50 Shades of Red

I am blushing so hotly right now.  I’m about to do something I never thought I’d do. I am going to allow one of the guys I am fucking to read my blog.  He’ll have the key to the window of my deepest inner thoughts.

As all of my regular readers know, I post a LOT of intimate information and private things here.  I make a point of being as real and emotionally honest as possible.  Him reading is not going to change that, so he is going to have to decide for himself whether or not it is something he can handle.  I think for a lot of guys it would be too much to digest and they might want to close the window after taking a little peek.

If any man I know CAN handle this though, it’s Mr. Firm (have fun figuring out why I call you that, lmao).  He’s proven to be one of the most sexually open and nonjudgmental men I’ve yet to meet.  He’s cool, calm and collected and hasn’t flipped out or seemed threatened over the stuff I’ve already told him.  Most especially, he doesn’t seem to apply the double standard that so many men do. I love that.

So, if he doesn’t mind reading about things like my fuck buddy’s dick size or my thoughts about possible gangbangs with him and his friends (lmfao, I am sure you will enjoy that post), or learning about what exactly I did and thought at that last party after he left the scene, in gruesome detail, well, then here you have it! 

This should be fun and I admit to being a little bit turned on by being exposed like this, but I’m also WAY nervous, haha!  I’ve never let anyone I know in real life see my blog and a whole nother side of what goes on in my head, besides what I do with my body.  I’m going to be picturing him reading this, staring at me with that intense passion that he has during sex.  I’ve never had a guy look at me like that.  Sometimes I can barely return his gaze, it’s so dominant and unwavering, makes me feel like he is piercing my soul.  I’m almost afraid I’m not going to be able to look him in the eye ever again, haha.

It reminds me of back in middle school, when I had my first official “boyfriend”.  He was a nice looking, shorter than me (hey, we were in middle school, give the guy a break, 😉 ), Italian guy with dark hair and eyes.  We’d spent a lot of time flirting with each other in class before he ever asked me out.  He asked over the phone and we spent hours talking.  Then, after it was official, and everyone knew we were going out, I’d see him at school and suddenly, even him walking down the other side of the hallway, was sooo mortifying that I had to duck into the bathroom with all my girlfriends to hide.  I was too afraid to talk to him face to face!  Lmao!  Obviously that relationship didn’t last long. Ha!

Anyhow, I feel like someone is about to read my diary.  I want to crawl through the floor.  My “crush” has found me out!  (I do talk about him an awful lot, lol, he may be surprised).  I THINK he knows that my feelings are harmless, since I’m not intending to take them anywhere and know full well he is happy in his situation, which I am not trying to change. 

Yet, I want him to see it.  He’s the only guy that has expressed a REAL interest in reading what I have to say, even though others have heard I have a blog.  I trust him, as unusual as that may be, for me.  He’s shown again and again that he means what he says, and here is what he said, verbatim:  “I’m sure even if I thought whoa about what ever you have written, I’m not givin up the great sex. Fuck that.  Lmfao”.  Haha, I’m gonna hold him to that because I don’t want to give it up either!!  😀

So here goes…. I am off to go hide my face somewhere, after I give him the link!  LMAO!  Enjoy!! 😉 🙂



9 thoughts on “50 Shades of Red

  1. Good luck. I hope it works out. I also let one of the people I had a cyber relationship with read my blog. It worked out alright, but I found I would sometimes over edit myself. Keep this real and don’t try to worry about anything else!

  2. bad idea if things dont work out he can still read it, also you be cautious to say anything negative about him if things go down hill, it will put restriction on what you post….

    • Oh of course those things crossed my mind, and I think they would be true with most guys. With him I am not really worried about things going down hill. He doesn’t strike me as the type that would allow stuff to blow up in some sort of drama fest.

      Like I said, he has shown himself to be a man of his word and I really respect that. When he says he wont divulge my info I believe him, even if we stopped talking to one another. Hes mature like that. Im also not really afraid to say the truth so if for some reason he pissed me off id probably talk about it just like I would anyone else. Somehow though, I doubt he will. Hes just cool like that. 🙂

      Some guys are easier to get along with than others. Like i never fought with my fuck buddy and never expected to. The one time he got upset with me we just stopped talking for a bit while he gathered himself together. Personality wise i just cant see Mr. Firm causing trouble. That’s why he’s the only guy i have considered showing this stuff to.

  3. “with him he’s different” You fall too easy dont forget the professsor , plus why would you want him to know every little thing about you etc, this was your personal outlet no hold bars and what made it interesting to the readers, to me once you involve showing characters of your blog to read it, it water it down , and tell him how to move against you,and keep him ahead of the other guys like a cheat code which very unfair to the other guys, acting a certain way because he have a personal hand book on what you like etc..its like reality tv it start off sort of real as time go on it get further away from being real because the people know they on camera(he knowing he be on the blog ), your choice but i see failure on this one…then what you going start a new blog… if it aint broke dont fix it, its a reason why you get all the blog awards etc…

    • BM, I understand your concerns. I admit that I am suffering from a heady infatuation with this one. However, even with a cheat code he doesnt really stand to gain anything by “winning” over the other men. If his goal is complete control over me, then yes, he would have all the ammo he needs. However, one of the reasons I feel safe in sharing this kind of stuff with him vs the other guys is that he doesnt appear to WANT that.

      Even before me giving him the link, he told me he didn’t want me to change a thing about my blog because of him, and that was without me even bringing it up. Hes proven so far that being given information about the other men in my life hasn’t changed his attitude towards me a bit. He already knows about much of the recent stuff, about the Referee, Mr. Motorcycle, the Host, the guy I had the affair with standing me up,etc.

      For me this is kind of an exercise in showing just how real and genuine I can continue to be, even with someone watching. Its an experiment in how a man will react to truly knowing who I am and of course you all will probably be reading about my results.

      I don’t intend to start showing this blog to all the people in my life. Just this one person. So yeah he gets the cheat code but what is he going to do with it? Hes already in a serious relationship with someone else and doesnt want that with me. It would be totally impractical given both our situations so in that sense again, he is safe. If his goal is sexual domination, well hell, he’s already up there at the top of the list.

      I am determined not to allow this to water down my posting in any way. I have no intention of starting another blog, regardless of what happens with this. My readers will just be reading about it all, right here.

      I have seen some blogs change drastically when they had to worry about the feelings of people who are reading. That is why I told Mr. Firm that if he is uncomfortable with or getting upset by it, the onus is on him to stop reading. I refuse to allow it to affect how genuine I am.

      This is me, and underneath it all I value emotional honesty in a big way. That’s something that my readers can see and appreciate and will continue to receive, Mr. Firm or no Mr. Firm.

  4. I steal your “woah” lol
    That is going to be a very interesting experiment. I knew from theget go that it could only be Mr Firm you would show this blog to. Holy cow girl… Keep us updated. :*

    • Hahaha… Yes and so far I think I made the right choice. Hes commented a little about what he has read via text and is taking it all in stride. He may comment on the blog later. He even said he was going to answer my questions about what it means that I fuck him how he “needs” and if I missed out on anything not being in the gangbang. LMFAO !!

      He says the stuff I talk about doesnt even scratch the surface of things he has experienced. For some reason, that doesnt surprise me a bit! I have a feeling I will be learning a lot from him.

      So for all the people I could have told about my.blog and let read it, I think he was by far the best candidate. It will be fun to see if knowing all my little fantasies makes the sex any different too ;).

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