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A few…flops

floppy banana

I’ve been on a mission lately.  I’m preparing to make my big move (wahoo!!!) and it is taking up much of my time and thoughts.  Never fear though, I have a couple of new sexual escapades to share. 😉

Recently, I attended another swinger party.  This one was thrown by a couple, actually the people from this post:  A couple swap with Producer!!  Speaking of the Producer, he has been texting again, pretty much begging me to fuck him.  He even once said he would give me “whatever I want” if I would.  Hmmmm… guess we will see how much time I have before I leave. 😉  He’s been out of the country, and now out of state, so it hasn’t been practical, yet.

Anyhow, I went to the party with the military man that I went to the Slightly Scary Swinger Party with, the guy who came in me.  Because this party was closer to where he lives and I was actually coming in from out of town, we met there.  I told him I’d had sex with the male half of the host couple previously, just so he’d be aware.  He said okay, then we could play with them.  He decided we should discuss boundaries before the party, so I was happy about that.

I called when I got there and he met me outside.  The male half of the host couple (Mr. Mandingo, as the Producer once referred to him as) was on his heels.  Mr. Military walked faster and got to me first.  He grabbed my arm “I don’t want you to give that pussy to anyone else here before me. I get it first, do you hear me?” he threatened, in my ear.  Mr. Mandingo was beckoning us to hurry up and get inside.  “Anything else you wanted to talk about first?” I asked.  “NO.  Just don’t fuck anyone without my permission. Come on.”

Inside, we were greeted by Mr. Mandingo’s wife, who was sitting on a couch with another woman, and maybe 10-15 other people, who were mostly congregating around a potluck of appetizers in the kitchen.  Most of the people there, were, you guessed it, not particularly attractive.  I’d been hoping, since it is near a military base, we’d have a little better luck. 

Granted, I got there kind of late and one of the couples that had emailed me earlier was already gone.  I’d had to take my name off the party list because for some reason Mr. Military seemed to think he wouldn’t be able to get in for a couple price if I signed up. They may have thought I wasn’t coming.  I hadn’t had the time to email them back.  Mr. Military said the woman half was very attractive and was later wanting me to text and tell them to come back but my phone service wasn’t working at their house (damn Tmobile).  He said he wasn’t sure if I’d like the guy anyhow, something about him wearing a bow tie, lol (why would that be a turnoff??  Men.)

Mr. Mandingo and his wife said that they had missed me and where have I been?  They said I need to come around more often.  As he took me to hang up my coat, Mr. Mandingo asked why I hadn’t contacted him again.  He’d tried to reach me on the swinger site but I am unable to email back.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Mr. Military watching us and he didn’t look too happy.

Mrs. Mandingo (who is a blonde, 40ish white lady, lol) gave me a tour of the house.  There were beds everywhere.  Next to each bed was a bowl of condoms, baby wipes and special stay- dry pads for squirters, as well as a bag of breath mints. In the master bedroom, we again came across Mr. Mandingo, who looked like he was about to have sex with someone, a bohemian, hippyish looking woman, with glasses. Mrs. Mandingo apologized profusely and told him to go ahead and do his thing, we would leave them alone, but he hung around for a minute, being friendly towards me.

The hot tub on the back porch wasn’t working and the shadow room they had made in the basement, she said didn’t quite have the effect they wanted, but overall it was a very nice setup.  The rule was no locking any doors.

All this time, Mr. Military stayed a little way behind us, watching.  As soon as my tour was over, he pulled me downstairs with him, into a room with a bed.  He ordered me to take off my panties and climbed on top of me, still in my dress.  We started to fuck and soon there were a few people standing in the doorway, watching.  Mr. Military didn’t seem to like the audience.

He pulled out and got up to get dressed.  “You’re done already?” questioned a tall, skinny, nerdy- looking black guy. “You didn’t even take off her dress”.  I could almost see the steam rising out of Mr. Military’s ears.  “Are you gonna let me have a turn?” asked the other guy.  I looked at Mr. Military and shook my head no.  “Why don’t you tell him yourself?” he said loudly, making a point.  “She’s not interested”.  The guy looked pleadingly at me and Mr. Military repeated, “she SAID she’s not interested”.  He reluctantly walked away.

We went upstairs for a bit and I could tell Mr. Mandingo was wanting to sleep with me.  He kept coming up and talking to us.  We socialized a bit before Mr. Military brought me back down to the same room again.  This time he wanted me to take ALL my clothes off.  Mr. Mandingo peeked in as we were undressing, but politely closed the door.

We again started fucking on the bed and again the tall nerdy guy was in the doorway watching.  The look on his face was honestly kind of creeping me out.  I was thankful there was another man, and a muscular one at that, in between us.  If I saw someone looking at me like that on the street, I would be scared.  This time, I could tell Mr. Military was trying to put on a show, but the sex was still mediocre. 

After he finished he lay there for a minute, until the guy left, and then we got up to get dressed.  Mr. Mandingo again peeked in the door.  I could tell he wanted to fuck me.  He kept looking at me all night, making subversive eye contact when Mr. Military wasn’t watching.  Mr. Military didn’t leave my side though, and playing with The Mandingos never happened.  I later asked him why and he said because the wife wasn’t going to fuck him so he wasn’t about to “share” me.

The rest of the party was nothing to write home about.  We went back to Mr. Military’s apartment and he told me I had to be super quiet because one of his neighbors is someone he works with.  Basically he just wanted me to lie still and shut the fuck up while we had sex, so he could get off.  Same thing again in the morning. 

The next day I got an email from a “single” guy on the swinger website.  It was Mr. Mandingo, with a newly opened profile of his own.  He gave me his number and we texted back and forth, with him saying how badly he wanted to fuck me that night and why didn’t I sleep with him at the party?  I said my date said his wife didn’t want to swap and he said no way was he sharing his wife with this guy unless he was my serious boyfriend.

He said he wanted to get a hotel room and fuck me, alone.  I was busy now though, and had my kids.  The next weekend he invited me to come to his hotel room with he and his wife at another swinger party.  Again, I couldn’t. 

Since then he has been sending me some crazy texts.  Mainly that he wants to fuck me without a condom and cum inside me.  He says he wants to “breed” me.  According to him this is how he would “claim” me as his. I was like, well, I’m not trying to get pregnant for real and I am not on birth control.  He said “we’ll see about that”.   ::: blink, blink, blink :::  Men .are fucking. crazy.  SMH…

The following weekend I went on a date with a guy I met off Plenty of Fish.  He took me to Houlihans for a nice dinner and I wanted to fuck him, mainly because he reminded me of the Professor.  He was a little stiff, and nerdy, and actually used to be a Professor himself.  He was actually cuter than the Prof though, and former military too.

I guess I just missed the Prof a little bit, lol.  He actually texted me right before my date.  He has a habit of doing that on Sat. nights, I think because he knows thats when I usually go out.  Always with the guilt trips, but never asking me to spend time with him. 

So I went back to this guy’s place with him.  It’s an apartment on a golf course, like 5 miles outside the city limits.  Everything seemed to be going well.  We ate some cheese cake at his place (he’d already spent $80 on dinner, so I wasn’t minding desert at home)and then back to his bed.

It all went to pot after that.  We were just about to fuck when I asked him to wear a condom.  He tried to put one on and totally lost his erection, never to be seen in full again.   Yet,  he wasn’t going to give up.  He kept trying to fuck me, in every which way, doing all the sexual things he would have done could he have gotten hard.  We 69’d, everything, to no avail. 

OUCH.  It was just painful.  Painful for him, painful for me, lol.  He kept saying “it’s not you, you are sooo gorgeous”. 😛  I was trying to not let it get to me.  At one point he got it in for a little bit, but…fail.  I don’t even know whether or not to count him as a sex partner.  He’s probably going to fall among the ranks of “didn’t count” guys.

He was pulling my hair, slapping my ass, trying different positions…nothing.  He went down on me a lot, and was disappointed that I wasn’t cumming.  He even asked me the dreaded “what do you want me to do?”  Ugggghhhh…what am I supposed to say to that??  “Get hard and fuck me? ”  That doesn’t seem like it would go over well, lol.

At one point, as irrational as it may seem, I asked him if he had cum.  He had managed to get inside me for just a little bit then pulled out and ran to the restroom.  He tried to say yes, he did in the bathroom, but I could hear him in there peeing, so I really don’t think so.  It’s just that it wouldn’t be the first time a guy had gone from totally soft, to spurting, in a nanosecond, and I didn’t want another guy cumming inside me, after that last experience. 

Since I went home, he’s been begging me to meet up again for a do-over.  I feel so bad for him that I may, just to make him feel better.  I’m not really very turned on by the idea but I hate to leave him all mortified like that. :/  It’s not like it probably hasn’t happened to every guy at some point and I know it sucks from both sides.  He’s promising really nice dates and trying to get me to see him again before I leave.  If there’s more, I’ll let you all know!

Dancing, drama, and a quickie (party #2)

inthemoodforaquickie

On the way to the second party of the night, the Host warned me that the old guy and his wife, who have been at all of his other parties, would be there.  I was a little leery as to why he was telling me this and asked if they were spending the night.  He said no, and that he knew I didn’t like the older man.  In hindsight, I’m going to guess that this was his way of letting me know he wasn’t planning on giving me much attention.

He dropped me off at a table with these people, as soon as we arrived, and the redhead girl from the former parties, and then barely spoke to me until it was time to leave.  I tried to be friendly, but they were decidedly unwelcoming.  The old guy didn’t even look my direction and the redhead didn’t say much.  The other girl, well, later I heard her talking ABOUT me, and about how I was going to move up there, but she wasn’t saying anything directly TO me.

Wow.  Okay.  I felt like we were in junior high or something.  I’m pretty sure there was some jealousy involved because the one girl was making a point of talking loudly about her relationship to the Host and how he said she was special to him and that her husband knew and accepted all of this.  I mostly just ignored them and went off to do my thing, though I did see them looking at me a few times when I was dancing with different guys.  They stayed sitting at the table pretty much the entire time, with the redhead sometimes sitting on the old guy’s lap.

Rather than worry about feeling excluded, I just talked with the Mexican girls at the next table over, who were nice, and got up and walked around.  I was making my way to the restroom, when I slipped and almost fell on something wet on the floor.  The people whose table I was in front of stopped to talk with me a bit and tease me about my mishap.

This guy looked kind of like Don Knotts.  His wife was blonde and cute though.  They were with another couple and they all said they thought I was Mexican, because I was over there hanging with the Mexicans.  It wouldn’t be the first time people have thought that either, lol.

They asked who I had come there with and I pointed out the Host, who was off talking with people.  The Don Knotts looking guy said “oh, I heard he is the ‘exception to the rule'” (wink, wink).  I’m pretty sure he was referring to his endowment, and I was thinking, I can’t believe he just said that, but played dumb, like I had no clue what he meant.  Mr. Host may not be that well endowed, but he’s pretty damn good in bed.  I’m sure as hell not complaining! Honestly, he’s just as good, if not better, than a lot of guys that are more so.

Shortly after that, a man asked me to dance.  He was a tall, slightly older, black man with a streak of gray in his hair.  I would  guess him to be in his late 40’s.  He said this was his first time at one of these parties and claimed not to remember having made a profile on the swinger site.  I’m not sure how he got in otherwise, though. 

We danced to a couple songs, then he wanted to go check out some of the rooms at the club.  They have public and private rooms where people can have sex.  I’d been to this place before with Mr. Motorcycle, but it was a different club and they were charging for private rooms.  This one, they were free.

He pulled me into a private room and closed and locked the door.  We took off our clothes and fucked on the couch.  He wore a magnum condom that I don’t think he needed and it lasted about 30 seconds, before he came.  We got dressed and left the room, pretending like nothing had happened. He later asked me to dance again and was raving about the “great time” we had together.

A few minutes later, I was walking near that same room and a Mexican guy aggressively grabbed and started kissing me.  I was pulling away and the Host walks out of the nearby room that is set aside for smokers.  He walked up to me and took my arm, telling the guy I’d talk to him “later”.  He said to me “see, I am always watching you, always looking out for you, I don’t miss a thing”.  I was thinking yeah, except for the fact that I just fucked someone in that same room like 5 minutes ago, lol.

So I sit down for a minute at our table and am sipping on my drink when a tall, biracial guy walks by and pulls on my hair.  I ignored him so he walks back and pulls it again.  I’m kinda giving him a “leave me alone” look, and look back at my drink,so he goes up to the redhead and does the same thing.  She ignores him and looks away too.  Then he walks up behind the woman that is all into Mr. Host and grabs her ass. 

She flipped and told him to back off.  Her husband comes charging at the guy and a bunch of people have to hold him back.  Mr. Host gets in the middle of it all and starts trying to talk to the mixed man, while the security guys are running in.  Presumably, he was explaining that this was inappropriate.  The guy was yelling but I couldn’t hear what Mr. Host was saying. 

It took seemingly forever and lots of talking, between this guy, Mr. Host and the security guys but finally this man was asked to leave the party.  As he is heading out to the parking lot, his girlfriend flips out, something about him having her credit cards on him, and punches him in the face! 

Everyone is standing there waiting to see if he would hit her back, but he kept his arms down at his side, even though they were screaming at one another.  Finally, she got into her car and took off.  I don’t know what he did after that, but he wasn’t allowed back in the club.

Back at the table, this girl whose ass he grabbed is going on about how her husband had her back but COMPLAINING about Mr. Host not getting upset enough.  WTF?  I’m thinking, if anything, he was overreacting.  He was way involved in the situation and really all the guy did was grab her ass.  I’ve had that happen multiple times at swinger parties and never made a scene about it.  He shouldn’t have, but really, after she said something, he backed off. So it didn’t need to turn into a 5 alarm emergency.  She was clearly enjoying all the drama and attention directed at her.

I drifted away from all the drama and a 27 year old white guy asked me to dance.  He was telling me he had never been to a swinger party before but had decided to come here when he was moping about his ex and thinking that she was probably fucking other people.  He said the idea turned him on and somehow that led him to decide to try a swinger party tonight.  I wasn’t into this guy but was listening to his story and basically humoring him.  He was okay looking, I just wasn’t that attracted.

We sat at a table, drinking for a few minutes and then he said something about wanting to look around so we walked past some of the public sex rooms.  He invited me into one and I was hesitant.  Mr. Host was standing a few feet away, with his back to me, talking to people and I was kind of hoping he would see and help get me out of this situation, but he didn’t. 

I was holding back and the guy was like come on, we can just go sit in there and watch.  There were a few couples in there but they weren’t doing anything more than kissing.  I reluctantly walked in the room with him and sat on the couch.  He didn’t try anything at first and I was watching the porn on the big screen and noticing that there were several single guys standing outside the door, staring (they aren’t allowed to come in unless they are with a woman or couple).  It was a bit creepy.  They were like hungry vultures, looking at some prey, lol.

I was using their staring as my excuse not to engage with this guy when he started trying to kiss on my neck.  I would pull away from him but he just kept going for it.  I noticed he had a quarter sized hole in the crotch of his jeans and I was like WTF?  lol  He pulled me on his lap and was kissing my neck and rubbing my shoulders. I was feeling really uncomfortable and it was obvious because one of the Mexican guys, who was standing in the doorway, later told me I really looked like I didn’t want to be in there.  He questioned “you didn’t like that guy did you?” when we were dancing. 

I finally said something about how I needed to go talk to Mr. Host and got up and walked out of the room, leaving the poor guy behind.  Mr. Host was in another room, talking and goofing off with one of the club owner’s wives, so I didn’t actually talk to him but sat down at our table. 

Her husband came up to me.  He said he remembered me coming to his club with the Pilot.  I was like “oooh, you are good, you even remember who I was with” and he said yeah, the Pilot is one of his friends.  I’m pretty sure, at the time, the Pilot had been talking about arranging something with these people, but the guy actually seems kinda shy.

Anyhow, his wife, and a bunch of the Mexican girls, wanted me to come out and dance, so I did.  A lot of dancing after that, the Mexican folks were a bunch of party animals, lol.  I danced with the girls, danced with different guys, danced on the pole with a bunch of girls, danced on a pole by myself and finally sat down, exhausted, in my chair.  So this Mexican girl comes over and gives me a lap dance, and all these guys are watching. 

She was asking if I wanted to come to their after party later and I said I wasn’t sure, I was just going wherever Mr. Host was.  Some of the other Mexican folks went over and talked to him and came back saying he was “definitely” coming to party with them, so I would be too.  It was like 3 in the morning and I was honestly pretty tired and not feeling in the mood for that but I didn’t say so.

Finally, Mr. Host comes over and asks me do I want to go with the Mexicans or just come back to his house for some “alone time”.  I was going to say “alone time” but then he asked me if I had “gotten mine” yet.  I said “a little bit” and he was like “a little??” I’m pretty sure he thought since I’d been gone a long time (with that white guy) that I must have been fucking someone.  I was, of course, referring to the 30 second fuck I’d had earlier, lol.

So he says hold on a minute and goes over to talk to these biker people.  He came back and said I tell you what, we are going to take them back to the house for “a little fun” and then we can kick them out and it will just be you and me.

 I took one look at these people and said “I am not fucking any of those guys”.  The guys had long, Duck Dynasty beards and fucked up teeth.  They were definitely not my type.  Mr. Host said “oh, no, I would NEVER expect you to do that” and that now I am going to find out about his “bad side”.  He said they were just coming over to smoke a little weed. He again joked about me getting my “30 seconds” later (if only he knew…)

I’m like, okay whatever and one of the couples comes along and gets in his truck with us.  Ugh.  I guess they didn’t have their own vehicle with them and had been drinking.  So I know he’s going to have to take them back home or something later too.  Plus, the guy was just obnoxious.

Anyhow, I’ll tell you all more about it later. 😉  I actually ended up having some fun later in the night, but I promise you it wasn’t with the biker, lmao! 😉

Stopping the stalkers…

stalker

I got a text last night from a number I don’t recognize and isn’t in my phone contacts. It was some sort of Youtube video with a random guy rapping. At first I didn’t open it because I thought it might be spam.

Instead I texted back whoever it was:

“Who is this?”

Creepy person: “Ur lover”

Me: “What?”

CP: “Yep, I still admire you a lot”

Me: “Who is this?”

CP: “Just figure it out”

CP: “Muah”

Me: “Who is this?”

No response after that. WTF?

The sad thing is that it could be any of a myriad of stalker guys I have collected in the past couple of years. I actually went into my T-mobile account this morning and figured out how to block numbers. Thank God for the Family Allowances plan, that I have also used to control my teenager’s phone and ground him from texting or calling anyone but me when he gets in trouble. Only problem is that it limits me to blocking only 10 numbers from my phone at a time. Apparently there are more guys harassing me than T-mobile can keep up with, or at least more numbers. Do these guys seriously think calling me from a DIFFERENT NUMBER is going to make me MORE INTERESTED in speaking to them? SMFH

Here’s the breakdown of the suspects I have blocked from my phone for now:

The DJ: This is a guy I met and had a one night stand with over a year ago. We went out on a date followed by returning to his house to show me his deejaying equipment. He even gave me a personalized CD which I later listened to and decided totally sucked and threw it in the trash, but that’s beside the point.

After messing around with his equipment for a bit I told him I’d really better get going. So he sat on the couch and pulled me over to him, yanked down my pants (which came off rather easily) and started licking. Then he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. As he started to pull off his pants I said wait, aren’t you going to wear a condom? He said yes and then proceeded to go right in WITHOUT one. After sex I said I really needed to go now and he wouldn’t let me get up. He pinned me down and went in for round two. I finally got out of there, but not before agreeing to let him take a couple of pictures (without my face).

In any case, his pushiness turned me off enough that I decided I never wanted to see him again. He, on the other hand had other plans. He told me he thought I was the perfect woman for him and he wanted to make me his girlfriend (despite me telling him quite clearly beforehand that I was only in this for NSA sex and wasn’t interested in more and him adamantly agreeing). I told him I was not interested in meeting him again but the emails and calls and texts continued. I decided ignoring him was my best bet. Then he would call from different numbers. Ignore, ignore, ignore and he will eventually go away right?

As luck would have it I was out on a date with a new guy at a Mexican restaurant in town when in walks the DJ with another woman. She looked, old, overweight and frumpy but they were clearly “together”. He saw me and later texted “YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!”

Okay, that should be the end of him now right? NOPE. He started sending me emails on the site where we met (Plenty of Fish) BEGGING me to see him again. One recently even said “I will do ANYTHING to be with you”.

I started getting random texts from numbers I don’t have in my phone with comments like “U really make me feel bad”. Could it be him? Quite possibly. He is at the top of my list for guilt inducing texts so I’m thinking there’s a good chance it’s him who texted me last night, plus the fact there was a video of some unknown rapper. Like who but a DJ would send me that? Never fear though, there are other possibilities.


The Coach
: Somewhere around the time I met the DJ guy last year I also met a man who coaches high school football. We went on a date to a bar. I was horny (ovulating) and in the mood for sex. This guy was huge and I had to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him. He claimed to be cool with casual sex or a one night stand so I figured why not? He was sort of a rough and aggressive type and we had sex at his place which wasn’t bad except for him wanting me to bite his nipple. Like he wanted me to bite the hell out of it, nothing was hard enough. I think he wanted me to draw blood and I am totally not into that.

He too, refused to wear a condom. I had brought one along and he insisted he had a vasectomy and didn’t need it. So I offered to put it on for him. He claimed I did it wrong and ripped it off before going inside me. I didn’t have another one and of course neither did he.

When I was getting ready to leave he backed me up against the door and asked if there were any other guys in there, putting his hand between my legs. When I admitted yes he said he was going to make sure he was the only one from now on. Um, whatever, just let me leave.

So afterwards I told him I was only interested in a one night stand and nothing further. He didn’t believe me and tried to convince me otherwise. I started ignoring his texts and calls as well but I still get emails that I never respond to, begging. He was from Plenty of Fish as well
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The Murderer: I met this guy on Plenty of Fish (notice a pattern here? Haha). We actually emailed like once or so and I had totally forgotten about him until I ran into him at Walmart. He recognized me from the website and despite my hair being in a ponytail, having kids with me and being a hot mess from just having worked out, he claimed I was way hotter in person. He followed me out to the parking lot to ask for my number. He seemed nice and decent and was kinda cute so I gave it to him and actually allowed him to pick me up at my house for our first date. I reasoned that he didn’t seem creepy in person and it was probably okay.

So, he took me out for dinner and halfway through informs me that he had spent 10 years in prison for a murder he says he didn’t commit. (That’s what they all say. Find me a guy in prison who admits to actually committing the crime. Yeah….) Nevertheless I ever so wisely allowed him to drive me back to his house, which was actually an extended stay hotel (yikes). There he gave me a foot rub. I was sitting on his bed. It was the fastest foot rub in the history of man. He lotioned up my feet and went to work and then jumped up and was like “okay, let’s go”. Whew…. He drove me back to my house, where he slipped $40 into my hand, claiming it was “for gas” and took off. WTF? I felt like a foot fetish whore.

A week or so later he sent me a picture of his dick. When I didn’t respond he sent a video. Now he occasionally texts asking to meet and I completely ignore him.

The Guy I Ditched: This was another fish out of POF. I must be fishing in the wrong pond, but he was also on Adult Friend Finder. He had contacted me on there too but I didn’t have a face pic so he didn’t know that. He seemed cool over text and email though he was a man of few words. His pics were pretty nice and I thought great he’d make a good fuck buddy since he didn’t talk much. Well, so much for that.

We met at a down- home, breakfast restaurant and fairly soon after meeting him I could tell he wasn’t quite right in the head. He was a truck driver. Something about him was “off” but I can’t put a finger on it. Head injury of some sort? I don’t know but turns out he was staying in a hotel RIGHT NEXT to the restaurant. CRAP. I didn’t really know the best way out of the situation and followed him back to his room. Thank God he had forgotten his key and had to run to the front desk to get it. Meanwhile I ran to my vehicle, jumped in and drove away.

He texted me feverishly afterwards, thinking it was just a case of nerves. Nope. I told him I decided I didn’t want to do it but that didn’t deter him from texting me again and again. In fact, I just got a text from him two days ago, asking me on another date. It’s been like a year since that first day too. Seriously? I never answer. Could he be my “secret admirer”?

The Cracked Egg: I met this guy at the grocery store. He came up to me asking me to inspect his eggs for him to see if any were cracked. Turns out he was pretty cracked himself. So anyway, he was very determined to talk to me. He followed me into the checkout line, telling me I looked like an “angel” and the checker thought we were together. I said no we were not and he was telling people all around us what a good couple we would make. I think I seemed a little unsure about that because the checker asked if I needed someone to help me out to the car and all I was buying were milk and eggs.

Nevertheless, he was actually kind of cute, despite being older (I think in his 50’s, but he was in great shape) and I kind of admired his persistence. After he followed me out to the car I talked to him a bit and finally agreed to exchange numbers. He gave me his business card (he worked as a personal trainer of some sort for men in a big prison) and later called to talk. At first he seemed fairly normal but then he got a little weird. He would call and want to have phone sex. I mostly didn’t say anything because I have kids around all time and he’d get all into it himself. He was asking me to call him “Master” on the phone and it was like dude, I don’t even know you. I’d try to get off the phone ASAP but he would try to get me to hold on until he got off.

He started claiming he wanted to be a dad to my kids (that he’d never met) and come and move in with us. Uh, yeah, no. Waaaay too fast for me and way too creepy. When I told him I wasn’t interested in that he’d insist that I needed it. I started ignoring him but he’d call me repeatedly, several times a day, from different phone numbers. I think he finally gave up. Think…..

The Weird Indian Guy: Okay, this guy I met on Craigslist and never met in person. First thing, he told me he was “black” but actually turned out to be an Indian dude. When he sent me his picture I was like what? Why would someone lie about their ethnicity/race? Huh? Like, I wasn’t going to figure that out? He later admitted to being Indian (like from India, not Native American). Okayyyy….

In any case he was also way older than he let on and oh, he happened to be married and live like an hour away. He was kind of weird and pushy sounding over the phone and in talking to him I decided he wasn’t my type and it just wasn’t going to work out and let him know. He tried to convince me otherwise but I was adamant about not wanting to see him. When he wasn’t accepting no for an answer I told him I had decided to see someone else. So he finally backed down and said that I should keep his number on hand in case that didn’t work out. Okay. End of that? Of course not! He started calling me repeatedly, even after I asked him to leave me alone. So I changed his name to “creepy dude” in my phone and never answered again. Still didn’t stop him from trying months down the road.

Oh, and we can’t forget my first ever online date and My First Ever Craigslist Encounter meet (we didn’t have sex). I was still married that time and having a little tiff with the guy I’d had an affair with. I knew he was sleeping around so I decided maybe it was time for me to explore my options too.

So I went out on a date with this guy I met off Craigslist. He was older, 44, he said. and I think I was 33 at the time. His picture was from kind of far away but he looked fairly handsome from that angle. For some reason the age difference sounded kinda hot and I liked him over email and text. We communicated for awhile before ever meeting in person and I finally got a chance to sneak out with him at lunchtime.

He took me to a sandwich shop. I was sooo afraid of getting caught that I was a little jumpy and it didn’t help that the first time I saw him he walked up BEHIND me in the parking lot. Scared the tar out of me and almost made me jump out of my skin, lol. Much to my surprise he looked more like he was 65 than 44. Old enough to be my grandpa.

I ordered a lemonade but declined a sandwich, knowing this wasn’t going to work. We sat there and talked while a table of younger military dudes were smiling and winking at me behind him. I was totally embarrassed because this guy was just ancient and not very cute. He must have sent me a picture from like 25 years ago! The only thing recognizeable were his eyebrows, which were sort of thick and bushy.

I was in a hurry to get out of there but he wanted to sit in my vehicle and talk. I told him no I couldn’t and thankfully got rid of him quickly. I was worried he would follow me so took off as fast as I could. He emailed me for ages afterwards, telling me how beautiful I am and how much he liked me. Yeah, that made me feel pretty bad. I politely told him that I had decided it wasn’t a good idea for me to go through with things with him but he kept contacting me for a long time.

He blamed it on my nerves, like other guys have as well. Damn nerves, they keep a virginal girl like me from having sex all the time… I think I finally got rid of him, but you never know. I doubt he’d have sent me the rap video though, probably not someone his age.

Then of course there is the guy from the post I wrote the other day Pressure on Dates….Uggghhh. He’s fairly recent so still a possibility. I’m sure I haven’t even gotten them all. I will admit that at times I have sucked at being FLAT OUT CLEAR that I am not interested fast enough. It is something I really need to work on. Thankfully, the majority of these guys are still lurking around from pretty far in the past (like over a year) and I feel I am getting more firm with people. I’m definitely getting practice anyway!

Also, the sex with guys I don’t plan on continuing on with is going down because I am coming to believe that men may actually be worse than women stereotypically are when it comes to being ditched after a one night stand. So much for the myth that men are always the ones to pump and dump! Sometimes women are guilty of doing the same thing, we just expect men to be able to handle it better. We think THEY are the ones after a one night stand. Ha!

Only thing is that you don’t always know. Sometimes I don’t want to continue on with a guy after sex because we are a sexual mismatch and that can be hard for men to cope with. Fortunately most guys give up after a few attempts at meeting afterwards but some will keep it up for years. I don’t like to make expectations either way beforehand because it really all depends on the chemistry and the guy and how it all pans out.

Yeah, I could go to never having sex on the first date but I am so dang impatient and pressed for time! My main goals right now are to screen guys better on first dates and work on making my decisions more surely and quickly and to be more firm when saying NO. That doesn’t always stop him from continuing to harass me forever though. Of course there’s always common sense, like not going back to someone’s hotel room if I am not feeling him or if he just happens to be a murderer. :p But I digress… I’m gonna have to make some serious usage of this blocking feature. Maybe after realizing they are blocked for a month or so they will quit and I can filter out the old numbers and add in new ones if need be, lol.