Took a trip, and am I tripping?

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I haven’t even had a chance to tell you all about another man in my life! We will call him Chicago. He lives here in my city half the time, but travels back and forth to his home in Chicago every couple of weeks. He works from home doing some kind of computer engineering, but prefers living there, to here (where his child is) so he has condos in both places.

Actually, he recently flew ME to Chicago to stay with him for a weekend! He wined and dined me and took me to my first comedy show- to see Cedric the Entertainer. It was an exciting weekend for me, with getting to travel and experience new things. His condo has a beautiful view of Lake Michigan and he took me to a delicious steak house, where he dropped well over $200 for dinner.

Here’s the view of Lake Michigan from his condo:
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And my lovely bubbling drink at the steak house:

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I’d had some car troubles, thanks to my teenager (long story), so Chicago covered rental vehicles for me to take my kids to their dads, and also paid for my gas. His brother drove me to the airport. Obviously, this guy is doing alright financially. šŸ˜‰

Actually, he’s been probably more of a Sugar Daddy than any of the others, buying and giving me things here and there. He gave me a brand new printer for my computer and bought me a shawl so I wouldn’t need to borrow his jacket when we go out. He’s taken me out for lots of dinners at nice restaurants and to the movies several times.

Sounds fabulous right? Well, not quite. I’m really, just not feeling this guy. I just can’t bring myself to LIKE him that much. I’m trying, really I am, but it’s just not there.

He’s obviously doting on me, and being a nice person. He claims to like me a lot. Yet, some things just really bug me. I’ve finally figured out that he reminds me of my ex husband.

He reminds me of him in SEVERAL ways. One, is how he acts in the bedroom. We just can’t seem to have good sex. There is like, NO chemistry. He’s doing some of the same things that other guys do, at least trying to be good, but it’s just not working for me! It’s so weird.

One of the things that bothers me, is that he just doesn’t seem to be able to, or maybe he’s just not interested in, reading my body language. If I don’t like something, and try to make it clear, he just keeps trying to do the same damn thing!

Like he has an obsession with trying to lick my nipples. Sometimes I like that, but not the way he does it. He will lunge toward my nipples with his tongue flicking out and I am like cringing. I’ll kind of push him away and he comes back again in full force. So I actually covered my nipples with my hands and he tried to pull them off! I wouldn’t let him so he’s laughing about it, what you don’t like that? I said they feel sensitive and now he harrasses me about it, major turnoff. He is constantly trying to do what I have made clear I wasn’t feeling.

What’s crazy is that my ex husband would try to do that very same thing and act the very same way about it- annoyed with ME for not enjoying something. Get over it already and quit trying to do something I’m obviously not liking! Sheesh!

That’s just one example. The rest of the sex just isn’t working well either. I just don’t like it.

I’m sure some of it, is that he’s just NOT the Cohort. I’m emotionally attached and it makes it hard for me to be with someone new. I only started seeing this guy after the last miscarriage, when I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with he and I.

Still, it’s not just the bedroom where he’s acting insensitive. He doesn’t seem to pay any attention to the things I SAY to him. It’s like he cuts me off or changes the subject or just says “uh-huh” like I’m not saying anything interesting. It’s very upsetting to me to not feel heard when I am talking. That too, is very much like my ex, who brushed off anything I wanted to talk about (outside of the Bible or politics) as unimportant.

He also has a tendency to over-explain things to me, like he thinks I am an idiot or something. It makes me feel like a child. He took me to a park the other day (and to eat afterwards) and insisted on looking up the history of the park on his phone and reading to me about how it was donated by some woman whose husband owned a biscuit factory, like he was giving me a lesson. TOTALLY like my ex husband, who was always lecturing about something.

He actually wanted to talk about scripture on our last date. Uggggghhh… he said because it was something “different” than what most people talk about and he thought it would be a nice change of pace. I spent 15 years talking about the Bible. I didn’t want to be rude but I really didn’t feel like elaborating on my thoughts about various passages of scripture. It felt torturous.

He wants to hold hands, and be “romantic” all the time but it makes my skin crawl. I feel guilty, but I can’t help it! It’s frustrating.

Anyway, when we got back to his place, I decided to play a little game, just to test and see if he actually does listen to anything I say. I asked him some questions about myself to see if he knew the answers to any of them, all things I had told him before. I was like what color are my eyes? He said “blue” (we were in candlelight and my eyes are green). I asked how many siblings do I have, where did I go to high school, what did I major in in college? He got them ALL wrong. Then I let him ask me stuff and I got every single answer RIGHT. Because I actually freaking LISTEN when someone is talking to me!

It bothers me so much, that I don’t know if I can stand it much longer, even with all the perks. His birthday is coming up soon and he has decided he wants me to make him a picnic with wine and grapes and strawberries that we feed each other on a blanket outside, and then I give him backrubs. It sounds kind of like Hell on earth. Not sure how to get out of it without being rude though.

I guess all this kind of explains why my trip to Chicago, while fun in some ways, just wasn’t what it was cracked up to be. The whole time I was really missing the Cohort and wishing he was the one with me. We would have had SO much fun, doing those exact same things together. Heck, I can have a blast with the Cohort at the grocery store! Lol

Chicago took me to the store with him the other day and I was miserable. He took like an hour to buy stuff and it was soooo boring. It reminded me of being a kid and getting dragged along on errands with old people. Bleah.

I was positively aching for the Cohort the whole time I was away in Chicago. He didn’t even know I was gone (it was two days, one night) but I missed him something awful. Then he called, right as I was boarding the plane. I told him where I was and actually ended up getting MAD at him for no reason. I think it was just all that pent up resentment that I was spending my time with someone else, when he was who I’d rather be sharing all this with. At that time we were trying not to have sex with each other.

We couldn’t talk after the plane took off, so I stewed on my thoughts for awhile and finally figured out that was what it was. So I told him the truth and said I missed you and the whole time I was here I wanted to be with you. Being with this guy was mostly meant to take my mind OFF of him, but it hasn’t been working very well.

6 thoughts on “Took a trip, and am I tripping?

  1. I read this very late last night… and while I understand that you’re trying to take your mind off of The Cohort, um, why are you seeing Chicago if all he really does is aggravate the hell out of you?

    • Haha…well, I WAS trying to give him a chance, but right now I’m really just trying to figure out how to end it. He’s been super nice with all the financial gifts and I supposed I feel obligated, especially with his birthday coming up. Ugh.

      This is why I don’t think I could ever REALLY be a gold digger. I just can’t stick around with guys solely for the financial aspects. I have to actually like them more than that.

      The Cohort asked me, a couple of weeks ago, what my heart was saying about the Chicago guy. I said it says “NO”. It’s like a firm NO. Yet I still haven’t dropped him. He’s in Chicago now, so I don’t actually have to be around him, but every time he texts, my heart sinks.

      I feel like it would be mean to drop this guy who keeps doing all this stuff for me, right before his birthday. Yet, maybe that’s why he keeps buying me stuff, to manipulate me into feeling that way. He’s flying back right before his b-day and I’m just dreading it. Blech. I need to find a way to end it all.

      • I know if it were me, I’d just tell him that I can’t do this any longer and tell him why – even if it gets ugly. It doesn’t make sense for you to keep dealing with a situation like this when it’s not agreeing with you.

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