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he's back

Well, I am moved to the big city!! So far, so good, and I am happy here. It’s like night and day from where I was living before. A few things suck, like the maintenance issues I have been dealing with regarding my new place, and the fact that it’s like two more weeks before they will hook up my internet. However, all that should only be temporary. If you are reading this, its because I managed to use my phone as a hot spot long enough to post, lol. 😉

In the men department, of course, many things have changed. I kind of left a few guys in the dust when I bailed town. Some of them weren’t too happy about it. Others, I’m not as sure. I’ve been having some issues with my phone not recieving texts, which may have made my departure seem even colder than it was meant to be.

I debated and debated with myself about contacting the married man when I moved up here. I didn’t want to be the one to cause him to stumble, but it was sooo tempting to want to text and be like “hey neighbor” to let him know I was in town and close by. Turns out I didn’t have to. 😉 HE contacted ME, out of the blue, the Friday before I was set to move!!

His text read “come to *the City* this weekend and let me make it up to you”. When I told him I was MOVING up that weekend he was in shock, lol, and totally excited! He said “you just made my day”. 😉 He was profusely apologetic for what happened the last time, when we didn’t have sex due to his guilt, and said that things aren’t what “he thought” at home. Whatever that means…. I didn’t ask.

After he found out about my move, he started in with some demands. He said now that I am coming his way I need to know that he doesn’t like to share with other men. According to him, he planned to have me so “touched out” I wouldn’t need anyone else anyway. Then he started getting onto me about the swinger parties (which he never did when I wasn’t close by) and claiming he was worried about std’s.

I’m pretty sure that is not the case. I mean this is a guy who fucked me bareback, within minutes of meeting me the first time, off Craigslist, lol. Whatever. He was sooo “concerned” that he put on a condom this time though, for about 30 seconds, before ripping it off and throwing it on the floor.

It was weird though, the sex this time wasn’t all that great. I mean, it was still good, but nothing like I remember. It was pretty much like fucking any other guy. I’m not really sure what it was, if it was me, or him, or just a change in the chemistry. I admit to being a little bit irritated with him beforehand too, about his attitude, and because he showed up WAY later than expected and kept saying he’d be there in a little bit. Maybe emotionally I was just put off. Not sure what was going on there.

He’d been pushing hard to see me that night and I was putting him off because I’d already invited Mr. Firm to come help me christen my new house. 😉 We didn’t have plans set in stone or anything, it was just a maybe, but the Married Man had contacted me after, so he was kind of the backup plan. When he started exhibiting all the typical madonna/whore stuff, and I’d been all happy chatting with Mr. Firm, who doesn’t do that, right before….he just seemed less exciting, or something.

I will say though, that I am still impressed with Mr. Married Man’s ability to unsnap a bra strap with more ease than I’ve ever seen anyone do it in my life, lmao. I’m like how does he DO that?? He can get it off even more easily than me, with one hand, in like half a second.

He seemed super tall to me for some reason too. Maybe because I wasn’t wearing heels for a change. I was in socks when he came to the door and he seemed like a giant when he had to bend down to kiss me lol. He’s 6’1″, just seemed bigger than he used to be. It HAS been over a year since we last slept together and the last time I saw him he was seated in his car.

The other returning man has been the Pilot!! We’ve still kept in touch all this time, but it has mostly been sporadic. He had told me at some point that he was falling for a woman at work and thinking about something serious with her, which totally turned me off. I told him I didn’t want to be fucking him in that situation and he thought that I was being dramatic. It just bothered me, and I didn’t want to be put again into a situation like I was with the Professor, or the Producer, or any of these guys where I ended up getting hurt because they wanted to treat me as second best.

Anyhow, when he heard I was moving his direction, he made it clear he’d like to spend some more time with me again. I didn’t even ask about the other woman. It had been months ago when he mentioned that. He invited me to be his partner for this group where they were supposed to be having “orgies during the day” at lunchtime, once or twice a month. I was unsure but agreed to come to the meet and greet and check it out.

He came to pick me up and my 22 year old sister was here to babysit. We were both dressed up and pretending to be going to some sort of a luncheon. My sister later said to me “OMG, he’s cute AND he has a nice car, I need to hang out with you more often!!” LOL

Anyhow, he’d asked me to wear a dress, with the plan being that we would meet these people then find a place to fuck each other after. So I was in a short, shiny, silver, tank dress and heels. He kept telling me I looked especially hot. He also was “warning” me about things now that I am living closer to the big city swinger scene. He said to be careful.

I couldn’t really get him to be specific, so not sure what he meant, but he was concerned about me being a single woman and how the guys would act now that I’m living up here. I told him I’d gone to some of the Host’s parties (he knows him) and he didn’t really like that. He said he doesn’t like to compete, and mostly stays away from that sort of thing (which I don’t really get because here we are on our way to an orgy group…).

We showed up at the meeting spot, which was a park gazebo, yet nobody arrived. I have no idea where he “met” these folks online, but it wasn’t the swinger site. I’m suspecting Craigslist, because he was vague when I asked and I’ve had another “orgy party” that failed through there too once, with the Prof. He had also informed me that we were using fake names for this party beforehand.

I don’t think either one of us was too terribly disappointed that it didn’t work out. He’d given me some fair warning beforehand that it might not. After about 20 minutes we got back in the car to find a place to have fun on our own.

He kept driving in circles, checking out parking lot after parking lot. I suspect it was mostly because he wanted to talk. He started telling me about this woman again. He still has feelings for her but they have only had sex once. He’s her boss at work and he’s had some issues there with gossip lately. It sounds like a mess and he’s obviously got it bad.

He said he was surprised I didn’t ask about her and I didn’t comment. Her name, he told me, is almost the same as mine. :p She told him her “tarot card reader” said she shouldn’t mess with him anymore and has some issue with an extremely abusive ex boyfriend. She had just texted him that day though, to ask him to come see her new house (she is moving too) and he wanted to know if I thought that meant she wanted to start seeing him again. SMH…

Anyway, it was kind of starting to kill the mood and I’m wondering if we are even going to have sex. He did sort of apologize and comment on that right before. He was like “this probably isn’t a good time to be discussing this”. Ya think?? 😛

After driving me through a million parking lots and pointing out a club he said he was wanting to show me that is “Lifestyle friendly but not a Lifestyle club” we finally settled on what looked like the parking lot of a nursing home. Right smack dab in the middle of it. There was no one around, though I suppose anyone could have looked out their window, lmao.

He came around and stood next to the passenger side of the car, unbuckling his pants. I sucked his dick. Then he had me get out and bend over the seat while he fucked me a little bit from behind. It felt really good but after a few minutes he started to get uneasy and wanted to move to another place.

We drove to the back side of the parking lot of a large health club and went at it again. This time he was in a better position to see who was coming and going. I have to admit it was pretty hot. He kept saying “God you are sooo wet”. He asked me where I wanted him to cum and I said anywhere but inside me. So he told me to turn around and take it in my mouth. He came a lot and I managed to swallow most of it, though I got a bit in my hair and on my arm.

Then he drove me home and we talked some more. I just don’t know. The whole thing still bothers me. I guess maybe it shouldn’t, but it makes me feel used. I didn’t tell him any of that though.

Maybe I’ve just been emotional lately (recently finished my period) but I got to thinking about it a lot and why it bugs me so much. On one hand I do enjoy casual sex and I am fine with it with some people, but I still really crave a close emotional relationship with SOMEONE.

All the current men in my life…they already have someone who they are “in love” with, but it isn’t me. I even met and had sex with a new guy the other day, and he seems like he has someone already too. He was trying to tell me we are going to have threesomes, and I noticed when he was showing me pictures on his phone that this one girl’s face just kept popping up.

Theres really not a lot to tell about that guy, lol. I met him on Plenty of Fish. He’s some kind of a golf star and has trophies all over the place and pictures of himself in “Golf Digest”. He lasted about 30 seconds in bed and then maybe a couple minutes for the second round. We had dinner at his house and he cooked me some ribs, macaroni and bbq beans, lol. It was good and then he wanted a massage. He seemed a little selfish overall, and crazy, because he was telling me I need a mixed baby and that maybe in a couple of years he and I could have one (!!). However, he has been nice in offering to have someone who works for him (he owns an auto shop) come look at the A/C in my vehicle. I don’t know, not super into him but may give it another try. I’m not too keen on the threesome idea though.

Anyway, I guess I’m just feeling a little unloved. Its not like I have time to devote to a real relationship and I realize that, but I do ache for some attention and affection, in more ways than just sex. I think I’m lovable, but I’m not sure anyone else sees it.

Society says men only fall in love with you if you don’t sleep with them and I’m not sure there isn’t some truth behind that. Trying to play that game though, seems so fake. I guess I just want someone to be able to see me for who I am and fall in love with that, instead of an image I put forth to “trick” them into something. I’m not holding my breath. :p

Men and Madonna/Whore

halfangel
In preparation for my big move, I decided to switch the zip code and city name on each of my online profiles.  This has already resulted in quite a few new men writing me emails.  It was exciting for a minute, but what with trying to pack and the ten million things I need to get done, it’s getting to be a little much.  Perhaps I should have waited.

Anyhoo, I can hardly keep up, but there have already been a couple of interesting prospects.  One of the men called me on the phone today.  I’m so glad he did, because it helped me to realize I will NEVER be interested in this guy, despite a decent profile and good looks. 

He’s some kind of bodybuilder, or so he felt the need to tell me at least 3 or 4 times, and the pics would seem to back that up.  He also claimed to be an architect and a personal trainer, that makes upwards of 80,000 per year.  Whatever.  I’m pretty sure he’s full of shit, lol..

Throughout the course of the conversation, he told me that:

A. He wants to get me pregnant (WTF, why do I keep coming across this with men??) He said not to worry, he had every plan of taking care of “his child”.  (::: blink, blink :::::)

B. That he lives with a “much older” woman because she and her husband split up and she needed someone to “protect” her from him, but that they have a huge house, and both do their “own thing”.  (Yeah, nice way to try and cover up that she is your sugar Mommy, lmao).  Seriously though, there is nothing attractive about a 40 something man that needs to be taken care of like a child.

C.  Tried to tell me he was 21, then switched it to “between 40 and 45”.  Dude, I don’t want a 21 year old guy.  How is this even supposed to make him more attractive??  I’m 37.  I like men that are a little more mature.

D.  Told me he is a “sex addict”, then proceeded to tell me a story about some woman he went on a date with, but wouldn’t have sex with her, because she seemed to be giving it away “too easily”.  (:::: GAG ::::) 

E.  Asked me if I had stretch marks and said that he hoped my stomach wasn’t “all torn up” from having kids.  Nice.  Yeah, now I absolutely NEVER want to get naked in front of this guy.  I mean, that is the part of my body I am probably the most insecure about.  Why the hell would you say something like that to a mom, before you have even met? SMFH

F. Told me that normally women are the ones who hit HIM up on OKCupid (where we met) but that he saw something, he couldn’t figure out what it was, that was attractive about me.  EYEROLL.  I know damn well women aren’t hitting him up left and right on the dating sites (I did just experiment with this after all, haha).  Plus, this stuff about not knowing what he found attractive about me was almost offensive.

G.  Claimed he was a personal trainer at a particular gym.  My former brother in law is also a personal trainer, I think at that same gym, so I commented on that and he quickly switched it to a gym with the same name in a different (suburb) city.  Then he said that actually, he doesn’t work for the gym itself, but brings in people he trains and just does it there, and that he is helping the gym indirectly that way.  Mmmkay…

H.  Went on about how he needed a woman to be faithful to him, right after telling me that his ex used to want him to have threesomes with her and her girlfriends all the time.  UGH…

Do I need to go through the entire alphabet here?  Haha….I feel like I could, but in any case, no way Jose, am I messing with this guy.

I’ve come across some other interesting (and more promising) men on there, but I want to use this,  to make a point about men and their Madonna/Whore complexes.  It’s one of those things that just perplexes and drives me absolutely crazy with annoyance at the male species.  I DETEST the whole Madonna/whore dichotomy, as I wrote about in On Being a Slut. Kdaddy also recently wrote a blog on the topic, that got me thinking, and wanting to contribute my two cents.

Then I got another email on OKCupid, and it isn’t the only or first guy who has asked me this:  “Do you REALLY want casual sex?”  Apparently, when I first signed up for the site, ONE of the boxes I checked was for “casual sex”.  I think I clicked on that as WELL as, long or short term relationships, dating, and a handful of choices that were available as for what I was looking for at the time. 

The “casual sex” thing though, it gets guys every time.  I don’t mean “gets” them in the sense that they want to fuck, though that is often the case, but gets them all freaked out!!  Apparently, for many men, it is just UNTHINKABLE, that a girl like me, might have deliberately checked the CASUAL SEX button.  OMG!

This guy was unique because he actually bothered to follow it up with another email, when I ignored him. That let me know I was indeed correct, in assuming that he meant it as a negative judgement, rather than his wanting sex with me. 

Here is his second email:  “Actually after reading your answers to the questions on here, I guess maybe you are looking for that. I was trying to be helpful because it automatically marks all the options when you first sign up.”  Gee, thanks for the “help”. 

Shame, shame on me for wanting casual sex.  Once a guy wrote me a big long letter explaining why it wasn’t okay for women to seek out casual sex and that no man would want me if I gave it away so easily.  Thanks.  I so needed a lecture from a random guy on a dating site about how I should conduct my sex life. One thing is for sure, that attitude is not helping the guy get a date, at least from me!!

I’ve always been honestly puzzled and disturbed that so many men split women into the two categories of Madonna/Whore.  I find it very difficult to understand why a woman’s past sexual experiences would be such a bad thing.  If anything, experience helps a woman to learn what she likes in bed and better communicate it to you.

I’ve never been able to quite comprehend how men can have sex with women they consider “whores,” then disrespect them for doing so.  Yet, its common.  Extremely, extremely common for men to sleep around all they want and only settle down with someone who is sexually inexperienced, that they see as more worthy of love.

On some level, I know this is because men see sexual promiscuity as a threat.  If they dare to let down their guard and love a woman who sleeps around, then she might leave them for another guy.  I do understand this, to an extent, it’s just like, come on guys, don’t you have any more confidence than that? 

They trust themselves, to sleep around with many women, but always come back to the woman they fell in love with, or married.  At least many do, yet they can’t trust women to do the same.  I wonder why? 

What bugs me the most is that men do this splitting thing where they won’t be affectionate with a woman they consider a slut.  They treat her as though she is less deserving of sweetness and romance.  Is this some kind of repressed anger? 

Sometimes it goes so far as the guy shaming a woman he DOES have feelings for because of her sexual desires WITH HIM.  I’ve been on the receiving end of this plenty of times and it just leaves me sort of speechless.  You don’t want me to be too sexual WITH YOU?  WTF? 

They won’t usually ADMIT this but it happens a lot.  Quite often the same guy claims to want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets”.  Yet when the rubber meets the road, this is a threat to him and he doesn’t really want that.  She has to fit one or the other mold in his head.

The whole thing bothers me so much because I LOVE being able to give and receive love and affection with a man.  I also LOVE sex.  Finding someone who is cool enough to allow me to do BOTH of those things is like looking for a needle in a haystack. 

It’s like every guy I meet wants me either to be his girlfriend and lack sexual desire, (unless of course its for other women, to bring back to him) or he finds out I want to have lots of sex and doesn’t want to talk or have an emotional connection with me.  I don’t like being pigeonholed into either of those boxes. 

This makes it very hard for me on dating sites.  If I meet guys on a “vanilla” site, there never seems to be an appropriate time to admit I like sex and going to swinger parties.  Many times they just “assume” I want monogamy and that can be frustrating.  When I try to hint at more, then they are like oh, she just wants a fuck buddy, and out goes the possibility of anything special.

Yet, meeting men on a swinger site, they just assume you are all out for the sex and act like its crazy for anyone on there to seek out a relationship.  Well, not totally, because as you have seen if you read my blog regularly, they often want ME to stop sleeping around and just help them get some. :p  They want a one-sided relationship, where you are committed to them, but not vice- versa, like every other guy out there, lol.

What I really want, is a man who can handle me, as is, that I don’t have to pretend with.  Or…several of them.  (Ha) Okay, not really, because when I fall for someone I do tend to have a one track mind.  Not necessarily sexually, but emotionally.  Sometimes it’s sexually too, but eventually my curiosity gets the best of me.  I still think it would be fun to play together, and probably separately as well.

I think something like what Mr. Firm has, sounds ideal.  His girlfriend has it made!  He’s one of the few men I’ve met who seems to be lacking Madonna/whore issues.  I’m still marveling that he hasn’t seemed to change his attitude or level of affection for me after reading my blog.  I’m pretty impressed! 

So I know, if he is like that, there have to be other men out there the same way.  Just not enough of them, lol.  Or, more likely, they just aren’t single!  :p 

Maybe, I’m guilty of wanting to have my cake and eat it too.  But what is the point of having a cake if you aren’t going to eat it?  I’ve never understood that either….;)

Masquerading as a man

Jessie-Matthews1

So I decided to try being a man for awhile.  Don’t get too excited, I only mean online.  I decided to make a man’s profile on Plenty of Fish.

WTF Lovergirl?  Why the hell would you do that?  Don’t worry, I haven’t decided I don’t want to be a woman anymore,  lol.  The PINK, people, look at the pink blog you are reading!! No worries about a sex change here anywhere in the near future. 😉

In fact, I have decided that being a man, totally sucks!!  I am more glad than ever that I was born a female, haha. 🙂  I’m especially thankful not to be a man, trying to meet women via online dating.

It all began when I was chatting the other night with a few men from an online forum.  One of the guys was saying he had given up on trying to date women online, that he thought he was too “ugly” and wasn’t getting enough responses.  I’ve seen his profile and photos and thought he was being ridiculous.  I was like, it’s not your looks, it has to be your attitude, and chided him a bit for giving up so “easily”.

The other guys were agreeing with him that if you are an average looking guy, not many women will respond to your advances.  I wasn’t convinced.  I thought he just needed to exude more CONFIDENCE.

SO, in order to prove a point, I decided to make a man’s profile, and see how I would do.  The guys helped me pick out a photo.  I was going to be a very average looking white guy, with an average build, wearing an average t-shirt, and we decided his job would be “computer programmer”.  He only had “some college” as his education, no kids and never been married.  We picked an average city for him to be from, and fairly average hobbies.

I thought we could say he was military, because of his haircut, but the guys said no. According to them, he’d get laid on that alone. What?? Okay, okay, guilty. LMFAO 

The object here, was to help this poor guy get some sex, or at least a chance at a date.  Of course, I had no intention of actually following up on any emails with women under this guise, or standing up any of them for dates.  That would be too mean.  We were just going to see if he could get RESPONSES. 

I full well believed the guys when they say women don’t usually randomly hit them up on sites like that.  I mean, I generally wouldn’t do that either.  Even if I found a guy attractive, the chances of me SAYING anything to him are slim.  Heck, I don’t usually even browse sites like that much at all.  I just open my email every few days or so and scroll down the long list of guys who have messaged me to see if any catch my interest.

My attitude has always been a little bit of annoyance when men complain about this, actually.  I mean, why would they expect us to make the first move??  Men generally don’t even LIKE women being forward with them.  At least that’s what women are told, and it seems to ring true.  You get too upfront with guys and they run away scared, lol.

The Professor used to complain about women not hitting him up on the swinger site and I’m like WTH, of course they don’t!  That’s the man’s job right?  To pursue women is all on them.  I didn’t have a whole lot of sympathy.  It’s kind of against nature to expect women to go around approaching men for sex.  The reactions we get for even admitting we WANT that can be pretty strong from most of the population.

Anyhow, the experiment ensued.  Mr. Plain and Boring was infused with a really awesome personality and loads of confidence.  Because behind the mask was…well, ME, lmao, and we all know how awesome of a person I am. 😉  I wrote up what I thought was a pretty entertaining and intriguing profile.  The men agreed.

Right away I got an email from a woman.  Score!  She had a pretty face.  I showed her to the guys in chat and they were like, “no, no…she’s overweight.  You can tell by the angle of her pics. ”  They said one really big girl didn’t count and I needed to be able to get attractive, average to thin bodied females, to respond. 

Okay, whatever.  I went to work finding women to email.  That was actually harder than I expected.  I thought there would be more attractive ladies out there, but maybe I am just picky.  The girls I finally ended up choosing for this guy, were all very cute. It just took a lot of work scrolling through the not so hot ones.

Let me just stop and say here.. that women are fucking crazy!!  This is the first time I’ve really bothered to read a bunch of female profiles, and ladies, seriously, I am embarrassed for my gender.  Women will have all these pics posted of themselves, say, wearing a g-string bikini, bending over and doing all sorts of sexy poses, then their profile reads “I’m not looking for men who want sex and don’t be trying to put your hand on my leg on a date!!”  (true story).  I actually laughed out loud at the dissonance in some of these profiles. 

Anhow, my alter ego emailed about 20 women, with what I thought were pretty good and unique opening lines.  The guys in chat thought so too.  No response.  Not a single one.  About 8 or so of them eventually viewed the profile (a feature I’d barely even noticed existed before, you can see who has been looking at you). 

He followed up with one or two of the women who viewed him, but I was losing steam.  This was depressing…and a lot of WORK.  Sheesh.  All I do normally, is email someone back, who sent me an email earlier, and I usually get a response right away.

It’s totally disappointing to log into a dating site and not have an email from a SINGLE person.  What a let down.  I totally feel a little more for the guys now.

I got excited for a minute when I saw someone had said “yes” they want to meet him on the “meet me” feature.  I clicked to see who it was and it my enthusiasm deflated.  Yet another grotesquely obese lady, and this one didn’t even have a very pretty face.

I haven’t taken down the profile yet, and maybe I’ll give it another whirl here soon, but boy, this is TIRING, from an average man’s perspective.  I never stopped to think just how much EFFORT some guys have to put into getting someone to have sex with them.  I know I should have, because I’ve been on a forum for guys who are trying to get help with getting laid for awhile, but this was still pretty eye opening for me. 

Now I know why men are always showing “online” on the swinger site, lol.  Here I thought it was just because they are perving all the naked pictures.  Now I realize at least some of that time they are probably busting their butts sending out emails, haha.  I am one of those women who often sucks at responding too.  A lot of times I don’t even read them and when I do it’s rare for me to email back, unless I see something I really like.

I’m spoiled, but I like it.  I totally love being a female.  Wouldn’t change it for the world.  Especially now that I have ventured over there and gotten a little taste of what it means to be a man.  No thanks!!!  No penis envy here, whatsoever!!  LOL 😉 

I feel bad for you men. What do you want as your consolation prize? A cookie? You can’t have this one!! Don’t go trying to get it on the first date either!! I’m playing….lol, don’t try to kill me 😉 hahaha

Keeping it in the family

wayans brothers

 

So here I am in bed, kissing this complete stranger that Mr. Host had sent in to “take care of” me, another one of his cousins.  I was a bit peeved at Mr. Host, not only for ignoring me, but now he was giving me to someone else to fuck?  It was confusing, yet, I was excited too. 

The new guy was hot, better looking than either of his other cousins, and I liked his demeanor.  I was turned on by the concept, that I was about to fuck this guy I had never even met.  I wasn’t about to say no.

He was kissing me, one hand in my hair and the other between my legs, rubbing against the satin fabric.  He said “you’ve got a phat pussy under there, I can feel it.  I can’t wait to be inside you”.  He pulled off his boxers and tugged at my pajama pants, letting me take them, and my top, the rest of the way off, as he slid on a condom.  “I am looking forward to seeing this big, black, dick against that white skin” he said, as he watched me undress.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve fucked a white girl” he claimed as he was sliding his way in.  “MMMmmm, I can’t keep my hands out your hair…and you have such beautiful eyes.”  “God, you are so fucking tight”.  He kept telling me he couldn’t believe his good luck, happening to have stopped by at his cousin’s house.

The sex was good.  He was well endowed, though not exceptionally so.  You could tell he knew what he was doing.  Halfway through he was saying “this pussy is so good, I am definitely getting your number” and talking about how he wanted to come down to see me on his motorcycle.  He was thrilled when I told him I’ll be moving up that way soon.

At some point, not long after we started, I heard someone in the hallway, using the restroom.  You could hear a door open and close and the fan being turned on.  It made me wonder who was out there?  Had the Host and those other people even left?

After having me bend over on my hands and knees for a bit, he flipped me onto my back and said “I’m gonna fuck that ass now”.  I said “No, no, no, I don’t want that” and he was like “are you sure?  I seen it winking at me”.  I laughed “NO, it was definitely not winking at you”. He teased “oh yes it was, I saw when you were bent over the bed, it was giving me the eye”.  I said I’d done it before I just don’t like it.  His response was “you just haven’t been with a man who knows how to do it right”.  “But I bet all the guys say that to you, don’t they?” He laughed.  I said yep, that is exactly what they say!  Lmao.

He said my pussy was good enough that he wasn’t gonna really care one way or the other, and went back to fucking me again.  Towards the end he asked if it was okay to cum on my face and I said just don’t get it in my eyes.  So he pulled out and was pretending to spell out his initials on my face with his dick as he came, lmao.  He was like “I’ve gotta leave my mark on that”.

He cuddled with me for a bit and asked if I’d fucked the Host yet tonight.  I said no, and he couldn’t believe he’d let him come in there first.  He took down my number and texted my phone.  Then he left the room to go get a drink out of his car. 

He came back with a lemon iced tea for me that he said he’d just bought at the gas station before he came over.  He said he’d gone downstairs and seen the Host was fucking someone.  I asked who and he said he thought it was that same woman from earlier.  She was riding him and the Host had beckoned him over with his hand.  The cousin said he wasn’t sure if he meant for him to come join in or go get me but that he’d rather just be up here with me alone.

I was surprised the Host was fucking her.  I’m not sure why, I guess I should have assumed that he would be.  She wasn’t unattractive or anything, though she was in her 40’s and maybe a little worn looking.  She was tall and blonde and skinny. 

I guess that’s why he sent the cousin into me.  I’d certainly rather fuck him than the hillbilly guy, any day.  Plus, he DID ask if I had gotten my fun in and probably assumed I’d been fucking more than I had at the party.  Who knows what Mr. Hillbilly was doing?  Watching?  Passed out?  Haha

Anyhow, I fucked Mr. Cousin again (I might have to change his name later if I see him again, I don’t want any newbies to my blog to get confused or too many people finding it searching for incest stories, lmao).  This time he pulled the condom off towards the end and went right back in.  Totally defeats the purpose there, but not the first time a guy has pulled that!

After we were finished (and he again came on my face) he wanted to talk a lot.  He asked if I wanted to come with him to some jazz bar that was open till 6 am and eat catfish.  Normally, that might sound good, but I was tired and ready to sleep.

He was telling me all about how he and the Host and their other cousins have been sharing females since they were in high school.  He said his first sexual experience was actually a MFM threesome.  According to him though, it had been awhile since he’d shared someone with Mr. Host, specifically, and he has never been to a swinger party.

He said he makes a point of not judging women because then they open up to him a lot more.  I agreed that was true and admitted that I had grown up with a family that operated similarly, with the brothers/cousins all fucking the same women.

 The guy I had the affair with was from that same family, though I had promised him during that time I wouldn’t fuck his brothers.  We weren’t at the point where he wanted to share any longer and I would stay away from most of them these days, for various reasons.  I admit to laughing a couple of years ago when one of them posted on Facebook that all he wants is to find just ONE woman that hasn’t fucked any of his brothers or cousins, and all the responses were like “have you thought about moving to Alaska?” lol. 

 He finally left around 5:30 and I heard the Host and his company getting ready to leave a few minutes later.  I knew they’d have a 20 minute or so drive each way, so I drifted back to sleep.

I was awoken by Mr. Host climbing on my back and kissing my neck.  I peeked at the clock, 6:30, but pretended to be asleep.  I was still irritated with him.  I lay completely still and didn’t move.

He slid off my pj pants and started gently biting his way up my thighs and on the underside of my ass.  I didn’t budge.  So he spread my legs open and quickly entered me from behind.  I gasped and he whispered in my ear “are you ready for your 30 seconds?” I said “what. ever.” and we had great sex for like the next hour, twice, before falling asleep.  He was saying stuff like “who’s number 1? Tell me I’m number 1″…and promising that he is going to make the sex different each time so I’ll be sure to keep coming back for more.

He woke me up with more doggystyle sex, which was pretty good, cumming inside me, because again, he’s got a vasectomy.  I started my period the next day, thank God, so we know that other guy who came in me didn’t get me pregnant.

 Anyhow, it’s hard to stay mad and he later claimed that the reason he left me alone at the second party was to let me be and let me enjoy myself.  I don’t know about all THAT, but whatever.  I still had fun and it’s not worth the drama at this point.  Just have to be careful to keep myself emotionally distant.

Why do I “prefer” black men?

interracial couple in bed

This is one of those posts that has the potential to upset and offend just about everyone in some way or another, so I’ve been procrastinating, lol, but there have been a couple of times I said I would write it up.  So, here you go, in question and answer format. 

Most of these are real questions that people have asked at some time or another.  Don’t expect them to be politically correct and I can’t be responsible for other people’s thought processes.  Some, I find offensive too, but I’m going to attempt to answer them anyhow. I’m a big fan of DISCUSSING things rather than shushing people up and telling them they are wrong to ask. 

I’m writing it out in this manner because I think the assumptions people make can be really crazy and so far off from the truth.  Sometimes I understand why they might think a certain way and others I am just shaking my head.  Still, its not like everyone doesn’t wonder.  Maybe YOU were too afraid to ask ;). 

Ever since high school, I’ve been getting this:
Lovergirl, why don’t you ever date white guys?

Who says I don’t?  Why would they assume this?  Mostly it’s…white guys..who ask.  I guess its true, that even back then, the majority of the guys I dated were black.  Still, I’m a never say never kind of girl, especially when it comes to things like sex.  😉

Just for fun, I sat down and figured out the actual percentages for you.  Yeah, I was feeling like a nerd. 😉  This is the breakdown of guys I “count” as having had sex with (invoking the Bill Clinton clause-it doesn’t include oral).  Here are my pussy’s demographics:

Black- 75%
White- 13.23%
Asian- 1.47%
Latino- 2.94%
Mixed race- 7.35%

In every case the “mixed” group was a mix of black and white. 

Actually, the first guy I ever had sex with was white, followed by the second guy, who was Asian and then the third, who was black.  Bam! Bam! Bam!  Got that out of the way as soon as I could, hahaha. 😉  I’m playing. I honestly didn’t even think about it at the time, though now it is kind of cool to be able to say I’ve tasted the rainbow. 🙂

Anyhow, we’ve established that its not “never”.  I’ve always been kinda bugged by people who say they would “never” date someone of a different race, but it’s even more weird when you apply that to your own!  How can you block out an entire race of people from your sexual realm of possibility, and how lame is it to discount your OWN freaking race??  WTF??

Honestly, it bothers me when I hear black men say they won’t date black women and I fully understand why some black women get pissed.  The other day at the swinger party where I was talking with two women, a white guy (the one I had just given a blow job to, actually) walked out the door and they both commented that he was cute but they couldn’t fuck him.  The one girl said “I just can’t do white guys anymore” and the other agreed.  They were both white.  I kept my mouth shut but inwardly I was rolling my eyes.

HOWEVER, that said, I clearly do have a preference.  My general preference is black men.  That is USUALLY what I am attracted to.  It’s actually a very strong preference, as you can see from my numbers above.  I sometimes don’t want to admit it, like when the Professor was looking at my swinger site emails and noticed “you don’t even open the white guys’ mail!” That wasn’t entirely true though, I just hadn’t opened MOST of their mail, lol.

Is it because you hate your dad and are trying to get back at him?

This one is kind of entertaining.  Because, well, I didn’t really know my dad until I was a teenager and in the meantime, I had three stepdads.  The first one was white, the second was from South America and the third was black. 

I hated my third stepdad, and still do, but the last way I would try to “get back” at him would be to date black men.  So, hopefully that answers the question as to whether I would date that way because I was “close” to my stepfather too.  NOPE. 

If my black stepfather had been my only exposure to black men and I was one to assume they were all like him, I’d be a racist bitch.  It didn’t happen that way though, thankfully.  Maybe because I was around enough OTHER family members, who were also black, to not make those kinds of assumptions.

I always felt like I was treated like part of the family, for the most part.  While some of his family weren’t too keen on the fact that he was married to a white woman, they didn’t take it out on ME, because I was a kid.  I was just thrown into the mix with the zillions of cousins running around and really no one seemed to think much of it.

Is it because black guys have bigger dicks?

I’ve gone over this one in my post Big Black Men, Is it True?  So if you haven’t read that, head over there.  The answer is no.  That really has nothing to do with it at all.  When white guys tell me they are “black below the belt” it doesn’t turn me on.  I’m just shaking my head.

Is it because you fucked black guys at a young age and “once you go black you never go back?”

Again, I am a never say never kind of girl, remember?  Even after sleeping with a lot of black guys, I went away to an almost totally white college and guess who I fucked there?  White guys!  In fact, that is where I met my ex husband, who was white.

I get this question more from black men than white ones, actually.  What was really entertaining was after I first met my ex husband and went back home for the summer. 

When I first came back, some girlfriends and I went over to this guy’s house.  There were probably like 15 people over there hanging out.  Maybe 5 girls and 10 guys, all of whom were black (except me).  One of the guys asked who I was dating and I told them about my ex.

He thought that was crazy and announced “Lovergirl is dating a white dude!!!” Soon, the attention was all on me, while he and a few of the other guys grilled me right and left and totally made fun of that fact. 

He was like “you aren’t really dating a white guy, you can’t date a white guy! Once you go black you NEVER go back”.  The girls had to jump in “how can you tell her she can’t date a white guy??  She’s white!  You act like she’s black or something!!”  He asked “what’s his name?” and I told him his name and he starts busting out laughing and all the guys are “that is such a white name, hahahaha”.  I said “he’s white!” lmao “what do you expect??  You want his parents to give him a black name?” hahaha

The teasing went on for awhile, with the guys telling me he was probably cheating on me and me saying “no he isn’t”.  The girls were like “he’s not cheating on her!  He’s white!!”  and the guys were saying he was probably doing so right at that very moment.  :p  Then they threatened to call my ex boyfriend, the crazy drug dealer one, and tell him the news.  They were pretending to pick up the phone and I was all “go ahead!!  Why would he care, I’m not talking to him anymore anyway”.   

The whole thing ended with the guy whose house we were at telling me I “even look more white” and pretending to sneer at me, lmao.  Then he was like “you’ll be back…wait”.  Hahaha  I guess I can’t argue about that. 😉

Hold on, wait.  You have sex with all these black guys and then the guy you chose to MARRY was white?  Is this some sort of latent racism?  Did you think he was better marriage material and a better person to make babies with because of his whiteness?

No.  It wasn’t because he was white that I married him.  I actually always wanted to have a biracial baby, because of my little brother and sister.  When they were born I was a young teenager and took care of them all the time.  I thought they were the cutest things on earth and adored my younger siblings.  I totally wanted a mixed race baby, lol. 

However, I DID think my ex husband was completely different from all the other guys I had been with and more “marriage material”.  So this question gave me a pause for just a minute.  Why did I think that?  Was it more than just the fact that he had been the one to ASK me to get married or that his parents kind of pressured us in that direction?  I never dated any black guys whose parents were pressuring them to marry a white girl, btw, lol. 

If there was ONE stereotype I think I had in my head at the time regarding black men, it was that “black men always cheat”.  I know that this is probably unfair, and of course not always true, but it is what it is.  I’d grown up with that imbedded into my brain, mainly from black women!  Not to mention I’d had quite a few experiences of being cheated ON by black guys, including 3 who impregnated someone else whilst we were dating.

I didn’t want to marry someone who would cheat on me.  So I think in some way that probably DID factor into my decision at the time.  Now that I’m older and wiser I’d say everyone cheats, or they will, if they have the option.  If they have the option and don’t think they would get caught, years after being married…I suspect MOST men AND women, would cheat, black or white.

Shortly before I actually ended up cheating on my ex husband, I was emailing back and forth with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time on MySpace.  She is biracial and has 5 kids with like 5 different dads.  She was relaying a story of one of the dads, who had asked her to marry him and got her to come to another state and even gave her a ring, before she discovered that he was ALREADY married and had given her his current wife’s ring!  Nuts. 

She said “you’re lucky, you married a white guy, you don’t have to worry about him cheating on you”.  She went on to lament that she could never date a white guy herself.  I guess I’ll never know if my ex actually cheated on me but he did eventually fall in love with someone else, so there goes that theory down the drain!

Anyhow, sometimes I kind of wish I had married a black man.  For all the negative press black men get, I’m virtually always impressed by what great fathers the guys I see are.  I mean,  they go over and above, and I am so sad for my own children that they don’t have that.

I think a lot of black men, these days, make it a HUGE priority to be a good dad.  It’s like all their lives they have seen the negative effects in the black community and all the stereotypes and go completely the opposite direction.  I wish someone had drilled this into my ex husband’s head while they were knocking him over it with the Bible.  Sigh…

You must have a sexual “fetish” for black men.

I don’t think that is the case.  It’s true that I am more physically attracted, usually, to black men.  Why that is, I can’t say for sure.  I can say that there are plenty of black men I am NOT attracted to and that the ones I am, tend to fall into a very specific “type”.  So like any other “type” that a person has, mine is black men that fall into whatever attraction template I have.  Actually, I think I have a couple.  Most of the guys I see, look or act, in some way, like a man that I have liked previously.  I guess that is part of my natural selection bias.

I also prefer black men to date, not just for sex.  I tend to feel a lot more comfortable with black men and have more in common.  Maybe that is due to not having been around as many white guys growing up.  Even when I had the South American stepfather, most of the families we associated with were not white.  I sometimes have a harder time relating to white guys, despite being white myself.

Even with my ex husband, I never really felt “close” to him, whereas a lot of times I can talk better with black men and feel more understood.  Maybe it is because I don’t really have the same cultural background as most white men.  When I went away to an all white, country, college, it was actually kind of a culture shock for me.  The music, movies, and general attitude that I grew up with veered more towards black than white.  Not that I didn’t have white friends or go to predominately white schools, because I did, but at home it was different.

So what is it that you like about black men and why do you think you choose them?

This is the hard part, because I can’t write it without admitting to having some stereotypes.  I like to think I don’t, but I guess we all do to some extent, like it or not.  Here is the deal though, I have certain traits that I like and have come to look for in men.  In my experience, it is much EASIER to find what I am looking for in a black man. 

What I think it boils down to, is that I percieve black men as being more “Alpha” in general.  Before the white guys get too upset and disagree, let me explain.  It’s not that white guys don’t sometimes have “Alpha” characteristics or that ALL black men fit the description. It just seems, in our culture and at least, here in the U.S., that with white guys it’s something like 20% of the population versus 80% of black men.

Let’s say, for example, that I am looking for a man who is dominant in bed.  I go on a sex site and find 10 black guys and 10 white guys.  Probably 8 of the black men are going to fit that description, but only 2 of the white guys.  Since the majority of the population is white (and especially where I live now), if I just focus on the black men, I can get what I want a LOT faster and not have to filter through zillions of passive white dudes.  Plus, because there are few black men in this area, I have an even smaller group to narrow it down to.

Ever feel like you are totally overwhelmed at Walmart because there are sooo many choices to pick from, for something as basic as shampoo?  It’s like I don’t even know where to start and I don’t want to try each one to figure out if it (he) is what I am looking for.  Would be much faster to run around the corner to the place that only sells a few salon brands. 

Anyow, that might be a bad analogy because I usually do just grab a Walmart shampoo, lmao, and I like to try different ones. 😉  But hopefully, I’m making SOME sense. 

What are the traits that you associate more often with black men, that you like?

Well, we have established the more dominant part.  I think that tends to be true, both in and out of the bedroom.  Now get ready for the massive generalizations, but I find them to be mostly true in my experience.

In general, black men that I meet, are more likely to have some of the following characteristics:

Dress nicely (white European guys do this but in the U.S., white guys tend to think this is “gay”)
Take good care of their physique or are “athletic”
Meticulous hygeine
Clean freaks (I love this and you rarely come across black men that are slobs)
LIKE to talk about relationships, and sex (for some reason white guys don’t seem as interested in this a lot of times)
Less judgemental
More complimentary
Less emotionally reserved and more willing to talk about feelings
More protective
More of a gentleman in how they treat women
Less critical
More supportive, emotionally
Put more emphasis on family and ties to friends

AND…what I know you really want to know…IN the bedroom

More emotionally expressive and PASSIONATE
More appreciative of my body
More dominant and commanding
More sensual and “romantic”
Care more about my pleasure in a non-supplicating way
Less selfish
More experienced

OF COURSE-

There are plenty of lame black men out there too, but I do seem to be able to find what I am looking for more often and I do love the color contrast of dark skin on lighter skin in bed.  I’ve been with a couple of white guys that were good in bed but they didn’t open up as much.  I’ve also had a disproportionate amount of one night stands with white guys.  It’s like they are quicker to hit it and quit it or think of you as “slutty” afterwards. 

My other deal with the white guys I have come across on dating sites is that they seem to go to extremes.  It’s like they are either super passive or they go crazy with it and take “dominant” to mean rough, aggressive and MEAN, which I hate.  I once put out a Craigslist ad looking for a “freak” in the bedroom.  It was like all the black guys knew exactly what I meant but the white guys were talking about totally off the wall shit, involving all kinds of props and stuff that I would never want to do.  I don’t know, maybe that’s just part of the communication barrier I was talking about earlier.

I know some of you all are probably chomping at the bit by now, but these are just my observations, experiences and feelings.  Thoughts?

The house party goes downhill (part 2)

house-falling-down

When I left off the last blog entry, I was still at the party and had just finished experiencing a gigantic cock.  I feel a little guilty about my attitude at the time, now that he has been texting me a little bit.  He’s actually been fairly nice.  Maybe I was too hard on him. Guys don’t always want to be treated like a big piece of meat either.  In any case, he said his time with me was “phenomenal” and he wants to meet up again.  He is a nice looking guy and wasn’t awful or anything, he just seemed pretentious. 

That and I was irritated that he wouldn’t cum.  In talking with The Redhead later, she brought up that he didn’t cum with her and I said don’t feel bad, me either.  We agreed we hate it when men try to reserve that so they can keep fucking at parties or whatever, because it makes you feel like a failure.  I mean, I get the reason, because it would be hard for most of them to keep going and going and going if they didn’t, it’s just still a disappointment.  They probably don’t like it when we hold back from them either.  SHE said when he tried to put her in doggystyle she told him “no way!”  LMAO  Made me feel a little better about refusing to swallow.

Okay, so when I walked out of the bedroom with this guy, I saw The Host watching from across the room.  It was mildly awkward so I just kind of ducked into the kitchen to avoid him.  He got up and followed me.  He came over and grabbed my arm and said “come here”, practically dragging me back to his bedroom.  Only he kept going, and took me into the bathroom. 

I was like “why are we going in here?” and he said because it was more private.  The private rooms were all filled up and his room was for public play.  I couldn’t tell if he was upset or angry or what and was trying to gauge his reaction. 

He said he had to have me now, and started undoing his pants.  He told me to suck it and I had to close the toilet lid and sit on it to do so, lol.  It’s a small little 3/4 bathroom and a tight squeeze in there.  I didn’t do that for long before he pulled me up and told me to bend over.  Over the toilet, lol, I was having to grab onto the sides of it to hold on. 

He grabbed a hold of my hair, pulled me up enough to where he could talk in my ear and said “did he wear a condom?”  I said yes and he said “I don’t want you fucking anyone here without a condom but me”.  I said okay, (not like I was planning to do that anyhow) and he pulled my hair harder, starts pumping harder and says “I mean it!  Do you hear me? I want to be the only one who gets to feel your wetness”. 

Okay, anyhow, we were in there for quite awhile, in the same position, with me grabbing onto the sides of the toilet, lol.  He kept saying he needed to go and could hear people out there looking for him, but he didn’t want to.  He finally stopped (without cumming) and said “I have to go out there but I promise I’ll make love to you later when we are alone”.  What’s funny is that today he actually apologized for being “too aggressive” with me and I guess that is what he was talking about, though I wasn’t the least bit bothered by it at all.

After I left the room I was accosted by the security guy I had been flirting with.  I guess he saw I had just been in there with the Host.  He said he was finished working so we went into a private room.  He started to break out a condom and then asks me if I want him to go get his cousin first.  I said “sure” so he did.  Now I’m kind of regretting that.  I think all would have gone much better had it just been the two of us.

This was quite possibly the worst threesome I have ever had.  We started out on the bed with me sucking security guy #2’s dick, and the other guy fucking me from behind, just like the last time.  Okay, well guy #1 is behind me going at it kind of hard and at the same time guy #2 starts trying to deep throat fuck me.  This was not cool as I was gagging and on the verge of throwing up.  I had my hand on the lower half of his cock and that was the only thing keeping me from choking to death while they were both ramming me from different directions.  I wasn’t in a position where I could SAY anything so I was trying to push back with my hand and stop this and security guy number two starts saying “get your hand out of there, come on suck the whole thing, take it all” and ramming harder. 

Let me say here that this is totally NOT my thing!  I do not enjoy being gagged to death on someone’s cock or having them fuck my throat.  Hell, its hard not to choke sometimes even controlling things myself, let alone with someone ramming it in there.  Apparently there are women in the world who enjoy this sort of thing but I am not one of them!!

It got to the point where I managed to pull my mouth off of his cock.  He didn’t seem to like that and was yelling something about taking it all in but I pulled away and we switched positions, to where I was fucking HIM instead.  He put on a condom and started doing me from the back.   Only he was fucking me much harder, ramming it in a lot harder and faster and the OTHER guy starts saying the same crap this one was about taking it in my throat.  I was miserable and trying to push them both away at the same time.  They didn’t seem to get it.

Someone opened the door and let in the old guy from the last party.  Security guy #2 left the room to go grab another woman while this old guy comes up behind me and is trying to finger me from the back, while I’m still in a doggystyle position with my mouth on security guy #1.  I was showing no interest in sucking his cock anymore and he’s starting to go limp, but still pushing for me to suck it.  Meanwhile the old guy is behind me and trying to finger me from the back, which I also wasn’t enjoying.  A dick is one thing but fingers can irritate me at times and in that position and with him basically trying to fuck me with them, it was not fun.

Security guy #2 and the other woman, a skinny older black woman who has the “librarian” look with glasses and gray streaks in her hair came in.  She starts sucking his cock and he is telling her the same shit he was saying to me but she actually seems to like it.  Maybe because no one was ramming her into him from the back.  Anyhow, the old man was diverted onto fingering her and I was glad for that.  I started to get up, wanting to leave, but security guy #1 comes up behind me and wants to fuck me over the side of the bed.  He was struggling with the condom and losing his erection.

The other woman was really getting into things, really seemed to be enjoying this crap that I hated.  I had tears all down my cheeks, and was feeling awful.  I just wanted to get out of there, but I let him put it in from behind for a minute.  It felt like he went in without a condom and I finally just pulled away from him and walked over to the other side of the room to start getting dressed.  I don’t think he came. 

Maybe some of it was that it was 4 am and my drinks were starting to wear off, but I was just totally turned off and unhappy.  I guess I felt a little inadequate for not liking this stuff when the other woman seemed to think it was so great too.  I was hoping though that they would just direct their attention to her. The old guy had left and the second security guy and the other woman finished while I was getting dressed.  She was lying on the bed and said she was still cumming.  :p 

I don’t know.  I just hate that sort of thing.  To me it feels degrading and I’m not enjoying it a bit.  When I say I like dominant men, I don’t mean in that sort of way, at all.  Maybe I’m hard to please.  It’s one of the reasons I am afraid of gangbangs though.  Some guys just don’t get the difference there or what I mean when I try to tell them that.  Having a bunch of guys and a misunderstanding in that sense could really end up to be a disaster.

Gotta run, my library time is up.  More soon!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankful for my Mr. Firm!! :D

the perfect man

I hope you all had as great of a Thanksgiving as I did!  I love being able to see my family on the holidays plus was extra thankful this time to get to see Mr. Firm!  He lives 30 minutes away from where I was visiting and we were able to make it work on a whim.  He drove up shortly before he was set to leave out of state himself and got a cheap motel. 

MMMmmmm….he is SO GOOD in bed!!  He’s right up there with the Professor, maybe even better, though without the same emotional component. Skill wise he may be the closest I’ve ever had to the married man, and since he’s apparently gone, I’m VERY thankful Mr. Firm is still around!! 

I don’t mean to imply the sex isn’t emotional, because it is, I just know where the boundaries lie and it stops outside the bedroom.  He’s got a regular relationship and seems very skilled at maintaining that while still being awesome with me.  I love it.  I wish every guy could be like that.  It would make the whole open relationship thing go a lot more smoothly.

Mr. Firm has been really cool.  He’s extremely low drama and unlike other men who say they “don’t do drama” he seems to really mean it, lol.  I asked if he’s ever had trouble with that in the lifestyle and he said once with a married woman who was crossing inappropriate boundaries but that he “shut that shit down real quick”.  He says that one of the reasons he likes sleeping with married women in the swinging lifestyle is that if they get out of hand he can just tell their husband’s to come and get them.  Haha…

Anyhow, he’s been doing this for years and I am really appreciating his wisdom and advice regarding some of my recent incidents with men.  He’s very good at detecting bullshit and pointing out inconsistencies in people’s stories.  I’m sure his working at a law firm helps with that!!  LOL  Plus he doesn’t get jealous and I feel like I can trust him to be real with me, rather than just try to elbow out the other guys.

If he wasn’t already in a relationship I think I would totally fall for him.  Yet he is, and because of his attitude towards that and towards me and because he doesn’t lead me on I can respect that.  We have amazing sex and he says I fuck him just the way he needs.  I was like ” I wish it could be more often, but I’ll take what I can get ” and he said him too, but that it makes him appreciate me even more. 🙂

I’m not sure I would have been able to get rid of Mr. Motorcycle without his support.  I told him all the stuff that had happened and he sat there and pointed out each obvious lie that Mr. Motorcycle tried to confuse me with and each way he had tried to manipulate me, from promising gifts to telling me that he’d spent the whole weekend trying to tell me he was “falling in love” with me when he was called out on his repeated disappearances.  Then he claimed he was manscaping “for the first time” in the hotel.  Mr. Firm said it doesn’t take that long to manscape anyhow and I found pictures he had sent me before we even met where he was totally shaven.  Eyeroll…

Basically what Mr. Firm did was put words to all those nagging feelings and red flags I had been seeing.  He voiced that he seemed like he was trying to control me and that he’d come across men like that before and it never ends well.  I knew he was right of course but on my own have a tendency to be too nice and wait it out until someone does something really awful before cutting them off.  He predicted the way he would act afterwards correctly but kept encouraging me not to fall for any of it.  He was like you are really NICE and I love that about you but some people will take advantage of that and really try to get you to bend (which I have found to be very true). So far I’ve been holding strong and believe me Mr. Motorcycle is still trying.  He even sent me some weird picture for Thanksgiving, that looks like two dragons kissing in the shape of a heart in the sky.  WTF?

Then when this situation came up with the Referee he was totally awesome.  I told him all the facts of what happened and he helped me pick it apart.  Even better was that I got an apology letter during the time he and I were talking, from the couple that the Referee had ditched me for.  I sent it to him and he pointed out several obvious lies and differences from what the Referee had told me.  I could see a lot of them for myself but it helps to have someone else letting you know you aren’t just being a bitch!

Here is the letter, supposedly written by the female half of the couple and sent to me on the swinger site via email:

hey there sexy girl I wanted to apologize for Saturday night for me cussing at you that was inappropriate and that is not like me to do that . I was irritated with my boyfriend for getting very drunk and I was the one having to drive home and a neighborhood and an area that I am not familiar with . we did not even know that (the Referee) was going to be in town until that afternoon we were out having drinks and he met up with us we didn’t even see him until about 5 o’clock that day we were unaware of any plans that he had to meet up with you . so he was not with us Friday night or at all saturday day . so I hope you accept my apology and hopefully we can see each other again sometime . :

 

It ended with a “kiss”.  At first reading I was even a tad skeptical.  I mean, how is this woman who I never met other than her cussing me out going to start out calling me “sexy girl”?  Even more telling though was “her” comment that they did not know the Referee would be in town until 5 pm.   That’s kind of hard to claim when I have texts from him at 10:30 am saying they had invited us to stay the night at their place. 

Not to mention little things like who spends 3 hours at dinner at a restaurant?  And the Referee told me that evening all he had eaten all day was “6 pieces of shrimp”.  That’s a long ass time to be sitting there not eating food.  As Mr. Firm pointed out, it wasn’t hard to find their way around the neighborhood either.  Three adults in the car, three gps’s on their phones, and they managed to get “lost” for over an hour after the party?  Give me a break!!  I live out of town and had absolutely no trouble.  This isn’t in a confusing neighborhood, it’s right off a main road.

Also, they bring up Friday night and early Saturday.  I never asked or implied that he was with them then.  The only reason I think they might think I would care is because he told me that morning he had told them I was his “girlfriend”.  No, I was simply pissed at being stood up outside the hotel.  I was lucky I even got into the room.

Also, the Referee claimed that he and the “husband” (who I guess was a boyfriend) were together at the restaurant and that the wife didn’t show up until later.  He said that she showed up at the last minute.  The Referee also said he had ridden with this couple in their car because he didn’t want to drive his vehicle if he had been drinking.  Yet I am supposed to believe he got in a car with people who had been drinking for 3 hours prior to going to the party? 

There were just so many other little details but I don’t have time to type it all out.  The library closes in 8 minutes and my laptop is sent away to be fixed again.  In any case, I am glad to be rid of the Referee.  He is so full of shit it’s not even funny.  He had the nerve to text me a Happy Thanksgiving too and I simply ignored it.

Mr. Firm and I think most likely what happened was that the Referee was trying to help out the boyfriend of this couple, or at least pretending to, by making him think he had a chance at sleeping with ME.  So that he could get to fuck both me and the female half of this couple in one night.

The sad part is, if he’d not been such an ass he probably quite easily could have.  He could have shown up at the hotel on time, taken me to the party as planned, and after a little drinking and socializing it is very likely the female half of the couple and I would BOTH have been likely to sleep with him there, or he could have even just slept with HER while I was off having fun and gone back to the hotel with me later as planned.  Seems like he went way out of his way to make things more complicated than they should have been.