Another wipeout…

wipeout

Well, Radioman is gone. It looks like it’s pretty much time to wipe the slate clean and start all over again, with new men. Let me tell you a little bit about what happened.

Besides an occasional rendezvous with the CEO, Radioman has been the main man in my life for the past several months. I’ve been seeing him a couple times a week, and felt like the emotional bond was getting stronger. We were casual, but comfortable and seemingly happy. He was my mainstay and I really didn’t feel the need to spend much time with anyone else.

Actually, recently, he had started to express a little more jealousy. When I was out with a girlfriend, he asked me not to sleep with any other men. Yet, at the same time he was asking questions about a possible threesome with her or another woman. Typical. Still, he claimed he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else.

On top of that, we had gotten the radio station together with my company to do a little temporary project. It was fun and we were enjoying seeing each other at work. Or so it seemed….

I was really starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Radioman was someone I could see myself with long term. He had started bringing up topics like how he hates living alone and wanted a woman to come home to. He said he missed having someone cook for him and be there to talk to at the end of the day. He even asked me to come over and just be there with him, he said it didn’t have to be all about sex. He even invited me to come cook dinner at his house because my oven wasn’t working, he said just so he could smell the food, even if he wasn’t eating it, lol.

I still had reservations, in the back of my mind. I wondered, could I really be faithful to someone like Radioman? I know he would want that. From what I know of his ex wife, she got BORED. Also, he struggles financially with all the child support he pays, having 3 children with three different women. Then there is the gambling… Yet I thought, maybe. Maybe I am being too picky and can’t afford to be that way. I do really enjoy my time with him and I feel comfortable, if not in love. Maybe I should give it a chance.

All that was blown out of the water very quickly though. First, there was an incident at work where I had to leave early and he was apparently hitting on my co-worker. He added her on Facebook and since I was friends with both of them it popped up.

I was pretty upset. I was MORE upset that he was possibly damaging a relationship with my co-worker than I was worried about how it would affect me and him. I most definitely do not need competition over men at work. A big part of my job is being able to be in good spirits and having fun with the people I work with in order to make sales. I told him if he is pursuing her then we need to be done.

We got into it and he seemed sincerely apologetic. He swore up and down that it was all just friendly and business but she said she had felt uncomfortable with it too. He yelled at me for over an hour about how innocent he was and said that couldn’t I see from all this how much he CARED about me? He said he really only wanted ME and that was why he was here fighting for this relationship, almost like we were “married” (his words). He agreed to delete her and that it wouldn’t happen again.

I finally relented and forgave him and for the next week he seemed much more concerned about showing me he cared. He was going way out of his way to call, text, and invite me over. It was almost to the point of being annoying.

All seemed well, or so I thought. The following weekend it all disappeared. He showed up, at an event he knew I would be working, with a DATE.

He had been texting me repeatedly, throughout the day, asking questions. So he KNEW I was going to be there and knew what time. He even TOLD me he was coming and I said great, maybe I can come hang out with you for a little bit. He insisted that he wouldn’t want me to do that, since he knew I had to make sales. I was like, its really not a big deal I can leave for a while if I want to.

Thirty minutes before he arrived, he texted and told me that since he had extra tickets from the radio station, he was going to meet a friend and “her” kids. That made me feel weird and I wasn’t sure what to think. He and I have never done anything with my children. Still, I thought, okay, maybe I should chill out and its just platonic. He does have a lot of friends.

I saw him, and the woman and her daughter, so he came over and said hi. The woman was ugly, in my opinion, and she kind of hung back a bit. Finally, he introduced us and it all just felt really uncomfortable. I could tell the teenage daughter did not feel good about it. Something wasn’t right.

The longer I worked, while they were walking around doing whatever, the more my blood began to boil. I just couldn’t believe, out of all the places in the city he could have gone, that he brought another woman to the place he knew I was going to be, on what appeared to be a “date”. We hadn’t gone on a date since the first couple of times we were together, before having sex. It seemed very disrespectful and in my face.

I finally texted him later that night and asked him about it. He said I was tripping and that she was just a friend. So I went over to his Facebook page and saw that she had tagged him a couple of days prior, when he took her out to a restaurant for lunch! It happened to be a day that he had told me he was with a “client”. I was PISSED!

So I emailed her on Facebook, told her I was the woman she met and asked what their relationship was. She said they had been friends for a long time, but were on a date and that he was pursuing her hard for a relationship. They hadn’t had sex yet.

I questioned him again and he was still being evasive, until I told him I had talked to HER. She asked me to ask him if he wanted to date her to see what he would say. He wouldn’t answer for a very long time and then he finally asked her to be his girlfriend and told me that is what he had wanted all along.

OUCH. Ouch. Just ouch. 😦 I am glad I confronted it all head on though, rather than allow myself to continue to be disrespected. I blocked him on Facebook and put all his text messages to spam. I can see that he hasn’t tried to contact me anyway, but I feel better not being tempted to respond if he does.

I’m still a little bit shell shocked. It definitely hurt and I cried quite a bit over the abandonment of it all but I know I am going to be okay. I know, logically, that I had questions in my mind about him anyway and that he wasn’t the man for me, but I still felt attached. It had been almost 9 months since we started sleeping together.

It reminds me SO MUCH of what happened with the Producer, if any of you all remember THAT story. Sigh. Why do other women always get chosen over me? This woman wasn’t even physically attractive, that I could see. Her face was sort of worn and leathered, like that of a former drug addict or someone who has had a hard life.

I don’t understand. Maybe its because she was holding out on sex? He was already treating her better than he treated me, from the get go. He took her out to a nicer restaurant, and according to her, to the movies, AND he was taking her to a party at the radio station the next night. Not to mention the event I was working at.

Why? Why? Why? I feel so defeated, like giving up. Is something wrong with me?

A funny twist in it all- the very next night I got asked out on a double date by some guys that live out of town but were working here with me. After dinner, my phone died and I was in the heart of the city trying to figure out how to get home. So, I just started driving and looking for something familiar.

I ended up in the shopping district and got out at a gas station to ask directions. When I walked out of the door, I was standing smack dab in front of the Married Man that I haven’t seen in forever! He said I looked good and he wanted to start seeing me again. I probably would have that night if I hadn’t been on my period. 😉 Maybe again soon.

In the meantime, I’ve gone out on a couple of dates with different guys. I had sex with one. He is a professional boxer and personal trainer and is here from out of town for a tournament. He’s a nice looking guy and has a big dick but there really isn’t a whole lot else to say about him, lol. The sex was decent, but nothing out of this world.

I went out with someone else last night but he definitely wasn’t for me. I guess I just need to keep playing the numbers game and see what I come up with. Wish me luck!

27 thoughts on “Another wipeout…

      • I can think of a few reasons, beginning with how you get hooked on guys based on what they do for you more than who they really are as a person. They treat you well fuck your brains out, but then you find out how insecure they are, how possessive they become, and/or they’re just into you because it’s so easy to get you to spread your legs. Nothing wrong with getting laid as much as you can but you’re looking for more from them that, so far, none have been able to deliver – you really need to figure out how to make better choices, my friend; otherwise, you’re always going to keep repeating this scenario and keep getting your hopes crushed (along with your heart).

    • I WANT to figure this all out, but I feel so clueless and helpless. Like, what should I be doing differently? Should I not be having sex with them? Is that the issue? How do I figure out who they really are as a person? I feel so lost.

      • I know you love the sex but the hard part is being able to look past how good they are in bed, to look beyond the words they say to you and pay more attention to the other clues that pretty much all men give off as to their true intentions toward you, while keeping in mind that we will, sadly, tell you anything you want to hear if it will let us keep fucking you.

        It is hard for a woman who wants the things you want and need to find a guy who is willing to go along with the program; some guys just lack the maturity and even intelligence to handle being in a relationship with a woman who also loves to have sex with as many other men she can while doing her part to maintain that loving relationship she needs.

        How do you look beneath his surface? You ask questions and a lot of them and how he answers them will tell you what’s going on inside his head and then you don’t stop asking questions until you get to the truth of him. If he doesn’t want you screwing other guys – but he wants to include you in a threesome, well, walk away from him; this is some bullshit you just don’t need. It doesn’t matter if the guy can give you whatever you want because he’s got deep pockets; if he can’t commit himself to your vision of what would work best for you, then he has no place in your life or your bed; you just have to find ways to make him prove, beyond any doubt, that he really is the man you want and need because, my friend, you are sexy enough that you can get dick from any man you want – and you clearly need more than just a hard dick to ensure your happiness.

      • Thanks Kdaddy. I don’t even feel like I need an open relationship at this point. I just need time to decide who is right for me and by the time I start thinking maybe about a guy its like he’s already onto wanting that with someone else. In the very beginning, Radioman asked me if I wanted an exclusive relationship but I didn’t know him well enough yet to know.

      • The kind of relationship you REALLY want will set the stage for how you “select” a man but you still have to shift your thinking about how you evaluate a guy – you just gotta look past what he’s showing you and what he’s saying. You still have to scrutinize these things but very, very closely to see if he’s for real or just after your body.

        You have to seriously ask this question: “At this point in my life, what do I really need in a man?” – then set about the task of answering it. If it’s just good sex, that’s one frame of mind; if it’s something more permanent, that’s a different frame of mind… but it’s not easy because, like I said, we – men – will tell you anything you wanna hear in order to get you into bed so you just have to be smarter about your choices and, yes, because we can lie our asses off to get the pussy, that’s why a lot of women won’t sleep with a guy right away, right?

      • Are there actually any men out there that aren’t going to be just after my body though? I have my doubts…. If they are they are probably asexuals. I don’t know. Maybe I need to wait till my kids are grown before a guy will even look at me twice for any kind of real relationship. It’s painful to think that way but may be true.
        I think the reason that women wait is more because they know men will respect them more and be more likely to fall in love if they have to work for it. Maybe I need to make men work harder.

      • Yes, there are men who want more than your body and, yes, perhaps you should make them work harder. The ages-old problem, of course, is finding that guy who will value you for more than your love of sex. Perhaps the guy you need is the one who is willing to be that father figure your children need? This guy is hard to find, too – not many men are willing to care for children that aren’t theirs, yet another black mark on us guys.

        You still have to determine your wants and needs in this and then be very – and terribly – discriminating about it so that you get the guy who is best for you and your children.

      • I don’t really know that I want a man to be involved in my life with my kids. Maybe, but he would have to be something really special to be able to handle that. I just want to be able to have love and affection as well as sex, without having to worry about being ditched for another woman.

      • Getting ditched is an occupational hazard of any relationship – it happens despite our best efforts to keep it from happening and, really, nothing is forever so we have to learn how to make the best of a situation for however long it’s gonna last.

        Love and affection has to be cultivated; sex, such as it can be, is way easier to obtain. I’ve never understood how women decide but if I wanted love and affection, everything I do and say is going to be geared to obtain this and always with the understanding that just because this is what I want, it doesn’t mean she is going to want the exact same things – and the sex is implied. If she isn’t buying into my thoughts and feelings about a serious relationship, well, she just ain’t the one; if her idea of this is very different than my own, it’s time to work toward a compromise that will get both of us what we want without either of us giving away the farm to get it.

        My friend, you just have to be smarter, more determined, and not so easily swayed by someone who can fuck your brains out; good in bed just does not mean that he’s gonna be good out of the sack, as you’ve been learning. If it’s just sex you want, the it’s about not paying much attention to anything other than that. If it’s love and affection, that’s where your focus should be, looking for the guy who proves to you that he can give you this and with the least amount of bullshit.

        While your feelings are important, YOU MUST THINK! Let your intelligence guide you so you can pay attention to everything he says and does; you ask questions to find out what you need to know and you just don’t believe everything you hear as answers – but you also have to determine what the truth is and I can’t tell you how to do that.

        Look at all the times you’ve failed; see what went wrong – what you did wrong and what those guys all did – and then work out a plan to make changes in yourself to cut down your mistakes while trying to learn how to read men to determine their true motivation for wanting to be with you.

        It’s not easy because it’s not supposed to be easy and you have to work hard to get the man you want in your life, which also isn’t as easy as it might appear to be. But it all begins with you; it’s about what you want, what you’re willing to do to get it, what you’re not gonna do, and more shit than I can easily explain.

        Finally, for this moment, if I were a woman with children, I would not accept any man who ain’t down for the package deal; if you want me, my children are a part of me; most women I know with young children will not deal with a man who isn’t willing or able to accept everything in their lives, including the kids. As a man, I wouldn’t get involved with a woman with children who didn’t want me to interact with them – where I come from, that’s just wrong because it tells me something about her that I can’t abide by, that she cares more about her own needs than the needs of her family – but I’m old-fashioned like that.

      • Its just overwhelming. I’m very careful about who I have around my kids because my own experiences with stepfathers were pretty bad. I don’t want to have them around anyone who turns out to be abusive and I don’t want them to get attached to some guy who is just going to ditch and run, like men have done to me. They have already been mostly abandoned by their dad and I don’t want them to have to go through that again.

  1. I think the problem is that you are not choosing men your attraction is actually high enough for. The fact that he didn’t feel comfortable telling the truth says so much to me, because it gives me the feeling that they don’t feel like they can trust you and nor do you trust them.

    That’s what I think. I may be wrong ofcourse.

    • With him, yeah. I liked him but I wasn’t in love. I was attracted to him but maybe not “enough”. The only guy I trusted really was the Cohort, but that didn’t work for other reasons. :/

  2. LG wrote: “He was already treating her better than he treated me, from the get go. He took her out to a nicer restaurant, and according to her, to the movies, AND he was taking her to a party at the radio station the next night. Not to mention the event I was working at.

    Why? Why? Why? I feel so defeated, like giving up. Is something wrong with me?”

    ^^^ There is nothing wrong with you. His behavior is all about him. Maybe he’s insecure. Maybe he wants to prove his virility. Whatever the reason: it has nothing to do with you and your value as a person; it has everything to do with him and where he is in life.

    You have a choice: you can view his relationship with the OP (and the way he treats her) as something between two people; or you can view it as something Against You.

    You’re not less important than the OP.

    p.s. enjoyed your posts on BD blog. The thread was entertaining as hell. LOL

    • Thanks. I really want to view it that way, and not take it personally. It’s hard though. I just can’t wrap my head around the WHY of it all. Why not me? Why didn’t he do that stuff with me? It makes me feel like crap.

      • That’s painful Kdaddy. Why doesn’t anyone seem to see me as more than that? I think I’m actually a pretty fun person to be around and I’m good to the guys I am with. I’m definitely “relationship material” if someone gave me a chance.
        He did say no one else had ever made him cum with a blowjob, and I did it virtually every time. At least I can feel like I’m getting SOME revenge by never giving him another one. :p Funny, the Producer was all into my BJ’s too…. ugh. Maybe I should stop giving good head.

      • I’ll probably lose my man-card for saying this but maybe you shouldn’t give a guy your very best from the beginning? Your desire for sex just overrides a man’s desire to commit to you in a true romantic sense; yep, guys like The Producer want to keep you around because you are so damned good in bed and because you are, they are quick to keep you away from other men so they don’t have to share you, which has absolutely nothing to do with romance.

        But if I were a conniving motherfucker, yes, I would fill your head with romantic notions just so I could keep having magnificent sex with you. I know this is painful and I can’t apologize enough for it but, sadly, this is how some of us are. Not because you’re a wonderful person with your clothes on but because you are more than a a pleasure in bed… and you’re easy… way too easy for your own good.

        So maybe not making it so easy will help you weed out the assholes; maybe you shouldn’t be so easily swayed by guys who can fuck to the way you like to be fucked – they might be good in the sack but that’s really the only thing good about them as you’ve unfortunately have learned over and over.

        For example, the rule I always abide by is that I don’t care how good you are in bed; if we can’t have tons of fun without sex, then a woman isn’t relationship material for me; if I sense that you can’t appreciate the other things about me, well, thanks for the sex but we can’t go any further.

        And I’m a guy who’d do this – and I learned it from women…

        You can’t change them… but you can change how you do things and you know I’ve always felt that you need to change.

      • So you think I should start holding out on sex? I’m so lost. I don’t really believe I will or could ever find anyone who would want a serious long term thing with me until my kids are grown. I have too many. So holding out seems like it would get me….nothing. At least this way I get some companionship for a while and sex.

      • If it is just sex you want, then that should be the only thing on your mind; get laid and think about who’s gonna be able to bone you tomorrow. Don’t allow yourself to be swayed by talks of love – just be about the business of having a whale of a time having sex. I know women who don’t care about being in a relationship since they tend to severely limit their ability to get laid whenever they want to so if a guy starts talking about love and other things, they get cut off from the coochie and sent on their way.

        If you want more than just sex, yeah, maybe you’d find a better choice of men if you didn’t give it up so “easily;” while I believe that a woman can give up the booty whenever she wants to, women looking for something more than just sex have been known to make guys wait for months before sleeping with them; most guys aren’t gonna want to wait longer than a week or so to get inside your panties and while some assholes are incredibly patient, the man who values you for the person you are will wait as long as it takes before getting the goodies. And even then, she’s not gonna give 100% to the sex until she’s damned sure he’s truly gonna be committed to her.

        I could spend a lot of time talking to you about this and even tell you every man trick I know… but you still have to do what’s best for you and all based on what you really and truly need at this point in your life.

        And I’ll help as much as I can…

      • Trying to figure out the “WHY” will drive you crazy. Without directly confronting him about “WHY” (and I don’t think he’ll give you an open, honest, direct answer) you’re mind-reading. Maybe a better tactic would be figuring out why you attracted him into your life.

        Anyway, I would try to view it as a Gift. He did you a favor by exposing his inner nature. You don’t have to waste your time giving him space in your head. Find a better fit. Tons of guys out there. You can always train a beta, whatever that is…

      • Truth to be told…from the moment he said he didn’t want you to see other men and yet he was still offering you an idea of a threesome with another woman.I already knew this won’t end well.But I don’t understand why you have to be so upset?
        I mean do you actually looking for a serious relationship?

      • Sebhai- It’s insulting and hurtful, regardless of whether or not I was looking for a serious relationship, for him to throw this in my face. I’m always CONSIDERING each man in my life as a possibility on some level, unless he’s already in a serious relationship or there is a very clear definition that this is strictly a fuck buddy thing.

        Maybe that is the part that a lot of men don’t understand. I think it is in most women’s natures to be seeking love at all times. It’s definitely in mine. It might not be at the forefront of my mind, but its there in my emotional state.

      • Most of us do, in fact, know that women instinctively seek love… and some of us know that can be used as a weapon against you to get you to open your legs and give us what we really want. And, sadly, you keep winding up on the wrong end of this because he loves that you’re easy and as long as he can convince you that he gives a fuck about you, you will predictably keep opening your legs until he screws up and shows his true colors.

        Ya got learn how to trust… but verify.

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