Archive | March 2014

Men and Madonna/Whore

halfangel
In preparation for my big move, I decided to switch the zip code and city name on each of my online profiles.  This has already resulted in quite a few new men writing me emails.  It was exciting for a minute, but what with trying to pack and the ten million things I need to get done, it’s getting to be a little much.  Perhaps I should have waited.

Anyhoo, I can hardly keep up, but there have already been a couple of interesting prospects.  One of the men called me on the phone today.  I’m so glad he did, because it helped me to realize I will NEVER be interested in this guy, despite a decent profile and good looks. 

He’s some kind of bodybuilder, or so he felt the need to tell me at least 3 or 4 times, and the pics would seem to back that up.  He also claimed to be an architect and a personal trainer, that makes upwards of 80,000 per year.  Whatever.  I’m pretty sure he’s full of shit, lol..

Throughout the course of the conversation, he told me that:

A. He wants to get me pregnant (WTF, why do I keep coming across this with men??) He said not to worry, he had every plan of taking care of “his child”.  (::: blink, blink :::::)

B. That he lives with a “much older” woman because she and her husband split up and she needed someone to “protect” her from him, but that they have a huge house, and both do their “own thing”.  (Yeah, nice way to try and cover up that she is your sugar Mommy, lmao).  Seriously though, there is nothing attractive about a 40 something man that needs to be taken care of like a child.

C.  Tried to tell me he was 21, then switched it to “between 40 and 45”.  Dude, I don’t want a 21 year old guy.  How is this even supposed to make him more attractive??  I’m 37.  I like men that are a little more mature.

D.  Told me he is a “sex addict”, then proceeded to tell me a story about some woman he went on a date with, but wouldn’t have sex with her, because she seemed to be giving it away “too easily”.  (:::: GAG ::::) 

E.  Asked me if I had stretch marks and said that he hoped my stomach wasn’t “all torn up” from having kids.  Nice.  Yeah, now I absolutely NEVER want to get naked in front of this guy.  I mean, that is the part of my body I am probably the most insecure about.  Why the hell would you say something like that to a mom, before you have even met? SMFH

F. Told me that normally women are the ones who hit HIM up on OKCupid (where we met) but that he saw something, he couldn’t figure out what it was, that was attractive about me.  EYEROLL.  I know damn well women aren’t hitting him up left and right on the dating sites (I did just experiment with this after all, haha).  Plus, this stuff about not knowing what he found attractive about me was almost offensive.

G.  Claimed he was a personal trainer at a particular gym.  My former brother in law is also a personal trainer, I think at that same gym, so I commented on that and he quickly switched it to a gym with the same name in a different (suburb) city.  Then he said that actually, he doesn’t work for the gym itself, but brings in people he trains and just does it there, and that he is helping the gym indirectly that way.  Mmmkay…

H.  Went on about how he needed a woman to be faithful to him, right after telling me that his ex used to want him to have threesomes with her and her girlfriends all the time.  UGH…

Do I need to go through the entire alphabet here?  Haha….I feel like I could, but in any case, no way Jose, am I messing with this guy.

I’ve come across some other interesting (and more promising) men on there, but I want to use this,  to make a point about men and their Madonna/Whore complexes.  It’s one of those things that just perplexes and drives me absolutely crazy with annoyance at the male species.  I DETEST the whole Madonna/whore dichotomy, as I wrote about in On Being a Slut. Kdaddy also recently wrote a blog on the topic, that got me thinking, and wanting to contribute my two cents.

Then I got another email on OKCupid, and it isn’t the only or first guy who has asked me this:  “Do you REALLY want casual sex?”  Apparently, when I first signed up for the site, ONE of the boxes I checked was for “casual sex”.  I think I clicked on that as WELL as, long or short term relationships, dating, and a handful of choices that were available as for what I was looking for at the time. 

The “casual sex” thing though, it gets guys every time.  I don’t mean “gets” them in the sense that they want to fuck, though that is often the case, but gets them all freaked out!!  Apparently, for many men, it is just UNTHINKABLE, that a girl like me, might have deliberately checked the CASUAL SEX button.  OMG!

This guy was unique because he actually bothered to follow it up with another email, when I ignored him. That let me know I was indeed correct, in assuming that he meant it as a negative judgement, rather than his wanting sex with me. 

Here is his second email:  “Actually after reading your answers to the questions on here, I guess maybe you are looking for that. I was trying to be helpful because it automatically marks all the options when you first sign up.”  Gee, thanks for the “help”. 

Shame, shame on me for wanting casual sex.  Once a guy wrote me a big long letter explaining why it wasn’t okay for women to seek out casual sex and that no man would want me if I gave it away so easily.  Thanks.  I so needed a lecture from a random guy on a dating site about how I should conduct my sex life. One thing is for sure, that attitude is not helping the guy get a date, at least from me!!

I’ve always been honestly puzzled and disturbed that so many men split women into the two categories of Madonna/Whore.  I find it very difficult to understand why a woman’s past sexual experiences would be such a bad thing.  If anything, experience helps a woman to learn what she likes in bed and better communicate it to you.

I’ve never been able to quite comprehend how men can have sex with women they consider “whores,” then disrespect them for doing so.  Yet, its common.  Extremely, extremely common for men to sleep around all they want and only settle down with someone who is sexually inexperienced, that they see as more worthy of love.

On some level, I know this is because men see sexual promiscuity as a threat.  If they dare to let down their guard and love a woman who sleeps around, then she might leave them for another guy.  I do understand this, to an extent, it’s just like, come on guys, don’t you have any more confidence than that? 

They trust themselves, to sleep around with many women, but always come back to the woman they fell in love with, or married.  At least many do, yet they can’t trust women to do the same.  I wonder why? 

What bugs me the most is that men do this splitting thing where they won’t be affectionate with a woman they consider a slut.  They treat her as though she is less deserving of sweetness and romance.  Is this some kind of repressed anger? 

Sometimes it goes so far as the guy shaming a woman he DOES have feelings for because of her sexual desires WITH HIM.  I’ve been on the receiving end of this plenty of times and it just leaves me sort of speechless.  You don’t want me to be too sexual WITH YOU?  WTF? 

They won’t usually ADMIT this but it happens a lot.  Quite often the same guy claims to want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets”.  Yet when the rubber meets the road, this is a threat to him and he doesn’t really want that.  She has to fit one or the other mold in his head.

The whole thing bothers me so much because I LOVE being able to give and receive love and affection with a man.  I also LOVE sex.  Finding someone who is cool enough to allow me to do BOTH of those things is like looking for a needle in a haystack. 

It’s like every guy I meet wants me either to be his girlfriend and lack sexual desire, (unless of course its for other women, to bring back to him) or he finds out I want to have lots of sex and doesn’t want to talk or have an emotional connection with me.  I don’t like being pigeonholed into either of those boxes. 

This makes it very hard for me on dating sites.  If I meet guys on a “vanilla” site, there never seems to be an appropriate time to admit I like sex and going to swinger parties.  Many times they just “assume” I want monogamy and that can be frustrating.  When I try to hint at more, then they are like oh, she just wants a fuck buddy, and out goes the possibility of anything special.

Yet, meeting men on a swinger site, they just assume you are all out for the sex and act like its crazy for anyone on there to seek out a relationship.  Well, not totally, because as you have seen if you read my blog regularly, they often want ME to stop sleeping around and just help them get some. :p  They want a one-sided relationship, where you are committed to them, but not vice- versa, like every other guy out there, lol.

What I really want, is a man who can handle me, as is, that I don’t have to pretend with.  Or…several of them.  (Ha) Okay, not really, because when I fall for someone I do tend to have a one track mind.  Not necessarily sexually, but emotionally.  Sometimes it’s sexually too, but eventually my curiosity gets the best of me.  I still think it would be fun to play together, and probably separately as well.

I think something like what Mr. Firm has, sounds ideal.  His girlfriend has it made!  He’s one of the few men I’ve met who seems to be lacking Madonna/whore issues.  I’m still marveling that he hasn’t seemed to change his attitude or level of affection for me after reading my blog.  I’m pretty impressed! 

So I know, if he is like that, there have to be other men out there the same way.  Just not enough of them, lol.  Or, more likely, they just aren’t single!  :p 

Maybe, I’m guilty of wanting to have my cake and eat it too.  But what is the point of having a cake if you aren’t going to eat it?  I’ve never understood that either….;)

Masquerading as a man

Jessie-Matthews1

So I decided to try being a man for awhile.  Don’t get too excited, I only mean online.  I decided to make a man’s profile on Plenty of Fish.

WTF Lovergirl?  Why the hell would you do that?  Don’t worry, I haven’t decided I don’t want to be a woman anymore,  lol.  The PINK, people, look at the pink blog you are reading!! No worries about a sex change here anywhere in the near future. 😉

In fact, I have decided that being a man, totally sucks!!  I am more glad than ever that I was born a female, haha. 🙂  I’m especially thankful not to be a man, trying to meet women via online dating.

It all began when I was chatting the other night with a few men from an online forum.  One of the guys was saying he had given up on trying to date women online, that he thought he was too “ugly” and wasn’t getting enough responses.  I’ve seen his profile and photos and thought he was being ridiculous.  I was like, it’s not your looks, it has to be your attitude, and chided him a bit for giving up so “easily”.

The other guys were agreeing with him that if you are an average looking guy, not many women will respond to your advances.  I wasn’t convinced.  I thought he just needed to exude more CONFIDENCE.

SO, in order to prove a point, I decided to make a man’s profile, and see how I would do.  The guys helped me pick out a photo.  I was going to be a very average looking white guy, with an average build, wearing an average t-shirt, and we decided his job would be “computer programmer”.  He only had “some college” as his education, no kids and never been married.  We picked an average city for him to be from, and fairly average hobbies.

I thought we could say he was military, because of his haircut, but the guys said no. According to them, he’d get laid on that alone. What?? Okay, okay, guilty. LMFAO 

The object here, was to help this poor guy get some sex, or at least a chance at a date.  Of course, I had no intention of actually following up on any emails with women under this guise, or standing up any of them for dates.  That would be too mean.  We were just going to see if he could get RESPONSES. 

I full well believed the guys when they say women don’t usually randomly hit them up on sites like that.  I mean, I generally wouldn’t do that either.  Even if I found a guy attractive, the chances of me SAYING anything to him are slim.  Heck, I don’t usually even browse sites like that much at all.  I just open my email every few days or so and scroll down the long list of guys who have messaged me to see if any catch my interest.

My attitude has always been a little bit of annoyance when men complain about this, actually.  I mean, why would they expect us to make the first move??  Men generally don’t even LIKE women being forward with them.  At least that’s what women are told, and it seems to ring true.  You get too upfront with guys and they run away scared, lol.

The Professor used to complain about women not hitting him up on the swinger site and I’m like WTH, of course they don’t!  That’s the man’s job right?  To pursue women is all on them.  I didn’t have a whole lot of sympathy.  It’s kind of against nature to expect women to go around approaching men for sex.  The reactions we get for even admitting we WANT that can be pretty strong from most of the population.

Anyhow, the experiment ensued.  Mr. Plain and Boring was infused with a really awesome personality and loads of confidence.  Because behind the mask was…well, ME, lmao, and we all know how awesome of a person I am. 😉  I wrote up what I thought was a pretty entertaining and intriguing profile.  The men agreed.

Right away I got an email from a woman.  Score!  She had a pretty face.  I showed her to the guys in chat and they were like, “no, no…she’s overweight.  You can tell by the angle of her pics. ”  They said one really big girl didn’t count and I needed to be able to get attractive, average to thin bodied females, to respond. 

Okay, whatever.  I went to work finding women to email.  That was actually harder than I expected.  I thought there would be more attractive ladies out there, but maybe I am just picky.  The girls I finally ended up choosing for this guy, were all very cute. It just took a lot of work scrolling through the not so hot ones.

Let me just stop and say here.. that women are fucking crazy!!  This is the first time I’ve really bothered to read a bunch of female profiles, and ladies, seriously, I am embarrassed for my gender.  Women will have all these pics posted of themselves, say, wearing a g-string bikini, bending over and doing all sorts of sexy poses, then their profile reads “I’m not looking for men who want sex and don’t be trying to put your hand on my leg on a date!!”  (true story).  I actually laughed out loud at the dissonance in some of these profiles. 

Anhow, my alter ego emailed about 20 women, with what I thought were pretty good and unique opening lines.  The guys in chat thought so too.  No response.  Not a single one.  About 8 or so of them eventually viewed the profile (a feature I’d barely even noticed existed before, you can see who has been looking at you). 

He followed up with one or two of the women who viewed him, but I was losing steam.  This was depressing…and a lot of WORK.  Sheesh.  All I do normally, is email someone back, who sent me an email earlier, and I usually get a response right away.

It’s totally disappointing to log into a dating site and not have an email from a SINGLE person.  What a let down.  I totally feel a little more for the guys now.

I got excited for a minute when I saw someone had said “yes” they want to meet him on the “meet me” feature.  I clicked to see who it was and it my enthusiasm deflated.  Yet another grotesquely obese lady, and this one didn’t even have a very pretty face.

I haven’t taken down the profile yet, and maybe I’ll give it another whirl here soon, but boy, this is TIRING, from an average man’s perspective.  I never stopped to think just how much EFFORT some guys have to put into getting someone to have sex with them.  I know I should have, because I’ve been on a forum for guys who are trying to get help with getting laid for awhile, but this was still pretty eye opening for me. 

Now I know why men are always showing “online” on the swinger site, lol.  Here I thought it was just because they are perving all the naked pictures.  Now I realize at least some of that time they are probably busting their butts sending out emails, haha.  I am one of those women who often sucks at responding too.  A lot of times I don’t even read them and when I do it’s rare for me to email back, unless I see something I really like.

I’m spoiled, but I like it.  I totally love being a female.  Wouldn’t change it for the world.  Especially now that I have ventured over there and gotten a little taste of what it means to be a man.  No thanks!!!  No penis envy here, whatsoever!!  LOL 😉 

I feel bad for you men. What do you want as your consolation prize? A cookie? You can’t have this one!! Don’t go trying to get it on the first date either!! I’m playing….lol, don’t try to kill me 😉 hahaha

A few…flops

floppy banana

I’ve been on a mission lately.  I’m preparing to make my big move (wahoo!!!) and it is taking up much of my time and thoughts.  Never fear though, I have a couple of new sexual escapades to share. 😉

Recently, I attended another swinger party.  This one was thrown by a couple, actually the people from this post:  A couple swap with Producer!!  Speaking of the Producer, he has been texting again, pretty much begging me to fuck him.  He even once said he would give me “whatever I want” if I would.  Hmmmm… guess we will see how much time I have before I leave. 😉  He’s been out of the country, and now out of state, so it hasn’t been practical, yet.

Anyhow, I went to the party with the military man that I went to the Slightly Scary Swinger Party with, the guy who came in me.  Because this party was closer to where he lives and I was actually coming in from out of town, we met there.  I told him I’d had sex with the male half of the host couple previously, just so he’d be aware.  He said okay, then we could play with them.  He decided we should discuss boundaries before the party, so I was happy about that.

I called when I got there and he met me outside.  The male half of the host couple (Mr. Mandingo, as the Producer once referred to him as) was on his heels.  Mr. Military walked faster and got to me first.  He grabbed my arm “I don’t want you to give that pussy to anyone else here before me. I get it first, do you hear me?” he threatened, in my ear.  Mr. Mandingo was beckoning us to hurry up and get inside.  “Anything else you wanted to talk about first?” I asked.  “NO.  Just don’t fuck anyone without my permission. Come on.”

Inside, we were greeted by Mr. Mandingo’s wife, who was sitting on a couch with another woman, and maybe 10-15 other people, who were mostly congregating around a potluck of appetizers in the kitchen.  Most of the people there, were, you guessed it, not particularly attractive.  I’d been hoping, since it is near a military base, we’d have a little better luck. 

Granted, I got there kind of late and one of the couples that had emailed me earlier was already gone.  I’d had to take my name off the party list because for some reason Mr. Military seemed to think he wouldn’t be able to get in for a couple price if I signed up. They may have thought I wasn’t coming.  I hadn’t had the time to email them back.  Mr. Military said the woman half was very attractive and was later wanting me to text and tell them to come back but my phone service wasn’t working at their house (damn Tmobile).  He said he wasn’t sure if I’d like the guy anyhow, something about him wearing a bow tie, lol (why would that be a turnoff??  Men.)

Mr. Mandingo and his wife said that they had missed me and where have I been?  They said I need to come around more often.  As he took me to hang up my coat, Mr. Mandingo asked why I hadn’t contacted him again.  He’d tried to reach me on the swinger site but I am unable to email back.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Mr. Military watching us and he didn’t look too happy.

Mrs. Mandingo (who is a blonde, 40ish white lady, lol) gave me a tour of the house.  There were beds everywhere.  Next to each bed was a bowl of condoms, baby wipes and special stay- dry pads for squirters, as well as a bag of breath mints. In the master bedroom, we again came across Mr. Mandingo, who looked like he was about to have sex with someone, a bohemian, hippyish looking woman, with glasses. Mrs. Mandingo apologized profusely and told him to go ahead and do his thing, we would leave them alone, but he hung around for a minute, being friendly towards me.

The hot tub on the back porch wasn’t working and the shadow room they had made in the basement, she said didn’t quite have the effect they wanted, but overall it was a very nice setup.  The rule was no locking any doors.

All this time, Mr. Military stayed a little way behind us, watching.  As soon as my tour was over, he pulled me downstairs with him, into a room with a bed.  He ordered me to take off my panties and climbed on top of me, still in my dress.  We started to fuck and soon there were a few people standing in the doorway, watching.  Mr. Military didn’t seem to like the audience.

He pulled out and got up to get dressed.  “You’re done already?” questioned a tall, skinny, nerdy- looking black guy. “You didn’t even take off her dress”.  I could almost see the steam rising out of Mr. Military’s ears.  “Are you gonna let me have a turn?” asked the other guy.  I looked at Mr. Military and shook my head no.  “Why don’t you tell him yourself?” he said loudly, making a point.  “She’s not interested”.  The guy looked pleadingly at me and Mr. Military repeated, “she SAID she’s not interested”.  He reluctantly walked away.

We went upstairs for a bit and I could tell Mr. Mandingo was wanting to sleep with me.  He kept coming up and talking to us.  We socialized a bit before Mr. Military brought me back down to the same room again.  This time he wanted me to take ALL my clothes off.  Mr. Mandingo peeked in as we were undressing, but politely closed the door.

We again started fucking on the bed and again the tall nerdy guy was in the doorway watching.  The look on his face was honestly kind of creeping me out.  I was thankful there was another man, and a muscular one at that, in between us.  If I saw someone looking at me like that on the street, I would be scared.  This time, I could tell Mr. Military was trying to put on a show, but the sex was still mediocre. 

After he finished he lay there for a minute, until the guy left, and then we got up to get dressed.  Mr. Mandingo again peeked in the door.  I could tell he wanted to fuck me.  He kept looking at me all night, making subversive eye contact when Mr. Military wasn’t watching.  Mr. Military didn’t leave my side though, and playing with The Mandingos never happened.  I later asked him why and he said because the wife wasn’t going to fuck him so he wasn’t about to “share” me.

The rest of the party was nothing to write home about.  We went back to Mr. Military’s apartment and he told me I had to be super quiet because one of his neighbors is someone he works with.  Basically he just wanted me to lie still and shut the fuck up while we had sex, so he could get off.  Same thing again in the morning. 

The next day I got an email from a “single” guy on the swinger website.  It was Mr. Mandingo, with a newly opened profile of his own.  He gave me his number and we texted back and forth, with him saying how badly he wanted to fuck me that night and why didn’t I sleep with him at the party?  I said my date said his wife didn’t want to swap and he said no way was he sharing his wife with this guy unless he was my serious boyfriend.

He said he wanted to get a hotel room and fuck me, alone.  I was busy now though, and had my kids.  The next weekend he invited me to come to his hotel room with he and his wife at another swinger party.  Again, I couldn’t. 

Since then he has been sending me some crazy texts.  Mainly that he wants to fuck me without a condom and cum inside me.  He says he wants to “breed” me.  According to him this is how he would “claim” me as his. I was like, well, I’m not trying to get pregnant for real and I am not on birth control.  He said “we’ll see about that”.   ::: blink, blink, blink :::  Men .are fucking. crazy.  SMH…

The following weekend I went on a date with a guy I met off Plenty of Fish.  He took me to Houlihans for a nice dinner and I wanted to fuck him, mainly because he reminded me of the Professor.  He was a little stiff, and nerdy, and actually used to be a Professor himself.  He was actually cuter than the Prof though, and former military too.

I guess I just missed the Prof a little bit, lol.  He actually texted me right before my date.  He has a habit of doing that on Sat. nights, I think because he knows thats when I usually go out.  Always with the guilt trips, but never asking me to spend time with him. 

So I went back to this guy’s place with him.  It’s an apartment on a golf course, like 5 miles outside the city limits.  Everything seemed to be going well.  We ate some cheese cake at his place (he’d already spent $80 on dinner, so I wasn’t minding desert at home)and then back to his bed.

It all went to pot after that.  We were just about to fuck when I asked him to wear a condom.  He tried to put one on and totally lost his erection, never to be seen in full again.   Yet,  he wasn’t going to give up.  He kept trying to fuck me, in every which way, doing all the sexual things he would have done could he have gotten hard.  We 69’d, everything, to no avail. 

OUCH.  It was just painful.  Painful for him, painful for me, lol.  He kept saying “it’s not you, you are sooo gorgeous”. 😛  I was trying to not let it get to me.  At one point he got it in for a little bit, but…fail.  I don’t even know whether or not to count him as a sex partner.  He’s probably going to fall among the ranks of “didn’t count” guys.

He was pulling my hair, slapping my ass, trying different positions…nothing.  He went down on me a lot, and was disappointed that I wasn’t cumming.  He even asked me the dreaded “what do you want me to do?”  Ugggghhhh…what am I supposed to say to that??  “Get hard and fuck me? ”  That doesn’t seem like it would go over well, lol.

At one point, as irrational as it may seem, I asked him if he had cum.  He had managed to get inside me for just a little bit then pulled out and ran to the restroom.  He tried to say yes, he did in the bathroom, but I could hear him in there peeing, so I really don’t think so.  It’s just that it wouldn’t be the first time a guy had gone from totally soft, to spurting, in a nanosecond, and I didn’t want another guy cumming inside me, after that last experience. 

Since I went home, he’s been begging me to meet up again for a do-over.  I feel so bad for him that I may, just to make him feel better.  I’m not really very turned on by the idea but I hate to leave him all mortified like that. :/  It’s not like it probably hasn’t happened to every guy at some point and I know it sucks from both sides.  He’s promising really nice dates and trying to get me to see him again before I leave.  If there’s more, I’ll let you all know!