HE is in a totally different city than either of us, wtf?? Hahaha What’s even funnier is that very recently I have seen a lot of pics of her on Facebook, because she is working with one of my GIRLS from back in the day, peddling a beauty product.

This girlfriend of mine and I used to get into hella trouble, so I know she is no angel, lolol. In fact I had halfway considered getting her to come to some swinger parties with me when I ran into her again on Facebook. She is a tall, slender but curvy, black girl that is now rocking her natural hair and has always been a fashion queen. She used to CRACK me up at parties with her side comments to me about things people were wearing. Things I would never even notice, like the fact that some guy had come with a rope holding up his pants instead of a belt, lmao. She’d be all under her breath “would you check out THE BELT” and have me on the verge of spitting out my drink. Hahahaha

We grew up on the poor side of town and none of us had money, but her mom was a crackhead and her dad was homeless. Her mom had these giant wine glasses in the house that were the size of your head and we used to steal them to go to keg parties where you had to pay for your beer by the cup. Somehow we managed to get away with it, lol, and ended up with a free beer buffet.

She also used to do all her makeup at the store. Like, we’d walk in and she’d be opening up packages and just put on her face right there plus a little perfume. Haha… Somehow she never got caught and always ended up looking good. We’ve all grown up, but I’m not sure she isn’t still a klepto, especially when it comes to clothes.

I love her to death but I’m not sure hanging out with her at this point in my life would be a good idea, lol. I also know how she is about guys and she likes the pretty ones…really good looking but super conceited and complete assholes. I haven’t seen a whole lot of her “type” at the swinger parties.

Anyhow, this guy said he was with the BOTH of them this past weekend, his ex and my friend. He said they were at a bar and my friend got stood up by some guy and was pissed. Yep…I told you, she likes the assholes, lol. She even dated the guy I refer to as “The Asshole” in some of my other posts, a former fuck buddy of mine, for a bit. Never!! I couldn’t stand him like that! 

Not sure what that means with this guy and his ex/”friend” but I don’t really care. I told him just not to tell them where he met me and he was like “uh, same to you” LMAO. It did make him seem like a safer option than some of the other guys I had talked with off Craigslist and I ended up hanging with him. I even accidentally stood up another guy I had planned to meet later, at a hotel. Ooops!! I got a little occupied and totally forgot!!

He took me out for dinner and drinks at a very nice restaurant in the heart of the city. We talked a lot and I got a little tipsy and we went to a hotel around the corner. He ran in to see how much it cost and said it was a lot but he told the guy at the front counter “fuck it, it’s worth it” and paid. 😉

This guy working there was a trip. He was a young black man, maybe in his 20’s, with dreads. After the guy I was with went in the restroom, he kept asking me about what we were up to that night. He was like “you two are gonna kick it aren’t you?” alluding to the fact that he knew we were about to have sex. Well, yeah, no luggage, Sunday night…last minute…um…

Then I ran into the restroom and when I came out the guy I came with was like “that guy is really interested in you, and he kept asking me if we were going to ‘kick it'”. LMFAO!

In any case, the sex was pretty good. He was maybe not quite as dominant in bed as I would have liked but I did get to cum. He kept stopping right before I would cum several times and was trying to hush me a bit, which I hate, but whatever. For the most part it was good and he was good with his tongue and fingers too, which I haven’t had much of lately so I was enjoying that. 😉 He wants to meet up again later this week.

I’ve been talking to some more guys but I don’t have time to explain that all at the moment. We will wait until something actually happens. 😉

Masquerading as a man

Jessie-Matthews1

So I decided to try being a man for awhile.  Don’t get too excited, I only mean online.  I decided to make a man’s profile on Plenty of Fish.

WTF Lovergirl?  Why the hell would you do that?  Don’t worry, I haven’t decided I don’t want to be a woman anymore,  lol.  The PINK, people, look at the pink blog you are reading!! No worries about a sex change here anywhere in the near future. 😉

In fact, I have decided that being a man, totally sucks!!  I am more glad than ever that I was born a female, haha. 🙂  I’m especially thankful not to be a man, trying to meet women via online dating.

It all began when I was chatting the other night with a few men from an online forum.  One of the guys was saying he had given up on trying to date women online, that he thought he was too “ugly” and wasn’t getting enough responses.  I’ve seen his profile and photos and thought he was being ridiculous.  I was like, it’s not your looks, it has to be your attitude, and chided him a bit for giving up so “easily”.

The other guys were agreeing with him that if you are an average looking guy, not many women will respond to your advances.  I wasn’t convinced.  I thought he just needed to exude more CONFIDENCE.

SO, in order to prove a point, I decided to make a man’s profile, and see how I would do.  The guys helped me pick out a photo.  I was going to be a very average looking white guy, with an average build, wearing an average t-shirt, and we decided his job would be “computer programmer”.  He only had “some college” as his education, no kids and never been married.  We picked an average city for him to be from, and fairly average hobbies.

I thought we could say he was military, because of his haircut, but the guys said no. According to them, he’d get laid on that alone. What?? Okay, okay, guilty. LMFAO 

The object here, was to help this poor guy get some sex, or at least a chance at a date.  Of course, I had no intention of actually following up on any emails with women under this guise, or standing up any of them for dates.  That would be too mean.  We were just going to see if he could get RESPONSES. 

I full well believed the guys when they say women don’t usually randomly hit them up on sites like that.  I mean, I generally wouldn’t do that either.  Even if I found a guy attractive, the chances of me SAYING anything to him are slim.  Heck, I don’t usually even browse sites like that much at all.  I just open my email every few days or so and scroll down the long list of guys who have messaged me to see if any catch my interest.

My attitude has always been a little bit of annoyance when men complain about this, actually.  I mean, why would they expect us to make the first move??  Men generally don’t even LIKE women being forward with them.  At least that’s what women are told, and it seems to ring true.  You get too upfront with guys and they run away scared, lol.

The Professor used to complain about women not hitting him up on the swinger site and I’m like WTH, of course they don’t!  That’s the man’s job right?  To pursue women is all on them.  I didn’t have a whole lot of sympathy.  It’s kind of against nature to expect women to go around approaching men for sex.  The reactions we get for even admitting we WANT that can be pretty strong from most of the population.

Anyhow, the experiment ensued.  Mr. Plain and Boring was infused with a really awesome personality and loads of confidence.  Because behind the mask was…well, ME, lmao, and we all know how awesome of a person I am. 😉  I wrote up what I thought was a pretty entertaining and intriguing profile.  The men agreed.

Right away I got an email from a woman.  Score!  She had a pretty face.  I showed her to the guys in chat and they were like, “no, no…she’s overweight.  You can tell by the angle of her pics. ”  They said one really big girl didn’t count and I needed to be able to get attractive, average to thin bodied females, to respond. 

Okay, whatever.  I went to work finding women to email.  That was actually harder than I expected.  I thought there would be more attractive ladies out there, but maybe I am just picky.  The girls I finally ended up choosing for this guy, were all very cute. It just took a lot of work scrolling through the not so hot ones.

Let me just stop and say here.. that women are fucking crazy!!  This is the first time I’ve really bothered to read a bunch of female profiles, and ladies, seriously, I am embarrassed for my gender.  Women will have all these pics posted of themselves, say, wearing a g-string bikini, bending over and doing all sorts of sexy poses, then their profile reads “I’m not looking for men who want sex and don’t be trying to put your hand on my leg on a date!!”  (true story).  I actually laughed out loud at the dissonance in some of these profiles. 

Anhow, my alter ego emailed about 20 women, with what I thought were pretty good and unique opening lines.  The guys in chat thought so too.  No response.  Not a single one.  About 8 or so of them eventually viewed the profile (a feature I’d barely even noticed existed before, you can see who has been looking at you). 

He followed up with one or two of the women who viewed him, but I was losing steam.  This was depressing…and a lot of WORK.  Sheesh.  All I do normally, is email someone back, who sent me an email earlier, and I usually get a response right away.

It’s totally disappointing to log into a dating site and not have an email from a SINGLE person.  What a let down.  I totally feel a little more for the guys now.

I got excited for a minute when I saw someone had said “yes” they want to meet him on the “meet me” feature.  I clicked to see who it was and it my enthusiasm deflated.  Yet another grotesquely obese lady, and this one didn’t even have a very pretty face.

I haven’t taken down the profile yet, and maybe I’ll give it another whirl here soon, but boy, this is TIRING, from an average man’s perspective.  I never stopped to think just how much EFFORT some guys have to put into getting someone to have sex with them.  I know I should have, because I’ve been on a forum for guys who are trying to get help with getting laid for awhile, but this was still pretty eye opening for me. 

Now I know why men are always showing “online” on the swinger site, lol.  Here I thought it was just because they are perving all the naked pictures.  Now I realize at least some of that time they are probably busting their butts sending out emails, haha.  I am one of those women who often sucks at responding too.  A lot of times I don’t even read them and when I do it’s rare for me to email back, unless I see something I really like.

I’m spoiled, but I like it.  I totally love being a female.  Wouldn’t change it for the world.  Especially now that I have ventured over there and gotten a little taste of what it means to be a man.  No thanks!!!  No penis envy here, whatsoever!!  LOL 😉 

I feel bad for you men. What do you want as your consolation prize? A cookie? You can’t have this one!! Don’t go trying to get it on the first date either!! I’m playing….lol, don’t try to kill me 😉 hahaha

Slightly scary swinger party

hillbilly-family

This weekend I went on what was basically a blind date, to a swinger party.  The guy who invited me was someone who found me last week on the swinger site. We had texted back and forth a little bit, but the only face picture I had seen of him, he was wearing sunglasses and standing at a distance. 

Really, the only reason I considered going with him was because my other plans for the weekend hadn’t worked out.  I had been kind of annoyed with his texting the week before.  He had asked me to drive and meet him over an hour away and I wasn’t going to all that trouble for a man I’d never met, especially when it was raining sleet and the roads were questionable to drive on.

So I turned him down on that offer and since he wasn’t willing to come my way either, we didn’t meet.  Still, he sent a few racy pictures.  One was of his LIMP cock.  I was like WTF?  He said “you need to make it hard” and I was thinking “you need to make it wet” and briefly considered sending him back a pic of a dry vagina, a desert, or maybe some sandpaper.

Kind of a rocky start.  Then he texted me on Friday night asking if I would attend a swinger party with him here in town.  Well, I didn’t have any other plans yet and two of the swinger parties I MIGHT have gone to weren’t going to happen, so I said yes.  I wanted to be doing SOMETHING fun.

Let me tell you a little bit about the other swinger parties and what happened there first.  Remember Mr. Host?  HE was having a swinger party too, but he didn’t invite me!!! He MENTIONED the party though, I suspect by mistake, the week before. 

He had wanted me to come see him because I was supposed to be heading that way that weekend and I decided against it due to weather.  After having recently gotten in an accident on the ice I am pretty leery of driving long distances when the roads might not be doing well, plus I have to cross several bridges on the way and those are kind of scary.

When I was 4 years old, we were driving across the country to Connecticut and hit a patch of ice on a bridge.  The car spun around several times and almost went over the edge of the bridge.  When it stopped, we were facing oncoming traffic.  That experience is still lingering in my mind.

Anyhow, I wasn’t driving.  Mr. Firm is up that general direction as well and his family was not feeling well, plus he didn’t think I should risk it.  Mr. Host, on the other hand, was irritated with me.  He later said “you could have made the drive”.  Yeah, and risk my life for you?  No thanks.  He’s just not THAT important to me, you know?  Plus, he could have made the drive down to see ME but didn’t even suggest that.

So he was like “I guess we can see each other at the party next week, but I really wanted some alone time with you”.  Party?  What party?  I said I hadn’t gotten invited to the party and he said oh, that the one guy who sent out the invites must have “overlooked” me.  PLEASE.  He is the host of the party and HAD to have double checked.  Plus, supposedly he wanted us to have a COUPLE profile and me to help him with them.  I sincerely doubt I would just be “overlooked”.  Whatever. 

I didn’t give him any drama about it.  It’s not worth my time and I don’t really care that much, but it is kind of insulting.  He doesn’t invite Mr. Firm, and now me.  The two coolest people at any of his parties by a long shot. 😉  His loss, lol.

The funny thing is he still wants to see me and have sex.  I can venture a few guesses as to why he didn’t invite me.  It may have something to do with the not so great interaction I had with his cousins the last time.  Possibly it could be due to the one woman who always wants to sleep in his bed and her feelings.  I wasn’t interested in sleeping with her husband (the old guy) and that could be a problem too.  Mr. Firm said the Host may even have a different woman he wanted to invite and spend the night with him, and that is a possibility too.

If that were the case, there really isn’t anything wrong with it.  It’s not like he and I are boyfriend and girlfriend or anything serious.  We don’t even text much outside of going to the parties, though he has talked repeatedly about wanting to spend a weekend with me or doing something alone.  He also has to pay my gas and that can get expensive.  The last time it was $50 and the time before he gave me $100.

Even after claiming I was overlooked, he didn’t bother to send me an invitation. So I am pretty sure he didn’t want me to come.  Only time will tell if he does in the future.  Meanwhile, I was invited to ANOTHER house party up that way. 

The other house party was being thrown by the brother of the first house party I ever went to.  He was a guy I had played just a little bit with there, in a sort of orgy situation.  We didn’t have sex but I think he fingered me, and I went down on his girlfriend.  According to him, his girlfriend was super jealous and wouldn’t let him fuck me.

He’s not a bad looking guy, but man, he turned out to be NEEDY as fuck, lol.  He was annoying the heck out of me over text and I finally had to tell him to quit.  Like, he was sending me zillions of texts.  He was demanding to know things like if this was going to be more than sex and callling me his “lover”.  I was barely responding.  Randomly, he would tell me things like “I am afraid of heights” and “I can’t swim” and I’m thinking duuude, it is way too early to be sharing this stuff.  Plus he even said he was “anxious”.  NOT a turn on.  I was totally afraid he would turn into a stalker.

All of this is moot anyhow, because the weather was looking iffy for the weekend so I again decided to stay in town.  This left me with fewer options and I said yes to the limp dick guy. Hey, at least I was going to a party.  Admittedly the guest list wasn’t looking too hot though.  There were a few “maybe” single guys but I wasn’t sure.

As requested, I showed up early, to his hotel room.  Thankfully, he was nice looking in person.  He is in the Army.  Gotta love the “service” of the area millitary base.  It’s always got a fair amount of good looking, in shape, fuckable men, which is more than you can say for this area in general. Ahhh…God Bless America. 😉

He wasn’t super talkative and I’m still thinking this guy is kind of an ass from our previous communications.  Still, he wasn’t bad.  We talked a little bit about the party and how it was going to go down.

 He let me know right up front he wasn’t cool with me getting with any single guys there.  He said it had to be an “even trade” and that if they didn’t have anything for HIM he wasn’t sharing.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I’m used to being the bartering chip.  I warned him that there might not be a lot of people where I was interested in the male half of the couple. He said we should have a “code phrase” to use for trying to gauge that, so we made one up.

Pretty quickly after that we got down to business.  We kissed a little bit and he told me to take off my clothes.  With virtually no foreplay (and without a condom!) he just rammed it in.  I didn’t even have time to ask.  Part of my bane with some guys is that I am virtually always wet.  So they take this to mean I don’t need any preparation.  Not that I need a lot, but still.

He kind of took me by surprise and he was sort of rough.  He was ramming hard and fast.  Right at the end he asked me something that sounded like “are you going to cum?” I couldn’t quite understand him and asked “what?” and he repeated himself but it was still mumbled.  I was on the verge of having an orgasm, or so I thought, so I said “yes”.  Bam!  It was over.

 
He pulled out and wiped what looked like a drop of cum off the end of his dick.  OMG, did he just cum inside me???  I was freaking out.  I had been super wet already but it felt like he may have cum.  It had all been so fast, I wasn’t sure.

I got up to take a shower.  We didn’t talk much and I quickly glanced at the monthly cycle calendar on my phone.  I should have ovulated a few days ago, plus I was feeling super horny then, but it was cutting it close.  While I was washing my hair and body my thoughts were racing.  I needed to ask him to be sure.

I stepped out of the bathroom.  “Did you cum inside me?”  He said “yeah, you said I could”.  I said “I thought you were asking me something else”.  I said “I’m not on birth control” and he was like “are we okay then?”  I said I thought so but wasn’t sure.  Yikes.

THANK GOD though, when I got home, I was able to check my fertility monitor and it said I am not currently fertile.  I love that little thing.  It’s like a tiny microscope where you can check your saliva or cervical mucous and see where your body is at.  If you are fertile, you will see crystallization going on and if not, it just looks like tiny bubbles.  So I’m pretty sure I ovulated the other day and am in the clear.

A midwife gave me this device years ago, before I even got pregnant with my first child.  I was wanting to stop using birth control and go to natural family planning and this was the easiest, most awesome method ever.  Of course to use it for proper prevention of pregnancy you have to chart your cycles for a few months to make sure how many days in you are ovulating.  I have a general idea but my cycle has been kinda wacky lately.

For those that are curious, it is hard to find in the U.S. but the fertility monitor was made in Spain and is considered a 97% effective method of birth control, if used properly.  I was able to predict accurately when I got pregnant with each of my children using this device.  I still remember looking at it right after sex with my ex husband the time I got pregnant with my first child and seeing it completely covered with little microscopic “ferns”. 

Here is an article about it Holistic Birth Control and here is a picture Fertility Tester. It was the only one I could find, though you might be able to with more digging, find someone selling one elsewhere. Note that they won’t sell to the United States…hmmm..conspiracy?

There used to be some other similar devices on the market as well, but they looked different.  I suppose any microscope would do.  It’s a shame Americans don’t get more information about stuff like this.  Guess it wouldn’t make the pharmaceutical companies enough money.

Anyhow, I am pretty confident that I am in the safe zone.  Years of using NFP has taught me to be more in tune with my body and notice the signs.  I get really, really horny during ovulation, lol and that was earlier in the week. The confirmation of my fertility monitor makes me feel pretty good that I was right.  Still, I was kind of in shock and it threw me for a loop for a minute there.

Onto the party.  Hmmm…well, there weren’t a whole lot of attractive people there.  There were an unusual amount of elderly folks at this one.  We are talking full heads of gray hair.  My guess is that some of these people were in their 70’s.  Someone said the swinger party here that is usually for older people has closed down, so maybe that is why.

There were also lots of cowboy hats, country music and obese people.  Not too unusual in this area, but not really my style.  One of the highlights of the night was a naked jello wrestling match.  The women were maybe 350 lbs a piece.  The guy I was with said it reminded him of sumo wrestlers, lol.  One of the women had blinking lights attached to her nipples.  They were rubbing jello all over each other’s bodies and licking it off. He was not impressed and said that image would be hard to erase from his mind, lol.

With the party being kind of lame and people mostly sitting at tables, I was trying hard to cheer up my “date”.  He knew one other woman there, that he had slept with before and known for 5 or 6 years.  She danced with him once but left early.  Another woman was trying to hit on him, but as he pointed out, she had no teeth!  LOL

So I was flirty with him and he said I was the most attractive woman there, that no one else interested him at all.  We danced and kissed and made out a lot and he seemed to open up a little more.  There was only one other man there that I thought was a “maybe” though I didn’t say anything because he was single and never approached us.

What is funny is THAT guy hit me up on Sunday, over Plenty of Fish.  He had apparently emailed me once before because I could see the conversation but I had never responded.  I suck at answering people’s emails on dating sites and only do it once in a while, like if I have nothing better to do that night or the guy seems extra my type (like Mr. Firm).

 He said he saw me at the party but didn’t want to offend the guy I was with by talking to me.  Kind of funny, at a swinger party, but he was probably right.  At one point the guy I came with left for the restroom and he claims when he came back 6 men were talking to me and giving him dirty looks.  They were all old, overweight or unattractive so it wasn’t really a big deal, but he was being a tad possessive.

There was also this one guy at the party that people are always talking about.  The Professor had mentioned him before and I have spoken to the man and seen him in action at other parties, but he just doesn’t do it for me.  He’s some kind of doctor and constantly fucking one woman after another.  A lot of people seem really impressed, but he’s not my style.

We got pulled into the sex swing room because he was fucking the toothless woman and everyone was like “you have to see this”.  I don’t think my military friend was too impressed.  He was like this guy is on Viagra or something.  I’m amused by it but not really turned on.  The guy is like a jackhammer energizer bunny, going, going and going, really fast and hard and he does a lot of grunting.  Its fun to watch for a minute, just out of curiosity but I’m not a huge voyeur.  More of an exhibitionist ;).  I want to be in on some action (but not with him, lol).

At one point, the military guy pulled me into the hallway and said he wanted to fuck me there.   Then he changed his mind and we went into the women’s bathroom.  He had me bent over and was fucking me from behind.  He was still pretty rough, though he lasted longer and didn’t cum.  He said he didn’t want to cum there at the party and was saving it for later. 

We finally went back to our room around closing. We talked a bit with a woman in the hallway who was fairly attractive and he invited her back to our room but she and her husband were waiting on another couple. Husband came out and wasn’t hot, lol.  He didn’t even have to ask me about that one. 

The rest of the night was mostly us having sex.  It was a lot better this time and lasted way longer.  He bit me a lot though, hard, and left some bruises.  They aren’t hickeys but actual bruises and my shoulders hurt.  I think from him gripping them really tight.  There is a little, light, hickey on my neck but not really noticeable.

He kept saying no one had made him this hard in a long time and that he didn’t want to stop. 😉  It went on a looong time and was pretty hot, though he kept stopping when I was just about to cum, I think to prevent himself from doing so.  Finally, at the end I came pretty hard, and so did he, on my stomach this time, though he had the nerve to ask if he could cum inside me again! 

In the morning, after my shower, while I was at the mirror putting my makeup on, he came up behind me again wanting to fuck.  He was having trouble with his erection and said he thought it was due to being spent from the night before so I’m not even sure why he was trying, but okay.  I sucked his dick to get it ready and we had like a 30 second fuck before he again came on my stomach.  He never did go down on me.  Ah, well.

 I texted him after I got home to say I checked and my fertility thing says I’m not fertile so we should be okay.  He responded that was cool and said he had had a good time.  I’m not sure, at this point, whether or not I will ever see him again, but I guess time will tell.

 

 

Why do I “prefer” black men?

interracial couple in bed

This is one of those posts that has the potential to upset and offend just about everyone in some way or another, so I’ve been procrastinating, lol, but there have been a couple of times I said I would write it up.  So, here you go, in question and answer format. 

Most of these are real questions that people have asked at some time or another.  Don’t expect them to be politically correct and I can’t be responsible for other people’s thought processes.  Some, I find offensive too, but I’m going to attempt to answer them anyhow. I’m a big fan of DISCUSSING things rather than shushing people up and telling them they are wrong to ask. 

I’m writing it out in this manner because I think the assumptions people make can be really crazy and so far off from the truth.  Sometimes I understand why they might think a certain way and others I am just shaking my head.  Still, its not like everyone doesn’t wonder.  Maybe YOU were too afraid to ask ;). 

Ever since high school, I’ve been getting this:
Lovergirl, why don’t you ever date white guys?

Who says I don’t?  Why would they assume this?  Mostly it’s…white guys..who ask.  I guess its true, that even back then, the majority of the guys I dated were black.  Still, I’m a never say never kind of girl, especially when it comes to things like sex.  😉

Just for fun, I sat down and figured out the actual percentages for you.  Yeah, I was feeling like a nerd. 😉  This is the breakdown of guys I “count” as having had sex with (invoking the Bill Clinton clause-it doesn’t include oral).  Here are my pussy’s demographics:

Black- 75%
White- 13.23%
Asian- 1.47%
Latino- 2.94%
Mixed race- 7.35%

In every case the “mixed” group was a mix of black and white. 

Actually, the first guy I ever had sex with was white, followed by the second guy, who was Asian and then the third, who was black.  Bam! Bam! Bam!  Got that out of the way as soon as I could, hahaha. 😉  I’m playing. I honestly didn’t even think about it at the time, though now it is kind of cool to be able to say I’ve tasted the rainbow. 🙂

Anyhow, we’ve established that its not “never”.  I’ve always been kinda bugged by people who say they would “never” date someone of a different race, but it’s even more weird when you apply that to your own!  How can you block out an entire race of people from your sexual realm of possibility, and how lame is it to discount your OWN freaking race??  WTF??

Honestly, it bothers me when I hear black men say they won’t date black women and I fully understand why some black women get pissed.  The other day at the swinger party where I was talking with two women, a white guy (the one I had just given a blow job to, actually) walked out the door and they both commented that he was cute but they couldn’t fuck him.  The one girl said “I just can’t do white guys anymore” and the other agreed.  They were both white.  I kept my mouth shut but inwardly I was rolling my eyes.

HOWEVER, that said, I clearly do have a preference.  My general preference is black men.  That is USUALLY what I am attracted to.  It’s actually a very strong preference, as you can see from my numbers above.  I sometimes don’t want to admit it, like when the Professor was looking at my swinger site emails and noticed “you don’t even open the white guys’ mail!” That wasn’t entirely true though, I just hadn’t opened MOST of their mail, lol.

Is it because you hate your dad and are trying to get back at him?

This one is kind of entertaining.  Because, well, I didn’t really know my dad until I was a teenager and in the meantime, I had three stepdads.  The first one was white, the second was from South America and the third was black. 

I hated my third stepdad, and still do, but the last way I would try to “get back” at him would be to date black men.  So, hopefully that answers the question as to whether I would date that way because I was “close” to my stepfather too.  NOPE. 

If my black stepfather had been my only exposure to black men and I was one to assume they were all like him, I’d be a racist bitch.  It didn’t happen that way though, thankfully.  Maybe because I was around enough OTHER family members, who were also black, to not make those kinds of assumptions.

I always felt like I was treated like part of the family, for the most part.  While some of his family weren’t too keen on the fact that he was married to a white woman, they didn’t take it out on ME, because I was a kid.  I was just thrown into the mix with the zillions of cousins running around and really no one seemed to think much of it.

Is it because black guys have bigger dicks?

I’ve gone over this one in my post Big Black Men, Is it True?  So if you haven’t read that, head over there.  The answer is no.  That really has nothing to do with it at all.  When white guys tell me they are “black below the belt” it doesn’t turn me on.  I’m just shaking my head.

Is it because you fucked black guys at a young age and “once you go black you never go back?”

Again, I am a never say never kind of girl, remember?  Even after sleeping with a lot of black guys, I went away to an almost totally white college and guess who I fucked there?  White guys!  In fact, that is where I met my ex husband, who was white.

I get this question more from black men than white ones, actually.  What was really entertaining was after I first met my ex husband and went back home for the summer. 

When I first came back, some girlfriends and I went over to this guy’s house.  There were probably like 15 people over there hanging out.  Maybe 5 girls and 10 guys, all of whom were black (except me).  One of the guys asked who I was dating and I told them about my ex.

He thought that was crazy and announced “Lovergirl is dating a white dude!!!” Soon, the attention was all on me, while he and a few of the other guys grilled me right and left and totally made fun of that fact. 

He was like “you aren’t really dating a white guy, you can’t date a white guy! Once you go black you NEVER go back”.  The girls had to jump in “how can you tell her she can’t date a white guy??  She’s white!  You act like she’s black or something!!”  He asked “what’s his name?” and I told him his name and he starts busting out laughing and all the guys are “that is such a white name, hahahaha”.  I said “he’s white!” lmao “what do you expect??  You want his parents to give him a black name?” hahaha

The teasing went on for awhile, with the guys telling me he was probably cheating on me and me saying “no he isn’t”.  The girls were like “he’s not cheating on her!  He’s white!!”  and the guys were saying he was probably doing so right at that very moment.  :p  Then they threatened to call my ex boyfriend, the crazy drug dealer one, and tell him the news.  They were pretending to pick up the phone and I was all “go ahead!!  Why would he care, I’m not talking to him anymore anyway”.   

The whole thing ended with the guy whose house we were at telling me I “even look more white” and pretending to sneer at me, lmao.  Then he was like “you’ll be back…wait”.  Hahaha  I guess I can’t argue about that. 😉

Hold on, wait.  You have sex with all these black guys and then the guy you chose to MARRY was white?  Is this some sort of latent racism?  Did you think he was better marriage material and a better person to make babies with because of his whiteness?

No.  It wasn’t because he was white that I married him.  I actually always wanted to have a biracial baby, because of my little brother and sister.  When they were born I was a young teenager and took care of them all the time.  I thought they were the cutest things on earth and adored my younger siblings.  I totally wanted a mixed race baby, lol. 

However, I DID think my ex husband was completely different from all the other guys I had been with and more “marriage material”.  So this question gave me a pause for just a minute.  Why did I think that?  Was it more than just the fact that he had been the one to ASK me to get married or that his parents kind of pressured us in that direction?  I never dated any black guys whose parents were pressuring them to marry a white girl, btw, lol. 

If there was ONE stereotype I think I had in my head at the time regarding black men, it was that “black men always cheat”.  I know that this is probably unfair, and of course not always true, but it is what it is.  I’d grown up with that imbedded into my brain, mainly from black women!  Not to mention I’d had quite a few experiences of being cheated ON by black guys, including 3 who impregnated someone else whilst we were dating.

I didn’t want to marry someone who would cheat on me.  So I think in some way that probably DID factor into my decision at the time.  Now that I’m older and wiser I’d say everyone cheats, or they will, if they have the option.  If they have the option and don’t think they would get caught, years after being married…I suspect MOST men AND women, would cheat, black or white.

Shortly before I actually ended up cheating on my ex husband, I was emailing back and forth with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time on MySpace.  She is biracial and has 5 kids with like 5 different dads.  She was relaying a story of one of the dads, who had asked her to marry him and got her to come to another state and even gave her a ring, before she discovered that he was ALREADY married and had given her his current wife’s ring!  Nuts. 

She said “you’re lucky, you married a white guy, you don’t have to worry about him cheating on you”.  She went on to lament that she could never date a white guy herself.  I guess I’ll never know if my ex actually cheated on me but he did eventually fall in love with someone else, so there goes that theory down the drain!

Anyhow, sometimes I kind of wish I had married a black man.  For all the negative press black men get, I’m virtually always impressed by what great fathers the guys I see are.  I mean,  they go over and above, and I am so sad for my own children that they don’t have that.

I think a lot of black men, these days, make it a HUGE priority to be a good dad.  It’s like all their lives they have seen the negative effects in the black community and all the stereotypes and go completely the opposite direction.  I wish someone had drilled this into my ex husband’s head while they were knocking him over it with the Bible.  Sigh…

You must have a sexual “fetish” for black men.

I don’t think that is the case.  It’s true that I am more physically attracted, usually, to black men.  Why that is, I can’t say for sure.  I can say that there are plenty of black men I am NOT attracted to and that the ones I am, tend to fall into a very specific “type”.  So like any other “type” that a person has, mine is black men that fall into whatever attraction template I have.  Actually, I think I have a couple.  Most of the guys I see, look or act, in some way, like a man that I have liked previously.  I guess that is part of my natural selection bias.

I also prefer black men to date, not just for sex.  I tend to feel a lot more comfortable with black men and have more in common.  Maybe that is due to not having been around as many white guys growing up.  Even when I had the South American stepfather, most of the families we associated with were not white.  I sometimes have a harder time relating to white guys, despite being white myself.

Even with my ex husband, I never really felt “close” to him, whereas a lot of times I can talk better with black men and feel more understood.  Maybe it is because I don’t really have the same cultural background as most white men.  When I went away to an all white, country, college, it was actually kind of a culture shock for me.  The music, movies, and general attitude that I grew up with veered more towards black than white.  Not that I didn’t have white friends or go to predominately white schools, because I did, but at home it was different.

So what is it that you like about black men and why do you think you choose them?

This is the hard part, because I can’t write it without admitting to having some stereotypes.  I like to think I don’t, but I guess we all do to some extent, like it or not.  Here is the deal though, I have certain traits that I like and have come to look for in men.  In my experience, it is much EASIER to find what I am looking for in a black man. 

What I think it boils down to, is that I percieve black men as being more “Alpha” in general.  Before the white guys get too upset and disagree, let me explain.  It’s not that white guys don’t sometimes have “Alpha” characteristics or that ALL black men fit the description. It just seems, in our culture and at least, here in the U.S., that with white guys it’s something like 20% of the population versus 80% of black men.

Let’s say, for example, that I am looking for a man who is dominant in bed.  I go on a sex site and find 10 black guys and 10 white guys.  Probably 8 of the black men are going to fit that description, but only 2 of the white guys.  Since the majority of the population is white (and especially where I live now), if I just focus on the black men, I can get what I want a LOT faster and not have to filter through zillions of passive white dudes.  Plus, because there are few black men in this area, I have an even smaller group to narrow it down to.

Ever feel like you are totally overwhelmed at Walmart because there are sooo many choices to pick from, for something as basic as shampoo?  It’s like I don’t even know where to start and I don’t want to try each one to figure out if it (he) is what I am looking for.  Would be much faster to run around the corner to the place that only sells a few salon brands. 

Anyow, that might be a bad analogy because I usually do just grab a Walmart shampoo, lmao, and I like to try different ones. 😉  But hopefully, I’m making SOME sense. 

What are the traits that you associate more often with black men, that you like?

Well, we have established the more dominant part.  I think that tends to be true, both in and out of the bedroom.  Now get ready for the massive generalizations, but I find them to be mostly true in my experience.

In general, black men that I meet, are more likely to have some of the following characteristics:

Dress nicely (white European guys do this but in the U.S., white guys tend to think this is “gay”)
Take good care of their physique or are “athletic”
Meticulous hygeine
Clean freaks (I love this and you rarely come across black men that are slobs)
LIKE to talk about relationships, and sex (for some reason white guys don’t seem as interested in this a lot of times)
Less judgemental
More complimentary
Less emotionally reserved and more willing to talk about feelings
More protective
More of a gentleman in how they treat women
Less critical
More supportive, emotionally
Put more emphasis on family and ties to friends

AND…what I know you really want to know…IN the bedroom

More emotionally expressive and PASSIONATE
More appreciative of my body
More dominant and commanding
More sensual and “romantic”
Care more about my pleasure in a non-supplicating way
Less selfish
More experienced

OF COURSE-

There are plenty of lame black men out there too, but I do seem to be able to find what I am looking for more often and I do love the color contrast of dark skin on lighter skin in bed.  I’ve been with a couple of white guys that were good in bed but they didn’t open up as much.  I’ve also had a disproportionate amount of one night stands with white guys.  It’s like they are quicker to hit it and quit it or think of you as “slutty” afterwards. 

My other deal with the white guys I have come across on dating sites is that they seem to go to extremes.  It’s like they are either super passive or they go crazy with it and take “dominant” to mean rough, aggressive and MEAN, which I hate.  I once put out a Craigslist ad looking for a “freak” in the bedroom.  It was like all the black guys knew exactly what I meant but the white guys were talking about totally off the wall shit, involving all kinds of props and stuff that I would never want to do.  I don’t know, maybe that’s just part of the communication barrier I was talking about earlier.

I know some of you all are probably chomping at the bit by now, but these are just my observations, experiences and feelings.  Thoughts?

The Referee and things the Prof never told me…

referee

It didn’t take me long to replace the Producer.  Actually, there was another man waiting in the wings.  He had signed up for the party I was originally supposed to attend with the Producer and his girlfriend, and contacted me on the swinger site.  I had agreed to meet him over lunch a couple of days before the party, originally thinking he might be someone who could join in and swap with us all.

There is kind of an interesting back story with this particular man, though I was oblivious to most of it.  When he emailed me from his swinger profile, I didn’t realize right away that he was the same man I had spoken with several months ago, while I was still seeing the Professor.  He had changed his location and profile pics due to some of the higher ups in his profession seeing he was on there.  None of the pictures were showing his face.

However, when I went to text him at the number he gave me, his name popped up in my phone.  Okay, now I remembered him.  I asked about the changes and he explained.  He at first avoided the question of whether or not he had been friends with the Professor.

The reason I had turned this man down the first time we were talking back and forth was because it was clear to me that the Professor was feeling jealous and didn’t want me speaking with him.  He had gotten upset with me for silly things like the fact that I had talked with this man over the phone, rather than simply texted.  I was like, well, he called me!  LOL  I usually prefer to text, due to having children in the house but I do answer my phone if I can, just try to avoid it as much as possible. 

Anyhow, I hadn’t been particularly into him, though he did have a lot of positive references and seemed like a good guy.  I had been turned off a little because he seemed overeager and then the Professor had told me he had a gold tooth.  Yeah, I wasn’t feeling the gold tooth and I was super into the Prof at the time anyhow and didn’t want to hurt him by getting involved with someone he knew.

Little did I know, there was all kinds of competition brewing beneath the surface between the two of them.  I knew they had shared a married woman at a party before and that they both did some part time work as referees.  Over my lunch date I learned much more.

According to the Referee, as I will call him (though he has another full time job, it’s not very exciting, he’s a supervisor at some sort of factory), not only was HE trying to talk to me at the time, but the Prof had gotten upset and in return tried really hard to get with HIS “single” girlfriend.  He said that didn’t work out though because she had decided she was more into women and run off on him for another girl, not showing any interest in the Prof either.

Okay, but it doesn’t stop there.  The Referee was seeing another woman who the Professor was also fucking.  Hold up, wait, he was fucking her while he was seeing me?  Yep, and never told me and even told this girl not to say anything!!  I’ve met her, after all.  In fact, she was the woman who came up and told me she’d met him at the Christmas party, back in my blog story, When being open isn’t enough.

Ahhhh…… wow, the truth starts to come out.  The Referee says that at that particular party he had ASKED her to come up and introduce herself to me, and to report back to him.  He wanted to know if I was as hot as I looked in my pictures.  She said I was, but that the Professor wasn’t allowing me to play with anyone.  Too funny, because she and the Jamaican had asked us to come up to their room and the Prof definitely wasn’t having it. 

Oh, but this isn’t all.  Not only were they both fucking this same woman, but the Referee also used to see another woman that the Prof was sleeping with right before he met me, a married woman that he had told me a little bit about but I thought nothing of it since he made it seem like they had just been casual fwb.  Not so much.  The Referee said he’d spent time with her actually CRYING and really upset because the Prof had “left her” for a “younger, hotter, woman” and now would no longer see her anymore.  Yeah, that would be me.

I had no idea.  I feel awful that someone felt that way about the relationship between the Prof and I,  but no one had told ME what was going on.  I had been contacted by her profile right before that party at the hotel asking if we wanted to have a threesome with the Prof and he had said it was probably just her husband goofing off.  He never gave any indication that she was into him as more than just sex.

Gah, this whole thing is doing nothing for my trust level for men in general.  You can’t even have an OPEN relationship, it seems, without somebody lying or running off with the next girl and abandoning the person that was there before.  I met this woman at a party this weekend and I could totally see the hurt in her eyes and it made me feel awful. She’s very pretty for her age (which is like 60) and in great shape (plus has had plastic surgery) and doesn’t need to feel that way about herself. 

Add that I was there with the Referee, and he also didn’t want to get with her because of me, and it made me want to crawl through a hole. She even went and changed her costume into one more similar to mine, after she saw what I was wearing. We had taken some pics together with the Referee and then she came back to take more. He said he knew she was wanting to get with him again but he wasn’t really interested.

Sigh…. Well let’s get back to the fun part, shall we?  The Referee and I had a great little meeting over lunch.  He drove up in his very nice white Cadillac with some seriously cool rims and a little TV on the dashboard.  We met at the Marriot hotel before he took me to lunch at Applebees.  He was nice looking, despite the gold tooth and really in a lot of ways reminds me of the Producer.  Before we went in to eat we sat in his car, watching videos on the dashboard and drinking some Cayman Jack margaritas in a bottle.  I’m loving those things, he even gave me one to take home, lol.

Of course we had all kinds of interesting things to talk about.  He said he’s been feeling me for a really long time and really wanted to meet me after all that ordeal with the Prof.  He’d kind of backed out of swinging for a while with the discovery of his profile and gotten into a monogamous relationship for about 6 months. 

I had to explain to him the situation with the Producer and his girlfriend and why they were no longer coming to the party and he said that was crazy.  He said I was way too beautiful to accept second best from anyone and not to ever let someone do me like that.  He thought the woman demanding to come along each time we had sex was way out of line and said it sounds like the Producer is just getting off on the ego trip of being her first “black guy”.  He totally agreed with the points I had laid out about the red flags I saw as potential issues, but of course the Producer will have to figure that all out for himself, after he comes down off the high of NRE.  Ah well.

We ate and headed back to the hotel, where he popped in a porn video for me to watch while he was checking in.  I was like isn’t that kind of distracting, porn on your dashboard while you are driving and he said it’s not too bad but it does get him horny on long drives.  LOL  He claimed he got the video from the guy who put the tv in for free and it contained a lot of double penetration/anal.

Then we went up to the hotel room, which was an extra nice one with a balcony and had a blast.  He was good in bed, went down on me and has a similar sexual style to the Producer.  He also claims he can’t cum with a condom on and it does nothing for him to wear one so we went without.  He called himself “Daddy” in the bedroom so I know he’s another one that likes that. 😉  During sex he was telling me I could have anything I wanted from him.

He really seems to like me and asked me what I was looking for relationship wise.  According to him he is more of a monogamy type of guy really and tends to get into monogamous relationships with the wife of a couple.  He was with the same woman, the mother of his children who are now in college, for 23 years before getting into the Lifestyle.  I didn’t really know what to say and just said I am playing it by ear, not wanting to rush into anything.  He thought that was smart and not crazy, like getting into something two weeks in, like the Producer.

In fact, he liked me so much that he wanted to come down again two days later (it’s like an hour and a half or so drive).  He said he’d come even if he could just get a kiss.  We decided though, instead, to go to the party together.

We had fun.  I wore my French maid costume.  It looks like this from the front.

french maid

 

And here is a picture of me and the Referee from the back 😉

referee

We had gone to the hotel next door to the party, even though we weren’t staying there, for me to change into my costume, and couldn’t find a restroom in the lobby so I ducked into a laundry room.  There was a peephole in the door and I was teasing him that he could watch.  He came in at the end to help me try and fasten some straps and there was a knock on the door.  It was some random guys at the hotel trying to do their laundry and they thought we were fucking.  We laughed it off and he asked the guy to take a picture. 😉

Other than meeting the woman who had cried over me and the Professor there wasn’t a lot exciting about the party itself.  There was a 70 something woman in a wheelchair who grabbed the Referee’s dick and told him “I’m going to get some of that!!” and a big fat lady who stripped naked and was telling him he just didn’t want her because she was old.

When we first walked in, two women grabbed me and tried to pull me off.  I could tell the Referee was freaking out because he had told me that every time he takes a single woman to a party she leaves him for another woman and he gets left out in the cold.  I’d reassured him I wasn’t like that, lol, so I was laughing but holding back from actually running off with them.  He said one party she just took off into the bathroom with a married woman and then she was gone and he never saw her again. 

We hung out with a couple of other couples and danced and took some jello shots and drank a little but eventually went back to the Marriot by ourselves.  He gets some sort of special deal there, which is cool.  According to him, he really didn’t feel like sharing me and especially so soon after just meeting and enjoys his one on one.  We had fantastic sex, it was even better than the first time and he passed out before I left to go home.

I feel bad because he lost a $200 gold chain in the hotel the first time we had sex and they overcharged him instead of giving him the rate he wanted the second time but he still seems interested.  I guess we will see how this goes.   

The next day I drove out to see my fuck buddy again.  He helped fill up my gas tank to get home and he gave me one of his porn dvd’s.  It’s called “Chocolate Cherry Ho’s”….lmao.  We had been watching one together after our first round of sex and he had a big collection so said I could take one home. I guess I will have to watch that. 😉 He was showing me some guy called “Wesley Pipes”, lol. I’m not a big porn connoisseur, so not too familiar with most of it. I was telling him he was big enough to be up there on the porn screen too and he was like “really?” So modest. 😉 

We had fantastic sex and I am so glad he’s still here in my life.  He’s really a sweetheart and great looking with a perfect body.  I can’t really say why we don’t fit together.  We are pretty different though.  He’s from the deep south and cracks me up because he will say things like he doesn’t believe swimming is natural for human beings and we shouldn’t be out there in the ocean if we can’t breathe underwater.  He’s also more naturally quiet and to himself.  He tells me a lot of crazy stories about the things people were doing sexually when he was in the military though. 

Anyhow, the Producer may have tossed me off to the side but I’m keeping him blocked and going on my merry way.  Obviously it didn’t stop me from getting mine this past week, lol, despite being upset. 

Meeting the Producer’s new girlfriend…

pitythefool

In my last blog post I was pissed at the Producer and hurt and had no intention of continuing anything with him.  I finally calmed down a bit and thought, okay, maybe I can do this.  Maybe, if he is really wanting to continue seeing me, like he was saying he had insisted to the other woman, and would be willing to keep treating me the same way he has been, then it wouldn’t be so bad.  I mean, isn’t that what “open relationships” are supposed to be about?

He was, at this point, in Amsterdam, so still couldn’t talk to me until I unblocked him from Whatsapp.  I decided to do so and told him that maybe I had overreacted.  He was very happy.  He said that I meant a lot to him and he couldn’t just turn relationships off and on like a light switch, that he isn’t that kind of guy.  According to him he’d been telling this woman how hurt he was that I wouldn’t talk with him and that he felt like he was losing our friendship.

From there things moved very quickly.  He had said he would like to take me out and talk about things over dinner when he came back, and I thought we could do that.  Then he brought up a swinger party that was going on here in town this weekend.  It was Halloween themed and did sound like a lot of fun.  He thought that would be a great environment for me and the new woman to meet, saying he knew we’d really like each other. 

I was a little concerned that we wouldn’t have a chance to have our talk FIRST, before jumping into the whole party scene, but it did sound like a good time.  Plus it would be a more easygoing way to meet her.  I agreed, since he was overseas, to reserve the hotel room (he said he would pay and normally wouldn’t ask me, but since he was so far away, I didn’t put it on a credit card or anything) for the three of us.  I also notified the hosts of the party that I would be bringing two people and reassured them they would be cool.

Since it was a Halloween party and only a few days away, there was also the concern of figuring out costumes.  I have a really cute little French Maid getup that I was thinking of wearing.  I said maybe somehow the three of us could coordinate.  He asked her and she said she had a ton of costumes, that maybe she could let me wear one of them.  Before I knew it she was offering to come by and show them to me. 

I was a little surprised that she would be willing to drive so far just to do that, and said it wasn’t a big deal if we matched or not, but agreed to let him give her my number so we could figure something out.  She lives about an hour and a half away, closer to where he stays when he comes down here (he had decided recently not to get the apartment near me, even though he’d already put down a deposit, and now I think it’s pretty obvious why).  She seemed really eager to meet me immediately.  In fact, she drove down that night.

He had sent me a few pictures of her, body parts first.  I was like, can I see her face please?  LOL  Men, sheesh,  how can I tell anything about a person from random body parts?  From the pictures she looked cute, not super pretty but average.  She was in fairly good shape, though heavier than I am.

He had already told me she was super bi and into women and that she and her ex used to play sometimes with other men because he was bisexual.  I didn’t really feel like getting fixed up or anything to see her though, so I didn’t. She had commented that she was getting her hair done beforehand, but I didn’t want to seem over competitive and spent more time on housecleaning than anything because my kids had made a mess and spilled popcorn everywhere.  I also had to get them to their dads and had a big ordeal with my oldest son that made us run pretty late. 

When she got in town she texted to ask if I had eaten and I hadn’t so she offered to buy me some Taco Bell and if I wanted to meet her there first.  So I drove around the corner to Taco Bell.  There weren’t many people inside and I knew right away which one she was.  She had asked what I wanted over text and was just bringing it over to the table when I walked in.

In person she looked older than I expected.  I guessed her to be in her early to mid 40’s and she had a few wrinkle lines on her face.  She was skinnier than she looked in the pictures but still had a bit of a tummy on her.  Her accent was pure country and she said she was originally from Nashville.  She was dressed up in a fancy blouse and big earrings.  It looked like she was trying hard to impress.   

I was a little bewildered that the Producer would be so into this woman.  At first sight she seemed nothing like his type.  His ex wife was a gorgeous Brazillian woman with a perfect butt.  There is another girl he has played with occasionally in my town and she is 20 years old and blonde and really pretty.  The other women he has shown me that he talks to or plays with have all been more attractive than this one.  I mean, she was still cute, but like I said, closer to average than gorgeous. Turns out she is the same age as I am, I was kind of surprised.

I was having a hard time imagining myself playing with her.  Not due so much to her looks as her kind of uptight seeming attitude.  I can be reserved at times too but my personality is more laid back. Her body language was tight and reserved and a bit schoolmarmish.  I thanked her for the food and sat down to eat and talk. 

She started in with the questions and came across a bit like an interviewer, asking me about my education and seeming to look down on me a bit when I said I only had a Bachelor’s degree.  She works in an optometrist’s office.  Her three kids are teenagers and she and her daughter don’t get along so the daughter has moved in with her father and they hadn’t talked for 6 months until recently.  I wondered how a parent could go that long without so much as talking to their child, even in the worst of circumstances, but kept my mouth shut.  After all, I have a difficult teenager too and I talked about him.

I was listening and slowly forming my opinions, wondering how on earth she and the Producer could ever get together.  They seemed to me to have absolutely nothing in common.  She’d been married twice, both times to abusive men, and apparently things were kind of bad with her most recent boyfriend too.  They had dated almost two years and she showed me a picture of him.  He was a rough looking white guy, a biker, and it honestly seemed she still liked him a bit despite his supposed abusiveness.

We talked more after we got back to my house and she told me she has never been with a black guy before.  Her mother was in shock and told her not to tell her dad, who is very racist.  She said her mom was cool with it but she was going to wait on telling her father until she was sure things were going to get more serious.

She had brought along a huge suitcase full of costumes, most of them never worn.  She said she just sees things and likes to buy them sometimes.  There were also lots of high heels.  As we discussed what to wear I suggested maybe we could be Playboy bunnies and have the Producer wear a silk robe, like Hugh Hefner.  I didn’t know if he had anything like that though and she said “are you kidding me?  He probably has piles of silk robes”.  Um, what?  LOL  Why would he have that?  But I didn’t comment.  I’ve been shopping with him before at Walmart and he bought clothes there.  He’s not really flashy like that with his clothing, though of course he does have money.

She seemed nice but still a little condescending.  Like she acted sorry for me that the Producer was in a relationship with her and that I had been “just” a FWB that developed “feelings” for him.  She was clearly trying to put me in my “place”, which I didn’t like. 

Anyhow, we finally decided that some of her clothes could be put together, with a little altering, to make a French maid outfit but that we’d include bunny ears.  I didn’t really like most of the rest of her costumes, not my style and wouldn’t make me look hot.  We also took a picture of ourselves (fully clothed and sitting on my bed) to send to the Producer, though at that time we figured he was probably still fast asleep.

She left and I was a little depressed.  I couldn’t really figure out what he saw in her and why he would think she was better than me.  I also didn’t get the impression she was nearly as “bi” as he claimed.  He had said she was really into women, but she told me that she was “willing” to play a little at places like a party.  She said she wasn’t into feelings or anything with women (of course neither am I so I didn’t really care about that).

I didn’t really tell the Producer my thoughts about her.  Just said it left me a little sad, honestly, speaking with her and he said maybe we should call off the party because he didn’t want me to feel bad in any way. He said they both felt really bad that I had been hurt by things.  I said that’s okay, I was sure the party would be fun and I just needed a couple days to adjust.

The next day though, I found out something that completely changed my mind.  He made some comment about how she only wanted him to play with other women if she was there with him and I was like, wait, hold up, does that include me??  Because that changes the whole ballgame.  He didn’t answer for a long time and I was getting anxious.  I finally was like ?? well?? 

He finally admitted that she had told him her one request was that he never play with another woman without her present, including myself.  He said it was very important to her that they only play together as a couple and she had agreed to do the same for him.  He said he was going to respect her wishes.

Oh hell no.  I wasn’t going to have her tagging along every time we had sex.  That completely went against what he had said about the relationship between him and I being just the same as it always has been.  If I can’t have alone time with him I am not going to do this.  He said she was okay with us going out together still, for dinner or to a movie, but no sex. 

FUCK THAT!!  OMG!!  Did he seriously think that was going to be okay with me?  I’m suddenly not “allowed” to have sex with him on our own any more?  Um, no.  That settles my decision that this is just not going to happen.  I asked, is SHE okay with never playing with you unless I am there??  Of course he wasn’t answering so I said I was going to text her and ask.  He told me not to do that but I did it anyway.

She gave me a very condescending little “lecture” over text about how they have a “relationship” and I was only sex to him, so it was different.  She told me maybe I needed to “back off” because she didn’t want someone with feelings for him hanging around. Meanwhile he was telling me that he really does have feelings for me but he wanted to go along with her wishes since he was trying to do this.  He tried to hint that if we had a slipup it would be okay as long as he told her afterwards.  Yeah, whatever, I was done.  I said I spent 13 years married to a man who wouldn’t sleep with me and I am NOT okay with dates that don’t include sex or a babysitter and forced threesomes. 

He was upset with me.  He couldn’t see why I wasn’t okay with this little arrangement.  I said are you kidding me?  You want me to just accept this?  I’m suddenly supposed to be fine with being the third wheel all the time?  Um, no.  I need my one on one time to connect, especially because we’d been seeing each other before she ever came along.

I said I was done with the both of them and since we weren’t going to be seeing each other anymore I would tell him the things I’d been afraid to upset him with before.  I said a real friend should tell you the red flags they see anyhow and I know you’ll think I’m just being a hater but I am going to throw them out there anyhow and you can make your own decisions.  I said this is what I want to leave you with so save it and come back to it someday to see if I am right. He said okay, talk to me.

I told him:

  1. Her family is racist. She’s never dated a black man before.  She said her mom was in shock she is seeing you and told her not to tell her dad.  I know you had a relationship recently where the family’s racism drove you apart and this is something you are going to have to live with for a really long time if you all get serious.
  2. ALL of her exes have been “abusive”, which is a red flag that she may someday be saying that about YOU.  Even if you know you’d never be abusive you did have that one incident where you hit your ex wife that has been haunting you (his ex still brings this up) and this woman might be someone that is so used to abuse she even tries to provoke you to hit her.
  3. She seems like she is trying to isolate you.  She’s already gotten you to completely drop the other women you were seeing and is trying to kick me out of the picture.  A lot of times emotionally abusive people will try and isolate you.  It’s very possible that someone who has been involved with abusive men could be emotionally abusive herself.  She talks down to me already.
  4. She has you getting involved in all of HER activities, martial arts, her church, her social group.  What about YOUR interests, why isn’t she accompanying you to any of those?  It seems like she is trying to change you.  She actually spent time preaching at me while I was there, telling me I should be in church again and that she is “really spiritual” despite admitting that swinging parties go completely against her church’s doctrine. 
  5. She seems really controlling, placing all these demands on you right off the bat.  If she’s like this now, how do you think she is going to be in a couple of years?  A woman who has respect for you is going to follow YOUR lead, not boss you around.

 

  1. I don’t know if I am right about this but she still seems interested in her ex boyfriend, the one she saw for 20 months.  She talked about him a lot and even showed me his picture.

 

  1. Why doesn’t her teenage daughter want to live with her?  Why would she prefer the “abusive” dad?  Even if they have a lot of issues, why would she go 6 months without talking to her?  As a mom that really rubs me the wrong way.  My own mother would do stuff like that but she abandoned us in a lot of other ways too.

 

Then I mentioned the comment about him probably having a lot of robes and that she apparently has some frivolous spending habits with all that stuff she buys but never wears. I reminded him that his ex was a gold digger and he might want to watch out for that to happen again.

He thanked me for my insights and agreed that they were things he should look into and some were very true.  Then a little while later he hits me back saying how could I criticize her about her daughter when I have an out of control son.  I said hey, no one is trying to get serious about and marry me but if they were I would be up front about that.  He is right, my son has a lot of issues but he also knows I love him more than anything in the world and would choose to live with me over anyplace else.  Even if he didn’t I wouldn’t go 6 months without speaking to him.

 

Okay, so then I get a LIVID message from her that he has FORWARDED my entire message to her.  She said I was lying and twisting things to my benefit.  That nothing I said was remotely true. I said, um no, you weren’t meant to see that but I stand behind what I said, it was an opinion based on what I have observed.  I asked why he texted that to her and he said he just wanted to ask her if it was true. 

 

He then texts me to blame me for causing all this “drama”.  He said he can’t believe he is having to deal with this kind of drama from two women when he is all the way overseas and that it’s worse than his ex who is in her mid 20’s or this 20 year old girl.  He was like I thought I was dealing with grown women that could be mature about this.  I said, nope, you caused the drama by SENDING HER my opinion, did you really think she wouldn’t get pissed??  That’s your people, you can deal with the repercussions of that!

 

At that point he was heading off on the plane to come home to the U.S. so I wished him a safe journey and said maybe he’d find a seatmate that wanted to listen to his woman troubles and offer advice, lol.  When he got back though, shit hit the fan because he was still trying to say he really just wished we could all go to the party together and I would agree to have her with him when we had sex.  Never…..

 

It finally got to the point where I blocked him again.  He just seems so brainwashed by this woman already.  WHAT the hell did she do to him??  I don’t get it at all!!  How could he be so bowled over by someone like her??  She must have some serious skills in some area or another!!  Is it in the bedroom?  I know she doesn’t give better blowjobs than me because he was just telling me that I am a head and shoulders above all the rest as far as that is concerned. 

 

Maybe he likes her because she is such a hit to his ego.  37 years and has never been with a black man and now she’s sooooo in love with him!  I admit I probably didn’t flatter his ego enough.  I held back in that regard and didn’t want to come across as to overeager.

 

The only other thing I can think of is that she is some kind of a master manipulator.  During our last argument he threw in my face that they are going on a cruise together for “their” birthday.  Apparently their birthdays are the same week and he said this means they are meant for each other.  He really seems to believe that bullshit too.  It’s amazing.  My ex husband and I were 4 days apart, big fucking deal.  I was like, well, it sure beats roses that didn’t mean anything to you and he said “you are trying to guilt trip me but it’s not working”.  Um, okay.  He then said I was twisting everything about her.  Apparently she’s really pulling some puppet strings because, no, I was being real.

 

In any case, it’s crazy seeing him act like such a fool over someone he’s only known a few weeks. He’s been totally snowed. Who decides to get all serious THAT quickly?  Seems like a train wreck waiting to happen, but it’s no longer any of my concern.

P.S. No clue why WordPress decided to number my paragraphs after #5 both #1 again. Maybe they think those are extra important, lol. 😉