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My fantasies come true!

arrival

So remember last time, how positively SURE I was that I had found evidence that the CEO is married? I’m struggling now, with doubts. What if I was wrong?

Yes, I found a picture of him, posted shortly before we met, with his wedding ring on, the mother of his child and her family. That should be proof enough, shouldn’t it? You would think.

Only, he’s just so CONVINCING when he talks to me. Can a man really be THAT good of a liar?! This most recent rendezvous, he mentioned his “ex” (and he calls her that) several times. He even made a comment, saying “that’s why I left her”.

He also told me he’d been in China. I’d assumed he was lying because Tinder showed him as being 10 miles away during that time. Yet, when we got together again, he was COMPLAINING about having to haggle for prices when he was in China. If he’s a liar, he’s a damn good one!

What if….what if I’m completely wrong about him? What if that picture was taken previously and someone just re-posted it? Could I be convincing myself he’s a cheater because of my general mistrust of men? Maybe its easier for me to believe he is untrustworthy, than to open myself up to the possibility of getting hurt.

Perception is such a big thing. I could be making up an elaborate story in my head, because it fulfills some sort of fantasy for ME. Maybe the idea of a torrid, illicit, affair just turns me on! πŸ˜‰ Or maybe, I’m totally on the mark and just trying to make excuses for him because I like him so much. :p He DOES behave like a married man and I haven’t ever been to his place!

There is just something deliciously sexy about the idea of sleeping with a taken man. So sue me, I get wet over the naughtiness of it all! Playing the mistress role for a little bit can feel kind of… intoxicating.

Sigh…in any case our last rendezvous was absolutely DREAMY! πŸ™‚ He was doing work in a southern state and he decided to fly me to him for a hot overnight! Unfortunately, I couldn’t make arrangements to stay longer, since he notified me at the last minute, but he had said I could stay for up to a week.

I hadn’t heard from him in like 3 weeks and he just popped up out of the blue and suggested this trip. He didn’t really even ASK if I wanted to come, just stated that he was planning on flying me out on Saturday to be with him. Fortunately, I happened to have the weekend free!

He did mention that he’d been in China, and he said he’d missed me. I never know though, with him, whether I will hear from him or not. I don’t go out of my way to contact him, just wait and see what happens. Telling myself he is married at least gives me a way to make sense out of it all.Β  Meanwhile, he’s the fantasy mystery guy.

It was so exciting and I felt like a princess!! He flew me business select and I got to be practically the first person on the plane each time. I don’t know if he paid or used his companion miles but I saw what the tickets cost when he sent me the choices for when I could come and return. Two one way tickets, would have been about $700. Not that that’s probably not pocket change to HIM, lol, but it would be a big deal to me!

I love, love, love traveling, even when its just a short little jaunt to someplace new! It’s so fun for me and I don’t get to do it often. When I arrived, he took me out to a really nice seafood restaurant for dinner too! Yum!!

The discussion was interesting and he really is a fascinating man. He’s like an extreme caricature of what I would consider “masculine”. Sometimes I find his thinking to be very overly logical and black and white, but he is incredibly intelligent and it shows.

He’s also so, so, soooo incredibly masculine and dominant in the bedroom!! He’s absolutely PERFECT in the sack. WOW! I can’t get over how much he turns me on!! He’s like the perfect combination of super dominant and super giving, that I absolutely LOVE!

He’s so good that I still let him go for anal, even though it hurts like hell and we haven’t been able to do it for very long, lol. πŸ˜‰ It’s still not my favorite activity but by the time he tries it I’m usually drowning in oxytocin and wanting to give him anything and everything.

The last time (not this one) he even brought lube, and a toy! He said Trojan had been at some convention he was at and he bought this little vibrator. It was awesome!! He pulled it out and surprised me during sex, whispering in my ear that he had gotten me a little surprise. Just the tone of his voice when he said that to me STILL gives me tingles all through my pussy.

It was brand new, in the box. He ended up having to go and get a knife to open it, lol. Yet, he didn’t give it to me afterwards. I wonder what he did with it? Did he give it to his wife? Another woman? Throw it away? Hmmmm….haha

Anyway, he used it on me in multiple ways during sex and it felt sooo good. Then he lubed up my ass and used it on my clit during anal. It probably made it a little easier but it still hurt and I still bled after. We didn’t do it for very long.

This time, on our trip, we didn’t do all that, but I FINALLY got to experience HIM having an orgasm. He didn’t even cum with me the first 4 times we had sex, even after HOURS of fucking and blow jobs. I was trying to play it cool but it had me a little worried!

This time he came, after a nice long blow job and then thrusting really hard and fast while I was on my stomach. I figure maybe he was afraid to be that rough with me in the beginning. He’s super focused on getting ME off most of the time and probably needed to relax enough to be a bit selfish for a change, and get HIS.

Lest you think the sex was short this time, it wasn’t.Β  It was down to about 3 1/2 hours though, versus the 5 or 8 the last few times.Β  It was still amazing and we did have a little anal, though not for too long.Β  Did I mention how incredibly fantastic he is at going down on me?? Oh MY GOD!Β  LolΒ  So many men let that slack after a while.Β  He even licked my asshole. πŸ˜‰Β  No qualms… I love guys like that!

In any case, I was relieved! He came all over my back and down the crack of my ass. Ahhhh… sweet satisfaction! πŸ˜‰ He cuddled afterwards and was a gentleman all the way till the time he dropped me back off to go home, always opening my car door and all the little things we women love. πŸ™‚ I’m still walking on air…

On another note, I heard again from the Cohort. He texted me at the beginning of the year and said he was thinking of me. He was halfway across the country for a relative’s wedding and it said it made him appreciate me and the time he had with me.

It felt good to hear that, but like every other time he has contacted me, it ended in reliving a lot of grief and pain. It just hurts so much to know he still thinks of me and cares, but not ENOUGH.

I’m still spending a fair amount of time with Radioman. I saw him the day before I left on the plane but I never told him I went anywhere. We see each other at least once a week and often more.

Its funny, sometimes he says things like how he misses having a woman at home, someone to cook for him, to be there to share his day with, to be part of his everyday life. I’m not sure if he’s hinting about that with ME, or not? I like him a lot but I just don’t know if I could go there. There are so many things, like his love of gambling and the way he’s like most men and would not want ME with anyone else, but might end up there himself!

Still, I really do enjoy him and the sex is good. We’ve seen a little more of each other lately because he got my employer to agree to a collaboration with the radio station for the next couple of months. It’s been fun seeing him in a professional setting, as well as in his bed. πŸ˜‰

Most of the others have fallen by the wayside, at least for the time being. I’m okay with that, especially since its been cold and wintery and I feel more like cuddling in than going out on new dates or with new men. Hope 2016 is going well for all of you!!

Am I dreaming??

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Somebody pinch me, this man is just unreal!! I’m completely bowled over by the CEO. Maybe I should have called him “Mr. Incredible”, lol. Seriously….Cohort who? Haha Okay, so there are still some residual feelings there, but it is definitely helping me to get past it.

I’m kind of afraid of how hard I’m starting to fall. I really don’t even know what he wants with me. Is he looking for a relationship? Just sex? It’s hard to tell. On one hand maybe its best to assume he just wants sex, so as not to get my hopes up for anything else, but then I don’t want to act like that’s all I want if he wants more. He did wait 4 dates to try anything on me! Not sure what’s up with that!!

In any case, he’s been like, PERFECT so far!! Our last get together was very recent, when he swung back into town for a couple of days. He acted super excited to see me and we had marathon level, EIGHT HOURS LONG sex! Lol

It was through the roof, off the chain, eight hours of complete BLISS!! Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to think straight! πŸ˜‰ Then when I told him I’d never had sex for THAT long straight, he said “that’s nothing, we could have kept going!!” Wow….

I’m honestly not sure if I could have kept going! Near the end I gave him an HOUR long blow job and my jaw was pretty sore. He never came though and I finally just gave up! I think he would have liked for me to keep going but I was starting to feel frustrated. He did make a comment afterwards that no other woman has ever even gotten him close to cumming with a bj and that I got him to the brink several times. I guess that’s a positive.

He actually never came at all, though he was hard for pretty much the entire time. It’s hard not to feel like a bit of a failure if a guy doesn’t cum but he made me feel so good otherwise that I’m not too bothered by it. I suspect he’s one of those men that focuses so much on his performance and making ME feel good that he doesn’t really relax enough to get there. Or maybe it’s a control thing- his personality overall is very much “in control” and he is the same way in bed. Anyway, hopefully he will eventually.

He definitely made ME cum a bazillion times! He gives incredible oral and is amazing with his dick. And yes….we had anal again. This time it was a little more painful. Still no lube and it was hard for me to take for very long. I tried though and he called me a “trooper” for it. :p

He’s gone again, out of town, but is keeping in touch. Its funny, a couple days after our encounter I happened to check OKCupid and saw that he had emailed me, over a month ago (that’s how often I read my emails on there, lol- and my mailbox is eternally full). It was during the time when we had lost touch because of Tinder failing to work and he had hit me up on OKCupid, saying “hey stranger!! I’ve been looking for you!!”

It’s kind of amusing to me that I was inadvertently playing hard to get with him. Maybe that played a part in his surprising amount of interest in me! I say surprising, because if I’ve ever felt a man was out of my league, it’s this one! Yet he acts like he really likes me and I’m kind of taken aback.

It’s like what would this guy that’s a super successful millionaire want with a poor single mom like me? Not that he knows all my financial woes, but he saw my old minivan, lol. I wanted to crawl through the floor!

He never acts like he thinks he is better than me and he’s actually been very nice. He’s been super patient when I’ve had to show up hours later than expected, saying its no big deal. Yet I can tell that in his work he is brutal. He has no problem putting people out of their jobs if they don’t do things exactly the way he wants. I made a comment about that and he just laughed and said “honey you have no idea”.

I’m not sure what he is like underneath it all and I’m still trying to figure it out. I love that he emailed me on OKCupid because I had a chance to go over and see his answers to some of the questions on there. We were an 85% match. I saw that he is okay with open relationships and that he doesn’t seem bothered by women who have had a lot of sex. That’s a good start anyway!

We were polar opposite on some things, but most of them dealt more with male/female differences. Like he is your extremely masculine, logical type thinker and I’m the super emotional feminine opposite of him. He also took a test that put him as an ESTJ on the Meyers Briggs Scale and I am an ENFP.

Oh, and he is a Capricorn- first time I’ve ever knowingly slept with one of those, lol. I think I just completed fucking someone from every sign of the zodiac, haha. I am a Virgo and we are supposed to be a good match, though I’m not sure how much I’d actually read into that. πŸ˜‰

I’m just waiting to find out his flaws. So far they seem few and far between. Maybe he’s a bit coldhearted on the job and kind of controlling but that hasn’t seemed to carry over to me, at least not yet. I’m having a hard time with the idea that he could be living a double life or married and lying about it because he just seems so blunt and honest that its hard to picture. I guess time will tell.

Enough about him though, I have to tell you a funny story about Radioman. The other day I went over to his place, kind of late at night. He had left the door unlocked for me and I walked upstairs to his bedroom, where he was sitting in the dark.

He grabbed me by the arm and hissed, “Come here! You have to see this!!” He handed me a a pair of binoculars and pointed across the street at his neighbors window. The light was on, the curtains were open and two people were clearly fucking. Radioman said “he’s been jackhammering her for a good 15 minutes!” He was all excited about it and like “I KNEW my neighbor was a freak!” He even pulled out a SCOPE so the both of us could see at the same time.

It was like something out of the movies, haha. Men really do this?! The woman was white and the man looked to maybe be hispanic. Radioman said he’d suspected she liked men of color. He’s clearly obsessed, lol.

He also commented about what a nosy neighbor she is. He’s clearly oblivious to the irony of that statement! Haha It cracked me up though!

He told me that later on he talked with her and she mentioned being drunk that night. She didn’t seem to suspect that he’d seen anything. Maybe that’s why the curtains were open but sheesh… that’s almost inviting people to look! The bar she had been at is also popular with some of the swingers in this area, or so I’ve heard (its right down the road from where Radioman lives). I didn’t say anything about that though.

They eventually turned off the light and we got to our own activities. πŸ˜‰ Radioman is still pretty fun but he’s starting to get possessive. He told me he doesn’t want me having sex with anyone else. Only, he said “we don’t have to be boyfriend or girlfriend or anything and if you want to bring other women over that is fine”. I’m so not agreeing to that. Typical.

Oh, and another update- remember the man I fucked after the funeral? A couple times we halfheartedly texted each other and talked of maybe meeting, but it never went anywhere. Then, all of a sudden I see that he is “in a relationship” with a girl I also reconnected with at that funeral! Lol They are like constantly posting pictures together on Facebook and saying how in love and happy they are! That was fast, but I’m not mad. πŸ˜‰

I also got hit up by the Producer, a few days before his wedding, on the swinger site. I couldn’t respond, but I have no doubt that he plans on cheating. He told me before that the new woman is not open to swinging. Why am I not surprised?

An anal adventure…..

borisk

So many interesting stories to tell, but time to write in my blog has been eluding me. Life has kept me extremely busy lately. Some of it has been working my new job, which I really am enjoying, but I have also been having some play time! Just wait till you hear about my most recent sexscapade!! πŸ™‚

FINALLY, after months of failure to sign in, Tinder started working again on my phone! Yay!! Of course, one of the first people to pop up on my screen was the Cohort. 😦 Reading his profile was excruciatingly painful but I managed to make myself swipe no and move on. We haven’t spoken in over six weeks or seen each other in months and I’m still struggling to get past it and him. Not that its kept me from dating or having sex, but my heart hasn’t been in it.

So of course, right away I went and responded to the poor guy that I left hanging after a wonderful date because the app stopped working! He was happy to hear I hadn’t gotten married and disappeared while he was off on business trips and quickly invited me out again. I still liked him, even though he talked A LOT and only hugged me at the end of the first three dates.

I actually complained to Mr. Firm that I was getting impatient, like, why isn’t this guy trying to fuck me yet?? Lol I was like he’s hot, he’s wealthy, he’s a former college football player, I know he can’t be that shy about making a move! He even made comments about how Tinder was a hook up site, yet, he didn’t seem to be trying to hook up!

I was getting a little frustrated, though it wasn’t like I wasn’t having sex. I’ve been with the Boring guy and Radioman a fair amount of times lately. Radioman has been pretty good in bed too… Sometimes he surprises me with a little kinkiness and he’s done stuff like spank me over his knee (blushing). I saw Chicago once more, and it still just didn’t do it for me. More recently, I got to see Mr. Firm, which was super hot as usual!! I hadn’t seen him in ages and he definitely still wows me in the bedroom! Then there was this new guy that is barely worth a mention, except for he took me to some really expensive restaurants. We did finally have sex but it kind of sucked and I hated the way he kissed. Oh, and the Pilot, he met me one day at work and we snuck away for a quickie (terrible I know) in an empty parking lot. It was fun but that was after I finally slept with this new guy.

I will call him The CEO. He is a big deal boss at his job and flies all over the place. A comment he made after we had sex, makes me pretty sure he is a millionaire. Not really surprising given where he lives and the company that he works for. I did a quick bit of research after that and some of his co-workers are making 7-8 million a year. He’s actually pretty down to earth though and not really flashy about it.

He’s almost too good to be true, good looking with pretty hazel eyes, built like a brick house, quite the gentleman, remembers to text, plans ahead and calls me beautiful…which makes me wonder if he’s hiding a wife somewhere. I guess you can never be sure, but he claims he’s not. We did have our first encounter at a hotel because he said his sister was babysitting his child at his place.

Suspect? Lol Maybe, though who knows, he could be for real. He says women always think that he is married or sleeping around because he travels a lot, but that he is not and doesn’t have all the time to be sleeping around that they think because he is working so much.

That is what he says, though after sex with him, I’m going to say I understand why they think that!! That, and who are all these women that are saying this stuff if he’s not getting around?? LMAO Not that I really care… πŸ˜‰ He’s away on business trips all the time, out of sight, out of mind. πŸ™‚

So, our first night together, he invited me back to a hotel room he had rented for the sole purpose of our “date”. It was a very nice hotel, almost more like a condo. It had a living room with couches and a fireplace, a full kitchen, plus a separate bedroom. He poured us glasses of a delicious wine and we talked and hung out for a good long time before he made any moves whatsoever. I was still wondering if it might not happen.

Finally, he asked if I wanted a massage. Wow, a man who actually gives massages! So many promise or allude to it and never do! He was very good with his hands too, massaging my shoulders and back. Then he wanted me to straddle his lap for a kiss. I was starting to worry that he was going to want to be dominated, lol. He had made this comment on a previous date, asking about when I was going to make a move on him and that had kind of put me off. Like ugh, ME make a move on HIM? No thanks…

Anyhow, I obliged and did as he asked. His kisses were nice and he soon suggested a move to the bedroom.

In there, he turned into a BEAST. I kid you not, I was completely floored by the change in demeanor once the clothes came off! They came off quickly too, lol. He was complaining that I had too many on at first (it was a little chilly and I was wearing leggings under a skirt). He practically ripped my leggings and panties off before grabbing my legs and yanking me across the bed so he could attack my pussy with his tongue. He was gooood at that too!!

He licked and fingered me into ecstasy before telling me to take off the rest of my clothes and stripping off his own. I was all to happy to do as he asked and the minute he got on top of me the worries of him wanting a dominatrix were gone, lol. He was definitely the one in control and he was very good at what he was doing too!!

He had me in all kinds of positions and every one of them felt amazing! He was very dominant but very sweet and affectionate too, jusssst the way I like it! I couldn’t get enough of him! We kept going for hours and I gave him some really long blowjobs in there too, but he never did cum. Ah well, maybe next time… I could tell he was really enjoying himself and he was rock hard, but it didn’t happen.

The most surprising part though, was when he had me lying on my stomach on the bed, near the end. He had gone close to my asshole a few times, like he was thinking about anal and I’d kind of tensed up and let him know nonverbally that I didn’t really want to. He laughed it off and just went back to regular fucking.

This time though, after hours of great sex, I guess my reserve was worn down a little bit. It was so good I probably would have done anything he wanted at that point anyway. He got near there and I again flinched. He was holding my wrists and had me pinned on my stomach on the edge of the bed. This time he didn’t move away but started putting a lot of pressure on my ass with his dick, not actually going in. I tensed up, but didn’t say anything and he started kissing my neck and whispering in my ear until I relaxed. The very moment my body let go of control, he pushed his dick up my ass. I let out a gasp but I didn’t try to stop him.

There was no lube used or anything like that, but surprisingly it didn’t hurt. Granted everything was super wet down there already. He kept still like that for awhile and me pinned under him where I couldn’t wriggle away, letting me get used to the feel before he started to move. He was gentle at first, kissing my neck and he asked if I was okay a couple of times due to the whimpering but he didn’t stop and was fucking me progressively harder as time went on.

Like I said, he never came but he eventually let me up and was very affectionate afterwards. It was like 5 o’clock in the morning before I finally got up to go home and we never slept.

Its hard to describe how it made me feel. In a way it almost felt like he took my virginity. Only, I’ve had some anal experiences before but they didn’t last more than a few seconds and each of those was painful. This was different. I wouldn’t say I’d go out of my way to do it again, but I’m not entirely opposed to it either. I was a little sore the next day. My arms had bruises on them from where he was gripping me too.

The sex, and I’m not sure how much the anal affected it, overall, made me feel completely different about him than I did prior to sleeping together. During, and right after, I felt super submissive towards him. I was flooded with all those “in love” type chemicals and it even made me feel for awhile like I was over the Cohort. For days afterwards I was in a bit of a haze. I think I am finally past that part, but he is on a business trip and we have plans to meet up again soon. I’m going to have to be careful with this one!

Took a trip, and am I tripping?

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I haven’t even had a chance to tell you all about another man in my life! We will call him Chicago. He lives here in my city half the time, but travels back and forth to his home in Chicago every couple of weeks. He works from home doing some kind of computer engineering, but prefers living there, to here (where his child is) so he has condos in both places.

Actually, he recently flew ME to Chicago to stay with him for a weekend! He wined and dined me and took me to my first comedy show- to see Cedric the Entertainer. It was an exciting weekend for me, with getting to travel and experience new things. His condo has a beautiful view of Lake Michigan and he took me to a delicious steak house, where he dropped well over $200 for dinner.

Here’s the view of Lake Michigan from his condo:
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And my lovely bubbling drink at the steak house:

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I’d had some car troubles, thanks to my teenager (long story), so Chicago covered rental vehicles for me to take my kids to their dads, and also paid for my gas. His brother drove me to the airport. Obviously, this guy is doing alright financially. πŸ˜‰

Actually, he’s been probably more of a Sugar Daddy than any of the others, buying and giving me things here and there. He gave me a brand new printer for my computer and bought me a shawl so I wouldn’t need to borrow his jacket when we go out. He’s taken me out for lots of dinners at nice restaurants and to the movies several times.

Sounds fabulous right? Well, not quite. I’m really, just not feeling this guy. I just can’t bring myself to LIKE him that much. I’m trying, really I am, but it’s just not there.

He’s obviously doting on me, and being a nice person. He claims to like me a lot. Yet, some things just really bug me. I’ve finally figured out that he reminds me of my ex husband.

He reminds me of him in SEVERAL ways. One, is how he acts in the bedroom. We just can’t seem to have good sex. There is like, NO chemistry. He’s doing some of the same things that other guys do, at least trying to be good, but it’s just not working for me! It’s so weird.

One of the things that bothers me, is that he just doesn’t seem to be able to, or maybe he’s just not interested in, reading my body language. If I don’t like something, and try to make it clear, he just keeps trying to do the same damn thing!

Like he has an obsession with trying to lick my nipples. Sometimes I like that, but not the way he does it. He will lunge toward my nipples with his tongue flicking out and I am like cringing. I’ll kind of push him away and he comes back again in full force. So I actually covered my nipples with my hands and he tried to pull them off! I wouldn’t let him so he’s laughing about it, what you don’t like that? I said they feel sensitive and now he harrasses me about it, major turnoff. He is constantly trying to do what I have made clear I wasn’t feeling.

What’s crazy is that my ex husband would try to do that very same thing and act the very same way about it- annoyed with ME for not enjoying something. Get over it already and quit trying to do something I’m obviously not liking! Sheesh!

That’s just one example. The rest of the sex just isn’t working well either. I just don’t like it.

I’m sure some of it, is that he’s just NOT the Cohort. I’m emotionally attached and it makes it hard for me to be with someone new. I only started seeing this guy after the last miscarriage, when I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with he and I.

Still, it’s not just the bedroom where he’s acting insensitive. He doesn’t seem to pay any attention to the things I SAY to him. It’s like he cuts me off or changes the subject or just says “uh-huh” like I’m not saying anything interesting. It’s very upsetting to me to not feel heard when I am talking. That too, is very much like my ex, who brushed off anything I wanted to talk about (outside of the Bible or politics) as unimportant.

He also has a tendency to over-explain things to me, like he thinks I am an idiot or something. It makes me feel like a child. He took me to a park the other day (and to eat afterwards) and insisted on looking up the history of the park on his phone and reading to me about how it was donated by some woman whose husband owned a biscuit factory, like he was giving me a lesson. TOTALLY like my ex husband, who was always lecturing about something.

He actually wanted to talk about scripture on our last date. Uggggghhh… he said because it was something “different” than what most people talk about and he thought it would be a nice change of pace. I spent 15 years talking about the Bible. I didn’t want to be rude but I really didn’t feel like elaborating on my thoughts about various passages of scripture. It felt torturous.

He wants to hold hands, and be “romantic” all the time but it makes my skin crawl. I feel guilty, but I can’t help it! It’s frustrating.

Anyway, when we got back to his place, I decided to play a little game, just to test and see if he actually does listen to anything I say. I asked him some questions about myself to see if he knew the answers to any of them, all things I had told him before. I was like what color are my eyes? He said “blue” (we were in candlelight and my eyes are green). I asked how many siblings do I have, where did I go to high school, what did I major in in college? He got them ALL wrong. Then I let him ask me stuff and I got every single answer RIGHT. Because I actually freaking LISTEN when someone is talking to me!

It bothers me so much, that I don’t know if I can stand it much longer, even with all the perks. His birthday is coming up soon and he has decided he wants me to make him a picnic with wine and grapes and strawberries that we feed each other on a blanket outside, and then I give him backrubs. It sounds kind of like Hell on earth. Not sure how to get out of it without being rude though.

I guess all this kind of explains why my trip to Chicago, while fun in some ways, just wasn’t what it was cracked up to be. The whole time I was really missing the Cohort and wishing he was the one with me. We would have had SO much fun, doing those exact same things together. Heck, I can have a blast with the Cohort at the grocery store! Lol

Chicago took me to the store with him the other day and I was miserable. He took like an hour to buy stuff and it was soooo boring. It reminded me of being a kid and getting dragged along on errands with old people. Bleah.

I was positively aching for the Cohort the whole time I was away in Chicago. He didn’t even know I was gone (it was two days, one night) but I missed him something awful. Then he called, right as I was boarding the plane. I told him where I was and actually ended up getting MAD at him for no reason. I think it was just all that pent up resentment that I was spending my time with someone else, when he was who I’d rather be sharing all this with. At that time we were trying not to have sex with each other.

We couldn’t talk after the plane took off, so I stewed on my thoughts for awhile and finally figured out that was what it was. So I told him the truth and said I missed you and the whole time I was here I wanted to be with you. Being with this guy was mostly meant to take my mind OFF of him, but it hasn’t been working very well.

A reluctant gangbang

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Tonight, I had a sort of gangbang. It was only 3 guys, so I don’t know that it officially “counts” but whatever. I’m also not feeling that great about it. It wasn’t what I set out to do. I should have known better.

My thing about gangbangs, is that its so easy to get pressured into fucking guys that I really don’t want, once I’m already there and naked. That’s kind of what happened tonight. I wanted to fuck one of the guys. The other ones, not so much.

Anyhow, the original PLAN, was supposedly for me to just meet up with ONE person, the Host’s cousin, from my stories Meeting Cousin #3 and Keeping it in the Family. He’s been hitting me up here and there for a bit, but I hadn’t made the time to see him. Tonight, I was like, what the Hell, it sounds kind of fun.

He texted me his address, which is about 15 minutes away, offhandedly mentioning that he has a woman but she wasn’t there. I later found out he is married and she was at work. Married ladies- do you know where your husbands are at while you are working? Probably gangbanging some girl in the guest room with all his buddies and family members. They’ll never say a word. :p

This is why, I would have a nearly impossible time trusting any man who told me he would never cheat. I’ve seen WAY too much of this stuff from the other end, from the time I was young. In fact, these guys remind me of a family I knew growing up, I think I’ve mentioned that.

Better, to just assume they are going to cheat, and that eventually I will too. So, stop worrying about it and just agree to do your own thing. That’s the angle I’m coming from now, anyhow.

To add to the semi nostalgic feeling, he told me he and his “partner” were over there “slappin bones”. Seems like that’s all the old black men in my neighborhood ever did when I was younger. Sit on their porch and drink beer and play dominoes, lol.

His neighborhood was very similar to the Married Man’s, and not too far away from him actually. He too, lives in an older, restored, mansion, in a place that is scattered with a combination of fixed up homes and total slums. He asked, when I arrived, if I was scared of the area and I was like, no, lol. It would take a lot for me to be afraid of a neighborhood.

He had me come in through the garage and backyard, where I was greeted at the back door by a giant pitbull. He was like “are you scared of dogs”? No, not that either. πŸ˜‰

He fixed me up a paper plate with homemade lasagna. I asked and he said it was made by his wife. Nice. I’m sure she would really appreciate him feeding their guest. It was good though, along with a cold can of Hawaiian Fruit Punch.

His brother in law was there (his sister’s husband) and a baby nephew, who was cute and maybe 18 months old. He introduced me and we sat on the couch to eat and watch an episode of a show that is similar to Cheaters. Fitting.

Then he took me downstairs to show off his basement. Wow!! A GIGANTIC screen TV and lots of movies and gaming stuff, alongside a bunch of really nice leather couches and a massage chair. There was basically a whole gym down there with various excercise equipment that he claims he never uses. He had to show me the bathroom that had only urinals. This was definitely the “man cave”. It’s also where he had his table set up with dominoes. He had to point out the painting of a naked woman at the entrance when you go down the steps. He said that’s so you can walk by and “slap that ass”.

Upstairs was much like the Married Man’s house. It was decorated with lots of artsy paintings and antique looking items, as well as family photos. I didn’t get a chance to look close up, but I could see that his wife was black. We didn’t go to the top floor but he said the entire thing is the master bedroom and bath. He had an office and a room for his 21 year old, who is moved out of the house, as well as a guest room.

He said normally on Wednesday nights the guys come over to play dominoes and that he was in the process of telling them not to show up. Yeahhhh sure…. A guy shows up at the door. He was a bigger guy, though he wore his weight well and had an attractive face. They’ve known each other since 4th grade. He introduced me and mentioned he had 5 kids, as well as a nephew that he takes care of. The brother in law left and he gave the baby kisses goodbye, tossing him up in the air.

Once they were gone, he pulled me over to him on the couch and pulled his dick out. He gently took a hold of my hair and pulled me down to suck on it, while the other guy sat on the other end of the couch. After a few minutes he told me to follow him up to the guest room.

In there he wanted me to suck his dick more, kneeling while he sat in a chair. He pulled off my shirt and bra. Then he told me to go call the other guy and tell him to come watch me. He said he wanted to see what he would do. I laughed and wouldn’t do it.

He was persistent. He kept telling me to go call the guy. I shook my head no. He pulled my hair and got more insistent (not mean, just demanding). He said he wanted him to watch, that he likes to share with his friends. As he later told me, its only his good friends and cousins, he says it’s like sharing a good piece of chocolate, you only want to give it to people you know and like.

I finally aquiesced. What the hell. I guessed I’d be fucking him too.

I walked out of the bedroom in a pair of shorts and no shirt or bra and asked the guy to come upstairs. He willingly followed (ha). The Cousin wasn’t satisfied with me just inviting him in there. He wanted me to say “come watch me suck his dick”.

I wasn’t cooperating. I basically kept laughing it off. He held my face and turned it towards the other guy and said “say it, don’t be shy” and I shook my head. He kept at it, until I said what he asked me to. Then he had me suck his dick some more and was demanding that I look the BOTH of them in the eyes while doing so. The other guy, at this point, was lying on the floor next to me and the chair that the Cousin was sitting in.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see him stand up and start to unbutton his pants behind me. The Cousin pulled me off of him and turned my head towards the other guys dick, telling me to suck him too. I went ahead and did what he asked, though I wasn’t that thrilled about the second guy. He was alright.

The Cousin wanted me to get on the bed and suck HIS dick again while the other guy fucked me from behind. He wore a condom (everyone did) and was having trouble performing/getting it up. It wasn’t really that exciting but the Cousin was hard as a rock and I still wanted to fuck him again. More so than the guy behind me.

When he finally did start to fuck me it was 10 times better and I’m sure my reaction showed that. He’s a little rough but good nevertheless. He kept fucking me, much longer and harder than the guy before. He pinned me down with my legs up over my head and wouldn’t let me move even when it was hurting me a bit.

He wanted the other guy to put his dick in my mouth again but he didn’t. He was getting dressed to leave and go back home to his family, I guess. As he was getting ready to leave a car pulled up in front of the house and they could see out the window. They were trying to figure out who it was (supposedly).

Yeah, it was guy #3, someone I have fucked before, twice. Another one of the Host’s cousin’s. I wasn’t really keen on fucking him again, especially since the last time he and his other cousin had gotten too rough with me and tried to choke me on their dicks. I said I’d have to go soon and the Cousin promised to finish up fast before the other guy came up to the room.

But he didn’t. He kept going and going. It was pretty good actually but I wasn’t trying to fuck the other cousin. He came in the room and said “oh hi, its Lovergirl right?”. Yeah.. he took off his clothes and got on the bed. They wanted me to suck his dick while the Cousin fucked me from behind.

So I did. For what seemed like a very long time. My hair was a matted mess and it was hard to give a good blowjob while the other dude was pounding me, lol. I did what I could though. This cousin was also having erection issues. Maybe he really didn’t want to fuck me either, or could sense that I wasn’t that into him, IDK.

He came on my face once but played it off like he hadn’t. The guy behind me was bossing me around and telling me to suck his dick so I think he didn’t want to let him know. So I had to suck his limp, already came, dick, back up again while I was being slammed from behind. It took a while.

He started getting a bit impatient with the Cousin, who was fucking me this way and that. Like, come on man, give me a turn. He did but it didn’t last long, he had already cum and was still struggling with his erection.

The Cousin got up and went in the other room to take a phone call, wanting me to suck this guy’s dick, but I started getting dressed. He apologized, saying he’d worked several 12 hour days and was tired. Yeah, whatever.

We made small talk and I was half dressed to go home when the Cousin showed up again. He was like wait! I’m not done with you yet! I haven’t even busted a nut! He shook his head at the other guy leaving and started to take my clothes back off, promising he’d be done in “5 minutes”.

For the next half hour plus, we kept fucking. It was pretty good and he likes to talk a lot (which I like) but I wouldn’t promise to see him again when he kept asking. Then he started getting all obsessed with wanting to fuck my ass.

He was holding my legs over my head, saying look at that asshole, look at that perfect heart shape, just let me “kiss” it with my dick…just put in the tip. I kept saying no, so he’d stick a finger in there and try to lube it up with spit, while playing with my clit.

He promised he wouldn’t do it this time but said next time for sure he is getting that ass. Uh…yeah, there goes another reason not to go back, lol. In fact, I still hurt a bit from his FINGER. Ugh…

When it was over he asked me to choose “in your throat or on your face?” I said on my face and he covered me like a glazed donut. He got a washcloth for me to wipe it off and walked me back down to the kitchen for a can of pop, after we got dressed. He walked me to my vehicle and hugged me goodbye, saying he definitely wants to see me again. I’m thinking probably not…

It’s raining men! :D

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Wow, so much going on lately it is getting hard to keep up with my blog! Nevertheless, I am determined to keep you all up to date. Life in Lovergirl Land has been pretty interesting.

I’ll start with my latest adventures with the Cohort. He has been a lot of fun to hang out with. This guy keeps me laughing and laughing when I am with him. Last night we went out to a couple of vanilla bars together with some of his non-lifestyle friends and had a great time, as well as a night full of good sex and conversation.

He’s very emotionally honest and tells me what he is thinking and feeling. I’m really liking that a lot. It was especially helpful when we went to our first swinger party together.

I was on my period and we decided beforehand that the most I would do, would be give blowjobs, to him or anyone else. The party was small, only about 30 people, and I didn’t end up playing with anyone other than him, but it wasn’t because of him trying to hold me back. He says he is going to try to make a point not to do that, even though sometimes he wonders how it would make him feel to watch me have sex with someone else.

At the party, there was a woman that he sometimes plays with, who is married. They started out playing with her husband around, but she has snuck over to his place to play over her lunch break and that makes him feel a little guilty. She sucked his dick at the party, as did I, but it wasn’t to completion. No one has ever made him cum with a blow job anyhow, but he says that knowing I was there and unable to play, made him feel a little awkward too.

It honestly didn’t bother ME at all and I don’t think would have if he fucked her there. Of course he had no way of knowing that for sure, but I was okay. I felt bad that I was on my period and unable to fuck him there that night, so may have even liked to see him be able to get off.

The only thing that irked me that night, was the Host. He was at the party, with another woman, and never even bothered to say hi. I only saw her from across the room, but she didn’t look all that cute or anything. He later claimed I had my back turned and he thought I was ignoring HIM. I’m not really buying that, but whatever.

Its hard to say what his actual reasons were. I guess it could have been anything, from jealousy over the Cohort, to just being an asshole. He has since texted me, and I didn’t even respond. I don’t hate him or anything but wonder if I should drop him off my list of current men.

It’s just offensive that he didn’t say hi. It’s not like the two of us don’t know each other, and I don’t think he’s embarrassed of me. I mean he had me helping him host his parties! Now I hear the Redhead is doing that instead. She’s also been super buddy-buddy with the old guy and his wife that I wasn’t wanting to fuck. Good for her, I’m just not attracted.

He still wants to fuck me, and hits me up over text, but I’m not trying to be fuck buddies with someone who doesn’t give me basic acknowledgement in public. It would be different if he were married or something, but he’s not. I don’t know. It’s still up in the air because I do like the sex and he is conveniently close, but I don’t want to have to stoop down low to do it.

Speaking of the Redhead, she told me a crazy story. This guy, who had been texting me for a little bit, and with whom she used to have a couples profile with, made threats to her, and she had to get a restraining order against him and have him thrown in jail for a short time. He’s the one that was sending me countless needy texts, that I had to ask to quit bothering me. Yay, for my stalker sense going into high gear, and Mr. Firm advising me to drop him like a hot potato! πŸ˜‰

Okay, now speaking of THIS guy (the Psycho Stalker), the Pilot and I met with HIS brother, and his brother’s wife the other day. We were thinking couple swap, but the Pilot said he didn’t want to have any expectations.

They are a cute couple, in their mid twenties, good looking and we had a good time, but nobody got naked. Well, that’s not entirely true. The Pilot and I fucked in the bathroom of their apartment and then again in the parking lot, but they didn’t join in the fun.

We spent our time playing parlour games, drinking and chatting, and once the guy offered me a molly. I declined…I’ve never done those and don’t want to. Now that I’m a mom I pretty much avoid doing any drugs and stick to a few glasses of alcohol. I’m not judging those that do and back in the day I smoked my share of pot, plus tried a few other things, just now I don’t mess with it.

After we left the guy was texting “why did you two leave, my wife and I wanted to play with you guys”. :p I wasn’t really that surprised, but it was annoying that no one made the first move. It IS kind of awkward when there are two couples, because then who is supposed to do it? If one of the men starts going after the female half of the other couple, it runs a risk of someone getting upset. So I do kind of understand. Yet, neither she nor I, is the type to get aggressive with a guy and start things off.

The Pilot was kissing on ME, pulling me onto his lap and obviously showing interest in SOMETHING going on (plus they had to know we were fucking in the bathroom) but the other guy and his wife weren’t touching each other. So that made it less likely too. Like if they had been making out as well, maybe somehow we could have gotten things going.

Mr. Firm says in those types of scenarios, he just starts getting naked, lol. He’s so awesome. πŸ™‚ I saw him the other day too and WOW!!!! THE SEX, OMFG, it is BEYOND amazing!! I don’t even know how it’s possible, but it seemed even better than before!!

He’s at that scary level, like the kind that Alexyss Tylor warns about in her Penis Power videos, that I talked about before. I’d better watch out! LOL πŸ˜‰ That man could have me acting all kinds of a fool, if he wanted to.

Even one time, during the sex, he had me bent over on my hands and knees, and was making me cum from fucking me doggystyle, as well as with his hand rubbing on my clit. I was so overloaded with pleasure, I was about to tap out, and he kinda laughed and said “you don’t even know what to do, do you?” Yeeahhh…. He knows!! πŸ˜‰

Thankfully, he seems to be a man that can be trusted with all that power. I’m so impressed with him as a person and with how he treats me, and responds to me. I haven’t got a single negative thing to say. If I’m going to lose control with anyone, I want it to be him. πŸ˜‰

Now for the Poly guy. The plot thickens. I swear he has got to be married!

He had me meet him the other day, at lunch time, so he could give me one of his employee gas cards to drive my kids to their dads house. Guess where we met? At the girlfriends place again. Only this time she wasn’t there.

I asked him about it and he said he owns 5 rental houses. She lives in one of them and he stays there “some of the time”. He said he likes his privacy so he doesn’t always.

One seemingly random thing that stands out to me about some of these men is that they all seem to have rental houses! Mr. Firm, the Pilot, the Married Man and Mr. Poly, all have rental properties. Guys that have rental properties are probably fucking like crazy. Now I have to wonder if they are all fucking IN the rental homes…. πŸ˜‰

In her house he has a playroom. Its an extra bedroom with its own lock and key (the house has 5 bedrooms). According to him they are planning on putting in cameras, so she can watch him fuck women from the other room, if she wants to, and also record if the people agree to it. They have toys and restraints and stuff in there too, he said, though I didn’t see any of it.

He said that other women have to “earn” the right to be in her bedroom with them, like I was the other night, but that he knew she liked me, so he brought me in. Uhhh..if you say so, but seriously, don’t I just feel soooo special “earning” the special right to play in their bedroom? Pssshhh…

While she is gone he has agreed only to fuck women in the playroom. They have all these “rules” and honestly to me, it is an annoyance. Maybe if he wasn’t flat out telling me, but it doesn’t make me feel all that great. Its almost like “know your place, you are just a secondary” and that is kind of offensive.

Oh, and he keeps planning these big nights out over the weekend, then cancels. Married man kind of flakiness, I’m telling you. That and he often doesn’t answer a text in the evenings but he’s hounding me during the day and spending money on me. Hmmmmm….

In any case, it left me free to have a fun night with the Cohort, followed by breakfast at the IHOP in the morning. We stayed up all night long and barely got any sleep. Good times, and he was killing me pointing out the folks who looked like they were doing the walk of shame there, haha.

Thank God I was able to get a shower in the morning. I’m exhausted though and supposed to meet with the guy who took me out to the art walk a few weeks ago. He is grilling steaks for us this afternoon. Ta- ta for now!

They’re baaacck!! ;)

he's back

Well, I am moved to the big city!! So far, so good, and I am happy here. It’s like night and day from where I was living before. A few things suck, like the maintenance issues I have been dealing with regarding my new place, and the fact that it’s like two more weeks before they will hook up my internet. However, all that should only be temporary. If you are reading this, its because I managed to use my phone as a hot spot long enough to post, lol. πŸ˜‰

In the men department, of course, many things have changed. I kind of left a few guys in the dust when I bailed town. Some of them weren’t too happy about it. Others, I’m not as sure. I’ve been having some issues with my phone not recieving texts, which may have made my departure seem even colder than it was meant to be.

I debated and debated with myself about contacting the married man when I moved up here. I didn’t want to be the one to cause him to stumble, but it was sooo tempting to want to text and be like “hey neighbor” to let him know I was in town and close by. Turns out I didn’t have to. πŸ˜‰ HE contacted ME, out of the blue, the Friday before I was set to move!!

His text read “come to *the City* this weekend and let me make it up to you”. When I told him I was MOVING up that weekend he was in shock, lol, and totally excited! He said “you just made my day”. πŸ˜‰ He was profusely apologetic for what happened the last time, when we didn’t have sex due to his guilt, and said that things aren’t what “he thought” at home. Whatever that means…. I didn’t ask.

After he found out about my move, he started in with some demands. He said now that I am coming his way I need to know that he doesn’t like to share with other men. According to him, he planned to have me so “touched out” I wouldn’t need anyone else anyway. Then he started getting onto me about the swinger parties (which he never did when I wasn’t close by) and claiming he was worried about std’s.

I’m pretty sure that is not the case. I mean this is a guy who fucked me bareback, within minutes of meeting me the first time, off Craigslist, lol. Whatever. He was sooo “concerned” that he put on a condom this time though, for about 30 seconds, before ripping it off and throwing it on the floor.

It was weird though, the sex this time wasn’t all that great. I mean, it was still good, but nothing like I remember. It was pretty much like fucking any other guy. I’m not really sure what it was, if it was me, or him, or just a change in the chemistry. I admit to being a little bit irritated with him beforehand too, about his attitude, and because he showed up WAY later than expected and kept saying he’d be there in a little bit. Maybe emotionally I was just put off. Not sure what was going on there.

He’d been pushing hard to see me that night and I was putting him off because I’d already invited Mr. Firm to come help me christen my new house. πŸ˜‰ We didn’t have plans set in stone or anything, it was just a maybe, but the Married Man had contacted me after, so he was kind of the backup plan. When he started exhibiting all the typical madonna/whore stuff, and I’d been all happy chatting with Mr. Firm, who doesn’t do that, right before….he just seemed less exciting, or something.

I will say though, that I am still impressed with Mr. Married Man’s ability to unsnap a bra strap with more ease than I’ve ever seen anyone do it in my life, lmao. I’m like how does he DO that?? He can get it off even more easily than me, with one hand, in like half a second.

He seemed super tall to me for some reason too. Maybe because I wasn’t wearing heels for a change. I was in socks when he came to the door and he seemed like a giant when he had to bend down to kiss me lol. He’s 6’1″, just seemed bigger than he used to be. It HAS been over a year since we last slept together and the last time I saw him he was seated in his car.

The other returning man has been the Pilot!! We’ve still kept in touch all this time, but it has mostly been sporadic. He had told me at some point that he was falling for a woman at work and thinking about something serious with her, which totally turned me off. I told him I didn’t want to be fucking him in that situation and he thought that I was being dramatic. It just bothered me, and I didn’t want to be put again into a situation like I was with the Professor, or the Producer, or any of these guys where I ended up getting hurt because they wanted to treat me as second best.

Anyhow, when he heard I was moving his direction, he made it clear he’d like to spend some more time with me again. I didn’t even ask about the other woman. It had been months ago when he mentioned that. He invited me to be his partner for this group where they were supposed to be having “orgies during the day” at lunchtime, once or twice a month. I was unsure but agreed to come to the meet and greet and check it out.

He came to pick me up and my 22 year old sister was here to babysit. We were both dressed up and pretending to be going to some sort of a luncheon. My sister later said to me “OMG, he’s cute AND he has a nice car, I need to hang out with you more often!!” LOL

Anyhow, he’d asked me to wear a dress, with the plan being that we would meet these people then find a place to fuck each other after. So I was in a short, shiny, silver, tank dress and heels. He kept telling me I looked especially hot. He also was “warning” me about things now that I am living closer to the big city swinger scene. He said to be careful.

I couldn’t really get him to be specific, so not sure what he meant, but he was concerned about me being a single woman and how the guys would act now that I’m living up here. I told him I’d gone to some of the Host’s parties (he knows him) and he didn’t really like that. He said he doesn’t like to compete, and mostly stays away from that sort of thing (which I don’t really get because here we are on our way to an orgy group…).

We showed up at the meeting spot, which was a park gazebo, yet nobody arrived. I have no idea where he “met” these folks online, but it wasn’t the swinger site. I’m suspecting Craigslist, because he was vague when I asked and I’ve had another “orgy party” that failed through there too once, with the Prof. He had also informed me that we were using fake names for this party beforehand.

I don’t think either one of us was too terribly disappointed that it didn’t work out. He’d given me some fair warning beforehand that it might not. After about 20 minutes we got back in the car to find a place to have fun on our own.

He kept driving in circles, checking out parking lot after parking lot. I suspect it was mostly because he wanted to talk. He started telling me about this woman again. He still has feelings for her but they have only had sex once. He’s her boss at work and he’s had some issues there with gossip lately. It sounds like a mess and he’s obviously got it bad.

He said he was surprised I didn’t ask about her and I didn’t comment. Her name, he told me, is almost the same as mine. :p She told him her “tarot card reader” said she shouldn’t mess with him anymore and has some issue with an extremely abusive ex boyfriend. She had just texted him that day though, to ask him to come see her new house (she is moving too) and he wanted to know if I thought that meant she wanted to start seeing him again. SMH…

Anyway, it was kind of starting to kill the mood and I’m wondering if we are even going to have sex. He did sort of apologize and comment on that right before. He was like “this probably isn’t a good time to be discussing this”. Ya think?? πŸ˜›

After driving me through a million parking lots and pointing out a club he said he was wanting to show me that is “Lifestyle friendly but not a Lifestyle club” we finally settled on what looked like the parking lot of a nursing home. Right smack dab in the middle of it. There was no one around, though I suppose anyone could have looked out their window, lmao.

He came around and stood next to the passenger side of the car, unbuckling his pants. I sucked his dick. Then he had me get out and bend over the seat while he fucked me a little bit from behind. It felt really good but after a few minutes he started to get uneasy and wanted to move to another place.

We drove to the back side of the parking lot of a large health club and went at it again. This time he was in a better position to see who was coming and going. I have to admit it was pretty hot. He kept saying “God you are sooo wet”. He asked me where I wanted him to cum and I said anywhere but inside me. So he told me to turn around and take it in my mouth. He came a lot and I managed to swallow most of it, though I got a bit in my hair and on my arm.

Then he drove me home and we talked some more. I just don’t know. The whole thing still bothers me. I guess maybe it shouldn’t, but it makes me feel used. I didn’t tell him any of that though.

Maybe I’ve just been emotional lately (recently finished my period) but I got to thinking about it a lot and why it bugs me so much. On one hand I do enjoy casual sex and I am fine with it with some people, but I still really crave a close emotional relationship with SOMEONE.

All the current men in my life…they already have someone who they are “in love” with, but it isn’t me. I even met and had sex with a new guy the other day, and he seems like he has someone already too. He was trying to tell me we are going to have threesomes, and I noticed when he was showing me pictures on his phone that this one girl’s face just kept popping up.

Theres really not a lot to tell about that guy, lol. I met him on Plenty of Fish. He’s some kind of a golf star and has trophies all over the place and pictures of himself in “Golf Digest”. He lasted about 30 seconds in bed and then maybe a couple minutes for the second round. We had dinner at his house and he cooked me some ribs, macaroni and bbq beans, lol. It was good and then he wanted a massage. He seemed a little selfish overall, and crazy, because he was telling me I need a mixed baby and that maybe in a couple of years he and I could have one (!!). However, he has been nice in offering to have someone who works for him (he owns an auto shop) come look at the A/C in my vehicle. I don’t know, not super into him but may give it another try. I’m not too keen on the threesome idea though.

Anyway, I guess I’m just feeling a little unloved. Its not like I have time to devote to a real relationship and I realize that, but I do ache for some attention and affection, in more ways than just sex. I think I’m lovable, but I’m not sure anyone else sees it.

Society says men only fall in love with you if you don’t sleep with them and I’m not sure there isn’t some truth behind that. Trying to play that game though, seems so fake. I guess I just want someone to be able to see me for who I am and fall in love with that, instead of an image I put forth to “trick” them into something. I’m not holding my breath. :p